Sonic Truth Or Dare By Jackattack555
by The Beast-King Beyond The Wall
Summary: Not a continuation, but a Re-posting. Re-read the madness and fun of... SONIC TRUTH OR DARE! Complete.
1. Eggman is OOCed

Eggman is OOCed

First humor fic! I don't own the Sonic characters or Sega! If I did, I would probably waste all of the money from it on partying and gambling!

Jack: Live, with all the Sonic characters on stage, welcome to Sonic: Truth or Dare! You send in the truths and dares, we perform them on the Sonic characters! I will be your host, Jack!

Jill: Hey, don't forget me!

Jack: Of course not! This is my OC, Jill, who will be co-hosting this fic with me!

Rouge: Can we just start this already?

Jack: Sure thing! Now for a warning! Do NOT read this fic if you are under 10! There will probably be tons of violence and swearing and sexual suggestions….so this is rated T for a reason!

Tails: But I'm 8!

Cream: And I'm 6!

Jack: I know how to deal with that! AUTHOR POWERS! (turns them both 16) (teaches them "facts of life")

Tails: (fetal position) Find my happy place…find my happy place…

Jack: Anyways, to our rules! For the truths, you reviewers can make any of the characters answer any question you pose. For the dares, you can make any of the characters do what you want them to do. It's very simple! We have many different ways which we can torture these characters!

Knuckles: Did you say TORTURE us?

Jack: BWAHAHAHAHA! I did indeed! You can shove characters together into our broom closet over there (points to broom closet), you can make them die incredibly painful deaths, and lots of other stuff!

Fan girls: (cheering)

Jack: Oh, and I almost forgot. You can also throw any Sonic characters to our fan girl-filled audience! To demonstrate…(grabs Knuckles) (throws him to fan girls)

Fan girls: (screaming doubles)

Knuckles: Whoa! What are you doing!? AUGGHHHH!(is dragged off by fan girls)

Jill: Knuckles! (jumps in after him) (fights with fan girls over him)

Shadow: Wow…poor Knuckles.

Jack: You might experience the same too! If the fan girls try to rise up at us, we'll have to throw you in the crowd as a distraction. You're basically our emergency exit!

Shadow: (rolls eyes) Well, that's nice to know!

Knuckles: (being dragged behind Jill back onto the stage, covered in fan girl lipstick, phone numbers, etc., and with clumps of fur torn out) Uuuggggghhhhh...

Jill: (slaps Jack) How DARE you hurt my Knuckie!?

Sonic: (chuckles) Knuckie?

Knuckles: Quiet, you! (glares)

Jack: Technically, I didn't hurt Knuckles, the fan girls did!

Jill: (gasps) You can't blame fan girls like me!

Jack: Well, I do!

Shadow: (panicky expression on face) Wait…did you just say that you're a fan girl!? OH (bleep)!

Jill: Don't worry. I'm not that much of Shadow fan girl…I'm more of a KNUCKLES fan girl! (drools looking at Knuckles' body)

Tails: Disturbing…(all back away from Jill)

Eggman: Hmmm…all of you seem so scared of these creatures known as "fan girls". I've got it! I'll command a fan girl army to take over the world! MWAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!

Jack: (sighs) You really think you can control the fan girls? Well, you can't! I can't control Jill here from going after Knuckles! You won't be able to either! It's your stupid plans like this that make you, Eggman, my least favorite Sonic character!

Eggman: Wha-?

Jack: Also, you are such an annoying, idiotic, (bleep)-ing Bond villain rip-off whom always easily gets beaten by Sonic! I hate you!

Eggman: You-you HATE me!? (runs off crying)

Eggman: What? Why am I running off crying? That's not like me…(gasps) You're OOCing me, author! (in a whiny voice)

Eggman: Hey! Stop that! (throws a temper tantrum)

Eggman: (sighs)

Jack: That's the end of this chapter! Make sure to send in your truths and/or dares for any Sonic characters!


	2. Fan girl violation and lots of it

Fan girl violation and lots of it

Thanks for the reviews, everyone who did! Remember, you can make the Sonic characters do anything you want and answer any questions you have through your reviews

Knuckles: Let go of me!

Jill: No! (tightens grip on Knuckles' arm)

Jack: Come on Jill, you can't keep holding on to Knuckles!

Jill: Yes I can! (hisses at everyone who approaches)

Jack: Fine, I'll have to do this then. (pulls out a Knuckles plushie) Here, Jill!

Jill: A PLUSHIE?! OMG, IT'S OF KNUCKIE! (lets go of Knuckles, grabs plushie, cradles it like a baby) It's sooooo cute!

Knuckles: Thank you so much!

Jack: No problem! You probably won't want to be thanking me later though…..

Rouge: What do you mean by that?

Jack: I'm a sadistic torturer! Duh! Speaking of that, let's get to our reviews…

Jill: It looks like we've got only got dares today.

Jack: Well, that's okay! Torturing the characters is just as fun as giving them embarrassing questions! Note: I go through these reviews in a completely random order. I literally draw straws out of a hat with my girlfriend to determine the order! Now for the first one to go through….

 _I'm Danielion and I want Sonic to dare Shadow to wear a dress!_  
 _-Dandelion_

Rouge: Ha! Emo boy finally gets what's coming to him!

Shadow: I'm not emo!

Everyone: YES YOU ARE!

Shadow: (glares angrily at everyone)

Amy: (pulls out a dress from her gigantic suitcase) Here. He'll wear one of my pink dresses!

Shadow: …..I'm not wearing that.

Jack: (pulls out a pistol) Oh yes you will! The dare clearly states so!

Jill: Wait! Isn't Sonic supposed to be the one forcing Shadow to wear it?

Jack: Oh yeah! Here you go! (hands the pistol to Sonic)

Sonic: Cool! (aims at Shadow) Now dress up!

Shadow: (sighs) Fine. (starts putting on dress)

Jill: How ironic. He was the only one that got to use guns, and now he's the only one with a gun pointed at him!

Jack: Ironic….and hilarious!

Shadow: (finishes putting dress on) There. You happy?

Sonic: (turns to Jack) Can I still shoot at Shadow? I've wanted vengeance since he stole my spot as the top Sonic bishie!

Jack: Let me think here… Well, it does cause more suffering…so sure!

Shadow: What?! No way! (starts jumping as Sonic keeps shooting at his feet)

Sonic: Dance, Shadow, dance! Hahahahahaha! (keeps shooting since the pistol apparently has an infinite amount of bullets)

Knuckles: Ha! His dress keeps flying up every time he jumps!

Everyone except Shadow: (laughs)

Shadow: (secretly plotting how to kill Sonic, Knuckles, Jack, and Amy all at once)

Jack: Alright, that's enough fun! Time for the next review…

 _ok just to see what would happen throw eggman to the fangirls  
-XxSpiritWolfxX_

Jack: Yes! Eggman gets to suffer! Hooray! (grabs Eggman)

Eggman: Let go of me at once! Otherwise you shall face the might of the Eggman Empir-AHHHHH! (is thrown to fan girls)

Fan girls: (screaming)

Eggman: NOOOOO! (disappears into fan girl crowd)

Jack: Take that!

Jill: Should we rescue him out of there?

Jack: Of course not! At least not until he receives another dare or truth! Time to go to the final review for this chapter…

 _Throw Sonic in the fan girl-filled audience, it would be funny. Or throw Sonic and Amy in the broom closet, THAT would be funny!_  
 _-AmyRoes95_

Jill: So which do you think he should suffer, Jack?

Jack: Hmmm…either way, Sonic faces getting violated by a fan girl….I got it! For maximum peril, let's make him do BOTH! We'll start with the Amy one!

Sonic: Whoa! No way am I-

Amy: YES! (glomps Sonic) Let's go!

Sonic: (being dragged into closet by Amy's fan girl grip of DOOM) Help! Somebody help!

Amy: (shuts closet door)

Everyone: (Listening in on what's going on in the closet)

Sonic: But Amy, I don't want to do it with you!

Amy: Why not? You should be pretty horny by now!

Sonic: Umm…well I-I…y-you aren't as at-attractive as I-I once th-thought

Amy: (gasps) WHAT?! (a slap is heard)

Jack: (from outside the closet) Ohh! Burn! (sounds of Amy beating the crap out of Sonic is heard)

Amy: (with a punch between each word) HOW-DARE-YOU-INSULT-MY-LOOKS! (closet door opens, with an angry Amy and a badly bruised Sonic coming out)

Sonic: Uhhhhh…I need a doctorrr…

Jack: Too bad! It wouldn't be as fun if you managed to recover from your suffering!

Amy: (suddenly glomps Sonic again) Ohhhhh! I can't stay mad at you! (drags Sonic back into closet)

Sonic: No! (closet door closes behind him)

Jack: Man, Sonic's having a bad day! And it's about to get worse for him when he comes back…. (Laughs evilly)

-A few minutes later, or approximately the time it takes for a Sonic '06 loading screen

(closet opens, with a gleeful Amy and a dizzy Sonic)

Sonic: (spinning around) Whoaaaaa… Now I'm hungry!

Jack: Look! A chili dog stand! (points in direction of fan girls)

Sonic: (starts running in pointed direction) Where?! I want one-(falls off stage into fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (screaming triples)

Sonic: AUUUGGGHHHH! YOU MONSTERS!(is dragged off by fan girls)

Jack: Hehehe…that was surprisingly easy!

Jill: On that note, we shall end the chapter!

Good news! I now also accept anonymous truths/dares as well! Please send them in as reviews! (puppy dog eyes)


	3. Sonic's tail is missing

Sonic's tail is missing

Wooot! Over 150 hits on this fic now! I shall reward you guys with gifts! To those who read….(gives super-awesome fudge brownies) and to those who reviewed…. (gives super-awesome DOUBLE fudge brownies) Keep up the reading and reviewing, all of you!

Jack: Look! Sonic managed to escape the fan girls! How are you doing?

Sonic: (looks like Knuckles did after his fan girl attack, only twice as bad) Not…okay

Jack: That's good news to me! So, how did you escape?

Sonic: I was lucky…if I had waited another second to roll out of the crowd, they would have neutered me! They were using scissors and…(gasps while looking down his back) MY TAIL! THEY CUT IT OFF!

Everyone else: (laughing hysterically)

Jill: What's so important about your tail? It's so small…

Sonic: It's necessary for my jumping! That's true for all animals!

Jack: (looking on computer) Holy crap! It's already up on eBay!

Sonic: Well, buy it back!

Jack: No way! Why would I do that for you?

Jill: Will you do it for me?

Jack: Hmmph…..fiiiiiine! (regrettably buys it online) It should arrive here soon.

Sonic: Yes! Now let's go on to the fic!

Jack: (looks at straws in hat) Crap! I'm going to need a bigger hat for drawing out all of these reviews!

Jill: Just do the first four in a random order for now!

Jack: All right. The first review we shall go over is an anonymous one….

 _I dare Shadow to let every draw all over him in pink and yellow markers!_  
 _-Sammy_

Jill: Every? What does that mean?

Jack: Sammy must mean everyone! (grins evilly)

Everyone: (surrounds Shadow)

Shadow: No way am I letting you draw on me!

Jack: Then we'll just have to force this on you! AUTHOR POWERS! (ties down Shadow to the ground, hands out pink and yellow markers to everyone) Let all of your drawing skills loose!

Everyone: (jumps in, starts drawing all over Shadow)

Shadow: STOP! STOP THIS TORTURE AT ONCE! YELLOW AND PINK ARE THE COLORS I MOST DETEST! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE RED AND BLACK!

Jack: That's exactly why we're doing this!

Rouge: Sorry, but you've needed a makeover for a looong time, emo boy! (draws more on Shadow's face before he can retort)

Jill: I think that's good! Let's show off our design! (unties Shadow, shows him to audience)

Shadow: (looks like a weird mix of Amy Rose and Super Sonic, but not even all of that pink and yellow can disguise the red on his face from embarrassment/emo anger)

Shadow: I'm not emo! (emo emo emo)

Shadow: (sighs)

Fan girls: (cheering and laughing at the same time at his new look)

Shadow: I'm going to wash this off now…(starts walking off)

Jack: If you do, we'll display to the fan girls the images from our shower cam while you're showering that pink and yellow off! (looks out at fan girls) And seeing all the cell phones and cameras out there, it'll probably become Youtube's biggest hit in five seconds!

Shadow: Urrgghhh…fine. So I'm pink and yellow for the rest of the chapter?

Jack: Yep, it increases the suffering! On to our next review…

 _Here's a question for everyone. If you had to sleep with one person, who would it be? Also, I dare everyone except Tails to be thrown to the fangirls because Tails is awesome. After they come back, I dare Tails to pull out a minigun and start shooting them with it._  
 _-Super Dragon_

Rouge: I'm kind of uncomfortable with the question….

Jack: Too bad! Answer it, all of you!

Amy: Sonic, of course! And you'd sleep with me, right Sonic?

Sonic: Umm….uhhh…..w-well I already just had sex with you, so I-I was thinking of having some….you k-know….v-v-variety…like maybe B-Blaze…

Amy: WHAT?! YAAAGGHHH! (charges at him)

Sonic: (runs with Amy chasing hot on his tail….or not-tail, for now!)

Amy: SO YOU SAID THOSE FANGIRLS ALMOST NEUTERED YOU, HUH? WELL, I'LL FINISH THE JOB! (Sonic runs offstage with Amy chasing him)

Jill: Let's continue answering the question….

Knuckles: Rouge.

Shadow: Hmm….I'm stuck between Rouge, Blaze, and Amy. They're all good looking

Rouge: And I'm stuck in an indecision between Shadow and Knuckles….they would both be fun for me to tease! Especially since that's what they both would hate!

Knuckles: What? You would just tease me if we slept together?!

Rouge: You got it, Knucklehead!

Silver: I would like to sleep with either Amy or Blaze. Blaze is hotter, but Amy is nicer!

Blaze: AUGGHHH! So many men to choose from! Silver, Sonic, Shadow…my head will explode trying to think of who I would like to sleep with most from those three!

Tails: I would sleep with Cream! She and I would go well together!

Cream: Well…I would go with…

Tails: (smiling while looking at her)

Cream: …Charmy!

Charmy: Hooray! And I would go with Cream! (kisses Cream)

Tails: WHAT? You would choose that annoying little bug over me? Why?

Cream: Sorry, Tails! But ever since I was turned sixteen in this fic, I've discovered I like Charmy's constant, unending talking with that light voice!

Jack: That's what everyone most hates about him, including me!

Tails: (walks off depressed)

Jack: Don't worry, Tails…You're about to get some big time revenge!

Tails: (reads next part of dare, grins) Thanks! That'll cheer me up!

Everyone but Tails: (pushed off stage by an invisible force) (screams)

Fan girls: (cheering madly upon reception of everyone but Tails)

Jack: I'll get us out of this! AUTHOR POWERS! (levitates everyone out of fan girl crowd and back on stage)

Knuckles: Phew! I'm glad that's over!

Tails: Not yet! (pulls out minigun, starts shooting anything that moves)

Knuckles: Oh (bleep)! (is blown to bits by bullets)

Jack: (protects himself and Jill with Super-Awesome Author Shield, but doesn't bother to shield anyone else)

Everyone else: (perishes)

Tails: (keeps shooting body of Charmy over and over) Hahahahaahahah!

Eggman: (starts crawling back on stage from his chapter 2 toss) You know, show that attitude towards others more often and you can become an evil genius too!

Jack: Just shut up already. He's not going to become an evil genius, he's just heartbroken! But you're too much of an idiot to understand that! (kicks Eggman back into fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (screaming)

Eggman: NOT AGAAAAIIIINNNN! (fan girls drag him off)

Jack: (sighs) Now I have to do my least favorite part of this fan fiction…revive everyone. (in a gloomy voice) Author powers….(everyone brought back to life)

Jill: Here's our next review, another anonymous one…

 _I want Sonic to take swimming lessons from Shadow! Also, Shadow should be thrown into the fangirls!_  
 _-SuperSara821_

Jack: All right! This should be fun! (creates a swimming pool on stage)

Shadow: (looks to Sonic) Alright, faker. Just do what I do! (uses his rocket shoes to fly over pool)

Sonic: What?! But I don't have rocket shoes!

Jack: Well, that sucks for you! (pushes Sonic into pool)

Sonic: I'm drowning! Help m-(glug) (sinks to bottom of pool)

-A few minutes later-

Jill: He still hasn't come out of the pool yet….

Shadow: Ugghhh…. He died AGAIN?!

Jack: Fine, I'll bring him back to life! Though he'll wish he was dead after reading the next review….author powers! (brings Sonic out of pool, revives him)

Shadow: You suck at swimming, faker!

Sonic: Then let's see how good you are at swimming…through fan girls! (pushes Shadow into fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (emit a scream so loud it breaks all windows within a ten mile radius)

Shadow: AH! NO! LET ME GO! UNHAND ME, YOU-(is dragged off by fan girls to where they commit unspeakable acts on him)

Jack: Time for an anonymous review which is our final one for this chapter…

 _Have Sonic kiss Blaze the cat and have Amy watch! lol!_  
 _-DeeDee_

Sonic: (whispers to Jack) But Amy will kill me….

Jack: (yells) That's the point! Now do it! Hey Amy, Sonic has something to say to you

Amy: What? It had better not be more about Blaze! I'm still angry about that comment….

Sonic: (gulps) (kisses Blaze)

Blaze: (shocked)

Amy: DIE, SLUT! (tackles Blaze) (starts biting, kicking, punching, etc.)

Sonic: (starts backing off)

Amy: (points to Sonic) STAY RIGHT THERE! I'M KILLING YOU AFTER HER

Blaze: (gets angry, turns into Burning Blaze and fights back)

Jack: Wow! CATFIGHT! Or to be specific, cat and hedgehog fight!

Jill: (points in direction of fan girls) Look at what's happening out there!

Fan girls: (shouts and accusations quickly become gunfire and explosions)

Jack: Holy (bleep)! The SonAmy fan girls are fighting the SonicBlaze fan girls!

Amy and Blaze: (jump off stage, join their respective sides, become commanders in an epic fan girl battle)

Jack: Wow…it's amazing what one crazy fan girl can do to another….

Jill: Look who I found! (brings in Shadow, who looks like an unrecognizable mess)

Sonic: Shadow, are you okay?

Shadow: (twitch)

Charmy: Something seems different…do you think something's wrong with him?

Shadow: (twitch)

Amy: Whatever's wrong, I'll just hit him on the head to fix it! (pulls out hammer)

Shadow: (twitch)

Jill: I think we'll need to take him to the doctor. He can't answer any reviews like this

Jack: Alright, I'll take him there…..

(truck pulls in and a random UPS guy comes out)

UPS guy: Package here for the show! (drops package and leaves)

Sonic: (opens package) Yes! It's my tail! I need to go to the doctor also to get it sowed up!

Jack: Aw man, why am I helping these characters? They should be suffering more!

Jill: Don't worry. When they get back, there'll be plenty of torture for both of them!

Jack: Good. Let's go then…(drags off Sonic and Shadow)

Jill: They'll be back in time for the next chapter!

To those whose reviews didn't show up in this chapter…I promise I'll get to your reviews soon! Keep up the awesome job you fans are doing!


	4. Shadow keeps crossing genders

Shadow keeps crossing genders

Mwahahahaha! I'm back, and from your reviews I've got plenty of trouble prepared for the Sonic characters! Also, I have to thank you all for the 200 hits on this fic!

Jack: (returns with Shadow and Sonic) Here they are, so now the show can continue!

Shadow: I feel so…happy…(smiles)

Rouge: What the (bleep)?! Did Shadow just SMILE?! What's going on?

Jack: (pulls out and shakes a bottle of pills)

Rouge: (mouths "ohhhh")

Sonic: And with my tail back on, I can finally jump again!

Everyone else: (not interested)

Sonic: (glares at everyone)

Shadow: (suddenly randomly goes into fetal position) Maria!

Jill: Is that a side effect of the pills?

Jack: Yep. And best of all, it's permanent!

Tails: But you've scarred Shadow for life!

Jack: That means that we're doing our job right! On to some reviews…

 _I fell evil today I'm going to take it out on Shadow, he should fell lucky(no he shouldn't). He sould pretend to be Hermione Granger from Harry Potter_  
 _-Aeiltalyoko_

Shadow: (still in fetal position) Maria!

Knuckles: How do we get him out of this so he can do the dare?

Jack: Easy! (pops some pills into Shadow's mouth)

Shadow: (immediately gets up) What's going on?

Jill: What kind of pills are those?

Jack: I guess I'll tell you all, though I wanted to wait until he killed someone. They're his sanity pills that the doctor prescribed!

Everyone: (jumps away from Shadow)

Shadow: (reads dare) Aw (bleep)! Do I have to?

Jill: Yes. (gives Shadow robes, wig, dentures with an overbite, lipstick)

Fan girls: (watch with anticipation)

Shadow: (puts on costume) I…

Jack: Speak in a British accent!

Shadow: Fine. (speaks in a high-pitched British voice) I'm smarter than everyone else! I love Ron Weasley! I…

Everyone else(including fan girls): (laughing their asses off)

Shadow: (gets so embarrassed that, well…) (fetal position) Maria!

Jack: This is so much funnier since he's doing that while dressed up like Hermione! Hahahahaha!

Jill: Since Jack is on the floor laughing right now, I'll bring up the next review…

 _I dare Rouge to admit her love besides jewels (you know who im talking about)_  
 _-Solaris Prime_

Jack: Well, who is it? Knuckles or Shadow?

Rouge: Ummm….(looks at Shadow in fetal position wearing Hermione outfit)…I will definitely have to say Knuckles!

Knuckles: YES! (kisses Rouge)

Rouge: (slaps Knuckles) That didn't mean you had to kiss me!

Knuckles: What? You say you love me, then you slap me? You are a tease!

Jack: I can predict that we'll see this happen a lot between them!(grins) Time for another review…

 _Hi I dare Knuckles,Sonic,and Shadow to acted girly!_  
 _-123la2_

Jack: (pops sanity pills into Shadow's mouth) Time for another dare!

Shadow: Wait, what-Why am I still wearing this?! (throws off Hermione costume)

Amy: Look at this (giggles while handing review to Shadow)

Shadow: WHAT?! I JUST HAD TO DO THAT!

Jack: Well, now you get to do it again!

Knuckles: I'm not doing this! There's nothing you can say or do that will make me do this!

Jack: Really? Well if you don't , I'm letting her loose on you! (points to Jill)

Jill: (drools hungrily at sight of Knuckles)

Knuckles: Ugh. You got me there, I'll do the dare then!

Sonic: But how are we supposed to "act girly"?

Jill: Easy! Say a whole lot of OMG's and talk about random stuff! Oh, and make sure to dance to this! (plays caramel dansen music)

Jack: (looks at Jill) Sometimes you really surprise me with how evil you can be. This is the perfect way to torture them! I can't believe I didn't think of that!

Jill: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm evil now! Hooray! Now dance, you three stooges!

All three: (start caramel dancing)

Jack: Don't forget to talk like girls too!

Sonic: OMG! A llamaduck ate my toes last night!

Knuckles: Did you see (insert female celebrity of your choice)'s new dress! OMG!

Shadow: Let's go shopping! Yay!

Jill: (laughing) Let's get to our next review before I die of a heart attack laughing!…

 _ok here's a few dress shadow in a dress again and throw him to the fan girls_  
 _and let 30 of the fan girls on the stage to do what ever to any one_  
 _-XxSpiritWolfxX_

Amy: (pulls out dress from her suitcase, creeps up behind Shadow) SURPRISE! (pounces on him and forces dress on him)

Shadow: Not again! This cross-gender/cross-dressing thing is driving me crazy!

Jill: Since you need sanity pills, you already are crazy!

Jack: Besides, that's just half of what you have to deal with! (tosses Shadow to fan girls)

Fan girls: (screaming extremely loud again)(tears Shadow's dress to pieces)

Shadow: That is invading my privacy! HEY! HELP! THEY'RE TOUCHING ME IN BAD PLACES! THEY MUST BE STOPPPPPPPPEEEEDDD…(lifted up in the air and taken away by fan girls)

Jack: Shadow's having a terrible time…but he's not the only one! (lowers down a ladder to fan girl audience) Climb on up, 30 of you!

Fan girls: (fighting and climbing up the ladder)

Sonic: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Jack: Oh yeah, that's right! I have to deal with you guys. AUTHOR POWERS! (ties everyone to the ground)

Tails: Let us go! What are you doing?

Jill: You'll see…hahahaha!

Eggman: You're both mad! Even by my standard!

Fan girls: (30 finish climbing on stage)

Jack: (kicks ladder down)…Have your way with them!

30 fan girls: (screaming their hearts out)(run up to Sonic characters)

Sonic characters: (screaming their hearts out also, but for a different reason)

-After 15 minutes of things so evil that they would get your tongue cut off in certain countries for mentioning them-

Jack: You may leave now! (kicks fan girls off stage) We have one more review to do tonight…

 _i dare sonic and amy do it in the closit and become pregnant_  
 _-princessrosalina1_

Sonic: Untie us all so we can do the dare!

Jack: Alright, author powers! (unties everyone)

Amy: Let's go and do this, Sonic!

Sonic: Ummm…okay!(goes into closet with Amy)

-A few pornographic minutes later-

Sonic and Amy: (exit closet)

Jill: What's that in your hand, Sonic?

Sonic: What? Oh, just my condom! Gotta be safe, right?

Everyone: (falls down anime-style)

Jill: Go back in there and don't use a condom this time!

Sonic: What?! But that could be dangerous!

Jack: WE. DON'T. CARE.

Sonic: Fine! (storms back into closet with Amy)

-Another few minutes of what one would definitely know as pornography when seeing it-

Sonic: (goes out of closet with a very happy Amy) Alright, you happy? I'm getting tired!

Jill: Here, take this! (gives Amy a pregnancy test strip)

Amy: Why do I need one of those? I'm on the pill!

Everyone: (again falling down anime-style)

Jack: WHAT?! The whole point was getting you pregnant!

Sonic and Amy: WHAT?!

Jack:…Didn't you two read the second part of the review?

Sonic: Sorry. I got excited when I read the first part and forgot to read the second!

Jack: (slaps hand to head) Wow, you are stupid! I'll take care of this! AUTHOR POWERS!(removes pill's effects from Amy's system) There we go! Now finish the job!

Amy: But I could get pregnant!

Jack: Weren't you listening? THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT!NOW GET IN THERE!(pushes Sonic and Amy into closet, slams door)

-A few really painful minutes for Sonic and Amy later-

(Both come out of closet)

Sonic: Oww! I never thought sex could be so painful if you do it too much!

Jill: That's what happens when you don't pay attention! Here you go! (hands Amy the pregnancy test)

Amy: (goes to bathroom, comes back) OMG! I'm pregnant!

Sonic: (bleep)ing (bleep) (bleep) (bleep)er! (Again, this is not for little kids to read!) What do I do now?!

Jill: Oh, I know an awesome solution! (whispers into Jack's ear)

Jack: Interesting…let's try it out! AUTHOR POWERS! (teleports Sonic and Amy onto set of Juno)

Director: (takes bribe from Jack) Sonic and Amy, you're both hired!

-Later-

Jack: (watching new version of Juno with Jill) You're right. Putting Amy in Juno got her pregnancy to be only 90 minutes long!

Jill: And the roles work perfectly! Sonic/Paulie are both addicted to running, and I can totally imagine Amy talking funny like Juno!

Ellen Page and Michael Cera: (walk away sadly)

Jack: Now that we're watching Juno, let's end the chapter!

In case you don't know, Ellen Page and Michael Cera are the two main actors (playing Juno and Paulie) in Juno. I'm not that much of a Juno nerd, but my girlfriend is! That is why the Juno thing was included in this chapter!


	5. Knuckles suffers quite a bit

Knuckles suffers quite a bit

Over 550 hits! Again, I cannot say enough about how thankful I am to you all! (gives ice cream to all readers) Time to continue…

Jill: What are you doing, Jack?

Jack: (looking on computer) I'm checking out the Sonic Wikipedia that some Sonic fans apparently made….(suddenly starts laughing heavily)

Sonic: What is it? Tell us!

Jack: XD…okay…haha…It says right here on Blaze's profile that, despite her age, her body is noticeably less curvy than the other females! (laughs again)

Everyone but Blaze: (laughing heavily)

Blaze: Urghhhh….(turns into Burning Blaze) Want to say that again?!

Jack: (backs off slooooowly) Ummm…nope. Let's get to the reviews….

 _ok wow, for one, and here's another one put shadow (normal goth-kind) and get Charmying really hyper and then both stuff the in a closest (and not in the bad kind)_  
 _-XxSpiritWolfxX_

Jill: Sweet! (pulls out a needle)(injects Charmy with pure sugar)

Charmy: Ow!…whooaaaaaa….(eye pupils dilate)

Jack: Quickly! Before he starts up in front of all of us!

Jill: (shoves Shadow and Charmy into broom closet)

Shadow: Please! Don't leave me to this terrible fate! (closet door shuts behind him)

Charmy: HISHADOWOHMYGODIFEELGREAT!(noises of crashes and explosions are heard inside)

Shadow: AUGGGHHHH!NOOOO!GET HIM AWAY FROM MEEEEEE!

(more noises of pure chaos are heard inside)(finally, the closet door explodes)

Charmy: (flying out the door)WOOOOOOOOOOOO!IMSOENERGIZED!

Jack: Run, everyone! (all run far away from Charmy)

-A few hours later-

Jill: (salvaging wreckage of stage area) I found Shadow!

Knuckles: Shadow, how did you survive?

Shadow: (twitches a couple times, then…)(fetal position) Maria!

Jack: (pops sanity pills into Shadow's mouth)There we go…it's okay now…it's over…

Jill: I'll bring us to our next review…

 _Oh, wow, this is hilarious and such a great idea. I think I'll submit something then. :3_  
 _Something tortury for the element of this story…hm…I dare the guys to dance and sing to a Britney Spears song, with a little help singing from the girls as well._  
 _Then I think it'd be funny to put a collar and leash on Knuckles and have him woof like a dog. Just for fun._  
 _Thank you!_  
 _-Kamala11_

Jill: Ooh! I know what song they should sing! "Oops I Did It Again!"

Sonic, Shadow, Knuckles, Tails, Silver: NO! (cross arms)

Jack: (pulls out a shotgun) Do it!

Guys(with girls as backup singers): Oops I did it again, I played with your heart…

-Five minutes later (yes, I'm too lazy to post the entire song)-

Jack: (laughing like crazy) That performance was great!

Knuckles: I'm tired of this! Are my dares over?

Jill: (sneaks up behind, jumps up, and snaps collar on Knuckles) I'm afraid not!

Jack: You now have to say "woof"!

Knuckles: No way!

Jill: Come on, Knuckie! You can do it!

Jack: Here, I'll make him say it! (pulls out Master Emerald) You want this, don't you boy? Yes you do!

Knuckles: WOOF! Whoa, did I just say "woof"?

Sonic: (on the floor laughing) Yes! Hahahaha!

Knuckles: (embarrassed) Okay, you can let me go now!

Jill: No! (holds on tighter to leash)

Jack: Jill, we've been through this already…

Jill: No!

Tails: (sneaks up behind Jill, knocks her out with a crowbar)

Jack: Thank you! (frees Knuckles) Now we can continue! We have an anonymous one who reviewed two times in a row, so we'll do that one's first review now and the other next chapter…

 _i dare sonic and shadow to make out, then jump into the crowd of fan girls at gunpoint!_  
 _and i was never here…_  
 _-gunslinger 117_

Sonic and Shadow: Eeeeewwww!

Jack: (points shotgun at Sonic and Shadow) You heard him!

Sonic and Shadow: (kiss, then immediately run away and throw up)

Jill: (wakes up) Ugghh…all this vomit! Janitor!

Janitor: What a mess…damn kids vomiting…(grumbles to self while cleaning up mess)

Jack: Now for the other dare!

Sonic and Shadow: (pull off an Olympic dive into fan girl crowd)

Sonic: Cool! I didn't think I could dive that goo-(grabbed by fan girls) YAAAAHHHH!

Shadow: (dragged off by fan girls while in fetal position saying "Maria!")

Jack: He's going to start killing the fan girls if left too long without his sanity pills…and then they'd kill him! (gasps) And how's he going to suffer when he's dead? (runs after Sonic and Shadow)

Jill: I'll read the next review then…

 _I'm back, but I've noticed that I'm the only one who seems to be asking questions, so here's some more!_  
 _Shadow: Why are you so emo?_  
 _Sonic: Why do you always say stupid one-liners?_  
 _Blaze: Why do you hang around with Silver?_  
 _Tails: Why do you have two tails?_  
 _Knuckles: Why are you such an idiot? You must be one to ever believe something_  
 _Eggman : Why are you unable to come up with even a half-way decent plan to get rid of Sonic?_  
 _Silver: Why do you run so slow? Do you never exercise or something?_  
 _Cream: Why are your ears so big?_  
 _Amy: Why do you always have such extreme mood swings?_  
 _Rouge: Why are you so sadistic?_  
 _Charmy: Why are you so annoying?I think that's everyone for now, but beware, I shall be back later with more dares! (Evil laughter)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jack: (runs back on stage dragging Shadow and Sonic) Nice! Some questions!

Shadow: (fetal position) Maria!

Jack: That might be the answer, but to be sure…(feeds Shadow sanity pills)

Shadow: Hmm….I think it all started on the ARK when…(gasps)(fetal position) Maria!

Jill:…I guess that's the answer. The death of Maria!

Sonic: Ummm…I….

Jack: It's obvious. He's stupid as hell! He can't think of anything really creative to say…ever!

Sonic: (glares)

Blaze: He's my lifelong friend!

Jill: (sarcastically) Suuuuuuurrrrrreeeee…..

Blaze: Hmmph! He is! In our world, the only living things we knew besides monsters were each other!

Rouge: (rolls eyes) That's believable…

Blaze: Shut up! (stomps away from everyone)

Tails: I was born with them!

Jack: (points to Tails) That means you're an alien! How else could all of you walk and talk and so on?

Everyone: (glares at Jack)

Jack: Just saying….

Knuckles: I'm not an idiot!

Jack: Really? What's two plus two?

Knuckles: Oof! Ummm…uhhhh…four!

Jack: Okay, what about eight plus nine?

Knuckles: Ah! But…that's DOUBLE DIGITS!AUGHHHHHHH!(collapses on ground)

Jack: To answer the question, he probably fell on his head!

Jill: Don't be so hard on Knuckie! He's just…he…(glomps Knuckles) He doesn't need smarts! He's hot enough!

Jack: (rolls eyes) Fine…

Eggman: That's because Sonic always cheats!

Sonic: I'm saving the world! Besides, you're the one who cheats!

Eggman: I'm destroying the world! Besides, how are you getting through my plans unless you are cheating?

Sonic: Because your plans are always so stupid! You suck at being an evil genius!

Jack: I agree with Sonic there. You should've chosen another career!

Eggman: (starts crying) My life! It's been a failure!

Jack: Yep, back to the OOCing I love…

Silver: It's not that I'm slow! It's just that everyone else is using Chaos Control whenever I'm running! (cough Shadow cough)

Shadow: Hey! I won our Sonic '06 fight fair and square! You just suck at using Chaos Emeralds!

Silver: Oh yeah? Well…(gets depressed)

Jack: Shadow's got you at there.

Cream: I'm a rabbit! We have to have big ears to survive!

Amy: (angrily) For your information-

Jack: I'll explain this. She's a hormone-addled teenage girl! And even worse, a fan girl!

Amy: (glares)

Rouge: Because it's fun! So many of these characters are such idiots that I like playing around and messing with them!

Jack: I couldn't agree with you more! (high-fives Rouge)

Charmy: I just have a voice that nobody likes! I personally like it…

Jack: Well, we don't! (hits Charmy with a fly swatter) Also, I might as well now mention the other characters on this show who haven't bothered to talk yet…We have Big, Froggy, Tikal, Mephiles, Omega, Gamma, Espio, and Vector!

Jill: Here's our last review this chapter!…

 _I want Jack to shrink Sonic, Shadow, and Knuckles down to the size of Jill's plushie and let Jill mess with Knuckles , a random fangirl named Sammy mess with Shadow, and a random fangirl named Gem mess with Sonic. Hehehe..._  
 _-à Sammy Is Here ß_

Jack: BWAHAHA! Can do! AUTHOR POWERS!

Sonic, Knuckles, and Shadow: NOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!(are shrunk down to plushie-size)

Jill: OMG! Knuckie is soooo cute at this size! (grabs Knuckles, takes off with him)

Knuckles: Help! Who knows what she'll do to me! (is taken offstage by Jill)

Jack: (throws Sonic and Shadow to fan girl crowd) Here you go!

Fan girls: (screaming incredibly loud)(fight over Sonic and Shadow)

Sammy and Gem: (triumphantly hold up Shadow and Sonic)(run off with them)

Jack: I like the fact that they'll face torture at the hands of fan girls…but for the show's sake, I have to rescue all three of them! (puts on an Indiana Jones outfit) Here we go!

They'll be back for the next chapter! Though they will definitely regret being rescued by me! MUAHAHAHAHA!


	6. Tails gets lucky!

Tails gets lucky!

I'm back from a party and ready to update, now that there's over 800 hits! Let's start from where we left off…

Knuckles: Will you ever let me go?!

Jill: You'll stay with me forever and ever and-(a whip sends Knuckles out of her hands)

Jack: Got ya! Let's go! (runs off with Knuckles)

Jill: Damn it! GIVE MY KNUCKIE BACK! (runs after Jack)

-Later, back on stage-

Jack: Well, I amazingly brought Sonic, Shadow, and Knuckles back and returned them to normal size using my awesome author powers!

Jill: That's a lot of stuff happening for you to sum up in one sentence…

Jack: (glares) Let's continue with our next review…

 _I'm back! Let's do some dares this time around!_  
 _Tails: I couldn't help but notice you failed to complete my dare from chapter 3. You never shot Eggman. Get the minigun back out and blow him away! Kill Charmy again while you're at it, but use a BIG fly-swatter._  
 _Eggman: I'll give you a break from the fangirls. Enroll at a school that teaches you how to be a good villain because everyone knows you need it. (Don't tell Eggman that all the students at this school are fangirls!)_  
 _Shadow: Eat sugar until you're on a sugar high. Do this while carrying a fully-automatic weapon._  
 _Rouge: Give all your jewelry to charity!_  
 _Sonic: You must begin every sentence you say with "Shadow rules!" for the rest of this chapter. You are not allowed to do anything to anyone if they laugh at you._  
 _Charmy: Attempt to give Big the Cat a piggy back ride._  
 _Amy: You must stay away from Sonic for the entire chapter. If you even look at him, I will drop something very heavy on your head._  
 _Knuckles: You must... Is that the Master Emerald I see in the middle of the fangirls!? Hurry and go save it!_  
 _Cream: So, you like Charmy's voice, eh? You must be locked in a small room with him for 1 hour while he's very hyper off of sugar, caffeine, etc._  
 _Silver: You must wrestle against three professional wrestlers, and you can't use your psychic abilities!_  
 _Blaze: Think about who you would want to sleep with until your head actually does explode._  
 _Oh, and here's a question for everyone because I'm STILL the only person asking any. Who is the best Sonic character? Answer wisely because it may affect my future dares for all of you._  
 _Guess that's everyone for now. I hope I've caused alot of suffering for everyone (except Tails, of course). I'll be back with more evil things later! Evil Laughter_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Tails: Alright! (pulls out minigun)

Eggman: Don't do it, foxboy! If you do I'll-(is blown the living crap out of by Tails' minigun)

Jack: (hands over BIG fly-swatter) You know what to do!

Tails: For Creeeeaaaammm! (crushes Charmy with the fly-swatter)

Charmy: Stop it! (SMASH) Please! (SMASH) Y-you…suck! (SMASH)

Jack: (brings Eggman back to life) Time to go to Evil University! You need to stop ripping off Bond villains!

Eggman: Really? Hooray!

(school limo pulls up)

Eggman: (goes into car) When I get back, you'll see the one who destroys the world! (laughs evilly as car drives off to his new school)

Jack: While he learns the truth about Evil University, we'll go to our next few dares!

Shadow: What? Why on a sugar high? I have no problem killing all of these idiots right now! (points to the semi-automatic) Gimme gimme gimme!

Jack: No! you have to get sugar high because the dare says so! Now do it! (pours an infinite amount of Pixie Stix into a tube, shoves other end into Shadow's mouth)

Everyone: Chug chug chug…(Shadow finishes)

Jill: H-here you go…(hands Shadow the semi-automatic, then runs with Jack into their secret nuclear holocaust bunker)

Sonic: Wait for us!

Jack: No way! The planet won't benefit one bit if you idiots are repopulating it! (shuts hatch and closes five consecutive steel doors)

Jill: There we go! Now we get to hear the Armageddon outside!

(tons of gunfire, explosions, and everyone screaming)

Shadow: (shooting between words) YOUDIE! YOUDIE! YOUDIE!

-Who knows how long later? People don't bother to count time anymore…-

Jack: (comes out of hatch with Jill)(rolls eyes, sighs) Here we go again… (fixes everything up, brings everything back to life)

Rouge: No way! All of the jewels of the world are mine!

Jill: (closes cell phone) Too bad! The GUN feds just emptied all of the jewels from your house!

Rouge: (bleep)! Well, I'm not giving up the ones on my person! Those are my favorites!

Jack: If you don't…we will have no choice but to have you strip searched for the jewels! By all the guys!

Guys (especially Knuckles): (drooling)

Rouge: Fine! (takes out all of her jewels) But don't be surprised if you don't wake up next morning…

Jack: (sends all of the jewels to charity) Now for the next torture…Where's Rouge?

Jill: Crap! She must have gone after them! There were no provisions against her stealing them back!

Sonic: I have to say WHAT?!

Jack: You forgot to say it! (steals Tails' minigun, points it at Sonic)

Sonic: (hands up) Shadow rules!

Everyone: (laughs)

Sonic: (glares and is about to say something, but then remembers what he would have to say, so he shuts up with an angry face)

Charmy: (jumps on Big) Gimme a piggy back ride!

Big: Uhhhh….duhhh…okaaay…(crouches on all fours, starts running)

Charmy: Whoohoo! Cool! (suddenly flies off of Big, smashes into a nearby tree)

Jack: Hooray! The most annoying bug ever is getting punished throughout this chapter!

(far off, a scream is suddenly heard)

Eggman: (running toward stage with a fan girl army in pursuit) Nobody told me there'd be fan girls at the school!

Jack: Yeah, that's kinda the point!

Eggman: (tiring) Can't….make…it…(is swallowed up in the massive fan girl army)

Jack: Sweet, my two least favorite characters have both just suffered within the last minute! (reads next dare) And now my third least favorite is about to!

Amy: (dramatic scream) NOOOOOOOOO! Can't…do…without…SONIC! (tries running to him, but an anvil drops out of the sky and hits her head) AAAHHHHHH!

Jill: We need to contain her! (sends in GUN)

Amy: NOT WITHOUT MY SONIC! (is grabbed by GUN people, put in straight jacket and taken to an asylum)

Jill: What do we do about her future truths/dares?

Jack: She'll be back. She's a fan girl! Nobody can contain them for long!

Knuckles: WHAT?! WHERE IS IT?! STOP! LET GO OF THE EMERALD!(jumps into fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (screaming)

Knuckles: Wait…I don't see it here…AHHHHHH!(is dragged off by fan girls)

Jack: (laughing his ass off) That was great!

Cream: Yeah, I like his voice! It sounds so sweet…it might just sound annoying to you all because none of you have big ears!

Jack: Well, let's find out! (shoves Cream and Charmy into a small room after giving Charmy another shot of pure sugar)

-A few minutes later-

(sounds of smashing, Cream screaming come from inside room)

Jill: We should help her!

Jack: No! Let's follow the dare!

-One hour later-

Cream: (barges out of closet shivering) Must…kill….

Silver: Why must I do this?

Jack: Because you suck at fighting! (shoves Silver into wrestling arena)

Silver: (sees wrestlers) Oh (bleep)!(is horribly pwned by wrestlers)

Jack: (laughs) That was even more one-sided than if a boxer fought an old granny!

Blaze: RAWR! WHO…DO…I…LIKE!? TOO…MUCH…THOUGHT! (head blows up)

Janitor: (walks on stage, starts cleaning up exploded remains) Stupid kids…blowing up…(continues mumbling)

Sonic: (mutters "shadow rules!" under his breath) Me, of course!

Jack: (shakes head)(mutters) You're so egotistical…

Sonic: (mutters "shadow rules!" under his breath again) What was that?

Jack: Burn all icicles!

Sonic: (scratches head) Ooookay…Oh! Shadow rules!

Tails, Knuckles, Tikal, and Cream: Sonic.

Shadow: (points to self with two thumbs up) This guy!

Rouge, Eggman, Omega, Vector, Espio: Shadow.

Charmy: Cream!

Cream: (looks away from him) Hmmph!

Jill: Look! Amy's already escaped from the mental asylum!

Amy: (runs on stage looking like Hannibal the Cannibal) Sonic's my favorite!

Big: Uhhh…duhhh….Froggy!

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Espio!)

Mephiles: My old enemy Shadow…

Gamma: Eggman.

Jack: (looking at Eggman) You had to reprogram him to like you, huh?

Eggman: Since I was rebuilding him, why not?

Gamma: Still friends with Sonic, Tails, and Amy though.

Jack: …Weird. Let's get to the next review…

 _dare Cream to dress Tails up as a baby doll and treat him like a baby until someone dares him to be normal and makeout with Cream._  
 _-anonymous_

Cream: Nice! (grabs makeup and baby clothes)(starts dressing up Tails)

Tails: (covers face with hands) I hate this…it's soooo annoying!

Jack: Too bad! You shouldn't have made yourself so cute to the fan girls!

Tails: (glares at Jack)

Cream: Whoo's da cute baby? You are, yes you are!

Jill: Well, with this disturbing incident occurring…let's get to the next review…

 _Mwahahahahahaha! You must let Blaze up Silver!_  
 _-Spark the Hedgehog123_

Jack: (brings Blaze back to life) In you two go! (pushes them both into closet)

Silver: (with an ecstatic expression) Sweet!

Blaze: But I still haven't decided-(door slams in her face)

(From inside the closet, the sounds of kissing quickly progress to moaning)

Jack: It feels hot even from outside of the closet! I'm going to go get something to drink! (walks off)

Sonic: (whispers "shadow rules!" under his breath) What a lucky guy Silver is!

Amy: And what does THAT mean?! (glares at Sonic)

Sonic: (gulps) N-nothing…Shadow rules!

Blaze and Silver: (come out of closet with dazed expressions on their faces)

Jill: And there's the happy couple now! To our next review…

 _okay jsu for kicks put sonic and shadow togeather in the closet of love!(use your amzing author powers and make shadow pregnete) for all the other fangirls who like that paring!_  
 _-i-da-bomb_

Sonic and Shadow: (simultaneously throw up)

Janitor: (walks on stage and starts cleaning) Kids these days…with all of their vomiting and other stuff…(keeps grumbling to self)

Shadow: I'm not having sex with a guy! And certainly not that idiotic faker!

Sonic: Hey! (glares at Shadow, then glares at Jill) I'm not doing this either!

Jill: I guess I'll have to find people who will force you to! (puts lots of yaoi fan girls into closet) There's what I was looking for! (pushes in Shadow and Sonic)

Sonic: YAUGH! LAY ALL OF YOUR HANDS OFF ME!

Shadow: HEY! STOP PULLING ME NEARER TO THAT FAKER! WHAT ARE YOU MAKING US DO?!THAT BETTER NOT BE WHAT I THINK IT IS!NOOOO!

Everyone: (looks into closet, then all throw up quickly)

Janitor: (waves fist menacingly at everyone)(starts cleaning up giant mess)

-A few minutes later-

Yaoi fan girls: (walk out cheering, jump back into audience)

Sonic and Shadow: (shriveled up into balls in opposite corners, shivering)

Jack: (walks back onto stage) Hi, everyone! Back from drinking and…What happened here?

Jill: A review wanted Sonic to knock up Shadow, so I brought some yaoi fan girls on stage and they forced Shadow and Sonic have sex with each other!

Jack: (appalled look on face) YOU DID WHAT?!

Jill: But it's okay since men can't get pregnant!

Jack: You don't know…you somehow don't know…

Jill: Know what?

Jack: When you bring yaoi fan girls on stage, they can use their yaoi-fan girl powers to get men pregnant!

Rouge: Wait…so you mean…Shadow's PREGNANT?!(starts laughing)

Jack: (sighs) Time to sort out another pregnancy…(teleports Sonic and Shadow onto set of Juno)

Sonic: What? I have to go through this again?

Jack: You forgot to say shadow rules!

Shadow: I don't care anymore about him saying that! What the (bleep)'s going on? Why am I here?

Jack: Because your eggo is preggo! (Juno line)

Shadow: What are you talking about? I don't have eggs!

Jack: But that doesn't prevent the yaoi fan girls from using their powers to get you knocked up! (explains everything to them)

Sonic: (throws up) (bleep)! I have to go through this movie again!

Jack: Well, you shouldn't have so much sex then!

Sonic: (glares)

Janitor: (fights back instinct to punch Sonic as he cleans up Sonic's vomit)

-A couple of hours later-

Jack: I'm not even going to bother watching that awkward version of Juno!

Jill: I just thought of something…with Sonic having so much sex, I won't be too surprised if we soon see him on the Maury Show yelling "I'm not da fadda! I'm not da fadda of dat baby!

Jack: (laughs) Yeah! I could totally imagine that…now for the second review of that anonymous reviewer who reviewed twice in a row…

 _i dare tails to kill charmy, then put him in the closet with creamso they can have i was never here..._  
 _-gunslinger 117_

Tails: Yes! Vengeance is mine! (hops into Tornado Walker, aims for Charmy)

Charmy: Don't do it, man! (is blown up by missiles from walker)

Tails: (jumps out of Tornado Walker, picks up Cream into his arms, and carries her into closet while a beautiful evening sun is shining on stage)

Jill: How romantic of a scene…(sighs happily)

I hope you liked this chapter! Let's see if we can get over 1000 hits on this fic!


	7. Amy gets whats coming to her!

Amy gets what's coming to her!

Hooray! This fic has achieved the 1000 hit mark! (drops tons of balloons from above) Now let's continue this awesome party with some review answering…

(closet door opens with a very satisfied Tails and Cream walking out)

Jack: Alright! Now we can get the torturing under way!

Charmy: I've already experienced plenty of that last chapter, thank you very much! (glares at Tails)

Jill: Well, you can always suffer more! (uses bug spray on Charmy)

Charmy: AUGGHHH! (collapses on ground)

Jack: Wow. Once again, your evil surprises me, Jill!

Jill: Oh, I can easily be more evil than this!

Knuckles: (eyes widen) MORE evil?! You've caused me plenty of suffering!

Jill: (glomps Knuckles) But that's because I wuv you, Knuckie!

Jack: (snickers) We should get started on the reviews with this anonymous one…

 _ok...im feeling very evil so...have silver get a hair cut(basiclly, shave the squid off of his face...or what ever it is...¬¬) and when he comes back have Blaze mindlessly beat silver that would cheer me up ! oh and Sonic can join in the beating too if he really wants to...and all those who hate silvers voice can join in..._  
 _-DeeDee_

Jack: Here, I'll give you a coupon for a free hair cut at the nearby store! (hands coupon to Silver)

Silver: (reads first part of dare) Why would I need a hair cut?

Jill: Because it looks crappy, that's why!

Silver: Fine!(stomps off to a nearby barber shop)

Rouge: Why are you acting so nice to him, Jack?

Jack: (grins) Just watch when he comes back…

-A half hour later-

Silver: (comes back completely shaved) You didn't tell me that it was a coupon for a free SHAVE!

Everyone: (laughing their asses off)

Silver: Urgghhh….NOW I'M BALD BECAUSE OF YOU!

Jack: That makes it funnier for when we do this! Attack him, Blaze!

Blaze: Why would I attack Silver? He's my lifelong friend…and great at sex!

Jack: (sighs) Fine. AUTHOR POWERS!(hypnotizes Blaze into attacking Silver)

Silver: Stop it, Blaze! Ah! (is viciously mauled by everyone who hates his voice…which is everyone!)

Sonic: This is so much fun! Now Silver's no longer the lucky guy!

Jack: I think we've done enough mindless, rage-filled beating for now! Let's get to the next review…

 _hee hee hee_  
 _Dares for the sorry bunch_  
 _tails-Bind and gag yourself inside the tornado-x while charmy pilots it at it's fastest speed!_  
 _amy-wrap your head in duct tape_  
 _blaze wrap your head in duct tape_  
 _both fight each other_  
 _shadow-sing barbie song or whatever with a -dundundun- TUTU!_  
 _oh...and amy and blaze have to keep duct tape on for 3 chapters except for darez that require eyesight, talking, kissing, etc_  
 _-Alterer_

Charmy: (gets up from ground) Yes! Things are finally looking up for me!

Tails: I'm not doing it! (points to Charmy) That psycho will kill me!

Jack: Well then…AUTHOR POWERS!(hypnotizes Tails into binding and gagging himself inside the Tornado)

Charmy: (hops into pilot seat) Hehehehe! Time to suffer, Tails!(starts up plane, takes off and flies at highest speed)

Tails: Mmph! (struggles with binds)

Charmy: This is cool! (starts doing crazy maneuvers)

Jack: (points to plane) If I didn't know Charmy was the pilot, I would have thought the pilot was drunk with the way Charmy is flying that plane!

Espio: Oh no! He's going very low…and right over the fan girl audience!

(an explosion is heard)

Jill: Oh (bleep)! They crashed right in the middle of the fan girls! They're doomed!

Fan girls: (approach crashed plane drooling)

Charmy: (jumps out of plane and flies back on stage) Sorry Tails, but you're screwed!

Fan girls: (look into cockpit to find bound up Tails)

Fan girl 1: OMG! It's Tails, the cutest Sonic character ever!

Fan girl 2: And he's right here at our disposal! There's sooo much we can do!

Tails: MMMPPHHH! (is pounced on by fan girls)

Jack: Now everyone has at some point in this story been violated by fan girls, even if just a bit!

Jill: What an accomplishment! (hands duct tape to Amy and Blaze) Here you go!

Amy: But who will get to see my beautiful face?

Espio: That's all you care about with this dare?! Wow, you're even stupider than I thought!

Amy and Blaze: (wrap duct tape around their heads)

Jack: Now fight!

(both start charging in random directions)

Amy: WHERE'S THAT WHOREY CAT WHO'S TRYING TO STEAL MY SONIC?!

Blaze: WHERE'S THAT CRAZY FAN GIRL WHO'S TRYING TO KILL ME?!

Jill: Ummm…let's form a circle around them so they know where to go!

Jack: Sweet! It'll be like those schoolyard fights!

Everyone: (circles Blaze and Amy)(start chanting) FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT…

Amy and Blaze: (face each other) YAHHHH! (wind up charging into each other, and they accidentally hit each other's heads, knocking them both unconscious)

Jack: Well, at least they only hit their heads! There nothing in there for them to damage!

Jill: Just curiously…what's still going on with that epic fan girl battle back in Chapter 3?

Jack: Well, the front lines are covered in smoke, so we can't see what's going on in there…but all of the rivers flowing out of there are looking suspiciously crimson…

Shadow: COME ON! What is it with me and dresses to these reviewers?!

Rouge: (hands Shadow the tutu) You know you want to, emo boy…

Shadow: (glares at everyone)(puts on tutu)(sings) I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic…

-A few minutes later of everyone laughing and Shadow wanting even more to kill everyone in sight-

Jack: But the embarrassment for Shadow in this chapter has just begun! On to the next review…

 _Dare Sonic & Shadow to an eating contest of chili dogs with whale pee 7 poop on it._  
 _let Shadow shoot Sonic in his nuts._  
 _-Static The Electric Hedgehog_

Jack: (teleports table onto stage with the super gross chili dogs on it) Eat up, you two!

Sonic: (starts eating, then immediately throws up)

Shadow: (throws up at first bite)

Jill: This is going to be a looong contest…

-10 minutes later-

Everyone: (counting up with chili dogs consumed) 14.…15.…16...(groan)…15...14...15!

Jill: Time's up! Sonic wins!

Janitor: AUGGHH! THIS MESS! (starts cleaning up while vowing a bloody murder to Sonic and Shadow)

Sonic: (clutches stomach) I don't feel so good…

Jack: You're about to feel a whole lot worse… (hands MACHINE GUN to Shadow) Go!

Shadow: (shoots tons of bullets at Sonic's crotch) Take that, faker!

Sonic: (collapses on ground, clutching groin) YAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH! THE PAIN! I'M GOING TO DIE!

Jill: Wow. Quite some torture there! While Sonic's in unimaginable pain, we'll head to the next review…

 _Ask Shadow if he prefers being emo or goth!_  
 _-shadowfan13_

Shadow: I would have to say…being emo. That seems to attract the ladies more!

Jill: You might not want that, though. Look what it also has caused! (points to fan girls)

Shadow:…True. I've had some bad memories with them…(suddenly goes into fetal position) Maria!

Jack: Let's just get to the next review…which is another from Static today!…

 _MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! Let Sonic & Shadow tear up all of Amy's dresses, break her Piko Piko Hammer & kill her. I HATE AMY!_  
 _-Static The Electric Hedgehog_

Shadow: (tears open Amy's giant suitcase) Alright! Time to kill a fan girl!

Sonic: (starts tearing apart dresses inside) This is surprisingly fun!

Amy: How DARE you mess with my dresses? (pulls out hammer, charges at where she hears the dress tearing)

Shadow: (easily dodges her hammer since her head is wrapped in tape)(grabs hammer, starts using it to beat Amy to death) FAN GIRLS! THIS SYMBOLIZES MY VENGEANCE TO YOU!

Amy: (dead with the broken hammer next to her)

Jack: With that, the crazy fan girl is dead until the next chapter! Hooray!

Now I have to go celebrate hitting the 1000 hit mark! Thanks to you all! (hands out cake to everyone)


	8. Rouge can pole dance

Rouge can pole dance

I'm back after a long weekend away! I might update more often…if my homework level goes down! Let's all cross our fingers…

Jack: (shooting at some "targets" with pistol)

Jill: Cool! You set up a shooting range on stage! (looks at "targets") Umm…are you sure that's legal?

Eggman, Charmy, and Amy: (pinned up on wall as targets)

Jack: I don't think anything we've done on this show is legal! Besides, what funnier way is there to improve my aim? (resumes shooting at "targets")

Jill: (sighs) Let's just get to the reviews…

 _Thanks, jackattack5! I would've missed torturing the other characters if youhadn't mentioned them! Since I've already asked the others questions and madethem do dares, the rest of you will do both, but for now, I'll just doquestions. Oh, and looking back, I noticed Eggman never answered my questionin chapter 3, so I've got something particularly bad for him as well._  
 _Everyone who hasn't answered this already (In other words, everyone on thislist): If you had to sleep with one person, who would it be?_  
 _Big: Why are you always chasing after Froggy?_  
 _Froggy: What do you and Big do together that causes you to run away from himall the time?_  
 _Tikal: How did you get into the Master Emerald?_  
 _Mephiles: Are you really that much of a sissy that you can only kill Sonic bystabbing him in the back?_  
 _Espio: You're a cool ninja, so why do you work with Vector and Charmy? They're idiots._  
 _Vector: Why are you always listening to your headphones all the time, andwhat are you listening to?_  
 _Omega: If Eggman built you and programmed you, how are you able to disobeyhim?_  
 _Gamma: What in the world were you thinking when you helped Amy in SonicAdventure?_  
 _Eggman: You must answer my question (If you had to sleep with one person, whowould it be?), and you must run a loop-de-loop (that takes you upside-down)while wearing a thong! Not only must you wear the thong for the rest of thischapter and the next one, but also, if you try to speak at all for the rest ofthis chapter or the next one, everyone must shout "SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YOUTHONG-WEARING FATTY!"._  
 _That's all for now, but wait until later, when the rest of you must do dares!Evil laughter_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jack: You're welcome! Now Eggman, why did you not answer the question?

Eggman: Because the fan girls still had me from when I was thrown to them in chapter 2! (glares at Jack)

Jack: Well, that's what you get for being annoying! Now you will have to suffer PUNISHMENT!…after the questions!

Big and Mephiles: Blaze.

Vector and Espio: Rouge.

Omega and Gamma: Does not make sense. We robots do not need sleep.

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Rouge)

Tikal: U-um I-I…

Jack: It's Knuckles, isn't it? You might as well admit it! It's only natural…

Tikal: (nods while nervously looking around)

Jill and Rouge: (glare at Tikal, secretly plot to kill her and each other)

Big: Cause he's my best friend! Right, Froggy?

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: No! I only hang around you because of all the fish you catch! I still usually run away from you because you're so stupid and annoying!)

Big: What did he say?

Jack: (grins evilly) He said yes and that he wants a hug!

Big: Yay! (gives Froggy a massive hug)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Damn you, Jack! You'll regret this!)

Tikal: I had my soul go into the Master Emerald! Souls can travel in and out of it, so I had the Master Emerald seal mine and Chaos' souls in it!

Mephiles: No! And I'll prove it! (sends stabbing beam-thing at Sonic)

Sonic: (easily dodges it) Haha! Nice try, Mephy!

Mephiles: Don't call me that! Time to die! (chases Sonic in an epic chase scene around the world)

Espio: Vector is a really good computer worker…and Charmy…well…I didn't want to reveal this, but he has the ability to annoy people to death!

Jack: (rolls eyes) Imagine that.

Espio: I know, but it's surprisingly useful on our assassination assignments!

Vector: I sometimes listen to rock music, but mostly I'm listening in on surveillance of our enemies!

Jack: Really? (grabs headphones, listens to them) What's going on now?

German voice: Do you haff ze money?

Irish voice: Ach, I do! Right here in fact…(BANG BANG BANG)(sound of a body hitting the ground) Ha! Take that!

Jack: (removes headphones and hands them back with a wide-eyed expression on face, backs away sloooowly) I heard nothing…absolutely nothing! (runs off screaming)

Omega: Eggman gave me artificial intelligence. Soon, my intelligence and obedience conflicted, and since I was bored of obeying, I disobeyed.

Jill: Ah! Artificial intelligence! Run for your lives! (runs away screaming)

Gamma: The Chaos Emerald her bird had took control of me. There was nothing I could do to fight it. That is why I let her out of her cell.

Jack: (runs back on stage) And what about the second time you helped her?

Gamma: What do you mean.

Jack: (shakes head) You still don't know…when you killed Beta, those birds that were released were what Amy was looking for. You made it so that she didn't have to fight Beta!

Gamma: What. I am shocked. I did not intend to help that annoyance.

Amy: (glares in direction that Gamma's voice is coming from)

Jack: Yes! My least favorite character gets tortured again!

Eggman: I would probably sleep with Rouge. She's hot!

Rouge: You perv! I can't believe I was once working for you!

Shadow: No you weren't! You were secretly being a bitch and infiltrating us!

Rouge: (glares at Shadow) It was my job!

Eggman: (puts on thong) Wow, this feels uncomfortable!

Everyone: SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YOU THONG-WEARING FATTY!

Eggman: (grumbles, attempts to run loop-de-loop but winds up falling on his head)

Everyone: (laughing insanely at Eggman)

Jack: (suddenly notices Vector, runs off) I know nothing!

Tails: What do we do without a host? We can't leave while this place is still surrounded by fan girls! (shudders at memories of previous chapter)

Shadow: I'll just do the reviews then…

 _Good stuff, good stuff. How's this: I dare Amy to give Tails a girly makeover and throw him to some yaoi fangirls._  
 _-anonymous_

Amy: But I can't see with all of this duct-tape on me! I'll do a terrible makeover!

Shadow: That makes it funnier! Now do it! (pulls out a Chaos Emerald) Or I'll Chaos Spear you a million times!

Amy: (gulps)(starts makeover)

Tails: Why do I keep getting makeovers? First I'm dressed like a baby, now this!

Knuckles: It's because the fan girls think you're cute and cuddly!

Sonic: (runs back on stage from his epic chase scene) Phew! Mephy got attacked by the fan girls, so I was able to escape him! (a dramatic scream is heard from nearby) So, what's going on?

Knuckles: This! (throws Tails to the yaoi fan girls)

Yaoi fan girls: (screaming, professing their love for Tails)

Tails: Yahhh! Not again! (is dragged off by fan girls so they can smother him more)

Sonic: Ugh! My best friend has suffered quite a bit!

Shadow: Let's just read the next review already…

 _I dare knuckles to kiss shadow and for both of them to like it._  
 _-Liquid Hearts_

Shadow: (twitches while reading)

Rouge: What does the review say? Tell us!

Shadow: (gulps) No!

Sonic: (grabs review out of Shadow's hand, reads it) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!(rolls around on floor laughing) SHADOW AND KNUCKLES HAVE TO KISS…AND LIKE IT!

Everyone but those two: (laughing hysterically)

Shadow: (thinks of how the desire to kill everyone has started burning strongly again)

Knuckles: You may force us to kiss, but there's no way we're going to both like it!

Mysterious voices: That's where we come in! (Jack and Jill run back on stage)

Jack: AUTHOR POWERS! (hypnotizes both Shadow and Knuckles into kissing, then snaps fingers)

Knuckles: Ugh! My mouth tastes weird!

Shadow: So does mine! Wait…(gasps)…you don't think…(both throw up)

Janitor: (now vowing vengeance on Shadow and Knuckles as he cleans up mess)

Jack: With vomit on the ground, it's time for another review…

 _I think Sonic Characters should meet Mario Characters.(I want to see how that terns out)_  
 _-lillie-r-u_

Jack: Here they come! AUTHOR POWERS! (transports in all Mario characters)

Sonic: Hey! It's all of those punks we had to fight in Beijing earlier this year! (cracks knuckles and grins) This is going to be interesting…

Mario: What the? Mamma mia, it's that hedgehog bastardio and his pals again! (cracks knuckles and grins) Let's settle this, everyone…

(A huge fight breaks out on the stage)

-An hour later-

Jill: Wow, what a battle!

Jack: Indeed! It consisted of great moments like when Bowser set Eggman on fire, when Amy and Peach had that hammer and umbrella swordfight, and when Tails shot Yoshi! Oh, and the Sonic/Mario fight was a pretty cool mix of fastness and fire!

Jill: Yes, but we have to get to the last review of this chapter…

 _Tails Since you my Faviort leting you off the tourcer_  
 _Knuckals Face TNA Superstar Somoa Joe in the ring also Fan GIrls as Lumberjacks and Tails as the specal Ref_  
 _Tails since you going to be the ref you can cheet and help Somoa Joe wins or not it up to you_  
 _Shadow I Dare you were a Black, Red Dress with Black and Red Slip on shoes and Make out with Espio in the closet (Since I See that Fan Fic about Shadow and Knuckals Dressing up a Girl)_  
 _Rouge I Want you to turn Vector into a Vampire_  
 _Omega I want you to Face Eggman in a Steel Cage Match_  
 _Gamma I want you to Ref the Omega VS Eggman in a Steel Cage match_  
 _Big Play Football for the New York Jets_  
 _Mephiles (Sorry Tikal I din't mean to do this but I have too can you forgive me) I want you to Possesed Tikal and Male her Kick Sliver in the balls for being Not fast enought Since on_  
 _Sliver Have Mr. T Train Sliver to become the Fastest HEdgehog in the world_  
 _Also I want Cosmo the plant Girl (Not Cosmo from Fairy Oddparents) to be on stage so she can cheer Up Tails and Tails I am doing this for you buddy_  
 _-Charles Roberts_

Jack: Alright! In one corner, we have Samoa Joe, three time winner of the TNA Triple Crown! In the other corner, we have possibly the stupidest echidna in existence, Knuckles!

Knuckles: Hey!

Tails: He's right, you know!

Knuckles: (glares at Tails)

Jack: Let the fight begin!

Samoa Joe: (uses muscle busters to beat the crap out of Knuckles)

Tails: 3...2...1...Wow! This is the shortest fight I've ever seen! Samoa Joe wins!

Fan girls: (start crawling into ring)

Samoa Joe: (runs away)

Knuckles: (too exhausted to run away, so he gets dragged off by the fan girls) H-h-h-help!

Tails: Wow! I didn't even have to cheat!

Shadow: (bored voice) Another dress…and makeout session that will cause me to throw up…(puts on dress)

Espio: No way! (is hypnotized by Jack into going into closet)

Shadow: (walks into closet, is pounced on by hypnotized Espio) AHHHH! (trails of vomit soon start seeping out of closet)

Rouge: How am I supposed to do that?

Jack: You're a bat! And from the way you act, a lot of people think you're a vampire bat!

Rouge: Alright, I'll admit it! I am indeed a vampire bat! (grins) And I know how to get Vector! (plants a pole in the stage floor in front of Vector, starts pole dancing)

Vector: (drooling)

Rouge: (gets closer and closer until…the fatal kiss!)

Knuckles: (blushes angrily)

Vector: Yah! I'm bleeding like crazy!

Rouge: (laughs evilly) You're a vampire now! And your huge teeth will definitely be useful for you now!

Vector: Sweet! Not only am I a secret agent, but now a vampire! MUAHAHA!

Jill: Wow…I'm surprised by his reaction…

(steel cage is placed over Eggman and Omega)

Jack: Time to face-off!

Omega: Time to suffer, Eggman.

(starts shooting at Eggman, but Eggman just goes behind Omega, and shuts him off)

Eggman: Ha! Too easy!

Everyone: SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YOU THONG WEARING FATTY!

Eggman: (grumbles)

Gamma: Eggman wins. Hooray.

Jack: (teleports Big to the Jets Stadium, bribes coach) Here you go, Big!

-At the Superbowl-

Announcer: Wow! The Jets win! And it's because of that new player too! No one can tackle him at all!

Reporter: What have you to say on your victory, Big?

Big: Uhhhh…duhhh….I like fishing….

Everyone: (falls down anime style)

-Back on stage-

Mephiles: (jumps into Tikal's body) Interesting! I get to inhabit a girl's body now! (rubs boobs together)

Jill: Just do the dare already!

Mephiles: Fine. (walks up to Silver, kicks him in the crotch)

Silver: AUGH! THE AGONY!

Jack: Don't worry…you get a benefit also! (puts Silver on a track field with Mr T)

Silver: So, what do I do?

Mr. T: I pity the foo that doesn't know! RUN! RUN! RUUUUUNNNN!

Silver: (starts running with Mr.T shouting behind him)

-An hour later-

Silver: Look! I can run fast now! (moves at a speed that would put Sonic to shame…in fact, it does!)

Sonic: (walks off, sighing)

Jack: (brings Cosmo back to life) Here you go, Tails!

Tails: Wh-what? (ecstatic expression appears on his face) Cosmo! You're back!

Cosmo: Tails! (hugs him)

Tails: I can't believe this!

Cream: (coughs)

Tails: Oh…yeah…well, you see, Cosmo…Cream and I…well (whispers in her ear)

Cosmo: WHAT?! HOW COULD YOU?!

Tails: I thought you were gone forever!

Cosmo: Hmmph! (walks to other side of stage)

Tails: (sighs with depression)

Jack: Since we're bringing characters in…I might as well bring in Metal Sonic! (Metal Sonic jumps on stage)

Fan girls: (cheering)

Jill: Well, now we have two new characters to give question/dares to! Metal Sonic and Cosmo!

A happy and sad ending…kind of. Oh, and for those of you who have seen the movie From Dusk Till Dawn, that Rouge pole-dancing vampire thing was a homage to that movie!


	9. Body switching causes pain

Body switching causes pain

AUGGGHHHH! STUPID HOMEWORK! Now I can finally get back to doing another chapter…

Jack: What to do, what to do…

Jill: What is it?

Jack: I've had way too much homework, and my parents have been acting crazier than ever!

Jill: Well, these reviews will cheer you up…

 _Funny._  
 _Q:Where dose Amy keep her Hammer?_  
 _Q:What is the secret to Soinc's speed?_  
 _Q:Who dose Cream like like?_  
 _Now for my dares._  
 _Dare:I dare Soinc to pee on the master emerald while Knuckles is in full view._  
 _Dare:I dare Tails to ask Shadow where babys come from._  
 _Dare:I dare Sonic and Eggman (Can't spell his real name :p ) to acted like eachother for the whole next chapter.(But after my first dare.)_  
 _-Toko the Pikmin master_

Amy: I hide it under my dress, of course!

Charmy: (drools) I would like to be that hammer…

Amy: (hits where she hears Charmy with the hammer) You perv!

Sonic: I…my shoes are good for running, and I…

Jack: You use steroids, don't you?

Sonic: N-no! Of course not…(nervously looks around)

Jill: There's one way to find out! Amy, how small is Sonic…down there?

Amy: Well, he's surprisingly small. I think it must have shrunk…

Everyone but Sonic: (laughing heavily)

Sonic: (glares) Amy!

Jack: I knew it! That means he does use steroids! (True fact!)

Cream: Well…umm…

Charmy: Is there any hope for you and me again?

Cream: I was thinking of it…but then again you just said that perverted comment about Amy…so I'll go with Tails!

Tails: Yes!

Cosmo: (glares at Cream)

Jack: Here you go! (hands Master Emerald over to Sonic)

Sonic: Hehehe…(whizzes on Master Emerald) This is for making things harder for me, Knuckles!

Knuckles: (looks over at Sonic, is instantly mortified) YOU! (charges at Sonic) HOW DARE YOU?! (tackles Sonic, beats the living daylights out of him)

Sonic: Uhhhhnnn…it was still worth it…(collapses)

Tails: I already know that! Jack told me that back in chapter 1 when he turned me and Cream 16! (glares at Jack)

Jack: That doesn't mean I can't make you forget! AUTHOR POWERS! (erases Tails' memory of the talk)

Tails: Why do I feel funny around girls?

Jack: Just go ask Shadow where babies come from! Your question may be more related to it than you think…

Tails: Shadow, where do babies come from?

Shadow: (rolls eyes) Uggghhhhh…This is NOT something I thought I'd be doing today…I guess I'll have to show you…(takes Tails to a strip club)

Tails: OH MY GOD! (fetal position) Find my happy place…find my happy place…

Sonic: Alright then! (rough voice) I'm a big, fat, bald idiot who can never succeed at crime and is the worst Bond villain rip-off ever!

Eggman: (shakes fist at Sonic) You'll pay for that! (light voice) I'm a stupid, testosterone-filled pretty boy who can't say anything beyond a stupid cliché!

Everyone: SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YOU THONG WEARING FATTY!

Eggman: (grumbles)

 _Jack: I have to agree with Eggman on that, though…Wow! I never thought I would say those words together in my life! So weird…now for the next review…_  
 _I said I would be back with dares for the rest of you, and here I am! Evil laughter_  
 _Big: Take an IQ test and then show everyone the results!_  
 _Froggy: You're always running away from Big, so for this chapter, you must do anything Big wants you to do._  
 _Tikal: Hit a chao in front of chaos to make him angry at you._  
 _Mephiles: You must wear one of Rouge's outfits for the rest of this chapter. It befits one who is such a sissy._  
 _Espio: Tell Vector that you have found the computer room, but you aren't going to tell him where it is._  
 _Vector: Destroy your headphones._  
 _Omega: Let Tails reprogram you into becoming his own personal slave._  
 _Gamma: You're so lame for helping out Amy! Initiate a self-destruct program while locked in a small room with Amy._  
 _That's everyone for now_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Big: Uhhhh…okay…(goes into I.Q. testing room)(is immediately kicked out)

Jill: What happened?

Big: Uhhhh…they said I was doing so bad, they didn't want to bother continuing to try to find such a low score…

Jack: Wow, you have to be pretty stupid!

Cream: Jack! That's mean!

Jack: And your point is?…

Cream: (glares) (storms off)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: NOOOOOOOOO! I have to listen to HIM?!)

Big: Froggy! Let's play volleyball! (drags off Froggy)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Yes! I get to be squished to death before I have to endure too much from him!)

Tikal: What?! I can't do that!

Jack: (pulls out his shotgun) You'll have to! (sends Tikal to where Chao and Chaos are)

Tikal: Ummm…ummm…(look at Chao, then at Jack with shotgun) (hits a Chao lightly)

Chaos: RAWRRR! (jumps out of water)(attacks Tikal)

Tikal: No! I'm your friend! AHHHH!

-Back on stage-

Jack: …so Tikal got killed and I had to bring her back to life. The End.

Mephiles: (crawling back on stage) I have to wear WHAT?!

Rouge: (hands him a flower-patterned dress) Here you go!

Mephiles: (puts on dress) Grrrr….

Shadow: (laughing his ass of) Now I see why it's funny when a dress is put on me!

Jack: (grins) Watch out, Shadow…you don't want to agitate the fan girls…

Shadow: (gulps)

Espio: Vector! I found it! The main computer room on the ARK!

Vector: Really? Where is it?

Espio: Sorry, but it's classified.

Vector: WHAT?! But I'm your friend!

Espio: Sorry, but it's classified.

Charmy: Ha! Take that, Vector! This is justice for not immediately telling Espio and I that the client was Eggman when you found out!

Vector: Again, I'm sorry! Now, tell me where the main computer room is!

Espio: Sorry, but it's classifed.

Vector: (glares)

Jill: (while Vector isn't looking, grabs headphones off of his head)

Vector: Whoa! The conversation I was listening to just abruptly ended! Weird…Ah! My headphones!

Jill: (sets them on fire, throws them to fan girls) And there they go…

Vector: NOOOO! I was just about to find out where the nukes went and…forget what I just said!

Jack: (wide-eyed expression)…(bleep).

Tails: (rewires Omega) There we go! Now, get me some beer! (Omega walks off)

Sonic: But you're underage!

Tails: (grins) Omega's not!

Jill: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't ever remember you being so evil, Tails!

Jack: (bleep)! It must have been a side effect of the memory erasing!

Tails: What memory erasing?

Jack: Don't ask questions! (points minigun at Tails)

Tails: (backs away) Oooookay…

Jack: Now, to continue…(throw Amy into closet)

Amy: Where am I? It feels…small in here (Gamma on self-destruct sequence is thrown in)

Amy: Is somebody there? If I could get this duct tape off…(is blown up)

Everyone: YAYYYY!

Jill: Time for the next review…

 _Jack reads: give shadow a lightsaper and unleash him on to the fangirls_  
 _and have these people swich bodies_  
 _tails+sonic_  
 _Shadow+big_  
 _Eggman+froggy_  
 _and last but not least knukles+Gamma_  
 _(but don't tell any of the others just there swichers)_  
 _-XxSpiritWolfxX_

Jack: (hands Shadow a light saber, then throws him to fan girls) Go nuts!

Fan girls: (run at Shadow screaming)

Shadow: (fights in an epic battle, killing many fan girls) I…can't…keep…this up…YAHHHHH! (is taken by fan girls)

Jill: I'll go save him for his next dare…(walks off)

Jack: Well, I can still do the switches until then! (rebuilds Gamma)

Sonic: (still talking in rough voice) What do you mean by switches? Ho ho ho!

Eggman: (flips the bird at Sonic)

Jack: Silence, fools! AUTHOR POWERS!(switches the bodies around)

Tails: Cool! I can fly now! (flies around a bit) Though it's too bad I'm a nerd now…

Sonic: (glares at Tails) Hey!

Tails: Just saying…

Eggman: (hopping around like a frog)

Froggy: (comes back from volleyball game just barely alive)(looks at Eggman) Ribbit! (Translation: Do I really look like that? Wow, I've gained weight!)

Knuckles: (dull expression on face)

Rouge: You okay, Knuckles?

Knuckles: Yes. I am okay.

Rouge: Weird. You used to be stupid, but now you're boring…what's 7+8?

Knuckles: 15.

Rouge: (backs away from Knuckles) This is crazy!

Gamma: 7+8...AUGH! CAN'T…THINK..OF…ANSWER! (collapses on ground)

Rouge: Gamma's an idiot now? (realizes what happened) Ohhhhh…

Big: Gah! I'm in this terrible excuse for a body now? (rolls eyes) This is so annoying…

Rouge: (grins) Well, no surprise as to who that is…

Big: Shut up!…

Jill: (comes back dragging Shadow) I think the fan girls did something really bad to him…just look at him!

Shadow: Uhhhh…duhhh…(starts drooling)

Jack: (takes picture) Hehehe! I'm so blackmailing him now…

Big: Damn you!

Jack: Let's get to our next review, an anonymous one…

 _Have Shadow switch bodys with Cheese but dont let Cream know! And lock Sonic in the closet with Rouge! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _-Teh One_

Jack: Well, I might as well get everyone back in their bodies now…(switches everyone back to their bodies, but with one noticeable exception…)

Shadow: (starts randomly trying to fly around, but keeps falling down)

Cheese: Chao! (Translation: AW (bleep)! YOU ARE CRUEL, JACK!)

Jack: You've just figured that out NOW?

Cheese: (glares at Jack)

Sonic: (bleep) yes! Today's my lucky day!

Rouge: Well…I remember Amy's comment about his size, but I guess it WOULD be interesting…so sure! (goes into closet with Sonic)

Knuckles: (mortified) I can't believe this! First he defiles the emerald, now he steals my girl! This is the worst day EVER! (starts storming off)

Jill: Wait, Knuckles! (grins) I know how you can get back at her…

Knuckles: AUGH! (runs with Jill chasing him)

Jack: Just one more review left to do, and it's another anonymous one…

 _i dare everyone to have a giant brawl on stage with the fangirls and each other till there is only 1 left standing_  
 _-trogdor the saxinator_

Jack: (teleports everyone into an arena) Well, do what would most help the planet…by ridding of each other's existence!

(a giant brawl breaks out)

-A few minutes later-

Jill: Wow…the fan girls totally dominated that fight!

Jack: Yeah…there's no way you can survive by getting between a fan girl and a bishie! And that's the moral of the chapter, I think!

Time for another loooong night of homework…so until whenever I can get the next chapter up, good luck and good night!


	10. The most embarrassing moments

The most embarrassing moments

I hope to get multiple chapters in this weekend! The next 12 reviews I have shall be divided up into 3 chapters! I feel good about this…

(Sonic and Rouge walk out of closet)

Knuckles: I can't believe you slept with him before me!

Jill: I doubt that Sonic's the first guy she has slept with before you…

Jack: And Sonic's probably not going to be the last, either…

Rouge: (glares at Jack and Jill)

Jill: Let's just get to our first review, an anonymous one…

 _Hee, hee. I dare Tails to act like a baby for 2 chapters. then kiss Amy._  
 _-nothing_

Tails: (whiny voice)FIIIIIINNNNNEEEE!

Jack: Good! He's already started!

Jill: But now he won't be evil Tails…temporarily! Let's get to the next review…

 _I want to know everybody's embarrassing moment in their life, excluding this entire show(Make sure you don't miss one)._  
 _I wanted to see how funny these would be. I dare all of the male characters to wear a shock collar and to shock them painfully if they don't act gay for the entire fic, if you can. Except for Tails(but he still acts gay),also, I want you Jack to beat the crap out of Eggman for insulting tails in chapter 3._  
 _310sonicreaper89_  
 _-Foxmaster91_

Sonic: The time I got killed kinda sucked…

Mephiles: (laughing) And it's all thanks to me!

Sonic: (punches Mephiles)

Knuckles: Getting my ass kicked by Chaos at the beginning of SA was embarrassing…

Jack: I remember that! I laughed so hard, especially after you were beat up the first time, but then you ran up at Chaos again only to get beaten up a second time!

Knuckles: I was protecting the Master Emerald!

Jack: Well, you obviously suck at it!

Knuckles: I WHAT?! My…my sense of duty…(fetal position)

Eggman: Don't worry…Chaos beating me up multiple times was my worst moment as well!

Cream: I hated that time the military grabbed me! That's why I'm now probably going to wind up an emo rebel!

Jill: Weird…

Silver: Shadow beating me up with Chaos Control was sooo humiliating…

Jill: And one of the highlights in Sonic '06!

Shadow: (laughs) Indeed…

Rouge: I hated that time when I got sealed up in that vault in SA2! I nearly died, all because I was trying to follow that asshole's orders…

Eggman: Hey!

Espio: You're not the only one regretting listening to him! Team Chaotix's worst moment was when Eggman was our client!

Eggman: …nobody likes me…(starts crying)

Tails: WAHHHHH! Shadow was so mean that one time he hit me on the head!

Shadow: I was trying to kill Cosmo! You could've just gotten out of the way!

Cosmo: (glares at Shadow) Well, dying was my worst moment…

Blaze: Same here…

Mephiles: Agreed. How about the three of us plus Sonic form the SONIC CHARACTERS WHO DIED group! We can eat and drink and talk about what it was like on the other side…

Shadow: Can I join? Everyone THOUGHT I was dead after SA2!

Blaze: Sorry. No mortals allowed! (shuns Shadow along with the other three)

Shadow: (walks off sad) Well, my most embarrassing moment was when that Rose girl nagged at me on SA2! The reason I switched sides wasn't because she reminded me of Maria, it was because I wanted her to just shut up!

Amy: (bleep) you! I was trying to do the right thing for once!

Jack: Yeeeeaaahhh…well, the only times you've ever done something good for everyone, you had a ton of luck on your side! That's why you're one of my most hated characters!

Amy: (glares) My least favorite moment was when Sonic ditched me during a date!

Sonic: Hey, in my defense, those werewolves, zombies, vampires, and aliens weren't going to destroy themselves!

Knuckles: What are you talking about? That was the night when all of us guys had that awesome kegger, then went over to the strip club, then you got that hooker and-

Sonic: QUIET! Amy, whatever he's saying is a lie! I did not go to a hotel room to have sex, I was just watching movies!

Shadow: Oh, but don't forget to tell her what kind of movies…

Sonic: NO! I didn't watch porno, or try to imitate it with that hooker, or-

Jill: I think it's best that you stop right there before you put yourself in deeper (bleep)!

Amy: (red face)We have to TALK, Sonic…(drags him off)

Jack: (salutes Sonic as he passes by) DEAD MAN WALKING!…or being dragged!

Jill: (puts shocker on all of the guys) We won't do this for the entire rest of the fic, but we will do this for the rest of the chapter! (hands remote to Jack) Now act gay!

Guys: LEEEEAAAVE BRITNEY ALOOOOONE!(Youtube video)

Jill: Well, I guess that works!

Jack: Still…too…tempting…(pushes button anyways)

Guys: (electrified)

Jack: Yes! Eggman gets punished! (grabs Eggman, starts beating him up)

Eggman: Waugh! Stop it!

Jack: Now you're encouraging me even more! (pulls out chainsaws)

Eggman: NOOOOOOOOO!

Jill: While Jack is busy butchering Eggman, let's get to the next review…

 _dare Sonic to go on all fours and give everyone pony rides!_  
 _-cat2772_

Jill: Crap, we need Sonic! (runs out to get him, comes back with the bloody pulp which was once known as Sonic the Hedgehog) Amy really beat him up!

Sonic: Uggghh…should I go towards the light or away from it?….

Jack: Not until everyone gets their pony rides first! (everyone jumps on, absolutely crushing Sonic)

Cream: Go, pony, go! Giddy up!(kicks Sonic)

Sonic: (starts running at a crazy speed)

Everyone: Yay!

-A few minutes later of this stunt that might show up on Jackass someday-

Jack: Time for the last review of this chapter…

 _O...kay..._  
 _Very well. I, Masterweaver the incomprehensible, do hereby provide you with the Fusionator, a device with which you will be able to fuse two of the characters both physically and mentally. Said fusions can then be fused with other characters ad infinitum. I am sure that there will be some amongst you who can find some use for it._  
 _As to the dare: First infuse Knuckles with the knowledge of his Archieverse counterpart. Then slowly lower Julie-Su, in a glass cage, into the fangirl sea, until she is completely immersed. Allow glass to shatter. Watch the echidna's heart crumble._  
 _There will be more from me._  
 _-Masterweaver_

Jack: Ooooh! I like this! I'll do the dare first, though! (uses Fusionator on Knuckles)

Jill: (lowers a glass cage with Julie-Su inside)

Janitor: (turns on loudspeakers, starts playing sad music)

Knuckles: No! My soulmate!

(glass shatters)

Fan girls: KNUCKLES IS OURS!(drag off Julie-Su)

Knuckles: NO (bllep)ING WAY! I FIND A SOULMATE JUST SO SHE CAN BE TAKEN AWAY?!

Jack: Sucks to be you!

Rouge: YES! Now I don't have to compete with her anymore! Now that just leaves two more competitors left for Knuckles! (points at Jill and Tikal)

Jill: We'll see who wins soon enough…Oh! And I noticed something! There's some reviews you skipped over here!

Jack: You saw? Damn it! Well, I'm going to have to give away this spoiler early then to explain why…I was searching through the reviews and noticed a lot of dares in the reviews we'll be doing whichinvolve sex…so I decided to combine them all into one chapter! Next chapter will have 3 big reviews, and then the one after that will be…THE SEXUAL DARES CHAPTER!

Dun-dun-dun! I've got it all planned out already, and it's going to be pretty awesome!


	11. An awesome chapter, with a PARTY!

An awesome chapter with a PARTY!

Alright! I've completed 10 chapters of pure insanity! My chapters aren't as long right now as they used to be, but it's the quickest way for me to update with all of the homework I've been getting lately!

Jack: WOOT! My school has been celebrating homecoming!

Sonic: And what does this have to do with the fic?

Jack: Because all of you are going to party tonight! Or else!

Tails: (baby cry) WAAHHH! I think it's best that we don't know what the "or else" is…

Jack: Exactly. Now let's get reviewing!…

 _This is great! I love Sonic,but I love Shadow even more! Anyway dare time!_  
 _Sonic,tails,Knuckles: Reenact a scene from Star Wars._  
 _Amy:hug and kiss sonic as much as you want and sonic can't complain._  
 _Shadow:Take a reak for the rest of the chapter. And do whatever you want with this machine gun and laser._  
 _Rouge:Steal all the chaos emeralds._  
 _Loving this,_  
 _SOnicxrox_  
 _P.S. Shadow, I AM NOT A FAN GIRL!_  
 _-Sonicxrox_

Shadow: Phew! I've already dealt with enough fan girls! (fetal position) Maria!

Jack: (throws light sabers to Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles) Fight!

(they reenact the fight scene at the end of Episode 2)

Tails: AUGHH! MY ARMS HAVE BEEN CHOPPED OFF!

Sonic: MY HANDS ARE GONE!

Knuckles: MUAHAHA! You guys suck at fighting! Now I have to go do more…evil things…(walks off)

Amy: (tackles Sonic)(starts one of the most ferocious make-out sessions ever)

Sonic: Gah! Without my hands, I can't get her off me!

Jack: (pulls out machine gun) Remember, you can't complain!

Sonic: (sighs)

Jack: (feeds sanity pills to Shadow)

Shadow: (holds up weapons triumphantly, then uses a Chaos Emerald) Chaos Control! (Puts on sunglasses, reenacts pretty much every shooting scene from the Matrix on everyone) Hahahaha! I'm too cool for you!

Rouge: (suddenly grabs a Chaos Emerald of her own) Chaos Control! (everything freezes) Cool! (steals Shadow's Chaos Emerald, then teleports out)

-A few minutes later-

Rouge: (teleports back in) Got them all! Now it's time for my wish…I want all of the jewels in the world to be mine! (a mountain of jewels appears on stage) YES! My life's dream is complete! (swims in the giant pile of jewels)

Jill: Well, Rouge is happy!

Jack: (grumbles) Let's just get to the next review so we can cause suffering…

 _Eyes are red and twitching and body is shaking uncontrollably with rageI warned all of you to choose the best Sonic character in chapter 6, but none of you payed me any heed when the answer was clearly Tails! Now you shall all be punished because I'm an extremely vindictive person!_  
 _Everyone except Sonic: Everyone must each kill Sonic one time. (Revive Sonic each time so that the next character can kill him) You may kill him however you see fit, as long as it's painful. After everyone has killed him once, toss him to the fangirls! That'll teach Sonic to be egotistical!_  
 _Tails: Take this super laser Gives Tails a super laser and show everyone why you're the best Sonic character ever! Kill them all as many times as you think you need to in order for them to understand that you're the best character ever!_  
 _That'll teach all of you! Until later, when I can torture all of you even more! Evil laughter_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jack: (throws a grenade at Sonic) DIE!

Sonic: (is blown up)

Jack: AUTHOR POWERS!

Sonic: (revived, looks at everyone with maniacal grins on their faces) Oh (bleep)! (is killed numerous times, including being stoned to death, hanging, choking, drowning in a puddle, and getting his eyes poked out by Knuckles' fists)

Jill: And now for the grand finale! But we're not just throwing Sonic to any fan girls…we're throwing him to the Tails fan girls! (throws Sonic to them)

Sonic: N-no! You can't do this to me! AHHHH!

Fan girls: (drag him off screaming)(take him to where they commit acts upon him that would, from then on, be recounted in Mobian horror stories for generations to come!)

Tails: (baby voice) WAAAHHH! I'm not the best! But I'm about to be…(uses super laser on everyone many times)

-100 kills later-

Shadow: Ugghhh….Sonic's still bette-(BAM BAM BAM) (is killed again)

Amy: Fine! You're the best, Tails!

Tails: How about you show me by completing one of our dares from last chapter?

Amy: What are you talking abou-(is kissed by Tails)

Tails: Yes! I don't have to act like a baby anymore!

Jack: (grins) Nice…Evil Tails is back! And just in time for the next review…

 _sweet! i like these things! lets see. i dare..._  
 _Sonic: run as fast as you can through the fan girl pit to get the goal ring on the other side of em._  
 _Shadow: gives him a standard issue M4 Carbine with scope attatchment have a ball_  
 _Tails: just...i dont' know, have fun with Cream or kill Charmy again or somethin. your too cool to screw with._  
 _Amy: GO AWAY! have someone put her in an M1A1 Abrams gun tube and blast her far away._  
 _Silver: um...just...float around or something. your cool too._  
 _thats all that i can think of right now. see ya later!_  
 _-SSG Tim the Hedgehog_

Jack: AUTHOR POWERS!(brings back Sonic)

Sonic: A goal ring? But through the fan girls?!

Tails: You have to get to the goal ring! It's part of your contract with Sega!

Sonic: (bleep)! You're right…(runs into fan girl ocean) Wait…WHERE IS IT?!

Fan girls: (screaming) A BISHIE! LET'S GET HIM! (in case you don't know, a bishie is a guy who fan girls find attractive)

Sonic: Hey! I can't get my feet up! But if I can't move, then…I'M STUCK!HELP!

Jack: (grins while holding up a bucket of glue) Oh yeahhh…I decided to repaint your shoes, but we didn't have any white paint, so I had to use this!

Sonic: (flips the bird at Jack before being devoured by fan girl swarm)

Shadow: (holds up M4 Carbine) Cool! (looks into fan girl crowd) And I know what I want to do! (shoots at Sonic)

Sonic: GYAAH! Okay, whoever's doing that, please stop! (is still shot at) I'll give you cookies! (is still shot at) AW (bleep)! YOU SHOT ME RIGHT IN THE (bleep)(bleep) (bleep)(bleep)

Jack: Wow! Sonic's swearing a lot today!

Tails: (uses super laser to disintegrate Charmy)(twirls gun, blows the smoking barrel) Easily done!

Jack: (brings in M1A1 Abtrams tank)

Amy: What's that for!

Jill: Want to find out? (shoves Amy down gun barrel)

Jack: Fire!

Amy: (is blasted out) YAAAAAHHHHH!

-In the middle of the ocean-

Amy: It's so lonely out here…Well, I'm glad I have these bloody fish guts to eat! (A shark fin appears over the water's surface) Oooh! A fin! Hi fishy! And he brought along some friends! What a great day this is! And these fish are so big too…with their long teeth and gills and-Hey! You don't have to nibble me! And you don't have to nibble so hard either… AUGGGHHH!

-Back on stage-

Silver: Thanks!

Jack: Now the reviews for this chapter are done, so it's time to go to the PARTY!

-That night-

Jill: Wow, these Sonic characters are getting really drunk!

Knuckles: W-what's that? Y-you c-calling me s-stupid?

Jack: No…we're saying that you're drunk!

Knuckles: T-them's fightin' words! (tries punching Jack, but falls off of barstool and hits his face on the ground) H-hey! Who just punched me? Did you? (starts punching the ground)

-Meanwhile-

Amy: (how did she escape the sharks?) Shadow, don't be so hard on yourself!

Shadow: N-no! There's been too many t-times where I've b-been a real jerk! (smashes glass on counter) I kept turning all evil and trying to kill you guys…and it's ALL my f-fault! (depressed sigh)

Jack: So…Shadow's an emotional drunk! No surprise there!

-On the outside porch-

Sonic: H-hey Tails! Guess what? I can fly…

Tails: No…I'm the one who can fly!

Sonic: O-oh REALLY?! J-just watch! (jumps off of porch, starts waving arms frantically) S-see! I'm flyin-(smashes into a tree, falls to the ground)

-Later-

Tails: (hands Jack a drink) Look, just give Cream this and I'll get you some new weapons! I can hack into the Pentagon!

Jack: Alright! For the sake of torturing you guys, I'll do it! (walks over to Cream)

Jack: Cream, you haven't drank at all!

Cream: Oh, I just don't like to drink that much…

Jack: Here you go! (hands Cream a drink) Try it!

Cream: Taking a drink from a complete stranger? Why not!? (gulps it down) Wow! I feel so weird…(is immediately knocked out)

Tails: (walks over to them) Yes! Thank you! And don't worry, I'll keep up my end of the bargain! (drags off Cream)

Jack: Wow…Evil Tails is at it again!

Jill: And he's not the only one taking advantage of the situation…(points to Amy, who's dragging an unconscious Sonic away)

Jack: Well, I think it's time to head off for the night! I can't wait for tomorrow…

Next chapter…it's THE SEXUAL DARES CHAPTER!


	12. THE SEXUAL DARES CHAPTER!

THE SEXUAL DARES CHAPTER!

This is it! The anticipated sexual dares chapter!

(cue porno music starts playing in background)

Jack: (puts on sunglasses, sits in a director's chair) This is the chapter where we do some of the many sexual dares we've been getting! Yeeah, baby, yeeah!

Jill: And, as you can see, Jack here has decided to act like a porno director throughout this whole chapter!

Jack: You got it spot on, baby! Yeeah!

Jill: Let's just start going through the reviews already…

 _i dare silver to have sex with blaze where everyone can see!_  
 _and if that is taking it to far, then i dare sonic and silver to go into the closet of love until they have man sex_  
 _MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _-gunslinger 117_

Blaze: WHAT?! But then everyone will see me naked…

Jack: That's the point! (looking through reviews) Besides, it looks like most of the guys are going to be seeing you naked anyways later in this chapter!

Blaze: (glares) Well, I'm not taking my clothes off out here!

Jack: Then we'll do it for you! AUTHOR POWERS!

Blaze: Why do I suddenly feel colder? (looks down to see herself completely naked) OH MY GOD!

Guys: (drooling)

Jack: (narrative voice) And at that moment, a million boners sprang up around the world!

Silver: Well…I guess we should do it, then! (starts making out with Blaze)

Janitor: (turns up the porno music)

Jack: Yeeah, turn it up! Yeeah!

-A few minutes later-

Blaze: (grumbling, putting clothes back on)

Guys: (crowding the bathroom entrance for…you know)

Jill: Disgusting…but the next part will be what the girls like!

Sonic: Whoa! Why would I willingly have sex with him?

Jack: It doesn't have to be willing! (summons yaoi fan girls on stage) Go, ladies, go! Yeeah!

Yaoi fan girls: (grab Silver and Sonic, drag them into closet)

Silver: But I just had sex! I'm too tired to have any right now-AUGH!

Jill: (looks at Jack) I thought you didn't want yaoi fan girls on stage! You were worried about their powers to make men pregnant!

Jack: As long as I'm here, I can counter their powers with mine, so it's okay when I'm around to have yaoi fan girls on stage!

Jill: Oh. Then on to our next review, an anonymous one…

 _shadow: yes, men can get pregnant, I know from experience (glances at his alien baby, who responds with a blarg)_  
 _Blaze: you know in your heart you like silver, you +! Admitted it at the end of sonic '06!_  
 _mephiles: YOUDIEYOUDIEYOUDIE! (yeah, I +! Hate him)_  
 _shadow: (cures his insanity and revives maria as a yellow cat) closet with maria!_  
 _silver and blaze: closet again, but with psychokenetic/pyrokenetic sex too! (screw you, silvamy and sonaze fans!)_  
 _Sonic: (cures amy's fan girlness and makes more curvy) closet!_  
 _tails:(revives cosmo and makes her 16) pick, cream or cosmo, then closet!(cosmo is pacifist, so she don't get emotional or hurt peoples)_  
 _Im tucker, and I'm out!_  
 _-Tucker from Blood Gulch_

Shadow: (glares at Jill) I still remember that from chapter 6!

Jill: And it was totally worth the humiliation…

Blaze: Yeah…I guess I do at this point.

Silver: (running out of closet, traumatized) Oh yeah, I remember that…but that was just before you decided to kill yourself! (glares at Blaze)

Blaze: I was saving the planet!

Silver: But what about saving my heart?! Huh?! (runs off crying)

Blaze: (rolls eyes)(goes after him)

Mephiles: Ah! I'm going crazy! I keep hearing somebody telling me to die! (runs off screaming) Make the voices stop! Make the voices stop! Yahhhhh….

Shadow: (cured) What? I'm no longer insane? Yes! No more fetal position for me!

Jack: (revives Maria as a blonde yellow cat wearing a blue dress)

Shadow: Holy (bleep)! Maria, is that you?! You're a smoking hot blonde now!

Maria: Thanks, Shadow. So, what do we do now?

Jack: The obvious first thing to do at a reunion is…have sex! Yeeah!

Maria: What? But, what if I don't want to? I mean, Shadow's the best friend I ever had, but-

Shadow: But you're HOT now! (kisses Maria)

Maria: Well…alright! (they go into the closet)

Silver: (walks back on stage with Blaze) I think the proper term is telekinetic, not psychokinetic!

Jill: Whatever, just go in there and experiment with it already!

Silver: (opens closet door) OH MY GOD!

Shadow: Whoa, what the hell?

Maria: Why are you guys barging in?

Silver: We didn't know you were in here!

Shadow: Get out of here! You're invading our privacy!

Blaze: Really? You didn't seem to mind one bit about privacy when it was you watching us have sex!

Shadow: (glares)(slams closet door in their face)

Silver: Well, what now?

Blaze: I'm not having sex out in the open again! Let's just have sex in the showers.

Silver: Awesome! (they walk off)

-A few minutes later-

Jack: So, how was it?

Blaze: It was amazing! I never thought Silver could do foreplay telekinetically!

Silver: And when Blaze used her fire to heat things up…the sex just got better!

Jill: (points to audience) Uh-oh! The tensions have increased in the fan girl battle! The Sonaze fan girls got really pissed at that remark by Tucker, and now are causing destruction not seen since the Dresden bombings of World War 2!

Jack: And the next dare's only going to anger them more, causing more destruction…MUAHAHA!

Amy: (becomes curvier) Alright! Now the boys will start drooling over me!

Sonic: I'll be the first in that! (picks up Amy, carries her into closet)

Sonaze fan girls: (shrieking death threats to Jack, Amy, and Silver)

-A few minutes later-

Sonic: Wow! I'm going to have a tough time deciding between her and Blaze! They're both pretty sexy now!

Jack: Well, Cosmo is already revived…but I can still make her 16! AUTHOR POWERS, baby!

Cosmo: (becomes 16) Sweet! Now I can compete with Cream for Tails' love!

Cream: Well, which one of us will you choose, Tails?

Tails: This is a tough one…I'm going to have to go with whoever is best at sex!

Cosmo: I'll put out! (walks into closet) Let's go for it!

Cream: No, I'll be having sex with Tails! (also walks into closet)

Tails: I think I know what the best solution to this all is! (walks into closet, shuts and locks door behind him)

Jack: Whoa! Did I just see Evil Tails convince Cream and Cosmo to join him in a threesome? Ohhh yeeah, baby!

Jill: Let's go to our next review…

 _sorry for the duo reviews again, but this is just to funny of a ..._  
 _shadow:(drops a halo 3 human tank on stage)go crazy!_  
 _sonic:uh...oh!go into the closet with amy, blaze, and rouge and have a 3some!_  
 _silver:duur...oh!beat halo 3 on legendary in 5 mins.,then join sonic in his 3some_  
 _MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _-gunslinger 117_

Shadow: Fun! (starts driving around) First stop…G.U.N. Headquarters! I've been wanting a pay raise for a little while now…(drives off)

Sonic: (jaw drops open) No…Way! Best…Day…Of…My…LIFE!

Jill: (shoves Sonic, Amy, Rouge, and Blaze into closet once Tails, Cream, and Cosmo leave)

Jack: (hands Halo 3 to Silver) Now play! Yeeah!

Silver: (plays around a bit) Wow! This is really hard!

Jill: That's why you have to do this!

(soon, moans of "OH, SONIC!" can be heard from all 3 women in closet)

Silver: (starts playing even faster) Got it! (runs into closet) PARTY TIME! WOOT!

Jill: Heeeeyyy…he used a cheat code!

Jack: And your problem is?

Jill: It's not playing honorably!

Jack: No, it's being smart! Using your mind, baby!

Jill: Let's just agree to disagree and go on to the next review…

 _Funny dares couldn't stop laughing_  
 _I have dares for everybody:_  
 _Amy: Paint Shadow blue and force him into the fangirl pile_  
 _Sonic: Get turned into a plushie for Amy for the rest of the chapter_  
 _Shadow: Knock up Rouge_  
 _Knuckles: Knock up Blaze_  
 _Silver: Beat up Knuckles after he knocks up Blaze_  
 _Tails: Give the Chaotix FULL controll over your workshop_  
 _Charmy: Get revenge on Tails using his own machines_  
 _Rouge, Cream, and Eggman: I don't know just let Jack and Jill use their awesome powers to torture them._  
 _-Shad'sGirl12_

Shadow: (comes back from "pay negotiations") What do I have to do now? (reads first dare) Hmmmm…(bleep).

Amy: (pulls out blue paint) This will be easily done! (grabs Shadow and starts painting him)

Shadow: Ah! I can't get away! (struggling, but can't escape Amy's fan girl grip of DOOM)

Amy: All done! (throws Shadow to fan girls)

Fan girl 1: (screaming) OMG! It's Sonic!

Fan girl 2: No! Even better! IT'S SHADOW!

Fan girls: (screaming doubles)(take away Shadow, who's begging for mercy the whole way)

Sonic: (walks out of the closet thinking of the world as a happy place, but then reads the next dare) Not again!

Jack: Yeeah, but this time with Amy! And you're also not just plushie-sized, but an actual plushie this time! AUTHOR POWERS!

Sonic: (bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)!

Amy: OMG! He's sooooooo cute! (hugs Sonic tightly)

Jill: Now to do the sexual dares in this review! (jumps into fan girl pit, brings back out Shadow)

Shadow: Crap! Who wants to rape me next?!

Jill: (points to Rouge) Her!

Shadow: (drools) Well, she can have her way with me ANYTIME!

Rouge: So, now I have to do Shadow? Well, it would be neat to do someone bigger down there than Sonic on this fic!

Sonic and Knuckles: (glare at her)

Shadow: (goes into closet with a smirk on his face as Rouge enters)(door shuts behind them, and the moaning starts almost immediately)

-A few minutes later-

(the couple heads out of the closet very satisfied)

Jack: Oh, and now should I tell you that I used my powers to remove the effects of Rouge's birth control pill?

Shadow and Rouge: WHAT?!

Rouge: (grabs a nearby pregnancy test, hurries into bathroom)

(soon, Rouge yells "(bleep)!" from inside the bathroom)

Shadow: NOOOOO! (glares at Jack) That was a jerk move!

Jack: And part of the dare! Yeeah!

Knuckles: I can't believe this! Silver, Sonic, Tails, and Shadow have all gotten laid in this chapter, but I haven't! Instead, Rouge cheats on me with both Shadow and Sonic and is now pregnant!

Jack: (whispers) You know, you could get back at her…

Knuckles: NO! I'm not sleeping with that crazy fan girl! (points to Jill)

Jack: No, not with her! With the other hot chick besides Rouge!

Knuckles: You mean Blaze? But I already just got to see her naked!

Jack: Well, then see her naked again! Only this time, you get to do her!

Knuckles: (grins) Nice! (yells) Hey Blaze! Are you always warm or just happy to see me?

Blaze: Hmmmm…well, I might as well try doing someone who's not a hedgehog. Let's find out the answer to your question, then! (they head into the closet)

Rouge: (storms out of bathroom only to see Knuckles and Blaze go into closet) AUGH! This has turned into the worst day of my life!

Jill and Tikal: (angrily confused about what Knuckles did)

Silver: (jaw drops open)

-A few minutes later-

Jack: And now I think I should announce that I also removed the effects of Blaze's birth control!

Knuckles: OH NO! So that's why you wanted me to do her!

Blaze: (uses pregnancy test) I'm pregnant also!

Silver: YOU (bleep)ing (bleep)! I'LL (bleep) (bleep) YOUR (bleep) AND (bleep)! (gives Knuckles a total overkill in beatings)

Jack: You know what? Now a new movie shall be made…Double Juno! (teleports Rouge, Shadow, Blaze, and Knuckles onto set)

Knuckles: Uggghhhh…I'm in no condition to do a movie…

Jack: Too bad! That's Hollywood for you!

-90 minutes later-

Jill: (laughs) Double Juno is hilarious! Especially since Knuckles is badly bruised and swollen throughout the whole movie!

Jack: He's having a bad day also!

Tails: ARE YOU INSANE?! THOSE INCOMPETENT IDIOTS WILL DESTROY IT!

Team Chaotix: (glares at Tails)

Jill: You think we care?

Jack: (teleports them to workshop) Go loose, boys!

Charmy and Vector: YAYYY!

Espio: (rolls eyes)

Charmy: (holds up two vials of chemicals) What happens when I mix these? (starts mixing them)

Tails: NOOOO! (nothing happens) Phew!

Charmy: (pulls out two more vials of chemicals) And if I mix these? (BOOOM)

-A few minutes later-

Tails: I can't believe you guys destroyed my workshop so quickly! Now how am I supposed to steal all of those nukes-I mean, teddy bears?

Jack: I think it's best we stay out of this…

Jill: I'll torture Cream while you get Rouge, then we'll torture Eggman together! (grabs her and takes her to a stretcher thing)

Jack: Can my torturing Rouge be sadist torture? (drools)

Jill: Hmmm…Sure!

Jack: (grabs Rouge, takes her to a dungeon with his whip in hand) Yeeah, baby, yeeah!

-A few painful minutes later-

Eggman: Stop poking me with the burning rod! It's all…burny and stuff…

Jack: (sad voice) Fine. Let's head to the next review…

 _let each sonic charater choose one other charater to have their revange or satifaction on. and let them choose what they do while the other one sits there and takes it._  
 _O and great fanfic_  
 _-XxSpiritWolfxX_

Everyone: (grins)

Jack: Well, to fit the theme of sexual dares, I think I know what's going to happen next…

Everyone: (starts an orgy in the closet, even with plushie Sonic)

-One hour later-

Sonic: (back to normal size) Wow! That was fun! But I wonder where Eggman was…(is blown up by a bazooka)

Eggman: Hahaha! I got my revenge!

Jack: (shakes head) You idiot…you could've had sex with any of the hot chicks in the closet, but you chose instead to blow up Sonic?

Eggman: What? I wanted some vengeance!

Jill: (sighs) That ends the chapter, I guess

-Later-

Janitor: (opens closet door) OH MY GOD! WHAT A MESS!(throws up, then starts cleaning up) Stupid kids with their (bleep)ing and (bleep)(bleep)(bleep) all over the place…

Over 300 hits last night! Awesome!


	13. The fan girl war concludes

The fan girl war concludes

We've hit 100 reviews! I'm so excited! Time to continue this awesome fic…

Jill: What's going on now, Jack?

Jack: Well, I decided to use that Fusionator thingy from a couple of chapters ago.

Jill: On who?

Jack: Well, my goal is to create the hottest Sonic chick ever!

Jill: Alright, but make sure to make the hottest guy as well!

Jack: Alright! (fuses Amy, Rouge, and Blaze) Now presenting…Amrouze!

Guys: (foaming at mouth)

Jack: (fuses Sonic, Espio, and Shadow) Also introducing…Shadspionic!

Fan girls: (screaming the loudest ever)

Jill: I've got an interesting idea…(shoves Amrouze and Shadspionic into closet) There!

-A few minutes of extreme passion later-

Amrouze: Wow! That was amazing!

Shadspionic: Well, what next?

Jack: This! (kicks Shadspionic off stage, where fan girls are)

Fan girls: OMG! SONIC, SHADOW, AND ESPIO ALL COMBINED! (bouts of fainting, followed by what could be called a "gold rush" for Shadspionic)

Shadspionic: AHHHHHHHH!

-Later-

Jack: Well, that was a fun use of the Fusionator! Now that the characters are no longer fused, to the reviews…

 _PLEASE DARE AMY TO VIOLATE SONIC, TAILS, AND SHADOW WITH A STRAPON._  
 _jUST FOR LAUGHS._  
 _-NOBODY_

Sonic: Whoa there! That crazy fan girl is going to have her way with me?

Jack: Apparently! AUTHOR POWERS! (ties down Sonic, Tails, and Shadow)

Amy: (puts on strap-on)(grins) Hiiiii boyssss….(approaches them)

Sonic, Tails, and Shadow: AUUUUUGGGGHHHH!

-A few minutes of discomfort later-

(lots of vomit pouring all over the floor)

Janitor: Damn it! Will you stupid (bleep)ing kids ever learn to control your (bleep)ing stomach acid? (cleans up)

Jill: Next!…

 _This characters have gotten off easily on the dares, so this are my dares._  
 _Sonic: I want you to grab your chilidogs and throw them in the tiolet and flush them all away._  
 _Shadow: I want you to be tied up and force to watch the horrible episodes of Barney and when your done, sing the Barney song in front of everyone._  
 _Knuckles: Your so dumb. I dare you to get lessons from Tails and wont stop until you learn something smart._  
 _Silver: get your hand chain to a running machine in those fitness club with full power and dont syop until you run fast._  
 _Rouge: Since you dont work without getting paid I dare you that for the entire chater and the next three, that you must clean any messes that the others do without anything in return._  
 _Amy: I dare you to resist Sonic again and to resist hurting other character like Blaze when they get involved._  
 _Charmy: I dare you to throw up, and see what the janitor will do for you when he has to clean it all up(Rouge gets out of this one time), and get bug sprayed again._  
 _Eggman: I dare you to let your self get hit by th others and to run aroud the stage and won't stop until you lose everything and if you stop have a robot that Tails made to kick him in the rear._  
 _Blaze: I dare you to get in an icy cold pool and remain their until you get a dare._  
 _Cream: I dare you to become an emo for this entire time unless if stop by a dare._  
 _Tails: Your is simple, I dare you to Kiss Sonic._  
 _-Foxmaster91-_

Sonic: (puts chili dogs in toilet, starts tearing up) Goodbye, my friends (sniff) (sad music plays in background) Don't know what you got…till it's go-one…

Sonic: (flushes toilet) NOOOOO! (runs off crying) Don't follow!

Jack: Mwahahahahaha! So evil…(ties up Shadow in front of TV)

Shadow: What do I have to watch?

Jack: (grins)(turns on TV)

TV: (playing song) Barney is a dinosaur,…

Shadow: (struggling) NOOOOO! THE MADNESS! Can't….last…long…

TV: Today, the whole series is playing!

Shadow: AUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!

Jack: While Shadow faces his ultimate nemesis, we'll deal with Knuckles' education…

Tails: Okay, so for physics, to find energy, you need to square the speed of light and multiply that by the mass…

Knuckles: (blinking)

Tails: (sighs) Emc squared!

Knuckles: (blinking)

Tails: E!

Knuckles: (blinking)

Tails: (sighs) This is going to be a loooooong night….

Silver: But I'm already running fast now! Mr. T took care of that!

Jill: (handcuffs Silver to a treadmill which just randomly appears next to him) That doesn't mean we still can't submit you to the torture! (turns up treadmill to full speed, then throws Silver on it)

Silver: YAH! (immediately falls, but since he's attached by the handcuff, he keeps hitting his head on the treadmill) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (hitting his head between words)

Everyone: (laughing)

Silver: Ow! Alright, that's funny enough! Ow! Now can you please let me off? Ow!

Jack: You're not running fast yet!

Silver: (flips the bird at everyone)(starts trying to run fast)

Rouge: Crap! Well, I don't think I have a say in this…(grabs janitor mop)

Janitor: Whoopee! Now those stupid kids will finally get that (bleep)(bleep)(bleep) that they deserve!

Amy: (bleep)! Me without…SONIC?

Sonic: Woot! Thank you, FoxMaster! No more crazy fan girl stalkers for me!

Jack: …for this chapter…

Charmy: I don't want to know!

Jill: Too bad! (shoves a can of bug spray down his throat)

Charmy: (throws up)

Janitor: (bleep)ing bug! I'll squash you for that! (pulls out a fly swatter, hits charmy)

Charmy: Yaugh! (is beaten to death)

Janitor: (cleans up mess of bug guts, vomit) Idiots…

Tails: (runs out of classroom) He learned something!

Knuckles: B goes after A!

Jack: Good! Now what goes after that?

Knuckles: (collapses, rolls around) AHHHHH! CAN'T…THINK…

Rouge: (shakes head) He's hopeless…

Tails: Now to build that robot! (builds a giant kicking boot) Go!

Eggman: (runs with boot chasing him and everyone punching him) Ouch! Stop that! I mean it! (soon collapses)

Jack: (laughing with malice) That was fun!

Blaze: But I'm part fire! What if I die in there?

Jill: We'll just revive you and make you continue to stay in there!

Jack: Oh, and let's make this even funnier! AUTHOR POWERS!

Blaze: (wearing a bikini) (glares at Jack)

Jill: Go in…(points to swimming pool, which is now icy cold)

Blaze: (steps in, starts shivering) Brrrrr…

Cream: Alright…(curls up in a corner, starts playing with fire) What is life about anyway…

Tails: Ohhh boy…(kisses Sonic, throws up)

Rouge: (grumbles) Stupid kids, with little respect these days…(starts cleaning up)

Silver: Helloooooo! I'm running fast again!

Jack: (sighs) Fine. (lets Silver off of treadmill)

Silver: Hooray! (runs around the world)

Jill: Let's head to the next review…

 _Sshadow is cool so I'm sparing him_  
 _let Shadow_  
 _Shred Sonic's Shoes_  
 _Compact his chili Dogs_  
 _& Kill tails_  
 _Then Shoot Sonic in the balls again after it is healed_  
 _Then sove 5 watermelons up Amy's & throw her into the fanboy_  
 _crowd._  
 _Your loving fan Static._  
 _-Static the Electric Hedgehog_

Shadow: (runs out of TV room shuddering) These dares look good…(trips Sonic and takes off his shoes)

Sonic: Don't you dare!

Shadow: (throws them into a meat shredder)

Sonic: NOOOOOOO! But my chili dogs were just flushed down the toilet! Ha!

Jack: Well, then Shadow has to go get them!

Shadow: What?! In the sewers?

Jill: Mmmm-hmm…

Shadow: (glares) (goes to sewers)

-An hour later-

Shadow: I compacted what looked like some chili dogs…at least I hope they were…(shudders) Well, time to get some satisfaction! (suddenly shoots Tails)

Fan girls: NOOOOOO!

Sonic: Hey, that was my best friend who you just shot-(is shot in the crotch) AH! (collapses, starts rolling around) NOT AGAAAIIIIN!

Shadow: This day keeps getting better and better! (grabs Amy and 5 watermelons, then drags her into closet)

Amy: (walks out of there quickly) Owwwww…that hurt! (trips over Sonic, who's still on the ground, and lands in the fan BOY crowd)

Fan boys: (drooling, then charge at Amy) YAAAAAHHHH!

Amy: OMG! I HAVE FANS! Who wants my autograph first-AHHHHHHHH! (disappears into fan boy crowd)

Shadow: (laughs) Thanks, Static! That helped cheer me up from the sewer adventure! (glares at Jack and Jill)

Jack: Next!…

 _I dare Tails to swallow Cream whole._  
 _-Nothing_

Tails: How the (bleep) do I do that?

Jill: That's for you to figure out!

Tails: (walks up to Cream) Hey, I think you'll like this new cologne I found! (holds up cloth)

Cream: Really? What's the smell? (sniffs it) It smells stroooooonnnngggg…(is knocked out)

Tails: Thank you, chloroform! Now to figure out how to do this dare! (drags her off)

-A few minutes later-

Tails: (runs back on stage) I did it! I shrank her with my machines! (holds up unconscious Cream in his hand)(swallows her)

Jill: Strange dare….and now to another big review…

 _I'm back, and I think it's time some characters had their revenge on others!_  
 _Froggy: Get Big to start chasing you and trick him into falling off into the fangirls. It shouldn't be too hard._  
 _Blaze and Amy: The fangirl war is taking forever, and it's time to end it. let's have a twist, though. Blaze, you must lead the Sonic X Amy fangirls while Amy must lead the Sonic X Blaze fangirls. However, since I don't want either of you to give up and allow the other side to win, the leader of the winning team gets to execute the leader of the losing team._  
 _Tails: Create a new breed of bees that are very aggressive and very poisonous. Then, introduce Charmy to his new "family"._  
 _Charmy: After being revived, you must bow down and worship Tails as your superior. If you refuse, I have a big can of bug spray, and I'm not afraid to use it._  
 _Rouge: How could you steal from charity!? You must give everything you own away to charity, (Clothes, house, jewelry, etc.) and you're not allowed to steal again! I'm keeping my eye on you and will stop you if you try to leave again._  
 _Eggman: You must go on a diet! You must run laps around the stage until you recieve another truth or dare.. If you slow down, Tails will zap you with this tazer. (Gives Tails a tazer)_  
 _Knuckles: OMG! I see the Master Emerald in the middle of the fangirls! I'm not lying this time. Hurry and save it!_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Froggy: (hops towards the edge of the stage) Ribbit! (Translation: Here, kitty kitty!)

Big: Froggy! There you are! (dives at Froggy)

Froggy: (jumps out of way, causing Big to fall into fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (tear Big apart)

Jill: Wow! The fan girls are so ravenous today!

Jack: That's perfect for the next dare!

Blaze: (gets out of icy pool) Now I sympathize with Leonardo Decaprio on Titanic!

Blaze and Amy: (switch to opposing sides) Now attack!

Fan girls on each side: (glance upon their new commander)(mutiny)

Amy: NOOOOOO! (dragged off by Sonaze fan girls)

Blaze: NOOOOOO! (dragged off by SonAmy fan girls)

(both are executed through the fan girls' "fair trials")

Jill: Holy (bleep)! I was not expecting the war to end like that!

Jack: (signs peace treaty with the fan girls) Sweet! I'm now the winner of the war! Though the enemy commanders were already executed…(runs off pouting)

Tails: (revives Charmy) Hehehe…Charmy, I found a bee family in my lab that wants to adopt you!

Charmy: Really? Sweet! (goes to lab) Hi there friends! I'm Charmy, your new family member and I- AUGH! MAKE THEM STOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPP!

Jack: (revives Charmy) You totally deserved that!

Charmy: (looks at bug spray can with fear) (worships Tails) You are a god….you are a god…I'm not worthy…

Tails: MWAHAHA! Now go, my servant, and fetch me some booze!

Charmy: Yes master…(walks off stage)

Rouge: I like jewels! They're all supposed to be mine!

Jill: Well, now nothing is yours anymore! (orders G.U.N. to confiscate everything in Rouge's house, including Rouge's mountain of jewels from last chapter)

Rouge: NOOOOOOOOO! Could this be any worse?

Jack: (grins) Yes it can…Super Dragon specifically said clothes as well!

Guys: (drooling)

Rouge: (backs away) No way! I'm not going naked in front of all of you guys! (trips backwards, falls into fan boy pit)

Fan boys: YEEEESSSS! (tear all of her clothes off, then do unimaginable things to her)

Rouge: DAMN YOUUUUUUU!

Eggman: What? Until the next dare? But this is nearly the end of the chapter!

Jack: That's right. You'll have to spend all of the time between this and the next chapter running! Now go, fatty, go!

Eggman: Crap! (starts running with Tails' taser behind him) Yowch! Ow! I'm speeding up, can't you see? Yow!

Knuckles: (flies over fan girl pit) Hmmmm…that's weird…I don't see it from up here…(bleep)! I'm going down! Houston, we have a problem! NOOOOO! (sinks into fan girl sea)

Jack: (laughing) This chapter was fun, especially since Rouge is now naked!

Jill: It serves that bitch right for trying to take Knuckie!

ow I have a lot of homework to do again…


	14. Silver deals with a lot of stuff

Silver deals with a lot of stuff

Wow! I've done a lot recently! I'm amazed at how far I've gotten! (looks up at skyscraper of reviews left to do)(gulps)

Jack: (bleep)! I've got a cold!

Jill: That's okay…you can still answer reviews!

Jack: ACHOOO! (grins) Alright…

 _Love the story! Now! To the dares!_  
 _Eggman, SING YOU FAT MAN! SING! KARAOKE TIME!_  
 _Knuckles, tell Jill that you love her._  
 _Tails, be thrown to the fan-girls anytime you say 'yes, no, and, & me' for the rest of this chappie._  
 _MWAHAHA! Have fun._  
 _-Caos Gal55592_

Eggman: (finally stops running from last chapter)(panting) But what do I sing?

Jill: Sing the Barney Song with Shadow, since we forgot to have him do that last chapter!

Eggman and Shadow: Barney is a dinosaur, he…(I've forgotten all of the lyrics to it, but I think you can imagine it!)

-A few minutes later-

Jill: Shadow's an okay singer, but Eggman sucks!

Jack: Yeah! (shoots Eggman) That's for your bad singing voice!

Knuckles: Ohhhhhh no….(slowly walks up to Jill with a look of fear upon his face) Um…Jill…

Jill: YES, Knuckie?!

Knuckles: I…I…love you! (tries running away)

Jill: (grabs Knuckles) OMG! YES! HE'S MINE NOW! (drags him to the closet)

Knuckles: HELP! I'm at a very high risk of fan girl violation! (is taken inside)

Tails: (sighs) I can't even say that stuff now? What happened to my liberty and-(realizes mistake too late)(bleep)!(is thrown to fan girls)

Fan girls: (smother Tails in their fan girl hugs of DOOM)

Tails: MMPH! I'm…suffocating…help…

Jack: Let's do the cruelest thing possible and ignore him to do the next review…

 _Alright, last time, I only tortured a few characters. It's time to get the rest of the victims, along with the two new ones!_  
 _Shadow: You're forced to make out with others too much. So instead, I want you to begin every sentence you say with "I'm emo!" for the rest of this chapter. You must say it loud enough for everyone to hear you._  
 _Sonic: Let Eggman tie heavy weights to your legs in order to slow you down to a crawl. Then, I want Eggman to chase you while he's riding a steamroller. (Eggman has suffered more than most, so I'm giving him a break just this once)_  
 _Espio: Do something so terrible to Vector, that he'll have no choice but to fire you from The Chaotix._  
 _Vector: You must go meet with the Irish man (The voice that Jack heard on your headphones back in chapter 8) and ask him if he's an alcoholic._  
 _Tikal: You, Rouge, and Jill must fight to the death over who will get Knuckles!, but Jill is not allowed to use her powers, and no one is allowed to help any of them._  
 _Mephiles: I want you tied to a chair and forced to watch every episode of "Blue's Clues", you sissy._  
 _Omega: I want you to completely submerge yourself in water._  
 _Gamma: I want you to rebuild Beta and program the robot to kill Amy._  
 _Cream: I want you to scream as loud and as high-pitched as you possibly can._  
 _Silver: Since you're so fast now, I want to see you try to outrun a mob of fangirls who love you!_  
 _Tails: You were always there to help Sonic, but he always took all the credit. So, I want you to shoot him in his legs, so that he can't run. After that, shoot him in his balls because you know he deserves it._  
 _Metal Sonic: You're stupid, and you are by far my least favorite character. I want you to tell everyone why you're such a pitiful excuse for a character. If you can't think of many reasons, I'm sure some of the other characters would be happy to enlighten you. When you finally realize why you suck, I want you to go kill yourself._  
 _Cosmo: Tails loves you. I want you and him to go back to his house for a "fun night". (sleep with him!)_  
 _Finally, I would like to make mention of a character who has worked tirelessly to help this show run, but has recieved nothing in return. The Janitor! I want the Janitor to do whatever he pleases with all of the characters except for Tails and Cosmo for the next hour. That should cause alot of suffering._  
 _That's all for now! As always, I'll be back later to cause more havoc and suffering until you all remember my name! (Evil laughter)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Shadow: (with melancholy) I'm emo. You happy?

Jack: Damn right we are!

Eggman: (hops into steamroller) I'm all ready to go! Bwahahahaha!

Sonic: (tries to run but can't with weights on)(puts out hand toward Eggman) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (If you want to imagine this, just look at that scene from the first Austin Powers where a guy gets run over. This is exactly like that!)

Eggman: (runs over Sonic) Once again, revenge is mine!

Jack: (dramatic pose) WHY? WHY IS EGGMAN HAVING A DECENT DAY?!

Espio: (saws off Vector's tail) This is so going on eBay!

Vector: OWCH! WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?

Espio: Because I'm too sexy to deal with you! (does a pose that makes the fan girls scream)

Vector: That's it! YOU'RE FIRED! (dun dun dun)

Espio: Well, this job bored me anyways! You guys are completely incompetent!

Charmy: What? (gives the finger to Espio)

Vector: I'm out of here! I've got a mission to do! (goes to meet the Irish voice)

Jill: Hey! He left his headphones here! Let's listen in on what's going on!

Vector's voice: So, you've got a drinking problem, huh?

Irish voice: (in a pissed tone) Says who?

(the sound of a suitcase opening)

Vector: This! We know you've been dealing with others, and killed one recently!

Irish voice: (gasps) So you know…and you'll die with that knowledge! (a shootout immediately begins) Got ya!

Vector: (laughs) I'm sorry to say that you're mistaken…because I've recently become a vampire!

Irish voice: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! (stops with the sound of guts being torn out)

Rouge: (crawls back onto stage) Hehehe…to think that it was my doing!

Guys: (drooling)

Rouge: (glares) Yes, I'm naked! Stop looking!

Jack: Honestly, that's like telling us not to breathe…

Jill: (comes out of closet with Knuckles)

Knuckles: (looks at a fuming Rouge) Ohhhhhhhh snap…(then realizes she's naked and starts drooling)

Rouge: That's IT! You, me and Tikal are finishing this once and for all!

Jill: Bring it! (starts up a fight with Rouge)

Tikal: Um…I'm not that much into fighting…

Shadow: I'm emo! (pushes her into the fight cloud of Rouge and Jill) Haha! Too bad!

Tikal: YAH! THAT HURT! THAT'S IT, YOU TWO ARE GOING DOWN! (fight cloud grows bigger)

Jack: While this ultimate, epic battle is going on, we'll move to a dark creature watching "Blue's Clues". That's bound to be more important! (ties Mephiles to a chair, makes him watch the show)

Mephiles: So…dullllll….(stars drooling) Tooooooo…..stupid….(collapses from over-stupidity)

Mephiles: Over-stupidity? Is that even a word, much less a condition? (millions suffer from it every year!)

Mephiles: Where did you get those facts? (from the bureau of "Shut your face"!)

Mephiles: (sighs)

Omega: Okay. (jumps into swimming pool)(immediately fries the whole pool, self)

Eggman: I'm definitely not going in there anytime soon!

Gamma: (rebuilds Beta) Set to "kill annoyances".

Beta: (shoots Amy, then moves on to Charmy, Eggman, and eventually to an already run over Sonic)

All four: (screaming as they're mowed down by gunshots)

Jack: Good Beta! (shuts him down) Couldn't have any risks…(regrettably brings the four back to life)

Cream: (sucks in air) YAHHHHHHHHHHH! (creates an earthquake with her scream)

Tails: (escapes fan girls) Wow. That was loud!

Cream: (blushes) Hehe…

Silver: (notices a giant dust cloud coming towards him) What's that?…AH! FAN GIRLS! (runs off stage with fan girls hot in pursuit)

-Soon-

Silver: (panting) Can't…go on…(turns to face fan girls, stretches out arms)(sad, dramatic music plays in background) COME AND TAKE ME, YOU DEMONS OF HELL! (is run over in fan girl stampede)

Amy: (cries) That was such a sad scene!

Tails: (pulls out shotgun) Sonic, you've been stealing the credit from m-(glances at fan girls) I for too long!

Sonic: (notices gun) OH (bleep)! (tries running, but is shot in one of his legs)

Tails: Now suffer my wrath! (shoots Sonic in other leg, than in the balls)

Sonic: GAH! If everyone keeps on shooting me there, soon I won't be able to have kids!

Jack: That would be great! Less of your idiotic genes polluting the gene pool!

Metal Sonic: I suck because…cannot compute.

Sonic: Your controls are a rip-off of mine!

Shadow: You're the easiest final boss ever!

Eggman: Only Knuckles was stupid enough to mistake you for Sonic!

Knuckles: Hey! But yeah, you kinda pissed me off!

Metal Sonic: I suck…must terminate. (jumps into pool, electrocuting entire pool and self)

Cosmo: (gives a dirty look) Hey Tails, want a night of fun?

Tails: Sweet! (grabs Cosmo, takes her to his home)

Jack: Well, the Janitor will get his awesome dare as soon as this fight ends-(is hit by a flying Tikal) OW!

Tikal: Uuuuuhhhhhhnnnnn….I need help…

Knuckles: Hey, how about I mess with both Jill and Rouge by sleeping with you? I like seeing this fight going on!

Tikal: I guess…(is picked up by Knuckles, taken into closet)

Jack: (yells at fight cloud) Hey! Tikal won!

Jill: (fight stops)WHAT!?

Rouge: That may be for now…but I will get him!

Jack: Oh, and I noticed another thing! Since Tails and Cosmo left, there's been some shouting going on in the fan girl crowd! Let's listen in…

Fan girls: (killing each other with any weapon they can find)

Jill: Another fan girl war? Who is fighting who now?

Jack: Well, from the burning effigies I see out in the crowd, it looks like the TailsCream and TailsCosmo fan girls are fighting!

Janitor: (grumbles)(grabs a (bleep)load of weapons, starts shooting everything that moves) Hehehe…now those idiots will pay!

-One hour later-

Sonic: (with repaired legs) It-it's OVER?! YES! WE CAN LIVE AGAIN!

Jack: I don't think the Janitor's revenge is done yet…to the next review…

 _I dare Shadow to be in a cage match with everyone fighting against (except Tails). But the catch is that Shadow is allowed to use any weapon. Nah, just kidding, he is only allowed to use only any kind of samurai sword. Lets see if he can use one , and do it wearing a dress._  
 _After riviving everyone, have Tails a death match with anybody he wants. But, make it in five minutes._  
 _Have Sonic and Silver face each other in Halo 3 and the winner gets to go in with any girl(s) he wants. And the loser must do it with the winners chose(any gender or species is available)._  
 _Knuckles, I dare you to play Brain Academy and don't stop until you get all event at jet speed._  
 _Eggman, Idare you to play at a football field and don't return until you win the championship (don't tell him that the cheerleaders are actually fangirls.)_  
 _Amy, I don't like you, I dare you to cut your hair, break your hammer and to wear only a potato sack for the fic._  
 _But, I will be back to make even more dares and next one won't be so simple._  
 _-Foxmaster91_

Shadow: (puts on dress, holds up samurai sword) I'm emo! Let's do this!

(cage lowers, then a giant brawl breaks out)

Shadow: (is quickly overpowered, only managing to kill Charmy before his defeat) AHHHHHH! TOO MANY!

Knuckles: (walks out of closet with Tikal) Ha! Shadow's dress was flapping up again during the fight!

Everyone: (laughs)

Shadow: (gets emo angry)

Tails: (comes back on stage with Cosmo) I choose…Eggman! (shoots Eggman immediately)

Eggman: AUGH! No…fair…(dies)

Jack: (grins) That was awesome!

Silver: (comes back on stage with bruises) Let's do this!

Sonic and Silver: (play Halo 3)

Silver: Ha! I won!

Sonic: That's not fair! He got to play this before in chapter 12!

Jill: Nothing's fair on this show!

Silver: I'll sleep with Blaze again! And Sonic will sleep with…Charmy! (goes into closet with Blaze) See ya, suckers!

-After their "adventure"-

Sonic and Charmy: (are dragged in by yaoi fan girls)

Sonic: (crosses arms, rolls eyes) Not again…(door closes behind him)

Knuckles: (starts playing)(collapses almost immediately)

Jill: Poor Knuckie...what torture!

Eggman: (brought back to life) I'm ready for some FOOTBALL! (runs to a nearby field)

Fan girls: Let's go! Let's go! Goooooo Eggman! (screaming)

Eggman: Hmmmmm…those screams sound awfully familiar…I wonder why…(wins game using his robots, which just happened to be seated next to the scoreboard) Yes! I'm the best! (is suddenly run over in fan girl group hug for him) AHHHHHH!

Amy: I'm too hot to suffer those fates!

Jack: But you're stupid enough to deserve them! (hypnotizes Amy into doing all of that)

Amy: AUGH! I'm no longer fashionable! Though this potato sack kind of looks like my dress…so no suffering there!

Jack: Damn it, she's right! (grumbles) Let's just head to the next review…

 _I Dare Cosmo get back at Tails since he did it with cream by making out with him with a Strap on (Sorry Tails but Comso told me that you need some tought love)_  
 _I Dare Cream Get back at Charmy also get a surger rush too and Vollated Charmy with a strap on in the closeted_  
 _Knuckals I want you to make out with Eggman while you wereing a dress_  
 _Tails to make you Feel better you can Volated my Fan Girl Sarah Armington she is a Black Fox (Cosmo and Cream don't get mad at Tails I Deserved this)_  
 _Sonic I dare you to make out with Bugs Bunnie also do it in a Dress same go for Bugs Bunnie too (LT charture since you bring the Mario chartures Jack)_  
 _Shadow I dare you Battle Agents Hurricane Ike in Houston, Texas_  
 _Eggman I dare you to Face the Big Show in a Hell in the Cell Match_  
 _Blaze I dare you to make out with Mephiles and make Sliver and Sonic Cry_  
 _Sliver I Dare you get tips how to become the Undertaker form the WWE Undertaker and help him to put the Smackdown GM Vicky Gurrerio in a Coffin_  
 _Amy I Dare you give the Kiss of Death to Big The Cat_  
 _Metal Sonic I Dare you to make out with Espio and make Espio Pregent with your Metal Boy HAHAAHHAH_  
 _Tikal I Dare you to make out with Chaos since you two like eatch other_  
 _(Jack I think you should put Fan Boys in there too so it can even out)_  
 _-Charles Roberts_

Cosmo: Teehee! I already did when I went to his house…

Tails: (rubbing lower back) That really hurt, you know! It's almost as bad as when Amy used one on us last chapter!

Cosmo: Then DON'T CHEAT ON ME!

Tails: (grumbles) You make it sound so easy…

Cream: (goes into closet while wearing strap-on) Time for some punishment, bee boy! (kicks out yaoi fan girls and a shuddering Sonic)

Knuckles: (puts on Shadow's dress with a red face) Man, this sucks…

Shadow: (laughing his ass off) Vengeance is mine! Oh, I'm emo!

Knuckles: (rescues Eggman from fan girls, then kisses him)(both then vomit)

Rouge: (starts cleaning up mess) I really hate this job…

Tails: Wow! This black fox fan girl is hot!

Sarah: OMG! IT'S TAILS! I WANT TO MARRY YOU AND HAVE BABIES WITH YOU AND LET YOU HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME!

Tails: How about just the third one? (goes into closet with Sarah, kicks out Cream and Charmy)

Charmy: I feel…dirty…

Sonic and Bugs: (put on dresses, make out at a very high speed)

Bugs: Nyeaaahhhh….you suck at kissing! (walks off)

Sonic: At least a chick didn't say that…

Shadow: I'm emo! What do you mean by "Agents"? Is it like those in the Matrix?

Jack: Let's do that! (teleports Shadow into middle of hurricane to battle Agent Smith clones)

Shadow: (does some awesome kicks and punches against agents, but still gets turned into a Smith clone in the end) Now to find Mr. Anderson-AH! (is crushed by a flying palm tree)

Jill: Wow…Shadow sucks as an Agent Smith clone!

Silver and Eggman: (head to WWE arena for a double Hell in the Cell match)

Silver: How do I become the Undertaker? (goes under fierce training with Rocky Song playing in background) Let's rumble! (still get their asses kicked in match)

Eggman: That Big Show guy was waaaay out of my league of fighting!

Silver: But I've got one trick left! Chaos Control!(uses a Chaos Emerald, pushes Vicky into coffin) Now we should run! (get chased down by some wrestlers)

Blaze: (makes out with Mephiles) How do you like THAT, boys?

Sonic: (starts tearing up)

Silver: (already crying from being beaten to a pulp by wrestlers)

Mephiles: Mehehe…I'm good at getting others to cry!

Jack: I think the reviewer's talking about the Mortal Kombat Kiss of Death! That's what I'm assuming it is anyways…

Amy: (blows kiss at Big, forming an energy ball that slices him in half)

Big: Uhhhhhh….why did that kiss make me feel funny?

Everyone: (falls down anime-style)

Jill: (blows whistle)(summons yaoi fan girls to grab Metal Sonic and Espio)

Espio: (is dragged into closet with Metal Sonic) No! NOOOOOOOO! OUCH, YOU (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)!

Jack: Hm…so now we get to make Juno with rocket shoes! Fun! (teleports them to set) Have fun suffering in the world of mpreg! (leaves them)

Tikal: (kisses Chaos) Ugh…he tastes bland!

Everyone: (laughing)

Chaos: (walks off depressed)

Jack: I already added them on! Which means more suffering for the ladies…next review time, with an anonymous one…

I dare Sonic and Metal Sonic to kiss! I also want Cosmo to fight Cream in a Steel Cage Match with Tails as the ref! And i dare Sonic to kill Tails and Amy.

-Sponge

Sonic: (kisses Metal Sonic) Ew! He tastes all…metally and stuff…

Jill: Metally isn't even a word, you nitwit! (slaps Sonic)

Jack: (puts Cream and Cosmo into the steel cage, closes door)(has Tails go out of closet)

Tails: (uses a hose to pour water into cage) Let's make this a mud fight!

Knuckles: I like where you're going with this…

Cosmo: (grows bigger from water, beats the crap out of Cream) Ha! That was the way I like it…one-sided!

Sonic: Time to avenge myself!

Jill: Don't you mean have revenge?

Sonic: (glares)(shoots Tails with the same shotgun Tails used, kills him)

Fan girls: (start burning effigies of Sonic alongside Cream/Cosmo)

Sonic: (shoots Amy)

Fan girls: (start cheering for Sonic again)

Jack: Fan girls are so bipolar…which makes them more dangerous than we thought!

I'll be gone for the weekend, so the next update could take a while…


	15. Cosmo gets arrested! Oo

Cosmo gets arrested! Oo

That last chapter was a long one! (fingers shrivel up from typing) Well, at least we now have over 3000 hits!

Rouge: I want my clothes back!

Jack: No can do! Our hits have spiked since you've been naked! Why would I give that up?

Rouge: Please!

Jack: No!

Rouge: Please!

(they continue saying "Please! No!" until…)

Jack: FINE! (hands her clothes)

Rouge: (puts them on)

Fan boys: (booing)

Jill: You know what? Go to college and get laid! But they're not listening, so we'll just head to the next review…

 _"amy-wrap your head in duct tape_  
 _blaze wrap your head in duct tape_  
 _both fight each other_  
 _-Alterer"_  
 _That gave me an idea._  
 _Wrap everyone's head in duct tape and have them peel it off as slowly and as painfully as possible while in being thrown into the crowd of fangirls._  
 _"Have Sonic and Silver face each other in Halo 3 and the winner gets to go in with any girl(s) he wants. And the loser must do it with the winners chose(any gender or species is available)._  
 _Foxmaster91"_  
 _Picks him/her up by the shoulder GIVE THIS YOUNG FELLOW A RAISE!_

Jack: AUTHOR POWERS!(wraps everyone's heads in duct tape) Now peel it off!

Everyone: OWWWWW!(as they peel it off, Jill uses a snowplow to send them all into the fan girl pit) (bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)!

Fan girls: (screaming)(receive their bounty of "gifts")

Everyone: (climbs out of pit)(applaud Foxmaster with two exceptions...)

Sonic and Charmy: (shift away from each other, grunt)

Jill: That was fun! And this review looks like fun also…

 _MUAHAHAHAHAHA IM BACK_  
 _Tails:You will be spending a night in the haunted mansion of 50 berkeley square_  
 _Blaze and Amy: you 2 will have to blindfold yourselves and gag yourselves and leave it on for 4 chappys then eat a Chironex Fleckeri_  
 _Tikal: get your head stuck in quicksand_  
 _Cosmo: same as blaze and amy as well as tails_  
 _Charmy: Hop in an AT-ST on Sugar buzz!_  
 _Rouge: chuck knux into the fan girls_  
 _Knux: smash the master emerald_  
 _espio: pretend to like the fangirls_  
 _-Alterer_

Blaze, Amy, and Cosmo: FOUR CHAPTERS?! That sucks!(put on the blindfolds and gags)

Tails: Haunted houses? Cool! (goes with Cosmo to London)

Jack: We shall see what happens that night after these dares!

Tikal: But there's no quicksand around here!

Jill: (creates a quicksand pool, pushes Tikal in it) There is now!

Tikal: Ah! I can't get my head out! Help! (sinks in and drowns)

Jack: (brings in an AT-ST from Star Wars) Hop in! (injects Charmy with Pixie Stix)

Charmy: WHOOOOOOO HOOOO! (drives it into fan girl crowd and starts a shooting spree)

Fan girls: (team up and trip the AT-ST)

Charmy: WHOOOOOAAAA (bleep)! (collapses on ground, is taken by angry fan girls)

Jack: That was definitely a mistake to shoot at fan girls!

Rouge: (goes to Knuckles) Hey, want to do it?

Knuckles: Hell yes! (grabs Rouge)

Rouge: (kicks him in the balls) I got you! (throws him to fan girls)

Fan girls: (immediately take Knuckles)

Knuckles: FOR THE MASTER EMERALLLLDDDD! (breaks free and flies back on stage)

Jack: And now you have to break it!

Knuckles: (jaw drops) So…that escape from the fan girls was for NOTHING?

Jill: (holds up Master Emerald) Here you go…

Knuckles: (tears up as he punches and breaks it) What do I do now?

Jack: Find a chick, obviously! You still haven't decided!

Knuckles: (glares) I have to think some more…

Jack: You? Thinking?

Espio: Hey, fan girls! Who wants a piece of this guy?

Fan girls: (yelling at supersonic(no pun intended) levels)

Espio: (clutching ears) That sucked!

Jill: (kicks Espio into fan girl crowd) What? They obviously wanted him!

Jack: And now we see what happens to Tails and Cosmo…

-That night-

Cosmo: OMG! This place feels so cold…

Tails: I'm sure we'll be fine and…AUGH! (is frightened to death looking at a ghost)

Cosmo: Tails? Man, I wish this blindfold was off. That scream reminded me of when…

-That morning-

Cosmo:…and that was my day at the mall! How weird…you haven't talked all night…

(door busts open, cops come in and notice Tails and Cosmo)

Police: Whoa! He's dead! She must have killed him! Arrest her!

Cosmo: What are you talking about? (is put in handcuffs, taken away) AUGH!

-Back on stage-

Jack: Wow, Cosmo is an idiot! Now to all of our remaining reviews this chapter, all of which are anonymous…

 _I dare Tails to develop an irresistable attraction to women's clothing._  
 _-Noone_

Jack: (revives Tails, looks at upcoming reviews) Wow, you've got a lot of dares ahead for you in this chapter!

Tails: Women's clothing? Again? Well, I guess it does make me look more adorable…so get me some women's clothes!

Jill: I know exactly what to get you! And this fits right in with our next review too…

 _I dare Tails to dress as a ballerina and kiss Knuckles._  
 _-Nothing_

Jill: (gives Tails a ballerina outfit) Here you go!

Tails: (puts on outfit) I feel soooo pretty…

Knuckles: (points to Tails) I have to kiss that thing?

Jack: Apparently. You know we'll just hypnotize you if you don't!

Knuckles: (smooches Tails, then runs off ashamed)

Tails: Wow…Knuckles has some serious problems…

Jill: (glares) Shut up! Let's move on…

 _I dare tails and cream to rob 50 banks with tommy guns wile every one else is in a cage match vs. all of the wwe superstars until tails and cream get back. when they do they have to get in the "broom closet" 5 times over the next 3 chapters and cream has to get pregnet once._  
 _-fat guy_

Tails: (gets rid of ballerina outfit, puts on a 20's gangster suit, starts smoking a huge cigar) Let's hit some places, baby! (grabs Cream, drives away in a Model T with her while they pull out some Tommy guns)

-At the bank-

Tails: (holds up a big bag while cigar is still in mouth) Arright, gimme your money! (takes bank money) Hehehehehe…(continues a crime spree with Cream)

Jack: (teleports everyone into a WWE cage match) Rumble time!

Everyone: (is horribly pwned by wrestlers)

-Later-

Jill: Damn it! Tails and Cream are back! Just when the others were really starting to suffer…

Cream: All of that gun violence turned me on! Let's do it! (goes into closet with Tails)

Jack: Let's head forward to another dare…

 _DARE ROUGE TO GROW A AND HAVE TAILS SUCK HER OFF_  
 _-ANONYMOUS_

Rouge: I can't just grow one! I'm a lady!

Jack: You can now! AUTHOR POWERS! (bulge appears in Rouge's pants)

Rouge: AH! WHY HAVE I BEEN SUFFERING SO MUCH?!

Jill: Because you're a backstabbing bitch! (glares at Rouge)

Tails: (heads out of closet) Ugh…I never thought I would have to do that to someone!

Jack: On the bright side…you get to see her naked again!

Tails:…True! (goes into closet with Rouge)

Jill: What exactly would you call that? Touge? Rails?

Jack: I would call that the most messed up dare we've done yet!

Next month, I may be updating more often! This is because I might get my own laptop! I still don't know for sure yet, but I hope so…


	16. Cream has a surprise for Tails

Cream has a surprise for Tails

Just to clear something up…I still have tons of reviews left to do! If you review at this current time, it may take a couple of weeks to get to it. This is because I have an insane schedule and can't update very often, plus there's the millions of reviews from a couple of weeks before! I have to get to those before I can do more the recent ones!

Tails: (walks out of closet vomiting) I can't believe I had to do that!

Rouge: And now I have to clean it up! (pulls out mop)

Jill: This is the last chapter you have to, though!…

 _time for another suffing review_  
 _have every single girl in this story fight with a wepon of their choice_  
 _Same thing with the Guys_  
 _-XxSpiritWolfxX_

Jill: Let's see what each character shall hold!

Jack: It looks like mostly guns, with the exception of Amy's hammer!

Amy: What about it? My hammer is just as good of a weapon as any of your guns! (is shot to death by everyone)

Jill: Apparently not.

Everyone: (starts an enormous shootout)

Jack: Cool! It sounds like an actual battle!

Jill: That's because it is! Onward!…

 _Mwhahahahahhahahahahaha! So funny! 10/10!_  
 _Cream and Cosmo: I dare you two to have an epic battle to the death, and the winner gets to have Tails for the rest of their lives._  
 _Soinc and Amy: I dare you two to spend five hours in a small room, and can't leave till Soinc 'Pleases' Amy._  
 _Chaos: How dare you hurt Tikal! I dare you to take the worst beating of your life as punishment for that._  
 _Tails: I dare tails to be throw at the fanGUYS this time._  
 _Tikal: I dare you to go out on a date with Knuckles._  
 _Knuckles: See above but replace your name with Tikal's._  
 _-Toko the Pikmin master_

Cream and Cosmo: (face each other from across the battlefield, while the warring fan girls watch) YAAAHHHHHHHHH! (re-enact the subway station fight from the Matrix)

-Later-

Cosmo: (strangling Cream) I got you!

Cream: Aack…damn…you…(dies)

Cosmo: Yes! Tails has become MINE!

Jack: (revives Cream) Could this be the end of the war already?

Cream: No! You see, there's a loophole! The review specifically says "for the rest of their lives", and with all of the times we've been killed so far on this show, it will not be very long before Tails and Cosmo die at some point! Like right now! (shoots Cosmo)

TailsCream fan girls: (charge at TailsCosmo fan girls with renewed vigor)

Jack: (revives Cosmo) And the war drags on…

Amy: Woo hoo! I just wish I could see Sonic right now! (is brought into a small bedroom with Sonic)

Sonic: Oh crap! This is the bedroom where she raped me during that party in chapter 11!

Jill: Correct. Now you get to remember that experience again! (shuts door)

-Two hours later-

Amy: Sonic? Where are you?

Sonic: (backing away from Amy) I'm not having sex with you! Not in this room! (trips on a random book lying on the ground, is knocked unconscious)

Amy: (feels where Sonic is) Yes! Time for some loving…

-Back on stage-

Jack: I know how to make Chaos suffer! (uses a mop to break apart Chaos, then scoops it up in a bottle, has Eggman drink it, and then has Eggman go to the bathroom, sending Chaos to the sewers)

Eggman: Ugh…that did not feel good coming out of my bladder!

Jill: That's why we had you do it! (grabs Tails, throws him to fan boys) Sayonara, fox boy!

Tails: NYAH! W-what are you all going to do to me?

Fan boys: Nerd alert! (beat Tails to a pulp) That's for stealing our girlfriends' hearts!

Tails: (crawls back on stage) I need some…medical help…

Cream: (grins) Don't worry! I'm here to help! (performs surgery on him, "accidentally" kills him) Now you can be mine again!

Jack: (revives Tails) You do realize that you have to do her four more times in the next 2 chapters, right?

Tails: (bleep)! I forgot!

Cream: (grins) Well then, the doctor will see you now…(drags Tails into the closet)

Knuckles: Um…okay…

Tikal: I know just where to go! (takes him to the Chao)

Knuckles: Uggghhhhh…sooooo boring…

Tikal: (not listening) This is the best date ever!

Jack: Let's just go back to the stage and do more reviews…

 _1: get Sonic and Rouge to make out and both them to like it, with Knuckles watching._  
 _2: (after first dare) Sonic, steal Shadow's guns. ALL OF THEM._  
 _3\. Throw Cosmo to the TailsxCream fangirls._  
 _-Pokelad_

(Tikal and Knuckles return from their date)

Tikal: Thank you, Toko! It was wonderful!

Knuckles: (dead from boredom)

Rouge: That serves him right for going out with her but not me! Now to get some vengeance on him…(sees Sonic returning with a delighted Amy) Perfect timing!

Jack: (revives Knuckles) There's something you might want to see…

Rouge: (kisses Sonic)

Amy and Knuckles: (both outraged)

Knuckles: Why can't you kiss me for once? (walks off muttering)

Amy: Another whore is after my Sonic?!

Blaze: (glares at Amy)

Jill: Yeah. Didn't you see them go into the closet in chapter 9?

Amy: I was okay then because all of my anger was focused on Blaze! But now I'm going after the other slut! (tackles Rouge) DIE! (a fight breaks out)

Sonic: (backs away slowly, reads dare) Sweet! (points a gun at Shadow's head) Now give me all of your weapons, emo boy!

Shadow: (drops a (bleep)load of weapons)(opens up his fur pockets to reveal even more weapons which start dropping)

-Soon-

Shadow: (still pouring out weapons onto a mountain of them)

Sonic: Dude…you've got some real issues if you've got that many weapons on you! You're a school shooting waiting to happen!

Shadow: Shut it. I'm not that emo.

Everyone: YES YOU ARE!

Shadow: I'LL KILL YOU ALL FOR SAYING THAT! Oops…

Tails: (skips happily out of closet, unaware of the dark world about to befall him)

Sonic: (trips Tails, throws him to fan girls) This is a good time for me!

Fan girls: (both sides of the war start an immense, chaotic scramble for him)

Tails: Not again! MMPH!(is smothered to death by the TailsCream fan girls)

Jack: What a bad way to go, man…so we shall now move past that…

 _This should be awesome, make Shadow switch bodies with Knuckles and don't tell anyone else so they think that Shadow is Knuckles and Knuckles is Shadow._  
 _-Spark The Hedgehog123_

Jack: Booyah! AUTHOR POWERS! (switches them)

Tikal: Knuckles, let's go on another date!

Knuckles: Mmmmm…no. (shuns away from her)

Tikal: You're so emo! Fine, then no more sex for you! (walks off)

Shadow: NOOOOOOO! (punches Knuckles) Damn you!

Knuckles: You realize that you're only hurting yourself, right?

Shadow: Quiet! Now how can I get some action?

Rouge: (walks up to Shadow) You never were one who cared about doing it too much! Why the sudden concern now? Wait a second…what's your age number?

Shadow: Can't…count…AUGH! (collapses, rolls around)

Rouge: (laughs) An idiot and an emo switching! That's great!

Jack: It is! But now the fun has to end! (switches them back) Now to an anonymous one…

 _ok, i like this to happen:_  
 _Sonic & Shadow: face WWE Wrestlers Matt and Jeff Hardy _  
_Amy gets Chokeslammed: by WWE Kane_  
 _Knuckles face both Undertaker and Kane when Kane is done_  
 _Have Tails play the crappist video game ever_  
 _Have Cream turned back to 6. And let her meet Stone Cold Steve Austin!_  
 _Thanks -Tylerboy593_

Sonic, Shadow, Amy, and Knuckles: (go to WWE ring)

Announcer: And now we have the Hardys against…two hedgehogs…Oh! Then we have Kane against…another hedgehog…then the Undertaker fights an echidna…(sighs) This job can drive me crazy sometimes…

Sonic: Let's do this!

Shadow: (sighs) Let's hope we die quickly…

Sonic: Why so pessimistic-AUGH! (is pounded by the two Hardys) Help me, Shadow!

Shadow: No (bleep)ing way! (runs off)

-Next match-

Amy: What do I do?

Kane: This! (grabs her by the neck, slams her onto the mat)

Amy: Oooooooowwwwww! That really hurt, mister!

Kane: (rolls eyes)(beats the crap out of Amy)

-Next match-

Knuckles: Oh yeah! I totally fit into this!

Jack: That you might be right on…you're about as intelligent as them…

Knuckles: Correct-HEY! (glares)(is suddenly tackled by Undertaker)

Kane: (goes into ring, holds up Knuckles from behind while Undertaker punches Knuckles' torso)

Knuckles: AHHHHHHHHH!

Jill: Well, I think we can say that the Sonic characters suck at wrestling! Let's head back to the stage!

Jack: Which game is the crappiest ever?

Jill: I've been checking online…and apparently there was an E.T. game in 1982!

Jack: Really? Sounds terrible…so let's give him it! (grabs game) Try this game out, Tails!

-Later-

Tails: This game….is soooooo boring….and crappy….AUUUUUGHHHHH!

Cream: I know how to end your boredom! (takes him to the closet again)

-A few minutes later-

Tails: That helped!

Jill: And now Cream has to meet someone! (sends Cream to WWE)

Cream: OMG! It's Steve Austin! I'm such a big fan girl of yours! (joins crowd of Steve Austin fan girls)

Steve Austin: (runs)

-Later-

Cream: (walks up to Tails)

Tails: What's going on? You don't look too happy!

Cream: I don't know how to tell you this…but I'm pregnant!

Shocker! And this chapter shall now end with that cliffhanger!


	17. Hooray! Charmy keeps dying!

Hooray! Charmy keeps dying!

Previously…tensions mounted, (shows clip of fan girl war) troubles deepened, (shows clip of Sonic and Rouge kissing) and it all ended with a shocker! (shows clip of Cream revealing her secret) Is Tails screwed for life? Will the fan girls ever quit their bloodlust? Will Sonic ever stop being such a douche? Let's find out…

Tails: What? Crap…now you've been knocked up also!

Jill: (pulls out megaphone) Let's get the Juno set ready!

Cream: No, I'm keeping it!

Tails: (bleep)! You mean you won't go on Juno?

Cream: No way!

Cosmo: YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I WON'T LET YOU TAKE TAILS! (tackles Cream, starts fighting her)

Cream: (kicks Cosmo into TailsCream fan girl crowd)

TailsCream fan girls: (commit one the bloodiest murders Mobius has ever seen)

Jill: We fixed that mistake from last chapter! Yes!

Jack: We'll get you on Juno someday, Cream…mark my words…

Cream: Well, until then…(goes into closet with Tails)

Jill: Let's start on our reviews…

 _Heh heh... Time to see just how evil I can be._  
 _Jack, you're an (bleep)hole, so I'm going to give you some dares as well._  
 _Alright._  
 _First off, have Sonic, Shadow and Knuckles do it in a closet with a live webcam that shows to the audience, then release them to the fangirls._  
 _Give Tails a sniper rifle and kill anyone he wants. Except for Charmy, we all know he's a POS._  
 _Have Sonic and Tails kiss. No one is allowed to laugh . Use your Author Powers to make them enjoy it. I don't want to see them unhappy. Tails will keep his sniper rifle and kill anyone who does. That includes you, Jack._  
 _Shadow, admit that you're emo and to prove it by cutting your wrists and trying to hang yourself._  
 _Charmy, go get Jill a hot dog. And no flying._  
 _Rouge, do it with Tails._  
 _Froggy, eat Charmy._  
 _Charmy, die..._  
 _Then spontaneously combust. Then come back to life and get ripped apart by fangirls._  
 _Have fun with that. Looking forward to the next chapter._  
 _-Sacredfire059_

Jack: Of course I'm an a-hole! This show wouldn't be so funny unless the host was a sadistic a-hole with a furious, unending desire to make the characters suffer!

Knuckles: What? Now I have yaoi fan girls also?

Jill: Apparently. (summons yaoi fan girls) Go get them!

Yaoi fan girls: (grab Sonic, Shadow, and Knuckles)(take them into closet, kicking out Tails and Cream)

Shadow: I never would have gone on this show if I ever had imagined this happening! (closet door shuts behind him)

Jack: Well, that sucks for you!

Tails: (takes rifle) Crap! Charmy was the one I wanted to kill! Well, at least the reviewer admitted that he's a piece of (bleep)! But I still know who I would next kill…(storms into closet)

Sonic: AUGH! (sniper shots are heard)

Tails: (walks out with his gun smoking) Hehehe…

(Shadow and Knuckles go out of closet shuddering as yaoi fan girls leave)

Jack: (revives Sonic) Wow, this is going to make for a popular web video with both sex and violence!

Shadow: WHAT?!

Jill: Didn't you know? We've had a camera in there this whole time!

Rouge: Wait…even for the chapter 12 orgy?

Jack: (grins) Yes! We have blackmail for all of you now!

Eggman: Ha! I wasn't a part of that! That means you don't have blackmail on me!

Jill: That also means that you're the only Sonic character who's still a virgin!

Eggman: (sighs) True.

Jill: (broadcasts webcam to fan girls)

Fan girls: (cheering) WE KNEW IT!

Shadow and Knuckles: (run off crying with shame)

Jack: AUTHOR POWERS! (hypnotizes Sonic and Tails into kissing)

Fan girls: (cheering louder)

Charmy: (straining not to laugh) mmm…BAHAHAHA-(BAM)(is killed)

Eggman: (starts laughing at Charmy's death)(BAM)(is killed)

All of the readers: (laughing)(BAM)(are killed)

Jill: BAD TAILS! (kicking Tails in the balls with each word) DON'T-KILL-THE-REVIEWERS!

Jack: (brings readers back to life) You okay, everyone? I hope so! (glares at Tails)

Tails: (clutching crotch) Owwww…I won't do it again…

Shadow: Fine. (grabs a knife)(slits wrists over fan girls)

Fan girls: (screaming)(start either drinking or putting the blood into vials to sell on eBay)

Shadow: That was simple. (grabs noose and ties it on edge of stage) (hangs self)

Fan girls: NOOOOOO!

Jack: (revives Shadow) Now get Jill a hot dog, Charmy!

Jill: (clips off Charmy's wings with pliers) And no flying either!

Charmy: (clutches back) AHHHH! THE PAIN!

Jill: You won't get your wings back until you get me a hot dog!

Charmy: A-alright! (runs off)

Tails: Yes! This time, I get to do it with her without wanting to vomit! (goes into closet with Rouge, shuts door behind them)

Rouge: OH, FOX BOY! THAT FELT GOOD!

Knuckles: Tails gets to sleep with her before me? This sucks! I'm supposed to be the one she loves!

Jill: She's the biggest slut of the characters. What do you expect?

Charmy: (comes back with hot dog) Here you go!

Jill: Thanks. (suddenly tackles him) Go for it Froggy!

Froggy: (eats Charmy)

Charmy: AHHHH!

Jack: (revives Charmy)

Charmy: You lied to me, Jill! (spontaneously combusts)

Jack: (revives Charmy right in the middle of the fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (pounce on him, screaming for his death)

Charmy: NOOOO! (is ripped to pieces)

Jack: Oooooooverkill…(looks at next review) MUAHAHA!

Sonic: Who is it?

Jack: IT"S SUPER DRAGON!

Everyone: (runs screaming and hiding)

Jill: Let's see what is in store for them this time…

 _Time for more torturing in ways that only I can do!_  
 _Chaos: If you're liquid, how can you maintain a solid form?_  
 _Chaos: You must be stuffed into a jar and remain in it until you recieve a truth or dare._  
 _Amy: Visit a fortune teller to learn about your future love life. (Pay the fortune teller in advance to say that she will "grow up to be a dusty, old maid with no love life at all")_  
 _Blaze: Get into a "Yo mama" fight with Amy. The winner won't get barbecued by Sonic with a flamethrower!_  
 _Froggy: Tell Big what you really think about him. Then, tell him that you and him are no longer friends._  
 _Big: Sit on both Froggy and Charmy._  
 _Tails: Go tell the Janitor that everyone but you is planning to make a huge mess on stage that he will be forced to clean up if he doesn't stop them._  
 _Charmy: Your annoyingness never ceases to amaze me. Therefore, you must annoy all your friends to death. Then, you must act emo at what you did to your friends and shoot yourself._  
 _Rouge: You must tease Shadow and Knuckles. However, I'm not responsible for whatever they may do._  
 _Eggman: I want to see you actually try to control a fangirl. Good luck. You'll need it._  
 _Knuckles: You must play a game against Big that tests your intelligence. The loser will be thrown to the fangirls._  
 _Jack: If at all possible, let me come up and kill Charmy, Metal Sonic, and Eggman personally because I really loathe them. I even have my axe all ready to go. I also need to congratulate Tails on being so awesome by giving him pizza._  
 _I hope almost all of you have suffered a great deal. I'll be back to get the rest of you. (Evil laughter)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Chaos: RAWR!

Jill: Umm…I don't know what it's saying…if it's saying anything…

Jack: You might as well ask…How can Blaze set things on fire? How can Tails fly with just his two tails? How the hell are they all talking? Physics don't seem to exist in this world! AAAUUUUGGHHHH! (shoves Chaos into a jar) That will help!

Jack: (bribes fortune teller) Hey Amy, would you like to see your future?

Amy: Sure! I'm confident I'll be happy with Sonic…and if I'm not, I'll kill whoever is so they won't have him in the future!

Fortune teller: (gives the fake fortune to Amy)

Amy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (grabs fortune teller) WHICH OF THOSE WHORES GOT SONIC, HUH?! WHO?!

Fortune teller: I…I'm not supposed to say…

Amy: (gives fortune teller an angry fan girl look) TELL ME!

Fortune teller: Fine. It's…um…Blaze!

Amy: (points to where she thinks Blaze is) YOU?!

Blaze: (backs away from Amy's voice) Amy, I'm not going to take him, honestly-

Amy: (realizes where Blaze actually is) DIIIIIIIEEEEE! (beats Blaze to death with hammer)

Jack: (revives Blaze) Perfect! With high tensions, now they can do the "Yo mama" contest! (I suck at "yo mama" contests, so I'll just show a few that I found online)

Amy: Yo mama's so fat, she lay on the beach and people ran around yelling Free Willy!

Blaze: Yo mama's so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind!

Amy: Yo mama so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Blaze: Yo mama so old that when she was in school, there was no history class!

-And so on-

Sonic: AMY WINS! (barbecues Blaze)

Blaze: Ha! I'm made of fire, so that doesn't harm me!

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Big, I hate you and no longer want to be friends!)

Big: WHAT?! Uhhhhh….but whyyyyy?

Charmy: (is revived again) You really don't know? You're an idiot!

Big: (gets angry, crushes both Charmy and Froggy)

Tails: (comes out of closet with a very happy Rouge) Hey Janitor! Everyone's making a huge mess on stage!

Janitor: Not those damn kids again! (notices frog and bug guts under Big) AAAAAAHHHH! (beats up Big with his mop, then cleans up mess)

Charmy: (revived yet again) Alright then! HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI! (looks around to notice everyone dead)(sighs) Now there's no one left…(shoots self)

Jack: (revives everyone) Wow, Espio! Now I see why you guys hired him!

Rouge: (laughs) This is going to be fun! (pulls out a radio, turns volume up, and plays the milkshakes song)

Radio: My milkshakes bring the boys to the yard…

Rouge: (dancing in front of Shadow and Knuckles, jiggles her boobs)

Shadow: (drooling) Too…turned on…(faints)

Knuckles: I…I can't take this anymore….YAAAAHHH! (tackles Rouge, starts making out with her)

Jill: No! (glares at Jack) Stop them!

Jack: Sorry, but I want to see what happens!

Eggman: Jill, I think Knuckles would want you to take over the world!

Jill: REALLY?!

Eggman: Yes! Now, go and shoot all of the world leaders! (hands her a machine gun)

Jill: (walks off, but notices a store nearby) OMG! NEW PLUSHIES! (runs inside)

Eggman: What are you doing? Get back here at once!

Jill: No!

Eggman: Yes!

Jill: No!

Eggman: Yes!

Jill: Yes!

Eggman: No- damn it!

Jill: Hooray! I win! (heads back to stage)

Jack: Let's have Big and Knuckles play…chess! (sets up board and pieces)

-A few minutes later-

Jill: Nobody seems to be winning.

Knuckles: (points behind Big) Look! Some fish!

Big: (turns around) Where?

Knuckles: (switches some pieces around) Ha! I win!

Jack: Nice. (grabs Big, throws him to fan girls)

Fan girls: (screaming)

Big: Uhhhh ohhhhhhh….(is taken by fan girls)

Jack: (revives Charmy, who has been killed a number of times now) Sure! Go right ahead!

Super Dragon: (butchers Charmy, Metal Sonic, and Eggman with axe)

Charmy: (dying) It…it's that hooded guy with the scythe again…ugh….he's so annoying after you hear him talk about death for the fiftieth time….(dies)

Death: (gives the finger to Charmy)

Tails: Thanks for the pizza! (eats it up)

Cream: You know what's tastier than pizza? (goes into closet with Tails again)

Jill: Now to get to our smaller reviews…

 _Ohh, ohh, i have some dares :3_  
 _make Sonic dress up like Amy and do a strip tease in front of Shadow, Miphiles, and Espio._  
 _And have Knux and Rouge go into the love closet_  
 _and um... throw Big into the croud of fangirls!_  
 _-Forever'nAlways_

Sonic: Damn it! (puts on dress) Hi boys! (plants a pole in the ground, does a strip dance)

Shadow:…That faker is so weird…

Mephiles: Maybe I should kill him again…

Espio: Those stupid hedgehogs…always cross-dressing!

Knuckles: Are you serious?

Jack: Yes, Knuckles. You get to do what everyone else has already done and sleep with Rouge!

Rouge: (glares at Jack) Let's just go in already, lover boy! (kicks out Tails and Cream, goes into closet with Knuckles)

Jack: We would throw Big in, but we already just did that…and it doesn't look like the fan girls are going to give him back yet…

Fan girls: HE'S SOOOOOOO CUDDLY! (squeeze tighter on him)

Big: Uhhhh…you all hug kind of tight…..

Jack: (sighs) It's called a glomp. Let's just get to our anonymous reviews for this chapter…

 _I dare Cream to spank Amy with a huge paddle._  
 _-Mandarin_

Jack: Sweet! Our first yuri dare! (hypnotizes Cream)

Cream: (grabs a huge paddle, spanks Amy with it)

Amy: OW! That hurt!

Jack: I guess Amy didn't get that it was supposed to be kind of sexy…

Jill: Now for the chapter's last review…

 _I dare Tails to grow a pair of breasts and be (bleep)(bleep) by Knuckles, while Sonic gives a (bleep) to Shadow._  
 _-I_

Jack: AUTHOR POWERS! (Tails suddenly grows boobs)

Tails: Augh! (covers self up)

Knuckles: (heads out of closet with Rouge) Whoa! Even with the boobs, he's still a guy, so I'm not interested!

Jill: Then I guess the yaoi fan girls have to return! (snaps fingers)

Yaoi fan girls: (grabs Tails and Knuckles, take them to closet)

Tails: AUGH! WHAT ARE THESE FAN GIRLS HAVING US DO?!

Sonic: Not cool! I don't want to have to taste him! (points to Shadow)

Jill: You will anyways! (hypnotizes Sonic into blowing Shadow)

Shadow: (closes eyes) Imagine it's a chick…imagine it's a chick…oooooohhhhhh yeeeaaaaahhhhh…..

-Later-

Tails: (with boobs gone) Cream, you should go on Juno!

Cream: For one thing, you suck at running! For another, I don't say really stupid, corny phrases all of the time!

Jack: (raises hand) I'd like to disagree with that!

Cream: (glares) Well, I'm keeping the baby to keep you away from Cosmo! (walks off)

Tails: What do I do now!

Sonic: (still washing out mouth) I hate to say it, but you're (bleep)ed!

Is there still hope for TailsCosmo? Or could the war end before it can get really good?


	18. Characters vs fan girls!

Characters vs. fan girls!

A small chapter this time! The more often I update, the farther away I seem to get from catching up on my reviews! One would normally think it to be the opposite…

Tails: (sighs)

Jack: He won't be suffering that much if he's depressed! I'll have to take care of this! (hypnotizes Cream into going on Juno)

Cream: I want to be…Ellen Page…

Tails: Thanks! (heads to movie set with Cream)

Jill: That was surprisingly kind…now let's bring on the suffering…

 _Time for their revenge..._  
 _Hack so Sonic has infinite rings, and let him fight the fangirls as Hyper Sonic._  
 _Every character with a Super Form can also get revenge in this way, Knuckles will be in his Hyper Form too. the other characters each get a Shadow Rifle with infinite ammo to kill some fangirls, of which there are 20 million._  
 _Shadow also must kill with Chaos Blast for the next 2 chapters, and if any dares make him kill with anything else, he will only use chaos blast to finish them off._  
 _-TARDISreviewer_

Jack: AUTHOR POWERS! (gives Sonic infinite rings and the powered up Chaos Emeralds)

Sonic: (turns into Hyper Sonic) HEYHEYHIHOWAREYOUDOING?

Jill: Get the fan girls! Now! (pushes Hyper Sonic into the fan girl pit)

Hyper Sonic: (does his Hyper Flash explosion attack)(kills fan girls)

More fan girls: (still charging at him) PRETTY RAINBOW!

Hyper Sonic: AUUUUGGGHHHH!(is grabbed by fan girls)

Jack: 20 MILLI0N?! This show is more popular than I thought! (sends out Hyper Shadow, Super Silver, Burning Blaze, and Hyper Knuckles)

Jill: Don't forget everyone else! (sends in everyone else with Shadow Rifles)

Tails: (back from Juno) FOOOOOORRRRRR MOBIUS! (goes into a shooting rampage)

Fan girls: (swarming around Sonic characters)

Espio: MOBIANS! TONIGHT….WE DINE IN HELL! (these days, you can't tease a battle scene without some 300 reference!)

(a gigantic battle is fought)

Jack: It looks like the fan girls are winning…

Hyper Knuckles: (pulled away by his dreadlocks)

Burning Blaze: (gets a bucket of water thrown on her)

Super Silver: (is shown a mirror)(stops fighting) Do I really look like that? I-AAAAAHHHHHH!(is taken away by fan girls)

Hyper Shadow: This is too easy! (leaves the battle out of sheer boredom)

-Later-

Jack: (revives everyone) You guys can't fight a million each? You all disappointed me…

Shadow: Nice! Chaos Blast! (kills Sonic)

Jill: To another review…

 _ok Quick Question? can chaos talk? (the watery thing)_  
 _-XxSpiritWolfxX_

Chaos: RAWR!

Jack: I don't know if he can! If he can, we'll need to be able to translate what he's saying somehow…

Tikal: Don't look at me! I never got what the hell he was saying, either!

Jill: Until we find a way, we'll ignore Chaos for now…

 _wow this is graet anyway her are my dares:_  
 _i whant mephiles shadow and knuckles to go in the closet with rouge at the same time!lol_  
 _-8wavetheswallow8_

Rouge: Interesting…a (bleep)job, a (bleep)job, and (bleep)ing all at once for me? (takes Mephiles, Knuckles, and Shadow all into closet)

Mephiles: Hahahaha! I get to lay the hot chick! (closet door shuts behind him)

Jack: It sounds like they're making quite a racket in there! Rouge is one lucky woman…and now to our anonymous reviews…

 _Make Tails dress up as Amy, put on some lipstick, then french kiss the boy of the fangirls choice._  
 _-noone_

Tails: Why does everyone want me to cross-dress? First Shadow, now I! (puts on dress and lipstick grumbling)

Jill: Alright fan girls, WHO DO YOU WANT TAILS TO KISS?

Fan girls: (cheering) SHADOW!

Shadow: (walks out of closet with other three) Did they just call my name? I-(is frenched by Tails) AH! He-she-it just kissed me! (vomits)

Tails: (vomits) He tastes like smoke!

Shadow: (pulls out cigarette butt) What do you think I do after sex?

Janitor: (angrily cleans up mess, then vows that if he ever gets a Death Note, Tails and Shadow are first)

Jack: Why am I not surprised that Shadow smokes? But things are about to get better for Tails…

 _TAILS: DRESS AS A BABY AGAIN AND BE BREAST FED BY ROUGE._  
 _-ANONYMOUS MAN_

Tails: Yes! (puts on baby clothes) Now give my milk, bitch!

Rouge: (rolls eyes) Do I have to do this in front of everyone?

Jill: Yes! I want you to suffer more!

Rouge: (takes off shirt, breast feeds Tails)

Guys: (drooling)

Jack: Now, this hot moment for the guys will change into a hot moment for the girls…

 _Dare Knuckles to screw Tails until he squeals in pleasure. (Tails, not Knuckles)_  
 _-Mr. Roboto_

Jill: (summons yaoi fan girls, hands Knuckles to them)

Yaoi fan girls: OMG! TAILS IS DRESSED UP LIKE A BABY! (grab Tails, take him and Knuckles into closet, shut door behind them)

Tails: AHHHHH!(quickly squealing)

Yaoi fan girls: You're supposed to squeal in PLEASURE! (continue unabated)

Poor Tails! The past few chapters have had really bad endings for him! Next chapter, I'll only do four reviews (a couple of them are HUGE, though!)


	19. Lots of tears and blood shall be shed!

Lots of tears and blood shall be shed!

Tons and tons and tons and tons and tons…(continues for an hour)…and tons of reviews! There's a lot of suffering ahead for the Sonic characters…

Jack: (removes blindfolds and gags from Blaze, Cosmo, and Amy) Now let's get to the final part of that long, 4 chapter dare…by having you eat Chironex Fleckeri!

Jill: (brings out platters) Eat up!

Amy: EWWWWW! It's jellyfish!

Cosmo: (takes a bite)(vomits)

Blaze: (eating without too much of a problem) What? I'm a cat! I like seafood! (finishes it all, starts eating off of Amy and Cosmo's plates until she finishes those) YUM! GIVE ME SOME MORE! I WANT SOME NOW!

Jill: Sorry, but we're out!

Blaze: WHAT?! RAWR! (turns into Burning Blaze, starts wreaking havoc)

Jack: Oh (bleep)! Run!

Blaze: (is suddenly electrified)(collapses)

Jack: What happened?

Jill: It's our guest…Static The Electric Hedgehog!

Static: (walks on stage) Looks like I came in time!

Tails: (starts running away) AUGH! HIM?! HE'LL KILL ME! (trips, falls into fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (rip away all of his body parts, sell them on eBay)

Static: Oh my god, they killed Tails!

Blaze: (wakes up)You bastards! (read Static's fic for understanding(waves advertising banner))

Static: I'll introduce the reviews for this chapter…and we'll start with the anonymous Gunslinger 117...

 _i like this series! its funny!_  
 _anyway..._  
 _silver and blaze,have sex on stage where all can see!_  
 _and if thats to much, have sex in a secluded location for the next 3 can only come out for dares_  
 _-Gunslinger117_

Blaze: Again?

Jack: Of course! Static hasn't had the pleasure of seeing you naked yet!

Blaze: (glares)(takes off clothes and does Silver in front of everyone)

-A few minutes later-

Static: That was awesome!

Blaze: (glares at Static while putting clothes back on)

Silver: Woot! We get to keep on having sex!

Blaze: But where should we go? The closet is probably going to be used more!

Silver: Then we shall do it in the bathroom again! (cheerily walks off with Blaze)

Static: Alright! The next review is from my very own brother, Spark…

 _Okay... Then I dare Sonic to have sex with Blaze so much he gets burnt to a crisp... Then I want Knuckles to eat him!_  
 _-Spark The Hedgehog123_

Jill: We're back to causing suffering!

Jack: And this is the first dare I've seen that has combined both Playboy and Fear Factor!

Sonic: Why? What do I have to do?

Jill: (summons Blaze) Just keep having sex with Blaze until we tell you to stop…

Sonic: (grins) I don't see a problem with that! (goes into closet with Blaze and shuts door)

-A couple of hours later-

Sonic: Ummm…when are all of you going to tell me to stop? It's starting to get pretty hot in here…

Jack: To tell you the truth…NEVER! You have to keep it up! (Holy (bleep), I just realized the double meaning in that last statement! That was unintended!)

Sonic: Damn it! (sounds of boiling start emitting from inside closet) AAUUGGHH! (is melted to a crisp)

Blaze: (comes out of closet with Sonic's cremated remains) Cool! I can kill with sex! (runs off stage back to Silver)

Knuckles: I'm sorry, Sonic…(eats remains) Ugghhh…I think I'm going to be sick…

Jill: There's bound to be stuff to do later that'll make you feel more sick!

Static: Good one, Spark! You got both Sonic and Knuckles to suffer!

Jack: (revives Sonic and Tails)(looks at upcoming reviews) MUAHAHA! This chapter has a nice surprise for you Sonic characters…DOUBLE SUPER DRAGON!

Eggman: Two Super Dragon reviews?! In one chapter?! You must be insane!

Sonic: (running away) IT'S THE APOCALYPSE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! (hides in some nearby bushes) They can't find me in here…they just can't find me in here…

Static: (rolls eyes) Let's head on to the two reviews…

 _Time to get cause more suffering!_  
 _Sonic: You always take credit for everything. You must tell everyone that Tails is the one who REALLY saved the planet all those times. You also must get them to actually believe you._  
 _Tails: Build a time machine and go back in time and kill Charmy's parents to prevent him from ever existing._  
 _Tikal: You must kill Chaos._  
 _Espio: Get a job as a fangirl and fanboy counselor._  
 _Metal Sonic: You must fight Sonic to the death. (Don't tell Metal Sonic that I have given Sonic a big gun to use in the fight)_  
 _Cosmo: Kill all the girls so you can have Tails to yourself._  
 _Vector: Burn all the money that the Chaotix uses, declare the Chaotix officially bankrupt, and go out of business._  
 _Mephiles: You aren't even worth my time, you sissy. Throw him to the Fangirls. Afterwards, throw him to the fanboys. Finally, allow Shadow to kill him for copying him._  
 _Omega: You must assist Eggman in his suicide which I am now ordering him to do because he is such a loser._  
 _Gamma: Tie Amy up to a pole and practice your aim with your gun._  
 _Shadow: You must challenge Sonic to a duel with swords to prove who's the ultimate._  
 _Cream: Your voice is annoying. You are not allowed to speak for the rest of this chapter, or else Cosmo can kill you each time you speak._  
 _Silver: You must fight Shadow. However, Shadow is allowed to use Chaos Control, but you are next time, keep on suffering! (Evil laughter)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jack: How do we make it convincing?

Jill: (holds out phone) It's obvious…call in celebrity gossip TV, magazine, and Internet reporters! They'll report on any half-baked rumor! (calls them over for press conference)

Sonic: (goes onto a podium) Everyone, I have a confession to make…I lied! I'm not the hero…Tails is!

Everyone: (gasps)

Sonic: Now the truth is out…

Reporters: (start debating, asking questions, etc.)

Tails: (rubs hands together) Yes! That's one problem down, so now I have to take care of another…(builds time machine, goes back into past with a can of bug spray in hand)

Charmy: I feel funny…(suddenly fades)

Tikal: But then who's supposed to protect the Chao?

Jack: That's not my problem!

Tikal: (walks up to Chaos) I'm sorry…(sprays him with sawdust)

Chaos: RAWR! (evaporates)

Espio: Alright, who's going to be my first client? (looks out upon a line consisting entirely of fan girls) What? No fan boys? Damn it…those are the easier ones to deal with! (lets first fan girl into his new office) Okay…so what's your problem?

Jill: Alright, so, anyways, I have an addiction to Knuckles, right? Because he's the BEST BISHIE EVER! OMG, but, seriously, there's this Rouge the Bat (like, what a bitch!) who is trying to take him from me! And he likes her!

Espio: (sighs) Maybe you should let him be with who he likes-

Jill: NO WAY! HE'S MINE!

Espio: (rolls eyes) This is going to be a long ordeal…

Metal Sonic: Ready to kill.

Sonic: (whistling, holding hands behind back) Guess what I have…(pulls out gun) Your death wish! (blows up Metal Sonic)

Jack: Wow…Warner Brothers is going to sue our ass for that Looney Tunes moment!

Cosmo: (pours a wine bottle into some glasses) Let's drink up, ladies!

Cream: Hmm…accepting a drink from my mortal enemy…I see no problem in that! (takes wine glass)

Cosmo: Let's toast! (all clink wineglasses, drink except for Cosmo)

Rouge: (grabs her own neck) Aack! It's poison! (dies with all other ladies)

Cosmo: Yes! Thank you, Super Dragon!

Vector: (sniffs)(burns money) Chaotix is bankrupt! We're through!

Charmy: Damn it! All of that annoying enemies to death for nothing!

Espio: Ha! Now I'm not so upset about getting fired!

Mephiles: AUGH! (is thrown to fan girls)

Fan girls: (screaming)(start tearing him up)

Mephiles: Wait! I'm not Shadow!

Fan girls: (outraged)(throw Mephiles to fan boys)

Fan boys: (beat up Mephiles for being such a sissy)

Mephiles: (crawls back on stage) Ugghh…(is blown up by Shadow's rocket launcher)

Shadow: There's the true faker!

Omega: (points gun at Eggman)

Eggman: No! You can't do this!

Jack: Sweet! This is exactly like that one ending in Shadow the Hedgehog!

Omega: Preparing to fire. Goodbye. (shoots a screaming Eggman)

Gamma: Hooray. (grabs Amy, ties her up)

Amy: Let me go! Or else I'll have Sonic kill you!

Sonic: Yeeeaaahhhh….about that….it's not happening!

Amy: WHAT?! (is shot at by Gamma) OW! THAT HURT! (finally gets a well-deserved shot in the head)

Jack: There's one problem with shooting her in the head…there's nothing to damage in there!

Shadow: Let's duel, faker! In an ultimate battle of the sword! (draws a sword)

Sonic: You're on! (draws his own sword)

Jill: Holy (bleep)! It's the sword Calibur from that upcoming Sonic game, Sonic and the Black Knight!

Sonic and Shadow: (face off in an epic Pirates of the Carribean-esque sword fight)

Sonic: Come on, Calibur! If I can depose King Arthur with you, I can kill this emo hedgehog!

Shadow: Don't call me em-(is killed by Sonic's sword)

Static: At this moment, I think Spark is totally laughing his ass off! Shadow got to suffer!

Sonic: Ha! I win! And killing with a sword is fun too! YAH! YAH!YAH!YAH! (goes berserk)

Jill: Run! He'll kill us all! (everyone runs away)

Jack: The people of King Arthur's realm are sooooo screwed when that game comes out!

-Later-

Jack: (revives everyone) Well, now we should continue since we've escaped from that berserk, really fast hedgehog! Never in my life did I think I would say those words!

Cream: (crosses arms)(glares)

Jill: We'll get you talking soon enough…

Silver: But that's how he kicked my ass before!

Shadow: Shut up! Now, Chaos Control! (starts beating the crap out of Silver)

Static: These have been some pretty harsh dares this chapter…

Jack: That's what we see every day here!

Static: Wow. Let's get to the other Super Dragon review then…

 _I haven't done questions in a while, so let's ask everybody one!_  
 _Chaos: If you're just liquid, how are you alive?_  
 _Amy: How could you possibly mistake Shadow for Sonic in Sonic Adventure 2, and Silver for Sonic in Sonic '06?_  
 _Blaze: What happened to the Sol Emeralds?_  
 _Froggy: Why is Big retarded?_  
 _Big: Where did you learn to fish?_  
 _Tails: You are a mechanical genius. Why haven't you built something yet to get rid of these idiots?_  
 _Charmy: Why are you so oversized for a bee?_  
 _Rouge: Why are you so obsessed with jewelry?_  
 _Eggman: Why haven't you built more robots like Omega? Omega destroyed so many of your other creations with ease, and he could stand up to Sonic._  
 _Knuckles: If you're supposed to be the guardian of the Master Emerald, why do you constantly leave Angel Island to go on adventures?_  
 _Sonic: How do you manage to collect all the Emeralds in most of your games, and then manage to lose them before the next one?_  
 _Tikal: How did you meet Chaos?_  
 _Espio: Where did you learn to be a ninja?_  
 _Metal Sonic: How can you live with yourself knowing that you're nothing more than a copy?_  
 _Cosmo: If you're a plant, how are you able to sleep with anyone?_  
 _Vector: Why is playing music your team blast in Sonic Heroes? Are you guys really that untalented?_  
 _Mephiles: Did your plan in Sonic '06 really revolve around making a girl (Elise) cry? Did you steal candy from babies and wheelchairs from the handicapped along the way?_  
 _Omega: How can you have a grudge against Eggman if he doesn't build you to have any emotions?_  
 _Gamma: Why did you kill Beta, thereby helping out Amy in Sonic Adventure?_  
 _Shadow: Why did you let Sonic use the Chaos Emeralds to go super at the end of Sonic Heroes, instead of doing it yourself?_  
 _Cream: Why can't you ever do something useful?_  
 _Silver: How could you possibly have believed Mephiles at the beginning of Sonic '06?_  
 _Jack: Where do you get your author powers from?_  
 _Now that I got those questions out of my system, I'll be back next time to cause suffering for some of you! (Evil laughter)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Chaos: RAWR!

Jack: Because the Sega Team decided to screw Physics in the face! Just look at my angry outburst from chapter 17!

Amy: They're all hedgehogs! They're of the same species and look similar!

Jill: But they're different colors! The answer is obviously her stupidity!

Amy: (glares)

Blaze: I've hid them on me this whole time…that's how I've been turning into Burning Blaze in this fic!

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: I think he was born that way!)

Big: Uhhhhh…duhhhhh…well, cats have to fish, don't they? Fish are gooooood…

Jack: So where did you learn to fish?

Big: Uhhhhh…I think instinct just taught me…

Jill: Weird.

Tails: Because I've been too kind! But now I'm evil! (lightning bolt flashes in background) Hahahahahahaha…

Charmy: I was born big! And the Mobian creatures are bigger than Earth creatures!

Jill: And why is that?

Charmy: …I don't know…

Jack: Again, outrage! Albert Einstein is turning over in his grave!

Rouge: Well, they're beautiful…and are worth a lot…and basically all of the other reasons us jewel thieves have for taking them!

Eggman: (revived) Omega was my prototype…and Rouge took him before I could copy him! And now I can't remember how I designed him!

Jill: Why not? You're a genius!

Eggman: I don't know…I've been forgetting a lot lately…

Jack: Like how you rip off James Bond villains all of the time?

Eggman: (glares)

Knuckles: Mainly because certain people (glares at Eggman) keep trying to steal it!

Eggman: Well, maybe the Master Emerald shouldn't be so useful…

Sonic: I have a terrible memory, and always lose things! I do that with my keys all of the time!

Jill: But I think the Chaos Emeralds would be more important than keys…

Sonic: (glares)

Tails: So NOW we know why we keep having to go on these pointless Chaos Emerald quests…because Sonic's a dumbass!

Sonic: Tails!

Jack: It's the terrible truth…

Tikal: Have you ever played Sonic Adventure? It shows my first meeting with Chaos during one of the flashbacks! At least, the very first second of that meeting…

Espio: Ninja school, of course! Though I'm the only one who bothered to go to Mobius after graduation…

Staitc: Cool! Ninja school sounds pretty awesome…

Metal Sonic: I'm just a copy. Oh no. No reason to live. Must kill self. (shuts down)

Cosmo: Because I'm an alien plant! I'm different from Earth plants!

Vector: (sighs) I'm addicted to music, alright?

Espio: But it does suck!

Vector: Shut up! You're technically still fired!

Espio: And Team Chaotix now no longer exists!

Vector: (gasps) How…dare you mention that! (runs off crying)

Mephiles: Yes. And it would have been a lot simpler if that annoyance (glares at Shadow) hadn't gotten in the way!

Shadow: It just shows that I'm better than you!

Mephiles: (sighs) Well, I wouldn't bother with those unless said candy or wheelchair contained some ultimate power!

Omega: Artificial intelligence brought me emotions. He didn't have to build me that way for me to have them.

Gamma: I didn't know. I would've waited for killing Beta until later if I had known it would help the annoyance.

Amy: Hey! Even after I saved your life from Sonic and Tails?

Gamma: Only so I could die later.

Jack: He's got you there!

Shadow: Because I thought he would act stupid and get himself killed in the fight! Then I could laugh at his demise!

Sonic: Hey! (glares)

Shadow: (sighs) But I underestimated him…

Cream: Well…I'm too scared! (is killed by Cosmo, then revived)

Jack: Then why do you hang around friends who like thrills and action?

Cream: They're the only friends I know! (is killed by Cosmo, then revived)

Jill: Cream, you need to start finding some new friends!

Cream: (runs off crying)

Silver: He was the only one I ever had seen besides Blaze! Of course I'm going to listen to what he says if it helps save my world!

Jack: Or, in actuality, destroy it!

Silver: (glares)

Jack: Hmmm…maybe because I'M THE AUTHOR? Therefore, I can make extraordinary events happen! Just watch! (snaps fingers)(Eggman puts on a tutu and starts dancing like a ballerina) See?

-Later-

Jill: One thing I've noticed is that evil Tails seems to be really popular!

Jack: Is that what the fan girls like? Hmmm…

A very long chapter! And now I shall collapse from lack of sleep! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...Lots of tears and blood shall be shed!


	20. Razors are surprisingly useful

Razors are surprisingly useful

ROAR! Today is exciting! I'm extremely pumped up on sugar and randomness, so it's time to do another chapter!

Jack: Wow! From the most recent reviews, it looks like we have a reviewer war on our hands! Which means even more suffering for the Sonic characters! MUAHAHA!

Jill: Oh, and by his personal request, we decided to put on Static's brother, Spark!

Shadow: WHAT?! But…he's out to get me!

Jack: (grins) I know!

Spark: (walks on)(grins) Hello, Shadow!

Shadow: AUGH! (runs off screaming)

Static: (high fives Spark)

Jill: Let's just head to our reviewing…

 _hopefully this will cause them to suffer!_  
 _Shadow: i dare you to listen to cheer up emo kid by patent pending 50 times!_  
 _sonic: put him in a petting zoo and give all the fangirls free tickets to get in!_  
 _amy: get shadow to teach her how to use guns and let her shoot every character that insulted or said something mean to her._  
 _silver: paint yourself green and for the next chapter everyone must call you green._  
 _knuckles: you deserve a break._  
 _tails: whats with all the dresses i dare tails to wear a hot red bikini for the rest of the chapter._  
 _blaze: shave off all your fur._  
 _rouge: melt all her gold jewelery._  
 _eggman: make a anti aging machine or something and turn yourself 15 for the rest of the chapter._  
 _cream: go get your nose and eyebrow pierced._  
 _and i want them all in the end to get throwed into the fan girls except for knuckles and one person of his choice._  
 _-dark child 1995_

Jill: (hands Shadow an ipod) Listen to this!

Shadow: (puts buds in ears) I like this music…(listens to lyrics) What the (bleep)? What kind of (bleep) is this? Telling me to cheer up? (tries removing buds) HEY! IT'S NOT COMING OUT!

Jill: (holds up glue bucket) I'm good at this!

Shadow: AUGH! HOW LONG DOES THIS GO ON?!

Jack: We set it on infinite loop! You have to listen to this 50 times!

Shadow: Damn you…

Jack: Oh, and Sonic…(shoots him with a tranquilizer gun)

Sonic: Uhhhnnn…so dizzy…(collapses)

-Later-

Sonic: (wakes up in a caged room)(notices fan girl line outside) Aw (bleep)!

Jack: (lets in fan girls) Here you go! Free petting for everyone!

Fan girls: (screaming)(glomp Sonic)

Sonic: Can't…breathe…(dies)

Fan girls: (take his corpse away)

Jill: How gruesome…

Amy: Show me how to use guns! I want to kill…a lot of people!

Shadow: Don't we all…fine. (takes her to a shooting range)

Shadow: This gun I call Sweetness…and this gun I call Precious…and I call this gun Susie…and this gun is Lily…and this gun is-

Amy: You name all of your guns?

Shadow: (hugs guns) They're my best friends…

-Later-

Amy: (walks back on stage wearing a leather jacket)

Jack: Cool! What's the jacket for?

Jill: (checks inside pockets) Holy (bleep)!

Amy: (draws out guns from underneath the jacket) Die! (has a shootout similar to that one in the Matrix that this previous scene ripped off)

Blaze, Rouge, Sonic, and Eggman: (are murdered brutally)

Amy: Vengeance feels GREAT!

Silver: (comes back from sex) How do I just paint myself green?

Jill: That's easy! (kicks Silver into a random green paint vat)

Silver: (crawls out covered in green paint)

Jack: Welcome to Sonic: Truth or Dare, Green!

Green: (glares) Hey! Why is my script name Green? It's Silver! (stop lying!)

Green: I'm not lying! (liar liar)

Green: (sighs)

Knuckles: Thanks.

Tails: A bikini?

Jack: AUTHOR POWERS! (has Tails wear a red bikini)

Fan girls: (cheering)

Tails: (glares)

Blaze: This is going to suck…(grabs a razor and heads to bathroom)

Rouge: (sniffs)(throws her gold jewelry into a furnace) This is so unfair! (stomps off crying)

Jill: (laughing) I live off of that bitch's tears…

Eggman: Turning me 15 for the chapter? Thanks!

Tails: (throws Eggman into anti-aging machine)

Eggman: (comes out 15, but then he learns the problems of that age…)

Eggman: Why do I have all of these zits? This is terrible!

Jack: Wow…Eggman had a terrible acne problem apparently…

Cream: Fine. Everyone wants me to be a rebel!

Jill: Well, you're too cheerful for your own good…(takes Cream a piercing parlor)

Blaze: (comes back from bathroom) You happy? I'm bald!

Everyone: (laughing)

Blaze: (glares) It's sooooo cold…

Cream: (comes back with piercing) This doesn't feel right…

Tails: Are you kidding? That's awesome!

Cosmo: Well, then I'll get into piercing also…(gets belly button and tongue piercing)

Fan girls: (increase their fighting)

Jack: Speaking of the fan girls…AUTHOR POWERS! (creates a giant wind gust that blows everyone off stage except for Knuckles and Rouge, who he grabs in time)

Fan girls: (grab everyone, force them into tea parties)

Rouge: Thanks for holding on to me, Knuckles!

Knuckles: Why wouldn't I? You're the hot one! (they go into the closet)

Jill: How DARE he? I'm so angry right now!

Jack: Well, then let's vent out that anger with our other reviews…

 _I dare shadow to...give sonic a lapdance in front of the fangirls! XD im feeling torturous. o and Amy has to watch it!_  
 _-Bree the Swallow_

Shadow: (plants a pole in the ground)(starts dancing in front of Sonic)

Fan girls: (screaming)

Sonic: Ummmm…

Amy: (gasps) LAY OFF MY BISHIE! (tackles Shadow, beats the crap out of him)

Spark: Yes! Take that, Shadow!

Jill: He's not the only one about to suffer a beating…

 _I still want to see Knuckles watch Sonic kiss Rouge..._  
 _And Cosmo should be thrown to the TailsXCream fangirls..._  
 _-Pokelad_

Sonic: Alright! Let's do this again! (kisses Rouge as she walks out of the closet with Knuckles)

Knuckles: HEY! (starts beating up Sonic)

Sonic: Uggghhhh….well…maybe your girlfriend shouldn't be such a slut…(gets an even worse beating from Knuckles)

Cream: Hooray! (throws Cosmo to the TailsCream fan girls)

Cosmo: Not again…AHHHHHHH!

TailsCream fan girls: (execute Cosmo with a guillotine)

TailsCosmo fan girls: (ambush TailsCream fan girls for vengeance)

Jack: Woot! The bloodlust continues…

 _Sonic: Shave off Shadow's balls._  
 _Rouge: Eat Shadow's fallen off balls._  
 _Tails, Cream, Charmy: Lock them in a closet nude. Camera inside the closet please._  
 _Blaze: Remind me, who do you want to sleep with?_  
 _Eggman: Show. Your. PINGAS._

Shadow: Whoa! I'm not letting you guys neuter me…(is tackled and held in place by everyone)

Sonic: (pulls out razors)(approaches Shadow grinning)

Shadow: STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU BUTCHER! (undergoes "the procedure") AAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!

Rouge: Eww…well, at least it will be quick! (swallows Shadow's manhood)(vomits)

Janitor: (starts cleaning up blood and vomit) Damn kids…with their operations and weak stomachs…

Charmy: Sweet! (goes into closet, waits for Cream)

Tails: (throws off bikini) Well, at least I won't need to wear that for a bit! (also goes into closet, waits for Cream)

Cream: Whoa! I already had to do a threesome earlier, and I'm not looking forward to another!

Jack: Well, the quicker you go into that closet, the less time everyone has to see you naked!

Cream: What are you talking about-

Jack: AUTHOR POWERS!

Cream: (completely stripped of clothes) OH MY GOD!

Fan boys: (drooling, cheering)

Cream: (runs into closet, shuts door)

Jill: Got them! (shows camera images to everyone)

Fan girls and fan boys: (all cheering)

Blaze: Not this question again! AH! (head blows up)

Eggman: Damn it! I was worried that one of those PINGAS fans would review!

Jill: Well, show it!

Eggman: (flashes fan girls)

Fan girls: (mixed reactions)

Jack: Gross. Let's move on…

 _Awesome. I dare each character to go in the closet with the character they hate most! And i dare Shadow to go on vacation in Ravenholm! Ravenholm is a town inhabited by zombies BTW, the only living human in Ravenholm is an insane preist named Father Grigori._  
 _-Teh One_

Jack: Fun! (sends everyone into closet, pairs them up with their mortal enemies)

Jill: Whoa! It looks like a lot of fighting is going on in there!

Static: The blood and guts coming out from under the closet door might signify something…

-Later-

Jack: (revives everyone) Now for the other part…from the Half-Life series!

Jill: Vacation time! At least for Shadow…(sends Shadow to Ravenholm)

Spark: Cool! Now Shadow's going to be eaten by zombies!

-In Ravenholm-

Shadow: Wh-who are you? Are you one of those weird people that were trying to bite me?

Father Grigori: I'm here to save the town…by killing all of those monsters!

Shadow: (starts walking out) This is crazy! I'm out of here! (trips on a wire, is decapitated by one of Grigori's traps) AH!

-Back on stage-

Jack: No matter what I do, I always seem to be only halfway through all of the reviews we have!

Jill: Well, at least we have enough reviews for the whole upcoming month now!

Oh, and I should now announce that…we are now accepting reviews for Halloween! I wish I was kidding! If you have any Halloween related questions or dares, send them in NOW if you want to see them done around Halloween!

Note: I might as well mention this...check out my Favorite Stories on my bio! They're some hilarious classics that I found on FanFiction, and I guarantee you'll find them funny, especially if you like Lord of the Rings, Kingdom Hearts, or Zelda!


	21. New guests! And Jack reveals a secret!

New guests! And Jack reveals a secret!

MUAHAHA! I've been thinking of things, and I have evil plans for the beginning and ending of this chapter! This is going to be fun…

Jack: (puts a pistol on a table) Alright, the game is called Russian Roulette. I think you already know plenty on the subject, Shadow!

Shadow: Indeed. (loads bullet in pistol, spins cylinder) Let's play…(starts with self, but nothing happens)

Spark: Damn it! That would have been awesome to see Shadow killed by his own weapon!

Jill: At least Amy is next…

Amy: (pulls trigger)(nothing happens)

Jack: DAMN YOU, SHADOW! YOUR LOADING SKILLS SUCK!

Amy: (glares at Jack, passes pistol on to Sonic)

Sonic: Oh no…(sweating heavily, pulls trigger)(nothing happens) Phew! (passes pistol on to Tails)

Tails: (pulls trigger)(BAM)

Static: Oh my god, they killed Tails!

Blaze: You bastard!

Jill: Game over! Let's get reviewing…

 _Awesome fanfic, but on to the dares..._  
 _1\. Lock Sonic in a room with Charmy (full of sugar, caffeine, etc.) until he confesses his great love for Eggman._  
 _2\. Force Tails to run a mile...while carrying Big. If he fails to do so within half an hour, let the fangirls have their way with him!_  
 _3\. For this chapter, if anybody swears, Knuckles gets to punch them in the face. If Knuckles swears, Shadow gets to blow his brains out with the gun of his choice._  
 _4\. Where's Jet? I demand that he be in the fanfic, or at least for this chapter! :_  
 _5\. Let Silver have vengeance on the character of his choice; he can hurt/kill them in any way for five minutes._  
 _-Pieguy3_

Jill: Here, Charmy! Why don't you try some coffee? (gives him coffee, shoves him into closet with Sonic)

(soon, crashes and explosions are heard)

Sonic: AUGH! ALRIGHT! IF IT'LL MAKE HIM STOP, I…LOVE EGGMAN! STOOOOPPPPPP!

Tails: Aw (bleep)!(tries picking up Big)(is crushed) I…can't do it…

Fan girls: (charge at Tails, drag him off)

Knuckles and Shadow: Alright.

Jack: Let's bring in Jet for this entire fic, then! (summons Jet the Hawk)

Sonic: But…that guy's a real (bleep)ing jerk! (is punched by Knuckles)

Jet: (sighs) Now I have to hang around these posers…

Everyone: (gives Jet the finger)

Silver: I guess I'll go after…Mephiles! (bashes his head against the wall for five minutes using his psychic powers)

Mephiles: Ow! (bleep)! (is punched by Knuckles)

Jill: OMG! I'm so excited for the next review…

 _Very random story; I LOVE IT!_  
 _By the way, here's a dare I just thought up:_  
 _Silver, Sonic, and Shadow: Get thrown into a pit of rabid fangirls and suffer for one whole hour._  
 _Please use my idea, Jack!_  
 _-shadowfan13_

Aforementioned 3: (shoved into fan girl pit by Jill, Jack, and Knuckles)

Fan girls: (screaming)

Sonic: Hey! Don't touch me there! That's a privacy invasion!

Shadow: (gets his mouth covered by a fan girl's hand before he can yell) Mmph!

-One hour later-

Silver: (is completely unharmed) Hey! Why aren't people liking me?

Jack: It's because you're just a superhero rip-off who also is an idiot that mostly wins by luck! And your controls SUCK!

Silver: (tears up) So I'm not very original! Doesn't anyone still like me? (stomps off crying, goes to bathroom to keep on having sex with Blaze)

Jill: And now we get to the reviewer who initiated that multiple chapter sex dare in the first place…

 _FUNNY!anyway..._  
 _shadow,go on a sugar high and turn into SUPER SHADOW!_  
 _tails,here are those nukes you wanted ch.12.i dont want to know what you want with them._  
 _everyone, go into the closet and have sex with the person of includes you, jack and jill._  
 _(BLEEP) YOU,(BLEEP)ING SONAZE AND SILVAMY FANGIRLS!_  
 _oh, and,MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _-Gunslinger 117_

Shadow: (escapes from fan girls, chugs some Red Bull) Super Shadow time! (grabs Chaos Emeralds, turns into super form) TIME TO KILL THAT FAKER! (goes into fan girl crowd to make Sonic's experience in there even worse)

Tails: I didn't want nukes! I wanted teddy bears! Honestly! (secretly accepts nukes when no one is watching) Now for a visit to North Korea…(walks off)

Jack: So that's how they acquired the nukes!

Jill: Cool! Tails is an arms mule!

(couples include: Rouge and Knuckles, Tikal and Knuckles, Sonic and Amy, Silver and Blaze, Shadow and Maria, Cosmo and Tails, Cream and Tails, and so on until the hosts' decisions)

Jill: (glomps Knuckles) Knuckie!

Jack: (glomps Rouge) Big boobs!

Everyone: (gasps)

Jack: I have to admit something to all of you! This whole time, I have secretly been…a Rouge fan boy!

Rouge: What exactly do you see in me?

Jack: You're hot, you're smart, and you love shiny, valuable things!

Jill: But she's also a sadistic, backstabbing bitch!

Jack: (glares) Let's do it! (takes Rouge into closet)

-Later-

Jack: (comes out of closet) I feel so energized!

Jill: (goes into closet with Knuckles) This fan girl is going to have her way with Knuckie!

Fan girls: (screaming)(start taking blood oaths against Gunslinger 117)

Jack: Let's get to the anonymous reviews…

 _I want Shadow to watch Maria die 10 times_  
 _Give all Sonic Characters Starwars weapons and unleash the fan girls on them_  
 _Dress Sonic and Shadow in blacg and give them Halo weapons_  
 _-Classic but better_

Maria: (heart attack)(dies)

Shadow: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Maria: (gets up) I'm okay! (heart attack)(dies)

Shadow: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Maria: (gets up) I'm okay! (heart attack)(dies)

(and so on until…)

Shadow: (fetal position) Maria!

Maria: Shadow, I stopped dying!

Shadow: (still in fetal position) Maria!

Jack: We brought his insanity back!

Amy: (notices pill bottle is empty) Oh (bleep)! (is punched by Knuckles)

Spark: Shadow is insane? Interesting…

Jill: (hands everyone laser guns, lightsabers) Now go for it! (lets fan girls on stage)

Fan girls: OMG! BIIIIIIISHIIIIIIIEEEEES! (charging)

(a Star Wars battle ensues)

-Later-

(the only ones left standing are Sonic, Tails, Eggman and Shadow)

Sonic: I knew those sword skills would come in handy!

Tails: And my shooting skills as well!

Jack: (revives everyone) Put these on! (hands black clothing to Sonic and Shadow)

Shadow: I don't look that much different…but I like these Halo weapons you also gave us!

Sonic: (uses sniper rifle on knuckles) That's for punching me!

Knuckles: AH! (bleep)!

Shadow: (shoots Knuckles with Battle Rifle)

Jill: Tsk, tsk…swearing…though there will probably be plenty of it after this review…

 _Switch the bodies of the following characters:_  
 _Sonic-Amy_  
 _Shadow-Tikal_  
 _Knucles-Rouge_  
 _Tails-Cream_  
 _Vector-Vanilla_  
 _and in the most painfull way_  
 _-P for Pain_

Jack: The most painful way, huh? (straps all of the aforementioned down)

Jill: What are you planning?

Jack: (pulls out a chainsaw grinning) Just some brain surgery…(takes out their brains)

Victims: (screaming as heads are cut open)

Jack: (switches brains into different bodies) All done!

Amy: Damn it, who put me in a dress again? I'm tired of this (bleep)! (is punched by Rouge)

Sonic: OMG! I'M…MY FAVORITE BISHIE! (fan girl faint)

Tails: I love flying! (flies around)

Tikal: This body sucks! This is almost my exact opposite!

Vector: Now I'm a part of the show as well?

Jack: Yep, another new guest!

Vanilla: (looks at self) Sweet!

Amy: I've got an idea! To get back at the chicks, let's go to the bathroom, take pictures of each other naked, and blackmail the ladies with them later!

Rouge: (grins) I like your way of thinking…

Knuckles and Shadow: NO!

Female victims: (head to bathroom with cell phones in hand)

Male victims: (sigh)

-Later-

Jack: (switches everyone back) Now to employ my evil plan for ending this chapter!

Jill: What is it?

Jack: (pulls out hunting rifle, loads it) I'm going hedgehog hunting!

Sonic, Amy, Shadow, and Silver: (run off screaming as Jack starts shooting at them)

Jack: This also includes ROBOT hedgehogs!

Metal Sonic: (runs away)

Jack: (runs off stage grinning) Let the games begin!

Let's see how many reviews I have now…(opens a nearby closet)(is buried in the review pile pouring out of open door) AAUGH! Whenever I get out of this, I'll get to our next chapter!


	22. Charmy is a terrorist! Get him!

Charmy is a terrorist! Get him!

From where we left off last chapter…(a hand suddenly pushes its way out of review pile) FREEEEEEEDOOOOOOOMMMMMMM! Now I can get back to writing…

Jack: (brings in heads of all 5 of his "prey") I love this shotgun!

Spark: (kicks Shadow's head like a soccer ball) Cool!

Jill: Let's get these mounted up!

-Later-

Jack: (looks at mounted hedgehog head collection) Perfect! But since we have to do reviews…(revives them) Now let's begin!…

 _ok i dare..._  
 _Shadow: go forth into the pit of fangirls and rescue Knuckles!_  
 _Sonic: (gives him a Javelin rocket launcher) try to hit Shadow as he rescues Knuckles!_  
 _Knuckles: um...if you get rescued, go into the fanboy pit and rescue Rouge...then...(points to closet)_  
 _Amy: after Sonic's dare is over, jump on his back for an entire chapter. Sonic can't complain._  
 _Cream: QUIT BEIN EMO! its just not you._  
 _Charmy: oh yeah...HE'S DEAD! everyone should throw a party for this momentious occasion._  
 _oh if for some reason anyone doesn't do a dare, they will be thrown into the fangirl pit! or fanboy pit. whichever._  
 _and if charmy gets revived before my dare is posted, i dare everyone to kill him once, with the author reviving him between each. that is all!_  
 _OVER AND OUT!_  
 _-SSG Tim the Hedgehog_

Knuckles: Oh yeah, from chapter 13! (dives into fan girl pit)

Shadow: Chaos Control! (runs through fan girl crowd, grabs Knuckles)

Sonic: (takes rocket launcher) YES! I get vengeance for chapter 11! (shoots at Shadow)

Shadow: WHAT THE (bleep)?! (is blown up)

-Later-

Shadow: (drags Knuckles on stage) Phew…I'm done…

Jill: (hugs Shadow) OMG, THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!

Shadow: (glares) Get…away…from me….

Jill: (backs off slowly)

Rouge: How romantic! (dives into fan boy pit)

Knuckles: (jumps in, grabs Rouge just before she hit's the bottom and flies off)(Yes, that was a Matrix rip-off!)

Fan boys: NOOOOOOOO! YOU'LL PAY, KNUCKLES!

Knuckles: (flies into closet with Rouge)

Amy: Hooray! (jumps on Sonic's back, grabs on to his spikes…or whatever they are) Let's ride! (grins)

Sonic: What?! But I-

Jack: YOU CAN'T COMPLAIN! (points shotgun at Sonic)

Sonic: Okay…(rides off with Amy)

Cream: Fine! Nobody likes me…

Jill: That's emo!

Cream: (sighs) Everyone likes me!

Jack: That's better! Under that assumption, it'll be easier to kill you!

Cream: What?

Jack: Let's party! Charmy's died tons of times! (drops balloons from above) And to celebrate, we get to kill him more!

Everyone: (looks at Charmy grinning)

Charmy: You can't! Think rationally here-(is pounced on by everyone) AAAAAAUGH! (is slaughtered many times)

Spark: (after electrifying Charmy) Moving on…

 _hm, let's see..._  
 _Sonic and Tails- make out for about a minute while sitting in the middle of the fangirls._  
 _Knuckles and Rouge- Put Rouge inside the master emerald still nude and the only way Knuckles can have her is if he breaks the emerald._  
 _Shadow- I think you're cool so you can take a fighter plane and shoot or drop bombs on anybody you want._  
 _Amy and Blaze- have an all out sex war in the closet._  
 _Eggman and Cream- get taught by Cream on how to be nice, and Cream has to be extremely evil for the whole chapter after teaching eggman_  
 _Silver- see if you can out run the fangirls (After their done with Tails and Sonic) while carrying big_  
 _-Legman124_

Jack: Fun! (hypnotizes Sonic and Tails) Now go to the fan girls and make out!

Sonic and Tails: (follow instructions)

Yaoi fan girls: WE KNEW IT! (pounce on Sonic and Tails) We're going to make you do even more…(drag them off)

Sonic: (is suddenly dehypnotized) HELP! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Knuckles: (comes back on stage with Rouge) I just finished reassembling the Master Emerald!

Jack: Perfect! AUTHOR POWERS! (teleports Rouge inside the Master Emerald without clothes on)

Rouge: I'm naked again?!

Jack: In my defense, I'm a fan boy! It's what we like to do!

Knuckles: Can't…break…emerald…too…HORNY….(breaks it)

Rouge: (puts clothes back on) Thanks, Knuckles! (makes out with him)

Knuckles: (starts crying) WAH HAH HAH…(starts making out) mmm, mmm…(starts crying again) WAH HAH HAH…(starts making out again) mmm, mmm…

Shadow: (hops into plane) Thanks! (grins) Now I can get yet another "pay raise" from G.U.N! (flies off)

Blaze: A sex war? What the hell is that?

Jack: I have no idea. Sounds kinky though…(shoves Amy and Blaze into closet, along with Sonic, just as he escapes the fan girls)

Amy: DO ME!

Blaze: NO, DO ME! I'm actually hot, and I won't become a crazy fan girl stalker for you afterwards!

Amy: (glares at Blaze) That was a low blow!

Sonic: She's still right, though! (goes to Blaze)

Amy: Damn it! I lost!

Eggmna: (turns to Cream) Alright, how do I become nice?

Cream: Well, what do you like?

Eggman: DESTRUCTION!

Cream:…Besides that.

Eggman: Ummm…robots?

Cream: There we go! Just treat everyone like they're a robot!

Eggman: Really? I never thought of it that way…

Cream: I think that the nicest I can get him to be…MUAHAHAHAHAHA…

Silver: Crap…(tries lifting Big, but is crushed) Wait! I have an idea…(lifts Big with psychic powers) There we go! (runs from approaching fan girls)

Fan girls: (screaming) SILVYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Jack: Run away, Silver! They're vicious creatures! Now let's ignore his cries for help…

 _My Dares and Leting Rouge off the hook so give everything back to Rouge she is my faviort_  
 _I Dare Shadow and Knuckals Treet Rouge as the Queen_  
 _I Dare Tails to Bring Yoshi as a Zombie and sick ZYoshi on Charmy and Raping him too also turn Charmy into a Zombie_  
 _I Dare Sonic to Face Road Runner, Speedy Gonzause, Superman, The Flash, Kid Flash, The Volt, and Bugs Bunnie see who is the world Fastes_  
 _I Dare Big go into Racoon City to get eaten by the Zombies_  
 _I Dare Cream Get hump by a Ghost Version of Snivley_  
 _I Dare Blaze Fight Amy in a Steel Cage and winner get Sonic for all Enternery_  
 _I Dare Tikal VS Jill VS ROuge in a Hell in the Cell Match First place get Knuckals Second Place get Shadow and Thrid Place get My OC in the Fan Boy Pit Alexander Hedgehog._  
 _I Dare Cosmo, Cream, Fonia Fox, and Nic wesale in a Over the Top Battle Royal winner get Tails for all Enterny_  
 _I Dare Knuckals Face a WereDeer and IF he wins he go on a Date with Rouge but if the Weredeer wins then he get to Rape Knuckals (Sorry buddy he want that)_  
 _-Charles Roberts_

Rouge: Hooray! (gets stuff back)

Shadow and Knuckles: (bow down) All hail!

Rouge: (smirks) Go get even MORE jewels for me!

Shadow: But-

Rouge: YOU HEARD YOUR ORDERS!

Knuckles: Fine…(walks off with Shadow)

Tails: (brings in Zombie Yoshi) Charmy, why don't you play with my new pet? (shoves them both into closet)

Charmy: Hi there, friend….OH GOD! HE'S RAPING MEEEEEEEE! Rape! Rape!…

-Later-

Charmy: (comes out a zombie) Brains…

Sonic: Sweet! I can show off my skills!

-At the race-

Sonic: (looks at other racers) Ha! They look so stupid!

Jack: Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black…

Sonic: (glares)

Jill: Oh, and guess what? Your grandmom just died!

Sonic: WHAT?! (race begins)

-Later-

Sonic: How could you lie about that? I was too traumatized to win the race…

Jack: Because it's hilarious! Besides, the Flash would have won anyways!

Sonic: (glares)

Jill: (hands Big a road map and car keys) Follow these instructions…

Big: (drives off to unknowingly reenact the famous Robot Chicken scene of Yoshi in Raccoon City)(One of the best sketches ever! Look up Grand Theft Auto-Mario to see the awesome, historic video clip and just imagine Big in Yoshi's car!)

Jack: (brings on stage a ghost version of Snively)

Eggman: HIM? You're bringing in that incompetent nephew of mine from the comics? But…he killed me in one issue!

Jack: Really?! I like him already!

Snively: Thanks. (starts humping Cream)

Cream: Eww! You perv! You're disturbing my evil planning…

Knuckles and Shadow: (come back with treasure)

Rouge: Being a queen is awesome!

Jack: (lowers two cages and two wrestling rings) It's fight time! We have…Blaze vs. Amy, Tikal vs. Rouge vs. Jill, Cream vs. Cosmo vs. Nicole (I couldn't find a Fonia Fox), and Knuckles vs. a Weredeer!

Amy: (amazingly beats Blaze with her fan girl fervor) HOORAY!

Tikal: (is killed early in her fight)

Nicole: But I don't even like Tails-(is killed early in her fight)

Cream: You forgot one thing…I'm evil this chapter! (pulls out a bazooka, blows up Cosmo)

Knuckles: Here, Mr. Deer…AUGH! (is dragged into closet by weredeer)

Jack: It looks like the Rouge/Jill fight is taking a long time, so we'll head on to the next review while waiting for them…

 _After much procrastination, I have finally come back for more torturing!_  
 _Chaos: You must kill a chao._  
 _Amy: You must be hit by Blaze with your hammer so hard that you lose your memory for this chapter._  
 _Blaze: Convince Knuckles that the Master Emerald is somewhere in the fangirls. You're not allowed to defend yourself when he comes back._  
 _Froggy: You must eat a homing device that will allow Big to always know where you are at._  
 _Big: You must go into the closet, and you're not allowed to come out until you find the cure for cancer._  
 _Tails: Kill Charmy, but be creative._  
 _Charmy: Go on international television and tell everyone that you are the most annoying Sonic character ever. Then, tell them why you're the most annoying. Afterwards, you must be thrown to the fangirls._  
 _Rouge: You must go to rehab until you are cured of your desire to steal things._  
 _Eggman: Start chanting the "Jack and Jill" rhyme to Jack and Jill. Wait and see how they react._  
 _Knuckles: Use your hands to dig through the earth to China._  
 _Sonic: Start dancing around Shadow and chant "Maria's dead!" until he does something._  
 _I hope everyone has suffered greatly! (Evil laughter)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jill: (beats Rouge due to fan girl fervor) Yes! Knuckie is mine!

Rouge: Well, at least I get the emo kid…

Chaos: (struggles to hit a chao, but finally does) RAWR! (floats away, kills itself)

Blaze: Perfect! She can't own Sonic if she doesn't remember! (steals Amy's hammer)

Amy: What are you doing-(is hit on the head) OW!…(gasps) OMG! I can't believe Jack is a Rouge fan boy!

Blaze: Success…Oh, and let's not forget the Master Emerald!

Knuckles: (escaping from closet) What about it?

Blaze: Some fan girls stole it!

Knuckles: Since you're not Jack or a reviewer, I'll believe you! (jumps into fan girl crowd) WHERE IS-AHHHHHHHHHH!

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: This can't end well…)(swallows homing device)

Big: (brought back to life) The cure for cancer? Uhhhhh…(goes into closet)

Charmy: (goes onto TV) Everyone…(sighs) of the Sonic characters, I'm the most annoying! This is because I'm hyper and stupid and gay and- Hey! (glares at speechwriter, who just happens to be Tails)

Tails; Oh, I must have made some typos…(suddenly pushes Charmy into a certain fan girl crowd…the one burning effigies of him!)

Charmy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (is lit on fire)

-Later-

Tails: I know what to do for killing Charmy! (glances at Jack) But I need your help…

-Later-

Charmy: (on a plane) Wow…Tails is so nice for giving me this plane ride…

Jack: (shows himself) Hi Charmy! I'm coming with!

Charmy: Hi Jack!

Everyone: (gasps)

Stewardess: WHAT did that bee just say?

Charmy: Oh, I didn't mean-(is tackled by pilot, arrested)

CIA: (take Charmy to a "cozy relaxation spot")

Jill: I don't think we're seeing Charmy again soon! Hooray!

Rouge: Rehab? I don't have a stealing problem!

Jack: Then what happened to my watch?

Rouge: You must have lost it or…(watch falls out of pocket) Ummm…IT'S A MIRACLE!

-At rehab session-

Rouge: Well, so I saw some pretty emeralds and just had to take them! They were so pretty and valuable and shiny and-

Therapist: (looks through notes) Will you please just stop stealing my papers?

Rouge: …Sorry. (hands back notes)

Therapist: (sighs) Time for shock therapy…

Rouge: (strapped up to electrodes with a diamond in front of her) Pretty…OW! Pretty…OW! Pretty…OW! (and so on)

-Meanwhile-

Eggman: Jack and Jill went up a hill and-

Jack: (stabs Eggman, puts him onto a giant hot frying pan) WHO WANTS SCRAMBLED EGGS?!

Eggman: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Knuckles: (escapes from fan girls, beats up Blaze)(starts digging) I know I can do this…I've seen it on TV, and when has TV ever been wrong? (continues digging)

Sonic: Maria's dead! Maria's dead! Maria's dead!

Shadow: (fetal position) Maria!

Sonic: (continues chant until…)

Shadow: (lunges up and stabs Sonic with his switchblade, then resumes fetal position) Maria!

Knuckles: (panting) China's taking a long time to get to…(collapses)(is crushed by collapsing dirt) AUGH!

Rouge: Guess what? I'm back!

Jack: (holds up a jewel on a fishing rod) Go get it!

Rouge: (glares) I'm cured…

Jack: We'll see about that…but now let's move onwards to an anonymous review…

 _Make Tails put on a frilly pink dress and makeout with Sonic._  
 _-Noone_

Tails: (puts on dress) Just get it over with…(is hypnotized into making out with Sonic)

Sonic: WHAT THE (bleep)?! Tails, get off of me! (tries shoving him off)

Amy: (notices Tails) DIIIIIEEEEE! (tackles Tails, starts beating him to death with her hammer) DON'T-TOUCH-MY-SONIC!

Tails: (is ruthlessly killed by Amy)

Sonic: (backs off slowly, pulls out phone, speaks in it quietly) Police? I have a stalker problem, and I need you here right now…

-Later-

Police: (grab a screaming Amy)

Amy: SONIC! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

Sorry I took so long to update! It's just that a million different people that I know wanted me to do a million different things this week…so I've been busy…

Note: I'm not accepting OCs anymore! This fic is meant to torture the Sonic characters, not made up fan characters! Besides, a fic can get too crowded with too many OCs…


	23. Blaze burns everything down!

Blaze burns everything down!

I've been playing the two Sonic Adventure games recently again, and my anger for Amy has shot up significantly! She's going to pay for her idiocy…

Amy: (in an interrogation room) SO I LIKE SONIC! What's the big deal?

Interrogator: You're killing others!

Amy: WELL, THEY SHOULDN'T TOUCH HIM!

Sonic: (outside the room, looking in through the glass while talking to investigators)…so she walked up to my best friend and killed him! There's bound to be some kind of restraining order you can put on that crazy fan girl!

Policeman: Alright, we shall! And she'll stay in jail for the night, if it makes you comfortable!

Sonic: (walking out) That'd be perfect!

-Back on stage-

Sonic: Well, Amy's got some "problems" to sort out, so let's just get reviewing without her…

Jack: (comes in holding bags of pills) I've got everyone's prescriptions! (throws pill bottles as he says each of their names) Charmy, you need Ritalin!

Charmy: (takes pills) I'm actually…okay…

Jack: Shadow, you need Prozac!

Shadow: (glares) (bleep) you.

Jack: (walks away from Shadow) Oh, and Sonic…you need Viagra!

Everyone: (rolling on floor laughing)(aka ROFLwaffles)

Sonic: (looks around innocently) Umm…(runs off crying with pills in hand)

Jill: Poor Sonic…let's head to reviewing…

 _I just recieved alot of homework, so I'm going to take out my desire for suffering on some of you!_  
 _Tikal: Do something to send Chaos into a fit of rage. Then, tell your father that Chaos must be killed._  
 _Espio: I want you to tell everyone that ninjas suck and pirates are better._  
 _Metal Sonic: You're a lame character, but you still have some uses. I want you to activate your program that wants to kill Sonic. However, after he's dead, I want you to be thrown to the Sonic fangirls._  
 _Cosmo: I want you to kill Cream and admit your love for Tails._  
 _Vector: Since playing music is your team blast in Sonic Heroes, I want to see what will happen when you guys play music onstage._  
 _Mephiles: I want Sonic to cripple you with a bat to the point that you need to use a wheelchair. When you get a wheelchair, I want Tails to steal it from you and then throw you to the fanboys._  
 _Omega: You haven't had any breaks, so I just want you to beat Eggman to a pulp with your fists._  
 _Gamma: Here's a chance to redeem yourself for helping Amy. I want you to keep killing her as many times as possible until she recieves a truth or dare._  
 _Shadow: Since you're such an emo, you must slit your wrists and bleed a slow death._  
 _Cream: I want you to listen to metallica with the volume turned up so loud, that you lose your hearing for this chapter._  
 _Silver: I want you to pick up a portion of the stage using your telekinetic powers. Then, I want you to hit Blaze with it over and over._  
 _I feel much better knowing I can help with torturing. Until next time, keep on suffering! (Evil laughter)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Tikal: (starts beating the Chao with a stick)

Chaos: RAWR! (starts chasing after Tikal)

Tikal: (runs into village screaming) Father! You were right! We need to kill these bastards right now!

Echidna tribe: (gets into an epic fight against Chaos)(get all of their asses kicked)

Jack: Wow…Chaos is good at fighting!

Espio: (glares) Ninjas suck….and pirates are better…(walks off sighing)

Metal Sonic: (activates program)(grabs Sonic, throws him and self into fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (screaming)(kill Sonic and Metal Sonic, sell their body parts on eBay)

Cosmo: Easily done! (buys a gun part of Metal Sonic, uses it to shoot Cream) And…I LOVE TAILS!

Vector: You're asking us…to PERFORM?! YES! (starts up music, plays it off-beat with Espio and Charmy)

Everyone: (covering ears)

Charmy: Come on! Our music can't be that bad!

Espio:…Yes, it is.

Sonic: Justice! (starts beating the crap out of Mephiles)

-Later-

Mephiles: (comes back in a wheelchair) Damn you fools…

Tails: You're still acting like an a-hole? (takes wheelchair, throws Mephiles to fan boys)

Fan boys: (beat every part of Mephiles that Sonic didn't already bruise)

Mephiles: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sonic: I knew it! Karma does exist!

Omega: Will oblige. (punches Eggman)

Eggman: Ow! You broke my nose, you-(is punched again)

Gamma: (heads to the prison to find Amy)

-At the jail-

Amy: (crouched up in a corner) Damn that Sonic…Hi Gamma!

Gamma: (starts shooting Amy)

Guard: WHOA! Let's get some backup, right now! (starts up a shootout against Gamma involving tons of guards and police)

Shadow: Fine…(slits wrists again)(collapses into…fan girl crowd!)

Fan girls: (take his body away to do terrible things with it)

Cream: (grabs radio, turns it up to full volume) OW! Hey, the music suddenly stopped!

Jill: (clenching ears) No it didn't!

Cream: What? I can't hear you-OH MY GOD!

Jack: (turns off music) Now for the next dare!

Silver: (lifts up a part of stage) I'm sorry, Blaze…(beats Blaze with the platform)

Blaze: (is crushed) Ughhhh….am I dead yet?

Jill: Well, that definitely helped with the torturing. so let's see what else we have…

 _SHOW ME YOUR RAGE!_  
 _Sonic: Torture Shadow until he's crying tears of blood._  
 _Eggman: Speak in backwards Italian for the rest pf the chapter._  
 _Knuckles: Get into a Boxing match with Mighty the Armadillo. HANDICAP: Mighty will win._  
 _Blaze: Set the stage on fire. Maybe the fangirl pit too, but you have to light the WHOLE stage on fire. No exceptions._  
 _Everyone: Revenge. Doing nothing results in death._  
 _-Anonymous; we don't forgive, and we don't forget._

Sonic: (pulls out an burning iron rod)(grins) Now people will have no trouble telling us apart…(burns Shadow's eyes with it)

Shadow: AHHHHHHHH! (blood comes out of eyes)

Jill: Now he looks even more emo!

Eggman: Backwards Italian?

Jill: I have to admit, you do look Italian.

Jack: Unfortunately, I don't know Italian…but I'll make him speak it anyways! AUTHOR POWERS!

Eggman: (speaking in backwards Italian)

Knuckles: I'm ready! (jumps into boxing ring, gets pulverized by Mighty) Uhhhnnn… apparently, I wasn't ready…(collapses)

Blaze: Sweet! (starts lobbing fireballs everywhere)

Jack: Oh (bleep)! She'll probably kill me first for getting rid of her clothes twice! RUN!

Blaze: (destroys entire stage, moves on to fan girls)

Fan girls: (overwhelm Blaze)

Blaze: AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Everyone else: (starts up a big fight amongst each other for revenge)

-Later-

Everyone: (revived)

Jack: Live! At the smoking ruins of our stage…it's Sonic: Truth or Dare!…

 _Okay, let's see here..._  
 _Blaze: Get back in the swimming pool. Stay in there for the next 5 chapters, regardless of whether or not you get another dare._  
 _Tails: You're excused from any BAD truths or dares for... Hm, I'd say 2 chapters. 'Till then, perform sexual "experiments" on anyone you want!_  
 _Shadow: Un-compress, clean, and dry Sonic's chili dogs. If you fail to make them edible, Tails will give a command to Space Colony ARK to obliterate you._  
 _Knuckles: Learn to spell your name. Jill will be your tutor, and she's allowed to do anything else she wants to you._  
 _Sonic: After eating your Chili Dogs, fart as loud and smelly as possible into Shadow's face._  
 _Big: Sit on Froggy._  
 _Froggy: Learn to speak English._  
 _Eggman: Keep running, and have ARK destroy all of your Sonic is excepted from this..._  
 _And, Jack: I've confiscated your Author Powers for this chapter. You can only revive people. Then, jump into the angry mob that hates you for being such an to everyone._  
 _That's all. If you use this, I'll give some more._  
 _-Sacredfire059_

Blaze: Fine! (storms off into cold pool) Brrrrr…

Tails: Thanks! (grabs a bucket of water and Cosmo) Let's see what happens…(takes her into closet)

Shadow: This sucks…(gets eyes restored)(grabs chili dogs and cleans them)

Sonic: (eats chili dogs)(cuts one in Shadow's face)

Shadow: You disgusting (bleep)! (kills Sonic…again)

Knuckles: But I don't know letters!

Jill: YES! Teacher-student relationships! (grabs Knuckles, takes him into closet)

Knuckles: But I-I want to spell my name!

Jill: Just say K-N-U-C-K-I-E!

Knuckles: And that spells Knuckles?

Jill: Mmmhmm. Now let's get it on!

Big: Uhhhh…why would I sit on my best friend?

Jack: (places Froggy under Big) Just sit down!

Big: (sits down)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: AAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHH! THE AGONY!)

Jill: I'm tired of translating! Let's just teach him English!

Jack: Alright, then. Here will be your instructor, Froggy! (shows Froggy a TV)

Jill: Since we are too lazy to teach, we'll just make him watch a bunch of videos! (pops in video) Enjoy the substitute teacher!

Eggman: But I can't! I'll probably get a heart attack…

Omega: (is blown up by Eclipse Cannon)

Gamma: (blown up by Eclipse Cannon, ending the jailhouse shootout)

Jack: Hey! How's he supposed to kill Amy when he's dead?

Eggman: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! All of that learning science…for nothing!

Jill: As we said before, being an evil genius was the wrong career for you!

Jack: Fine! The beating will be totally worth it for all of the torture I've inflicted on the characters…(jumps into angry mob)

Angry mob: (beats up Jack using pitchforks, torches)

Jill: (sighs) Only Jack could wind up inciting an angry mob on this show…

 _okay, I dare Shadow to stand on his head and sing about how much he loves cupcakes and pink. Then let him smash a pie in everyones face._  
 _-Shadlay_

Shadow: (sighs)(stands on his head)(starts up singing voice) I love cupcakes…and pink! I love cupcakes…and pink!

Fan girls: (cheering) WE KNEW IT!

Sonic: (laughing hysterically)

Shadow: (glares) At least I don't need Viagra!

Sonic: (stops laughing) That was low, man…that was low…

Jack: (climbs back up on stage) Shadow's not the only one singing, though…

 _dare sonic to sang spotlight by jennifer hudson_  
 _-PrincessRosalinaGalexy_

Jack: Who's Jennifer Hudson?

Jill: Oooh! I know about her! (hands Sonic lyrics)

Sonic: (singing) Are you a man who loves and cherishes and cares for me? Is that true?…

Fan girls: (screaming)

Everyone else: (laughing)

-Meanwhile-

Amy: (starts playing a harmonica in jail cell) When I get out of here…

As you may have noticed, I've been updating less frequently. This is because this month has been much busier, though I originally thought this month would be less busy than last month! Also, some jerk gave my computer a virus! If you're bored while waiting for me to update, you can always look at the older chapters again to get a good laugh out of them!


	24. From sex to violence to singing

From sex to violence to singing

This chapter took a surprisingly long time to write! It wasn't even that many words…

Sonic: (relaxing) Ahhhhhh….what a great day! No crazy fan girls or-

Amy: (grabs Sonic from behind) SONIC!

Sonic: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….(is dragged off by Amy)

Jack: Unfortunately, Amy's out of jail! While Sonic suffers the wrath of an angry fan girl, let's get to reviewing an anonymous one…

 _Okay... I have a truth for Rouge:_  
 _What is the lowest thing you'd do to collect a Chaos Emerald?_  
 _Now for dares:_  
 _Shadow: Your cool, so I'm letting you off. Take a double barrel rifle and Shoot Sonic in the balls every time he talks. ( Jack, dont tell Sonic)_  
 _Sonic: Say 100 lines in this chapter._  
 _Tails: lick the protrusions on Rouge._  
 _Rouge: YOU CANNOT HURT TAILS AT ALL!_  
 _Knuckles:(TRUTH) What Happened to your mother?_  
 _Tikal: (IF SHE IS PRESENT) Go into the closet with Knuckles and Jill._  
 _Eggman: Build something that accually K.O.'s Sonic. Tails, help him._  
 _Jack: Put Tails and Sonic in the closet, and let the Yaoi Fangirls do their magic. (Tails pregnent)_  
 _-Miguel Robotnik_

Rouge: (grins) What do you think I would do? (does a sexy position)

Jack: Well, it just happens to be that I have a Chaos Emerald right here in my pocket…

Rouge: But I'm cured of the stealing urge! Thanks to that stupid rehab session…

Jack: DAMN IT!

Sonic: Why do I need to say 100 lines-(BAM) OW! (collapses clutching crotch) What the (bleep) was that for-(BAM) OW! (BAM) OW! (BAM)

-100 OW's later-

Sonic: Can't…feel…manhood…

Jack: That means you'll need even more Viagra!

Everyone but Sonic: (laughing)

Tails: (licks lips) I like this dare!

Rouge: (glares) Well, I guess I have no choice…

Fan boys: (drooling as they watch the dare being performed)

Knuckles: She abandoned me…so I could watch the Master Emerald. (sighs)

Jill: Wow…that's kind of sad…I'll cheer you up, though! (takes Knuckles into closet)

Tikal: Wait! I have to join you! (goes into closet also)

Eggman: But I don't know where to start!

Tails: I know what to use! (hands Eggman a can of rat poison)

Sonic: (glares) I'm not a rat!

Jack: You look close enough to one!

Eggman: That's good enough for me! (sprays the poison in Sonic's face)

Sonic: (gets knocked out)

Jack: Alright, then. (summons yaoi fan girls) You know what to do…

Yaoi fan girls: (kick Knuckles, Jill and Tikal out of closet, then charge at Sonic and Tails)

Sonic: (waking up) I'll show that dragon who's boss-AUGH!(is taken by yaoi fan girls into closet)

Tails: (rolls eyes while being dragged into closet) Why am I getting paired up with everyone?

Jill: Because the fan girls wuv you! (slams closet door in his face)

-Later-

Tails: You can't be serious! I'm pregnant?!

Cream: This is karma for knocking me up!

Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah…let's just get to the movie already! (teleports them to Juno set)

Jill: Now let's move from sexual dares to violent dares…

 _Another fangirl war? Awesome! That means there shall soon be even more suffering!_  
 _Tails: I want you to force everyone to help you fight alongside the Tails and Cosmo fangirls. Kill all of the Tails and Cream fangirls!_  
 _Chaos: Shadow never said "I'm emo" when he was talking about Metal Sonic in chapter 14, so I want you to tear him apart. After he is revived, drown him._  
 _Amy: You must give Sonic away to the fangirls!_  
 _Blaze: Set Eggman, Amy, and Charmy on fire._  
 _Froggy: I feel sorry for you. I want you to kill Big._  
 _Big: I want you to go in the closet and play with some razor-sharp knives. (With any luck, he'll kill himself)_  
 _Charmy: Vector was the one who was supposed to be hurt in chapter 14 when he talked to the Irish man. Call up the Irish man's friends, and tell them to kill Vector. Be sure to tell them that they'll need some heavy artillery. Afterwards, kill yourself._  
 _Rouge: Call GUN and tell them about the illegal activities going on in this show. Tell them that Eggman is responsible for everything._  
 _Eggman: Shave your mustache and then tell everyone that your name for this chapter is Chrome-Dome._  
 _Knuckles: You must go back to Preschool, and you have to pay for it all._  
 _Sonic: You must be tied to a pole so that Tails can kill you however he wants._  
 _Hopefully, this will cause much suffering. Either way, I will soon be back to cause even more! (Evil laughter)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Tails: Umm…okay. I think I have a plan…(takes a trip to Sega H.Q.)

Shadow: I'm sorry! I forgot!

Jack: That's no excuse! Get him!

Chaos: RAWR! (rips Shadow to pieces, then drowns him in the swimming pool)

Shadow: (glug glug)(dies)

Amy: NO! He's mine! (glomps Sonic just as he gets back from Juno)

Jill: Just give him up already…

Amy: (pulls out hammer) I'll beat down any fan girl who even dares to touch him!

Jack: But you're a fan girl!

Amy: You're right…and I touched him! Following that thought…(starts beating self to death with hammer)

Jack: (with a gaping jaw) I'm shocked…I never thought Amy's I.Q. was that low!

Sonic: Don't make me go to the fan girls…(shudders)

Jill: Too bad! (rolls Sonic up into his ball mode, hits him with a golf club into fan girl crowd) Fore!

Fan girls: (screaming)(grab Sonic)

Sonic: (also screaming)

Blaze: More burning? Ahahahahahaha…(sets Eggman, Charmy, and a revived Amy on fire)

All three: (jump into swimming pool screaming)

Jack: (laughing) My three least favorites all got to suffer at once! But Blaze, you've got problems…

Blaze: What do you mean?

Jack: Don't you see? You've become a pyromaniac!

Blaze: Part of me is fire!

Jack: See my point?

Blaze: (sighs)

Froggy: (trips Big into swimming pool) Ribbit! (Translation: That was easy!)

Jack: Hey! We taught you English last chapter, so use it!

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: NO! I'm a frog, damn it, and I shouldn't be speaking English! It's not right!)

Jack: It's not right for any of these animals to be speaking English…but then again, that's Sega physics for you!

Big: (is revived) Uhhhh…okay…(goes into closet and finds knives) Shinyyyyyyyy….AH! (accidentally stabs self in head) Uhhhhh...I don't feel any different…

Jack: (bleep)! There's nothing to damage in his head!

Big: (suddenly dies for absolutely no reason)

Jill: That's better!

Charmy: (calls up agency) I know where Vector is…(gives information, then hangs up phone) I can't believe it…I just betrayed my friend…(reenacts a cheesy rip-off of one of those suicide scenes from 24 by hanging self)

Vector: (gets blown up by a nuke)

Jack: What illegal activities? (notices Shadow passing out cigarettes to everyone) Besides that! (notices the fan girl war heating up into human rights violations) And besides that!(notices that the fan girls have perfectly recreated the Woodstock concert) (sighs) Damn it…

Rouge: (calls up G.U.N, telling them of aforementioned activities) Oh, and Eggman started all of this! Let's bring him in! (hangs up)

Eggman: What?! You lying-(notices G.U.N. forces coming) I guess I have no choice…(shaves mustache)

GUN commander: And who are you?

Mysterious stranger without a mustache: My name is…um…Chrome-Dome!

GUN commander: Um…okay…let's go men! He's around here somewhere! (they all run off)

Knuckles: Preschool? But…that's where I failed!

Jack: Bringing back repressed memories? Perfect! (sends Knuckles to preschool)

Tails: (walks back on stage) I have some news…I "convinced" the Sega staff to add in to your contracts the statement that you have to join the TailsCosmo fan girl army! (gives them battle gear) Let's go!

TailsCosmo fan girls: (initiate a TailsCream fan girl genocide)

-Meanwhile-

Teacher: Now, all you have to do is put these four puzzle pieces together!

Knuckles: (fails horribly) THIS IS TOO HARD! (curls up into fetal position, starts sucking thumb)

-Back on stage-

Cosmo: Success! The TailsCream fan girls are eliminated!

Jack: But…what about the suffering? Well, I can't have this fic without more suffering, so…(revives TailsCream fan girls, starting the war again)

Jill: But don't worry, Tails can still do more killing! (ties Sonic onto pole)

Sonic: Tails! Help me!

Tails: (grins) You look cold…(takes pole, roasts Sonic over a campfire)

Sonic: AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! This is going to hurt our friendship…(dies)

Jack: Is it me, or have the Sonic characters gotten stupider on this show? Now we move from violent dares to some musical dares…

 _(grins evily) This is gonna be fun..._  
 _I dare Sonic, Shadow, Tails, Knuckles, and Eggman to play the song Welcome to the Jungle by Guns n Roses (Sonic singing, Tails on lead guitar, Shadow on rythym guitar, Knuckles on bass, and Eggman on drums). And since it's a Guns n Roses song and Tails is on lead guitar, he has to wear a curly wig and top hat like Slash._  
 _I dare Charmy to play Through the Fire and the Flames on Guitar Hero 3 on Expert mode. If he fails to complete the song, stab him in the head_  
 _You know that new show on Cartoon Network called Flapjack? I dare Shadow to go into the cartoon and kill all the characters slowly and painfully After that, let's see him sing The Barbie Song while playing DDR._  
 _Finnally, let's see Sonic and Shadow sing "Road to Rhode Island" (from Family Guy), with Sonic as Stewie and Shadow as Brian_  
 _-Bad-to-the-Bone457_

Tails: Nice! I get to actually become a rocker! (puts on wig and hat)

Shadow: Why rhythm guitar? It's my attitude, right!?

Jack: Yep. I'm not looking forward to Sonic's singing voice, though…

Sonic: (glares) Hey!

Eggma-I mean, Chrome-Dome: I'm not too bad at drums, I guess…

Sonic: Then let's perform! Welcome to the Jungle, we've got fun and games…

Fan girls: (cheering)

-While the performace is going on-

Charmy: Alright! My knowledge of music should help with this! (plays Guitar Hero, does terribly)

What Charmy's Guitar Hero song sounds like: (bloop bleep bloop bleep bloop bleep bloop bleep)(basically, tons of mistakes)

Charmy: I can't believe this!

Jack: (sends a sword right through Charmy's head) That you suck at music?

-After the concert ends-

Shadow: (goes into Stormalong Harbor) AH! This place is too happy…(starts a killing spree using a Chaos Emerald and a crapload of knives) STABBITYSTABSTAB! (kills everyone easily, then returns to stage)

Jill: (sets up DDR machine) Now, you have to do the other part!

Shadow: (starts dancing on DDR) This sucks!

DDR: …Life in plastic, it's fantastic! You can brush my hair, and take me anywhere…

Shadow: AHHHHHHHHHHH! (slips, loses DDR game)

Sonic: Well…I guess people like my singing…

Sonic and Shadow: We're off on the road to Rhode Island! We're having the time of our lives…

Sonic: Take it, dog!

Shadow: (glares) We're quite a pair of partners…

-A few minutes later of jabbing the infamous insults at each other in the song-

Jack: Ha…Shadow urinates on the walls!

Shadow: (gives the finger to Jack)

Jill: Let's get to one of Spark's dares…

 _I dare Blaze, Silver, and Sonic to sue Mephiles for sexual harassment against Blaze._  
 _-Spark The Hedghog123_

-At the courtroom-

Sonic: (tearing up) He kissed her!

Judge: Yes, but kissing is not sexual harassment in Mobius! Especially not when it's consensual…

Silver: WHAT?!

Blaze: He's right, you know. I don't see why you guys are fussing so much over one kiss…

Judge: Not guilty! (bangs gavel)

Mephiles: Hahaha! You guys suck!

Sonic: THAT'S IT! I'M ANGRY! (turns into Super Sonic, blows up courtroom)

Jill: Talk about an overreaction…let's head to another anonymous review…

 _I dare shadow to get vengance!_  
 _-eric_

Jill: Vengeance for what?

Shadow: EVERYTHING! (jumps into a car, does a drive-by shooting at the stage)

All Sonic characters: ("filled up with lead")

Shadow: That's the way I like to see everyone…dead!

Jack: That GUN training has taught you quite a bit…

AHHHHHH! I'm so far behind in my reviews!


	25. Everyone plays Sonicball

Everyone plays Sonicball

I have noticed some weird trends on this fic! Like for instance, the longest chapters get the fewest reviews while the shortest chapters get the most! Hmmmm…

Jack: (at a basketball court on stage) Okay…the game is called horse! (starts dribbling "basketball")

Basketball: (with each bounce) Ow! Ow! Ow!

Knuckles: Wait…why is the basketball blue? And talking?

Tails: Is that Sonic in his ball mode?

Jack: (shifts eyes around innocently) Maaaaaaybe…

Jill: Let's just play already! Just a note: if the ball seems to be screaming and pleading for mercy, ignore it! (game starts)

Soni-I mean, Basketball: This is going to suck…OW! AH! THE AGONY!

-After the game-

Sonic: (horribly bruised) You all…are sooooooo cruel….(collapses)

Jill: WOOT! I totally won that game! I am the new champion of…Sonicball! In my moment of victory, I shall read all of the reviews we'll be doing in this chapter. Let's start with the one non-anonymous reviewer this chapter…

 _Sonic and Knuckles will fight the fangirls in hyper form, Tails would be in the REAL super form (from Sonic 3 & Knuckles). Shadow would be in super form too, and so will all other characters with a super form. the other characters will use Shadow Rifles. Shadow will use loads of Chaos Blast for the next three chapters to kill, as well._  
 _-TARDISreviewer_

Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Tails, Shadow, Silver, and Blaze: (turn into super forms)

Burning Blaze: We're doing this again? AUGH!

Jack: (gives Shadow Rifles to everyone) Yep, except now I know that Tails had a Super form, apparently! With some little birds around him to protect him…

Super Tails: (clutching ears) Yeah, but their chirping gets to me after a while…

Jill: Attack! (sends everyone out on charge, then sits back on a lawn chair to eat popcorn and drink lemonade)

Jack: Those Sonic characters always make some entertaining battles…

Super Tails: AUGH! (fan girls drag him off by his tails)

Everyone else: (dies exactly like in chapter 18)

-After the Sonic characters get totally owned-

Shadow: (laughing) Chaos…Blast! (BOOM)(kills Mephiles) Finally! I've been wanting to do that for a long time!

Jill: True! Your whole story in Sonic '06 was mostly based on trying to kill Mephiles…and you still failed at that! Let's get to the tons of anonymous reviews…

 _Turn Shadow into a toilet and give all the girls massive diarriah_  
 _.-Blank_

Jack: Okay…AUTHOR POWERS! (turns Shadow into a toilet)

Jill: Free, laxative-filled muffins for all! (gives them to fan girls)

Fan girls: (get diarrhea)(go to Shadow)

-Later-

Janitor: (still cleaning up mess) Stupid (bleep)ing fan girls…the worst kind of stupid kids!

Shadow: (back from showering) I'm…so angry…Chaos Blast! (kills Eggman) I'm on a roll!

Jill: Onward…

 _Have Amy grow a (bleep) and (bleep) inside Sonic until he's to bloated to move._  
 _-Anon._

Jack: Again…AUTHOR POWERS! (a bulge appears in Amy pants)

Amy: Let's go, Sonic! (drags him into closet)

Sonic: This can only get worse…(gets closet door shut in his face)

Jill: While that goes on, we'll head forward…

 _Knuckles: fight Chuck Norris. And somehow live._  
 _-Nobody man_

Jack: Ha! That's impossible! The chief export of Chuck Norris is PAIN!

Knuckles: Well…I have to try! (goes into arena, gets his ass kicked)

Chuck Norris: Time to finish you!

Knuckles: (points in random direction) Look! It's Bill Nye!

Chuck Norris: The Chuck Norris of the science world?! Where? (looking around

Knuckles: (runs like hell)

Amy: (drags Sonic out of closet) The dare's done!

Sonic: (too fat to move) Ugghhhhh…

Jack: Pefect! (Pulls out a needle, pops Sonic like a balloon) (restores everything to normal)

Jill: Now it's time for Tails to really suffer…

 _Make Tails dress as a playboy bunny and give a lap dance to Sonic._  
 _-Nobody_

Tails: (puts on outfit) This is going to be embarrassing…(gives a lap dance to Sonic)

Sonic: What the (bleep)? Get away from me…you're kind of creeping me out, Tails!

Tails: (sighs)

Jill: Oh, but Tails' problems have just begun…

 _Tails: dress as Cream and beg the guys for sex._  
 _-M_

Tails: (puts on dress) The cross dressing dares are always going to me! Why?

Jack: Because you're basically this show's prison bitch!

Tails: (glares)(goes to guys) Umm…I need sex! Now!

Shadow: (laughs) Now you know what it was like for me at the beginning of this fic!

Tails: (sighs) Well, at least nobody is accepting the offer…

Jill: Oh, I wouldn't say that just yet…

 _Cosmo: grow a buck of vines and tentacle rape Tails._  
 _-Noone_

Cosmo: I know how to do that! (drinks a can of Red Bull)(grows vines)

Tails: Oh god no! (is grabbed by vines, then taken into the closet) HELP!

Jill: Wow, all of those reviews did not take up as much space as we thought! Therefore, we shall do another review, this one from Super Dragon…

 _Don't be so gloomy about all the reviews, Jack. It just means that there's going to be that much more suffering for the characters. Like now!_  
 _Tikal: Fill Chaos full of water until he explodes._  
 _Espio: You, Vector, and Charmy must take music lessons until you actually sound good._  
 _Metal Sonic: Download as many viruses as you possibly can into your system._  
 _Cosmo: Marry Tails._  
 _Vector: You must end communism in Cuba. If you fail to succeed within the next hour, you must kill Sonic and then throw yourself to the Sonic fangirls and fanboys. You must then kill Sonic and throw yourself to Sonic's fangirls and fanboys every time you recieve a truth or dare in the next three chapters._  
 _Mephiles: Have necrophilia for this chapter and the next one._  
 _Omega: Cure Vector of his vampirism, even if he doesn't want you to._  
 _Gamma: Try to find the square root of a negative number._  
 _Cream: (Don't tell Tails about this dare) Tell Tails that you hate him and that you never want to see him again._  
 _Shadow: You seem to store quite a large number of guns. Take a rocket launcher and blow up Cream. Then, dive into the fangirls like the emo you are._  
 _Silver: Use your telekinetic powers to lift up Amy's dress. Then, she gets to beat you with her hammer._  
 _You see? All these reviews create more suffering! Speaking of which, I'll be sure to be back to cause more suffering later! (Evil laughter)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Tikal: Um…sure. (shoves a hose into Chaos, turns it on)

Chaos: (grows huge) RAWR! (explodes)

Blaze: AUGH! I'm wet! (steam starts coming off of her)

Espio: Fine! But where do we go?

Jack: My band class! (sends them to school)

Charmy: (drinks some coffee before class) WHOA! (gets really hyper, starts destroying musical equipment)

Teacher: Get out of here!

Vector: We can't. We have a contract to do this dare and all others.

Teacher: (sighs)

-Later-

Espio: Finally! (start playing "Eye of the Tiger" really well)

Vector: Well, no more tomato throwing for us!

Jack: (hooks up Metal Sonic to a computer) Now, start a downloading frenzy!

-Soon-

Metal Sonic: Can't…concentrate…too…much…porn…(blows up)

Jack: Woo hoo! And now for an actual shotgun wedding! (pulls out a shotgun, points it at Cosmo and Tails just as they leave the closet) Marry! Now!

Tails: Marriage? But…how am I supposed to be a pimp if I'm married?

Jill: That's your problem. Now get going! (sends them to a drive-in wedding)(Yes, these actually exist!)

Minister: And do you take this…plant thing….to be your wife?

Tails: (looks nervously at Jack's shotgun) I do!

Minister: And do you-

Cosmo: (bleep) YES! (hugs Tails)

Cream: (slaps Tails while crying) I hate you! I never want to see you again! (storms off)

Tails: I'll get you back soon…

Jack: (drives them all back to stage) Now Vector must end Cuba's communism!

Vector: (flies off) That's easy! (heads to Havana, barges into capital)

Clerk: Do you have a reservation?

Vector: No, but I've got something much better for access! (pulls out machine gun, starts shooting up the place) Crap! Only five minutes left! (barges into Castro's room)

Castro brothers: (surrender)

Vector: Now that it's no longer communist…I shall make it a fascist government! MUAHAHA! WORSHIP ME!

Jill: I don't think we're going to see any good come out of that…

Mephiles: (is revived)(notices Eggman's body) Ummm…excuse me for a second…(drags Eggman's body into closet)

Tails: (throws up) Any necrophilia is gross…but with Eggman….uggghhh…

Janitor: (bleep) you, kid! It can't be nearly as gross as my job…(starts cleaning up mess)

Omega: Must obey orders. (grabs some garlic, shoves it down Vector's throat)

Vector: AHHHHHHHHHHHH! (turns back into a crocodile) Damn it!

Gamma: But there isn't any. Oh no. (blows up)

Jack: Explosion time! (starts blowing up some fireworks) What? It's the current mood right now!

Shadow: Ah! But I have to kill with…Chaos Blast! (blows up Cream)

Jack: Well, it generated the same effect of a rocket launcher!

Shadow: I have to deal with those creatures again?! (dives into fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (screaming)(rip out all of Shadow's quills, sell them on eBay)

Silver: Well, I guess I am a bit horny right now…(lifts up Amy dress, starts drooling)

Amy: HEY! Why are so many of you such pervs? Well, now you're gonna get it! (takes out hammer, starts beating up Silver)

Silver: (gets hit right where he's defined as a man) OWWWWWWW! (is continually beaten)

Blaze: Brrrr….I can't believe I still have two more chapters in this pool!

8 reviews done in one chapter! But next chapter, I'll only be able to do 4!


	26. Chapter 26

It seems that a lot of people liked the previous chapter! I have to admit, there were several moments in there that brought me to the floor laughing when I thought of them!

Cosmo: (walks up to Tails) Hey honey, how's it going?

Tails: I can't find our wedding certificate…or rings!

Cream: Hehehe…look out there (points to fan girl crowd)

TailsCream fan girls: (creating a bonfire, burning certificate and rings)

Cosmo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Cream: Success! I can now take him back…

TailsCosmo fan girls: (charge at TailsCream fan girls, cry for blood)

Jill: This fan girl war gets crazier and crazier…anyways, let's get to some huge reviews…

 _I'm back! This time, I want to get the characters I hate the most!_  
 _Sonic: I want Silver to steal your mojo for this chapter. (Like they did on Austin Powers)_  
 _Amy: Hit on all the girls. (Don't let her stop hitting on the girls until one of them kills her)_  
 _Cream: Take a microphone and scream as loud as you can at all the fangirls and fanboys. (With any luck, they'll kill her)_  
 _Charmy: You didn't do my dare in chapter 6 right! You were the one who was supposed to give Big a piggy back ride, so do it!_  
 _Metal Sonic: Let's see what happens when I do this. I want you to be thrown into the fangirls. Then, throw yourself into the fanboys._  
 _Big: Place yourself in the zoo and have them label your exhibit as "The most retarded animal ever"._  
 _Mephiles: You must end every sentence by laughing "Hee hee hee!" like a little girl. Everyone must be able to hear you, and you're not allowed to forget to say it, or else Tails will torture you!_  
 _Eggman: Infect yourself with the T-virus from Resident Evil while you're locked in a room with Cream, Amy, Sonic, and Charmy. (After he's done killing them, I guess Shadow will need to take out Eggman)_  
 _Gamma: Fight Metal Sonic in a winner-take-nothing match to the death. (After it's over, I want Tails to kill the winner without anybody knowing he did it)_  
 _Vector: Try to correctly answer this question, Mr. Detective. What is the difference between a duck? If you get it wrong, then you must eat yourself! (Don't tell Vector, but there is obviously no correct answer to the question)_  
 _Rouge: I want Omega to get rid of your ability to turn other people into vampires._  
 _I feel so much better knowing that I've caused suffering for the characters I hate the most! I'll need to get the rest of you later! (Evil laughter)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Silver: (freezes Sonic in place with his powers)(pulls out a syringe and approaches Sonic)

Sonic: NOOOOOOOOOOO….

-Later-

Silver: Hey ladies!

Fan girls: (screaming for Silver)

Silver: (starts break dancing)

Fan girls: (screaming even louder)

Sonic: (crying)

Amy: Hey! Do any of you girls want a good time? (does a sexy position)

Cream: (edging away) No…get away from us…

Amy: Come on, I know all of you want me!

Rouge: (rolls eyes) When will you stop annoying us?

Amy: Never! Maybe it's something I should be spanked for!

Blaze: That's it! We've had enough of you! (sets Amy on fire)

Amy: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! (is roasted to death)

Cream: (grabs microphone) YAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Fans: (storm the stage, take Cream)Cream: Help! (is taken off by angry mob, burned at the stake)

Jack: Oh! It was supposed to be Big riding Charmy, not Charmy riding Big!

Big: Uhhhhh…..yay! Piggy back ride! (crushes Charmy…again)

Jack: (kicks Metal Sonic into fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (make Metal Sonic do things one would never imagine a machine doing)

Metal Sonic: (crawls out of fan girl pit) Not good. (falls into fan boy pit)

Fan boys: (tear Metal Sonic apart, auction his parts off)

Jill: Let's do this! (takes Big on a car trip to get "ice cream")

-At the zoo-

Jill: Here is the most retarded animal ever! He never has a clear idea of what's going on, and only knows how to fish!

Big: Uhhhh…duhhhhhh…

-Back on stage-

Mephiles:…Fine. Hee hee hee!

Shadow: (laughing his ass off)

Mephiles: (bleep) you! Hee hee hee!

Jack: Alright, Dr. Eggman. Let's test out this virus on you! (stabs him with a syringe with T-virus)(shoves him into closet with Cream, Amy, Sonic, and Charmy)

Eggman: I don't feel too good…uhhhhhhh…(sounds of shrieking, carnage heard inside closet)

Shadow: (grabs a flamethrower)(burns down Eggman to a crisp) Zombie killing is fun!

Metal Sonic: (beats the crap out of Gamma) I win.

Tails: (secretly sends out a magnetic pulse on a remote) Hehehe…

Metal Sonic: (blows up)

Vector: Between a duck and what?

Jack: WRONG! Now eat!

Vector: (starts chewing self) AH! This really hurts…(dies from bleeding)

Omega: (shoves garlic down Rouge's throat)

Rouge: Nooooooooo….(dies)

Jack: Crap! It looks like we can't get rid of those powers without killing her!

Jill: Well, I'm happy either way!

Jack: Let's head to another review…

 _Oh boy, wait till Vanilla find's out!_  
 _Q: Now that your going to be a mother Cream, what are you going to name him/her?_  
 _Dare: I dare everyone (Not Cream because she's going to be a mother) to kill WWE 'SuperStar' (yeah right!) Eage._  
 _Dare: I dare the FANGIRL's (OMG someone's actuly daring them :O) To go the hole chapter with out getting into a war!_  
 _Dare: I dare Shadow to act like Sonic, and Sonic to act like Shadow for the hole chapter._  
 _-Toko the Pikmin master_

Vanilla: (glares at Cream) Find out about what?

Cream: (looks around nervously) Um…several chapters ago, Tails knocked me up!

Vanilla: WHAT?! I'LL CUT HIS (bleep)ING BALLS OFF FOR TOUCHING MY DAUGHTER! (charges at Tails)

Tails: (runs)

Cream: Well, Jack got me on Juno, so I'm not a mother, but I was going to name it…Sugar!

Jack: That makes sense…I guess…

Jill: Eage? Who the hell is Eage?

Jack: Do you mean Edge? That's who I will assume you're talking about!

Everyone: (goes to arena, charges at Edge)(slaughters him, making the arena a rather bloody place)

-Back on stage-

Jack: THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! It would take a war to end that war!

Jill: Well, we have to try…(pulls out megaphone) FAN GIRLS! YOU WILL LOSE ALL CHANCES OF SEEING YOUR FAVORITE BISHIES UNLESS YOU STOP WARRING!

Fan girls: (immediately stop fighting)

Jack: Good. Thankfully it's only for this chapter…otherwise, there wouldn't be much suffering for the Sonic characters!

Sonic: (starts smoking)(sighs) What's the point of everything?

Shadow: (starts skateboarding) Haha! Now I get to show off my skills to you posers!

Jill: Moving on…

 _I got Questions and Dares SO DARES FIRST QUESTIONS LATER_  
 _Tails and Rouge You off the hook_  
 _Charmy: You must go and Face the Fire Nation I Meant the WHOLE ARMY Inculding Zuko, Fire Loard OZU and Azula_  
 _Shadow: GO and Face Hurricane Dolly and see who is the Utlament Life Form You or Hurricane Dolly_  
 _Knuckals Go to Central Florida University and Study there_  
 _Tikal Force Big go to George Washington Universty to Study there too._  
 _Sonic I want you become Amy Lover for 4 TUrns_  
 _Vector I want you become ROuge Vampire Slave for 4 TUrns_  
 _Eggman I want you go and Face Stone Cold Shark Boy in a match_  
 _Espio Help Tails contorl Cream_  
 _Cosmo Since Tails is contorling Cream and you can too Help Tails to Contorl Cream by making her do anything you two want_  
 _Blaze; Admit that Typhoon Cat is your Twin Brother (My OC)_  
 _Sliver: Beat up Memphes and you can Have Mr. T to help you._  
 _Metal Sonic Face Chuck Norris, Jet Li, Jackie Chain and Wesney Snipes_  
 _Knuckals When you come back smart Make out with Rouge_  
 _Tails well Just this once Get a Blue Dress with Matching slip on shoes and make out with my (Last one then you are free form my dares) (OC Fan Typhoon Cat)_  
 _Rouge since you got hummated in the Cleen up dare I dare you get back at the Jantor by Beating him up for the hummating mess that you got in._  
 _Espio I Dare you be Rape by Seymore Cheesee or Big Chessee form Samiura Pizza Cat while he wereing his DressQuestions_  
 _Sonic do you and Bugs Bunnie go to the same school for Dressing up in a Dress?_  
 _Shadow: How many guns you owned man you GUn Maniacat like the Punsher_  
 _Knuckals: Who will win a Stornger man Constes you, Mark Henry or the Tick?_  
 _Tails: Witch of the 5 Girls you will Chose A. Cream B. Cosmo. C. Fonia D. Marina Raccoon or E. ALL of them?_  
 _Eggman: WHy you keep trying to take over the world even Sonic stop you You need to give up before you become like Big Chessee form Samiura Pizza Cats_  
 _Big: Fishing is the best sport you do, DO you do any Sports expect Fishing?_  
 _Vector Did you went to school to get a Decetive Dergee?_  
 _Blaze if Typhoon Cat become your brother will he become a Prince of your land too and compet with you for the crown._  
 _To all Sonic Heros WHO IS THE MOST CROSSDRESS IN THE WORLD it say that Sonic and Tails are tied for Being the Most crossdresser so who you all pick?_  
 _Well Bye and singing off_  
 _-Charles Roberts_

Jack: Holy crap, that review alone took up two whole pages on my documents file!

Rouge: Hooray!

Tails: Thanks! That's one less problem to deal with! (looks nervously at Vanilla)

Jack: Oh snap! From Avatar?

Charmy: What is the Fire Nation?

Jill: Let me just say this…you're about to die! (sends Charmy to Fire Nation)

Charmy: (looks at army)(gulps)

Zuko: (sets Charmy on fire)

Charmy: AHHHHHHHHHH! (dies)

Shadow: Sure thing! (rides off on his skateboard)

Knuckles: AUGH! Why do I have to keep going to intelligent places?

Jack: So you can fail in them horribly! That's the same reason Big is going to college!

Tikal: I'm taking you guys, so let's go! (drives them both off to their universities)

-Meanwhile-

Shadow: Die, Hurricane Dolly! (gets smashed by wind into a building) OW! (hits another building) OW! (and the match quickly becomes one-sided…)

-Back on stage-

Sonic: (gulps) What do you mean by turns?

Jack: I'll just assume the reviewer means for the rest of this chapter!

Amy: (glomps Sonic) Yes! Let's go at it, lover boy! (drags him into the closet)

Jack: (revives Vector) Ok, now you have to be bitten by Rouge again!

Rouge: (rolls eyes) Fine. (bites Vector) Alright, now get me some jewels! Now!

Vector: (walks off)

Jill: I thought we cured you of stealing through rehab!

Rouge: (grinning) That doesn't prevent him from stealing!

Eggman: I'm going to lose, aren't I?

Jack: Yep! (shoves Eggman into arena)

SCSB: (tackles Eggman, starts punching Eggman in the face a million times)

Eggman: Ow! Can you stop for a second? Ow!

Espio: Controlling her? Okay…(puts Cream under hypnosis)

Tails: Alright! Now, go into the closet and beat the crap out of Sonic and Amy!

Cream: (barges into closet)

Sonic: Holy (bleep)! Don't you see we're in the middle of something here and-(punches are heard) AH! STOP THAT! OW!

Amy: Oh, you're soooo paying for tha-(punch) OW!

Cream: (comes out of closet with blood on her fists)

Cosmo: Now kill yourself!

Cream: (jumps into swimming pool, drowns)

Blaze: Ummm…sure…

Jack: (whacks Blaze on the head with a "No OCs" sign) Damn it, Blaze!

Silver: Finally! You'll get karma for lying to me!

Mephiles: I didn't really lie…in a way, Sonic did cause Iblis by dying! Hee hee hee!

Mr. T: (jumps on stage) Die, fool!

Silver: (holds Mephiles in place with his powers while Mr. T punches Mephiles)

Fan girls: (cheering)

Mephiles: Damn you! Hee hee hee!

Jack: (throws Metal Sonic into arena just as Eggman exits crying) See ya, sucker!

Metal Sonic: (do I even have to say the obvious result of this fight? Chuck Norris alone could totally wipe the floor with Metal Sonic!)

Tikal: (drives back to stage with Big and Knuckles) Okay…so while Big obviously failed at George Washington, Knuckles actually got a degree in Florida!

Jill: Whoa! How did you do that?

Knuckles: Well…bribing the college board with the Master Emerald helped a lot!

Jack: Aren't you supposed to protect it, though?

Knuckles:…(slaps forehead) DAMN IT!

Rouge: Oh well…(makes out with him)

Knuckles: Thanks…but now I have to rescue the Master Emerald again! (runs off

Tails: (puts on dress and shoes) I wear the clothes, but I'm not making out with the OC!

Jill: Then you will have to make out with…Eggman!

Tails and Eggman: (make out, then throw up)

Janitor: Too much kissing….damn kids…(cleans up mess)

Rouge: Not so fast! (tackles the Janitor, starts clawing and kicking him) Hah!

Janitor: Uhhhhhhhhhnnnnn….

Seymour Cheese: (runs on stage in a dress, grabs Espio) Hey, you ready for some FUN?!

Espio: NOOOO! PLEASE! (is dragged into closet while Sonic and Amy are kicked out) YAHHHHHHHHH! THAT REALLY HURTS MY-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Sonic: (bleep) NO! That's Tails you're talking about!

Tails: I do not! All of these reviewers are making me cross-dress!

Sonic: I don't know. You seem to get your dresses on awful fast…

Tails: So do you!

Sonic: I'm the fastest hedgehog in the world! What do you expect?

Jill: Let's stop right there! The cross-dressing debate isn't for another several dares!

Shadow: (back from the hurricane) I don't know…let's see here…(starts counting guns) there's Jeff and Slly and Lisa and Mark and David and….(keeps counting)

Jack: The Tick? I'm assuming you mean the superhero…

-At the arena-

Knuckles: Yes! I got the Master Emerald! (looks around, sees Mark(is it a c or a k?) Henry and The Tick) OH (bleep)!

Tick: Spoooooooon!

Mark Henry: (just sits on both of them, crushing them) I think I'm the winner…

Tick: Not…enough…drama!

-Back on stage-

Shadow: (still counting guns)…and Billy and Charlie and Amanda and Julie and Patrick and…

Tails: (grins) I still don't know who this Fonia is, but definitely E!

Jack: (applauding) Woot! He's made the smart choice! But, that's to be expected!

Eggman: Why NOT take over the world? Seriously…

Jack: We agree with this reviewer! Again, you need a career change!

Eggman: (crosses arms) No!

Big: Uhhhhhhh…I don't think so…

Jill: He only did football in that one chapter and that's it!

Vector: You mean a detective degree, and yes!

Blaze: Um…(looks nervously at Jack holding "No OCs" sign) I'm not at liberty to disclose that information…

Jill: Now, who cross-dresses more: Sonic or Tails?

Rouge: For this fic, it's definitely been Tails. But outside of it…

Shadow: (still counting)…and Sammy and Joseph and Meredith and Max and…

Sonic: Tails!

Tails: Sonic!

Amy: Sonic!

Knuckles: Tails.

Eggman: Sonic.

Everyone else: Tails!

Tails: Damn it!

Jack: So it's decided that Tails cross-dresses the most! Now to our anonymous review…

 _i'm back!_  
 _Sonic: Go to san andreas and become a member of groove street._  
 _Shadow: Have sex with Cream (let Tails watch)_  
 _Tails: Kill Shadow if you see him doing something you don't like_  
 _Silver: Go to WWE and face The Great Khali_  
 _Amy: Throw yourself into the Fanboys and have them rape you._  
 _Blaze: I dare you to go into a world full of zombies and fight them._  
 _Knuckles: Go to Mortal Kombat and fight Shao Khan_  
 _Cream: I actually like you alot! so here's 20,0 dollars and a plane ticket to the Carribean, go have a good time!_  
 _-Tylerboy593_

Jack: Nice! From Grand Theft Auto! This is going to be fun to watch…

-In San Andreas-

Sonic: Well, I've taken up smoking for this chapter, so I've got cigarettes to offer!

CJ: He's in!

-Later-

Sonic: (spraying graffiti on a wall) Hehehe…(starts coughing) Uggghhh…I don't think these fumes were meant for hedgehogs…(collapses)(is taken by cops)

-At police station-

Sonic: (in handcuffs) You cayunt do dis to me! I'mb gon get oudda heya soon, and who'd be laffin den? ME! (Yes, I have trouble understanding that sentence also)

-Back on stage-

Amy: Hah! That's karma in action for Sonic!

Shadow: I did it! I finished counting! I have 646,782,347 guns!

Jack: The NRA is proud of you! Anyways, get to your dare…

Shadow: (grins) Sure thing! (skateboards over to Cream) Hey, want to see some of my moves? (points to closet)

Cream: Well, I do want to get Tails jealous for me again…so sure! (goes into closet with Shadow)

Jack: Oh! Hey Tails, would you mind going in the closet to get us some props for our upcoming dares?

Tails: No problem. And I'll keep that comment on Shadow in mind. (heads into closet) OH MY GOD!

Shadow: IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK! We're just…exercising…without her clothes on…

Jack: Wow. When acting as Sonic, Shadow's already acquired his stupidity!

Tails: That's it! (pulls out a chainsaw) Time to make this place a little cheerier! (approaches Shadow)

Shadow: AAAUUUGGGHHH! (is killed)

Silver: Everyone wants to see me beat up! (starts crying)(goes to WWE)

Fan girls: (feeling sorry for him)

Silver: (gets punched by Khali, is knocked out almost immediately)

Jack: Well…Silver sucks at physical fighting!

Amy: This sucks…and Sonic's not here to save me either! (jumps into fan boy pit)

Fan boys: Feeeeemaaaaaleeeee…(grab Amy while drooling) (have sex with her in a lot of ways not thought to be possible)

Blaze: Cool! (goes to a graveyard) Heeeere, zombies…

Zombies: (come out of ground, walk to her)

Blaze: (turns into Burning Blaze) This place is too cold…(sets everything on fire…again) HA! I totally won that fight!

-Back on stage-

Jack: Again…you're too addicted to fire, Blaze!

Blaze: (glares)

Knuckles: Who's Shao Kahn?

Jill: The evil guy! (sends Knuckles to Outworld)

Shao Kahn: You will die for trespassing! (starts an epic battle against Knuckles)

Knuckles: (does his three-punch attack, misses, gets stabbed from behind and has his soul ripped out)

Cream: That was bloody…but thanks for the Caribbean trip! But before I go…(walks up to Tails)

Tails: What is it that you want?

Cream: I made some cookies for you! (gives him a cookie)

Tails: Um…okay…(eats cookie) I'm feeling kind of woozy…(instantly collapses)

Cream: (shoves Tails into a giant suitcase, heads to airport)

Jack: Again…karma! This time, for Chapter 11!

Cosmo: Has anyone seen Tails?

Jill: Hey, now the chapter's over!

Fan girls: (immediately start warring again)

Nothing to say here…


	27. Run! It's Yaoi fan girls!

Run! It's Yaoi fan girls!

Again, I have to explain…it's going to take me a while to get to reviews being posted right now! There were a ton of reviews for the previous ten chapters that I have to sort through before I can get to those posted more recently! It's kind of like Disneyworld, where all of the awesome rides have long lines! This fic is an awesome ride, but has a long line before we can get to your review! If you want to see how long the line is, look at the reviews list! Despite 26 chapters, I'm still only halfway through the list!

Sonic: (shudders)

Jill: What is it? We got you out of jail!

Sonic: I'm just still remembering from a couple of chapters ago when those yaoi fan girls made me (bleep) my best friend! (shudders again) Where do they come up with these ideas?

Jill: I'll show you! (gives Sonic a laptop set on Sonic yaoi fanfictions) Just read these!

-Later-

Sonic: (in corner, fetal position) Find my happy place…find my happy place…

Jill: (holds up a Sonic plushie to Sonic's face) Now, point to where the yaoi fan girls touched you…

Jack: Wow…that's kind of evil, Jill…let's get started on our work today…

 _I feel like being evil today._  
 _Have Sonic and Silver touture Shadow with watever they want._  
 _Then have Blaze kill Mephiles for however many times she wants to._  
 _P.S. Silver rocks!_  
 _Yours truly,_  
 _-Burn the Dragon_

Silver: I know the perfect thing to torture him with…plushies! (holds up plushies toward Shadow)

Shadow: (backing away) Get those damn dolls away from me!

Sonic: (walks up behind Shadow holding up a plushie) You can't escape them…

Shadow: (turns around, notices plushie) AAHH! (fetal position) Maria!

Blaze: Sweet vengeance! (grabs Mephiles, drops him into a volcano)

Mephiles: AAAAAHHHHH! (is burned to death)

Jill: Continuing on…

 _Sonic & Amy switch genders and have sex until both dies._  
 _Rouge gets pregnant, her belly button is a fart bomb detonator if someone touches it kills everyone on the stage ( even fangirls & boys) execpt you & Jill. Thn destroy her with a rabid Jill, Tikal, Blaze & Amy_  
 _Shadow, Silver & Sonic have to take a ride to the Island Of Sodor with Thomas & Friends for the rest of the chapter._  
 _-Static The Electric Hedghog_

Jack: Gender switching? That's a new one! AUTHOR POWERS! (switches Sonic and Amy's genders)

Amos: I feel so horny right now!

Sonia: Let's do this, baby…besides, the guys seem to be looking at me! (goes into closet with Amos)

Rouge: Oh, and Knuckles…remember when we had sex in chapter 22? Well, I'm pregnant!

Knuckles: (bleep)! I'm not much of a father to look forward to! (feels Rouge's stomach, touches belly button) (BOOM)

Jack: (covered in soot) That was strange…(revives everyone, switches back Sonic and Amy's genders)

Amy: What happened? I remember getting a heart attack from so much sex…

Sonic: Hey! I also got one!

Jack: (rolls eyes) Just move on already!

Ladies: (attack Rouge, drag her off to river with wet cement buckets in hand)

Jack: Mafia-style! Nice! Now to the next dare…(teleports Sonic, Silver, and Shadow)

-At Island of Sodor-

Sonic: I'm…so…bored…(dies of boredom)

Silver: I can't last much longer…(also dies of boredom)

Thomas: It'll be okay!

Shadow: (bleep). THIS. (bleep)! (pulls out guns, shoots everything that moves)

-Later-

Shadow: (blows up island) HA! NOW I WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS (bleep)! (walks off)

-Back on stage-

Jack: Huzzah! That's the second time Shadow's blown up an island!

Jill: At least that we know of. Now to our anonymous reviews…

 _nice job 10/10_  
 _dares_  
 _tails, cream: last time you heard from me, got a 20 star wanted level, RUN._  
 _charmy: take a smg and go crazy._  
 _espio: black mail vector with the location to the computer room(only to say"up your (bleep)" when your done)_  
 _everone else: 007 top agent battle to the death(5 lifes each) winner will not be raped by fan girls/boys_  
 _-fat guy_

Cream: (returns from the Caribbean with Tails)

Jill: How was your trip?

Cream: (grinning) It was GREAT!

Tails: (blank stare) The whole time, I was tied up to my bed in the hotel room, and at when she came into the room at night, she would do…things…to me…(shudders)

Jack: Now I should probably tell you that the cops are on their way for your earlier bank robberies!

Tails: OH (bleep)! (grabs cigar and gangster suit, drives off in an old Ford with Cream)

Cops: (have an "epic" car chase that results in Tails crashing into a tree, landing both him and Cream in jail)

Charmy: (takes submachine gun) Die! (goes to the prison, kills Tails and Cream, then dies in a bloody shootout with the cops)

Jack: (revives them on stage) Charmy is not safe with guns…

Vector: (gives Rouge some jewels) What do I have to do now?

Espio: I know where the computer room is, but I won't tell you until you get me some cookies!

Vector: What?

Espio: You heard me! Now get them!

Vector: (heads to bakery, gets cookies)

Espio: Thanks! Now the computer room is…up your ass!

Vector: (gives the finger to Espio)

Jack: I might as well say…we actually played out this battle! I invited some friends over, we played my 007 game, and set up a "tournament" where we named our players after Sonic characters and fought it out!

Jill: But that doesn't prevent us from setting up the real situation! (sends everyone into top agent round in Jack's 007 game)(hands them all rocket launchers) Fun, fun , and fun! (watches battle)

-Later-

Amy: I won!

Jack: This actually happened in the "tournament"! I know, I was amazed too!

Jill: I cheered when Eggman and Sonic blew each other up, and I loved the part where Silver was simultaneously killed by Blaze, Shadow, and Knuckles!

Jack: (revives everyone)(throws them all (except Amy) to fans)

Fan girls/boys: (screaming)(drag off Sonic characters)

Jack: (revives everyone...again) But sadly, there won't be any more blowing up for the rest of the chapter…

 _I dare Cream and Charmy to act married and treat Tails as their daughter. (Tails has to dress as a baby girl for it!)_  
 _-Anonymous_

Charmy: Hi honey!

Cream: Hello. How's our baby doing?

Tails: (in a dress, muttering) I can't believe I have to do this sh-(looks up) OH! WAH! WAH!

Jill: (waves a finger at Tails) You just barely missed getting a bleep over that word…

Jack: Well, Tails won't suffer so much in this next dare…

 _Make Tails discover his meat eating side!_  
 _-anon_

Tails: No way! I'm a vegetarian!

Jack: That's IMPOSSIBLE! Foxes are carnivores!

Tails:…Really? But then…I would be suffering from malnutrition-(suddenly faints)

Jill: I knew it! Let's get him some meat, quickly!

Jack: (shoves a steak down Tails' throat)

Tails: (wakes up)(starts gagging)

Jack: Damn it! Now he's choking! Who knows the Heimlich maneuver?

Eggman: I know it! (grabs Tails from behind)(starts Heimlich maneuver)

Shadow: (laughing) Ha! It looks like he's humping Tails!

Eggman: (realizes this) Dude! (backs away) I'm not doing that now!

Tails: (chokes to death)

Jack: (revives Tails) Well, I guess I wrong about him not suffering as much with this…

Tails: (glares) Well, I kind of liked the meat…GIVE ME SOME MORE! (goes rabid with hunger)(goes on a carnivorous rampage)

-Later-

Jack: (holds out a hot poking iron) Back, you beast! Back!

Tails: ROAR! (lunges at everyone remaining)

Jill: (knocks out Tails with a frying pan) His carnivorous side is almost as bad as the werehog!

Sonic: The what?

Jack:…You'll find out this Christmas! Anyways…

 _I dare all the guys to dress as cheerleaders and do a sexy cheer for the girls. And then make out with each other._  
 _-Nobody_

Jill: (puts the guys in cheerleading outfits) Let's go!

Guys: Go, ladies, go! Go, ladies go! (make a pyramid)

Blaze: (laughing) Hey! All of your skirts are flapping up in the wind!

Guys: (all go red in the face)(pyramid collapses)

Jill: (hypnotizes all of the guys into making out with each other)

Fan girls: (catcalling, begging to see more from all of the guys)

Jack: Not today, yaoi fan girls! We've got more of your dares to do…

 _Please make Tails get married to Sonic. (With Tails as the blushing bride, of course!) Thank you!_  
 _-Fangirl 1_

Knuckles: (out of hypnosis) Ugh…I feel terrible…(vomits)

All other guys: (also vomit)

Janitor: (cleans up mess while threatening to cut off all of the guys' balls)

Jill: Now let's get the wedding bells under way! (takes Sonic and Tails to a wedding…their own! With some special guests…)

Yaoi fan girls: (take up entire audience)

Jill: (drops Sonic and Tails off) See ya, suckers! (ditches them)

Sonic and Tails: AHHHHHHH! (are dragged to altar by yaoi fan girls)

Minister: (also a yaoi fan girl) I now ask this bishie and that bishie to join hands in marriage…

-Later-

Minister: For the sake of yaoi-dom, will you two bishies take each other?

Sonic and Tails: (look nervously at all of the yaoi fan girls, who are holding an assortment of weapons that would bring slow, painful deaths) We do!

Yaoi fan girls: (screaming)(take Sonic and Tails to their "honeymoon")

Sonic: OH MY GOD! NOT AGAIN!

-Back on stage-

Jill: Tails isn't the only one the yaoi fan girls are using Sonic on…

 _Make Sonic and Shadow make sweet smexy love in graphic detail. Thanx._  
 _-ANYBODY_

Jack: Sorry, but I can't do this in graphic detail! 1) This fic T rated, not M rated! And 2) I would probably suck at describing sex scenes, especially yaoi sex scenes!

Jill: Let's just get Sonic already! He has to cheat on his bitch!

-Later-

Jill: (throws Shadow to yaoi fan girls holding Sonic) Here you go!

Shadow: YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS AND-AHHHHHHHHHH!

Jack: (blank stare) Wow…This was not a good chapter to be a guy in!

Jill: I know! That's because girls rock!

I know that was a long note at the beginning, but I had to explain things!


	28. Jack loves killing Amy!

Jack loves killing Amy!

Jill: OMG! OMG!

Jack: What is it?

Jill: I just realized something…this fic is over 50000 words long now! And over 9000 hits!

Jack: Whoa…have we done that much already? (his world view is shaken)

Jill: Are you back to normal yet from what happened in Super Dragon's fic?

Jack: No…when Rouge gave me the fan girl grip of doom on Super Dragon's fic…I knew…she had switched bodies with Amy! (shudders)

Amy: It's not exactly as if I wanted to have sex either!

Jack: But you ruined my sexy night! (shoots Amy)

Knuckles: Hey, but at least now we know that it costs one Chaos Emerald, or twenty bucks, for a night of fun with Rouge!

Rouge: Just because I wear this hot outfit doesn't make me a hooker!

Jill: (coughs) Yeah right!

Rouge: (glares) I'm not a hooker!

Everyone: YES YOU ARE!

Rouge: Shut up! (slaps everyone)

Tikal: Ow! Why did you slap me twice?

Rouge: Because you're trying to take Knuckles from me!

Tikal: I'll have you know-

Jill: (yells) LET'S JUST GET THIS (bleep)ING SHOW STARTED ALREADY! (everyone shuts up) Thank you. Now to a review from the writer Super Dragon himself…

 _I gotta say, there's nothing like sweet, personal vengeance on the characters you hate. Now, I must get the rest of you._  
 _Shadow: Have him read a book titled "How not to be an emo"._  
 _Tails: Because I like you so much, I want you kill Sonic and Charmy however you want each time they talk for the rest of this chapter. (Don't tell Sonic or Charmy about this dare)_  
 _Espio: You must act like Sherlock Holmes for the rest of this chapter._  
 _Cosmo: Soak up an ocean, and then beat Cream to a pulp._  
 _Silver: You must lounge around and do nothing so that you get out of shape and become slow again!_  
 _Omega: Tell Amy that she should "wear a bag so that no one will have to look at her hideous face"._  
 _Froggy: I haven't seen this happen to you yet, so I want you to be thrown to the fangirls, and then to the fanboys._  
 _Chaos: Since Chaos is made of water, I want Blaze to burn him until he evaporates._  
 _Blaze: You must be shipped off to Antarctica for 3 days, where it is VERY cold!_  
 _Tikal: I don't think this has happened yet between two girls, so I want the Yuri fans to get Tikal to impregnate Rouge! Afterwards, she must tell her father about it!_  
 _Knuckles: I want Knuckles to meet his parents. (I wonder what they would say if they found out that their son was an idiot)_  
 _Being this cruel has never felt so great! I'll be sure to be back later for more suffering! (Evil laughter)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jack: To your first statement…Indeed! (revives Amy, then shoots her again)

Sonic: Dude…I think you're just venting all of your anger out on Amy!

Jack: No I'm not! (angrily revives and shoots Amy again)(points gun at Sonic) Violence…a great method for solving disputes!

Sonic: (backs away) Okay, you're not taking out your anger on Amy!

Jill: We're getting off track here…(hands book to Shadow)

Shadow: (reading book) What? Oh, that's so easy for them to say…(continues grumbling)

Tails: Thanks! (holds a dagger behind his back grinning) Hey Charmy…

Charmy: What is it? (gets stabbed by Tails) AHHHHHH! (dies)

Espio: (pulls out magnifying glass) Hmm…okay then.

Cosmo: Finally! I get to kill her now! (heads to Atlantic Ocean, sucks it all up)

-At Iceland-

Scientist: (notices the ocean is dried up) HOLY (bleep)! I didn't think global warming would get that bad!

Cosmo: (storms back to stage gigantic)

Cream: Look! It's the Jolly Green Giant!…Oh wait, it's Cosmo…

Cosmo: DIE! (crushes Cream, starts beating her up)

TailsCream fan girls: KILL THE BEAST! (charge, have an epic battle against Cosmo)

Jack: Have you ever seen those movies of giant monsters rampaging through cities? This is exactly like that!

TailsCream fan girls: (trip Cosmo with steel cables, shoot the crap out of her until she is killed)

Silver: (sits on a couch) Fine…(starts having lots of chips and pop)

Omega: (walks up to Amy) Amy. You should wear a paper bag so that no one will have to look at your hideous face.

Jack: (laughing)

Amy: WHAT?! You'll pay for that comment! (pulls out her hammer, beats the (bleep) out of Omega) And now for the laugher…(charges at Jack)

Jack: Oh (bleep)! (runs off stage with Amy chasing him) CRAZY FAN GIRL ALERT! RUN AS FAR AWAY AS YOU CAN!

Jill: Since he's running for his life, I'll run things around here for a bit! (throws Froggy to the fan girls)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: DAAAMMMNNNN YOOOOUUUUU!)

Fan girls: OMG! HE'S SO CUUUUUUUTE! (grab Froggy, take him to fan girl plushie collection room, and throw him in)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: AH! I'm covered in plushies! Is there a worse fate?)

Fan boys: (barge in)

Fan boy 1: Damn it, this is just their plushie room! We thought they'd be hiding one of the Sonic characters in here!

Froggy: (gulps)

Fan boy 2: Hey! There's one! Let's get him!

Fan boys: (grab Froggy, pour salt on him)

Froggy: RIBBIT! (Translation: Unfortunately, there is no word in the English language to describe what pain Froggy is going through)

Blaze: Let's go, water boy! (shoves Chaos into a cooking pot, lights a campfire underneath)

Chaos: RAAAAAAaaaawwwrrrrrr….(evaporates)

Tikal: But who will protect the Chao?

Shadow: It's survival of the fittest for them!

Chao: (start brutally murdering each other)

Blaze: (bleep)! (heads to Antarctica)

-At South Pole-

Blaze: (bleep) this (bleep)ing snow! And all the other (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep)! (notices some nearby penguins) Hmm…(licks lips)

Penguins: (all roasted over a fire)

Blaze: (starts chowing down on penguin meat) YUM! I LOVE THIS (bleep)! (notices a truck suddenly stop by her)(environmentalists bail out of there)

Environmentalists: Hey! Killing penguins is illegal!

Blaze: What about it? I'm hungry! (gets arrested by environmentalists) Damn you (bleep)heads! (is taken to jail)

-Back on stage-

Jill: Wow…we've landed so many of the Sonic characters in jail!

Jack: (runs onto stage) Phew…thankfully, Amy stopped at the nearby plushie store…

Tikal: Whoa! How am I supposed to impregnate her? I don't have a (bleep)!

Jack: It all has to do with the yuri fan boy powers…(summons yuri fan boys) These two…(points to Tikal and Rouge) want to steam things up with each other!

Yuri fan boys: (drooling)

Rouge: No we don't!

Yuri fan boys: (not listening)(grab both Rouge and Tikal, take them into the closet)

Jack: All right, Knuckles, you have to go to a far away land and find your parents!

-At unknown far away land-

Kncukles: MOMMY! DADDY! (hugs them both)

Knuckles' mom: Umm…you're 21, right? Are you still supposed to call us mommy and daddy?

Knuckles: (not listening) I've learned so much! Like, B goes after A!

Knuckles' dad: (sighs) It seems that our son's an idiot…

Knuckles: (starts crying) YOU'RE MEEEEEAAAAAN! (runs off)

-Back on stage-

Rouge and Tikal: (come out of closet with yuri fan boys)

Rouge: That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be…but I didn't like having to sleep with my enemy!

Jill: And you won't like the result of it either…(hands Rouge a pregnancy test)

Rouge: What?…Aw (bleep)!

-At Rouge's house-

Rouge: Um…dad…I'm pregnant…

Rouge's dad: WHAT?! WHO DID IT?! WAS IT THAT IDIOTIC ECHIDNA?! OR THAT EMO HEDGEHOG?! TELL ME!

Rouge: It was…Tikal.

Rouge's dad:…(scratches head in confusion)

-Back on stage-

Jill: That was awkward.

Jack: Let's get going! (sends Tikal and Rouge to Juno)

Silver: (waddles onto stage) Ugh…I weigh so much now.

Jack: (does Fat Albert voice) Hey hey hey!

Silver: (glares)

Jill: Let's do all of the anonymous reviews we have this chapter…

 _Shadow: dress up as Maria- DO NOT GET ALL EMO!- and shove a (bleep) up your (bleep) for the rest of the chapter. And enjoy it._  
 _-Noone_

Shadow: Damn it! I thought the cross-dressing dares for me had gone away for good!

Jill: (hands over dress and lady…toy) Apparently not.

Shadow: (puts on dress, shoves "toy" up where the sun doesn't shine)

Jill: (hypnotizes Shadow into liking it)

Shadow: Aaaaahhhh…

Sonic: (laughing) I missed Shadow cross-dressing…AH! (is stabbed to death by Tails)

Jack: And now Tails gets to continue his bloodlust…

 _Tails: get rid of one being (born or unborn) of your choice._  
 _-M_

Tails: Well, Cream is no longer pregnant, so…(stabs and kills Eggman) Goodbye, annoyance!

Jack: (applauds) A wise choice! But, now you have to confront yaoi again…

 _Amy: become the world's greatest yaoi fan and get creative with Tails and Knuckles._  
 _-fangirl 1_

Amy: (comes back from plushie shop) Oh boy! But…how do I become the greatest yaoi fan?

Jill: (hands Amy a laptop set to what Sonic had to read last chapter) Just read these…

-Later-

Knuckles: (runs back on stage) I hate my parents!

Jack: Don't we all sometimes…but you've got a dare to do!

Amy: Come with me, Knuckie! (grabs Knuckles and Tails, drags them into closet with her fan girl grip of doom)

Knuckles: (from inside closet) We have to do WHAT?!

-Later-

Amy: (prances out of closet with a very depressed Tails and Knuckles) I pulled it off! What next?

Jack: (revives Sonic) Here's what you have to do now…

 _Amy, turn Sonic and Tails into your sissy sex slaves and make them jerk each other off._  
 _-I_

Amy: (jumping up and down) OMG! OMG! I'm such a big Sonic/Tails yaoi fan girl!

Sonic: You've got to be kidding me! (is stabbed by Tails, then revived)

Tails: You think it's bad for you?! The yaoi fan girls are always making me the catcher! (shudders)

Amy: (puts collars attached to chains on both of their necks) Let's go, sex slaves! (drags them into closet with chains) Now, you have to (bleep)(bleep)(bleep) each other! YAY!

Tails: Well, at least I'm not catching this time…(still shudders)

-A few awkward minutes later-

Amy: (skipping out of closet) I got Sonic and Tails to do each other! I can die happily…(starts fan girl fainting)

Jack: My pleasure! (shoots Amy again)

I know…it was a short chapter for such a long time to update! But, as you can obviously tell, I'm a very busy person in life!

Note: If you have any Christmas related ideas, and want to see them done around Christmas, send them in NOW! I'm NOT kidding! It's going to take two months to get through all of the reviews I have!


	29. Shadow can't stop killing

Shadow can't stop killing

I've got to stop partying so much…it gets in the way of this fic!

Espio: I'm still angry. I didn't like acting like Sherlock Holmes!

Jack: But you're a detective!

Espio: But I like acting more like…(does a side roll, then shoots with an imaginary pistol) Jack Bauer!

Jill: You mean from 24? (laughs)

Jack: Hey! If you woke up this morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life!

Jill:…True. (looks up on laptop) WHOOOOOAAAAA…you won't believe this!

Jack: What is it?

Jill: I was searching for random things on Google and I found…THIS FIC!

Jack: No way! On Google? (prances around happily) NO (bleep)ING WAY!

Jill: In light of this awesome news, let's get to the reviews…

 _Ok, now have Cream thrown to the TailsxCosmo fans!_  
 _-Pokelad_

Cosmo: Heehee! This is fun! (grabs Cream, chucks her off stage) See you in hell!

TailsCosmo fan girls: (charge at Cream with battle cries)

Cream: (screaming as she is dragged away)

Jack: That was simple to do…

 _hi!_  
 _oh, dares,right._  
 _sonic:you are free to do what ever you want to any character in this fic._  
 _shadow:(puts him on a sugar high,gives him every weapon known to man)do what you want._  
 _knuckles:go into the closet with jill_  
 _everyone that has a super form:SUPER FORM FIGHT!_  
 _MUAHAHAHAHAHA!MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _-Gunslinger 117_

Sonic: (grins) Well, I've feeling kind of horny so…my only problem is deciding whom!

Jill: (draws a wheel of "fortune") Here you go! All of the ladies' names are on here! Just spin the wheel and choose!

Sonic: (spins wheel, and it lands on…Cosmo) Whoa! I get to sleep with her? Interesting…

Cosmo: But I don't want to!

Jack: Too bad! (points a flamethrower at her) Now do it!

Cosmo: (goes into closet with Sonic)

Tails: Must…kill…

Jack: Hold back your killing urges for later…

Shadow: (gets hyper, accepts weapons) IT'S…KILLING TIME! (shoots everything in sight)

-Later-

Jack: (climbs out of rubble) How many times is this stage going to be destroyed?

Janitor: I'm the one who has to keep cleaning and rebuilding it…stupid (bleep)ing kids, with no respect…(starts rebuilding stage)

Shadow: In my defense, I love killing!

Knuckles: (looks nervously at Jill) I am sooooo (bleep)ed.

Jill: OMG! I 3 Knuckles! (If you don't know what she's talking about, turn your head 90 degrees clockwise)

Knuckles: (is dragged into closet as Sonic and Cosmo are kicked out) AHHHHHHH!

Cosmo: Heehee…for once, I had sex with someone besides Tails!

Tails: Stupid karma…just because I slept with Cream…(continues grumbling)

Jack: So, how was it?

Sonic: It was good! It felt so…natural. And dirty!

Jill: I think Super Dragon is going to call for blood for this happening…

Jack: (gives out Chaos Emeralds)

Everyone who can: (turns into super forms)

Jack: (schoolyard chanting) FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT…

Super Shadow: Chaos Blast! (blows everything up…yet again)

Everyone else: (perishes…with one exception)

Super Tails (or is it Turbo Tails?): Ha! My birds took the hit for me!

Super Shadow: Fine then. Chaos Spear! (stabs Super Tails, killing him)

-Later-

Jack: (revives everyone…again) We've had plenty of destruction already, and we're not even halfway through yet!

Jill: Let's get to the anonymous reviews, starting with two from the same reviewer that we decided to combine…

 _Hey got some great ideas._  
 _Have Sonic and Shadow go hyper mode (hyper is the stage past super) then fuse together into hyper Shadic. Jack is free to do whatever he wants with Shadic._  
 _Intro of the Tails doll. I think you know what to do with this guy._  
 _Have the Sonic CD Amy come and start a fight to the death with the current Amy for sonic. winner takes sonic to the closet._  
 _Mario & Amy in the closet._  
 _Sonic & Peach closet again._  
 _That's it for now more later_  
 _Also you can't have Mario and Sonic together without having a_  
 _Mario, Sonic, Link, and Samus deathmatch to be the greatest video game character of all time._  
 _-Samari45_

Jack: (gives powered up Chaos Emeralds to Sonic and Shadow, then fuses them)

Hyper Shadic: Fun! What do we do now?

Jack: Kill Eggman. Please!

Hyper Shadic:…Okay. (blows up Eggman, beats him up, sets him on fire, and gives Eggman a heart attack)

Everyone: Hooray!

Jill: (comes out of closet with Knuckles) That was boring! You have the ultimate super form here!

Jack: Fine. I order you to go out to all other anime worlds out there and kill every villain in them!

Hyper Shadic: That's more like it! (flies off)

-Later-

Hyper Shadic: It's done. They were still too easy!

Jack: I give up on ideas. (splits up Hyper Shadic) Let's just continue...

Jill: (brings in Tails Doll) Here he is…another robot!

Tails: (looks at Eggman) You seriously think that piece of junk could replace me? You're so unoriginal!

Eggman: Hey, I'm just trying to make an equal match for each of you!

Sonic: Equal? (laughs) Do you know how easy it is to kick Metal Sonic's ass?

Eggman: (glares)

Tails Doll: Hello.

Jill: (ducks behind some bushes) AUGH!

Jack: You don't really believe in that curse, do you?

Jill: YES I DO! If you play the Sonic R song backwards, you meet the Tails Doll in real life and he tries to take your soul…(fetal position)

Jack: (plays song backwards) I can't hear you!…Whatever. (fails to notice a nearby suspicious looking red light)

-Later-

Jack: Holy (bleep)! I'm never going to not listen to you again!

Jill: I told you so! The Tails Doll came out and tried to take your soul!

Jack: Thankfully, it's surprisingly killable! (laughs evilly)

Jill:…We'll see about that…

Jack: Alright! Here's the original, Rosy the Rascal! (brings her in)

Amy: Who's this bitch? Sonic's supposed to be saving me!

Rosy: Um…well, he saved me first!

Amy: ARE YOU THREATENING ME?!

Rosy: No, I-

Amy: YAAAAHHHH! (tackles Rosy, totally kills her)

Jack: Wow…Rosy was such a Mary-Sue! No wonder Amy killed her so easily!

Amy: Now I shall accept my trophy…(grabs Sonic by his tail, drags him into closet)

Sonic: Ow! Ow! You don't need to drag me in by my tail-Ow!

Mario and Peach: (come on stage)

Mario: (reads first dare) Yay! (reads second dare) Ohhhhhhh no…

Peach: I don't want my Mario touching that hedgehog! DO we have to?

Jack: Of course!

Sonic: (comes out of closet with Amy, notices Mario and Peach) What are they doing here?

Jill: Today…it's Wife Swap: Sonic Style! Except the spouses go a little further here than they do in the TV show…(shoves Mario and Amy into closet)

Sonic: Hold it right there! My rival's sleeping with my lover? That's crazy…

Jack: And hilarious! But don't worry, you get to have vengeance on him…

Peach: I'm not having sex with a hedgehog! Even if that bastard I call my boyfriend will…

(moans start increasing in closet)

Sonic: Damn it…this sounds like Amy's enjoying it!

-Later-

Mario: (comes out of closet) Mamma mia! Your lady is hot! (receives a slap from Peach)

Sonic: (glares)

Amy: I STILL WUV YOU THOUGH, SONIC! (glomps Sonic)

Sonic: Let…go…please…

Jill: And now for the other couple!

Peach: Again, I'm not having sex with a hedgehog!

Jack: (sighs) Time to do what I had to do to convince Cream into the closet in chapter 20…AUTHOR POWERS! (makes Peach's clothes disappear)

Fan boys: (cheering)

Peach: Damn you! (runs into closet with Sonic)

Sonic: I'm a lucky man tonight!

-Later-

Jack: Time for the ultimate Brawl! Right here on stage! (brings in Link and Samus) Go!

Sonic: (gets stabbed, shot, and burned all at once) AAAAAUUUUGH! (is killed)

Mario: (is then shot and stabbed) NOOOOOOOO! (is also killed)

Jill: Now it's between Link and Samus!

Jack: While that ultimate battle goes on, we'll continue with our reviews…

 _okay i can barely think cuz of all the humor but i came up with this._  
 _blaze:makeout with shadow and tell silver that you never want to do him ever again cuz shadow is way better than silver_  
 _sonic:bow down to eggman for the rest of this chapter and say he is the best.(i hate eggman but i want to torture sonic)_  
 _knuckles:makeout with jill without complaining_  
 _tails:kill charmy some more_  
 _shadow:admit that you think blaze would be a better match for you than the other girls_  
 _silver:watch blaze makeout with shadow,realize that she likes him better,and not care_  
 _knuckles:...idk...make out with rouge_  
 _rouge:you cant slap knuckles_  
 _thats all plz use these dares!_  
 _-Safarithecat_

Blaze: Silver's not going to be very happy with this…(kisses Shadow)

Shadow: Mmm…this is fun…

Silver: Blaze? But…I thought you liked me!

Blaze: Sorry, Silver. I don't want to do you again because…well, Shadow's better!

Silver: (shrugs) Meh.

Jack: Wow…I thought would run off crying again!

Silver: I'm not supposed to! Otherwise I would…

Sonic: (revived) Aw man! This (bleep)ing sucks! (bows to Eggman) You're…the best…(walks off depressed)

Eggman: Haha! I knew that idiot would admit it someday!

Jill: And now for more making out! (grabs Knuckles, starts a passionate makeout session)

Tails: Okay…it gets boring after a while, though! (locks Charmy into a room, then fumigates it)

Charmy: Hey….you wanna get high, maaaaaaannnnn….(dies)

Jack: Woot for extermination!

Shadow: Um…I guess she is pretty hot…so she might be the best match…

Jill: No! You have to say she is!

Shadow:…Fine. For your sake, I'll say she is the best match for me. Happy?

Knuckles: (makes out with Rouge) Mmmm…delicious!

Rouge: Awww….alright, I guess that I should stop teasing so much…(starts kissing Knuckles back)

Jack and Jill: (form a secret fan girl/fan boy alliance to work together in acquiring their bishie/sex symbol)

Jill: Hehe…this conspiracy should help get us Knuckie and Rouge…

Jack: And now let's get to a third one from this reviewer…

 _Jack and Jill in the closet._  
 _I haven't seen Jack go in there yet so thought I'd give the idea._  
 _-Samari45_

Jill: Fine…I guess…(heads into closet with Jack)

-A few minutes later-

Sonic: (opens closet door) Hey! What are you doing?

Jill: (puts down a card hand) I have 21! I win!

Shadow: You two were playing card games in the closet?

Jack: Of course! What else is there to do in a dark, lonely closet?

Everyone: (falls down anime-style)

Blaze: You know…what you've been doing with us all other times!

Jill: Oh, that? Well, I'm tired out for today…

Jack: Besides, I'm too busy looking at Rouge's…most noticeable features…to bother with Jill!

Rouge: (glares)

-Meanwhile-

Link: (finally kills Samus) Yes! Now I can head back to…(shudders) all of the Zelda Truth or Dare fics out there…(walks away depressed)


	30. Time to hunt Big!

Time to hunt Big!

(hyperventilating) Oh…my…GOD! We have…TEN THOUSAND (bleep)ING HITS!

Jack: Let's get going! We have some big reviews to do today!…

 _This story is hilarious._  
 _Anyway, I want to give out some dares._  
 _Shadow: I want you to act peppy and act like a cheerleader_  
 _Knuckles: Play all the Final fantsy games._  
 _Sonic: Robe a bank in Japan and defeat Godzilla._  
 _Tails: Play Brain acadamy. (I wanna see what you get)_  
 _Blaze: Take a bath in ice cream._  
 _Jack: Give any kind of weapons to all the Sonic characters. (They can do anything)_  
 _I guess that's all. Bye! Keep writing!_  
 _-Sonicxrox_

Shadow: (sighs) I can't (bleep)ing believe this…(puts on cheerleader dress and grabs pom-poms) Go, team, go! (does an unenthusiastic dance)

Jack: (laughing)

Fan girls: (screaming)

Jill: Wow…Shadow looks so pissed!

Shadow: (glares)(fetal position) Maria!

Knuckles: (takes Final Fantasy games, starts playing them) Man…these games have quite some story in them…

-Later-

Knuckles: AUGH! I suck at playing multiple characters! I get used to one, then I have to play another!

Jill: You'll figure it out eventually…

Sonic: (grabs pistol) Hehehe…(heads to Japan)

Tails: (starts playing Brain Academy) Hey! I won!

Jack: Already? But you've just been playing it for a few seconds!

Tails: It was so easy! (continues playing)(game suddenly blows up)

Jill: It couldn't calculate his intelligence…

-In Japan-

Sonic: (points gun at bank teller) Just hand over the money now!

Bank teller: (rolls eyes) Fine…(hands over a filled bag)

Sonic: (walks out of bank)(hears stomping and roaring) Hmmm…wonder what that could be…(shrugs, continues walking) Man, I just wish that stomping and roaring would stop soon-AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (sees Godzilla)

-Meanwhile-

Blaze: Where do I take the bath?

Jill: (unveils a tub of ice cream) Right here!

Blaze: In front of everyone?

Jack: (grins) Ohhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhh…

Blaze: You (bleep)ing perverts…(takes off clothes, goes into tub)(starts eating ice cream) Mmm…I like all of this milk…I just wish it wasn't so cold…

Guys and fan boys: (start fainting one by one from horniness overload)

Sonic: (walks onto stage) Hey, I'm back and-WHOOOOOOOAAAAAA! (notices Blaze)(also faints from horniness overload)

-After the bath-

Jack: So, how did you beat Godzilla?

Sonic: Well, he was dominating in the battle until, after he hit me with a car, I started fake crying. Then, when he looked away with pity, I…THAT BATTLE WAS WON FAIR AND SQUARE, ALRIGHT?

Jill: Cheater…(opens up bag) But at least karma got you! (dumps out contents)

Jack: Hey! The bank teller gave you Monopoly money instead of real money!

Sonic: (holds up fake money) I can't believe this…

Everyone: (laughing at Sonic)

Jack: Idiocy aside, let's get violent! (hands out Shadow's weapons cache to everyone)

Everyone: (start their usual pattern of blind rage)

-Later-

Jack: (revives everyone) So…much…chaos….on this show…(collapses)

Jill: Now to the anonymous reviews…

 _(An edit from my last review)_  
 _Blaze: makeout with shadow causing silver to cry,and say shadow is better than silver for yours and shadow's dare(admit you love shadow)_  
 _Silver:toss him into the fangirls,get him out,have sonic beat him up,then toss him back into the fangirls and dont let him out 'til he gets another truth or dare_  
 _Shadow:go into the closet with blaze,then makeout with her every five minutes for three chapters,and admit you love blaze_  
 _Sonic:kiss a fangirl_  
 _Knuckles:fix the master emerald then destroy it again_  
 _Rouge:makeout with mephiles_  
 _Tails:...idk...kill charmy again_  
 _Cream:scream until someones head explodes even if your own head explodes_  
 _-Safarithecat_

Shadow: (takes sanity pills) Alright! I'm looking forward to doing this again! (starts making out with Blaze)

Silver: (starts crying again) Why must you betray me like this?

Blaze: Again…Shadow's better!

Shadow: Well…if saying it gets me into the closet with Blaze, I love her! (takes Blaze into closet)

Blaze: And I guess I love Shadow too…(closet door shuts behind her)

Silver: (crying) I can't live with myself any longer! (attempts suicide by jumping into fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (grab Silver, start putting makeup and lipstick on him)

Jack: Oh no you don't (jumps into fan girl crowd, rescues Silver and takes him back on stage)

Silver: (coughs) You saved me…why?

Jack: We don't want you to die yet! (throws Silver to Sonic) Go loose!

Sonic: (starts punching Silver) This is for getting in the way in Sonic '06! You kept being an annoying distraction!

Silver: Ow! Stop it! Ow! In my defense, I thought you were going to destroy the world!

Sonic: (continues punching) Because you were an idiot! (throws Silver to fan girls)

Fan girls: (grab Silver, apply more makeup and lipstick on him)

Sonic: (sighs) I guess I have no choice…(runs up to Amy, kisses her)

Amy: OMG! That was so unexpected of you, Sonic! And romantic…(grabs Sonic with fan girl grip of doom, takes him into closet) What the hell?

Blaze: Oh my god! Amy…what are you and Sonic doing in here?

Shadow: AUGH! Why is someone always barging in right when I'm in the middle of having sex? There's a pattern going on here…(heads out of closet sadly with Blaze, who's putting her clothes back on)

Sonic: No, don't leave! HELP! (closet door is shut in his face by Amy)

Amy: (grins) You're not leaving until I get some action!

Knuckles: (finishes playing Final Fantasy games) Wow…those were quite some stories…now to finish the Master Emerald! (puts it back together)

Rouge: I have to makeout with that creep? Ugh…(starts making out with him)

Mephiles: I like this! Come on, baby…

Knuckles: (notices Rouge and Mephiles) (smashes Master Emerald on ground in anger) Oh no! (starts crying…yes, Knuckles!)

Tails: (ties Charmy to a post in front of a wall)

Jack, Shadow, Espio, Vector, and Cosmo: (all pointing guns at Charmy)

Jill: Cool! A firing squad!

Charmy: This is crazy! Think about this for a sec-

Tails: FIRE! (has Charmy executed)

Cream: Why does everyone want me to scream? (starts blowing in a huge amount of air) (stands next to Cosmo's ear) YAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Cosmo: (blows up)

Jack: And that right there is bound to continue agitating the fan girl war…anyways…

 _Got a few more_  
 _Charmy: Sting yourself everytime you start to say something for the rest of the chapter._  
 _Sonic: So you think you're the fastest thing in the world huh? Then get 100 on Through the Fire and the Flames on expert in Guitar hero 3. If you give up you get attacked by Fangirls, Fanguys, and Fanbots._  
 _Shadow: Go on worldwide TV and admit you are not the ultimate lifeform. Cause you aren't. Hyper Shadic is._  
 _Big: Play James Bond while trying to get through a forest with 100 people hunting you._  
 _Destroy Omochao, the annoying cyborg chao from Sonic Heroes, however you see fit. I just want to see him suffer._  
 _That's all for now. I will definitely think of more and keep it up these are awesome._  
 _-Samari45_

Charmy: (is revived, then reads dare)(has trouble fighting back urge to talk)

Sonic: (escapes from closet)(grabs Guitar Hero) You're on! (starts playing really fast)

Jack: Whoa! Sonic's figured out Guitar Hero pretty quickly!

Shadow: Damn it…(heads to a press conference) Alright, I now have to reveal a secret…I am not the ultimate life form, but I can become it!

Reporter 1: (blinks)…so your point is…

Shadow: (sighs) I guess they don't care…

Big: Uhhh…okay…(heads into forest)

Jack: (contacts the NRA) You know about your next meeting in the woods? If you see a giant cat in the woods, shoot it…(hangs up phone grinning)

Sonic: Damn it! I got 99 percent on the song!

Jill: Oh well. (pulls open a trapdoor under Sonic)

Sonic: AHHHHHHHH! (falls into a pit filled with fans)

Fans: IT'S HIIIIIMMMMM! (attack Sonic)

Sonic: NO! OW! HEY…OW! (is simultaneously being raped and beaten up)

Jack: I remember Omochao…(cracks knuckles)

Omochao: (walks on stage) Hi everyone-whoa! (is impaled on a stick by Jack)

Jack: Die, you unnecessary, useless, idiotic annoyance! (throws Omochao onto a lit grill)

Omochao: Ow! That hurts! (is roasted to death)

Jack: I've been wanting to do that for a long time…

 _Give Tails a large pair of breasts, dress him in a french maid's uniform, and have the girls tickle him until he wets himself._  
 _-anon._

Tails: (walks up to hosts) So, what do I have to do now?

Jill: Put this on. (hands him uniform) And you'll probably want to do it quickly…

Tails: Why?

Jack: Because the guys will be looking at your boobs! AUTHOR POWERS!

Tails: (grows boobs) Oh (bleep)! (puts on dress quickly) Hello ladies…

Amy: Tickling time! (girls jump on Tails, start tickling him)

Tails: Heeheee…stop it…(dress gets wet) Oh boy…

Jill: But the humiliation doesn't end there…

 _Make Tails grow and udder and have Sonic milk him. And Tails has to enjoy it._  
 _-Nobody_

Sonic: (crawls out of fan pit) Wait, I have to milk his boobs? (bleep)!

Jill: (pulls out Jack's shotgun) Do it!

Sonic: Fine…(grabs Tails)(starts milking)

Tails: Sonic, what are you doing-ohhhhhhhhh…

Fan girls: (screaming)

-Meanwhile-

Big: Uhhh…why do I have to act like a spy? (just barely misses a bullet) Uhhh…what was that? It was kind of loud…(is shot in the head this time) Uhhh…that kind of hurt…(is blown up by a grenade) AAAAHHHHH!

Right now, we are deciding on whether to temporarily skip ahead of some of the reviews to get the Halloween ones done around Halloween, or if we should follow the logic of The Simpsons and have the Halloween special…in November!


	31. Halloween

Halloween

Sorry I took so long to update! But then again, I wasn't expecting my computer to crash! Anyways…here it is! Halloween!

Knuckles: (looks at Jill) Um…when will you stop stalking me?

Jill: (glomps him) NEVER!

Knuckles: (backs away) Okay, okay!

Jack: Anyways….it's party time! This is going to be a fun Halloween…

 _Yes! It's time for some Halloween torture, but before that, a question for everyone! First, last time I reviewed, I realized that Big Shots were simply TOO evil for me to think of an appropriate evil laugh, but I now have one! (QUINTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER!)_  
 _Everyone: (flees in terror at the very sound of it)_  
 _Everyone: What do you do in-between chapters if you're not performing a dare?_  
 _Eggman: Since you're such a bond villain rip-off, it's only fitting that you be forced to die in the same manner that every Bond villain has. You better get started, you've got alot of dying ahead of you._  
 _Tails: I want you to slowly kill off every Sonic character throughout this whole chapter until only you and Cosmo are left, without letting anyone know the killer is you. (Meaning no one else can know about this dare) (Also, don't just shoot them. Try to do something slow in order to make their deaths as painful as possible)_  
 _Cream: I want Jack to send a couple hungry and rabid predators after you. You'd better start running._  
 _Sonic: Kidnap Silver and Blaze, take them somewhere secluded, and force them to play a "game" where only one will survive by killing the other person. If neither of them kills the other within ten minutes, then they both die._  
 _Metal Sonic: Rebel against your master, Eggman, and lead a robot uprising against humans._  
 _Big: What is your worst nightmare? (After he answers, make his worst nightmare come true)_  
 _Charmy: Jack, introduce Charmy to Death again._  
 _Knuckles: Kill Sonic, then grind him up into meat, cook him, and feed him to Amy. (Don't tell Amy that she is eating Sonic until after she is done)_  
 _Amy: I'm coming for you, Amy... Super Dragon and his axe are coming to get you, Amy... Flee while you can. (If she runs, I'll be sure to unceremoniously bring the body back)_  
 _Rouge: Pour acid on your face so that you're horribly disfigured, then show Knuckles and literally scare him to death._  
 _Mephiles: Inject yourself with the G-virus from Resident Evil. (Don't tell anyone about this dare)_  
 _I love all this suffering, especially since it's the Halloween dares! FEAR ME! (QUINTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Sonic: It depends. Sometimes we're still in the middle of being tortured, other times we're in the middle of having sex…

Jill: Yes, but what do you do when not enacting a between-chapter dare?

Shadow: Most of us go to see the psychiatrist…we always need lots of meds after what we go through in each chapter…(fetal position) Maria!

Eggman: (heads to Bond movie set) Hallo, Meester Bond…I've been vanting to see you…

-Later-

Eggman: Ahahahahahaha! You'll never stop me, Meester Bond! Therefore, I'll just leave you in an easily escapable situation with an overly elaborate and exotic death! (Austin Powers, anyone?)

Bond: (escapes, obviously!) Goodbye, Eggman! (blows up Eggman)

Eggman: AAAAHHHHH! DAMN YOU, IAN FLEMING! (the author of the original James Bond books)

-After many more deaths to come for Eggman-

Eggman: (comes back on stage) Phew! All of this dying sucks…(shudders) especially the electrocution and explosion deaths! (trips on a wire, activating a grenade that blows him up) AAAAHHHHH! (dies)

Jack: WHOA! Who did that? I want to know who to give a high five to!

Tails: (shifts eyes around nervously)

Jack: Well, whatever…bring in the cage!

Janitor: (drags in a giant cage filled with wolves, bears, etc.) Damn kids…about to be eaten…

Cream: What are those beasts for?

Jack: (opens cage) You! (dumps a bucket of stew on her) Get the meat, boys!

Rabid animals: (jump out of cage, chase after Cream)

Cream: YAAAAAHHHHH! (runs off screaming)

Silver: Wow, we've already just started Halloween and I'm scared!

Blaze: Don't worry, I'll cheer you up by showing you a good time…(drags off Silver)

Sonic: (grabs chloroform, goes after them)

Jack: How stereotypical. Teens getting kidnapped/killed while having sex! Well, that's one Halloween thing done already! (revives Eggman)

Tails: (sighs) Damn…

Eggman: I need to work on my robots some more…

Metal Sonic: No.

Eggman: What do you mean?

Metal Sonic: We no longer serve you. (others robots stand behind him, clenching fists)

Eggman: Oh…(bleep). (runs) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! (is chased off stage by robots)

Big: Uhhhh…Froggy disappearing, probably!

Jack: (grabs Froggy, takes him off stage without Big noticing) Go, go, go!

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: THANK YOU! SALVATION AT LAST!) (hops off)

-Later-

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Damn! I'm lost! What do I do now?)

Tails: (suddenly shoves Froggy into a jar) Haha! Now you shall suffocate to death! (leaves Froggy in a bottomless pit…while still trapped in the jar)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: NOOOOOOOO!) (dies)

-Back on stage-

Big: WAH HA HA! No more Froggy? (keeps sobbing)

Tails: Oh, and can I see Charmy for a second?

Charmy: Um…okay…(heads off stage with Tails)

Everyone: (ignores Charmy's screaming from off stage)

Charmy: (notices Death) (rolls eyes) I'm so tired of this…

-Meanwhile, in a secluded forest nearby-

Blaze: (wakes up) Silver! We're tied up!

Silver: (wakes up) Damn it! What do these buttons in front of us do?

Sonic: (walks up to them) Both buttons are attached to grenades next to the other. You push your button, and the other dies!

Blaze: Sonic? You tied us up?

Sonic: (looks at Blaze grinning)Yes…and I did some other stuff to you while you were unconscious…(does a sexy motion with his hips)

Blaze: Oh my god! You perv…

Sonic: But that doesn't matter…you two now have to choose…or you both die in ten minutes!

Silver: Well, I'm not going to kill Blaze, no matter-(BOOM) AAAAAHHHH!

Blaze: (stops pushing button) Sucker…(gets untied by Sonic)

-Back on stage-

Sonic: We're back! Silver had an…accident…

Tails: (mutters to self) Interesting…they seem to be killing each other off without my help!

Knuckles: Hey Sonic! (points to a table) You'll want to check this out!

Sonic: (heads to table) That's just a meat grinder! What's so special about tha-AAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH! (is shoved into it by Knuckles and killed)

Amy: What was that scream? It sounded like Sonic whenever he sees me!

Knuckles: Oh, he just ran off! Hey, I've got some burgers here that Sonic likes! Maybe if you eat them, you can get him to kiss you! (starts cooking up meat)

Amy: Great idea! (eats Sonic burger)

Jack: Now, you do know that you just ate Sonic, right?

Amy: WHAT?! I…(starts up her fan girl sob) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Jill: The fan girl sob…it's a sad sight to see…

Jack: And it's kind of funny, too!

Amy: (hears Kyle's voice) That's kind of scary…I'm going! (runs off)

Kyle: (brings back a dead Amy, throws her on a burning pyre) Yes! Take THAT, Amy! (heads off stage after a quintuple evil laugh)

Jack: Burn, crazy fan girl, burn!

Rouge: (muttering) Damn (bleep)er, ruining my looks…(pours acid on face) AAAAHHHHH!

Knuckles: Who's screaming this time?

Rouge: (walks up to Knuckles) Me!

Knuckles: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (runs off screaming)

Jill: WIIIIIIIIITCHHHHHHHH! (throws Rouge onto the burning pyre also)

Rouge: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! (dies)

Jack: (puts hand out towards Rouge) But…her boobs were still intact! As long as I could put a paper bag over face…(starts up his fan BOY sob) NOOOOOOOOOO!

Mephiles: (grabs needle) This is going to be chaotic….hahaha! (injects self)

Jill: Let's continue on with this already eventful night…

 _It's me, Burn, and I'm back!_  
 _I dare Shadow to go to a Halloween party with all of the other characters and Shadow has to be dressed up as a ballerina._  
 _Then after the party, let Shadow shoot anyone._  
 _See you next time,_  
 _-Burn the Dragon_

Shadow: (puts on ballerina dress)(glares) Halloween's supposed to be a holiday I enjoy, not one I hate!

Jill: Well, you're going to that party! Come on!

-At the party-

Everyone: (laughing at Shadow)

Shadow: Urrrggghhhh…(gets emo angry)

Knuckles: (barges into party, sees Shadow) HA! Flip up your dress! (laughing)

Shadow: Urrrggghhhh…(gets emo angrier!)

-Later-

Knuckles: That party was hilarious! I-(BAM)(is blown up by one of Shadow's rocket launchers)

Shadow: (takes off dress) That's what I wanted to do this Halloween…

 _Halloween reviews? Okay!_  
 _Big: Get a Sylvester Stalone accent, go up to some random dude's house and say "Trick or Treat" and see what he does_  
 _Rouge: Turn Charmy and Tails into vampires!_  
 _Charmy: I dare you to bite fifteen fangirls. And live._  
 _Tails: Get closet time with Sonic and in the process turn him into a vampire!_  
 _Espio: Figure out how to turn into a werewolf!_  
 _Knuckles: Wrap yourself in toilet paper and go around some town acting like a mummy. (Don't tell him the town's full of fangirls.)_  
 _Amy: Become a zombie._  
 _Blaze: Kill Zombie-Amy with a baseball bat. No powers involved._  
 _Chaos: You have to be in an apple-bobbing contest, but you don't get to play. You're the water that the apples go into._  
 _Vector, Eggman, Tikal: Go apple-bobbing! But don't use any special tactics at getting them out. Just your teeth._  
 _Cosmo: Go to Hogwarts and don't come back until you learn how to ride a broom and learn magic. Then come back dressed as Professor Macgonagle on your broom. Oh yeah, and watch out for dementors_  
 _Cream: You have to go into a graveyard alone and stay there the whole night (unless you're dared to do something else) with nothing to protect you except a sponge. (And when I say "except a sponge", I don't mean I want you to take Spongebob with you. Just an ordinary, non-living kitchen sponge.)_  
 _Shadow: Get a chainsaw and recreate the Texas Chainsaw Massacre incident. No powers!_  
 _Silver: Congratulations. You get to be Jack the Ripper this year. Now go kill 100 people. ... And Omachao. (I hate Omachao!)_  
 _Gamma and Omega: For the rest of Halloween, you get to be... (Dun-dun dun) HUMANS! Then you gotta deal with 20 fangirls, 10 for each of you. Oh yeah, Gamma, you gotta dress up as Mr. Incredible, and Omega, you get to dress up as Vincent Price.^^_  
 _Omachao: Siccing the Omachao fangirls on him wouldn't be too scary. So... Sic him on the anti-Omachao fans! Yeah!_  
 _Happy Halloween dudes!_  
 _Oh crap! I forgot sonic's Halloween dare!_  
 _Sonic: There's a town that needs your help! Go there with your new vampire powers and save the city from the zombified aliens!_  
 _-Cartoonatic55_

Big: (stops sobbing) Uhhhh…okay…(heads out trick or treating)

-At random guy's house-

Big: Uhhh…(starts muttering indecipherably) Trick or treat!

Random guy: (also muttering indecipherably) What did you say?

Big: (continues muttering indecipherably) I didn't hear you! Now trick or treat!

Random guy: (muttering indecipherably) Are you trying to rip me off? CAUSE I DON'T LIKE THAT! (starts beating the crap out of Big)

Jack: Dude! It's Sylvester Stallone himself! RUN! (everyone flees)

-Later-

Jack: (revives Sonic, Rouge, Charmy, Amy, Knuckles, Silver and Eggman) I would keep them dead, but they're needed for some of these upcoming dares!

Tails: (sighs) Back to the drawing board…

Rouge: Time for feasting! (bites Charmy and Tails)

Charmy: Ugh…I don't like all of this blood loss…(collapses)

Tails: Hmmm….this will make my killing more interesting…

Charmy: (wakes up) Okay! Time to go after the TailsCream fan girls…(jumps into fan girl crowd)(bites fifteen TailsCream fan girls)

Jack: You do realize that those fifteen are now immortal, meaning the war will go on even longer?

Charmy: (bleep)! I didn't think of that!

Tails: (reads dare) Oh no…

Jill: (summons yaoi fan girls, has them charge at Sonic and Tails)

Yaoi fan girls: (screaming)(grab Sonic and Tails, take them into closet)

Jill: Imagine that…Halloween yaoi!

Espio: Where do I go to become a werewolf?

Jack: I know the quickest way! (sends Espio into Sonic: Unleashed)

Espio: Sonic! Is that you?

Werehog: RAWR! (mauls Espio)

Espio: AAAAAAHHHHHH!

-Back on stage-

Knuckles: (grabs toilet paper) Sweet! This costume sounds awesome! (wraps himself in it, then heads to town)

Fan girls: (charge at Knuckles screaming)

Knuckles: Who's that? YAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! (gets tackled by fan girls)

Jill: I got a dreadlock! (hugs it tightly)

-Meanwhile-

Mephiles: (drooling) Uhhhhhhhh…

Amy: Are you okay, Mephiles? (is bitten) Ow! I-Uhhhhhhhhh…(turns into a zombie also)

Jack: Damn! I knew we should have gotten that zombie protection screen for the stage! But nobody would listen…now who's laughing?

Cream: (runs back onto stage) This is going to be a problem…killing our own friends!

Blaze: (grabs baseball bat) I have no problem with that! (beats down Amy) Die, you crazy fan girl! (moves on to killing Mephiles)

Jack: (shoves Chaos into a bucket, throws apples inside) Time for apple-bobbing!

Eggman: Hmmmm…alright! (starts apple bobbing)

Water: RAWR! (grabs Eggman, drowns him)

Vector: Crap! Well, I guess I have to go…(grabs apple quickly before he can be drowned) Hooray! (swallows apple whole)

Tikal: I'm so scared…(starts apple bobbing)

Water: RAWR! (has a conflict with itself over whether to kill her)

Tikal: (grabs apple and puts head out of bucket) I didn't have any problems! I guess that whatever happened to Eggman, we should just ignore it!

Jack: Agreed. And now to the next two dares…(sends Cosmo and Cream of to their destinations)

-At the graveyard-

Cream: What am I supposed to do with this sponge?

Ghosts: (come out of graves, attack Cream) MWAWHAHA! The sponge can't save you!

Cream: (holds up sponge) AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! (is taken off and brutally murdered)

-At Hogwarts-

Cosmo: (riding on a broom) Wheeeeeee! I can now totally dominate over all of those annoyances back home! HAHAHA!

-On stage-

Shadow: (grabs chainsaw, puts on leather mask) This Halloween is getting funner and funner…(walks off to Hardesty mansion)

Jill: (climbs back onto stage) Who's next to go on a killing spree?

Silver: Me! (slits Omochao's throat with a knife)

Omochao: Ahhhhhhh…(dies)

Silver: (puts on a cape, hat) Now it's time to find some whores…(walks off)

Jill: But Rouge is over here!

Rouge: (glares)

Cosmo: (flies back on stage on her broom wearing glasses, cloak) Ehehehe…now where's Cream?

Jack: You're too late! She already got killed in an earlier dare!

Cosmo: Damn it! Well, I'll just have to-(starts shivering) Brrrr…why is it so cold? (notices dementors coming) HERE?! (rolls eyes) EXPECTO…PATRONUM! (nothing happens) (bleep)! Get away from me, you-AAAAAAHHHHHH! (gets her soul sucked out)

-In Texas-

Shadow: (throws chainsaw to the ground) (bleep)! How could that girl get away? I'm so angry…(heads back to stage)

-Back on stage-

Jack: (revives Omochao) Robots as humans? Interesting…(hands the robots their costumes)

Gamma: I am so buff…and attractive. (flexes "muscles")

Omega: Hello. What horror film is this.

Jack: This is a horror for everyone! (unleashes fan girls on them)

Fan girls: (grab Gamma and Omega, drag them off to sell every piece of them on eBay)

Anti-Omochao fan girls: (grab Omochao, start a bloody sacrificial ritual on Omochao)

Omochao: AAAAAHHHHHH! (is killed)

Sonic: (runs out of closet) MWAHAHA! I'm a vampire now! And I shall now use my powers! (flies into town)

Alien zombies: Uhhhhhh…

Sonic: Die, foul creatures! (starts an epic battle with the aliens) Ow! Those laser guns really hurt!

-Back on stage-

Jill: That was a lot for one night…and there's still more to come…

 _Ok, Halloween, think creepy stuff guys/girls._  
 _Amy: Kiss Blaze. There must be tongue. I am damn serious._  
 _Blaze: Don't complain. Complaining means you have to leave your clothes off for the rest of the chapter, and then a slow painful death._  
 _Sonic: Give him to the fan girls (And some fan GUYS (See: Sonic Passion)), but they must approach him slowly._  
 _Knuckles: Eat something slimey and disgusting. I don't know what it is, just eat it._  
 _Shadow: Eat Knuckles' throw up._  
 _Tails Doll: Get out here and creep everyone out._  
 _-Anonymous_

Amy: (revived) Well, at least it's not getting killed again…(kisses Blaze)

Jack: Now Blaze, imagine how slimy that tongue is, as it heads down your mouth, with it being slippery and moving and-

Blaze: (pushes away Amy) STOP IT! That's gross…

Jack: YES! YOU COMPLAINED! (pulls out shotgun) Now take them off!

Blaze: (takes off clothes) Well, at least there's only a little left in this chapter…

Jack: Not so! You see, we're dividing Halloween into two parts, and I consider the two parts combined to be a single chapter!

Blaze: So I'm going naked for the whole next chapter too? (bleep)!

Sonic: I'm back! That battle was easy!

Jill: Now you get to fight something else…(throws Sonic to fans)

Fans: (like lions, approach Sonic slowly, then pounce screaming)

Sonic: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (is taken away by fans)

Knuckles: (climbs back on stage looking badly beaten up) The fan girls didn't like me not cooperating…

Jack: Just eat this already! (hands Knuckles the slimy, disgusting thing)

Knuckles: (eats it) What was that?

Jill: One of the body parts of Shadow's victims in the massacre!

Knuckles: (throws up)

Janitor: (comes out with mop)

Jack: Hold it! Shadow has to clean this up!

Shadow: (glares)(starts eating vomit) Uggghhhh…this night didn't turn out so great, after all!

Tails Doll: (walks in)

Jill: OMG! NOT AGAIN! (jumps off stage)

Jack: Ooooooohhhh…pretty red light…

Tails: Perfect! While the Tails Doll hogs all of the attention of everyone, I shall commence with my killing sprees! (heads off to commit his heinous deeds)

To be continued…yes, because I received a lot of Halloween dares! But I have some bad news for you readers…I have a party on Halloween night, so I won't be able to get part 2 up until Saturday! I regret this, but I have terrible luck!


	32. Halloween 2

Halloween 2

We're back! And yes, I was wrong about Saturday! I received an invitation at the last second to a party Saturday night, so NOW I'm finally getting this chapter done! Warning: the following chapter contains pure hilarity!

Jack: Before we continue the Halloween reviews, I'm going to do a trick and treat! First…(throws a gun to Shadow)

Shadow: (catches gun)…Thanks. This is sweet. (walks off with his new gun grinning)

Knuckles: Wait, where's Shadow going off to?

Jack: (pulls open a laptop) He's probably doing what we got with this closet camera footage here!

Rouge: Wait…what's he doing with that gun barrel-(mortified expression)OH MY GOD!

Sonic: (rolling on floor laughing) I…I can't believe this! Ha! Shadow has sex with his guns?! (continues laughing)

Jack: But that's not the best part! The gun I just gave him is loaded!

(A loud BANG is heard nearby, promptly followed by Shadow screaming)

Espio: Now that the trick's done, let's get to the treat already…

Jack: Alright. Since Blaze is naked for this chapter, I thought to give a reward to those guys out there who are enjoying this, so…AUTHOR POWERS! (makes Blaze's boobs grow big for the chapter)

Horny Blaze fan boys: (cheering, building shrines to Jack)

Blaze: (glares) Does everyone need to be a pervert on this show?

Jack: Of course! It wouldn't be any fun otherwise…

Jill: Let's move along already! We've got a ton to do…

 _HALLOWEEN DARES!_  
 _ok,in the spirit of halloween, everyone(including you,jack,jill) must dress up in cheesy costumes!but,they have to be costumes of who you despise the everyone(save the host peoples) must stay in those costumes for the next...um...5 CHAPTERS!_  
 _-Gunslinger 117_

Jack:…Fine. (starts grumbling as he puts on his Eggman costume)

Jill: (puts on Rouge outfit)

Guys: (catcalling)

Knuckles: Wow! I actually don't mind being stalked by that right now! (puts on Eggman costume)

Rouge: (glares)

Eggman: (puts on Sonic costume) Hey! Stop dressing up as me!

Robots: (put on Sonic costumes)

Everyone remaining: (puts on Eggman costumes)

Eggman: AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH! You all suck…

Amy: Sonic, you put on an Eggman costume also? YAY! Something in common! (drags Sonic into closet)

Sonic: Um…I'd like something more in common than that…(closet door slams in his face)

Jack: Sexytime already? Let's keep moving on…

 _Alright, it's time for the second part of my Halloween dares, but I have something really evil for the end!_  
 _Shadow: Lock Silver and yourself in a small room so that you're both unable to escape the horror known only as the Tails Doll!_  
 _Espio: Dress up like Solid Snake and go meet the Gray Fox._  
 _Vector: Go trick or treating to various fangirl houses. You can't stop until you have a full bag of candy. After you're done, give all of it to Tails._  
 _Cosmo: Dress up like Jason Vorhees, but carry a real machete. (Don't tell anyone it's real) Use it on Cream._  
 _Silver: I want Jack to take you and Blaze to a small secluded house for some fun! (As soon as they get there, hypnotize Silver into believing he's Micheal Myers without Blaze knowing)_  
 _Froggy: You must be locked in a room with 100 Big the Cats!_  
 _Tikal: Eat Rouge's brain! Why? Because I can make you do it, That's why!_  
 _Omega: Become a Predator and start terrorizing everyone. (Predator as in the movie called "Predator")_  
 _Gamma: Kill Amy and Sonic while they're sleeping with eachother in the closet!_  
 _Blaze: Go get a haircut at Sweeney Todd's barber shop._  
 _Chaos: Throw a Halloween party at... wherever you live._  
 _Jet: If anyone dies at all during this chapter, you must be killed TWICE for each death that occurs because I don't like you at all! This includes any death that you die as well. (Meaning that he'll need to be killed an infinite number of times if just one person dies)_  
 _Jack: If you don't mind, I want to stay onstage for this chapter and the next two because it's so much easier for me to torture the characters when they're within grabbing distance! I really want to spend most of my time helping Tails and Cosmo and torturing Sonic, Eggman, Amy, Charmy, Cream, and Jet. To start with, I am going to bring up a big bear with Hydrophobia and sick it on them! (Hydrophobia is the later stages of Rabies) (If you want me to stay up there any longer, I don't have any problem with that)_  
 _This is going to be fun! (QUINTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Shadow: (walks back on stage angrily) YOU (bleep)ING (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep) (bleep)(bleep)!

Jack: I guess you didn't like neutering yourself.

Shadow: (glares) That Tails Doll thing again? (locks himself and Silver into a nearby bedroom) Ha! I'm not scared of it!

Silver: (hiding under bed)…But I am…

Tails Doll: (suddenly appears in room) Hello.

Shadow:…That's kind of creepy. Well, I'll just kill you then-AAAAAAAHHHHH! (gets his soul taken out)

Silver: (still hiding under bed)

-Meanwhile-

Espio: (in Solid Snake outfit) Die, traitor! (attack Gray Fox)

Gray Fox: Ha! You think you can beat me? Then let's bring it! (does a fistfight with Espio)

Espio: Ow! I'll use my ninja skills to defeat you! YAAAAAAAH! (kills Gray Fox)

-Meanwhile-

Vector: (rings a doorbell on a house) Trick or Treat!

Twenty fan girls: (open door)(start screaming)

Fan girl 1: OMG! It's Vector!

Fan girl 2: Come inside…we've got some candy!

Vector: Oh (bleep) no! TOONOPHILES! (starts running)

Fan girls: (grab Vector)(drag him inside house screaming)

-Meanwhile(man, I'm saying this a lot)-

Cosmo: (puts on hockey mask) Who do I kill first? How about Cream? (slashes Cream's throat with machete)

Jill: Whoa! Is that blood coming out of Cream?

Cosmo: (drags off Cream's body) Ummm….no. That's just Kool-Aid!

Jack: I'll believe that! Now I have to set up another teenage makeout session…(grabs Silver and Blaze)(takes them to secluded house)

Silver: Sweet! Let's get to some action!

Blaze: Well, at least I'm not in public for the moment.

Jack: But first…(hypnotizes Silver) Now get to it! (shoves them both into a bedroom)

Blaze: (from inside room) Using a knife, huh? This sound like fun-AAAAAHHHHH! You're not actually supposed to stab me, you (bleep)head AAAAAAHHHHH! (dies)

-Back on stage-

Froggy: (revived) Ribbit! (Translation: Where do I go now?)

Jill: In here! (shoves him into room, locks it)

Big clones: FROGGY! (trample on Froggy)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: AHHHHH! Here I come, death…sweet, sweet death…)(dies)

Tikal: (pulls out scalpel) Time for the doctor to see you, Rouge!

Jack: (runs onto stage) OH! I would play doctor with Rouge…if you know what I mean!

Tikal: That's not what I mean…(suddenly cuts open Rouge's head) That's what I meant! (starts eating Rouge's brain) (throws up)

Janitor: (starts cleaning up mess) Stupid kids…with their brains all over the floor…(continues grumbling)

Omega: (grabs Predator mask) Roar. (starts shooting everything)

Jack: (creates bulletproof shield around him and Jill) Ha! Now we can watch those idiots suffer! (grabs popcorn, watches the unfolding destruction)

Gamma: (charges into closet)

Sonic: Whoa! Get out of here! It's Shadow who everyone is supposed to be barging in on-AAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Amy: OMG, you just shot Sonic? But why? (snickers) Are you jealous-AAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Blaze: (revived) So, now I have to encounter another serial killer? That's just great! (storms off to barber shop)

Todd: Who are you?

Blaze: (reads lines that Jack gave her) I'm an upper class, snobby a-hole who wouldn't mind one bit with raping peasants! Can I have a shave?

Todd: (glaring) Fine. Time for my famous close shave! (slits her throat immediately)

-Later-

Jack: (looking at Blaze meat pie) Wow…we've killed Blaze an awful lot on this show! It was already a crazy enough moment when she died in Sonic '06!

Jill: But where does Chaos live?

Tikal: Isn't it obvious? The Master Emerald shrine!

-At party-

Jack:…This sucks. These stupid Chao are soooo annoying!

Shadow: Can't…take…this…boredom…(fetal position) Maria!

Jet: (dies of boredom, then is revived) Crap! (starts constantly getting heart attacks, then experiences every death that Kenny from South Park has had)

Bear with rabies: ROAR! (charges into party, starts killing)

Charmy: I'll stop you-AAAAHHHHH! (gets torn to shreds)

Jill: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Jack: MUAHAHA! And while we're all now running, I shall commence the next review…

 _The holloween dare sound very intriging._  
 _Everyone has to wear a costume of Jack choice (note that Jack has to think of a theme)_  
 _Eggman and Tails: Build a machine that can make everyone worst fear come to life. And when they're done (after erasing both there memories) activate the machine and watch all the terror._  
 _After that everone must go trick-or-treating in Elm Street and must spend the night in this houses (shows a broken down house) Sweet Dreams, everyone_  
 _Muhahahahahahaha, I'll be back (faides away)_  
 _-Foxmaster91_

Jack: Well, since all of you are being chased by a rabid bear…AUTHOR POWERS!

Everyone besides hosts: (wearing costumes made out of meat)

Eggman: I can't believe this, you-AAAAAHHHH! (is devoured by bear)

-Later-

Jack: (revives everyone) You two! Get building!

Eggman: Mwahahahahahahaha! I like this reviewer's idea!

Tails: This could help with my evil plans as well…

-Later-

Jack: I can't believe it! It's complete! (erases Eggman and Tails' memories) And now It's MINE to control! (shoves Eggman, Charmy, and Amy into machine)

Eggman: (sees Sonic, who starts kicking his ass) AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Amy: (sees Sonic and Blaze in a…compromising position) NOOOOOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THIS!(sees Sonic suddenly die) I WAS WRONG! AAAAAHHHH!

Charmy: (sees a ton of bats, birds, and bug spray cans) I…am so (bleep)ed! (is murdered in many different ways)

Jack: That was very fun! But now, none of you shall be safe even in your sleep! (takes everyone to Elm Street)

Sonic: What's so scary about this place? It's just an abandoned house!

Jill: Okay, before you all go to sleep tonight, just remember these two words: Freddy Krueger!

Tails:…Why?

Jack: You'll find out. But before you guys go to bed, we will do one more for part 2...

 _Tails and Rouge leting you take a day off Toturcer_  
 _Holloween Themes hun_  
 _Rouge Dare you to bite Sonic, Shadow and Espio turning them to Vampires then make Sonic Bite Blaze turning her into a Vampire, Make Shadow Bite Tails turning him into a Vampire and Make Espio yiff Vector in the closet and turning him into a vampire after that_  
 _Tails Bring a Zombie yoshi back form the grave and have him to yiff and Bite Charmy turning Charmy into a Zombie too._  
 _Eggman Turn Knuckals into a Girl then yiff her. (HAHHAHA)_  
 _Cosmo hump Cream with a Strap on in the closet._  
 _Blaze Bite and do it with my OC Typhoon Cat in the closet_  
 _Sliver Branwash Mephiles into your pet I say a Dog_  
 _Jet Get yiff by a Dragon_  
 _Have Wave and My OC Typhoon Cat come to your show_  
 _Wave Let Typhoon Cat yiff you too and turning you into a Vampire slave for the rest of the chapture._  
 _-Charles Roberts_

Rouge: (bares fangs) Let's begin the biting! (bites Espio)

Sonic: Hey Blaze! Let's make out! (bites Blaze in mouth)

Yaoi fan girls: (charge in, grab Espio and Vector and take them into closet)

Vector: OW! The bite wasn't necessary, you know!

Espio: Actually…it was.

Fan girls: (screaming)

Fan girl 1: TEAM EDWARD!

Fan girl 2: TEAM JACOB!

Fan girls: (start fighting again)

Jack: Goddamn it, get those (bleep)ing Twilight fan girls out of here! I've never even read those books…

Jill: Well, I have! And those fan girls are my friends!

Jack: Fine then. If you won't kick them out…SECURITY! (has personal militia kick out all of the rowdy Twilight fan girls) There. Matter settled.

Tails: Rise up, you great evil! (brings up Zombie Yoshi)

Charmy: What is that?

Tails: Your new friend! (has Zombie Yoshi attack Charmy)

Charmy: AAAAAHHHHH!

Eggman: How do I turn Knuckles into a girl? I'm not exactly that great of a surgeon…

Jack: That's your problem! You're doing the surgery on Knuckles, and if you do bad, that only means he suffers more! (shoves Eggman(with scalpel) and Knuckles into closet after kicking out yaoi fan girls, Vector, and Espio)

Silver: (uses psychic powers with a coin to hypnotize Mephiles) You are now my pet dog!

Mephiles: (on all fours) Woof!

Silver: (throws a ball into fan girl crowd) Fetch, boy!

Mephiles: (barking)(falls into fan girl pit)

Fan girls: (screaming)

Mephiles: (gets out of hypnosis) AAAAAHHHHHH!

Knuckles: (runs out of closet crying)

Eggman: (shudders) I don't think anyone would've guessed for me to lose my virginity with him/her/it! (points to Knuckles)

Knuckles: (still crying) My manhood's gone, you (bleep)er! WAHAHA!

Cosmo: (grabs strap-on) What's with this whole "sleeping with the enemy" thing everyone's been having lately! Especially for between us girls!

Jack: (summons yuri fan boys) You can ask them!

Yuri fan boys: (grab Cosmo and Cream, take them into closet)

Jet: A dragon? Where-AAAAAHHHHH! (gets grabbed by a dragon that randomly swoops on stage, gets taken to its cave) This is not what I was hoping to deal with on Halloween…

Wave: (walks on stage)(sighs) Poor Jet. Too idiotic for his own good!

Blaze: (reads dare) Um…what do I do?

Jack: (bashes both Blaze and Wave with "No OCs" sign) You heard me!

Jill: That ends part 2! But, there were some Halloween reviews we got which weren't around the time we requested it (chapters 20-22), but much later! We shall do those next chapter. So to Bolt the Wolf, Senom299, and Safarithecat…hold your horses, we will get to your Halloween reviews next chapter! And we'll have a bit more after those too…

Jack: So until then…(blows sleeping dust on everyone) HAHA! Time to meet Freddy!

Everyone: (starts dying one by one)

I know…this part wasn't nearly as long as the last one! But I've been increasingly busy in recent days! Oh, and cookies to Yaoi Lover for pointing out a weird coincidence! That is strange that Chapter 31 was a Halloween one...and I honestly didn't intend that!


	33. Halloween is finished!

Halloween is finished!

Here we go again…

Jack: (revives everyone) Now that you guys will never sleep happily again…who's up for reviews?

Charmy: Hey guys! Look what I found! (grabs some jack-o'-lanterns) PUMPKINS! (starts throwing pumpkins at everyone)

Shadow: (starts wiping off pumpkin gourds) Let's kill him.

Jack: Agreed. (grabs a BIGASS sword, chases after Charmy with everyone else)

Jill: Hooray for angry mobs! While they give Charmy a torturous death, we'll deal with our off-date Halloween reviews…

 _I got a halloween dare set!_  
 _Shadow: Have the girls dress u in any costume they see fit._  
 _Sonic: Dress as a turtle and be as slow as one._  
 _Rouge: Dress in ur sexiest outfit, hope you and jack have a good time!_  
 _Jill: Dress up knuckles, Again have a good time!_  
 _Knuckles: No complaining, hypnosis, or suicide.(HA all angles covered)_  
 _Amy: Make her dress as sonic without noticing it and look in a mirror._  
 _Cream/Tails: Dress as the most evil thing jack/jill can think up and act evil to go with it. better yet BECOME evil MUHAHAHAHHA!_  
 _Thats all for halloween!_  
 _-Bolt the Wolf_

Shadow: (comes back from mob with everyone else) I don't like this. One bit.

Amy: Let's give him something pink!

Fan girls: (cheering)

Shadow: Now I REALLY don't like this!

Girls: (give him a pink skirt and pink jacket)

Shadow: (puts them on) I don't know what to do now…(covers face up in hands)

Guys: (laughing)

Fan girls: (taking pictures to savor forever)

Sonic: (puts on turtle shell) What do you mean by slow? In speed or intelligence?

Jack: Both!

Sonic: (grumbles) You jerks…(walks off slowly)

Rouge: (puts on a tight bikini) Well, I guess it's been a little while since I've had sex…

Jill: You mean, a few minutes ago with the Janitor out back in the dumpster!

Janitor: (holds up a sex toy grinning)

Rouge: (glares at Jill)(walks up in front of everyone)

Fan boys: (fainting from happiness)

Jack: Oh…my…GOD! ROUGEIMSOHORNY! (grabs her boobs by fan boy instinct) LET'S(bleep)INTHECLOSETRIGHTNOW! (drags Rouge into closet with fan boy grip of doom)

Jill: OMG! Thank you soooo much! (gives Knuckles a pair of those farmer jeans(you know, with the shoulder straps on them))

Knuckles: (puts on jeans) This blue really sticks out against my red! And that wasn't necessarily a complaint…

Jill: Now let's get going, hot sexy farm boy! (drags Knuckles into closet)

Jack: Whoa! Couldn't you wait a few minutes?

Jill: No! I want my Knuckie badly!

Jack: And I want my boobs badly!

(they start having a fan girl/fan boy argument while holding on to Rouge and Knuckles, who both just sit there rolling their eyes)

Tails: Well, since they're both busy arguing, and since Shadow is too embarrassed to show his face, I guess I'll host the show!

Sonic: (walks up slowly) Hey! What about me?

Tails: You're too idiotic!

Sonic: What are you talking abou-

Tails: Idiotsayswhat!

Sonic: What?

Tails: I told you so. Now for Amy…(gives her a laptop set to a Sonic fan site) Look at all of these pictures of Sonic!

Amy: OMG! He's soooo adorable! (starts drooling over pictures while Tails dyes her hair blue and spikes it)

Tails: Now look at this! (hands her a hand mirror)

Amy: SONIC?! YAAAAAAAAY! (starts making out with mirror) Why won't you let me inside your mouth, damn it! COME ON! YAH! (smashes mirror with hammer)

Blaze: Crap. That's seven years of bad luck for you!

Amy: Yeah right! (an anvil falls on her head) Owwww…

Tails: Well, I've already become kind of evil, so it's just Cream who we need to get…but we'll need to get Jack out first!

Jack: (still arguing) Why do you need him right now?

Jill: Because he's a bishie! What about you?

Jack: She's a sex symbol! (continues long, pointless argument)

Tails: (sighs) And now we shall do the two anonymous Halloween reviews…

 _KK this should be fun..._  
 _Blaze:Dress up as nightmare blaze (see youtube and type in nightmare blaze if you dont know)and scare everyone to death_  
 _Shadow:Dont die and find nightmare blaze to be sexy and...(points to closet)_  
 _Silver:GAYFER!dress up as michael jackson and rape Tails!_  
 _Knuckles:(laughs evily) dress up as jill and pretend to be her fanboy_  
 _Sonic:makeout with amy and use tongue...I'm serious_  
 _HAPPY HALLOWEEN!_  
 _-Safarithecat_

Tails: (checking computer) Wow…nightmare Blaze looks…uggo. (I know, my great vocabulary!)

Jack: (runs out of closet) That makes it funnier! (gives Blaze the costume)

Blaze: (puts on costume) BOO!

Sonic: AAAAUUUUGGGGHHH! THE UGLINESS! RUUUUUUUUNNNNNN! (starts fleeing)

Shadow: (throws up) I can't stand to look at that ugly thing! AAAAHHHHH!

Blaze: (depressed)

Jack: Crap! We have to make her look sexy…I know! (puts a paper bag over Blaze's head) THERE!

Shadow: Hey! Who is that? Whoever she is, she looks kind of hot with that paper bag! (takes her into closet)

-Later-

Shadow: That was great! Let's move over for a sec and-AAAAAAAHHHHHH! THE BAG FELL OFF! (runs out of closet screaming)

Silver: (puts on Michael Jackson costume) I hate this. (gets hypnotized by Jill) Hee, hee! (starts doing dance moves)

Tails: So…am I still the host for this chapter?

Silver: (notices Tails) Hello little boy. Hee, hee! I've got some candy at my ranch!

Tails: Taking candy from strangers? I don't see any problem with that…(heads off with Silver)

Knuckles: (puts on fan boy costume) OMG! IT'S JILL! I WANT YOU RIGHT NOW!

Jill: Um…this is so weird…is this what it feels like for the bishies? (walks off disturbed)

Sonic: Ohhhhhh (bleep). Here we go…(makes out with Amy)

Amy: (pulls out of kiss) OMG! HE USED TONGUE! (does a fan girl sigh of happiness)

Sonic: Well, that's over with-

Amy: (grabs Sonic) NO! There's something else you can stick in me anytime also! (drags Sonic into closet grinning)

Jack: This show is filled with rapists…(shudders) Anyways, onward…

 _I dare the author to post these dares TODAY with the next chappie OR I WILL FIRE MORE CANNOS!_  
 _All because I feel like it: Sing Shut Up by the Black Eyed Peas. (Note to Author if you don't know the song Google it!)_  
 _Amy and Sonic: OK just Amy go in the Memorial Hospital Haunted House. On the second half with that creepy guy holding the head and knife scream like a Twilit Messenger_  
 _Author: I dare you to make fangirls almost kill the creepy guy ad sell Amy on EBay. DO kill the creepy guy, I mean. I was probably mentally afflicted._  
 _I. WILL. NEVER. GO. IN. A. HAUNTED. HOUSE. EVER. AGAIN._  
 _-Senom299_

Jill:…That's the most random review I've ever seen.

Jack: Well, we didn't succeed in getting it on that day, so…(cannons start firing on stage)

Eggman: (is blown up horribly) AAAAAHHHHHHH!

Everyone: (singing) Shut up, just shut up, shut up. Shut up, just shut up, shut up…

-Later-

Jack: That was actually a pretty cool song! And now for Haunted Houses! After enough searching, I found out that this haunted house is in Arkansas apparently! So let's send her there!

-At Haunted House-

Amy: I'm scared…(sees creepy guy) YAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Creepy guy: (clutches ears) Damn, that hurt!

Fan girls: (hear scream from outside)(charge inside angrily)

Creepy guy: (sees fan girls)(bleep) no!

Fan girls: (kill creepy guy, grab Amy)

-Later-

Jack: How do you sell a person online? (check computer) Oh, I see! The fan girls sold her body parts separately! On that gruesome note, we're now done with all of our Halloween dares! Hooray! Now we go all the way back to the reviews for chapter 18...

-Meanwhile, at Neverland Ranch-

Tails: (rubbing bottom) I…hate you…

Silver: Hee, hee! That was fuuuunnnn-

(door bursts open)

Chris Hansen: This is Dateline's To Catch A Predator! We've caught you!

Silver: (is suddenly no longer hypnotized) What the-OH (bleep)! (tries to run for it)

Chris Hansen: (easily tases Silver because Silver's so slow) Let's bring in this creep!

Police: (throw Silver in jail)

-Back on stage-

Jill: Hehe. I think we've done our job well when we have Silver on child molestation charges.

Jack: Oh, and we still need to make Cream evil! So…(gives her some tickets) These are to a festival that happens in the middle of the desert every August! And yes, due to Sega physics it has now just changed from Halloween to August!

Charmy: (revived) A festival? What kind?

Jack: You know what? Since you're so annoying, you should go too! (sends them to…Burning Man!)

Jill: I'm sure they'll have a splendid time there!

Jack: If that doesn't make Cream evil, I don't know what will!

I admit that this was a very short chapter, but there's some hilarious stuff I have planned for the next chapter! Until then…Halloween is finished!


	34. Eggman's ethnicity is revealed!

Eggman's ethnicity is revealed!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The Sonic characters are going to hate this chapter…

Silver: I hated jail! Especially once the fellow prisoners found out I was in for child molesting, and they started making me pick up the soap…(shudders)

Jill: That's your problem! Let's start going…

Jack: While searching around online, I learned an extremely cool fact! Eggman's first name is…Ivo!

Jill: Wait, so he's not Italian, but Russian?

Jack: Yes! And that makes him even more of a Bond villain rip-off!

Eggman: (glares) Fine. So the truth is out…

Jack: (hands Eggman a bottle of vodka) Drink up, comrade! CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG…

-Later-

Eggman: (dies of alcohol poisoning)

Cream: We're back from…(shudders) the concert!

Charmy: It was FUN!

Everyone: (notices that Charmy's pupils are dilated)

Jill: I'd better go check the car…(opens glove compartment)(a huge stash of cocaine pours out) CHARMY! You're now on drugs?

Shadow: You idiot, Charmy! When you hide drugs in a car, you should at least hide it in some place less conspicuous! For instance, I hide my drugs in the lining of the trunk-(notices everyone looking at him) Oh…..

Jill: (rips open trunk lining with knife) Damn it, Shadow! That is a lot of pot!

Jack: (waves finger at Shadow) Tsk, tsk! Shadow's a naughty druggie!

Jill: And Charmy!

Jack: Now it's time for another game! Get in a circle, all of you…(everyone does) Good! Now it's time to play…(pulls the pin on a grenade and throws it in circle) HOT POTATO! (runs off cackling madly)

Charmy: (catches grenade, throws it to Tails)

Tails: (catches greanade, throws it to Shadow)

Shadow: (catches grenade, throws it to Sonic)

Sonic: (catches grenade) Damn you! Um…(throws it to Amy)

Amy: (catches grenade) SONIC?! HOW COULD Y-(BOOM)

-Later-

Jack: You know what? This is the farthest we've gotten in a chapter without even getting to the reviews!

Jill: Well, then LET'S GET MOVING ALREADY! We shall begin…

 _Ah! I've recently recieved alot of homework, and I need to watch you all suffer really badly to help me feel better!_  
 _Tails: Castrate Sonic with a razor and sell his "package" to one of the fangirls._  
 _Eggman: Since you still seem to be a virgin, I want you to sleep with... METAL SONIC! You get to be the girl. (If Metal Sonic could do it in the closet orgy in chapter 12, he can do it now) Make sure you record everything and put it up on youtube, Jack._  
 _Cream: You must fight Cosmo, Unreal Tournament style. The first person to kill the other one five times will not be thrown to the fanboys 5 times during this chapter and the next one. However, Cosmo can use any weapon she wants, while you get nothing._  
 _Rouge: Since you're such a (bleep), you must be thrown to the ravenous fanboys, and remain there for the rest of the chapter!_  
 _Metal Sonic: Kill yourself as many times as you possibly can in the next hour._  
 _Big: you must wear an explosive belt, run near Charmy, Eggman, and Amy, and blow yourself up._  
 _Chaos: Since you're made of water, I want Tikal to zap you with a tazer wothout stopping until you recieve a truth or dare. If you die before you recieve one, you'll just be revived so that she can continue zapping you. (Electricity + water being = PAIN)_  
 _Sonic: You have been a complete jerk for almost the entire show so far. If Jack allows it, my axe and I are going to come up there and show you just how many different ways I can kill you._  
 _Amy: You don't seem to get along with Blaze much, so I want you to GIVE SONIC TO HER!_  
 _Knuckles: Get the Master Emerald, break it, and then volunteer to be a sacrifice for Jack, where he will kill you. If you do NOT want to do this dare, then tell me what the arctan of 90 is, without rounding the decimal, and without help._  
 _Charmy: Go (bleep) off all the fangirls and fanboys, without getting killed. (After he's done, throw him to the fangirls, and then the fanboys)_  
 _Mephiles: Strap him to a chair, and force him to watch the most boring TV show ever!_  
 _That's all for now, but I'm going to be back for even more! None of you are safe while I am unhappy! (Except for Tails) (Evil laughter)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Tails: (grabs razor grinning)

Sonic: (backs away panicking) Now Tails, think here for a second-AAAAAHHHHH!

-Later-

Fan girls: (all on laptops, competing in the greatest, most competitive, and highest priced auction in the history of mankind)

Tails: AHAHAHAHA! So much profit for me!

Eggman: But now I'm not a virgin anymore!

Jill: That doesn't matter to them! (summons yaoi fan girls)

Yaoi fan girls: (grab Eggman and Metal Sonic, drag them into closet)

Espio: (shudders) That brings back baaaad memories from earlier in this fic…

Jack: Nice! (sends Cosmo and Cream into UT)

Cosmo: (grabs a machine gun) Come here Cream…where are you…I've got a PRESENT!

-Meanwhile-

Jill: Goodbye, your bitchiness! (kicks Rouge into ravenous fan boy crowd)

Fan boys: (tear Rouge apart in struggle to get her)

Jack: Awwwww…I could be having fun down there!

Metal Sonic: Damn. (jumps into pool, starting electrocution)

Jack: (keeps reviving Metal Sonic in pool so he can be shocked to death again) Well, this is cheering me up! (gives Big the belt) Now head over to them!

Big: (puts on belt) Uhhhh…okay…(runs up to Charmy, along with a just revived Amy and Eggman) Uhhhh….what does this button do? (BOOM)

Jack: (applauding, sniffing) Explosions are always fun!

Tikal: (grabs taser) (tases Chaos while crying) Those poor Chao…all defenseless…

Jack: Stop crying, you tree hugger!

Tikal: (glares)

Sonic: I've been a jerk? How?

Jack: (sighs)(lights up a pipe) Where to begin…you've slept with almost everyone, you always try to be in the spotlight, you're a complete idiot, you rip-off Looney Tunes, and I always lose whenever I play as you in Super Smash Bros. Brawl!

Sonic:…That last one has nothing to do with the fic!

Jack: So? I still want to see you killed!

Kyle: (runs on stage with axe) YAAAAAHHHH! (starts butchering Sonic)

Sonic: AAAAAHHHHH! WHY MUST YOU START BY CUTTING OFF MY "Little Sonic" DOWN THERE?!

Jill: Damn…Kyle's good with an axe!

-After many torturous deaths later-

Kyle: (panting) And that…is just the beginning of the pain I can commit! Sonic hasn't even learned what I can do with a sword or gun or spear…

Amy: (revived) NOOOOOOO! My Sonic's DEAD! AGAIN?! Where's that goddamn Mephiles…

Jack: (revives Sonic) Actually, he's leaving you for Blaze!

Amy: WHAT?! But…I'm his most loyal fan girl and…(faints)

Blaze: Well, I guess he is my parallel universe double…so he would have the most in common with me…so sure! (takes Sonic into closet)

Knuckles: The arc…tan….of 9...0...damn!

Jack: No (bleep)ing way! I just learned this in my Honors Pre-Calc class! What a weird coincidence!

Knuckles: Fine, just kill me already…(breaks Emerald sobbing)

Jack: Time to sacrifice you…(stabs Knuckles, killing him)

Charmy: So much sex…ugggghhhh…(jumps into fan crowd, starts up prostitution)

Jack: And now it's time for Mephy's dare! (straps Mephy to a chair in front of a TV)

Mephiles: I'm not Mephy, damn it!

Jack: Fine. Be that way. (turns on TV)

Mephiles: Is that…the most boring show on TV ever?

Jack: Yes! Some manufacturers actually did this as an experiment on energy consumption by creating a ten minute, non-sensical TV program! (This is all true! Look it up!)

Mephiles: So...dull…(starts drooling, babbling incoherently)

Jill: (yawns) He's dying of boredom…again…

Jack: But that way to kill him has already been used! I've got a better idea! (grabs a knife, plays Mumblypeg on Mephiles' hand)

Mephiles: AAAAAAHHHHHH!

Blaze: (comes out of closet with Sonic) That was pretty fun to do again…(slaps forehead) Damn! I forgot to use the pill today!

Sonic: WHAT?! You mean…

Blaze: (uses test) Yep, I'm pregnant.

Jill: (jaw wide open) But…you were sleeping with your parallel double…so that's incest!

Jack: Or twincest! Or…whatever the hell you could call that!

Tails: (gasps) Wait…but if you both are from different universes, and are doubles, and have a kid…(starts doing random calculations) WE'RE RIPPING THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! (a gigantic black hole appears in the sky, starts sucking up everything)

Jill: WHAT DO WE DO?!

Jack: There's only one way out of this…Quickly, to the Juno set! (takes Sonic and Blaze there, has them do the quickest Juno movie ever!)

Black hole: (disappears)

Jack: (shakes Sonic) NOW DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!

Jill: Well, since we just stopped a space-time rip from sucking up and destroying all time and existence in this universe and Blaze's…who's up for MORE reviews to see what happens next?…

 _Okay, since superdragon thinks hes such a big shot, time to pile on the torture!_  
 _Amy: You must be in the game amorphous+_  
 _Tikal: You remember the quicksand? Well, do it again_  
 _Blaze: Admit to Amy that your a (bleep)._  
 _Silver: Get your head stuck up your butt. Come to think of it, EVERYONE do that._  
 _Charmy: Sugar rush in a Death Star! Then drink Chaos_  
 _Chaos: Drink yourself._  
 _Sonic: Get you head replaced with a boob_  
 _Amy: Do it also_  
 _Cosmo: Eat a whale carcass_  
 _Tails: get your head stuck in a pipe bpmb._  
 _Rouge: Duct tape. Have fun_  
 _Shadow: Heres a rocket launcher:_  
 _Sonic: Shave yourself bald_  
 _Espio: Fangirls. Closet. You know what to do_  
 _Eggman: Lay an egg._  
 _Jill: You have to let cream decapitate you and hide your head._  
 _Cream: (whispers so Jill cant hear) blow it up_  
 _Jack: You cannot interfere with any of the dares. Also, get your own fangirls_  
 _XD_  
 _Have everyone's mouth and eyes get erased, so there is just a blank face, then eat a jellyfish species of your choice, (first dare includes jill and jack._  
 _-Alterer_

Amy: (grabs hammer) I'm ready! (goes into Amorphous+)

Jack: (on computer) Wow…this game is surprisingly addicting! And I like the music too!

Amy: YAAAAAAHHHH! (starts a blob killing spree using her hammer instead of the giant knife)

Blue blob with spikes: (jumps on Amy, kills her in a bloody death)

Tikal: (grumbles)(puts her head into quicksand) MMPH! (drowns)

Jill: Whoa…that was unexpected!

Blaze: (heads up to a revived Amy) Amy…I'll admit that some of my actions were bit…slutty…

Amy: Really? What next, the sky is blue?

Blaze: (glares) SHUT UP! (tackles Amy, starts another fight with her)

Silver: How the hell am I supposed to do that?

Jill: Like this! (rolls him into a ball)

Jack: (rolls everyone else into a ball) I guess that works…

Charmy: (climbs out of fan crowd panting) That was a lot of work…and a lot of suffering when the fan girls dragged me off, followed by the fan boys…(shudders)

Jill: Ah! Just in time! (injects him with the sugar from 1000 Mountain Dews)

Charmy: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO! (jumps so high, he flies right into the Death Star)

Darth Vader: What is this annoying bee doing here?

Charmy: COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! (grabs controls of Death Star, start firing laser at random planets around the galaxy and blowing them up) AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Darth Vader: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

-Meanwhile-

Jack: Holy crap! I never realized until just now that the Eclipse Cannon/Space Colony ARK was a total rip-off of the Death Star!

Jill: Wow…so now SEGA will have to deal with lawsuits from both Looney Tunes and George Lucas!

(BOOM)(Death Star crashes nearby)

Charmy: (jumps out of wreckage) WHATDOIDONOW?!

Jack: (shoves Chaos into a water bottle) You look thirsty. Take this! (hands "water" to Charmy)

Charmy: (chugs bottle) That tasted kind of funny…(throws up Chaos)

Janitor: (grumbling) Stupid kids…drinking each other….(starts cleaning up)

Chaos: (grabs a straw, sticks it in arm and starts drinking)

Jill:…Nothing's happening.

Jack: Damn! That's because everything Chaos is drinking just keeps going back to its arm!

Jill: Well, that sucks! But now Sonic and Amy are going to have their own problems to deal with…

Jack: I don't even need to use my Author Powers for this dare! I have a better idea…(sends Sonic and Amy to Beverly Hills for cosmetic surgery)

-One Dr. 90210 surgery later-

Sonic: (comes back from the Hills with a boob attached onto his head) I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate you guys…

Amy: I can't even really see with this on!

Cosmo: (jumps out of UT) HA! I totally dominated that fight! (throws Cream to fan boys)

Cream: NOOOOOOOO! (gets dragged to the horny fan boys)

Jack: And now we have to take Cosmo on a trip to the beach…

-At the beach-

Jill: That poor beached whale! Oh well…(hands fork and knife to Cosmo) Eat up!

-Later-

Cosmo: (becomes really fat) Can't…eat…

Tails: Ugh. I can't believe I ever wanted to have sex with that! (walks off)

Cosmo: NOOOOOOOO!

-Back on stage-

Tails: Karma can't hurt me today-(gets pipe bomb shoved on his head by Jack) (bleep).

Rouge: (climbs out of fan boy pit and takes duct tape)(attaches Tails' head permanently to pipe bomb)

Jack: Whoa. I knew you could be evil, but damn!

Rouge: (grins) It's fun!

Tails: (starts working at bomb fuses) I guess the only way out is to rip-off a dramatic bomb unwiring scene…

Jack: Boo! That's boring! (throws rocks at pipe bomb) Come on, explode already-(BOOM) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Shadow: (takes rocket launcher) I was thinking about getting a promotion at GUN. Preferably VP…

Rouge: Hey! I'm one night of sex with the CEO-I mean, HARD WORK, away from getting that VP job!

Shadow: (runs off to GUN headquarters) Well, then we'll just see who gets there first!

Rouge: You're on! (also runs off to GUN headquarters)

Sonic: (grabs razor) I guess that this was inevitable…(goes to bathroom)

Espio: (sees fan girls) Well, at least I'm finally doing some chicks for once…(glares at yaoi fan girls)

Yaoi fan girls: WE KNOW YOU LIKE MEN! DON'T DENY IT!

Espio: Let's just go already…(goes into closet with Espio fan girls jumping in after him) OW! YOU ALL DON'T HAVE TO BE SO HARSH! AAAAAAAHHHHH!

Eggman: But I'm not a chicken!

Jack: That doesn't matter! AUTHOR POWERS!

Eggman: (clutches stomach) Ugggghhhhh…(lays egg) AAAAHHHHH! THAT (bleep)ING HURT!

Jill: Wow. Eggman is the last person I would've expected to swear!

Cream: (climbs out of fan boy pit) Hehehe! While I'm still evil, I can get my vengeance! YAAAAAHHHH! (grabs sword, chops off Jill's head, then packs it with explosives) DIE! (BOOM)

Jack: (revives Jill) That's it! We're going to traumatize the evil out of you, Cream! (throws Cream to really horny fan boys)

Really horny fan boys: YEEEEESSSSS! (do many things to Cream that will never get a G rating!)

Jack: Get my own fan girls? Well, I kind of already do have some fan girls of me…at school…(shudders at memories)

Jack fan girls: (go into crowd) OMG! IT'S JACK!

Jack: OH (bleep)! MY STALKERS! I guess they weren't satisfied just stalking me in the school hallways…

Jill: They just want your six-pack abs!

Jack:…True. (I'm not lying! Hint for all guys reading this: 40-60 sit-ups a night does wonders for your body! I guarantee you will get abs doing that!)

Sonic: (returns from bathroom bald)

Everyone: (laughing)

Sonic: (grumbles) What did I ever do for this?…

Jill: You chose to be a total jerk!

Sonic: (glares) Wait…how are we supposed to eat jellyfish with blank faces?

Jack: (shrugs) AUTHOR POWERS! (gives everyone blank faces, sets out jellyfish) I decided to use a really interesting type I found online…Turriptosis nutricula. What's unique about it is that it's immortal! (IT'S TRUE! LOOK IT UP!)

Blaze: (sniffs) FISH! RAWR! (goes into crazed frenzy, starts blindly killing everything within a ten mile radius)

Jack and Jill: (run away, fix faces, then turn on TV to see what's going on with Rouge and Shadow)

-Meanwhile, at GUN HQ-

Rouge: (breaks into office window) LET'S GO AT IT! NOW!

CEO: (sorting through some papers) Um…I'm kind of busy right now…(notices Rouge take her top off) (bleep) THAT! (starts making out with Rouge)

Shadow: (breaks in through door) STOP! I'll kill you if you continue! (points rocket launcher at CEO)

CEO: Hmmm…(holds up left hand in front of him) My life…(holds up right hand in front of him) Hot chick with big boobs…life…big boobs…

Rouge: I'll just say something that might convince you! I'm not wearing any panties…

Jill: (interrupting while watching TV) Is she ever?

CEO: Big boobs!

Shadow:…Damn. Well, I'll let you take the promotion on one condition…(grins) (approaches them)

Rouge: (also grins) A threesome it is! (starts taking off remaining clothes)

Jack: (drooling in front of TV) Oh yeah, baby…

Jill: (turns off TV) NO PORNO RIGHT NOW!

Jack: NOOOOOOOOOO! (sobs) Fine…

-Back on stage-

Blaze: RAW-AAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Jack: (uses a taser on Blaze) I had to use this for something…and now we get to the anonymous reviews…

 _im gonna give shadow a break,here are my dares(some people might not consider that a break but i dont care)_  
 _Shadow:go hyper shadow and bring blaze into the closet then make out with her every time someone curses.(says "bleep")_  
 _Silver:get blaze to push him into the fangirl pit and every time he gets out,jack,you have the choice to help him out or push him back in to suffer more._  
 _Blaze:turn into burnning blaze and go with shadow into the go back to normal and go back into the closet._  
 _Knuckles:OMG! rouge is stealing the master emerald!(dont tell him its over the fangirls)_  
 _Sonic:do amy until YOU squeal in pleasure._  
 _Rouge:make out with mephiles._  
 _Happy suffering!_  
 _-not telling_

Espio: (gets out of closet with yaoi fan girls) All of those Photoshopped yaoi porn pictures of me…(shudders)

Shadow: (arrives back on stage with Rouge) I love the slutty chicks…they're experienced!

Jill:…Too much information. (gives him powered up Chaos Emeralds)

Shadow: (turns into Hyper Shadow) I get to sleep with two hot chicks in one chapter? I am having fun…(grabs unconscious Blaze and takes her into closet)

-Later-

Blaze: (charges out of closet angry) WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALL LIKE RAPING ME WHEN I'M UNCONSCIOUS?! AUGH!

Silver: I never raped you…

Blaze: SHUT UP! (shoves Silver into fan girl pit out of anger) Whoops…

Fan girls: (screaming)

Silver: AAAAAHHHHH! (undergoes numerous tests by fan girls trying to find out if he's gay or not)

Jack: It doesn't look like he's getting out anytime soon…

Blaze: (turns into Burning Blaze) At least it's not rape this time…(heads back into closet)

Shadow: (from inside closet) Making things hot, huh? OH, (bleep)!

Knuckles: She's trying to steal it AGAIN?! (tackles Rouge) WHERE IS IT?!

Rouge: I don't know what you're talking about…

Knuckles: SHUT UP! (beats up Rouge)

Fan girls: (get away with Master Emerald)

(closet suddenly explodes)

Burning Blaze: (covers up) Wow…I guess that was a bit too much in sex…

Janitor: (rebuilds closet) Damn kids…having explosive, supernatural sex…

Amy: (reads dare) THAAAAANK YOOOOOOUUUUU! (drags Sonic into new closet with fan girl grip of doom)

Jill: Interesting…the most evil girl making out with the most evil guy!

Mephiles: I like the luscious ones…(starts making out with Rouge)

Jack: I see nothing…(focuses instead on reading next review)

 _SINCE TAILS IS DRESSED AS A BABY, MAKE HIM WET AND MESS HIMSELF_  
 _-ANONYMOUS_

Jack: It looks like someone had their caps lock on…

Tails: (puts on baby clothes) But I don't have to go right now!

Jill: We'll take care of that! (shoves laxatives and tons of pop down Tails' throat)

Tails: (goes in his diaper) (bleep)!

Shadow: (starts making out with Blaze)

Sonic: (from inside closet) Okay, Amy. You can stop now…AAAAHHHHH! NOT THERE! (starts squealing)

Blaze: Good! Now it's our turn again! (goes into closet with Shadow, kicks out Sonic and Amy)

Sonic: (shudders) When will this suffering end…

Amy: Teehee!

I have some news that's good for me, but bad for the fic. I got into my school's ski team! WOOT! But, this means I'll have less time to update from now on…(starts skiing down a mountain) Oh well…WHEEEEEEEEEE!


	35. Amy becomes a slut

Amy becomes a slut

That last chapter was our longest one yet! Over 4000 words…

Jack: (on computer) The new changes to FanFiction look sooooo cool…

Jill: Oh, we're back! But we are also extremely busy, so we've got to hurry with this chapter!

Jack: But first I have a question for Blaze…since you live in a parallel world, did you ever meet the Sliders? (TV show)

Blaze: (gets angry) YES! Those (bleep)heads tried to scientifically analyze the Sol Emeralds!

Jill: What were they thinking? Obviously Sega doesn't follow Physics!

Blaze: And then they just teleported away like there was no problem! That pissed me off so much…

Jack: Let's stop right there. We're getting off topic, and we have lots to do today…

 _Here's a benefit for Tails since he went through all that torture._  
 _Have Tails steal the Super Emeralds and Rings from Sonic, then enter his REAL Super Form (the one from sonic 3 & knuckles, with the super flickies with him) and KILL EVERYONE! for the rest of the chapter he cannot be thrown to the fangirls either, unless everyone else is as well._  
 _-TARDISreviewer_

Tails: (grabs Super Emeralds and a million rings)(turns into Super Tails) HAHAHAHAHA! (points his flying birds at everyone) ATTACK, MY MINIONS!

Everyone: (runs screaming as birds chase after them)

Jet: (is torn apart by birds) How ironic…

-Later-

Jack: (holds up tennis racket grinning) Here, birdies birdies…

Jill: (rolls eyes) They're long gone by now!

Jack: What?! So I can't kill them? Awwwww….(revives everyone)

 _Mephiles: In Sonic 2006, why didn't you just steal Elise's candy?_  
 _Elise: Throw her to the SonicXBlaze fangirls, then the SonicXBlaze fanboys, then the SonicXAmy fanboys, and finally the dreaded SonicXAmy fangirls!_  
 _-Pokelad_

Mephiles: She had…candy?

Jack: This refers to the stealing candy from a baby reference about your mission!

Mephiles: (glares) Yes, I had to make a little girl cry! I thought killing Sonic would be the best way, as it would get him out of my way as well!

Jill: Killing two birds with one stone…kind of literally!

Jack: (brings Elise on stage) Hey…I heard that the Sonic's in the crowd down there! (points to Sonaze fan girls)

Elise: Really? Interesting…(jumps into crowd) AAAAAHHHHH!

Sonaze fan girls: (beat up Elise, take her to their boyfriends so they can beat her up as well)

Jill: (waves) Sayonara, you useless plot device!

Sonaze fan boys: (do naughty stuff to Elise when girlfriends aren't looking, then throw her to SonAmy fan boys, who do the same as above, except even more brutally)

Elise: NOOOOOOOOOO! Don't take me to those fan girls down there-AUGH! (gets slaughtered by SonAmy fan girls)

Jack: (throws up upon seeing the ways Elise is killed) That's horrible…and I never thought those two words would come out of my mouth next to each other…

 _I haven't been able to stop laughing. Keep writing more! I check this every day to see if the next chapter is up._  
 _I have a few dares. (Evil laughter)_  
 _First, Remember you said Eggman was the only one that was still a virgin? Not true. Chaos!_  
 _Chaos need to go in the closet with someone...I use my wheel-O-randomness! And the winner is...Tikal!_  
 _I feel a bit bad for Metal Sonic and Mephiles...they both get picked on so much..._  
 _WHEEL-O-RANDOMNESS! Metal Sonic will go in the closet of love with...Amy!_  
 _And after they are done, Mephiles will go in the closet with...WHEEL-O-RANDOMNESS! Wow! Amy as well!_  
 _And that's my dares! I love this fic! And i have a gift for you! (Hands you The wheel-O-randomness) Have fun!_  
 _-Dark Blood_

Tikal: AUGH! I curse randomness! (heads off into closet with Chaos)

Jill: I'm not even going to try imagining how Chaos would have sex…

Janitor: (still cleaning up vomit) You'd better not…

-Later-

Tikal: (runs out of closet throwing up) You don't want to know what it was like…

Chaos: RAWR! (gets depressed)

Jack: Amy in a threesome? And with look-alikes of Sonic and Shadow? NICE! (shoves all three into closet)

Amy: (in closet) Umm…I don't even know HOW we'll have sex with a robot-AAHH!

Mephiles: I'm staying as far away from that robot as possible! I don't mind the girl one bit though…

-Later-

Amy: (comes out of closet with messy hair) I didn't like the robot, but Mephiles…who would have thought having sex with a half-god would feel so great?

Jack: (takes wheel of randomness) Neat! I think the reviewers are going to go CRAZY with this thing…

 _A quick dare_  
 _Sonic: Tell Amy you love her then after the next review tell her you lied._  
 _-Samari45_

Sonic: Aw jeez! (approaches Amy) Amy, I…love you! (starts running)

Amy: (fan girl squeal) HE SAID IT! (chases after Sonic) OH SONIC, I'M GOING TO BE YOURS FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER…

Jack: Run, Sonic! Into a dead-end alley, hopefully! Hahahahaha…

 _Hilarious fic. I didn't think it'd go on this long, really._  
 _Anyway, here are my dares:_  
 _Sonic: You must talk in a Scottish accent for the whole chapter._  
 _Tails: Scottish, Bronx, or British accent. The choice is yours._  
 _Blaze: Give Amy a firey fist in her face._  
 _Amy: Go in a closet with anyone but Sonic._  
 _Shadow: Go back in time to Normandy, France, 1945, and help win the war. You must get 500 headshots. CATCH: You must do it while you're on fire, no Chaos abilities or emeralds._  
 _Eggman: Do something new and original._  
 _-Anonymous_

Sonic: (runs back on stage) But the chapter's almost done!

Jill: That's why you both will speak in accents for all of the next chapter! And Tails' accent will be…(spins wheel of randomness) British!

Amy: (runs back on stage)…AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND-

Blaze: SHUT UP! (gives Amy a fiery punch in the mouth)

Amy: Owwww….

Sonic: Amy, I have something to tell you…I lied!

Amy: WHAT?! (starts sobbing) I can't believe this…well, I'm getting my revenge! I'm going to sleep with someone else!

Jill: (spins wheel of randomness) And the lucky guy is…Silver!

Silver: No! I don't want a crazy fan girl stalker!

Amy: Too bad! (grabs Silver, drags him into closet)

Shadow: (grabs machine gun) I wiped out an entire alien army! Nazis shouldn't be too much harder…(goes back in time to D-Day) YAH! I'm on fire! (starts rolling around to extinguish flames)

Nazis: (start shooting at Shadow)

Shadow: NO! DON'T FIRE IN MY DIRECTION! AH!

-Meanwhile-

Eggman: (craps his pants) I…have to go somewhere…

Jack: (laughing his ass off)(sets a monkey on Eggman)

Monkey: (starts hurling feces at Eggman)

Eggman: Ah! Why you…(starts hurling feces at monkey)

Jill: Run, everybody!

-Later-

Jill: Well…I've never heard of THAT happening before…

Rouge: Ha! I didn't have to do anything this chapter!

Jack: Not so! You see, I have my own dare for you…(grins) For all horny fan boys here, I dare you to go on Playboy magazine's next issue…as the centerfold!

Fan boys: (riot in celebration)

Knuckles: I'm joining the celebrating as well! (jumps into fan boy pit)

Rouge: (sighs) I guess I have to fulfill my obligation as a fan service…(heads off to Playboy mansion)

Shadow: (comes back from France) WOOT! This new Playboy will be a good reward for my fighting!

I know this announcement will sound ridiculous (especially since it's still November) but…now is the time to send in your Valentine's Day reviews! I've got some fun plans in store for the Sonic characters when we get to mid-February…


	36. Monty Python! Sweet!

Monty Python! Sweet!

Due to a request, we shall from now on do the really creepy dares in less graphic detail! Enjoy…

Jack: Are you ready to ROCK? And now, Sonic and Tails have to speak in accents for the whole chapter!

Sonic: (Scottish accent) Eh, fine!

Tails: (British accent) Bloody hell, this accent does not work well with me!

Jack: Don't complain. (holds up knife) Otherwise, I'll play some Mumblypeg with your hand!

Tails:…Sorry.

Jill: We've already started with threats! I like the way this chapter is going…

 _Alterer, I don't really think I'm a big shot, but if it encourages you to write more suffering reviews, then... (Puts on snazzy suit and tie) let's do it! Oh, Dark Blood, Chaos was in the Chapter 12 closet orgy, so he isn't a virgin._  
 _Espio: Teach Cosmo all of your awesome ninja moves._  
 _Vector: Here's enough money to start up the Chaotix Detective Agency again. Since I'm giving you the money though, I'll be taking 90% of your profit!_  
 _Cosmo: Kill Cream using your new awesome ninja moves, and broadcast the fight on international television._  
 _Shadow and Silver: You two, fight to the death! No powers or Chaos Control. I want just a bare-fisted brawl because it's about time we settled the Sonic '06 fiasco once and for all. I'll be taking bets on who will win off to the side of the stage._  
 _Froggy: Eat all of the Chaos Emeralds._  
 _Tikal: Dump Chaos into the sewers via any method you see fit._  
 _Omega and Gamma: You two must compete against eachother by tying up all the characters except Tails, Cosmo, Blaze, and yourselves, and then seeing who can shoot the most targets! The loser gets FIRED! (That means Blaze will burn the loser to a crisp)_  
 _Blaze: Give the Sol Emeralds to me bacause I need them for... something. (I want to destroy them by shooting them with the help of whoever won the shooting match between Gamma and Omega)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jack: Wow…you know you've got a popular fic when people are actually debating about parts of it! Coolness!

Espio: Cosmo? But she's a wuss…(takes her to a dojo)

Jill: He's probably going to get killed by one of our reviewers for saying that!

Vector: (takes money) Hooray! We're back in business! (reads profit margin) NOOOOOO! That's it! If he's taking that much of our money, then the agency will just go on strike! (grabs protest signs with Charmy)

Jack: (rolls eyes, then talks sarcastically) The world's worst detective agency…on strike! Oh, no. What will we do? Oh, wait…GET A BETTER ONE!

Vector and Charmy: (send angry glares at Jack)

Jill: Wow! Super Dragon's going to have a tough choice deciding between killing Espio first for the comment or killing Vector first for the strike!

Cream: There's so much death here…AH! (gets tackled by Cosmo, who uses a ton of karate moves to kill Cream)

Cosmo: YAH! YAH! Take that!

Espio: Well done, grasshopper!

Jack: And about the international TV…this fic has been viewed already in plenty of countries! We have had viewers from all of the following countries(I'm not lying! This is actually according to my Reader Traffic!): US, UK, Australia, Canada, Mexico, Norway, Sweden, Bermuda, New Zealand, Thailand, Poland, South Africa, Panama, Puerto Rico, Brazil, Germany, Taiwan, Ireland, Denmark, Slovenia, China, Singapore, Nigeria, Israel, Portugal, Belgium, Finland, Bangladesh, Venezuela, Estonia, Saudi Arabia, Netherlands, Latvia, Kuwait, India, Bulgaria, Hong Kong, Greece, Switzerland, Argentina, Lithuania, Iceland, and Malaysia!

Jill: Now you can ace all future geography tests by looking all of those up on a map!

Shadow: No Chaos Control?

Silver: No powers?

Everyone: (heads to side of stage, all place their bets on Shadow)

Silver: (glares) Sometimes, I really hate you guys…(starts fighting Shadow)

Shadow: YAH! (uses hover shoes to fly around Silver, totally beats the crap out of him)

Froggy: (looks a Chaos Emeralds) Ribbit! (Translation: I can't believe I once actually swallowed one of these…)(eats all seven of them) Ribbit! (Translation: Ugh…that energy doesn't feel good…)

Tikal: (gabs a plunger) Chaos, I'm sorry! (uses plunger to shove Chaos down a nearby toilet)

Chaos: RAWR! (goes into sewers)

Omega: Will do. (grabs rope, approaches everyone)

Silver: (crawls out of arena gasping) Help…me…AAAAAHHHHH! (gets tied up with everyone else besides exceptions)

Gamma and Omega: (aim guns slowly at everyone) Preparing….

Tails: JUST BLOODY SHOOT ALREADY!

Omega: Still loading ammo.

Gamma: Getting aim ready.

Cosmo: GET ON WITH IT!

Tails: GET ON WITH IT!

Jack: GET ON WITH IT!

Jill: GET ON WITH IT!

Shadow: (in next review with lightsaber) GET ON WITH IT!

Cream: (in next review with gun) GET ON WITH IT!

Rouge: (in next review in London) GET ON WITH IT!

Omega: Fine. (starts shooting contest with Gamma)

Jack: (gives Tails a high-five) I love using Monty Python jokes!

Sonic, Knuckles, and Eggman: (receive all of the shots)

Jack: It looks like Omega wins!

Gamma: (gets roasted by Blaze)

Blaze: (gives away Sol Emeralds) Now, don't be too violent with them…(sees Kyle shooting everyone else) NOOOOOOOOO!

Jill: (notices all of the dead Sonic characters) Wow…We're good at massacring…

 _Oh man, this story rocks! Are you still taking requests? If so then I've got a few:_  
 _Sonic: Get really really drunks and start belching "I'm a Little Tea Pot"_  
 _Knuckles: Get drunk too and start singing the Lumberjack Song from Monty Python! In Amy's dress!_  
 _Espio: You. Shadow. Rouge. Closet. Now._  
 _Tails: Give Big a piggy back ride all around New York City!_  
 _Shadow: Dress up as Anakin Skywalker and kill Amy with your new red lightsaber!_  
 _Cream: Get a ray gun and start shooting Espio while shouting "Yippie-Kay-Yay, Mother-F-er!". Then shoot Eggman the same way. Then Amy. Then everyone else (except Jack and Jill)._  
 _Amy: Make out in a threesome with Wave the Swallow (from Sonic Riders) and Tikal. ... And get Rouge and Sonic's sister Sonia in there too, somehow._  
 _Vector: It's your lucky day. You've gotta propose to Vanilla, then it's closet time!_  
 _Eggman: You and Amy get to be duct-taped to each other, back to back, for four chapters._  
 _Rouge: Get sent back into the year 1897 in London, England in the movie "The Great Mouse Detective"._  
 _Bella (my OC): Why did you say that last one?_  
 _Me: 'Cause I want her to meet Ratigan and Fidget._  
 _Bella: Ratigan, as in that rat who tried to take the throne?_  
 _Me: Yep._  
 _Bella: And Fidgit, as in that broken-winged peg-legged bat that works for him?_  
 _Me: Yep._  
 _Bella: ... Do I have to ask why?_  
 _Me: Because my evil thoughts have hatched an idea for something she should do there._  
 _Bella: ... WTF?!_  
 _Me: MUAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _-Cartoonatic55_

Jack: (revives everyone) Russkie, get us some vodka!

Eggman: (glares) You don't need to call me Russkie…(heads to liquor store)

Espio: I finally get to sleep with the chick everyone else has slept with…yay? (heads into closet with Shadow and Rouge)

Rouge: (moaning in closet) OH YEAH! USE YOU HORN LIKE THAT!

Tails: (grabs Big) I…am...so…dead….(collapses)

Big: Uhhhh…why does everyone like carrying me?

Tails: Gack! (tries a vain final attempt to carry Big before being crushed))

Tails fan girls: NOOOOOOO! MR. FLUFFY!

Eggman: (comes back carrying crates of vodka) Here you go!

Jack: (puts vodka into a keg) This is for Sonic and Knuckles! We're doing a drinking game! Every time Tails says "Ow" while carrying Big around New York, you two have to drink up!

Jill: That's a creative way to get them drunk! (sends Tails and Big to New York)

Tails: Ow….(bleep)ing traffic…ow…aye, this pisses me off…ow…

Sonic and Knuckles: (get totally wasted)

Jack: (hands Sonic some keys) You look like you're in a great condition to drive!

Sonic: (throws up) Th-th-thanks, laddie…(drives off with car veering all over the road)

Amy: (gives Knuckles a dress) Now sing!

Knuckles: (puts on dress) I-I'm a l-lumberjack a-and I'm okay…(hiccup)

Jack: YAY! MONTY PYTHON!

-Meanwhile-

Sonic: (gets pulled over by cops) I-I'll prove my (hic) sobriety, o-ocifer! (does Teapot Song in burps) I'm a little (hic) teapot, short and stout! Here is my (hic) handle, here is my-AAAAHHH! (stumbles, stops burping) Ummm…(hic) Is there a r-redo?

-Back on stage-

Jack: (doubling over in laughter while watching footage of Sonic's arrest)

Knuckles: (still singing) I-I cut down t-trees. I wear h-high heels. S-suspendies, a-and a bra.

Jack: (on floor gasping) Can't…stop…laughing…

Shadow: (heads out of closet in time to see Knuckles in dress) Wow…things have become a lot different since I went in a few minutes ago…

Jill: Hey! You get to do a cool dare! (gives Shadow a Jedi outfit with lightsaber)

Shadow: (puts on outfit) This sword's pretty (bleep)ing awesome! May the force be with…me! (stabs Amy)

Jack: (in a gangster voice) OH! Amy got SHANKED!

Amy: It feels so…warm and fuzzy! (That's what she said! XD)

Jack: Now all of the Sonic fics out there are probably going to be loaded with "That's what she said" jokes! Sweet!

Shadow: Let's finish this…(slices Amy in half)

Cream: (grabs ray gun, then grins like a maniac) YIPPIE-KAY-YAY, MOTHER(bleep)ER! (goes on shooting rampage)

Jill: Go, Bruce Willis-I mean, Cream! (runs with Jack up to a mountaintop cave with seven locked vault doors traps strewn all over)

Espio: (heads out of closet with Rouge) Isn't the world just such a wonderful place-AAAAHHHH! (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep)! (gets mutilated by lasers)

-After the gruesome war on everyone-

Jack: (revives everyone) This is one of our funniest chapters yet!

Amy: Why does everyone want me to be slutty? (gets hypnotized)(grabs Wave and Tikal and starts making out with them)

Wave: Oh, my gosh! Like, seriously stop! (that's what Wave's voice kind of sounds like to me!)

Jill: Somehow? You're saying it as though it's hard to get Rouge into a makeout session! (throws Rouge into Amy's kissing fray)

Rouge: Let go of me, you crazy hedgehog-Ah!

Jack: Sonia from Sonic Underground? Alright…(throws her to Amy also)

Amy: (is de-hypnotized) Sonic? Is that you in purple dye?

Sonia: No, you're making a mist-Ah! (slaps Amy) Don't make out with me!

Amy: (realizes her mess-up) You're not Sonic? Then…(runs off screaming)

Vector: (grabs ring, starts blushing) Um, Vanilla…will you marry me?

Vanilla: How cute…well, sure!

Cream: MOM! You can't be serious! I don't want him to be my dad!

Tails: (comes back from New York) And I don't want him to be my father-in-law! (notices Cosmo glaring at him) I mean…

Vector: Time for some action! (heads into closet with Vanilla)

Jack: (reads next dare) MUAHAHAHAHA! (grabs duct tape) This chapter is so fun! (tapes up Eggman, grabs Amy from far away, and tapes her to him)

Eggman: NO! I'll do anything rather than spend four chapters next to that crazy fan girl!

Amy: Get me away from this creep!

Eggman: I'm the creep? You're stalking Sonic all the time and…(starts up angry bickering with Amy)

Rouge: I'm getting out of here before those two drive me insane! (heads into movie)

Ratigan: MUAHAHA! I shall rule over all!

Rouge: (heads into lair)(notices Fidget) Ugh…

Ratigan: (notices Rouge) Whoa…who hired a stripper for us?

Rouge: (glares) I hate this place…

Ratigan: I'll let you out if you let me ride you, baby!

Rouge:...I guess I don't have a choice...

-Back on stage-

Jack: Warning: Be aware that the following reviews are just…wow…I can't describe them…

 _give tails aurthor powers no one takes them away (including u jack and jill)also tails u cant use them all the time also rape sonic then shadow the knuckles then knuckles and shadow have sonic carry knuckles turn chaos into a girl get (bleep)by knuckles kill sonic and shadow oh and cosmo burns her makes her immortal burns forever takes cream glomps her yayayayayayaya oh kunckles u know u like cream (chuckles evil like )_  
 _im necrophillia bicth the son of tails and rouge prower jhahahahahahahahhahahahahha_  
 _-tails blackheart_

Jill:…I don't know where to start. Half of that review made no grammatical sense whatsoever!

Tails: Blimey! I get Author Powers! (reads next dare) Oh no…

Yaoi fan girls: (sweep up Tails)(take him, Sonic, Knuckles, and Shadow into a van)

Jack: Oh (bleep)! The fan girls have a shaggin' wagon!

Van: (starts rocking a lot)

Jill: Wait…without Author Powers, how are you going to turn Chaos into a girl?

Jack: This requires…more cosmetic surgery! (sends Chaos to Beverly Hills)

-Another Dr. 90210 session later-

Chaos: (comes back transgender) RAWR!

Jack: Don't worry, it's just for the dare! (throws Chaos to yaoi fan girls)

Knuckles: (gets thrown out of van, taken to Chaos by yaoi fan girls)

Chaos: RAWR!

Jill: Is it yaoi, or het, or what?

Jack:…I don't even want to know…

Cosmo: (starts burning) AAAAHHHHH!

Cream: (receives glomp) Thanks!

Shadow: (run out of van with Sonic) We made a break for it! But we had to leave Tails behind…(shudders)

Knuckles: Why do I have to kill them? Whatever…(does his super powered punch to crush them both into the ground)(Note: This would have been done in more detail, but I made that promise at the top, so we won't describe it)

Jack: Now respond to the reviewer's allegation!

Knuckles: (climbs onto stage) I'm fine with any chick!

Cream: You'd better not like me! I would never go out with an idiot like you!

Knuckles: (sobs)

Jill: (shakes fist in anger at Cream) Why are you so mean to him? On the other hand, this means I don't need to kill you…

 _oh have tails get rouge or amy pregent and have tails kill sonic then torture shadow here gives eggman rocket launcher bring back sonic kill him again im watching u u better do it_  
 _oh yeah no mess with the pregency yay_  
 _oh yeah have blaze burn silver while haveing sex burn his dick off im insane_  
 _-always your tails blackheart a.k.a. necrophillia_

Tails: (flees out of van with yaoi fan girls in hot pursuit) YAAAHHHHH!

Rouge: Since this reviewer is claiming to be the kid of me and fox boy, then doesn't that mean he already knocked me up at some point in the past?

Jack: True! Therefore, Amy shall be the one!

Tails: (climbs onto stage panting) I'm so…exhausted!

Jill: Why don't you charge up with some of this? (hands Tails some Kool-Aid)

Tails: (drinks it up) I suddenly feel so horny…

Jack: That's probably due to the aphrodisiacs we slipped in your drink!

Tails: What? (is thrown into closet with Amy while Vector and Vanilla are kicked out)

Amy: (in closet) Tails, that feels good…WHOA!

-Later-

Jack: (revives Sonic and Shadow) So, how's the lucky father?

Tails: WHAT?! That was a jerk move by you guys…

Amy: (rolls eyes) Just get me to the Juno set already.

Jill: Sorry, but we're not allowed to mess with the pregnancy!

Amy: NO (bleep)ING WAY! I'd be fine if this was Sonic's kid, but Tails…

Tails: I'm so (bleep)ing bummed out…(pulls out guns) A killing spree should cheer me up! (kills Sonic, then starts torturing Shadow by shooting him in all non-vital places)

Shadow: AAAAHHHHH! You just have to start right between the legs…(collapses in pain)

Sonic: (revived) What am I here now for-(BOOM)

Eggman: (laughing) I did what took me millions of games to do!

Jack: Yeah, but through a sissy move, just like Mephiles!

Eggman: (glares)

Blaze: Wow…Silver's going to hate me for this! (goes into closet)

Jack: Hey Silver! Blaze is in the closet right now, and she's feeling very horny!

Silver: Really? I can finally prove my sexual orientation to everyone! (heads into closet)

-A few hours later-

Amy: (bleep)! I'm going into early labor! But how can I unless…TAILS!

Tails: What? The reviewer gave me Author Powers!

Amy: (heads to hospital and has baby, shouting in Tails' face the whole time)

Tails: (immediately "misplaces" kid in adoption ward)

-Back on stage-

Silver: (in closet) Okay Blaze, I think we're done…Blaze, let me go now…BLAZE! PLEASE STOP! AAAAAHHHHH!

Blaze: (walks out grinning and putting dress back on) That was too easy!

Silver: (runs out of closet crying)

Everyone: (pointing at Silver, laughing)

Silver: I'm so embarrassed…but I'm also Japanese…so that means (grabs knife) Goodbye, dishonoring world! (commits Hari-kari)

Jack: We knew we would inevitably get someone to do that! Hooray!

Jill: Go, peer pressure!

A very demented ending…but this was a pretty good chapter!


	37. Pure Insanity plus Star Wars!

Pure Insanity plus Star Wars!

Now my workload has increased significantly! But instead of doing my homework, I am typing up this next chapter! Why, you may ask? Because doing my homework first would be too logical!

Jill: How's the fan girl war been going?

Sonic: Well, they've been under a trench warfare stalemate for a long time now…

Jack: (looks out at area between trenches, a.k.a. land of no return) Whoa…I've never seen so many plushie bombs in one field!

Knuckles: Fan girls are a brutal species…(shudders)

Jack: But this review may change the outcome of things….

 _hi!now i will make people happy and make them suffer_  
 _sonic:i heard somewhere that you are easily distracted by anything ...(shows sonic a shiny new nickle)_  
 _shadow:go into the closet with a fangirl._  
 _silver and blaze:switch bodies._  
 _gamma:kill amy as many times as you like._  
 _metal sonic:i don like into an incinerator_  
 _tails:kill cosmo with fire_  
 _knuckles:go into the closet with jill_  
 _cosmo and cream:make peace,then go into the closet and have sex_  
 _until next time._  
 _and i am on._  
 _JASL;FDGHVMJGCMUIYKJX,MCNNMHCUYTC JIMANY FLIM FLAM BRU HA HA!_  
 _OK,i am done._  
 _-Gunslinger 117_

Sonic: (looks at nickel) Oooooooo...shiiiiiiny…

Shadow fan girls: (cheer loudly, wanting to do their favorite bishie)

Shadow: (sighs) Who do I choose…

Random fan girl: (jumps onto stage screaming while covered in red and black paint)

Jack: Perfect! That girl looks crazy enough for you! (shoves her and Shadow into closet)

Shadow: (in closet) Get off of me! AGH!

Jack: Back to body switching already? AUTHOR POWERS! (switches Silver and Blaze)

Blaze: (looks down shirt grinning) Thanks…

Silver: (slaps Blaze) You don't have to be so pervy about this!

Jill: Ha! Now Silver literally slaps like a girl!

Blaze: (glares)

Gamma: Attacking fan girl now. (starts up another Amy killing spree)

Amy: (runs off stage) YAH!

Metal Sonic: Preparing for end. (jumps into nearby incinerator)

Jill: Didn't he kill himself by burning to death in the movie as well?

Jack: Oh yeah…you mean with the Terminator rip-off ending!

Tails: (bleep)! Well, I have to do this…(throws Cosmo also into incinerator)

Cosmo: AAAAHHHHH! (roasts to death)

Shadow: (runs out of closet, throws random fan girl into crowd before heading off to sulk) Stupid (bleep)ing crazy fan girls…

Knuckles: And now I have to deal with one…(heads into closet with Jill)

Jack: (revives Cosmo, switches back Blaze and Silver) Now it's time for peace!

Fan girls: NOOOOOOOO!

Jack: Too bad! This war's been going on for too long, and needs to be resolved!

Cosmo: I'm not giving Tails to you!

Cream: And I'm not giving him to you!

Jack: Then neither of you get him! You need to do the next dare instead!

Cosmo: (sighs) Well, I guess that brings a temporary peace…(gets dragged by yuri fan boys into closet with Cream after kicking out Knuckles and Jill)

Fan girls: (stop warring, are utterly confused)

Jill: I understand your confusion! You've been fighting for your favorite fluffy's heart, and now he suddenly has no love interest, being rejected by both!

Tails: (sobbing)

Random Tails fan girl: Wait! With Cream and Cosmo gone…WE can be his love interest!

Tails fan girls: (scream) FLUFFY! (grab Tails, take him into crowd)

Tails: NOOOOOOO!

Jill: Wow…that relationship is kind of one-sided…

 _I dare you to give Cosmo and Cream Jedi powers and have them battle to the death with lightsabers (make Cream's green and Cosmo's red). And to set the mood while they're fighting, play the Imperial March. You know, dun-dun-dun-dun-da-dun-dun-da-dun! Dun-dun-dun-DUN-da-dun-dun-da-dun!_  
 _-Bad-to-the-Bone457_

Jack: (sends away yuri fan boys) No more sex! The war is on again!

Cosmo and Cream: (grab lightsabers)

Janitor: (plays Imperial March on loudspeakers)

Jill: Wait…isn't red supposed to be the evil side's lightsabers?

Jack: So this reviewer is also TailsCream! Interesting…

Cosmo: Hehehe…with our cookies, the Dark Side will now always win!

Cream: Not so…for we have candy!

Cosmo: COOKIES!

Cream: CANDY! (starts up an epic lightsaber duel)

Fan girls: (start warring again, only this time also arguing about cookies or candy alongside Cream or Cosmo)

Tails: (climbs back on stage, watches duel) Wow…they both still like me!

Jill: While there's debate over which is better between cookies and candy, I think we can all agree that…POCKY WILL RULE THE WORLD! AHAHAHAHA! (Google Pocky if you don't know what it is!)

Jack: And now…for something completely different! (Monty Python, of course!)

Jill: Let's get to some anonymous reviews…

 _I am only going to cause suffering.(for most characters)_  
 _Blaze:do shadow in the closet and like it_  
 _Shadow:get tied up and used as a target for charmy's archery_  
 _Silver:throw him to the fangirls,get him out have shadow kick his butt,then throw him back in and,jack, you have the choice to help him out afterwards OR you could knock him back in for more torture *evil laughter*_  
 _Knuckles:makeout with jill_  
 _Rouge:throw her to the fanboys_  
 _Sonic:lets see if you can out run amy WITHOUT your super speed!_  
 _Amy:get killed by everyone once_  
 _Tails:choose your girlfriend until your head explodes like blaze's did!_  
 _Happy torturing! MUA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _-Safarithecat_

Blaze: MORE Shadaze? Everyone loves having me sleep with hedgehogs…(heads into closet with Shadow) OH! Nice…

Silver: (cries) This must be karma for looking down her shirt earlier…

Jill: And to worsen your luck…(throws Silver into fan girl crowd)

Blaze: (drags a tied-up Shadow out of closet)

Shadow: You bitch! You sleep with me, and now you're subjecting me to torture from that insect?

Charmy: Hey! (pulls out bow) Now you've made me really angry! (starts shooting at Shadow)

Shadow: OW! You got me in the EYE! Ugh…

Jill: And now I have my own business to take care of…(grabs Rouge by her ears)

Rouge: Yowch! Ears are really sensitive, you know-AAAHHH! (is thrown to fan boys)

Jill: (wipes hands together) With that out of the way…(pounces on Knuckles, glomps him, and gives him a very one-sided makeout session)

Jack: (injects Sonic with X-Lax) Now the fun begins!

Sonic: That…(pants) makes me feel so exhausted…

Jack: (releases Amy out of a nearby cage) There's your bishie!

Amy: OMG! Come here, Sonic!

Sonic: (attempts to run, but collapses)

Amy: (grabs Sonic) FINALLY! And now I know how I can have you forever…(drags him to Death Star)

Sonic: (weakly) No…

Silver: (climbs back onto stage) Is it over?

Shadow: (tackles Silver) I'm afraid not. (punches him a couple of times, then throws him to fan girls)

Jack: I'll keep Silver in there for now…

Amy: (comes back carrying Sonic, who is now frozen in carbonite) YAY! I can't wait to put him in my shrine!

Jack: But first…(sharpens kitana) We have to kill you. A : But-but I…(starts mumbling) All of you are just keeping me from my bishie…

Jack: (stabs Amy with kitana) HA!

-One million "demonstrations" of how to kill a fan girl later-

Tails: But…they're still dueling! So I can't know but…AH! Can't…choose…(head explodes)

Cosmo: (stops fighting) NOOOOOOO!

Cream: This is your fault! (chops off Cosmo's head)

Fan girls: (continue fighting unabated)

Jack: Now we get to another complex review…

 _I dare shadow and maria to sing waka laka. Give Jill a Sniper Rifle and let have a go at all the other Knuckle fangirls. Have Knux get Jill pregnant. Have Shadow have a threesome with Maria and my fan character Nara, the purple dragon in the crowd, and get them pregnant. Let Nara keep her baby, but Maria has to let hers be adopted by a shadow/maria fangirl. Make Rouge and Amy switch bodies. No Juno for this chapter and the 4 chapters._  
 _-Empress Ryu_

Jack: (listens to song) Most. Random. Song. Ever!

Jill: We found a new source of insanity in this fic!

Shadow: (listens to song)…I'm not singing that.

Jack: (pulls out shotgun) Well, you have no choice! This chapter has already been extremely crazy, and this would be a peak of insanity! Now SING, damn it!

Shadow and Maria: (singing) Waka Laka's a thing to play forever, Just to be together…

-After the fast-paced song-

Jill: (laughing her ass off) But the fun's just started for me! (grabs Sniper Rifle, jumps into fan girl crowd) YAAAHHHH! (goes into crazed mode, starts shooting anything that shows any love to her bishie)

Knuckles fan girls: (start fighting amongst each other)

Jill: (climbs back on stage) Ha! And I've done something none of you fan girls have done…I have the bishie's baby!

Everyone: (gasps)

Knuckles: (slaps forehead) I knew I was forgetting something when I went in the closet with you earlier…

Jack: (rolls eyes) You forgetting something? Imagine that…(reads next part) NO OCs! AUGH!

Shadow: (backs away slowly from Jack) Okay, okay! I won't have sex with the OC!

Jack: Just get in the closet with Maria already! (shoves them both in) And to speed things up…AUTHOR POWERS! (switches Rouge and Amy just as Rouge climbs back on stage)

Rouge: (hugs frozen Sonic) I wuv you soooo much!

Amy: (sighs) Now I'm flatter than before…and my legs aren't that great either…

Rouge: (bleep) YOU, WHORE! (tackles Amy, scars her horribly with punches and kicks)

Amy: (spits out blood) You do realize that you just beat up yourself, right?

Rouge: (slaps forehead) Damn!

Shadow: (heads out of closet with Maria) Alright, she's knocked up! Now can we get the Double Juno with the crazy fan girl and idiot underway? (receives glares from Jill and Knuckles)

Jack: (switches back Rouge and Amy) Sorry! No Juno for 4 chapters! You have to give it to a crazed fan girl!

Shadow/Maria fan girls: (start slowly assassinating one another one-by-one)

Jack: Let's just get to the hospital so we can cause some fan girl riots outside of the building!

-At the hospital-

Fan girls; (protesting outside0 WE WANT OUR BISHIES! WE WANT OUR BISHIES!

Shadow: (shudders) I'm scared to head outside…

Maria and Jill: (have babies)

Shadow: Which fan girl do we give this to…(puts baby outside of hospital doors, then runs for his life)

Shadow/Maria fan girls: (start up gang wars over who keeps the baby)

Knuckles fan girls: (charge into hospital, take away Knuckles' baby)

Jill: Damn it! I was soooo close to getting Knuckles this time!

-Back on stage-

Jack: Let's add a final touch of crazy to this chapter…

 _I dare Shaodw to have to make out with Sonic's Sister SOnia from Sonic underground. (and like it!)Sonic must be in the room. And mabye tie him up so that he and Shadow don't kill each other!_  
 _-sugirl_

Shadow: Today, I have been getting lots of ladies! (starts making out with Sonia in front of Sonic "statue")

Sonia: Mmm…damn, you emos taste good!

Sonic: (would go on a killing spree if he wasn't frozen at the moment)

Jill: Well this was quite a chapter! And remember…POCKY RULES! (throws some pocky at everyone, then runs off laughing maniacally)

Everyone: (Awkward silence)

-Later-

Amy: (drags Sonic into shrine) Hooray! Now Sonic will never run away again! (glomps him)(spends the next few weeks just constantly glomping on to him)

Now Sonic is the one who suffers a terrible fate at the end of a chapter! I hope you enjoyed our craziest chapter yet!


	38. The problem with celebrity status

The problem with celebrity status

I have sad news! For this winter at my school, I have 2 Honors and 2 AP classes…in the same tri! Combined with my ski team, I doubt I'll be able to update this fic often…weekly if I'm lucky! So if you're planning to send in any reviews at the current time, don't expect them to be answered on this fic until the spring!

-In Amy's Sonic Shrine-

Jack: (grabs welding torch) Amy, that goddamn crazy fan girl…making me go all this way just to rescue this idiot…(unfreezes Sonic)

Sonic: AH!…Phew, no more Darth Vader…

Jack: (kicks Sonic out of shrine) Just go already!

-Later-

Jill: (looks up at Mount Reviews)(gulps) I wouldn't be surprised if astronauts could see this mountain of reviews from space!

Jack: (comes on stage) It's here! Rouge is in Playboy! (throws magazine copy to fan boys)

Fan boys: (cheering)(treasure magazine forever as a holy relic)

Rouge: (glares) Are you all done being horny yet?

Fan boys: NEVER!

Jack: (cheers) Horniness forever! Now it's time to introduce a new horror. Since you all are such celebrities, you all have to have your own (unveils curtain) PAPARAZZI!

Paparazzi: (jump onto stages, start taking pictures and spreading rumors as usual)

Sonic: (starts running) AAAHHHH!

Paparazzi: (chase after Sonic while taking pictures)

Amy: (confronts paparazzi, starts hitting their cameras with her hammer) HEY! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SONIC'S STALKER!

Paparazzi: (start spreading dirty rumors about Amy)

Amy: Damn you…(runs off crying, dragging Eggman behind her)

Jill: Take that, celebrity status!…

 _Lol, this is the funnyest fanfiction I've seen in a while._  
 _Charmy: Take Samus's arm cannon, and set it to Hyper Beam, then shoot anyone you want. And no one can do anything to him after werds. (Give's Charmy Samus's arm cannon)_  
 _Tails: Tails has to stay in the air for the hole chapter. And every time he touch's the ground, Charmy get's to shoot him with a Hyper Beam._  
 _Sonic: I dare you to eat the mater emerald in frount of Knuckles._  
 _Knuckles: You have to go the hole chapter with out being tricked by Eggman. If you do get Tricked, Charmy get's to shoot you with the Hyper Beam._  
 _Amy: Go the hole chapter with out calling Sonic Sonikku (Or how ever you say it). If you do, Carmy get's to shoot you with the Hyper Beam._  
 _Cream: ... I can't do it. Your off the hook for this chapter._  
 _Shadow: Go the hole chapter with out getting angry. If you do get angry, Charmy get's to shoot you with the Hyper Beam._  
 _-Toko the Pikmin master_

Charmy: (grabs cannon) I like the look of this! First off….(starts shooting the TailsCream fan girls) I WANT HER! (turns to Tails) NOW FLY, FOX BOY! (starts shooting at Tails)

Tails: (jumps up, starts flying) AAAHHHH!

Jack: Cool! I knew that somewhere VERY deep, Charmy must have an evil side!

Sonic: This isn't going to agree with my stomach too well…(swallows Master Emerald whole, then collapses from suddenly getting overweight)

Knuckles: (appalled expression) How…could you?!

Eggman: I told you! This whole time, Sonic's always wanted the Master Emerald!

Knuckles: Really? I guess you were right…(gets blown up by Charmy)

Jack: I can't believe that I would ever do this on the fic, but…(high fives Eggman) That was awesome!

Eggman: (blushing) R-really? (starts tearing up)

Jack: (backs away) Whoa, you don't have to overreact!

Amy: (runs back on stage) WHAT?! But in Japan, his original name is Sonniku-(BOOM)

Eggman: That was good aim…she was still duct-taped to me, yet you managed to only blow her up!

Jack: Eggman and Charmy have both just gone up a rung on the social ladder of coolness in this fic!

Cream: Yippie!

Cosmo: (glares) I'll get her next chapter…

Shadow: But what if someone pisses me off?

Jill: Then you'll just have to learn self-control!

Shadow: That's so easy for you to say…

Jack: Don't make me sic the paparazzi on you!

Shadow: (gulps)

Jill: Heading onwards…

 _Jack: You are an evil person just like me. Here is a plate of cookies._  
 _Dares from me:_  
 _Tails: You are immuned to other dares for this chapter._  
 _Jack: If anyone gives a dare to Tails, you must kill Amy. I don't care how you kill her just make her suffer._  
 _Knuckles: You are immuned to dares, but there's a catch. You have to sit next to Jill all chapter and let her do whatever she wants without complaining._  
 _Sonic: Everytime someone gives a dare to Knuckles you can head to the closet. With Blaze of course._  
 _Shadow and Eggman: You two to the Closet!_  
 _Tikal, Chaos, Charmy, Silver, Froggy, Big: Jack gets to blow you up with grenades._  
 _Amy: You get tied up and have to watch Blaze and Sonic every time they go in the closet._  
 _Cosmo and Cream: Here's some advice: Stay away from Tails for the next three chapters. If you do go near him, I'll be mad._  
 _Amy and Blaze: Closet!_  
 _Cream: I dislike you. And for that, you must get thrown to the TailsxCosmo fangirls._  
 _Shadow: I want you to be killed by Sonic in the most violent way possible._  
 _Those are my dares. Jack you rule and give me something to look forward to everyday. I only hope this torture is good enough._  
 _-notthenewkid_

Jack: COOKIES! (gulps them all down) Go Dark Side! Woot!

Tails: Thank you!

Jack: Well, I guess that's a compromise we can all benefit from!

Knuckles: (gulps) I'd rather take the dares!

Jack: Too bad! (shoves him next to Jill)

Jill: MR. BISHIE?! (glomps him) YAAAY!

Knuckles: (gasping) Can't…feel…torso…

Sonic: (throws up Master Emerald) I told you all so…and I guess that dare's pretty cool!

Jack: Hey, where's some suffering around here? (reads next dare, then grins) I spoke too soon… (laughs evilly while summoning yaoi fan girls)

Yaoi fan girls: HOT BISHIE! (grab Shadow)

Eggman: Hey, they aren't grabbing me! They're too busy glomping Shadow!

Jack: I'll help with your problem! (shoves Eggman and Amy into yaoi fan girl crowd)

Yaoi fan girls: (drag Eggman and Shadow into closet)

Shadow: (in closet) NO! NOT WITH HIM! AAAAAUUUUUGHHHH!

Amy: (in closet) Too bad I'm not as much of a yaoi fan girl anymore…otherwise I would enjoy being stuck in here!

Jill: I just noticed something. In that review, the symbol to the right of that dare forms a happy face or a grumpy face depending on which way you look at it!

Jack: (opens up crate of grenades) THANK YOU! (plays a lot more of "Hot Potato" with the characters mentioned)

Big: (holds Froggy in one hand and grenade in another) Uhhh…what do I do?

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: LET GO OF ME, DAMN YOU! YOU'RE GOING TO GET US BOTH KILLED-)(BOOM)

Chaos: (gets blown up to the four corners of Mobius)

Tikal and Charmy: (easy targets)

Silver: (holds grenade in place with powers) Ha! You can't get me!

Jack: (keeps continuously throwing grenades at Silver)

Silver: (sweating) Too…many…to hold…at once…(BOOM)(gets blown up in a gigantic explosion)

Jack: Did you know that Silver's eyes were blue?

Jill: What?

Jack: Yeah! One blew east, and one blew west! (If you don't get this joke, pronounce it until you do)

Eggman: (heads out of closet shuddering)

Amy: I'm kind of already tied up here with this duct tape!

Cream: Well, this reviewer doesn't sound like the type I would want to piss off…

Cosmo: NOOOOOO!

Jack: (summons yuri fan boys) Get the two Sonic lovers!

Yuri fan boys: (grab Blaze and Amy, take them into closet)

Eggman: (in closet) Nice! I get a front seat in watching the hot stuff go on!

Cream: HAH! I'm immune to dares for the chapter! (sticks tongue out at everyone)

Sonic: I know just how to kill him…(walks up to Shadow) Hey, I just heard that emos are totally creepy! So get away from me, you creep!

Shadow: Must...keep calm…

Sonic: And you're also black, right? (tries doing a complex handshake with him) What's up, G?

Shadow: Can't last…much longer…

Sonic: And don't you love a dead girl? EEEEEWWWW!

Shadow: THAT'S IT! (pulls out guns and pulls triggers)(flags come out of barrel inscribed with "BOOM" on them) What the…

Sonic: (rolling on floor laughing) I totally set that up!

Shadow: Grrr…

Jack: Wait a minute! That's showing some anger right there-(BOOM) Smart idea, Sonic!

Jill: But the fighting has just begun, as now we get to the anonymous reviews…

 _Do me a favor and change all characters to monsters and make them figth with one another please_  
 _Give Shadow and Omega weapons to kill everyonethey want for the rest of the chapter. (including Fans)_  
 _-Who carws_

Jack: (drags Amy and Blaze out of closet) That's not a problem! AUTHOR POWERS!

Everyone: (turns into monsters)

Jill: Rumble time! (throws everyone into an arena, has them start fighting)

Jack: I'd better get out of here before too much blood spills off of the arena…

Janitor: Damn! I'll have to clean up that giant (bleep)ing mess…(grumbles)

-Later-

Shadow: (wins the fight) RAWR!

Jack: (turns everyone back to normal)(gives out weapons)

Shadow: (goes on a fan girl drive-by shooting spree with Omega, then they both high-five) Can you all dig it?

Jack: NEXT!

 _I dare Sonic to dress up as Zim and act like him for the next two chapters.I want the same for Tails except as Gir. I want you to de-nueter Shadow, put him in a sugar high, give him a strong aphrodisiac, and put him in the closet with Amy,Rouge,Blaze,Tikal,Maria,Cosmo,Cream,my fan caracter Nara the Dragon,five Shadow fangirls, and three Shadow fanboys. Rouge must cut out Knuckle's heart and make Jill eat it._  
 _-Empress Ryu_

Sonic: BWAHAHA! I shall destroy every being on this foolish planet!

Tails: Of course you will, master!

Mephiles: HEY! I'm supposed to be the one destroying the earth and killing every human!

Eggman: Same here!

Jack: (snickers at Eggman)…Good luck with that.

Sonic: Well, I want to take over the world now!

Mephiles: I tried to before you!

Sonic: Really? You wanna bring it? (starts a shoving match with Mephiles)

Mephiles: Totally! (gets into a fight with Sonic, kills him with beam…yet again!)

Tails: (crying) MAAAAASSSSTEEERRR!

Shadow: I'm already de-neutered! Whenever we're brought back to life, we're also brought back to normal from whatever we suffered before!

Jill: (hands him a barrel of cookies) Then it's time for a sugar high!

Shadow: (eats all of the cookies after several minutes) These didn't taste right…what did you put in them?

Jill: The same stuff we gave to Tails a couple of chapters ago!

Shadow: Well, the hornier the better, I guess! Who's it with?

Jack: (reads dare) You lucky man, you…ALL THE GIRLS!

Jill: Except the OC! It's against our policy…

Jack: Hey ladies! I heard Orlando Bloom/Brad Pitt/Johnny Depp/any hot guy is tied up inside our closet right now!

Girls who weren't already in closet (plus five summoned fan girls): OMG! (charge into closet, with the exception of Cream due to immunity)

Rouge: Where is he?

Jill: Here's your man! (shoves Shadow into closet, locks door)

Sonic: (revived) First he takes my spot as the top bishie, and now this?! I can't take it anymore! (grabs knife, commits hari-kari)

Jack: (sighs) Those Japanese hedgehogs…

Shadow: (inside closet) Wow…I've never heard of a 11-some before! How do I handle twelve ladies at once?

Jack: Oh! And we need three fan boys in there too! (teleports three fan boys inside closet)

Shadow: (inside closet) WHOA! I don't swing that way!

Jill: (shouts into closet door) Too bad! The fan girls are yaoi fan girls, and the fan boys are yuri fan boys! There's going to be a lot of action going on in there…

Shadow: NO! Oh yeah…NO! Oh yeah…NO!

-After a very disturbing amount of sex-

Shadow: (comes out of closet door) Brain...overloaded…

Jack: Didn't you ever hear that Robin Williams quote? A guy has a (bleep) and brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time!

Knuckles: But I wanted in on the action!

Rouge: There you are! I know just how to get you away from that fan girl…(turns on a nearby radio, plays the song "Girlfriend" on it, then starts dancing really hot and singing) Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend…

-Later-

Knuckles: So…hot…Jill, I'm going for Rouge! (pushes her away)

Jill: NOOOOOOO! (collapses on ground) Damn you, breast implants! Rouge wouldn't be so hot without you!

Rouge: (glares) And now, to fully fulfill my character…(stabs Knuckles, pulls out heart)

Jack: We're not doing this in graphic detail! Just imagine it's a…a…heart-shaped cookie that she's pulling out of Knuckles! There…

Eggman: (heads out of closet dragging Amy) Wow...Rouge once again proves that she can be a real bitch!

Rouge: (gives "cookie" to Jill) Now eat it!

Jill: (swallows while crying, then grins) This means I can have him inside me forever! MUAHAHA!

Jack:…You're crazier than I thought you were! (backs away slowly) Here's today's final dare…

 _i dare shadow to kiss amy!_  
 _-kawaiihusky_

Shadow: Sounds good! (grabs Amy, gives her a long kiss)

Eggman: (struggles with tape) I can hear you two kissing! Stop it! Shadow's smoker breath seriously smells disgusting…

Jack: (kicks Sonic's body) If he hadn't killed himself before, he'd be pretty pissed at this!

Paparazzi: (start taking pictures of Shadow and Amy's kiss, immediately put it on magazine covers)

Jack: Oh, snap! Sonic is going to totally kill Shadow when I revive him...

Homework, homework, go away! (sets mountain of homework on fire) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


	39. SonAmy becomes strained

SonAmy becomes strained

(dies laughing) I've been reading LOTS of parodies recently! Ah, those poor Sonic characters…

Jill: Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Eggman stole the cookie from the cookie jar!

Eggman: SHUT IT!

Jill: (grumbles) Fine…

Jack: (revives Sonic) Time for the confrontation!

Sonic: What do you mean by confrontation?

Jill: (hands Sonic a magazine cover)

Sonic: (jaw drops) WHAT THE (bleep)?! SHADOW?!

Jack: Amy's not the only one he kissed! While you were frozen, he made out with your sister!

Sonic: HE'S (bleep)ING DEAD!

Shadow: (laughs) Let's see you try…Chaos Control! (freezes time, picks up Sonic and throws him to fan girls)

Sonic: AAAAAHHHH! Let go of me, you monsters! NOOOOOO! (gets dressed up by fan girls)

Jack: Wow…Sonic got totally owned!

Jill: (drags Sonic back on stage) But Amy's not the only one cheating in that relationship…

 _There's someone conspiciously absent from this little party..._  
 _Hint: She's human!_  
 _Let Elise make out with Sonic as much as she wants, but when she's done, throw her to Sonic fangirls / Elise haters!_  
 _-petite-dreamer_

Sonic: What do they mean by this?

Jack: (sighs)You still don't know…she like you!

Sonic: (eyes widen) Really?

Elise:…Yes.

Amy: WHAT?! So when you were talking to me about that guy you liked…YOU MEANT HIM?!

Elise: It's not my fault you couldn't figure that out! (starts making out with Sonic)

Amy: (steam starts blowing out ears, voice deepens to a tone that Black Doom would shrivel at hearing) **MUST…DESTROY!** (pulls out hammer, does a rhino charge at Elise)

Elise: Oh (bleep)! I'm not facing that! (runs in opposite direction, accidentally falls into fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (hold Elise long enough for Amy to deal with her)

Amy: (still in deep tone) **TIME FOR PUNISHMENT!** (makes Elise experience a pain that would make Chuck Norris cry)

Jack: Damn…no wonder they suggest moving out of the universe if you piss off Amy!

Eggman: I can't believe I'm still attached to her by this duct tape…(shudders)

 _Jet, eat your Extreme Gear. If you cant, you have to do 'it' in front of everyone._  
 _-Pokelad_

Jet: (chokes on Extreme Gear, then spits it out) I don't have a problem doing it in front of everyone! I'm technically already naked, so there's nothing to hide!

Jack: Now who do we choose for him to do it with?

Jet/Wave fan girls: (cheering) WAVE! WAVE! WAVE! WAVE!…

Wave: I'm not doing it in front of everyone!

Jack: Only on one condition…you have to say "Oh my gosh" first!

Wave:…Why?

Jill: Your voice sounds perfect for that! Now say it!

Wave: (sighs) Oh, my gosh!

Jack: (rolling on floor laughing) That was totally worth it!

SonJet yaoi fan girls: (cheering) SONIC! SONIC! SONIC! SONIC!…

Sonic: (shudders) Ugh…no way!

Jill: Since we don't have any volunteers…(spins wheel of randomness) Amy wins!

Sonic: NO! This can't be…

Amy: Hooray for payback! (starts doing it with Jet)

Paparazzi: (takes pictures of naked Amy, posts them online)

Sonic: (crying) Now everyone's going to think I'm a loser…

Jack: It can't be that much different. Everyone already thinks you're an a-hole!

Sonic: (glares)

Jill: And now we head to some more violence!…

 _hi everybody necrophillia here hm_  
 _here u go tails (hands him gaint robot coplete with bombs guns and everything else) go crazy_  
 _necrophillia out_  
 _-tails blackheart_

Tails: WOOT! Now for another killing spree! (jumps into yaoi fan girl crowd) This is for making me marry Sonic! (starts up enough explosions to make V proud)(By V, I mean from the movie V for Vendetta)

-Later-

Sonic: Ugh…my eyes still hurt from looking at all of those explosions!

Jill: I think you all need a good night's sleep before we continue with dares!

-That night-

Jack: We know what to do…

 _I dare you to do various things to the guys in their sleep and have them wake up in: Snake Pits, Shark infested waters, watching porn with a fan right above their pingas's, ect..._  
 _-Spark The Hedgehog123_

-That morning-

Big: (wakes up on a shark pool) Hmm…these fish will be a neat catch! (pulls out fishing rod, starts putting on bait)

Sharks: (jump up at bait, bite Big)

Big: Uhhh…that doesn't feel good…(get dragged to the depths of the tank)

Vector: (wakes up in snake pit) Um…hello, fellow reptiles!…(accidentally steps on one) (bleep)! NO! THEY'RE ALL OVER MEEEEEEE…

Jill: Tails would probably love that compared to the fate he receives…

Tails: (wakes up in a room filled with sleeping fan girls)(starts recording into a camera) I'm scared…and if I don't make it out of this, tell everyone…that I HATE THEIR (bleep)ING GUTS!

Fan girls: (wake up) FLUFFY!

Tails: HEY! YOU DON'T HAVE TO GRAB ME THERE! (gets nailed onto a wall for the fan girls to hug) Choking…to death…

Shadow: (wakes up tied to a chair with a fan above his "gun cleaner") Why am I in front of a TV?

Jack: (turns on porn and fan) I loved this Family Guy sketch!

Shadow:…(nothing happens)

Jack: What's going on? You should be struggling to "keep it down" right now!

Shadow: But there's nothing to turn me on!

Jill: (sighs) I know what to do…(grabs shotgun and cloth) Now we shall have a gun cleaning demonstration!

Shadow: (sweating) No….don't do it!

Jill: Now, you first put the oil on the cloth, then you-

Shadow: AAAAHHHH!

Jill: (runs out of room) That was a disgusting mess!

Janitor: (runs into room) How…YOU (bleep)ING IDIOTS! (starts cleaning up and grumbling)

Jack: Shadow has a really messed up psychology…

 _Yay! Well...Cream needs to suffer more so all my execu-i mean dares are for her!_  
 _Battle Shadow using Halo weapons._  
 _Eat Cheese (You're chao)_  
 _Get Shadow to take you into space then get shot by the eclipse cannon_  
 _Dive into the TailsxCosmo fangirls_  
 _Attempt to start a rebellion in City 17 BEFORE Gordan arrives_  
 _Tell the Master Chief that you're part of the Covenant_  
 _Burn you're flower garden (I know you have one so dont lie)_  
 _Have Silver use his powers to toss you around like a ragdoll_  
 _Tell Gordan Freeman that YOU will go into the test chamber for him_  
 _Thats all! Oh! One question for you Jack, do you like mudkips? Lol._  
 _-Teh One_

Jack: (brings an angry Shadow out of room) You can take out your anger through killing!

Cream: (grabs a shotgun) Let's go!

Shadow: (rolls eyes) Really? (kills her with one Sniper Rifle shot)

Jack: (revives Cream) Feeding time! (hands her "Chao on a Platter")

Cream: (mortified) Nooooooo…(starts eating Cheese and crying)

Shadow: How about you have that meal to go? We're heading to space! (takes Cream to a rocket) Basically, you have to fly around in front of the eclipse cannon until it fires!

Cream: Ummm…sure! (heads on suicide mission)

-Later-

Cream: (coughs) That Eclipse Cannon really hurt! (dives into TailsCosmo fan girl crowd) YAH! (gets every part of her used in horrible ways)

-Later-

Cream: My flower garden? (sobs) You meanie…(grabs matches, gasoline and heads off)

Jack: Wow! Look at all of that smoke!

Cream: (walks back on stage) Now who will I talk to about my plan to take over the world?

Sonic: Hey! Tails and I are supposed to be attempting that through our dare last chapter!

Cream: (cries) I can't have anything!

Silver: Correct. (uses powers to smash her around)

Cream: OW! Stop it! Why don't people like me more?

Jack: It's due to the annoyingness within! But now we're sending you to the Half-Life games!

-In Half-Life-

Cream: It looks like I only have one life for these two video games, so I'd better not use it up too quickly! Therefore…WHO'S UP FOR A REBELLION?!

CCP: (grab Cream, give her a beating that would make the police in the Rodney King video cringe)

Cream: Owww…I hope I don't have a concussion from that….fsjarujipaweojwaepjifjiel …Crap, I do! (heads to research facility) Test me! Test me!

Dr. Freeman:…Okay. (shoves her into test chamber)(rips open portal into another dimension)

Cream: WHEEEE! (lands in Halo game)

Master Chief: What the (bleep) is that thing? It definitely doesn't look human!

Cream: Oh! My friends told me to tell you that I'm part of the Covenant! Is that a bad thing to say?

Master Chief: (holds gun at Cream's face) Hell yes! Any last words?

Cream:…Damn it! (BANG)

-Back on stage-

Jack: As to your question…I'm assuming you're talking about the Pokemon! Unfortunately, I've never played any of the games that particular one is in, so I wouldn't know! (goes off in a corner to sulk)

Eggman: (gets rid of duct tape) Finally!

Jill: How did you survive Amy?

Eggman: What?

Jack:…He must be deaf!

Tails: (climbs back on stage) Those fan girls put up a good fight!

Jack: Just in time! I want you to woof like a dog!

Tails: (glares) No.

Jill: (holds up meat) Here, boy!

Tails: RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF!…Stupid instinct!

Jack: Just remember this…if you try to hump anybody's leg from now on, I'm bringing you to a vet who will take you to a farm upstate! Got it?

Tails: But it's my instinct! I can't control it-(notices Jack holding a gun) Fine.

And that is my persuasive powers in action!


	40. Shadow is forced to do an ad!

Shadow is forced to do an ad!

KAPOW! Here's another chapter!

-The following is brought to you by the sponsors of Sega-

Shadow: Hey! We all know that I'm the best bishie around, right? Well, did you ever wonder how? Try our new Bishie-Os, and guys like you can get your own fan girls! (lowers voice) Though you might regret it…

Voiceover: May cause bloating, diarrhea, heart disease, switching of gender, eternally endless pain, the feeling one gets before becoming insane, and death. Do not try if you are a carbon-based life form with functioning organs and/or a consciousness of self!

Jack: That sounds like the type of breakfast cereal I'd want!

 _This fic is true awesomeness..._  
 _Sonic, Knuckles, Shadow, Espio & any other guys that kissed and/or "you know what" other guys: I'm sure you hate Yaoi as much as I do so take turns blasting your fangirls away with the Eclipse Cannon which for this fic has infinite charges._  
 _Tails: Um... I dunno... go do whatever you want..._  
 _Silver & Blaze: Since you're going to be doing "it" nonstop and I have nothing else to dare you with, just keep doing "it" but in your Super forms._  
 _E-102 Gamma: You, by far are one of the best Sonic characters EVER! Armed with only your Level-Up Items from Sonic Adventure DX, use any means necessary to defeat ALL E-Series robots that includes: E-01(Core of Death Chamber stage from Sonic Adventure 2 Battle), E-100 Alpha (a.k.a. ZERO from Sonic Adventure DX), E-101 Beta, E-101 MKII (Mark 2 Beta), Chaos Gamma (E-102 copy from Sonic Battle) , E-103 Delta, E-104 Epsilon, E-105 Zeta, E-121 Phi (Fake Emerl from Sonic Battle), E-123 Omega, E-10 (E-102 ripoff Badnik enemies from the Eggman Base/Pyramid stages), E-20 (transforming enemies on the Stages 13 & 14 of Sonic Heroes), E-20R (Gold versions of the E-20 models), E-10R & G (Playable Robots from Sonic Riders and E-10 Y & P (obstacle robots on the Egg/Ice Factory levels) to prove YOU'RE THE BEST!_  
 _Oh and chocolate chip cookies for all! (wooden table appears with fresh-baked chococalte chip cookies on plates for each of you)_  
 _Enjoy! and good luck with the rest of the fic!_  
 _-Kid Anime_

Guys: Hooray! (head up to ARK)

Shadow: Fire! Fire! (looks around at space colony) This brings back some memories…(fetal position) Maria!

Tails: I'm going to keep up this blasting away rampage!

Silver: (turns into Super form) We're doing this again? (heads into closet with Burning Blaze)

Gamma: Time to free everyone again. (flies off)

(BOOM)(the closet explodes again)

Jack: Damn it, you two! Do you guys have to use that much heat in sex?

Silver:…It's her fault!

Blaze: It's his fault!

Janitor: (sighs) No matter who's fault it is, I have to clean up for you stupid kids…(grumbles)

Jill: I think he prays every night for all of us to die horrible deaths!

Gamma: (flies back in, drops robot heads everywhere) I have freed many. (points gun at Omega) You are next. (BOOM)

Omega: (blows up)

Gamma: Now I am truly Eggman's ultimate robot.

Metal Sonic: What about me. (BOOM)

Gamma: Does anyone else have a question. Good.

Jack: COOKIES! Let's eat up, then do the rest of today's reviews on a sugar high!

Everyone: (eats cookies)

Jill: YAY! WHATDOWEDOFIRST?!

 _I doubt anyone has said this but, I LOVE YOU CHARMY! YOU'RE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IN THE SONIC GAMES!_  
 _Anyways, give Charmy the ability to kill 1 person (whoever he wants)_  
 _Throw Knuckles in the fang girl crowd._  
 _Throw Rouge in the fan boy crowd._  
 _Have Sonic set Amy's hair on fire._  
 _Make Cream give 250 dollars to Shadow._  
 _Make Tikal super hyper (caffeine, sugary sweets, etc), and lock her in the closet with Espio._  
 _BTW, I love this fic!_  
 _-Jojora_

Charmy: YAY! I knew I had to have fans somewhere! Right now…Vector's been kind of a jerk recently, so this death is going to him! (pulls out knife, chops up Vector into alligator jerky)

Vector: (Obviously screaming)(Did you actually think he would take this lightly?)

Knuckles and Rouge: (jump into fan crowd)

Knuckles: HEY! STOP SAWING OFF MY HANDS!

Rouge: HEY! GIVE MY BRA BACK!

Sonic: But I'm not that much of a pyro!

Jack: Since Blaze is a pyro, and since she's your parallel universe double…you're a pyro too!

Sonic; (glares)

Jill: Here! I'll give you a magic wand to do it with!

Sonic: (waves wand at Amy)

Amy: (on fire) NOOOOO! Why don't people like my hairstyle?

Jill: Everyone knows that letting your hair down looks better!

Amy: (dives into Chaos to put out fire) That's better...GAH! I'm bald!

Chaos: RAWR! (grabs Amy, throws her into wall angrily)

Cream: Where am I supposed to come up with that much money?

Jack: You could've just gone to customs and traded in all of your rings for cash! DUH! (takes her to bank)

-At bank-

Teller: What currency are you trading in for dollars?

Cream: These! (pulls out bag, pours out a ton of rings)

Teller: (eyes widen) HOLY (bleep)! How did you get those? (thinking to self) Hmm…this sounds like a robber! Well, I know what to do for that! (activates silent alarm) Alright, just wait here for a couple of hours, and all of your rings will be successfully exchanged for money!

Cream: Okay!

-Later-

Cream: (being dragged off by cops) NO! I'm telling the truth! I just found these rings on the ground along my many journeys!

Teller: (rolls eyes) Yeah, let's see if the judge believes that!

-Meanwhile-

Tikal: (jumping around) I'M ALREADY HYPER FROM THE COOKIES!

Jack: Good! (shoves her and Espio into the closet, kicks out Silver and Blaze)

Espio: Get off of me! I-WHOA! You look nice!

Tikal: Thanks! (moaning starts coming out of closet)

-Later-

Cream: Thanks to my jail time, I still don't have the money yet! How do I get it?

Shadow: Steal it, of course!

Cream:…Fine. This isn't what I thought I'd be doing…(walks off, does the Ocean's 11 robbery all by herself) Here you go! (hands money to Shadow)

Jack: Thanks to this show, Cream is now going to be an international wanted criminal! Hooray! And here's another review…

 _I love Charmy too! (Hence my username) He doesn't get the respect he deserves!_  
 _So, have Charmy kiss Cream in front of Tails, and Cream must like it, and Tails can NOT kill Charmy, and if he tries to, later in the chapter, a hoard of elephants will run him over every time he tries to kill Charmy!_  
 _Have Amy and Rouge kiss in front of everyone. We haven't seen any girl to girl action yet (At least, I don't think we had)._  
 _Throw Shadow in the fan girls crowd cause it's hilarious._  
 _Transport Eggman, Tikal, Blaze, Sonic, and Knuckles inside a volcano so they'll be flaming their butts off in lava! Oh, and bring a camera that somehow floats in the air in the volcano so everyone can see!_  
 _-Charmy-Bee_

Charmy: That is so true! You guys are all jerks to me! (kisses Cream) Ha! Now let's see who's the annoying one!

Cream: (blushes)

Tails: (attempts to suppress rage)

Jill: The TailsCream fans are going to slaughter you, Charmy!

Amy: (gets held at gunpoint by yuri fan boys) Fine!

Rouge: I have to kiss baldy?

Amy: SHUT UP! (kisses her, then storms off angrily)

Jack: (walks up to Shadow) You know what? I heard that the fan girls are selling smokes right now!

Shadow: Really? It's been a few days…(jumps into crowd) Where's my fix-AAAAAUUUGGGHHH!

Fan girls: (wrap Shadow in some Mylar, keep him as an exhibit)

Tikal: (heads out of closet with Espio) He was awesome! WOW!

Espio: (drags out of closet slowly) I was…overwhelmed.

Jack: AUTHOR POWERS! (teleports Eggman, Tikal, Blaze, Sonic and Knuckles into volcano)

Sonic: YOWCH!

Knuckles: NO-AAAHH!

Tikal: OH MY-YAH!

Eggman: Damn you-OWW!

Blaze: (swims around in lava) Hey! It's not too bad!

Omochao: (holds up camera in volcano to film suffering) Oooh! Watch it! Careful! You don't want to hurt yourself-

Everyone in the universe: SHUT THE (bleep) UP, OMOCHAO!

Omochao:…(continues filming)

Jill: And now we go to a ton of more dares…

 _Give Shadow 100 plasma grenades, a needler, a sniper rifle, and a rocket launcher, all with infinite ammo. Let him shoot anything and anyone except for Nara(I suggest shooting some fangirls in the crowd.(Let him keep the guns and leftover grenades to add to his collection. Hey Knuckles! Some fangirl in the crowd stole the master emerald. I give Mephiles a shock collar to put on anyone he wants. Tails! I want you to wear a dog collar and to act like a dog(that includes barking before every sentence)._  
 _-Empress Ryu_

Shadow: (climbs onto stage gasping) If I didn't have my pocketknife, I never would have escaped that Mylar! (takes weapons) I shall shoot…EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE! (commences an explosive path of destruction)

Jack: (teleports volcano characters back on stage) You guys came just at the right time!

Everyone: AAAHHHHH!

-Later-

Knuckles: REALLY?! Those goddamn fan girls always have to steal…(eyes widen) myyyyyy…preciousssssss…

Jack: Oh (bleep)! Now he's like Gollum from Lord of the Rings!

Knuckles: GIVE BACK THE PRECIOUSSSSSS! (jumps into fan girl crowd, starts biting and clawing at everyone)

Fan girls: (overpower Knuckles, encase him in Mylar to replace Shadow)

Mephiles: (takes shock collar) To correlate with the next dare, I guess I'll just give this to fox boy…(snaps collar onto Tails' neck)

Tails: (glares) I'm not barking!

Jack: Bzzt! (pushes button, shocks Tails) Yes you are!

Tails: (sighs) Woof woof…

Jill: More enthusiastically! Or else we'll get you fixed!

Tails: NO! RUFF RUFF RUFF!

Jack: (grins) That's better! But your situation is about to improve, somewhat…

 _Have Tails marry Cosmo, with Tails as the blushing bride and Cosmo as the groom._  
 _-noone_

Jill: (gives Tails a wedding dress) Wear it or face a shocking! And my pointer finger has been itching to push something today…

Tails: (gulps) Alright! (puts on dress, marries Cosmo again)

Cosmo: This is going to be an awkward honeymoon…

And that ends our 40th chapter! Just a warning…any reviews being sent now might not be answered until early summer! So…expect a lot to have happened between the time you send a review now and when it is actually answered! Just a consideration for your reviews…


	41. Eggman suffers so Everyone is Happy!

Eggman suffers, so everyone is happy!

Yes! I was not joking about the early summer thing in last chapter! I am a very busy person, and this fic has tons of reviews! Also, I just want to clarify something here…Jill is based off of my girlfriend! Just to make sure everyone knows that…

Jill: Aw (bleep)! I'm so bummed out…

Jack: You see, we missed a party…so we're writing on this instead!

Sonic: (rolls eyes) Great. So now we're all just your entertainment when you're bored?

Jill: Hell yes!

 _Hah, this should be fun._  
 _First off, have Cream and Cosmo fight for Tails' love... Again. But this time, I'll fix it up a bit...Cream gets the 7 Chaos Emeralds, the 7 World Rings, the 7 Super Emeralds, Any and All weapons seen in Shadow the Hedgehog, and the 7 Chaos Rings as well as one partner fighter of her choice._  
 _And Cosmo is bound and gagged in a chair, with a blindfold and earplugs, completely unaware of what's going on, with no weapons at all._  
 _Then, EXPEL CHARMY FROM THE FIC FOR THE NEXT 3 CHAPTERS! Any dares having to do with him, a replacement Charmy-bot will take the hit._  
 _Then, Tails may jump in the closet with WHOever he wants, HOWEVER MUCH he wants, for the next 2 chapters. He also inherits Eggman's lab, who is now homeless, and forced to go on a diet of dirt and leaves for the rest of the picture._  
 _Finally, everyone but Cosmo, Eggman, Charmy and Metal Sonic gets to have a huge feast while Eggman watches._  
 _-Aretsukusu_

Jack: This person must have changed her name…she was originally Sacredfire059!

Jill: Let's get started! (sprays pesticides on Cosmo)

Cosmo: (coughs) Uhhhnnn…(falls unconscious)

-Later-

Cosmo: (wakes up) Where am I? I can't see a thing-

Cream: (does a battle cry) TAILS IS MINE! (beats Cosmo to the point where she becomes oil)(sells her to Halliburton for tons of cash) Hehehe…

Shadow: Hey, I helped with tying her up! I should get some money too!

Cream: (hands some money to Shadow grumbling) Fine…

Jack: (puts on Jeff Probst outfit, holds up a torch) Charmy, you are hereby banished for 3 chapters! (puts out torch)

Charmy: (runs off crying) You guys are all jerks!

Sonic: You're taking this as a BAD thing? You just got away from 3 chapters of torture! Lucky bastard…

Jill: (grabs a giant boot) Eggman, your lab has been foreclosed and sold to Tails!

Eggman: WHAT?! This can't be happening!

Jill: Goodbye, fatty! (kicks Eggman out into the streets using the giant boot)

Eggman: AAAHHHH! I'll make those (bleep)ing meanies suffer someday…

Tails: (finishes Charmy-bot) Life is going good for me! It's been a few chapters since I've had any action, so who do I do…I'll try Blaze! I haven't done it with her yet!

Blaze: (rolls eyes) This is going to be awkward…(heads into closet with Tails)

Jack: Super Dragon's going to be pissed! His favorite character just did it with his love object! Interesting…

-At the feast-

Eggman: (watches from outside of window, starts crying)

Jack: (points to Eggman, starts laughing)

Jill: Now we get to a ton of anonymous reviews…

 _Hi! I'm here! Sonic and Knuckles better hide! Silver better start running! Here comes Starla!_  
 _Let me into the group at least for this chapter and prepare for no mercy! Sonic and Knuckles will be very injured with my platinum bat. And I'm a fangirl like Jill, only I (heart) Silver! So he'll be happy he can run fast! But I'll still beat him, like I did Sonic. And if anyone tries to stop me, I'll turn into Super Starla (yes, major ripoff) and whip them by shooting stars at them. And also, I challenge the best videogame player at Super Smash Bros Brawl! The winner gets to go into the closet with who they want. Only catch is, each of them gets to choose the other one's character. (Jack, white out this after you read it. Try and convince the opponent that I suck at Fox, then watch me whip them, it'll be so funny! Now, white this out!) Just look for the hot light blue hedgehog in the crowd with a small white hedgehog next to her (My little sister, Nova, (heart)s Shadow, and has a short fuse). Hopefully, I'll see u there! Sonic & Knuckles better watch out! Unlike last time! And Blaze better get ready to get jealous! And Shadow better get ready to have a 8 year old clamp to his leg for the rest of chapter!_  
 _-Starla the Hedgehog_

Jill: Who's the best videogame player?

Sonic: That would totally be me!

Jack: Our policy is to not do OCs on stage, but we can still make the Sonic characters suffer those fates! (grabs baseball bat with Jill) Slaughtering time! (beat Sonic and Knuckles even worse than how Cream beat up Cosmo)

Sonic: Ugh...and I lost the video game match on top of that!

Jill: I think this would sum up what Shadow has to go through…(throws him to fan girls) Much better!

Fan girls: (keep him as their "pet")

Shadow: (sighs) There is going to be some major killing when I get out of here…

 _HI! Now to business._  
 _Make Knucles recreate a scene from Indiana Jones movies_  
 _MAke Shadow,Omega,and Charmy to recreate a scene from Men in Make Sonic recreate a scene from 300_  
 _At the end Shadow and you must kill everyone else as many times as they want to and the way they choose_  
 _-MovieFan_

Jack: I know just what scene Knuckles should do…(throws him into the snake pit with the lost ark) Goodbye, Dr. Jones!

Knuckles: WHAT THE (bleep)? NOW WHO PUTS A (bleep)ING SNAKE PIT DOWN HERE JUST TO PROTECT SOME STUPID (bleep)ING BOX?!

Jill: Oh no…he's going to make someone angry…

Ark: (opens up)

Knuckles: (walks up to ark) YOWCH! Stupid snakeys…you don't have to bite so hard…(looks inside and disintegrates)

Jack: Wow…we ripped off TWO scenes from that movie! Now to Men in Black…

Omega: (points a gun at Charmy) Stop right there.

Charmy: But…I, I really like this place and-

Shadow: (after being rescued from fan girls) Foo, you not allowed on dis planet! You goan tuh face da consequences-(looks up from script) Why the (bleep) do I have to be talking like this?

Jill: It's how Will Smith talks in that movie!

Shadow: Wait…why am I playing Will Smith's role?

Jack:…Isn't it obvious?

Shadow: (glares) Just because I'm black, huh?

Jack: You're not just black…you're SEGA's token black!

Shadow: WHAT?! Those (bleep)ing racists…ya'll be hatin'! (storms off)

Jill:…That was crazy! And I know what scene Sonic should be doing…

Sonic: (throws a spear in middle of battle) DIIIIEEE! (misses Xerxes)

Random audience member watching movie: HAHA! Your aim SUCKS!

Xerxes: He's right, you know. Scraping me on the cheek doesn't even really hurt that much!

Sonic: (glares) Bastar-AAAAAUUUUGGGHHH! (gets killed by army)

Jack: Boo! Leonidas lasted a little longer! (revives them) Now kill!

Sonic: (grabs a gun, points it at Shadow)

Shadow: (grabs a gun, points it at Sonic) This makes things interesting...(they both shoot each other)

Jill: Boo! You guys suck at shootouts! Now we get to two reviews from the same person…

 _Jack, I want you to turn Eggman into a walrus, While everyone else who is not a robot is turned human, and the robots into 10-inch high plastic toys. Sonic is to teach eggman a few walrus tricks. Make Vanilla listen to rock, techno, and DDR songs for 3 hours. Put Sonic, Tails, Shadow, Amy, Knuckles, Rouge, Silver, Blaze, Cosmo, Maria, Mephelis, and Cream in straight jackets, hang them by their feet over the fancrowd, and have the chain holding them up "accidentaly" fist one to make it to the stage can lay anyone he/she chooses. Toss the robots into a room full of destructive 8 year old boys.I will be back for more!_  
 _-Empress Ryu_

Jack: (revives everyone) That's a genius idea! AUTHOR POWERS! (turns Eggman into a walrus)

Everyone: (nearly laughs to death)

Eggman: Oh, COME ON!

Sonic: (grabs a hula hoop and some fish) MOVE IT, FATTY!

Eggman: FISH! (jumps through hoop) GIMME GIMME!

Jill: Wow…his love of fish might outdo Blaze and Big's!

Jack: Why turn them all human? Okay…AUTHOR POWERS! (turns robots into toys, and everyone else into humans)

Jill: I have the iPod with glue for Vanilla!

Vanilla: (rolls eyes) Fine. Just put it on already! (inserts headphones) I…(starts slowly bouncing, then stars dancing) This dance music is irresistible! I can't stop myself!

Jack: (picks up robots) "Santa" has to go deliver some presents…

-In a nearby treehouse-

Jack: (with Santa outfit on) Ho ho ho! Here's some early presents! (hands out "toys")

Random 8-year-old: COOL! TRANSFROMERS!

Kids: (starts having robots shoot each other)

Metal Sonic: I…hate my existence…(gets shot in face by toy missile from Omega) Ow…that kind of hurts…

-Meanwhile-

Jill: (straps victims into straight jackets. I have no idea how, she just did!) Don't worry, these chains will keep you all perfectly safe! (saws off chains at light speed) Whoops! (victims drop into fan crowd)

Shadow: (gets piled on by fan girls) I feel like a football…

Jill: (notices Knuckles in crowd) OMG! (dives in, keeps a constant grip on him)

Sonic: Amy, get off of me! You should be fighting other fan girls, not joining them in smothering me!

Amy: (glomps even tighter) NO!

Sonic: (chokes to death)

Amy: Yay! Now he won't run away anymore!

Tails, Cosmo and Cream: (get dragged into warring fan girl tribes)

Rouge: BRING IT ON! (starts up a bar fight with every fan girl)

Blaze: Am I the only one actually trying to get to the stage?

Silver: (hand appears out of fan girl crowd) No! I'm trying too-AAHH! (hand gets pulled back in)

Maria: I might as well do this now over any other time…(slaps Mephiles) That's for trying to kill Shadow!

Mephiles: Ow! Geez…(slaps back)

Maria: How dare you! (starts up a slapping fight with Mephiles)

Blaze: (climbs back onto stage) Am I the only one who's not a complete idiot here?

Jack: (back on stage) Apparently.

Blaze: I will do…Mephiles! I want to try someone else…

Jack: (bring up Mephiles, shoves him and Blaze into closet)

Mephiles: Hey, baby! I like those whips and chains you have-OW! NOT SO HARSH! YAH!

-Later-

Mephiles: (comes out of closet shaking) I can't believe this…but I actually feel uncomfortable!

Blaze: Damn right! You see, I wanted you to pay for lying to Silver and I!

Jill: NICE! Now to the other review…

 _I dare Sonic to give Chaos all seven chaos emeralds so that he turns into his final form. Toss both of them into the fan crowd. Replace all the robot's bullets with paintballs and then toss them into the crowd. Make Rouge and Maria do it in the closet. After that Shadow can have both of them to do his wildest fantisies. Then turn everyone into choas until their next dare. Toss everyone into the fan pit. Make Shadow, Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles sing and play Bohemian Raphsody, While everyone else waves lighters and headbangs. This fic is great._  
 _-Empress Ryu_

Jack: (turns everything back to normal) Looks like it's time for more fan attacks!

Sonic: Not again! (hands Chaos Emeralds over to Chaos)

Chaos: RAWR! (turns into Perfect Chaos)(goes into fan crowd)

Jill: Hmm…Chaos destroyed a whole city, but can it destroy a whole crowd of fan girls/fan boys?

Jack: Nope. Definitely not.

Chaos: RAAAAAWR! (gets wiped out by fans)

Sonic: NO! I want the Chaos Emeralds back! (jumps into crowd, also gets taken)

Jill: Don't forget, the robots have to go in as well! (throws robots into crowd)

Omega: I shall stop them. (shoots out paintballs) What.

Gamma: (also shooting out paintballs) We are (bleep)ed.

Jill:…Whoa. I would never have imagined a robot swearing!

Fans: (take apart robots, use robot parts to torture Sonic and Chaos into saying they're gay)

Sonic: NO! I'M NOT SAYING THAT-AAAHHH!

Jack: While the girls are attempting yaoi, the boys shall attempt yuri! (summons yuri fan boys)

Yuri fan boys: (take Rouge and Maria into closet)

Jill: That's a strange combination.

Jack: Oh wait, we need their pimp in there too! (shoves Shadow inside)

Shadow: (inside closet) YAAAAYYYYY…what the (bleep)? Why am I saying that? Oh, that's why!

-Later-

Jack: Now you all have to go into the fan pit! But before that…AUTHOR POWERS! (turns every Sonic character into a Chao)

Jill: I've got the bulldozer ready! (sends all of the Chaos into the fan crowd)

Fan girls: OMG! THEY'RE SOOOOO CUTE! (grab all of the Chaos, put them in their plushie collection)

Shadow: Chao chao! (Translation: This is pitiful! Every aspect of it! I-)

All other Sonic characters: CHAO CHAO! (Translation: SHUT UP!)

Shadow: (glares)

Jack: (turns everything back to normal again) Now that I'm finally done with this chapter, let's get those four to sing!

Sonic: (singing) Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality…

-Later-

Tails: (starts singing)

Fan girls: (scream intensely) YAAAAY!

Jack: I don't think my ears are going to survive this fic…

If you like this fic (and you probably do if you've read all the way up to this chapter) I would recommend also looking at some other really funny things on the Internet! In particular, the favorite stories on my profile. And if you're a fan of funny online videos, check out Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series! Even if you've never seen the show Yu-Gi-Oh, you'll find this video series hilarious!


	42. Another sexual dares chapter

Another sexual dares chapter

(Stabs a Sonic voodoo doll) Die, idiot, die! (looks up) Oh, let's get started…

Knuckles: Why does Jill look different today?

Jack: Well, my old girlfriend recently dumped me…and now I have a new one!

Jill: KNUCKIE! (glomps Knuckles)

Jack: Unfortunately for you, Jill is still going to be a rabid Knuckles fan girl!

Knuckles: (choking) Ack…gah…damn…(passes out)

Jill: (starts shaking him) Knuckie, wake up! Damn it, why do the bishies always do that? (sobs)

Jack: (rolls eyes) Let's get started. There's going to be a lot of sex today…

 _sonic: do it with all the girls but Amy!_  
 _Amy:do it with all guys but eggman and sonic!_  
 _shadow: switch bodies with amy and do it with Sonic._  
 _Tails: be evil tails and be in an inescapable room with all the girls naked and unarmed!_  
 _knuckles: hav Rouge really drunk and be in a tiny room with her naked._  
 _TURN ALL THE BOYS PLUSH AND GIVE THEM TO THE GIRLS THAT LUV THEM._  
 _-Aqua-gal52_

Amy: NOOOOOOO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME LEAVE SONIC, YOU-AH! (gets dragged off by guys screaming)

Sonic: Phew! As long as I don't have to deal with Amy…(heads into closet with all of the other ladies)

-Later-

Jack: Alright, everyone of you should get out of the closet!

Girls: (leave)

Jack: We'll cheer you girls up! Here, have some drinks! (passes out plenty of booze to the ladies)

Guys: (take a very happy Amy back on stage)

Sonic: Now wha- (gets closet door slammed in his face) Hey, let me out of here!

Jill: You have to do it with Amy first! (shoves Amy into closet)

Amy: SONIC! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG…

-Many hours later-

Amy: OMG OMG OMG!

Jack: (puts fingers out of ears) SHUT-THE-(bleep)-UP-YOU-CRAZY-FANGIRL! AUTHOR POWERS! (switches Amy and Shadow)

Sonic: (sighs) Alright, Amy. If it gets you to quiet down, I'll do it with you…

Amy: What am I doing here? In a dress? Wait-AAAAHHHH!

Shadow: (from outside closet) NOOOOOOO!

Sonadow yaoi fan girls: (screaming victory over the crowd)

Sonic: (moaning) Amy, why are you resisting-(a punch is heard) OWWWWW! What was that for?

Amy: It's me, you idiot!

Sonic: What the (bleep) are you talking about?

Amy: I'm Shadow!

Sonic: What…I…(rolls on floor laughing)

Amy: I wouldn't be laughing if I were you. You realized that you just tried to do me, right?

Sonic: (stops laughing) Oh (bleep)! (runs out of closet, starts throwing up)

Everyone but Sonic and Shadow: (laughing)

Janitor: (starts cleaning up) Damn kids…having gay sex without realizing it…

Jill: And now that the girls are terribly drunk…

-Later-

Tikal: (wakes up) Uhhhnnnnn...where the (bleep) are out clothes?

Cream: Also, why are we in a locked vault?

Blaze: (looks over at Rouge) You've had experience with vaults! Can you get us out of here?

Rouge: I'm used to unlocking vaults from the OUTSIDE with the locks INSIDE! In here, it's the other way around!

Tails: (opens vault, enters it and closes door) I'll get you all out! But there's something I want first.

Amy: What?

Tails: (grins) I'm here to have sex and fly planes…and I'm all out of planes!

-Bow-chicka-wow-wow-

Rouge: (wakes up in a motel room) Damn…I really have to stop drinking so much! (stumbles around a bit)

Knuckles: (enters the room) NOW WHERE THE MASTER EMERAL-WHOA! (looks at Rouge) (bleep) the emerald, I'm too horny! (gets it on)

-Yet another love-making session later-

Jack: AUTHOR POWERS! (turns all of the guys into plushies, throws them to fan girls)

Fan girls: (dissect the plushies for everything they've got)

Jack: Wow…that was unexpected! (brings everyone back to life)

Jill: But it looks like Shadow isn't the only guy Sonic might be forced to have sex with…

 _I made a mistake in my last review. Jet, eat your extreme gear, or you have to do 'it' with Sonic. After that, you have to marry him. Knuckles, Eggman and Shadow are the bridesmaids._  
 _-Pokelad_

Jet: Oh (bleep)!

Yaoi fan girls: (hold a parade)

Jet: (grabs board, tries to eat it) Damn plastic…(starts choking) Must…swallow…

Yaoi fan girls: NOOOOOOO! (charge onto stage, shove their fingers down Jet's throat)

Jet: (vomits out board) DAMN! That was unfair!

Jill: Too bad! (shoots both Sonic and Jet with drug pellets)

Jet: (approaches Sonic) Mmm…naked Wave…

Sonic: (approaches Jet) Mmm…naked Pamela Anderson…

Yaoi fan girls: (create an official holiday)

-Later-

The five guys: NO!

Yaoi fan girls: YES!

Sonic: But there's loophole…the yaoi fan girls already married me to Tails!

Jill: But that loophole is counteracted by another loophole…polygamy is legal in Mobius!

Jet: Since when?

Jack: When we just said it was! (sends the five guys to chapel)

Yaoi fan girls: (enact another wedding similar to the one in chapter 27, except that halfway through the ceremony, the bridesmaids mysteriously "disappear")

Shadow: Get me away from that echidna!

Jack: (shudders) The Knuxadow fan girls found them…

-After the "blissful day"-

Jill: Well, now it tones down from sex to makeouts…

 _everyone(including the host peoples)must make out with who they hate the most, regardless of gender_  
 _-Gunslinger 117_

Yaoi and yuri fans: (pounce on the Sonic characters)

Jill: NOOOOOO! Not the slutty chick…(is forced to make out with Rouge)

Jack: The problem for me is…I hate 3 characters the most! I guess I'll have to choose one…Amy! (makes out with her, then grabs a (bleep)load of mouthwash)

Eggman: YAH! I'm making out with so many of you today…

-Later-

Eggman: (covered in lipstick)

Jack: Haha! Everyone still hates you, fatty!

Eggman: (sighs)

 _I dare Jill to rape Knuckles._  
 _Sonic: Look! Chilidogs in the fanBOY section. (hey jack, wanna put some gays in there for me? Thanks)_  
 _Amy: Hey, is that a Sonic clone in the fanboy section, you better go tell him he loves you_  
 _Tails: Kick every male characters in the nuts. Oh, the girls aren't safe though. Punch'm in the boobs._  
 _Knuckles, I dare you to get Jill pregnant then let her kick you in the nuts, till you have to sperm left._  
 _-champ585 (real penname)_

Jack: I know of champ585 and his fic…but this was left as an anonymous review…strange.

Jill: (charges up with energy) GIMMEGIMMEGIMME! (tackles Knuckles, starts doing things to him that would make even the horniest guy uncomfortable)

Knuckles: AAAHHHH! SHE'S TOUCHING ME IN A BAD PLACE!

Sonic: CHILI DOGS! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG…

-Many hours later-

Sonic: OMG OMG OMG!

Jack: (puts fingers out of ears) No wonder him and Amy are often paired up…they have so much in common! (shoves him into fan boy pit)

Gay fan boys: (give him plenty of their "chilidogs") (Kids: You ever wonder why your uncle is so close to that one guy? Now you know…)

Amy: HEY! I'm supposed to be the one raping Sonic around here! (jumps into fan boy pit, faces the same treatment as him)

Tails: Time to prep up my kung fu skills…WOYAH! (starts up an array of super fast kicks and punches)

Guys: (rolling on ground clutching between their legs)

Girls: (rubbing breasts) Owww…

Jill: And speaking of balls…Knuckles, I'm pregnant again!

Knuckles: What? Well, that wasn't my fault you were raping me-OW! OW! (receives a beating from Jill that scars him for life) Ugh…my cajones…

Jill: (drags Knuckles to Juno set) Let's go!

I admit, this chapter was very short. But I do not have a lot of time on my hands like before!


	43. Trouble with chatchpharses

Trouble with catchphrases

For this chapter, we are only doing one review. You'll see why…

Knuckles: (shudders) That fan girl was absolutely crazy during Juno! She tried to kill me at least fifteen times throughout the whole movie…

Jill: And I almost succeeded, too! If it weren't for all of those security guards with tasers…(continues grumbling)

Jack: But today…is a celebration! Let's find out for what…

 _Woohoo! This fic has hit 200 reviews! I'd like to take this time to celebrate this momentos occasion by GIVING EVERYONE DARES!_  
 _Mephiles: Just because I don't like you, you must commit suicide 200 times during this chapter and the next three! (50 times each chapter)_  
 _Espio: Use your awesome ninja moves to take out Eggman, Naruto style._  
 _Vector: What kind of music do you listen to? I want you to start listening to music that is most closely the opposite of what you like._  
 _Cosmo: Take Shadow's best Sniper rifle and kill 200 Tails and Cream fangirls because everyone hates them! If anything bad happens to you, then Cream must suffer the same fate ten-fold!_  
 _Silver: paint a proximity mine so that it looks like a chili dog. Activate it and then tell Sonic about the "free chili dog"._  
 _Froggy: I've found a great place for you to finally hide from Big! Hide in the small hole next to the closet._  
 _Big: Find Froggy using the homing device he swallowed in chapter 22._  
 _Chaos: Kill all the chaos so you don't need to protect anyone anymore._  
 _Tikal: Stuff Chaos inside a jar and mail him to Death Valley. (It's extremely hot there)_  
 _Omega: Why did Eggman build you with such a large frame? It just makes you an easier target. I'll let Gamma demonstrate. Gamma, shoot Omega._  
 _Gamma: Gun down Omega again._  
 _Blaze: Sleep with Silver until it becomes to painful to even walk anymore. If you kill him in the process, you must still continue sleeping with him until you're unable to walk._  
 _Metal Sonic: Gun down the now immobile Blaze. Then, jack into a computer and visit many (Cough) inappropriate (Cough) websites. (They're the best places to go to get viruses)_  
 _Jet: You must be a really lousy user of extreme gear to be beaten by someone who has never used it before. (Cough)Sonic(Cough) Anyways, because of that, I want you to give up your life as a rogue because you obviously suck at it!_  
 _Eggman: I want you to get liposuction and see how long you can stay skinny. However, you must pay for it, which will probably be very expensive._  
 _Tails: That was a rather ingenious way to kill Charmy back in chapter 22. You can have these random nukes I found. Also, since you hate Sonic, I want you to tear out his intestines and play jump rope with them while he's still alive. After you're done, hang him by his intestines._  
 _Cream: Since Sacredfire059 rigged a fight between you and Cosmo in your favor even though Cosmo's better, I'm here to even out the score! Fight to the death with Cosmo. However, she gets to use the Chaos Emeralds, the World Rings, every weapon in Shadow the Hedgehog, every weapon Shadow currently has on him, the Sol Emeralds, the Chaos Rings, the Super Emeralds, all of Eggman's robots, and this scale-model thermonuclear weapon. However, I don't want you to be binded because I want to watch you RUN!_  
 _Sonic: Quick question. Why didn't you run after Jet when you fell off at the beginning of Sonic Riders? Were you just pouting because you fell? Since you're such a crybaby, I want to do the hardest, back-breaking work that Jack can possibly think of until you die of dehydration. Maybe then you weon't be such a crybaby!_  
 _Charmy: Tear off your own wings and sell them on EBay even though they won't sell for much because no one likes you!_  
 _Knuckles: Try to dig to China again without getting crushed this time. You'll just need to make the hole much bigger to avoid getting crushed. Of course, that's going to mean ALOT of work... oh well, it's not my problem._  
 _Amy: It's your lucky day! you get to have Sonic! BUT, you can only have him while you're dead, NOT while you're alive!_  
 _Rouge: Do you have implants? If so, have them removed. If not, make your breasts smaller anyway!_  
 _Shadow: Give me all the weapons that Cosmo has leftover from her fight with Cream._  
 _Jack: Please take this time to revive anyone who is currently dead._  
 _Everyone: Free pois- er... I mean free cookies for everyone except Tails and Cosmo! (They're filled with a highly corrosive acid that will eat the characters from the inside out once they're ingested)_  
 _Now that the celebrations are over, excuse me while I take these weapons Shadow brought me and go kill Charmy! (The REAL Charmy, that is) (QUINTUPLE evil laughter)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jack: (fetal position) Biggest…review…ever! I'm scared…

Jill: What makes it scarier is that now this fic has almost 500 reviews! (also goes into fetal position)

Mephiles: How am I supposed to last through all of the torture in a giant review? I can't take it anymore! (pulls out gun, points it at self)

Janitor: (plays song "Beautiful Girls" by Sean Kingston on loudspeaker)

Mephiles: (singing) You'll have me suicidal, suicidal…(BOOM)

Jack: (jumps up) I nominate this as our Most. Random. Moment. Ever! (Revives Mephiles, lets him continue with his emo-suicidal-ness)(I doubt that's a real word!)

Espio: What's Naruto-style? Is it a sex position?

Everyone: (Awkward silence)

Espio:…Never mind. HI-YAH! (jumps on a wall, runs along it and cuts Eggman's head off with a throwing star)

Jack: That was cool enough.

Vector: But I usually listen to any kind of music!

Jack: Then you shall listen to NO music at all! (destroys Vector's headphones)

Vector: NOOOOOOO! (pouts) I have to listen to you idiots TALKING?! That's the worst noise in the world!

Jack: (sighs with relief) The sound of his suffering-and anyone else's-is music to my ears!

Jill: (gives Cosmo the sniper rifle) Now, start warmongering! (pushes Cosmo into TailsCream fan girl crowd)

Cosmo: (starts pulling trigger many times) Fan girls…everywhere!

TailsCream fan girls: (overpower Cosmo, torture her for trying to take their fluffy)

Jack: (pushes Cream into TailsCosmo fan girl crowd) Silly rabbit, Trix are for-

Jill: NO! That's a crappy catchphrase for this situation!

Jack: (glares) Fine…

TailsCosmo fan girls: (start up a torturing contest against TailsCream fan girls)

Jill:…I don't think that torture session will end for quite a while!

Silver: (plants mine, approaches Sonic) Hey! I found a free chili dog!

Sonic: WHERE?! I-(stops, slowly backs away from Silver) Are you hitting on me? Because I don't swing that way!

Silver: NO! I mean that there's a free chili dog here for you!

Sonic: (starts running) HELP! HE'S TRYING TO MOLEST ME! I NEED SOME-(looks down on ground) Ooooh, free chili dog! (BOOM)

Silver: For the last time, I'm not gay!

Fan girls: (pull out gaydars and point them at Silver, start chanting "Beep beep beep")

Silver: (gives the finger to fan girls)

Jack: OUCH! That was surprisingly hardcore of him…but now he'll probably suffer their wrath!

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: FREEEEEDOM!)(jumps into hole)

Jill: Now it's time to use that homing device!

Big: (holds it up) Uhhhhh…how do I use this?

Jack: (sighs) Just follow the dot.

Big: Uhhhh…what's that dot on the screen?

Jill: It's Froggy!

Big: FROGGY?! WHERE?!

Jack: (slaps head) You know what…(bleep) this! He's too stupid…

Chaos: (attacks any Chao in sight)

Cream: NOOOOOO! You bastard, you killed Cheese! (starts plotting how to kill Chaos)

TailsCosmo Fan girls: (continue torturing Cream)

Chaos: (notices all of the dead Chaos) RAAAAAAAAWRRRRRR! (sobs…if he can…I think)

Tikal: Well…since he's now a determined threat to any Chao…(shoves Chaos into jar) I have no problem killing this (bleep)ing jerk! (sends him to Death Valley)

Chaos: (magically escapes Death Valley through the help of a red genie, a group of yellow-brown pixies with magical licorice fairy wands, and an parallel dimension alien army that helps him to kill an evil cyborg king and save the world, thereby causing everyone to live happily ever after…screw it all, he actually just dies)

-Meanwhile-

Gamma: (points gun at Omega) Yippie-kay-yay, mother-

Jack: NO! That's Die Hard's catchphrase!

Gamma: Say hello to my little fr-

Jack: NO! That's from Scarface!

Gamma: Do you want me to shoot you.

Jack: (backs off) Fire away.

Gamma: (blows up Omega)

Eggman: Fat man to the rescue! (rebuilds Omega, only for them BOTH to be blown up by Gamma)

Jack: (high-fives Gamma) That was egg-cellent!

Jill: Honestly, that was a terrible catchphrase!

Jack: It's different!

Jill: But it's crappy! It goes against the rules of catchphrases!

Jack: Screw the rules, I have money-

Jill: NO! Don't use any Yu-Gi-Oh: Abridged quotes either! Besides, you're not rich like Seto Kaiba!

Jack: (grumbles)(revives Eggman and Omega)

Silver: (reads dare) Take THAT, yaoi fan girls! What do your gaydars have to say now?

Yaoi fan girls: (still pointing gaydars at Silver and chanting "Beep beep beep")

Silver: (heads into closet with Blaze) Try not to kill me, okay?

Blaze: Don't worry, I don't want to have necrophilia like Mephiles!

Mephiles: (shouts into closet) That was ONE TIME!

Jack: But with Eggman!

Eggman: (shudders) I feel violated…

-Later-

Blaze: Can't…move…

Silver: (walks out of closet) Well, that sucks for you!

Metal Sonic: Goodbye, Mr. Anderson-

Jack: NO! 1. Blaze is female. 2. You're not Agent Smith. 3. Robots shouldn't use catchphrases!

Jill: What about the Terminator? "I'll be back" is famous!

Jack: (glares) Fine.

Metal Sonic: (kills Blaze, hacks onto computer)

Jack: (also on computer) Let's send him the same virus that Bender received in the first Futurama movie…

Metal Sonic: Robot porn. Ohhh yeah, shove that plug into that socket.

Jill:…Too much information.

Metal Sonic: A download. Interesting. (takes in virus) ajklfdsh9pfawr3wwa6574uijfgh…

Jack: I control you now! Go, my robot servant, and let the fans tear you to pieces!

Metal Sonic: (jumps into fan pit, causes a fire sale for each robot part)

Jill: Look at those crowds! Black Friday is nothing compared to this!

Jet: But what am I going to do now?

Jack: Hmm…how about target practice for everyone's archery skills?

Jet: Damn it, I knew you were going to say that!

Jill: Not just archery practice! (pulls out shotgun) Shotgun practice as well!

Jet: AAAAHHHHH! (runs off while getting shot at)

Eggman: I can afford anything…thanks to my Evil Vault of Doom! BWAHAHA!

Jack: You mean this piggy bank? (holds it up)

Eggman: OINKY?! NOOOOOOO!

Jack: Now go to Beverly Hills already!

-At liposuction lab-

Doctor 1: The machine can't take in much more fat! It's going to explode!

Doctor 2: Oh no…EVACUATE! Flee the premises! Everyone for themselves! (jumps out of a window just as lab blows up)

Eggman: (sighs) I'll go eat some more fast food out of shame…(waddles off)

-Meanwhile-

Tails: (takes weapons) I'm packing heat!

Jack: (sighs) These (bleep)ing clichés…

Tails: (does the bloody, terrible act of betrayal…Hooray!) 1, 2, 3, 4! I'm Mr. Nice guy…no more! (finishes jump roping)

Sonic: Uggghhh…I'm sooo calling the feds on your ass after this show…

Tails: What can they get me with?

Jack: Nyeah…I think building and flying around in an unlicensed warplane is PROBABLY illegal!

Tails: (glares) Those fools will never get the Tornado if I see to it! (hangs Sonic)

Jill: Hey Cosmo, you're back! What kind of oil did you get used as?

Cosmo: (shudders) Lubricant…and used in a way that would make many yaoi fan girls happy to write about!

Everyone: (Awkward silence)

Cosmo: Well, that bitch is going to pay! (grabs Shadow and robots) Off with her head!

Jill: (sighs) That catchphrase was inevitable…

Jack: Damn it! Now you just said a catchphrase from The Matrix!

Jill: I still don't say as many as you do, like…(They continue arguing, completely ignoring Cream's screaming and being blown up 5 million times in the background)

Sonic: (revived) I was pouting because that bastard totally cheated, causing me to lose!

Jet: (runs back on stage) And you didn't run after me because you were too busy being a wuss!

Sonic: (starts crying) He's bringing back bad memories…(fetal position) How could I lose?

Jack: (rolls eyes) You two have never heard of the term "good sportsmanship"!

Jill: Let's send Sonic to a Siberian work camp!

-At said work camp-

Sonic: (panting) Do I ever think this through? No! (continues carrying a giant boulder) I can take this…I MISS MY MOMMY! (starts crying)

Owner: Shut up, you rat! (whips Sonic)

Sonic: WAAAH! (gets thrown out of camp)

Jill: Let's start placing our bets! Which will kill him first, the hypothermia or dehydration?

Everyone: (profits gloriously by betting on dehydration)

-Later-

Knuckles; Damn it! This robot's wings are hard to pull off!

Jack: (holds up welding torch) Here you go, Blaze!

Blaze: So just because I have fire abilities, that automatically means I'm a pyro and know how to weld?

Jack:…Yep.

Blaze: (welds the wings off immediately) DON'T MAKE ANY ASSUMPTIONS!

Tails: (sells the wings online) He's right…Sonic's (bleep) sold for a ton more than this!

Knuckles: (starts digging) Maybe they'll like me over there…I am red, after all!

Amy: I have to kill myself AGAIN?! (starts acting like Mephiles)

Jill: Hey Shadow, why don't you join their emo corner?

Shadow: (glares) I'm too sexy to kill myself!

Rouge: (looks around) …You got me. Yes!

Jill: Then get moving already! (takes her to plastic surgeon)

Jack: (whimpers) My boobies…(revives everyone)

-After the trip-

Knuckles; (panting0 I made it to China! (looks up) Hi, everyone-AAAHHH! (becomes a nearby restaurant's "echidna delicacy")

Rouge: (looks down) Well, this sucks! I'm going to have to find a new way to get my pay raises…

Shadow: (hands over weapons) Don't hurt them! They're basically my babies…

Jill: And now for your death-I mean, feast!

Everyone: Hooray! (starts eating up the cookies)

Eggman: Finally, I'm getting the sugar I need-AAHHHH! (melts)

Sonic: (points to cookies while dying) But…you all are supposed my friends! How could you cookies betray me? (dies)

Jack: I think this is the first time we've poisoned the Sonic characters!

-After reviving everyone-

Shadow: (sighs, then gathers around all Sonic characters) Let's assess our situation. We've all been brutally tortured, raped, and murdered, and we all are still in this fic under our contracts with no end in sight. I blame Charmy.

Everyone: Agreed! (joins Super Dragon in the hunt for the real Charmy)

Jill: Charmy has ANOTHER death mob after him?

Jack: This makes the fic even more fun!

As you can probably tell from the many times that I have used awkward silences in this fic, I am a big fan of The Office! Hooray for Thursday nights!


	44. Christmas

Christmas

Here we are! Christmas at last! But first, I have amazing news!

Jill: I am shocked!

Jack: What's happened now?

Jill: We now have more reviews than Babylon Sky Hawk's Sonic Heroes: Series fic. This means…(drum roll) WE ARE NOW THE MOST POPULAR SONIC FIC!

Jack: OMG! I…can't believe this…(faints)

Jill: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! All of your reviews contributed to this amazing achievement! (wakes up Jack) Now, it's time for Christmas!

Jack: Yes, and we shall start off with two dares of my own! First…(gives Eggman a Santa outfit) PUT IT ON, FATTY!

Eggman: (sighs) I knew this was bound to happen…

Shadow: (sighs) This costume wearing is getting annoying…

Jack: (glares) And for Mr. Grumpy over here…you'll have to wear a Scrooge outfit!

Shadow: (takes outfit) I hate you so much right now!

-Later-

Jack: (points gun at Shadow and Eggman in their costumes) Now say the catchphrases!

Eggman: (starts sobbing, then gulps) Ho ho ho…

Shadow: (glares, then sighs) Bah, humbug.

Jill: CHRISTMAS IS HERE! HOORAY!

Jack: But that's enough of our torturing, let's get to the torturing done by you reviewers…

 _CHRISTMAS!OK, Here they are._  
 _Sonic:Get amy a gift and confess your love for her._  
 _Vanilla:Up your daughter under the mistletoe_  
 _Cosmo:Turn yourself into a mistletoe._  
 _Tails:Up Cream under Cosmo(mistletoe)._  
 _Knuckles:Make a HUGE Christmas feast WITHOUT a cookbook._  
 _Shadow:Paint yourself your red highlights the same._  
 _Rouge:Give your jewels to the others as Christmas gifts._  
 _Well, that should work. Oh, and can I come over there for, like, 30 seconds? I want to give something to Metal Sonic, Charmy,and Eggman.(Don't tell them their gifts are dynamite.)_  
 _CHOCOLATE!_  
 _-Gunslinger 117_

Jack: Chocolate? Where?

Sonic: Giving gifts to my crazed fan girl stalker? No way!

Jill: You greedy bastard! Give her a gift or else!

Sonic: (goes out and gets the present) Amy, I got you…a new dress!

Amy: (goes into closet, puts it on, then comes out) Does this make me look fat?

Jack: (backs FAR away) Oh (bleep)! Sonic is so screwed! Every guy knows that the chick will be upset no matter which way you answer!

Sonic: (thinking to self) How do I get out of this? Amy, I…love you!

Amy: (tackles Sonic) OMG OMG OMG OMG…

Sonic: (gets covered in kisses) AHHHHHHH!

Vanilla: WHAT?! That's really…(bleep)ed up.

Cream: I'm not doing it with my mom!

Jack: Well, I have to deal with some other things first! (takes Cosmo over to Janitor) He needs to take you somewhere for your gift…

Cosmo: Um…okay. (heads off with Janitor towards a conveniently located wood chipper) AHHHHHH!

Jill: Ignore those sounds. We still need to settle this issue of yuri incest!

Jack: Hmmm…Would it help to have it be a threesome with Tails?

Vanilla: Um…I guess a little bit.

Cream: It wouldn't be as bad, but still pretty messed up.

Janitor: (hangs up "mistletoe" in closet) Hehehe…I showed that damn kid…and the others will follow…

Jack: Stop complaining! It's Christmas!

Janitor: Never! It's a part of me!

Jack: If you continue complaining, I'll make you wear that Scrooge outfit instead of Shadow!

Janitor: (silence)

Jack: That's better. Now, let's get the threesome underway! (throws Cream, Vanilla, and Tails into closet)

Tails: WOW! This is the best Christmas gift ever!

Mistletoe: NOOOOOO!

Knuckles: (starts cooking on a fire) I think I'll put in this thing…and that thing…and there's my thingamabob stew!

Sonic: (shudders) You suck at cooking!

Jill: And that's not a big feast! You have to cook EVERYTHING!

Knuckles:…Damn. (continues)

Shadow: I'm not doing that (bleep).

Jill: It's in season, damn it! (grabs green paint bucket) Now start painting! (sics a fan girl crowd on Shadow)

Shadow: NOOOOOO! My immortal enemy! THE FAN CROWD! (gets tackled, painted all over)

Fan girls: BISHIE BISHIE BISHIE…

Jack: The poor guy…he totally deserves this gift! (holds up a book titled "How to Avoid Your Fan Girl Stalkers")

Shadow: (gets up) NOOOOO! My cool black fur is gone!

Sonic: (rolling on floor laughing)

Rouge: Not my darlings!

Espio: Just give it up already! They can do a LOT worse to you this Christmas…and probably will!

Rouge: (sighs) All of that stealing for nothing…(hands over jewels to everyone)

Knucklesa: Hey! I finished!

Shadow: What is that? You just cooked a bunch of small animals over a fire!

Sonic: OH NO! Those were the animals I rescue from Eggman's capsules all of the time!

Knuckles: Ohhhhhh…sorry about that. (runs with Sonic chasing after him)

Eggman: (laughing) MWAHAHA! I finally proved my dominance over poor, defenseless little animals!

Jack: (rolls eyes) What will you move up next towards, fish?

Eggman: Exactly! I am so powerful…

Jill: (sighs) What an idiot…(hands over dynamite to Eggman, Charmy, and Metal Sonic)

Eggman: Just what I wanted! Presents! Let's just open it…(BOOM)

Jack: Wow…those robot parts of Metal Sonic do fly a far distance…

 _Ah a christmas Torture from Me to you._  
 _Hohohoho Rouge gets to kill anyone whos been annoying her lately!_  
 _Merry christmas Knuckles! You get to merry Rouge (after the revenge)_  
 _Coal for you Shadow! Nuclear Coal to be exact._  
 _The weather outside is frightful but the nuke codes i gave Tails is even more Frighting!_  
 _Cream and Cosmo duel it out with candy canes sharpened to a point._  
 _Sonic's been bad this year but amys funny epsecially since she dies so much! Sonic is chained to Amy for 2 chapters!_  
 _Eggman youve been good but i hate you so FANGIRL CATAPULT! ACTIVATE!_  
 _Merry christmas from Santa Bolt!_  
 _-Bolt the Wolf_

Rouge: Blaze has been competing with me for hottest as of late…so DIE! (kicks Blaze right in the head, killing her)

Knuckles: Now I get to marry you and do you and…

Rouge: (rolls eyes) Great. I have to marry the Iron Chef over here!

Knuckles: You really think I'm that good?

Jack: (blinks) You don't know about sarcasm? Wow…you have a lot to learn!

-At the wedding-

Sonic: How come you're not concerned, Jack? Aren't you a fan boy?

Jack: She deflated last chapter! Now I have nothing to ogle over! Jill, on the other hand…

Jill: (bursts into chapel) NOOOOOOOOO! (starts up a fight with Rouge)

Shadow: Cool! A wedding day chick fight! This Christmas isn't so bad after all…(opens stocking) Hmmm…what are these glowing green bars in here? They look like fun! (takes out carbon rods, plays with them for a bit)

Jack: (backs away) Alright…that's your cancer!

-Back on stage-

Tails: (heads out of closet, takes codes) Never mind what I said before…THIS is the best Christmas present ever! Now, I have to go and determine which countries to hold hostage…(walks off)

Cream: (blushing) Wow…my boyfriend's going to take over the world…how romantic!

Cosmo: (heads out of closet in normal form) He's MY boyfriend! (grabs candy cane, breaks it against the wall)

Cream: (ditto)

Jack: Cool! This is exactly like those barfights, but with candy canes instead of beer glasses!

Janitor: (plays the Star Trek fight music in the background)(If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch Star Trek…or Jim Carrey's movie "The Cable Guy")

Cream: (starts up the epic fight)

Jill: (chains Sonic to one of his crazed fan girls…oh wait, that's Amy!)

Sonic:…I'm going to die this chapter!

Amy: THANK YOU! Christmas is complete for me! I get feel and smell of Sonic…

Sonic: Actually, that's my hair gel.

Jack: I've wondered…how much hair gel do you, Shadow, and Silver use?

Shadow: That's a secret!

Silver: 10 bottles!

Shadow:…Damn. I hate you now.

Eggman: Ho ho ho! That's very naughty-AAAHHH! (gets catapulted into fan girls) HEY! STOP GROPING ME!

Fan girls: (Did you honestly think they would listen? Of course not!)

Jill: The hilarity continues…

 _OK! do these for christmas!_  
 _1) sonic, give shadow a gun for christmas. Name it maria._  
 _2) Shadow, kill sonic with your new 'toy'_  
 _3) Amy, shove his new toy up his **._  
 _4) Yuri orgy in the closet! All sonic female characters must get in!_  
 _5) Men, you may watch!_  
 _6) except knuckles. He's busy finding the master emerald to sell on Ebay._  
 _7) Tails... I was originally going to have you stick your own tails up your **, but then I remembered that I like you. Here's santa's address, phone number, cell number, and coordinate location. And two nukes. Terrorize him into giving you everything you've ever wanted for christmas. (i smell a threesome coming on_  
 _8)Sonic... get revived, and give charmy the (bleep) job of his life!_  
 _9) Charmy: enjoy it._  
 _10) TEN LORDS A LEAPING! Silver must create clone copies of himself, and have them all race to seven different finish lines by pole-vaulting. At the various finish lines are 10 female sonic characters. The first silver to get to the finish line may touch the protrusions all he wants without getting harmed or killed._  
 _11) Chaos: empregnate Tikal... with a chao._  
 _12) Shadow: Forcibly cancel Juno with your new gun! NOONE WILL LOSE THEIR BABIES ANYMORE! HAHAHAHATHE TWELVE DAYS OF THE APOC-err... CHRISTMAS TORTURE HAVE COME!BHWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _-IsaacGaretMia_

Jack: (rolling on floor laughing) I loved that last line!

Sonic: Alright, Mr. Scrooge. Time to give you your present! (hands gun over to a glaring Shadow)

Shadow: What did you just call me? Get him, Maria! (shoots Sonic, then kisses gun) Great job!

Jack: Oh yeah, I forgot about that! Amy's still the world's greatest yaoi fan girl!

Amy: You nearly shot me with that gun! Face my wrath! (grabs gun, does things to Shadow with it that would definitely not be a part of Christmas spirit)

Shadow: (shudders) I hate getting violated by fan girls!

Jill: You're a bishie! Get used to it!

Cream: A yuri orgy? But I'm still fighting to the death with this plant (bleep)er!

Cosmo: How DARE you! (continues clashing candy canes)

Yuri fan boys: (charge onto stage, then drag Cream, Cosmo, and all other Sonic girls into closet)

Espio: Hooray! They left the closet door open!

Knuckles: On eBay? Ugh…I'm always finding the Master Emerald just to lose it again! (walks off, passing by Tails whom is walking back on)

Tails: I've got it! I shall blackmail Santa! I've already had a threesome for Christmas …but another one wouldn't be too bad! (calls him up) I have a proposition to make…GET ME A (bleep)LOAD OF WOMEN OR I'LL BLOW YOU SKY HIGH, MOTHER(bleep)ER! Hehehe…

-Later-

Tails: (heads out of closet) Too…much…sex.

Sonic: (revived) Why aren't I getting that?

Jill: Oh, you're about to have some sex…(hypnotizes Sonic and Charmy, sends them into closet as the girls head out)

Charmy: Ohhh yeah, Cream…you've practiced with this, haven't you?

Shadow: (shudders) Unfortunately, he has…(remembers Chapter 17)

Jack: Time for some racing! AUTHOR POWERS! (Clones Silver several times, puts them all on a track)

Blaze: I hate this! Being put on the finish line is very objective to us Sonic women, and-

Jill: (blows whistle) Start the race!

Silvers: (All running slowly)

Original Silver: (panting) I…don't think I can make it…(collapses)

Random Silver clone: (wins, starts up sexual harrassment)

Jack: Now for even more sex! (kicks out Charmy and Sonic, shoves in Chaos and Tikal)

Tikal: (in closet) What are you using there? Is that supposed to be a sex toy? It's kind of big…OH MY YOU! (Chaos is a God of Destruction, right?) THAT WAS A CHAO!

Knuckles: (comes back on stage) Oh great! Now she's pregnant with another guy?

Jill: Specifically, a Chao!

Knuckles: (sells Master Emerald on eBay) This is the worst Christmas ever!

Tikal: (grabs Chao) Let's get going already…(heads to Juno set)

Shadow: What? But what if I…(sighs) I guess I don't have a choice. (heads after them with "Maria" in hand)

-In Juno-

Cashier: Your eggo is preggo-(BOOM)(gets shot by Shadow)

Tikal: What the (bleep) are you doing here-(BOOM)(also gets killed by Shadow)

Chao: Ch-(BOOM)

Shadow: This killing spree is really helping in calming down my nerves!

-Back on stage-

Jill: Now to this chapter's anonymous review…

 _Oh Christmas time..._  
 _Dares:_  
 _Chris: You must go to the North Pole, butt naked and find Santa and tell him that you wish have to Sonic The Hedgehog for Christmas!_  
 _Danny: You get to makeout with *ALL* of the female Sonic characters under the mistletoe, because like I said before, you're a pimp and it's Christmas!_  
 _Francis: Build a snowman that looks like Eggman and then destroy it with the real Eggman watching!_  
 _Helen: Christmas is a time of giving and for you, everyone is going to give you the ride of your life by racing your wheelchair around the stage until you puke 20 times!_  
 _Amy: Dress in a sexy Santa's Little Helper outfit and make Jack drool at you while Jill watches..._  
 _All for now_  
 _-Danny Fan_

Jack: Let's bring those four on…in their 17-year old forms, of course!

Jill: (hypnotizes Chris) Now get going! Some yaoi fan girls are very anxious!

Chris: (runs off) I'll be there, Santa!

Danny: (reads dare)YES! I like the way this show is going so far…(starts making out with every female Sonic character)

Jill: You're right…Danny is totally a pimp!

Jack: I have to admit, he's pretty awesome!

Francis: (starts building snowman) I like this show so far too! I'm going to need a LOT more snow, though…

-Meanwhile-

Chris: (runs into Santa's workshop naked) I want Sonic for Christmas!

Santa: (looks at Chris and sighs) First that fox holds my workshop hostage, and now I have to deal with the Sonic/Chris yaoi fan girls…This is the last time I go to Japan for Christmas! (Robot Chicken line)

-Back on stage-

Francis: The snowman is finished! (grabs baseball bat) Let's smash it!

Jack: (pulls out baseball bat) Can I join?

Francis:…Sure! (destroy snowman together)

Eggman: (sobbing) Even the new characters hate me…

Santa: (flies in with Chris) I can't believe I'm doing this…(throws Chris to yaoi fan girls)

Yaoi: fan girls: (grab Chris, then charge onto stage)

Sonic: What do those fan girls want now?

Jack: YOU!

Sonic: What are you guys talking about?

Jill:…You see, there's also yaoi about you and Chris!

Sonic: WHAT?! (gets grabbed by yaoi fan girls, taken to their shaggin' wagon) AAAAAAHH!

Helen:…My dare doesn't sound too good.

Charmy: (grabs wheelchair) Well, I have the sugar for it, so I'll ride her around! (takes off with her at a blinding speed)

Helen: AH! I'm getting dizzy quickly…

-20 throw-ups and Janitor rantings later-

Amy: (puts on "revealing" outfit) I want to sit on someone's lap…how about Jack's? (sits on him, starts up a lap dance)

Jack: Must…resist…crazy stupid fan girl…

Amy: (pulls out whip) You're on the naughty list…so you're getting a spanking tonight!

Jack: (drools)

Jill: (sighs) You guys are so horny…

-Later-

Tails: (tied to the top of a Christmas tree by his tails) Umm…guys? A little help here? Hello?

Jack: If you don't quit complaining, we'll do what IsaacGaretMia almost did to you in his seventh dare and have you stick your tails up your ass!

Tails: (silence)

Jack: That's better! Now…I have to ask Mephiles something in the form of a Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged scene…Why did you kill Sonic?

Mephiles: Because I wanted Elise to cry!

Jack: But, why?

Mephiles: Because I wanted Iblis to be released!

Jack: But, why?

Mephiles: Because I wanted to destroy the world!

Jack: But, why?

Mephiles: I don't know…because I'm evil!

Jack: But, why? (As you can tell, I love using Copy and Paste!)

Mephiles: (sighs) It's a long story. Hmmm…I think it all started back in my childhood…

-A few hours later-

Mephiles: (smoking a cigarette)…then, when one of my parental gods told me to wear a tutu, I knew it could only go downhill from there…

Everyone: (blinking)

Jill: Wow…I can totally imagine Mephiles in a tutu…that's messed up!

Mephiles: Now to continue that dare from the previous chapter…(shoots self)

Shadow: At least the first part of Christmas is over! Between now and part 2, I'm going to go chug some Jager Bombs! (A cocktail of Red Bull and Jagermeister, often used in college Christmas parties)

Jill: You heard him! There's PLENTY more of Christmas dares coming up! Just wait around until then!

Now I have to go and ensure my lead…(pulls out sword and charges at Babylon Sky Hawk, starts up swordfight) THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!


	45. A Sonic Christmas carol

A Sonic Christmas carol

Time to enter part 2!

Shadow: I…am sooo drunk right now…(laughs)

Jill: WHOA! Did he just smile…and laugh?

Jack: Every time Shadow smiles, a puppy dies! (Another Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged line)

Sonic: Let's get going already! I want to see what happens when Shadow is drunk during a review!

 _Time for some Christmas dares! In celebration, I've got special dares for ALL YOU! But, only the first half right now._  
 _Jack: You get to have Rouge for Christmas!_  
 _Jet: You can have brand new extreme gear! (The gear will explode when he uses it, and it's going to be a BIG explosion, so get some distance)_  
 _Sonic: You get a new pair of shoes! (I just want to see what his feet look like since he never seems to take his shoes off)_  
 _Rouge: Become one of Santa's reindeer and help him deliver presents._  
 _Tails: Since you're so awesome, you can have whatever you could possibly desire!_  
 _Mephiles: Since you're on the naughty list this year, you get to become Santa's own personal bitc h! You should also dress like it too._  
 _Blaze: For your present, you get... ME!_  
 _Big: For your present you get... A bunch of Froggy look-alikes! (When he takes them away, videotape whatever he does with them)_  
 _Tikal: You can have weapons to go kill your whole tribe and finally become independent!_  
 _Chaos: You get the whole day off from protecting the Chao! (If he doesn't like his gift, then run him over in a tank)_  
 _Gamma:For your present, Tails will give you an accuracy upgrade for your weapons. Why don't you try it out on Amy?_  
 _Cosmo: You get to marry Tails again! You might want to hide your certificate and rings in a better place this time, though._  
 _Eggman: Your present is hidden behind Chuck Norris's beard. (Everyone knows that Chuck Norris only has another fist behind his beard)_  
 _I'll be back with the second part later! (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jack: Alright! But I'll wait until a bit later to use this gift…

Jet: Finally! I can begin my career as a Rogue anew! My bliss is currently sky high!

Jill: And so are you!

Jet: Wha-(BOOM)

Sonic: Nice! These tennis shoes were starting to wear out! (takes off shoes)

Jill: OMG! Those feet look…normal! I'm absolutely shocked!

Sonic: What do you mean?

Jack: From what many fanfics have said, we all expected something really grotesque to come out of your shoes!

Sonic:…Nope. Just normal. (starts putting on shoes)

Jack: Well, that sucked! But I have a surprise for him…

Sonic: YOW! Who put rat traps in my new shoes? (glares at Jack)

Jack: But that's not all…

Sonic: (tries pulling shoes off) HEY! My feet are stuck!

Jill: More fun with superglue! Now you'll be stuck with those rat traps on your feet for the rest of Christmas!

Sonic: NOOOOOO! (sobs in pain)

Fan boys: (cheering at hearing Rouge's dare)

Rouge: Why would people want me to become one of Santa's reindeer?

Jack: You would be naked, in a harness, and being whipped…(drools)

Jill: Just start it up already! I want her to suffer!

Rouge: No way! I may be fan service, but not to that extent!

Jack: Now you are! AUTHOR POWERS!

Rouge: (harnessed to sleigh in Santa's workshop) Those (bleep)ing fan boys!

Tails: Don't worry…I got already got all I needed from Santa last chapter!

Jack: Now to do even more teleporting for Mephiles and Blaze! AUTHOR POWERS!

Mephiles: (in Mrs. Claus outfit at workshop) OH ME!(remember, he's a god too!)

Santa: (enters) Honey, I'm home…and I have a SPECIAL gift for you! (grabs Mephiles, takes him into bedroom)

Mephiles: Wait…you're making a mistak-AAAAHHHH!

Rouge: (looks over at bedroom)Well, I guess my fate could've been worse…

Santa: WHAT?! What happened to your…(throws up)

Mephiles: (shoots self again)

Blaze: (in the closet on Super Dragon's fic) Time to do yet another fan boy…

Big: YAAYYY! So many Froggys…(scoops them all up, takes them offstage)

Jack: (looks at camera, then becomes mortified) OH JEEZ! He's…using them as a pillow to sleep! They're all dying one by one…(throws up)

Jill: (looks at footage) This is just plainly a massacre…

Tikal: (grabs weapons) Finally, those jerks will pay! (heads to echidna tribe, starts up a killing spree)

Chaos: RAWR!

Jack: I don't think he likes it…drive!

Jill: (hops into tank, runs Chaos down into a puddle)

Gamma: Another fan girl shooting round commences. (starts blasting at Amy)

Jack: Wow, that is accurate. He's shooting her everywhere that's not lethal to cause the most pain!

Amy: AAAAHHH! Sonic, help me!

Sonic: NO WAY! I'm trying to not get shot, seeing as I'm still chained to you!

Jill: Didn't they already marry?

Tails: Yeah, but I was the wife! (shudders) That strap-on gives me bad memories…

-At wedding-

Random TailsCosmo Fan girl: I now pronounce you husband/wife and husband/wife! YAY!

Cosmo:…This is awkward!

Eggman: Behind his beard, you say? (grabs Chuck Norris' beard, looks behind it) OW! My nose! (rolls on floor with a bloody nose)

Shadow: That alone makes this wedding almost as good as the last one! Ah, I loved that chick fight…

Cream: NOOOOO! (tackles Cosmo, starts up fight)

Shadow: (grins) Now this wedding is perfect.

-Back on stage-

Jill: Shadow…you've been lucky so far. But now that you've sobered up, it's time for some pain…

 _The Shadow tourture continues!_  
 _I dare Shadow to learn the true meaning of Christmas, then have Sonic and Silver bury him in plushies._  
 _-Burn the Dragon_  
 _Jack: (laughing) This…is genius!_  
 _Shadow: What the (bleep) is the true meaning of Christmas?_  
 _Jill: Well…since we put you in that Scrooge outfit last chapter, you shall now go through the Christmas Carol! From that you shall learn the true meaning of Christmas!_  
 _Jack: And while Shadow undergoes that, this shall also happen!_  
 _Have Cream grow a beard, be Santa, and give Tails to Cosmo for a present._  
 _And she has to like it_  
 _-Alterer_

Cream: How do I grow a beard?

Jill: (gives Cream tons of steroids) Soon you'll be like Sonic!

Sonic: (glares)

Cream: (injects self with steroids) And while we wait for my beard to grow, we shall have the Sonic Christmas Carol!

-That night-

Mephiles' ghost: Shadow…

Shadow: Oh look, it's a mouthless faker…oh wait, that's Mephiles!

Mephiles' ghost (glares) You shall be haunted by 3 ghosts tonight!

Shadow: And I care why? I kicked your ass, so I can probably kick their asses!

Mephiles' ghost: (sighs) This is going to be troubling…

-Later-

Shadow: What are you doing here, fatty? Did Burger King close early?

Eggman: (glares) I am the Ghost of Christmas Past! Here's a Christmas you had many years ago…

-Flashback-

Maria: Hey Shadow! What did you get me for Christmas?

Shadow: (looking out window at Earth) I wonder what life is like down there…

Maria: Aren't you even listening to me?

Shadow: (still looking out window) All of those people…

Maria: Hmmph! Fine then, I'm out of here! (storms off)

Shadow: (still looking out window) Life down there must be so great…

-Back in room-

Eggman: Do you get it now?

Shadow:…No.

Eggman: Damn it! I thought I would totally kick ass too…

-Later-

Sonic: Hey, emo.

Shadow: Hey, idiot.

Sonic: I have to show you your mistakes in the present now, because I'm totally better than you!

Shadow: Yeah right! (tackles Sonic, starts beating him up)

Sonic: AUGH! Must…start vision!

-Flash(back or forward? No idea)-

Tails: Shadow, what am I getting for Christmas?

Shadow: (smoking) You get to go away, okay?

Amy: Shadow, what am I getting for Christmas?

Shadow: (chugging booze) A foot in your ass if you don't go away!

Cream: Shadow, what am I getting for Christmas?

Shadow: (soliciting with hookers) I don't know what you're getting, but I'm getting some action tonight! (heads off to nearby room with hookers)

-Back in room-

Sonic: What do you think?

Shadow: THAT WAS AWESOME!

Sonic: (sighs) I can't get through to him either, and the next ghost is…(gasps) Silver! (sighs) We're doomed…

-Later-

Shadow: Now you're here! You ready for me to kick your ass again?

Silver: Umm…no! I'm here to show you what your future will be like if you don't change…

-Flash forward-

Shadow: What is that?

Silver: It's Sonic.

Shadow: WHAT?! But…he's so big and furry…and has a voice that fan girls find sexy!

Silver: You see, THAT is his werehog form! If you don't change your ways, this new bishie will become number 1!

Shadow: No way! No one can usurp my position as top Sonic bishie!

Silver: You want to see a sign that he is taking your position? In the new game Sonic Unleashed…you don't have a single scene!

Shadow: NOOOOOOOOOO! How can I change this?

Silver: You have to become nicer! It's the only way! Give to others!

Shadow: I'll do it! I promise…

-Later-

Shadow: Hey, everyone…In the spirit of Christmas, BOOZE FOR ALL! (hands out booze to everyone)

Jack: Umm...thank you…I guess.

Sonic: And now, for insulting Silver and I…(buries Shadow in plushies with Silver's help)

Shadow: AAAHHH! The plushie! My immortal enemy!

Cream: (hypnotized) Ho ho ho! And here you go, Cosmo! You can have Tails! (throw Tails to Cosmo)

Cosmo: This Christmas is getting to be fun!

Jack: And now we get to the celebratory makeout sessions…

 _Whoa! The review box thingy changed while I was gone!_  
 _Bella: Just review, you moron._  
 _Me: Okay, okay. Anyway, Xmas dares, hmm? Well, here's some missletoe moments I'd like to see (Note: Prepare for one helluva list):_  
 _-_  
 _Vector/Vanilla_  
 _Big/Vanilla_  
 _Amy/Sonic_  
 _Sonic/Tails_  
 _Amy/Knuckles_  
 _Amy/Cream, Rouge, Wave, Sonia(Sonic's sister), Cosmo, Tikal, and Blaze. (So... Pretty much Amy and any girl there except Jill and Vanilla)_  
 _Tails/Cosmo_  
 _Cosmo/Cream_  
 _Tails/Cream_  
 _Shadow/Rouge_  
 _Tikal/Knuckles_  
 _Blaze/Silver (BTW, screw you Sonaze, Shadaze, Silvamy fans!)_  
 _Charmy/Cream_  
 _Charmy/Cosmo_  
 _Cosmo/Gamma_  
 _Tikal/Chaos_  
 _Jet/Wave_  
 _Storm/Wave_  
 _Espio/Sonia (Sonic's sister)_  
 _Sonic/Sally Acorn_  
 _Oh yeah, and get Cosmo to grow killer Christmas trees and get the gang to reinact (I don't care if I said that wrong) The Nightmare Before Christmas with this cast:_  
 _Jack Skellington: Shadow_  
 _Sally Finklestein: Rouge_  
 _Oogie Boogie: Eggman_  
 _Lock, Shock and Barrel: Charmy, Cream and Cheese_  
 _Dr. Finklestein: Tails_  
 _Igor: Gamma_  
 _Jewel (Finklestein's creation): Cosmo (Make her semi-ugly and covered in stitches)_  
 _Santa: Er, Santa_  
 _Mayor: Sonic_  
 _Zero: Froggy_  
 _Everyone else: Either really ugly monsters or really evil toys. Your choice._  
 _Oh yeah, and have Scourge give Espio a present only to have it blow up in his face, then have Scourge laugh his ass off (literally)._  
 _-Cartoonatic55_

Jack: We're on a short amount of time here, so to speed through the makeout sessions…(throws everyone into closet hung under mistletoe) That's better!

Jet: (points at Storm) Touch Wave and die!

Storm: (backs off) Okay boss! I'll do whaddever ya say!

Amy: I'm not making out with every girl!

Vanilla: And I'm not making out with that slob! (points at Big)

Cosmo: And I'm not making out with a robot! (points at Gamma)

Sonic: And I'm not making out with Tails! Also, I don't want that chameleon making out with my sister!

Jill: (sighs) Do I have to do everything around here? (hypnotizes everyone into making out) That's better!

-Many kisses later-

Cosmo: (sprouts up Christmas trees) The decorations are ready!

Jack: Let's start up the singing!

Everyone: (singing) THIS IS HALLOWEEN! THIS IS HALLOWEEN! HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN…

-Later-

Cream: I don't like this role! Charmy keeps hitting on me!

Jack: Just go abduct Santa already!

Cream: (sighs) Fine…

-Later-

Shadow: (sighs) Why do I have a pet frog?

Rouge: (temporarily back from her duties) Let's just kick Oogie's ass already!

Shadow: (grins) Agreed!

Eggman: (sighs) Great. I have to be the evil fat guy.

Sonic: More importantly, the evil fat guy who gets KILLED!

Shadow: (cuts open Eggman, causing bugs to spill out) Hooray!

Tails: Hehehe…Maybe now they'll stop trying to poison me…

Rouge: Never!

Tails: Damn!

-Later-

Sonic: OH NO! It's…yet another attempt by the writers to create a Sonic archrival!

Scourge: Shut up! I'm definitely the best of all of them so far!

Shadow: Oh, really?

Scourge: Hell yes! To show off my cunning…(hands present to Espio) Chuck Norris told me to give this to you!

Espio: The ultimate kung fu master? I'm honored! (opens present)(BOOM)

Scourge: (laughing, then grabs bottom) Oh my…

 _Okay this is probably lame but my brain is fried at the moment_  
 _Shadow:get a misstletoe and hang it above your head and see how many girls will come and kiss you_  
 _Blaze:be the only girl that kisses shadow under the misstletoe_  
 _Silver:you cant hurt shadow for kissing blaze_  
 _Rouge:you cant hurt blaze for kissing shadow_  
 _Sonic:MISSLETOE!AMY!you know what to do_  
 _Knuckles:dress up like a raindeer and prance around_  
 _Amy:Under the misstletoe with mephiles_  
 _Mephiles:MAKEOUT WITH AMY UNDER THE MISSTLETOE AND NEITHER OF YOU CAN COMPLAIN!_  
 _Merry christmas!_  
 _-Safarithecat_

Shadow: (gulps) (holds up mistletoe)

Legions of fan girls: (swarm in, try to get to Shadow)

Blaze: NO! I want him first! (kills them all…somehow)

Shadow: Thank you! They would have done horrible things to me!

Blaze: No problem. (kisses him)

Silver: Damn…it. (growls)

Sonic: (holds up mistletoe)

Amy: Oh Sonic, this is so romantic…being chained up to you like this…

Jack: (backs away) Once again, Amy shows just how disturbing she can be…

Knuckles: (puts on antlers) This sucks…(starts prancing around)

Everyone: (laughing)

Santa: Look who I found! (drags in Mephiles)

Jack: (revives Mephiles) Perfect! We can do the next dare!

Jill: (hypnotizes Mephiles and Amy into a makeout session)

Sonic: I don't like being chained up like this…especially when she's making out with guys…

-Later-

Rouge: (attached to sleigh) When is Santa coming back out from the stage? It's cold out here…

Jack: Then I guess I'll take my present right now! (holds up a whip grinning)

Rouge:…(bleep).

Obviously, we still have plenty of more Christmas reviews to go through! But the bad news is…the next part won't be until a week from now! My family loves to time-hog me with their ski trip. So until then…Merry Christmas, everyone!


	46. Will Christmas ever end?

Will Christmas ever end?

I'm back after a long week! This Christmas arc is going to take forever…

Jack: Well, the very eventful previous week is over! Now I can get writing again…no thanks to you! (glares at Jill)

Jill: I have to explain. I'M A CRAZED FAN GIRL!

Jack: What happened was that she tried to literally drag me into the movie theater to see Twilight…(shudders)

Jill: Fine. Don't watch it. (crosses arms) Hmph!

Jack: But this adventure DID give me an idea for a torture…(turns Sonic into werehog form)

Sonic: Sweet! My sexy form is back!

Fan girls: (cheering incessantly)

Sonic: (gets grabbed by Jack) NO! DON'T THROW ME TO THEM!

Jack: I'm not throwing you to just any regular fan girls…I'm throwing you to the Twilight fan girls! (tosses Sonic)

Twilight fan girls: YAAAAAY! WEREWOLF BISHIE! (do many things to him that only extremely obsessed people would do)

Jill: Wow…even I wouldn't do that to any bishies….

 _Alright I will let hem suffer Spongebob Christmas style._  
 _Jack: Take a break do whatever you like take the day off._  
 _Sonic & Shadow: Have a snowball fight to the dead (Shadow had a machine snowball gun). Then you have to listen Spongebob's Christmas Song 30 times. Then Re-Birth Thomas( Rouge gives birth to him). & Have A Christmas Ride with him on the Island of Sodor Again, this time you can't destroy it with Barney inside him._  
 _Rouge: Give birth to Thomas the Tank engine_  
 _Silver: Shave Of All Your Fur, then go outside until you have balls frostbite, then have it amputated._  
 _Amy: Turn ino a giant & eat evryone (exept Jack & Jill) until you're full then Creamshaves a nuclear grenad up yur butt, If you touch Sonic it detonates._  
 _Metal Sonic: Listen to Alvin & th Chipmunks Chipmunk Song, then Dance to Mr. Roboto._  
 _Big: Gain intelligence ( smarter than Tails ) & explain to him Rouge going through labor, the meaning of life, & why he sucks balls then it confuses him until he dies._  
 _-Static the Storm Hedgehog_

Jack: I just got back from a week-long break…so I've got to get writing again! (brings Sonic back on stage)

Sonic: (starts throwing snowballs at a speed that would make Buddy from Elf ashamed)

Shadow: (grabs gun) Perfect! (starts shooting down Sonic)

Sonic: AH! (gets pulverized)

Shadow: Take that, faker!

Jill: Let's get to the next part! (locks Sonic and Shadow into a room)

Sonadow yaoi fan girls: (cheering)

Jill: We don't mean by that! GAH!

Janitor: (turns up stereo, hooks it up into room)

Shadow: NOOOOOOOOO! Not THAT song!

Sonic: (shudders) The singing is terrible…I CAN'T STAND IT!

Shadow: (starts banging on door) PLEASE! FOR EVERYTHING THAT'S MERCIFUL!

Jack: They're dying in there...perfect!

-Later-

Police chief: It looks like we have 2 bodies here, killed by…OH JEEZ! NOT THAT SONG! (throws up) This is…terrible!

Random officer: How could SEGA let this happen to their 2 main characters? Having to listen to that song…

Jack: Yes…we're treating the Sonic characters worse than how Hollywood treated Marilyn Monroe!

Rouge: Ugh…I think I'm pregnant again! (suddenly starts giving birth to the train)

Jack: Whoa…that was definitely not my kid! (revives Sonic and Shadow)

Shadow: Well, there can't be anything more annoying than what we just experienced-AH! (gets hit by train along with Sonic)

Rouge: Damn…that was messed up! (passes out)

-At Island of Sodor-

Sonic: Let's get inside the train! We can hide out from all of the annoyingness in there! (opens train door, heads inside)

Shadow: (approaches train door) I'm followi-(suddenly hears Sonic screaming, along with a familiar, terrifying voice singing "I love you! You love me!") NO! WE'RE TRAPPED ON ALL SIDES!

-Meanwhile-

Jill: Let's just get to torturing the future guy over here! (turns on electric razor) Time to get rid of that pot leaf design on your head…with everything else! (I never noticed that design until a reviewer on another Sonic: TOD fic pointed that out…wow, that is amazing!)

Silver: AHHHH! (gets shaved, shoved outside) I'm getting neutered also? Man, this Christmas sucks…

Jill: (gives grenade to Cream)

Cream: What do I need this for?

Jill:…You'll see.

Jack: Turn her into a giant, huh? (grabs magic beans) These feel familiar to every Jack out there…(gives them to Amy) These will…um...make a million Sonics appear! All at your service!

Amy: FOR MY BISHIE! (swallows beans, turns into a hungry giant and starts up feeding frenzy on everyone)

Jill: (running away from Amy with Jack) Jolly Green Giant, my ass!

Amy: (goes to Island of Sodor, accidentally crushes Thomas and Barney)

Sonic: WE'RE SAVED! (looks up and sees Amy) WE'RE DOOMED!

Amy: Fi, fie, fo, fum! I smell a BISHIE! (grabs Sonic)(BOOM)

-Later, after many revivals-

Jack: Ah…the most damning Christmas song of all! (shoves Metal Sonic into music room, plays Alvin & the Chipmunks song)

Metal Sonic: (pounds on door, then collapses)

Jill: Let's switch it already! I want to see him do the robot dance!

Janitor: (puts in new music) Damn kids…causing suffering by music…I cause suffering by pain!

Music: Domo aromigato, Mr. Roboto…

Metal Sonic: (springs up, does robot dance perfectly)

Jack: Wow…if they ever had a DDR for the robot dance, Metal Sonic would do perfectly!

Jill: That's impossible!

Jack: Maybe not…but it'll take all of the Author Powers, Chuck Norris, division by 0, Googling Google, and rips in the universe to cause it! (charges up and pulls off an epic maneuver resembling Dragonball Z transformations) YAHHHHH!

-After creating something that looks like the "Star Gate" Dave went through in 2001: A Space Odyssey-

Big: If you take out this derivative, the square is subtracted and the polynomial is in turn affected…I'M THINKING!

Jill: Wow…it's almost as miraculous as the Scarecrow developing a brain in the Wizard of Oz!

Jack: That was cool…(passes out)

Rouge: (wakes up) Now…you want to know how that train came out of me? (takes Big off stage)

Big: THIS CAN'T BE! IT'S A LIE!

Rouge: IT'S TRUE! That's how to make babies, what the meaning of life is, and why you suck!

Big: I couldn't have been that much of an idiot!

Jack: (wakes up) Actually, you were!

Big: This…can't…compute! (head explodes)

Jack: (sets everything back to normal) That was interesting…

 _Here's the second part of my Christmas dares! Enjoy the gifts!_  
 _Charmy: You get duct tape, which will promptly be placed over your mouth to prevent you from speaking this chapter!_  
 _Knuckles: You get a brain to replace your stupid one for this chapter. (The brain he is receiving is even more stupid than his current one)_  
 _Amy: You get an all expense paid trip to the South Pole, where you're going to stay until you freeze! You're going whether you want to or not._  
 _Shadow: You get this congratulatory letter from the NRA for owning so many guns! You also get this letter notifying you that all your illegal weapons (Which is pretty much all of them) have been confiscated!_  
 _Cream: You get a giant cake! (Don't tell her that the cake is filled with Tails and Cosmo fan girls)_  
 _Metal Sonic: You get this ceremonial dagger that you must use to kill yourself with._  
 _Froggy: You get to stay at a five star hotel. (Don't tell him, but Big is there also)_  
 _Silver: You get this rabid dog that has been trained to attack you._  
 _Espio: You get this Sherlock Holmes outfit, which you must wear for this chapter since you didn't like acting like him in chapter 28._  
 _Vector: You get these new headphones that you must use for the whole chapter. (They're set to play the kind of music he hates the most)_  
 _Omega: You get this tub full of water. Now go take a swim!_  
 _That's all for the Christmas dares. Merry Christmas suckers! (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Charmy: (with duct tape) Mmph!

Jack: I suddenly…feel so relieved!

Jill: Brain surgery? I know just the doctor for that! Dr. Frankenstein…FREDERICK Frankenstein! (Watch the movie Young Frankenstein…it's hilarious!)

Jack: (takes Knuckles to lab) Igor! We need Abby Normal's brain for him! (If you haven't seen the movie, it's a mispronunciation of Abnormal)

-Later, on stage-

Jack: How stupid are you now?

Knuckles: Uhhh…extended warranty? How can I lose? (Simpsons joke)

Sonic: Oh no! He's even stupider than Big…if that's possible!

Amy: Hooray! I get to see some cute penguins!

Jill:…Actually, they're not at the South Pole at this time of year!

Amy: NOOOOOOO!

-At South Pole-

Amy: HOORAY! It's snowing…a lot…with a lot of wind…and a cold temp…(freezes in blizzard)

Shadow: Move over, Charlton Heston…they're going to have to take it from my dead body now!(reads notice, then wails) MY BABIES! (fetal position)

Jack: Wow…it's easier to traumatize Shadow than I thought!

Cream: Hmm…this cake looks surprisingly hollow…

TailsCosmo fan girls: (burst out of cake, drag Cream off by her ears)

Metal Sonic: Time for suicide re-enactment. (does a dramatic pose, holds up knife)

Jack: STOP BEING A THEATER NERD AND JUST DO IT ALREADY! (throws random vegetables at Metal Sonic)

Metal Sonic: Fine, maybe I will. (stabs self) Oops…(dies)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Party time! Nothing can go wrong now!)(heads to hotel)

Big: Uhhh…(looks around) What do I do without my pal…FROGGY!

Froggy: (gets grabbed by Big) Ribbit! (Translation: Curses! I'll never get a break from this idiot! Unless…HELP! SOMEBODY! AHHH!)

-Back at stage-

Silver: (walks on stage)

Everyone: (looks between his legs, then starts laughing)

Silver: (shivers) You guys are so cruel…

Jill: Well, we rewarded you with a gift!

Silver: Cool! I wanted to play with a dog…Here, boy! (whistles)

Dog: Grrr….(tackles Silver, starts ripping him up)

Silver: Bad dog, very-AAAHHH! HE BIT ME IN THE AMPUTATED PART!

Jack: (grins) That cheers me up!

Espio: (puts on outfit) My popular ego isn't worth this…

Sonic: Oh, really?

Espio: YEAH! I'm more popular than you!

Sonic: (runs off crying)

Vector: (puts on headphones, then says a string of words that would get his tongue cut out in certain countries)

Omega: I do not want to comply. Unfortunately, I must. Damn you, Isaac Asimov. (jumps into water, causes same reaction as usual)

Jill: We've already done a lot…and we still have (bleep)load of Christmas reviews to do in this chapter alone!

Jack: Don't forget next chapter as well…and however long we'll be stuck with these Christmas reviews!

 _O christmas dares! MISTLETOE MOMENTS!_  
 _Sonic/Amy_  
 _Mephiles/Rouge_  
 _Jack/Rouge_  
 _Shadow/Blaze (screw you Shad-anything not Shadaze and Sonaze,Knucaze,and Silvaze!)_  
 _Thats all I can think of...BYE!_  
 _-Safarithecat_

Sonic: (sighs) Not again-AH! (gets dragged into heavy makeout session)

Jack: Oh my…YES! MY FIRST THREESOME MAKEOUT! WOOT!

Rouge: (shrugs) Eh. I'm used to those. (starts up threesome makeout)

Mephiles: Now my Christmas has started getting better…

Shadow: Wow…this fan girl's really dedicated to Shadaze! 9startws up makeout session with Blaze)

Jill: Man, we've done a (bleep)load of making out already…and why do I keep swearing?

 _i have two dares 1 4 sonic, 1 4 shadow_  
 _Sonic dress up as Santa Claus and sit in a throne_  
 _Shadow dress up in a smutty skintight girl satna costume and sit on Sonics knee while singing Santa Baby._  
 _-Yaoi Lover_

Yaoi fan girls: (cheering for Yaoi Lover)

Sonic: (puts on Santa outfit) What next?

Shadow: (jaw widens) NO. MOTHER(bleep)ING. WAY!

Jill: (pulls out shotgun) This has rock salt in it. If I shoot you in the balls with this, you will never feel anything near pleasure again for the rest of your life!

Shadow: (sighs) Why must the fan girls be so torturous? (puts on outfit, sits on Sonic's laps while keeping a constant eye on shotgun)

Jill: SING ALREADY!

Jack: Damn…you once again surprised me with how torturous you can be!

Shadow: (gulps, then starts singing) Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me. Been an awful good…

Yaoi fan girls: YES?!

Jill: SAY IT!

Shadow: Damn it. (sighs, then continues singing) girl. Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight…

-Later-

Sonic: I…am going to avoid Shadow from now on.

Shadow: Christmas is ruined for me!

Jack: But your embarrassment has just begun…

 _Hi. You don't know me but I used to be the Anynomous reviewer Yaoi Lover. I finally got an accout. But I have a dare._  
 _Tails: I want you to sing and Sonadow version of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" like this: I saw sonic kissing Shadow. No one may harm Tails in any way before during or after this dare. I'll be bacj when I think of more._  
 _-JPMJShadowlover_

Yaoi fan girls: (making a statue in honor of JMPJShadowlover)

Tails: Well, as long as it's making them look gay, and not me…(starts singing) I saw Sonic kissing Shadow, under the mistletoe last night…

Yaoi fan girls: (increase their admiration for Tails)

-Later-

Sonic: I never thought I could hate Tails as much as I do right now…

Shadow: I've ALWAYS hated him…

Jack: Just shut up so we can continue on!

 _Eggman must sing the jingle bombs song from comedy central When he is done singing it, sonic shoots him with a spartan laser, shadow shoots him with a rocket laucher, silver a sniper rife , knuckles shoots him with a assalt rife, Tails, Jack , and Jill you guys and girl shoot him with a lock on tank._  
 _P.S. Silver shoot eggman balls and also do not tell the shooting part of the dare to Eggman 101/10_  
 _-AgentKanyeWest_

Eggman: (gets aforementioned weapons pointed at him) Fine. I'll sing if it keeps me from getting shot…stupid Jeff Dunham…

Jack: NOW!

Eggman: (singing in Middle Eastern accent) Dashing through the sand, with a bomb strapped to my back…

-Later-

Jack: (rolls eyes) Imagine that…an evil plot by Eggman not working!

Eggman: (sobs)

Jill: Now we get to shoot you anyways!

Eggman: WHAT?! You-(BOOM)

Jack: MUAHAHA! The fatness is flying all over the place!

Silver: Well, at least I'm not the only one who lost his balls for Christmas!

 _Jack Your awsome so heres another gift just for x-mas_  
 _Sonic: when ever u swear i comes out as "Amy i wuv u. U can do wat ever u want 2 me_  
 _Amy: Do wat ever u want to sonic_  
 _Jill: Heres a mind control device have fun_  
 _Tails: Heres all the nukes in the world some chains a bomb shelter that cant break and can hold only 4 people (u Jack Jill and Cosmo hint hint)_  
 _And jack heres your gift Some chain every gun in the world and a romote to a bomb that will blow up the would a space shuttle A sex slave Rouge and a box that will give u wat ever u want Wait one more thing unlimited mind control devices_  
 _have fun_  
 _-Slayer the hedgehog_

Sonic: WHAT?! You're going to censor me in that way now? That's bullsh-Amy I wuv you. You can do what ever you want to me. (covers mouth with wide eyes)

Amy: (does a victory pounce on Sonic, drags him into closet)

Sonic: OH SH-Amy I wuv you. You can do what ever you want to me.

Amy: KEEP SAYING IT, SONIKKU!

Jill: (takes mind control device) Cool…now I can be just like a Jedi!

Jack: Who are you going to use it on?

Jill: (aims at Knuckles)

Knuckles: I want Jill really, really bad!

Tikal: Damn it…I'm going to think of a good plan!

Tails: (accepts nukes) NOW what should I hold hostage?…Aw screw it, I want to blow up things! AHAHAHAHA! (activates nukes, heads into shelter with Cosmo, Jack, and Jill)

-After yet another apocalyptic scenario caused by us-

Jack: (revives everyone) I've got enough guns and explosives right now…but the mind control devices sound cool! (takes them, then opens box of whatever he wants) I knew it…every popular future video game that will ever be created! Sweet…I've got a fourth Super Smash Bros game…Kingdom Hearts 3...Halo 4...(continues sorting through games)

Rouge: You don't actually want to turn me into your sex slave, do you?

Jack: Hmm…I'll let a coin flip decide! Heads=yes, tails=no! (flips a penny in the air, catches it in hand)

Rouge: What did it say? (is suddenly naked in chains) Oh.

Jack: But even though we've gone through 3 chapters of this, we still have PLENTY of Christmas/New Year's reviews to get through! AUGH!

Jill: Well, it is now a New Year…and we've got a lot of hilarity planned in the upcoming year!

Jack: And not just from this fic alone! (winking)

Jill: What are you talking about-OHHHHH! The secret project!

Jack: Yes. Spread the word around, everyone! I'm working on making another Sonic humor fic…though as to what it will be about, I won't tell you all just yet!

Jill: You see, we thought of something that we think the Sonic humor section of FanFiction needs…

What do you think it is? Go to my first ever poll and answer with your thoughts!


	47. Off topic Christmas reviews

Off topic Christmas reviews

I'm going at a fast pace right now…but won't after winter break ends! (sighs)

Jill: Longest. Christmas. Ever!

Jack: And Christmas is still continuing…

Shadow: How is one day taking this long?

Jack: Because we're in the realm of SEGA, meaning Physics was butchered to death a long time ago…

 _I WAS YOUR 500TH REVEIWER! *happy dance*_  
 _Amy: Go GOTH._  
 _Shadow: Be happy (notice the reference from my Zelda Truth or Dare story only with Emo Link and Link?)_  
 _OK bye bye. And did I make you happy being 500th reveiwer? Hope so!_  
 _Merry Christmas!_  
 _-JackieCullenandSenom299_

Amy: How do I learn to become that?

Everyone: (looks at Shadow)

Shadow: (rolls eyes) Fine.

Jill: And she has to teach you how to be happy!

Shadow:…Damn! (takes Amy offstage)

-Later-

Amy: (lights up cigarette, wears all black) You all are a bunch of (bleep)ing posers…  
Shadow: I'm sorry...she annoyed me too much for me to concentrate during the lessons in being happy!

Jack: Crap…we're just going to have to do this chemically then! (grabs lots of needles, injects Shadow with a (bleep)load of morphine)

Shadow: (smiles) Ahhhhhh….(somewhere far away, a puppy dies)(read the beginning of chapter 45)

Jack: You made us happy...but you also showed us how busy we were!

 _Jack,I demand you suffer!You marry Rouge,and by marry I also mean make her your sex you have to do to achieve this is to be cast in an iron maiden,flayed or at spend an hour in the hell you so deeply it or I will seriously torture you.A small reserve of your power will be used to bring you back to lifeAll other characters,you must be sent to your own personal hells!Jill isn't safe_  
 _Also Merry Christmas_  
 _-Jlate_

Jack: But she's already my sex slave!

Jill: Go through the iron maiden torture anyways!

Jack: (walks into iron maiden grumbling) This fic was meant for torturing the Sonic characters…OW! OW!

Jill: Hehe…I like poking! (continues using sharp rod)

-Later-

Everyone: (celebrating)

Tails: (snivels) I can't believe it…the author is finally dead! HOORAY!

Sonic: DEATH OF AN AUTHOR! WOOT!

Rouge: (gets rid of chains, puts clothes back on) It's…finally over!

Eggman: I have to admit, I never thought I would find someone more cruel than me…

Mephiles: I was more bad-ass than you!

Eggman: No way!

Mephiles: You wanna bring it? (starts up a beat down with Eggman)

Everyone: (circling around, cheering for Mephiles to kick Eggman's ass)

Mysterious voice: STOP!

Jill: Who was that?

Jack: (walks on stage grinning)

Knuckles: This can't be!

Jack: Oh yes…that reserve of power brought me back! Besides, I've caused too much suffering for all of you to die right now! Not just through this fic, but through all of the Sonic: Truth or Dare fics this has inspired, each with their own tortures for all of you! BWAHAHA!

Charmy: (starts putting away party gear) Oh no…what's going to happen now?

Jack: Time for the other dare…MEGA ULTRA SUPER AUTHOR POWERS! (sends everyone else to personal hells)

Jill: (looks around, finds everything normal except…) WHERE'S KNUCKIE?!

Fake Sonic: Who?

Jill: NOOOOOOO! (goes to corner, fetal position)

Amy: (still smoking) All of these demons and fire and pitchforks and so on…normally I would suffer immensely here, but my recent change has made this feel AWESOME to me!

Devil: (sighs) Damn it…

Shadow: (in PBS studios) Ahhhhh…

Devil: Crap! Normally, he'd be suffering from the Teletubbies, Barney, etc…but he's too drugged up to notice! RAWR!

-Back on stage-

Jack: Wow…looks like the devil's plans for their hells aren't going exactly as planned! (listens to others' screams) Oh, never mind…

Wave: NOOOOOO! Abercrombie & Fitch is CLOSED?!

Storm: OH NO! I'm stuck in da movie Da Gadfadda…and I'm one o' da tahgets! (BAM)

Jet: I'm on American Idol…with 3 Simon Cowell clones as the judges!

Tails: Not the Yaoi fan girl convention!

Sonic: Tails, you're stuck here too? But why-AAAHHHH!

Knuckles: Is that…Chuck Norris? (bleep)!

Eggman: AUGH! The Terminator's after me!

Charmy: Get those birds away from me!

-Later, after everyone experienced their hells-

Mephiles: (shuddering) So many…flowers…and kittens…and lollipops…

Jack: This fic is already enough of a personal hell for everyone else! Let's get rushing on…

 _Lol, im like the holiday dares guy. But there can be only one..._  
 _Jack: Heres my holy Glaive, go kill that hawk!_  
 _Rouge: Steal that outfit from Amy, i bet you can guess the dare._  
 _All robots: Scale mount everest! No type of jetpacks allowed!_  
 _Sonic: Jump in lake superior._  
 _Knuckles: Try to break the polar ice cap_  
 _Blaze: Same as Sonic, only at night! i figure it will be worse for you!_  
 _Eggman: Stand outside until you catch hypothermia and die, with everyone watching!_  
 _Tails: Heres a freeze ray, do what you must._  
 _Holiday dares are fun!_  
 _-Bolt the Wolf_

Jack: (takes holy glaive) I don't need to! This fic is already way ahead of that now! But I'll still use this in another way..(looks at Rouge)

Rouge: (shudders) This is not going to be a fun Christmas…but at least I get to steal something! (goes into wardrobe, grabs outfit and puts it on)

Jack: YAY! Lap dance time! And I'm sure she's had PLENTY of practice with it!  
Rouge: (starts up entertainment)

Jack: Santa's little helper, eh? Well, I've got a nice present you can help me with …yourself! (uses chloroform, takes her offstage for "wedding")

Omega: I know what to do. (lines up around mountain with other robots) Fire.

Robots: (blow up Mount Everest until it collapses down to small size)

Gamma: (stands on tiny mound) Success.

Jill: That's not what Bolt meant!

Metal Sonic: Too bad. Hooray for loopholes.

Jill: Now Sonic and Blaze have to do their swimming dare…

Sonic: We're taking a trip up north?

Knuckles: Not nearly as far north as I have to go…

-At North Pole-

Eggman: (on ground) Knuckles…help me!

Knuckles: (bleep) that! I've got work to do! (starts digging)

Eggman: Damn…you…(turns to Egg-sicle)

-At Lake Superior, during the night-

Sonic: I'm not going in unless it's skinny-dipping!

Blaze: NO WAY!

Jill: (randomly appears there) You have to do the dare!

Blaze:…(bleep) you all. (takes off clothes to cheers of fan boys, goes into lake with Sonic)

Sonic: WOO-HOO! This is awesom-(glub)

Blaze: (sinks into water with steam emitting everywhere) This can't end well…

-Later-

Cream: What's that loud noise?

Knuckles: (walks back on stage) I did it! I dug through and broke a portion of the icecap …though I think I created some very pissed off Eskimos along the way!

Tails: (takes ray) Too bad Eggman's already frozen…(shoots at Charmy) That's still good enough, though!

Jack: (walks onto stage) I did it! I got the Vegas wedding with an unconscious Rouge. And now…

 _IT'S CHRISTMAS! HERE ARE MY DARES!_  
 _Tails: closet with Rouge and both like it!_  
 _Rouge: make sure Tails gives you some jewells (Tails,here are some sapphires and rubies to give to Rouge!)_  
 _Knuckles: Throw yourself into the TailsxRouge fangirls!_  
 _(p.s MERRY CHRISTMAS 2008!)_  
 _-Matt the fox 987_

Tails: (picks up jewels) Where is she?

Jack: (hands Tails some keys) The cage is out back.

Tails: A cage? Oh…the sex slave stuff. (heads behind stage) NICE! (drags caged Rouge into a closet)(I don't know how a cage fit in the closet door, either!)

Rouge: Damn it…it only took that one kiss I used to distract him and now everyone thinks I love him!

Jill: Shut up and just follow the orders! (hypnotizes Rouge, closes closet door)  
TailsRouge fans: (cheering)

Jack: OH! I almost forgot! (grabs Knuckles, throws him to them)

Knuckles: NOOOO! I can't be replaced by that fox boy…

TailsRouge fan girls: (sacrifice him to "the fluffy")

Jack: Wow…we've been getting very brutal in this chapter…

 _Well now the Cristmas chapter is over, ON TO NEWYEARS!_  
 _Sonic: I dare you to dress up as baby newyears._  
 _Tails: I dare you to be the ball that drop's on newyears, only you have to use your tail's to stay in the air and slowly go down as the count down starts!_  
 _Amy: Sing the newyears song! (Don't know the real name.)_  
 _Shadow: Team up with my OC Scarlet the Fox and help her complite her mission by assassinating Elise at the end of the newyears count down. *A scarlet red mobian fox in a skin tight suit holding a sniper rifle appears next to Shadow* (Oh, and they can't just walk up to Elise kill her, it has to be covert)_  
 _Cream: Push Cosmo off a brige at the end of the newyears count down!_  
 _Omega: You have to start every sentence with Meatbag 'till the newyears count down ends._  
 _Here's to a geart year of truth and dare, and I wish you many more Jack and Jill._  
 _..._  
 _Jack and Jill... I finally get!_  
 _-Toko the Pikmin Master._

Jack: Actually, there's still plenty of more Christmas/New Year's stuff we have to do in our next chapter!

Sonic: (puts on top hat, sash, and diaper) This is almost as bad as my days in a fraternity…

Everyone: (laughing)

Tails: (heads out of closet) Fine…(starts flying)

Jill: Hmmm…the only traditional "New Year's song" we could find was some Scottish thing called Auld Lang Syne…

Amy: (singing) Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind…

Jack: (clenches ears) AH! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! Letting that girl sing…

Elise: (collapses)

Sonic: Whoa…did Amy's singing kill her?

Shadow: Nope, it was poison!

Tails: (still flying) How do you know?

Shadow: Just a guess…hehehe.

Omega: Meatbag, where is that reference from.

Jill: Futurama, of course! Yay…Omega=Bender!

Omega: Meatbag, he does not sound friendly.

Jack: (sighs) It would match more with Bender if Omega was saying it at the end of a sentence rather than the beginning…

Cosmo: 5...4...3...2...1-AH! (gets pushed off a high bridge by Cream)

Cream: I'm sorry…you won't live to see what the next year brings! AHAHAHAHA!

Tails: Phew…that took a while for flying! (collapses)

Jack: Screw it all, I'm going to see my concubine! (heads into closet where Rouge still is)

Jill: (rolls eyes) Why is every chapter around this time ending with you having sex with Rouge? GAH!

Don't forget about the poll…


	48. Concerning pirates

Concerning pirates

Wow…this fic is over 100000 words now…

Jack: Again, we are sorry! We thought the poll had been placed on our profile, but it had not! But now it is on there, so check it out! Thanks to IsaacGaretMia for pointing this out to us…

Jill: Wait…we still have more Christmas/NewYear's stuff? But we just did a New Year's review! It won't make sense to do Christmas reviews after a New Year's review!

Jack: That's why I'm doing this…AUTHOR POWERS! (flies around Earth until it spins back in time) Ha! If Superman could do it, I could!

Jill: Now we're back to Christmas…

 _How dare you ignore my dares!_  
 _Let's see what Santa has in store for Christmas_  
 _Jack-You've been extremly naughty,so he gets scalded by superacid and he can't make himself immune by 't worry,it should only be excruciating for half an hour_  
 _Cream gets a tub of ice cream!_  
 _Sonic gets the world's largest chilli dog_  
 _Tails gets Torando 4_  
 _Knuckles gets a Rouge plushie_  
 _Jill gets Knuckles_  
 _Silver gets a Silver The Hedgehog game_  
 _Blaze gets the Make Your Own Sushi Set_  
 _Since Eggman has helped to save the world this year,he gets a giant egg_  
 _Chaos gets to marry Cheese{Chao and Chaos are genderless}_  
 _Shadow gets an atomic bomb and a Maria doll_  
 _Omega gets to battle Eggman's robots_  
 _Rouge gets a jewel encrusted bra_  
 _Mephiles,Eggman Nega and Metal Sonic get scalded by lava for being naughty_  
 _Espio gets new shurikens_  
 _Vector gets new headhones_  
 _Charmy Bee gets to mate with the queen bee{don't tell him male bees die after this}_  
 _-Jlate_

Jill: We didn't ignore it! We were just extremely busy…

Jack: I'm always very naughty…(sighs, then grumbles) Stupid Santa…AH! AH!

Jill: I love this! (continues pouring acid on Jack)

Cream: SWEET! Now this Christmas is a party! (literally starts shoveling in ice cream)

Sonic: Yes! After eating this, I can probably finally win the Nathan's contest on Coney Island…(It's the most famous hot dog eating contest in the world)

Jill: Hmm…so the title for winning will get taken from one Japanese guy and put onto another! (I am talking, of course, about Takeru Kobayashi)

Jack: AH! (stops burning) But he lost this year…(sobs) Oh well, it was just barely…and he'll be back!

Tails: Tornado 4?! Damn…this gives me a happy Christmas!

Knuckles: (takes plushie) Ahhh…this is more like it!

Rouge: (glares at Knuckles) You perv!

Jill: (grabs Knuckles) I'll make sure you don't get ANY time alone with that doll! (drags Knuckles into closet)

Silver: (sniffles) M-my own game? THANK YOU!

Jack: What's it about? Antiquing?

Yaoi fan girls: (cheering)

Silver: (glares) NO! (plays game) Wow…I am kind of slow…(smashes controller) Damn it, me! I suck at dodging enemy attacks! (runs off crying)

Blaze: (sniffs kit, then devours it…without even bothering to make sushi! How ungrateful!) RAWR!

Jack: (backs away) I think she likes it…

Eggman: When have I helped to save the world?

Jack: If you're talking about Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood…I don't want to give this away to you, but-(SPOILER ALERT! CLOSE YOUR VIRGIN EYES!) in the ending, you find out that Eggman's actual plan was to take over the world while Sonic and his friends were in another dimension!

Sonic: I remember that! I still have to kick your ass for betraying us like that! (tackles Eggman, beats the crap out of him)

Jack: SPOILER OVER! We're still giving him the giant egg anyways…

Eggman: (takes egg) Is this one of those giant chocolate eggs from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory?

Jack:…No.

Eggman: Damn it!

Jill: (bursts out of closet with Knuckles) ANOTHER Christmas wedding? We're getting packed with them…

-Later-

Minister: And will you take this…thing…in marriage?

Chaos: RAWR!

Minister:…Ok, I don't know what he's saying.

Jack: (shrugs) Neither do we! But, since we're too lazy to study his language, we're just going to marry him anyways!

-After that awkward ceremony-

Shadow: (looks at doll) Maria! (fetal position)

Tails: (picks up nuke) Since he can't use it right now, I'll "carry" it for him! (runs off)

Omega: You have to be kidding me. (gets into shootout)

Metal Sonic: (pwns Omega)

Gamma: Aww…I wanted to kill him.

Rouge: (takes bra) Yay! I feel like a princess now!

Jill: It doesn't leave much to the imagination…but then again, none of her clothes do!

Rouge: (glares)

Mephiles: (jumps into lava) Ha! I'm used to fire!

Jill: But you're not with Iblis right now, huh?

Mephiles: Oh…(bleep)! (bleep)! (bleep)!(roasts to death)

Metal Sonic: But…I just got a kill in…(jumps into lava pit)

Nega: Come on! Trying to take over the universe isn't that naughty! (gets shoved in) AHHHH!

Espio: (takes shruikens) Sweet! More assassinations, coming right up!

Vector: CRAP! I already bought some new headphones for myself…and I lost the receipt!

Charmy: Well, that sucks! Anyways, I've got to go on my date…

Jack: (mutters) With Death.

Charmy: What was that?

Jill: Just go get yourself laid already! 

-Later-

Jack: (looks at Charmy's remains) Damn…the insect world is extremely cruel!

 _Safari: Just to let you know I am now called Safarithecat613 I just added numbers._  
 _Kinx: Review idiot, I doubt he cares._  
 _Safari: Fine oh, thanx 4 reviewing our story and using my dares! Ok more dares..._  
 _Shadow and Blaze: You should realize by now that you are my fave couple so Blaze dress up as a sexy mrs. claus and Shadow your Santa without the fatness and makeout in front of Rouge and Silver and the anti shadaze fans to see their reactions, dont worry there is a barrier around you both so NO ONE WILL HURT YOU! Blaze, you should be thanking me for hooking you up with such a sexy bishie._  
 _Sonic: You are unchained from amy and are now chained to BIG_  
 _MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _Silver: Jump into any group of fans that HATE silvaze, I wouldn't pick the Shadaze fans if I were you because, even though there is a few of us there is one reason you wont want to. Im in that section._  
 _Jack: You've read mine and Kinx's fic so you know how much I hate Silvaze so to make things fun make the shadaze fan section the only section available for him to jump in._  
 _Jill: Same as Blaze and Shadow except its you and knuckles. YOUR WELCOME!_  
 _Safari and Kinx: Bye bye! Merry christmas! -waves-_  
 _-Safarithecat613_

Shadow: I have to dress up…as THAT?!

Sonic: (laughing) A jolly Shadow! How great!

Shadow: Grrr…(puts on outfit, sees Blaze in her outfit) That's not so bad!

Blaze: Well, I guess she wants us to makeout…(starts making out with Shadow)

Anti Shadaze Fans: (charge, run into invisible wall)

Silver: NOOOOO!

Rouge: (shrugs) Meh. There's plenty of guys out there for me!

Sonic: (gets attached by a chain to Big) Well, that's just great. Just (bleep)ing great.

Big: Uhhh…I like frogs! And fishing! YAY!

Sonic: (rolls eyes) This is going to be a long chapter…

Silver: Okay, I'll do that! (looks around to see only Shadaze fans)(sobs) I WANT MY MOMMY!

Jill: That's it! Your annoyingness is getting to me! (shoves Silver into fans)

"Random" fan girl: DIE! BLAZE AND SHADOW FOREVER! (drags Silver off to a torture worse than death…a fanfic!)

Jill: Take that, Silver! That's for ripping off the Terminator!

Jack: Holy (bleep), you're right! Going back into the past to kill someone…even the time portals look the same!

Knuckles: (puts on Santa outfit) This red doesn't go well with my red.

Jack: That doesn't even make any sense!

Jill: Sweet! (puts on outfit) The Mrs is going to give you a night to remember…(starts making out with Knuckles in same walled area)

 _here more christmas dares_  
 _everyone: stand under the missel toe with a person you don't like at all._  
 _-tigersbro_

Janitor: (puts up mistletoe again) Damn kids…I'm going to have to stand next to each and every one of them…(continues grumbling)

Everyone: (crowds around Eggman)

Eggman: I know, this is because I ate all of the Halloween candy…and Thanksgiving dinner…and our Christmas treats…(grumbles) You're all so mean.

Jill: I can't believe it! One more Christmas review…

 _I GOT SOME CHRISTMAS TORTURE!_  
 _Sonic: Confess your love to Amy and let her do whatever she wants to you._  
 _Amy: After your fun, you must feel pain. A LOT of pain._  
 _Rouge: Make out with Knuckles._  
 _Jill: Get that knife and skewer Rouge with it!_  
 _Cream: Cut off your ears and take off your dress. sell them on Ebay._  
 _Cosmo: Cut off that petal skirt and throw it to the Cosmo fans._  
 _Shadow: Sing the Emo song. Then hear every 4-5 yr old childrens music songs. YOU CANNOT DIE DURING THIS. After that, THEN you can die._  
 _Tails: LOOK AT CREAM AND COSMOS NAKEDNESS! (make sure Sonic has a Shadow Sniper pointed at his...you-know-what._  
 _All for now~_  
 _-DragonlordPwnsAll_

Sonic: Crap…not again! (rolls eyes) Amy, I love you.

Amy: ANOTHER VICTORY FOR AMY ROSE! (grabs Sonic with fan girl grip of DOOM, takes him into closet)

Big: Uhhh…what are you two doing?

Amy: We're about to-

Sonic: NO, AMY, DON'T! We mustn't let him breed!

Amy: Oh, phew! That was a close one! You're right! (points to Big) Now, LOOK AWAY!

Big: (turns around) Uhhh…okay.

Jill: That was a funny Yu-Gi-Oh: Abridged moment!

Rouge: I've got something funnier than that! (makes out with Knuckles)

Jill: (grabs Australian knife, makes that kleptomaniac bat suffer)

Rouge: AHHH! That knife is HUGE!

Jack: Yay! Killer instincts in action!

Jill: Now let's start up the Emo song!

Shadow: (reads lyrics) What the (bleep)?! I have to say that I wear my sister's jeans? And I have to say I makeout with guys?! Grrr…(starts singing) I'm an emo kid, nonconforming as can be…

-Later-

Shadow: You're my best friend…I feel like tacos. (ends song)

Everyone: (laughing)

Shadow: (sighs) Now I have to go actually slit my throat…

Jill: Nope! You have to listen to children's songs first! (puts glued iPod into his ears again…this time set to kid songs)

Shadow: (immediately gets a seizure, rolls around on floor) Too many…high notes…

Cream: (takes scissors) This is butchery…(gets rid of ears, then sobs as she sells her ears and dress on eBay)

Cosmo: You've got to be kidding me!

Jack: Nope, you have to take your clothes off as well as Cream!

Cosmo: (rolls eyes) When did this place become a strip club? (takes off dress throws it to fans)

Cosmo fans: (treasure each string of dress)

Tails: (drooling at mouth while looking at Cream and Cosmo)

Sonic: (heads out of closet with Amy) Oh yeah, that's right! (grabs Shadow Sniper, shoots immediately)

Tails: (collapses) AHHHH! This is going to hurt my pimping career…

Jill: That's still not near the pain Amy is going to experience…(throws Amy into a tank of jellyfish)

Amy: YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Jill: All of that poison…

Jack: Let's MOVE IT! (grabs two Chaos Emeralds, hits them together to create time portal) We've got one more New Year's review left! (sends everyone through time portal)

-A few days later-

Sonic: Hey, where's Jack?

Jack: (teleports in wearing a toga and drenched in beer) Sorry, everyone. I "accidentally" went further in time to my senior year in college. GO 2014!

 _le gasp! You've seen Young Frankenstein?! OMG! I luv that movie!_  
 _Bella: Shut up and start the actual review!_  
 _Me; Okay, okay. Here are some questions (for once):_  
 _Egghead: Why are you like the only major-roled human? You're not even all that awesome!_  
 _Rouge: Why do you like stealing jewelry?_  
 _Blaze and Big: Is it true that you two used to belong to Catwoman before Joker accidentally poured some weird chemical crap on you?_  
 _Charmy: How do you warp from flower to flower?_  
 _Vanilla: Is Egghead really Cream's illegitamate father?_  
 _Vector: Are you smarter than a 5th grader?_  
 _Tails: Whose smarter; Sonic, Amy or Knuckles?_  
 _Cosmo: Is it true that you're Poison Ivy and Bushroot's illegitimate daughter that Ivy gave up in order to be with Jack O'Lantern?_  
 _Froggy: Why do you hate Big?_  
 _Jet: Why are you the only Rogue not named after something in nature?_  
 _Wave and Storm: Are you two brother and sister? (Sorry, that's my bro's question.)_  
 _Espio: Is it true that you had a girlfriend once but she gave you up for Randall Boggs from Monsters Inc?_  
 _And now for the dares:_  
 _Big: Become the Dragon Warrior and go to the Jade Palace. (And have Master Shifu kick his butt all the way back to... Wherever you guys are now.)_  
 _Espio: remember that werewolf thing from Halloween? Well, now you gotta become that werewolf and relive the "American Werewolf in London" killings. Yay! Oh yeah, and go maul a tank just for good measure._  
 _Amy: I'm feeling kinda mad at you for some reason, so you gotta commit suicide by jumping into a volcano. But think of it as you're doing it for Sonic's sake._  
 _Chaos: Eat Charmy._  
 _Eggman: (shoves Barney the Dinosaur suit at him) Put that on!_  
 _Everyone else: Look it's Barney, the ultimate sinner! Kill him! Kill him NOW!_  
 _Shadow and Sonic: Go to Davy Jones's Locker and save Captain Jack's sorry butt._  
 _: Look! Jill has a Chaos Emerald in the closet! Go get it!_  
 _Tails and Cream: Fly to Neverland and fight Captain Hook! Yay!_  
 _Vector and Vanilla: If Cream gets hurt, even if it's just a little harmless scratch, you gotta go kick his butt!_  
 _Shadow: Go to Halloweentown and become mayor. (Hey, he'd do a way better job than the guy in the movie IMO)_  
 _Mephiles: ... Your butt fell off again._  
 _Bella: Could've done without that last one, but still..._  
 _Whirl: Aw, no lesbians? Man, that's not cool._  
 _Bella: (slowly moves away from Whirlwind)_  
 _Me: Well that's all from me, and (though it may be too late for this when it finally gets done, but) Happy New Year!_  
 _-Cartoonatic55_

Jill: Most of our big reviews are half that size!

Jack: Yes, I love that movie too.

Eggman: I guess because none of the humans in our games have the superpowers that everyone else here does. And I'm only there because of my intellect!

Jack: (coughs) Or lack of.

Eggman: (glares)

Rouge: Because they're beautiful! And they make me more beautiful!

Jack: To put it more simply, she's a kleptomaniac! (addiction to stealing things)

Rouge: (glares)

Blaze: NO! I'm from the future…or a parallel world…but he might be! (points to Big)

Big: Uhhh…what was the question?

Jill: (sighs) He's too stupid to remember his early life!

Jack: I wouldn't be too surprised if he was…that would help explain the stupidity!

Charmy: (revived) The flower eats me up and takes me through its roots. Then I dig to another flower's roots and fly up through them!

Jill: Wow…that sounds unnecessarily complicated…not to mention Physics-defying!

Vanilla: HELL NO! (shudders) That's too sickening to think about…

Cream: Who is my daddy?

Vanilla: You'll never get it out of me!…Mostly because I don't remember.

Jill: (coughs) Slut!

Jack: (coughs) Milf!

Cream and Vanilla: (glare at both)

Vector: Oh boy…looks like I have to go see Jeff Foxworthy now! (heads off to game show and finds out he's not)

Tails: Well…definitely not Knuckles…

Knuckles: (sighs with depression)

Tails: I'd have to go Sonic!

Sonic: Yay!

Tails: But just barely.

Sonic: Awww…

Cosmo: NO! I'm an alien plant, remember? Meaning as in, not from Earth?

Jack: I don't know…it sounds like it could be plausible…

Cosmo: Are you kidding me?

Jill: Well, think about it…maybe you're not in this universe, but in the Marvel/DC universe you could be! After all, Stephen Colbert almost won the presidency there! (This is true! Look at the background "newspaper headlines" in November's Marvel comics!)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Why wouldn't I hate Big? He's fat, stupid, smelly…)

-A few hours later-

Jack: (points to Froggy) Silence! We get the point!

Jet: Not fully true! There's natural jet streams!

Jill: Hmm…so SEGA decided to name their birds after weather conditions…interesting!

Wave: What? Oh, my gosh, like, totally no!

Storm: Yeah, whaddya thinking? Jus' coz we's birds don't mean we's related!

Jill: Holy crap…Randall does look like you!

Espio: (sighs) I knew this would come out sooner or later…yes. (heads off to drink)

-At Jade Palace-

Big: (climbing up stairs gasping) Uhhh…who makes these stairways so long?

Shifu: Insolent fool! You're supposed to save the world and you can't climb some stairs?

Big: Uhhh…I can fish!

Shifu: (sighs) I hate you.

Big: (falls down steps, lands on Shifu) Whoops.

-Back on stage-

Big: (creates a crater at landing spot) He didn't like me…

-In London-

Espio: (gets cornered in a street as a werewolf after destroying a tank) AWOO!

Police: Hooray! We found him! Let's kill him! (shoot him down)

Alex: NO!

Espio: AAAAAHHHH!

-Back on stage-

Jill: That was a very abridged version…but then again, we're close on time here!

Jack: (reads dare) Pfft! Like you need a reason to be mad at Amy!

Amy: (glares)

Jill: Sonic wants you to kill yourself.

Amy: Really? I…FOR SONIKKU! (jumps into volcano, kills self)

Charmy: What do I have to do now?

Jack: Just stand on that target on the floor right there…good! (throws Chaos Emeralds at Charmy)

Chaos: RAWR! (swallows Charmy)

Eggman: (rolls eyes) Whatever…(puts suit on)

Shadow: AAAHHHH! (runs off screaming at seeing "Barney" next to him)

Sonic: (draws out kitana) That's it! I've had it with these preschool children's show characters going after us! TIME FOR VENGEANCE!

Barney: NO! Wait, I-AAAHHH! (everyone gets a shot at killing him)

Sonic: (spits on body) And don't you come back!

Jill: (takes off Barney's head) You were wrong! It was Eggman!

Sonic: (shrugs) Meh. Still just as good to kill!

Jack: Well, go and save that pirate!

Sonic: (sighs) I'll have to find Shadow first, though…(heads off)

Knuckles: Really? Well, I guess I could use that…(heads into closet, only to get shut in by Jill) AHHHH! Those (bleep)ing fan girls!

Jill: TODAY'S FUN! RIGHT, KNUCKIE?!

Knuckles: Maybe if you let go of me-AH!

Jack: While Sonic and Shadow have to find a pirate, Tails and Cream have to kill one!

Cream: Well, let's get flying! (heads off with Tails to flying ship)

-At World's End-

Sonic: (kicks a crab) Stupid crab things…AAAAAHHH! (gets trampled by army of crabs)

Shadow: (rolls eyes) And who the hell are you?

Pirate: Jack Sparrow, mate! Do you have any rum? PLEASE tell me you have rum!

Shadow: Sorry. I just have to take you out of this annoying place…I'd go insane if I had to stay here too!

-Meanwhile-

Tails: We're here to kill you!

Hook: (laughing) This is too easy…

Cream: (charges at Hook, but trips on ground) Ow…I got a sliver!

Vector and Vanilla: (jump on board, go crazy on Captain Hook)

Hook: AAAHHH! That crocodile…he brings back bad memories…(fetal position)

Vanilla: (rolls eyes) This is too easy. (kills Hook)

-Back on stage-

Shadow: (rolls eyes) I have to be a two-face? I just want one face…my emo face! (heads to Halloweentown)

Jack: By the way, IMO means "in my opinion".

Mephiles: OH! (grabs butt before it falls) This doesn't feel good…

-Meanwhile-

Shadow: Hello, people of Halloweentown! There is just one policy I want to initiate as your new, totally emo mayor…LET'S PARTY THE (bleep) OUT OF THIS PLACE!

Jill:…I guess that's better management than the original mayor!

Jack: The good news is…Christmas is finished! And New Year's!

NOW that the poll is ACTUALLY up, vote on it!


	49. What can a sugar load do?

What can a sugar load do?

I think you'll find this funny…

Jack: Let's start off with a torture we thought up while watching Animal Planet…(sends Marine to a coral reef on a boat back in 2006)

Marine: Crikey! What's goin' on hea? Who's that bugga-OH NO! STEVE IRWIN! NOOOOOOO! (fetal position)

Jill: You forced her to watch his death…amazing!

Jack: That's what she deserves, that crappy Aussie stereotype!

Jill: What about the other thing?

Jack: Oh yeah! Since we mentioned last chapter how Silver rips off the Terminator… (shoves a voice box down Silver's throat)

Silver: Vat eez dis?! AH! Mah vo-eece!

Jill: HA! For this whole chapter, you have to speak in an Arnold Schwarznegger accent!

Silver: Dahm you…

Jack: Now let's get started! We're heading all the way back to reviews for chapters 22 & 23...

 _OK, I hope I can get in this time._  
 _Tails, you're my favorite, You will be treated like a king for the rest of the chapter, and you get to jump in the closet with Rouge, Amy and Cream, and kill Cosmo... But no tears! Jack, hypnotize him so he wants to kill her!_  
 _Jack and Jill: Run up a hill to fetch a pail of water, then Jack fall down, break your crown, and Jill, go tumbling after him, while everyone watches, points, and laughs._  
 _Jill: Jump in the closet with Knuckles, and then cut off his... *whisper whisper* and kill him, and he can't be revived for the rest of the chapter._  
 _Shadow, try to teach Big the alphabet. Every time he gets a letter wrong, Charmy will sting you either in the nose, or where... The sun don't shine._  
 _Cosmo: Commit suicide after admitting that Cream is superior to you and telling Tails that you're a hooker. Goodbye, you're not coming back for the rest of the chapter._  
 _Shadow, have Maria come back and then die in front of you, courtesy of Sonic._  
 _Metal Sonic: Compute Pi._  
 _Mecha Knuckles: You will be the dummy for Knuckles for the other reviews. At the end of the chapter, you will compute the sentence, "this sentence is false."_  
 _Tails: You are excused from any sexual dares having to do with Cosmo, as Eggman will take all of her dares for the rest of the chapter._  
 _And lastly, Shadow and Silver, do it in the love closet in front of a camera broadcasting specially to the yaoi fangirl section of the audience, then be thrown to them! Muahahaha!_  
 _Jack: No more Author Powers for the rest of the chapter. Only Jill can use them._  
 _-Aretsukusu_

Jill: We finally got it in! As you can tell, we're very busy!

Tails: YES! And I get my own courtesans, too…(heads into the closet with those ladies)

Amy: (sighs) If I was Sonic's sex slave, I would be happier…

Cosmo: You're not going in there without me!

Tails: (hypnotized) Yes I am. (pulls out flamethrower, gets rid of Cosmo)

Jack: What's our dare? I'm excited!

Jill:…We have to fetch a pail of water.

Jack: WHAT?! Come on! (heads up hill with bucket)

-After a very violent nursery rhyme-

Jack: (rubbing head) Owww…

Jill: That gave us a lot of bruises!

Tails: (heads out of closet) THE KING IS HERE!

Jill: Good, now I need to use that! (drags in Knuckles)

Knuckles: (rolls eyes) Will you fan girls ever stop your addictions? Seriously, this sex is getting tiring!

Jill: Oh, this is going to be different…(closes closet door)

Shadow: (sighs) Great…Now I'm getting stung by bees! Alright, let's start with A…

Big: Uhhh…C?

Shadow: OW! No!

Charmy: This is fun! Especially when I'm stinging him in the…not-the-nose!

Shadow: What comes after A?

Big: Uhhh…N? G? 2? Eleventeen?…(with each wrong answer, Shadow keeps getting stung)

Knuckles: AAAAAHHH! (gets his body dragged out by Jill)

Sonic: Whoa! Where's his…(throws up)

Jill: Hehe…

Janitor: Stupid kids…with their brutal murders and iPods of Doom and fan girl rapes and…(continues ranting in clean-up)

Cosmo: (revived) I have to say WHAT?!

Jack: (laughing) That's hilarious…(pulls out gun) I want to see this happen!

Cosmo: (sighs) Tails…Cream is now superior to me and…I'm now a hooker!

Tails: SWEET! Another courtesan! (starts dragging Cosmo into closet)

Jill: Whoa…I don't anyone was expecting that!

Jack: Wait…we can't do that due to his other dare! STOP THIS HORNINESS!

Cosmo: Damn! (shoots self with flamethrower)(Yeah, it looks as weird as it sounds)

Shadow: (sees Maria) Oh my gosh…

Maria: Shadow, I-(BOOM)

Sonic: I love my shooting skills!

Shadow: You (bleep)ing bastard! She was about to tell me something important! That's a jerk move to do in any story!

Sonic: So I'm a jerk, huh? Well, at least I don't have two daddies!

Shadow: Leave me alone! (runs off crying)

Jill: Wow…that was a lot of OOCing, even for us! We have to cut down on the sugar…

Metal Sonic: 3.14159-

Jack: Aw crap! How many digits are in Pi?

Jill: They've gone into billions and still haven't found the end!

Metal Sonic:-263057298567239...(as you can tell, I'm completely making it up now!)

Mecha Knuckles: Will comply.

Silver: No vey!

Yaoi fan girls: (charge onto stage, take Shadow and Silver into closet)

Silver: AH! Ze brutahlee-tay!

Yaoi fan girls watching footage: (whooping immensely…at least, until they start fighting with the Sonadow fan girls!)

Jack: But…that helps me to do the awesome stuff!

Jill: I'm going to be the awesome one now!

 _hello i'm back and i just got a load of sugar_  
 _Sonic: do what every amy wants you to do this chapter_  
 _shadow: watch barnie, sesame street, and telltubies_  
 _Amy: You can't have Sex for the intire chapter (this includes kissing)_  
 _Knuckles: admit your love for Jill before and after her Dare_  
 _Jill: go into the closet with who every_  
 _Charmy: turn emo until someone says other wise_  
 _Choas: (give talking machine) tell what u think of all the charaters and adment if you are a boy or a girl_  
 _Espio: say someing Cool and do what ever you want to do this ch_  
 _Eggman: be Jacks slave_  
 _-XxSpiritWolfxX_

Jack: We've had a load of sugar too! Yay!

Sonic: (rolls eyes) I keep having to do this…(gets pulled by nose into closet) OW! OW! Not so hard, Amy!

Amy: Quiet, bishie! (kicks out Shadow and Silver)

Shadow: Ugh…having to listen to that Austrian screaming…(shudders)

Silver: (bleep) you!

Jack: Should we still bleep that out? With his accent it sounds different!

Jill: (shrugs) Meh.

Amy: Let's prove our love again, Sonic!

Jack: Nope, it says you can't have sex…or even kissing!

Amy: NOOOOO!…Well, then I'll just have Sonic tie himself up until after the chapter!

Sonic: (gulps) You fan girls always find a way…

Shadow: (turns on TV) Now where's some porn-AHHH! THOSE MONSTERS!

Jack: Yes…the Teletubbies! And you have to watch!

Shadow: (tied to a chair by Jill) SOMEBODY PLEASE POKE MY EYES OUT!

Mecha Knuckles: Jill, I love you.

Jill: Hmmm…he may look like my bishie, but I'm not doing a robot! Therefore…I'll just go from one rugged adventurer to another! Heeeeere, ninja boy!

Espio: What now? AH! (gets taken into closet by fan girl grip of doom)

Metal Sonic: 8907237423906...

Charmy: (acts like Amy in the previous chapter) Those preppy fools…with their constant sex!

Jill: (heads out of closet) When I close my eyes, I could totally imagine Knuckie!

Jack: OUCH! Espio just got dissed!

Espio: (sighs)

Mecha Knuckles: Jill, I love you.

Jill: SHUT…UP! (starts beating the crap out of Mecha Knuckles)

Chaos: (takes machine) I think you all should stop being so mean to the Chao! Seriously, everyone, what's up with that?

Jack: Oh, YOU SUCK! (starts beating the crap out of Chaos)

Chaos: OW! And last that I remember, I don't have a gender! I'm made out of (bleep)ing water, not carbon! OW!

Tikal: Stop being so mean to him!

Jack: (backs off) Fine.

Jill: (still pounding Mecha Knuckles' head against a wall)

Jack: Wow…you might have a worse temper than me!

Espio: Well, I might as well say something cool. Ahem! I'm here to kick ass and play with nunchucks…and I'm all out of nunchucks!

Jack: Dude…you sound like Napoleon Dynamite by saying that!

Espio: Shut up! (walks off stage)

Jill: (stops destroying the robot parts) Well, I guess that showed Mecha Knuckles!

Jack: HAHAHA! Eggman…my slave! FETCH ME SOME (bleep)ING POCKY, lard-ass!

Eggman: So this is what it feels like for my robots…wow, I've got to see my psychiatrist…and turn one of his robots into my slave! (Kind of from a Simpsons line)

Jack: Shut up and get me more sugar! And tacos!

Eggman: Yes, master…

Jack: Hehehe…tacos rule! Okay…I've got to stop stealing from Robot Chicken!

 _SONIC, BLAZE AND AMY: STRAP AMY TO A CHAIR (SHE CANT GET LOOSE) AND HAVE BLAZE BURN HER AND SONIC BEAT HER OR WHAT EVEY HE WANTS TO DO TO HER TO GET VEVENGE FOR THE TIMES SHE CHASED HIM AROUND._  
 _KNUCKLES AND SHADOW: HAVE KNUCKLES DRAW A SPASTICATED PICTURE OF MARIA AND SHOW IT TO SHADOW._  
 _ROUGE: HAVE HER GET CHUCKED IN A PILE OF SEX CRAZED FAN BOYS._  
 _-CAKE!_

Amy: (gets tied into chair) YAY! Do I get raped by my bishie?

Jack: (twitches) Wow…you are disturbing!

Blaze: I'm going to make you look like the Wicked Witch of the West...post-water! (light Amy on fire)

Amy: AAAH! SAVE ME, SONIKKU!

Sonic: Hmm…

Jack: NO! Torture her!

Sonic: Well, she did act very creepy towards me in those chases…and she's tied up, so… I'M GETTING AS FAR AWAY FROM HER AS POSSIBLE! AHAHAHAHA! (runs off)

Jack: Damn…since Knuckles is dead for the chapter, and we just destroyed Mecha Knuckles, we don't know what to do! Wait a minute…slave, rebuild him!

Eggman: (grumbles) Yes…

Jill: Oh, and Rouge? You're about to get some action!

Rouge: Really? Well, I guess I could use some…AH! (gets shoved into fan boy crowd)

Fan boys: (Really? You have to read this? Let's think here…Horny Guys +Hot Chick=?)

-Later-

Mecha Knuckles: (draws picture)

Shadow: Wow, you suck at drawing…

Jack: Won't you kick his ass?

Shadow: (shrugs) Meh. Jill did all the work for me!

 _Put Tails in a cheerleader's uniform and make out with Charmy._  
 _-Anon._

Tails: (bleep)! I thought the craze of cross-dressing me was over!

Jack: Nope.

Tails: But kings shouldn't cross-dress!

Jill: We'll see about that! AUTHORESS POWERS!

Tails: (hypnotized in uniform) Must…makeout with annoyances! (starts making out with Charmy)

Charmy: WHOA! (shudders) I never thought yaoi would reach me! (avoids Tails)

Jack: Your suffering isn't over yet, annoyance!

 _Make Charmy be Cream's dress up doll._  
 _-noone_

Cream: Yay! First, I want you to stop being emo!

Charmy: (throws away cigarette) Damn it…

Cream: (brings out dresses) Perfect!

-Later-

Charmy: (in dress) I feel like a Barbie doll…

Everyone: (laughing)

 _Put Tails in a japanese schoolgirl outfit and let all the guys do him._  
 _-Nobody_

Jack: Wow…we've quickly gone from lots of (bleep)-blocking in the beginning to raping by the ending!

Tails: NO! I could tolerate the forced makeout, but not this!

Jill: We're doing what they say! AUTHORESS POWERS!

Tails: (in new outfit)

Shadow: Ummm…I'm not raping him!

Vector: Nor am I!

Silver: Yah! I-ee ahgree weeth them!

Jill: Alright! That means more hypnotizing! (starts it up)

Tails: (gets grabbed by guys, taken into closet) DAMN YOU, JILL! AHHHHHHH!

Jack: Wow…the king has become a queen!

Jill: But he's not the only guy getting raped! (grins)

Jack: (gulps) You don't mean…oh no!

Jill: Yes! AUTHORESS POWERS!

Jack: (naked and chained in the middle of a road) Great…who's raping me now?

Fan girls: (storm onto road) OMG! It's him!

Jack: AHHHHHHHH!

-Later, back on stage-

Jack: (shudders) I can see Sonic's point of view now…

The poll will probably be closed next week…so send in your votes by the end of this week!


	50. Another ad! And an epic chapter!

Another ad! And an epic chapter!

I don't know what to say…time for another ad!

Jack: (in narrator's voice) He was brought back to be the ultimate life form, who could do anything better than anyone else. But there's one thing he's never done…

Shadow: (sitting around a table with friends) What do you mean?

Sonic: Haven't you had sex?

Shadow:…No.

Sonic: You're a virgin? Are you kidding me? You're 50! How can you not have done it?

Shadow: I was stuck in suspended animation until recently!

Sonic: (mutters) Yeah right. You probably just couldn't get it up!

Shadow: THAT'S IT! (tackles Sonic, starts beating crap out of him)

Sonic: OW! OW! Hey…he's going off-script! OW!

Narrator: (changes scene) As he seeks out on his quest to do something dirty, he encounters problems.

Shadow: I'm Shadow.

Rouge: And I'm Slutty McSlutslut-HEY! WHO PUT THIS IN MY LINES?!

Jill's voice in background: Take that, bitch!

Rouge: You're going to pay now! (charges, knocks over camera)(fight sounds are heard in background)

Narrator: (changes scene) Including behind-the-scenes footage!

Everyone: (in bruises and casts)

Jack: Wow…all of you are so violent!

Sonic: Look who's talking!

Jack: What? I'm not that violent…

Blaze: How many times have you threatened us at shotgun point now?

Jack:…Shut up, Blaze.

Narrator: (changes scene) So coming to theaters near you…The 50-Year Old Virgin!

-After trailer-

Everyone: (laughing)

Shadow: So…(bleep)ing…pissed off!

Jack: I had to do a tribute to that movie. I thought it applied well to Shadow's situation in Sonic Adventure 2!

Shadow: (rolls eyes) Great. Now I'm totally embarrassed, and Steve Carell is probably going to kill me for being more popular of a star than him!

Jill: Well, we've had our bit of fun today. Let's get to the reviewers' fun!

 _Teleport tails and shadow into leading the spartans and tails leading persia. no wepons can be brought from the future. tails cant use the goat pass to get around shadow and winner gets author powers for the next 2 chaptors._  
 _I will be back..._  
 _-Echo-the-Hedgehog_

Shadow: (clinks together Chaos Emeralds) More time-traveling…I've probably traveled through time more than that kid from Back to the Future!

-In Ancient Greece-

Shadow: SPARTANS! TIME FOR MORE-Ah, screw it! Just do whatever…I'm getting myself some ancient action! (heads off to find women)

Tails: Yes! Winner by default…and Shadow's rampant horniness!

-Back in present-

Shadow: (turns everyone emo) I'm the author!

Tails: (turns everyone into machines) No, I'm the author!

Shadow: Oh yeah? (starts up epic Author Powers battle with Tails) I shall sic yaoi fan girls on you!

Tails: And I shall sic every PBS character on you!

Both: AAAHHH!

Jill: (turns everyone back to normal) Ignoring that destruction…

 _I dare tails to shrink sonic and put him in a paper air plane and throw him over the fangirls heads while shadow shoots him down into the fangirls_  
 _\- commandertorture_

Tails: (runs from yaoi fan girls) AUTHOIR POWERS!

Sonic: (sighs) Not me again…(gets shrunk down)

Tails: (puts Sonic in paper plane, then sends him flying) MUAHAHA! The biggest ego of this series gets to suffer!

Shadow: (escapes PBS characters, then shoots down Sonic) This is something that fox boy and I can agree on!

Sonic: AAAAAAAHHHH! (faces crushing at merciless hands of fan girls)

Jack: (wipes hands) So far, so easy…

 _This is gold, baby. Don't forget the other reviews on the other page._  
 _Give Charmy a bazooka so he can go crazy with it and shoot whatever he wants! (Do NOT make him shoot himself on accident or purpose!)_  
 _Transport Cream, Amy, Big, Vector, Espio, Rouge, and Tails to antartica, and have them try to survive a harsh blizzard there._  
 _Make Blaze go into a pit full of poisonous snakes._  
 _Have everybody throw a chair at Sonic, and Sonic can not dodge or block the chairs what so ever._  
 _Have somebody drop a piano on Knuckles. He also can not avoid it!_  
 _-Fic-freak_

Jack: AWWWW! He can't shoot himself? Damn it…that would've been perfect! (hands bazooka to Charmy)

Charmy: I feel like Iron Man now! Rockets away! (fires at anything that moves)

Jack: AAH! Let's get the popsicles-I mean, other Sonic characters going already! (sends aforementioned characters in dare to Antarctica)

Cream: Are we safer here?

Big: Uhhh...yay! (I don't know why he's saying that, either!)

Amy: No Sonikku? WE'RE DOOMED!

Tails: I have Author Powers! I can just make Antarctica into the next Jamaica! AUTHOR POWERS! (turns Antarctica into a tropical paradise)

-Back on stage-

Jack: Aw come on! Those bastards got off easy…but Blaze won't! (throws her into snake pit)

Blaze: HISS! The epic battle between cat and snake begins-AH!

Jill:…And ends.

Sonic: (revived) Why do these reviewers hate me-OW! (gets hit by chairs) And why are all of you such jerks to me-OW! (gets hit by more chairs)

Knuckles: (suddenly crushed by piano)

Jill: (fan girl sob) NOOOOOOO! Who did this?

Janitor: (comes down from above) Hehehe…I knew I could teach those damn kids a lesson…

Jack: You do realize you have to clean up the body, right?

Janitor:…Damn! (grumbles while cleaning up)

Jill: Now to some anonymous reviews…

 _I think what would be REALLY funny is if sonic and knuckles got shrunk down to oh... the size of a cheeto and put with blaze amy rouge and if jill somehow breaks through the door HER. sryy knuckles if u survive u get the present of... Rouge marrying u and she not sleepin wit any1 else this chapter! sonic.. hm if somehow you escape amy u get,AMY REPPELEANT!(makes her not be able to come within 50 ft of u for a half hour!_  
 _-That one random sonic fan_

Shadow: As long as they're suffering…AUTHOR POWERS! (shrinks both Sonic and revived Knuckles)

Jack: (revives Blaze, then summons Amy and Rouge back) Look! Those two bishies are really tiny!

Amy: (grabs Sonic, shoves him into jar) Now I can keep you forever! (takes away Sonic)

Sonic: (mouthing "Help" as he's taken away)

Jack: And that…is why we don't trust Amy with ANYTHING on this show!

Jill: (does same with Knuckles)

Jack: Damn…the fan girls on this show have some serious issues!

Shadow: Well, since it doesn't look like either of them is going to survive being fan girl pets…next review!

 _Give Amy amazing psychic powers and make her screw with everyone._  
 _-Anonymous_

Shadow: Why would Amy want to screw with everyone?

Jack: Whatever, we have to figure out how to get her horny for everyone! (summons back Any and Jill)

Jill: I think we'll all regret this…AUTHORESS POWERS! (gives Amy psychic abilities)

Jack: (injects Amy with tons of teenage hormones)(runs as far away as physically possible)

Amy: I…NEED…SEX! (lifts up everyone, starts doing terrible things to them)

Charmy: AH! My bazooka's out of ammo! And I'm getting violated by a fan girl for the first time!

-Later-

Jack: (decides to sic Chuck Norris on Amy) That should take care of her!

Jill: But the sex is far from over…

 _Give all the boys enormous breasts._  
 _-Nobody_

Jill: (hands dresses to guys) You might want these!

Sonic: (revived) Why?

Jill: Because there's more cross-gender daring! AUTHORESS POWERS! (gives every Sonic guy some boobs)

Guys: (put on dresses)

Shadow: This is an outrage!

Jill: But the yaoi isn't over yet…

 _Dress Tails up as a girl and let him get tentacle raped._  
 _-m_

Jack: Well, Tails is already dressed up as a girl so…HEY COSMO! TAILS SAID HE WANTS TO BE YOUR BITCH!

Cosmo: BANZAI! (drags Tails into closet)

Tails: Cosmo, you don't need to do this-AHHHHHHHHH!

-Later, after everything goes back to normal-

Jack: Now we have to settle our last conflict for the chapter…WHO'S THE AUTHOR? First Jill got the powers, and now Tails and Shadow have them as well! And I've got my powers back as well…

All four: (draw guns, point at each other)

Jack: Cool! This is like Pirates of the Caribbean 3!

All four: (put down guns and laugh, then pull up guns again)

Jill: I guess we'll have to settle this in a Mexican stand-off! I CALL GOOD!

Jack: I CALL BAD!

Tails: I CALL-Hey! I'm not ugly!

Jack: Then we shall call it The Good, the Bad, and the Nerd…and the Emo!

Shadow: (glares)

Janitor: (plays theme music of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly in the background)

Jill: I wish we were fighting in an actual cemetery…but this stage is good enough!

All four: (back up ten paces with guns out)

Jack: FIRE! (BAM)

What a dramatic cliffhanger for our 50th chapter! Who shall win the fight for Author? Oh, and we have officially closed the poll! We shall give the results to all of you readers next chapter, which should be soon!


	51. Very one sided battles

VERY one sided battles

I have to explain this yet AGAIN to some people! I'm extremely busy, and I'm still working on reviews all the way back from Chapter 23! So…don't complain if it's taking me a long time to get to your review!

Jack: (looks through smoke) Ha! I was smart enough to conjure a bulletproof shield with my Author Powers! Now who died?

Jill, Tails, and Shadow: (all still alive)

Jack: Damn it! We all cheated by conjuring shields from Author Powers?

Tails: DUH!

Shadow: Well…I guess this chapter is stuck with 4 authors, then!

Jill: That'll make things interesting!

Jack: Especially since I have some news that none of you will like…I just had a cappuccino!

Sonic: (collapses) NOOOOOO! Now we have to deal with you on a caffeine-high this chapter?

Jack: Yep! And to start, I'm doing something to sum up the popular trend of torturing Sonic characters!

Janitor: (turns on "Sexy Back" music)

Jack: (singing) I'm bringing torture back…

-Later-

Jill:…That was weird.

Jack: Now that it's become a trend to torture these idiots, I had to celebrate some way!

 _Thank you for using my review. I've got some more as a token of my appreciation._  
 _Eggman: Rebuild all of your robots._  
 _Tails: Keep on truckin' with whatever you wanna do._  
 _Sonic: Here, take this chainsaw - *hands Sonic chainsaw* and cut Shadow's tail off, and then throw it to the fangirls and throw HIM to the fanBOYs. Afterwards, all you can eat Chili Dogs!_  
 _Jill: Kill Knuckles and admit that you hate him. Then, for the FIRST TIME IN THE FIC(!), "Knuckie" gets his revenge on you!_  
 _Knuckles: Kill Jill! You get a break this time! But First, Prove that you learned to spell your name in the last chapter!_  
 _Cosmo: Fight Cream for Tails' love... Again. But this time, Cream gets to choose a partner fighter of her choice and has the 7 Sol, Chaos and Super Emeralds, the 7 Chaos and World Rings, and the Master Emerald, while you are bound and gagged in a chair._  
 _Cream: *see above*_  
 _Jack: If Cream doesn't win, you don't get Author Powers for the next 2 chapters!_  
 _Metal Sonic: Compute Pi._  
 _And now for some truths. I want everyone to tell us what's on their iPods._  
 _That's all for now._  
 _-Aretsukusu_

Jack: I'm getting to everyone's reviews eventually…I'm just busy!

Eggman: MUAHAHA! Empire-building time! (starts doing…scienc-ey things)

Tails: Including taking over the world? Yes!

Sonic: (takes chainsaw) Time for some chopped bishie!

Jack: Mmm…that sounds kind of like a Japanese dish!

Shadow: (gets his tail chopped off) AH! You can't do this to me! I'm an author!

Tails: We can do anything we want to you! (throws Shadow to fan boys)

Fan boys: (grab kitchen knives, make "chopped bishie" into an actual dish)

Fan girls: (take tail, immediately start fighting over a miniscule object)

Sonic: Chili Dog Buffet! But the doctors have been telling me to try controlling my addiction…

-Later-

Sonic: (on phone with a panicked expression on his face and chili around his mouth) Hello, doctor? I slipped again!

Jill: (gets hypnotized by Jack) I hate you, Knuckie! Though you've been super hot to me throughout this fic and I've been glomping you millions of times, I hate your guts! (stabs Knuckles)

Jack: Damn…I can make fan girls do really crazy things! (revives Knuckles)

Knuckles: I think she's talking about Chapter 23...and it's K-N-U-C-K-I-E!

Jack: Meh. Close enough! I want to see some violence!

Janitor: (plays "Battle Without Honor or Humanity" in background)

Jack: No! That's Kill Jill, not Kill Bill!

Janitor:…It's still pretty cool music!

Jack: True.

Knuckles: (draws out kitana, starts up epic swordfight)

Jill: Knuckie, you won't kill me!

Knuckles: Watch! (does the Five-Point Palm Exploding Heart thingy of doom)

Jill: Five steps and I die? That doesn't make any physical sense!

Tails: (pushes her) Whatever! (kills her)

Cream: (takes everything) I'll choose Blaze…because I want Cosmo to become a bonfire!

Cosmo: (gets roasted) YAH!

Metal Sonic: I was already doing that. 3.14159...

Jack: While we keep him busy…we'll answer the question!

Tails, Eggman, and robots: Techno.

Sonic, Espio, and Silver: Rock.

Jill: Silver likes rock? No way!

Knuckles and Vector: Rap for life, foo!

Rouge, Amy, Blaze, and Charmy: Pop.

Shadow: (revived) I like-

Jack: Everyone knows what you like, emo!

Shadow: (glares) Fine. It's Heavy Metal…Happy?

Jack: And as to all of the others, we don't really care…

 _I wish torture upon these people in this way! Sonic and Knuckles get shrank down to the size of a quarter and put in a room with Amy, Rouge, Blaze, and if jill can find a way in her i guess. But wait! prizes! if sonic survives he gets AMY REPELLANT for 2 chaps! keeps her 50 ft away, if knuckles survives he can marry rouge and she wont sleep wit any1 but him for 2 chapters!_  
 _-Bolt the Wolf_

Shadow: AUTHOR POWERS! (shrinks down Sonic and Knuckles…again)

Jack: This is very similar to last chapter…so we'll just assume the same results occur!

Tails: Also we're skipping over this because we're in a hurry!

 _have knuckles ask out rouge and rouge say yes then they do it and rouge has to like it_  
 _-KNUXOUGE74_

Knuckles: (revived) Rouge…I know we already married earlier, but…will you marry me?

Rouge: Depending on how horny I am…I guess so! (Does more of what she's famous for in the closet)

 _Curse you Sacredfire059, and your hate for Cosmo! I must have REVENGE! Therefore, I shall dedicate this review to Cream's suffering!_  
 _Tails: We all know that you prefer Cosmo over Cream. Tell Cream in no uncertain terms that you love Cosmo over her. Then, shoot her mercilessly._  
 _Cosmo: Form an angry mob of Tails and Cosmo fangirls and chase down Cream!_  
 _Mephiles: Blindfold Cream and shoot her with the sissy beam you used to kill Sonic in Sonic '06._  
 _Espio: Use your ninja abilities to break every bone in Cream's body without killing her. Then, throw her around a bit, and then throw her to the fanboys._  
 _Vector: You're a crocodile! Eat Cream!_  
 _Silver: Send Cream to the future where you and Blaze once lived. (When Iblis was around)_  
 _Froggy: Take this mini pistol and shoot Cream with it._  
 _Big: I want Jack to hypnotize you into thinking that Cream is Froggy._  
 _Chaos: Drown Cream inside of you!_  
 _Tikal: Hit a chao and tell Chaos that Cream did it._  
 _Omega: Go swimming in the pool with Cream!_  
 _Gamma: Since you couldn't take out Amy in chapter 23 like I told you to, gun down Cream. Afterwards, lock yourself and her body in a small room and blow yourself up._  
 _Blaze: Barbecue Cream using this flamethrower, but enhance the flame with your own pyrokinetic abilities so that it really BURNS!_  
 _Metal Sonic: Ship Cream off into the middle of nowhere, and then nuke her._  
 _Jet: Force Cream to eat your extreme gear. The only way to get it back is to tear it out of her._  
 _Eggman: Send all of your creations to kill Cream!_  
 _Sonic: Use the calibur sword from the upcoming Sonic game and go crazy on Cream while locked in a small room with her._  
 _Charmy: (Jack, I need you to tell Charmy that Cream has been saying bad things about him behind his back. Keep it up until he decides to take action against her, but don't tell Charmy or Cream about this dare)_  
 _Knuckles: OMG! Knuckles, I overheard Cream talking about how she was going to steal the Master Emerald! Quick, kill her before she takes it!_  
 _Amy: (Dress Cream up as Sonic and show her to Amy, but don't tell Amy about this dare.)_  
 _Rouge: Give all of your possesions (I mean EVERYTHING... again) to Cosmo so that she can sell them for more weapons to use against Cream._  
 _Shadow: Reenact your Sonic '06 fight against Silver (Where you used Chaos Control), except Cream gets to be in Silver's position this time._  
 _Jill: Reenact every South Park Episode where Kenny dies, and force Cream to play as Kenny._  
 _Jack: Temporarily hypnotize Jill into wanting Cream over Knuckles, and then unleash Jill on her!_  
 _Cream: End the slaughter fest by being forced to sleep with the one person you hate the most while your mother is watching! Afterwards, kill yourself. Then, I want Sonic, Eggman, Mephiles, Amy, Charmy, Jet, and Metal Sonic to all kill themselves painfully so that they can continue torturing her in heck! Do not revive any of these characters unless they recieve a truth or dare._  
 _Everyone who is currently alive: Spread nasty rumors about Cream to the whole world. I want her to come back to a world that hates her when she is revived!_  
 _Tails and Cosmo: In celebration of the many deaths of Cream, go back to Tails' house and have a fun night!_  
 _Yes! Cream must die! I won't rest until she gives Tails up! (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jack: We got another extremely long one…(bleep)! And all for one result in the end…

Tails: Cream…I love Cosmo over you!

Cream: But, why?

Tails: I don't know…the review's telling me to! I'd do any chick, but…

Cream: But, why?

Tails: Because I'm horny as hell!

Cream: But, why?

Jack: Ok, SHUT UP! Now I'm actually looking forward to all of these deaths you suffer…

Tails: (shoots Cream)

Cosmo: (gets revived, forms up an angry mob of fan girls, and has them beat Cream up brutally)

Cream: Gah…can't…move…

Mephiles: (puts blindfold over Cream, shoots her with beam)

Cream: YOWCH!

Espio: It looks like the fan girl mob already broke almost every bone in her body…(throws her against wall) But that will make sure of it! (throws her into fan boys)

Fan boys: (do fan boy things)

Jack: (retrieves Cream out of fan boys) She's still alive, apparently!

Jill: What?! All of this hasn't killed her yet?

Jack: I know! She's like Rasputin on steroids! (gives her to Vector) Time to eat!

Vector: (swallows Cream) That ought to finish her…(throws up Cream)

Cream: Ow…that stomach acid really hurt!

Silver: (uses Chaos Emeralds to send Cream to future)

Cream's voice through portal: Hi, Mr. Monster-AHHHH!

Jill: Is she finally DEAD?!

Cream's voice: Help…I'm burnt very, very badly…

Froggy: (grabs pistol) Ribbit! (Translation: I'll take care of this!)(hops into portal)

Cream: Oh, thank you! You've come to help-(BAM)

Jill:…Is that it?

Cream: Ow! You shot me! You shot me right in the leg, you-(BAM) OW! Stop shooting me!

Froggy: (drags Cream back through portal)

Jill: Whoa…she's outlasting Mustafa from Austin Powers!

Jack: (hypnotizes Big) Froggy wants to be glomped!

Big: YAAAAAAY! (glomps Cream, breaking anything left to be broken)

Tikal: I can't believe I'm doing this again…(hit's a Chao)

Chaos: RAWR!

Tikal: (points to Cream) She did it!

Chaos: (starts drowning Cream)

Shadow: (pushes Chaos into pool with Omega) More suffering!

Omega: (electrocutes both Cream and Chaos)

Cream: (glug)

Gamma: (shoots into pool)

-Later-

Jack: (pulls Cream out of pool) Damn! She passed out before she could die! (shoves Gamma and Cream into small room)

Gamma: 3…2...1

Cream: What's the countdown for? Is this a surprise party-(BOOM)

Jill: That was surprising, all right!

Cream: (still alive)

Jack: Ok, we're starting to think she's related to Rasputin somehow…

Blaze: (takes flamethrower, turns Cream into a giant third-degree burn)

Metal Sonic: (sends Cream to New Mexico in the early 1940s) Time for their new test subject…

-Later-

Cream: (comes back as one of the killers from The Hills Have Eyes)

Jack: She SURVIVED that? That makes even less sense than Indiana Jones surviving one in a refrigerator!

Jill: (shoves extreme gear down Cream's throat) Get it, Jet!

Jet: (tears open Cream, retrieves gear) YAY!

Cream: Help…I'm bleeding very badly…I think the wounds are starting to become gangrenous…

Eggman: There's no way out of this one! Kill her, my minions!

All robots: (shoot Cream)

Cream: (now…DEAD!)

Jack: FINALLY! Even Rasputin died at some point! (revives Cream)

Jill: (shoves a revived Sonic and Cream into small room)

Sonic: (draws out sword) Can I practice on you?

Cream: WHAT?! No-AUGH!

Sonic: (drags out a bloody Cream) I'm good.

Jack: Hey Charmy…I heard Cream caused the destruction of all of those beehives that have been emptying from CCD as of recently!

Charmy: What?

Jack: Yes, and she poisoned every flower she's ever touched!

Charmy: What?!

Jack: Cream is the singular cause for every remake of a classic movie ever done!

Charmy: THAT BITCH! (tackles Cream, starts beating her up more)

Knuckles: (runs out of closet) Stop right there! I have to kill her for touching the precious! (kills Cream)

Jack: (revives Cream) Not so Rasputin-ey now, huh? 9gives her Sonic costume)

Amy: THERE HE IS! (glomps Cream)

Rouge: Even the clothes again? (sighs) HOT CHICK HEADNG A FIRE SALE!

Cosmo: (takes in money, grabs weapons)

Shadow: To show my superiority, I want to kick this little girl's ass first! (re-enacts

Sonic '06 fight) Chaos Control, bitch!

Cream: (gets kicked in back of head) JEEZ, that hurt!

Cosmo: (holds Cream at gunpoint) Now start re-enacting!

Cream: (puts on orange hoodie, becomes Death's new best friend)

Jack: (hypnotizes Jill) Look! There she is!

Jill: OMG! My bishie-I mean, fluffy! (glomps Cream, crushing even more bones than Amy and Big combined)

Jack: So…who does Cream hate the most?

Cream: Cosmo, by far!

Yuri fan boys: (charge onto stage, grab Cream and Cosmo and make them do…stuff…in front of everyone)

Vanilla: My daughter can do THAT?! (throws up)

Cream: (gets killed by Cosmo during sex)

Jack: Now go into your torturing modes! (draws out shotgun, mows down all 7)

Jill: Now for the nasty rumors! I heard that Cream is the single cause of AIDS!

Knuckles: I thought she caused the Black Death!

Jack: She did BOTH! And she was born with a tail!

Shadow:…Well, DUH! She's a rabbit!

Jack: Oh…

Tails: Well, I guess I have to do some chick…(takes Cosmo off stage)

Jill: And now for the poll results! Most people thought the new fic would be complete randomness. Second to that was a parody, and third to that was a story.

Jack: We'll tell you what the fic actually is next week!

Jill: Why not now?

Jack: We've still got to work out some stuff with it…however, it will be released next week alongside us revealing what it is! So keep your eyes peeled over the next weekend…

Jill: In the meantime…it's been 2 chapters since Tails and Shadow got their Author Powers! Meaning those powers are gone!

Jack: (grins) I think we're both thinking of the same thing…(draws out sword)

Tails: (comes back from "fun night") What are you guys up to now?

Jill: your funerals! (draws out sword, charges with Jack at Tails and Shadow)

Tails and Shadow: YAHHHHHHHHH!

Janitor: (puts up screen saying "In Memoriam: Tails and Shadow")

If you didn't recognize it, I got that chapter ending from the ending of Robot Chicken's third season (where Seth Green and Matthew Senriech charge at the head executive of Cartoon Network's Adult Swim)!


	52. The Janitor has some fun!

The Janitor has some fun!

Yay! In this chapter, my new fic shall be announced!

Jill: Wow…this took longer to do than we thought!

Jack: That's mostly because I just went through the busiest week of my life…GAH! I HATE TERM PAPERS!

Sonic: I'm happy! The busier you are, the less you can torture us! (prays for millions of term papers to be ahead)

Jack: Grrr…

 _You: Teach Knuckles the Falcon Punch. and unless you add Falnic I will withhold ALL your abilities. I authorise all the characters to shoot you if you try to get them back (you will only get them back if you DO add Falnic. and he stays.)All other characters; see above for your duties._  
 _-TARDISreviewer_

Jack: Finally, Knuckles can learn the punch that he ripped off!

Knuckles: Alright, so what do I do?

Jill: (hands Super Smash Bros. to Knuckles) Just say the words and move like Captain Falcon!

Knuckles: FALCON….PAWNCH! (sets nearby tree on fire) Damn it!

Janitor: (pulls out Super Soaker, takes out fire and then goes after Knuckles)

Knuckles: AHHHHHH! Stop spraying me!

Jill: (yells out to Janitor) Hey...you know who would hate the water more? (points to Sonic)

Janitor: (goes to Sonic, madness ensues)

Jack: Sorry…but we can't handle too many OCs! We've seen bad things happen in other fics that used them….

Jill: HA! That means that I'm the only one with the powers this chapter!

Knuckles: Again? Oh no...

 _Shadow:go into the closet with my oc darcey do whatever you want(p.s. not a fan girl but likes shadow)_  
 _Jack:let darcey being this for the rest of the fanfic_  
 _Blaze:your rule you take a spartan lazer and kill anyone for 5 chapters_  
 _Amy:get out of jail kill sonic,jill and jack and yourself_  
 _Silver:you also rule take a spartan lazer and kill anyone for 5 chapters with blaze_  
 _Tail:kill everyone who loves you_  
 _Sonic:get trun into a girl for 1 hour_  
 _Charmy and everyone else kill yourself 100 times_  
 _HAVE FUN ^^ SILAZE RULRZ_  
 _-Darcey the demon hedgehog_

Shadow: Not a fan girl? (coughs) Yeah right!

Jill: We can't have more OCs, but we can still send him to you! (throws Shadow to fan girls) Perfect!

Blaze: (grabs gun) Hmmm...goodbye, Jack!

Amy: NO! I'm supposed to kill him! (murders Jack, starts murdering Jill when she revives Jack) I still remember my jail time…wow, that was long ago!

Jill: Wait…wasn't Sonic the one that caused you to go to jail? (dies)

Amy: (gasps) THAT'S RIGHT!

Sonic: (still being sprayed by Super Soaker) AHHHH! SOMEONE PLEASE KILL ME NOW!

Amy: Will do! (stabs Sonic)

Sonic: I didn't mean literally…(dies)

Amy: Murder-suicide? Awww…(kills self)

Jack: Note to self: Amy is dangerous with a knife! (revives Jill)

Silver: (grabs gun) Time for those fan girls that pair me up with Sonic and Shadow to pay! (jumps into yaoi fan girl crowd)

Yaoi fan girls: (overpower Silver, send him into Project Runway as a model)

Jack: (shudders) Now Silver will have to face Heidi Klum!

Jill: If only we had forced him to speak in the Schwarzenegger accent again before this! That would have created an interesting meeting…

Tails: (shoots Cream and Cosmo) I have to kill all of my fan girls as well? Damn it…(brings out his nukes, fulfills their purpose)

Jill: (revives Sonic with "special features")

Sonic: Damn fan girls….always messing with our genders!

Shadow: (rolls eyes) Tell me about it…

Jill: I think I know the best way to cause this mass suicide….AUTHORESS POWERS! (turns everyone not mentioned in review into the mindset of Shadow, plays Barney Song on loudspeakers)

Charmy: My life….(stabs self)

Everyone else: (wipes themselves out faster than the Heaven's Gate people)

-One hour later-

Jack: This chapter is getting strange…

Sonic: (turns back into a guy) Yes! I managed to avoid yaoi!

Jill: I wouldn't say so just yet…

 _Dude! AWESOME! I LOVE THIS CRAP!_  
 _As for my dares:_  
 _I dare you to use your awesome author powers to_  
 _A) make tails a girl, make sonic not know, and have him keep touching his boobs accidentaly and not even realize it. Also, make sonic find out after about 15 times that Tails is a girl, and have them have lots of sex in the closet, showers, and in the middle of the fangirl/boy pits. The fangirls and boys will be unable to maul/kidnap them. Also, any/every girl that loves tails or sonic has to watch every single moment._  
 _B) Make Amy take Rohypnol, and have every male in the studio (including you) rape her for this chapter and next. Also, you have to make every guy ENJOY it. NO angry sex._  
 _C) Make shadow cross-dress in a whorish uniform (clear heels included) and dance on the pole in the background of the sonicxtails sex scenes._  
 _D) If blaze is still in the water, have her defy the laws of physics by lighting the pool on fire. If she is no longer in the water, have Silver join her in the pool, where they can have some fun._  
 _E)Jack, you and jill will be hypnotized into getting in the closet with each other. No cameras/videotape. *dont include this in the story* You dont have to do anything, just make it sound like something hilarious happened, then tell everyone what you did instead of what they thought you did._  
 _F)The chaotix now have to kiss each other until the Janitor kills them for puking so much. The janitor then can have a break for the rest of the chapter, in which Cream can do the manual labor (revive her if dead.)_  
 _G) Make cosmo join in with tails and give sonic a 3some._  
 _If that isnt torture, then i dont know what is. Loving this fic, PLEASE include this! Oh, and good luck with your schoolwork jack. I understand how hard it is to write with all that oppressing homework..._  
 _-IsaacGaretMia_

Jill: (revives everyone, gives Tails the "special features" for the chapter)

Tails: (shudders) I hate these "turning into a girl" fics…

Jack: Then you shouldn't be VOICED by a girl!

Jill: (talks to everyone) Ummm…this new fox girl is…Sliat!

Shadow: That sounds like slut…

Jill: SHUT IT! She will be here for the chapter, so be nice!

Sonic: (touches boobs without realizing it) Whoops! Sorry…(gets slapped)

Jack: I know where Amy can get Rohypnol…takes her to a nightclub) Now remember…ALWAYS take drinks when guys offer it to you! It's the least you could do for them…

Amy: Alright! Party time! (heads into nightclub)

-Back on stage-

Amy: Wow, man….that soda tasted GREAT!

Jill: (throws Sonic into closet with Amy) Go for it!

Sonic: Ummm…Amy, let go of me-AHHHH! I THINK THIS IS QUICKLY TURNING THE OTHER WAY AROUND FOR RAPE! GET HER OFF ME!

Jack: (shrugs) Meh. I think everyone wants him to suffer for being such a pervert!

-Many guys later-

Jack: (shudders) I hated my time with her…she kept thinking I was Sonic and trying to give me the fan girl grip of doom!

Jill: (hypnotizes Jack into thinking he liked it)

Shadow: (runs out of closet scared in stripper uniform) Look at what she dressed me up in!

Everyone: (laughing)

Jill: (summons yaoi fan girls) Attack!

Yaoi fan girls: (force Shadow to pole dance at gunpoint)

Sonic: (gets slapped again) GAH! I have to get away from those boobs!

Jack: You realize that's Tails, right?

Sonic: (throws up) You bastards!

Jill: And now you two have to do a three-some with Cosmo, apparently! (sends them to closet, kicks out Amy)

Jack: And yet more sex is going on with Silver and Blaze…who have to go swimming together!

Silver: (escapes Project Runway) I don't even want to talk about what the guys there did to me…(shudders)

Blaze: Time for some action this chapter! (heads into pool with Silver)

Jack: Whoa…you can do THAT with bubbles?!

-Later-

Jill: Well, I guess we have to…(heads into closet with Jack)

Everyone: (listens inside closet)

Jack: AHHH! Where did all of these aliens come from?

Jill: They're taking over everything! RUN!

Jack: AH! I'm shot by one of their lasers!

Everyone listening: (wide-eyed)

Shadow: This is all Cosmo's fault! No aliens would be here if it weren't for her!

Cosmo: Guys, I didn't send them-

Sonic: BURN THE WITCH…alien thing!

Everyone: YEAH!

Cosmo: AH! (gets lit up at stake)

Jack and Jill: (run out of closet laughing)

Jack: HA! We totally deceived all of you! (notices bonfire) Oh…

Jill: Can't you idiots last for a few minutes alone without burning something?

Knuckles: Honestly? No.

Jack: (rolls eyes) Well, let's just torture the Chaotix already…

Espio: (kisses Vector, then throws up)

Janitor: (starts cleaning) Stupid kids…not this kissing again!

Vector: (kisses Charmy, then throws up)

Janitor: Why can't you kids stop being so stupid…(continues cleaning)

Charmy: (kisses Espio, then throws up)

Espio: Man…this is worse than that time we had to smoke those bad mushrooms-I mean, candy canes! (throws up again)

Janitor: I'm done with this! My duty is to clean up messes, so…(pulls out taser, sets it on highest level and lets loose on the Chaotix)

Espio: I'm…tired…of…this! (twitches, then dies with Vector)

Fan girls: (swear vengeance upon the Janitor)

Janitor: (kills Charmy with taser)

Fan girls: (cheer)

Cream: Now I have to clean these bodies up? (sighs) I feel like a Mafia hitman when doing this…(starts cleaning up)

 _Hmm, you'd think Chris Thorndyke would have joined in the show by now. Well, I demand he and his friends, Danny, Frances and Helen come join the fun!_  
 _Dares:_  
 _Chris: You were very unfair to Danny during the Sonic Battle. Therefore, Danny gets to kick ya right in the balls._  
 _Danny: You are a pimp! You should have gotta more screentime! Therefore, you get to have Amy, Rouge, Cream and Blaze all to yourself in the closet for an hour! Have fun! One condition though, live cams! *evil grin*_  
 _Frances and Helen: You get to make out with a male Sonic character of your choice and Jack, use your uber Author Powers to allow Helen to stand and walk just for this dare!_  
 _That's it for now!_  
 _-Danny Fan_

Jack: Don't worry…your other review already got them here!

Danny: I remember that!(kicks Chris between the legs) Thanks for reminding me!

Chris: Ow…

Danny: I don't like the cameras so much…but the chicks are going to be fun! (heads into closet with them)

Fan girls: (liking what they see)

Jill: AUTHORESS POWERS! (makes Helen walk)

Frances: Hmmm…I'm choosing the bishie! (makes out with Shadow)

Helen: Same here! (also makes out with Shadow)

Shadow: Well…at least I'm out of the stripper outfit!

 _w00tI'm loven the story ^^_  
 _Shadow: Must go in closet with Knux and enjoy your sex with him XP you know both of you will like it!_  
 _Sonic: Have sex with Rouge while Knux watches_  
 _Knuckles: Have your revenge on Sonic MUHAHAHAHA!_  
 _Amy, Big, Charmy: Kill yourselves T_T I hate all three of you with a passion_  
 _Eggman: Make out with Sonic then Tails! XD_  
 _that's all I got right now lol_  
 _-Swift The Hedgehog_

Shadow: NO! There's enough yaoi between me and idiots! (points to Knuckles and Sonic)

Jill: (hypnotizes both Shadow and Knuckles) Now take them in!

Yaoi fan girls: (drag Knuckles and Shadow into closet)

-Later-

Shadow: Oh baby…

Knuckles: What do I do now that I've done that pretty chick?

Jack: Just watch…

Sonic: Sex in front of everyone? (eyes widen) Umm…

Rouge: I know you suck at sex! Everyone knows! Oh well…

Sonic: (gets a good treatment from Rouge)

Jill: Why has this fic made so many of the Sonic characters such sluts…both guy and girl?

Jack: Because it's funny!

Knuckles: (notices Sonic and Rouge) HEY! It's my turn to ride her! (strangles Sonic)

Jack: That's how EVERYONE gets a ride on her!

Jill: (hypnotizes 3 into killing themselves)

Big: Uhhh…I don't feel like Froggy likes me…(kills self, falls on Amy and Charmy)

Jack: (throws up) That was brutal…

Eggman: (gets hypnotized) Must…love enemies! (starts kissing both Sonic and Tails)

Sonic: GAH! He's now become a creeper to me!

Tails: Well, at least I'm still a chick for this…(turns back into a guy) Damn! (gets tackled by Eggman) HELP!

Jack:…I think the right thing to do would be ignoring that!

Jill: Yep. Let's talk about the new fic!

Jack: Alright. Well, we were looking around at all of the video game parodies that the Sonic part of FanFiction has…and we noticed that though there were good parodies for Sonic Adventure 2, Shadow the Hedgehog, and Sonic Heroes…there weren't any good ones for the first Sonic Adventure game!

Jill: All of the Sonic Adventure parodies were either very short and incomplete, or boring! Sometimes both!

Jack: So therefore…(deepens voice) Coming to a FanFiction near you…Sonic Adventure: The Ultimate Parody!

Jill: We were originally going to call it Sonic Adventure: The Abridged Video Game… but then we realized that reading the parody took LONGER than watching the actual cut-scenes and playing the game!

Jack: We filled it up with LOTS of jokes…and we hope that this fic will finally provide a funny, complete Sonic Adventure parody!

The first chapter of it should be up very soon…oh, and for next week we shall have a special guest! I won't say who, but I'll just say that he's the main character of one of the funniest, most controversial movies I've ever seen!


	53. Tikal on steroids!

Tikal on steroids!

Thanks for the reviews to the parody! I'm glad that a lot of people seemed to like it so far!

Jill: Before we introduce the special guest, we shall first add on a new Sonic character…mainly because people have been asking us to! Here is…Chip!

Chip: (flies in) YAY!

Jack: Hello, Daxter-I mean, Chip!

Jill: Oh my gosh…I never noticed that before! Sonic and Chip=Jak and Daxter!

Jack: I know. I noticed that immediately! Sonic's werehog voice even SOUNDS kind of like Jak's voice!

Jill: All we need to do is give them some guns and land them in the middle of an imperial city…

Chip: Awww…I'm based off of some other video game character? I going to need some chocolate to help get over this…(flies off)

Jack: (yells to him) See you at the next Chocoholics Anonymous meeting!…Or whenever we get to his reviews!

Jill: (also yells to him) Even the name's a pun…Chocolate Chip!

Jack: Now it's time for the special guest for the chapter…Borat Sagdiyev!

Borat: Jagshemash!

Jill: We're doing this mostly because we're saddened by the fact that Sacha Baron Cohen won't be doing Borat anymore…AUGH!

Borat: (notices Rouge) In Kazakhstan, you would be very popular…you might even surpass my sister for number 4 prostitute in the country!

Rouge: Finally, some appreciation!

Jack: Wow…

 _Anyways...to the dares..._  
 _Throw Tails in the fan girl pit._  
 _Make Amy have have a non stop "period" during the whole chapter._  
 _Make Knuckles give Charmy all of his money/rings. And Knuckles can not kill Charmy either! And let Charmy buy whatever he wants, and do not let any of the Sonic Characters make fun of, or complain on what he gets! If they do, they get electrocuted!_  
 _Throw Blaze in the closet that's filled with a bunch of insane monkeys._  
 _-Jojora_

Jack: Will do! (grabs Tails, throws him to fan girls)

Fan girls: (emit loudest scream ever) CHIBI!

Tails: NOOOO!

Espio: That's for taking all of our fan girls!

Jack: I think we all are going to suffer for this…AUTHOR POWERS! (gives Amy a non-stop period for chapter)

Amy: Where's Sonic? I need to KICK HIS ASS for sleeping with so many women!

Jack: (hides behind Borat) IT'S A DANGER ZONE! RUN!

Borat: (points to Amy) You remind me of my wife when she turned 15...(shudders)

Jack: (backs away) TMI, man…

Knuckles: But…that bee will use them on crappy, useless things! I spend my money on something useful…booze!

Jill: Sorry, Knuckie…you've got to do what they say!

Knuckles: (hands over rings to Charmy)

Charmy: Alright! Guinness World Record for most Red Bulls drank, HERE I COME! (runs off)

Amy: Why isn't anyone telling me where Sonic is? (notices Blaze) Hmm…I guess if I can't kill him, I'll just have to kill the whores he goes with! (throws Blaze into closet, dumps a barrel of monkeys into there)

Blaze: Hey! Stop scratching me! Oh no…their leader is the evil monkey in the closet from Family Guy! AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jack: Wow…we know this chapter's off to a good start when we're talking about evil monkeys!

 _Everyone in this show must fight in epic duel tounaments however they like for 2 chpters. This also means you too Jack and Jill._  
 _Before that I want Jack,Shadow ,Omega,Rouge,and Jill to go to Raccon City and wipe all the you can use this advenced prototype riffles to kill and see you later._  
 _-Classic but better_

Jack: (hands out rifles) Awww…I suck at Resident Evil!

Jill: Damn…well, we'll just have to kill those zombies anyways!

Shadow: I like this! Finally, I get an excuse to start shooting people in the head!

All 5: (head to Raccoon City)

Tails: (climbs out of fan girls pit very exhausted) What do we do while waiting?

Knuckles: Beat the crap out of each other, of course!

Sonic: DUEL TOURNAMENT!

Espio: (sighs) This is why I always avoid you guys as much as possible!

Charmy: (returns, draws out sword) Are you kidding? This is great!

Blaze: (escapes from closet) I'm fighting the crazy fan girl who doesn't know when to stop!

Amy: YAHHHHHH! (gets into an epic fight with Blaze)

Tails: Since we hate Charmy, I'll kick his ass for you all! (hops on Tornado, starts blasting away at Charmy)

Sonic: (looking at stats) WHAT?! Espio's more popular than I am?

Espio: Hell yes! I knew those fan girls would find me to be badass!

Sonic: That's it! We're fighting, right now! (starts up another epic fight with Espio)

Silver: Well…I guess the only one I can think of fighting is Mephiles!

Mephiles: Fine! (immediately kills Silver with beam)

Knuckles: Wow…that ended quickly! Let's hope that my fight with Eggman ends like that!

Eggman: What? (gets tackled by Knuckles) AUGH!

Cream: You're not my real daddy! (shanks Vector)

Vector: Ugh…(collapses, bleeds to death)

Vanilla: Cream, how did you get that knife?

Cream: You don't want to know…

Cosmo: (busy strangling Jet) You're next, Cream!

Sonic: (with several ninja stars in him, panting0 Mustn't…give up…(BAM)

Jack: (enters stage with smoking gun, alongside others)

Espio: Hey! I was supposed to kill him!

Shadow: Everyone wants to kill him…

Amy: (notices dead Sonic) NOOOOO! (jumps into fan girl crowd, gets set ablaze)

Blaze: Sweet! Win by default!

Jack: Alright, this tournament is starting to bore me a bit…(revives dead characters)

Borat: (notices Silver) The town rapist would love meeting you!

Silver: (shudders)

 _Shadow, you rock. Have a rocket launcher_  
 _Froggy, kill Big in the most gruesome method you can comprehend._  
 _Big, get killed by froggy_  
 _Blaze, who do you love?_  
 _Rouge &Knuckles, go to the closet_  
 _Amy, kill all Sonic fangirls_  
 _Look Eggman, the secret to killing Sonic is over there, beneath those people[points to Metroid Fanboys{they are violent, and horny}]_  
 _Tails, Stay in the closet with Cosmo for 3 chapters_  
 _Cream, give silver a make-over{grins evily}_  
 _-Snow Cone Klyde_

Shadow: (takes launcher) Damn! That would've been so useful against the zombies!

Froggy: (grabs Chaos Emerald) Ribbit! (Translation: Time to carve you up!)

Big: Uhhh…okay…(gets brutally murdered by Froggy)

Borat: That reminds me of a time in Kazakhstan when-

Jill: We probably don't want to know.

Jack: I do!

Blaze: I like…hedgehogs! I think I can generalize it down to that…

Sonaze, Shadaze, and Silvaze fans: (continue arguing)

Knuckles: Party time! (heads into closet with Rouge)

Amy: (continues fighting fan girls, even when on fire)

Eggman: I can finally kill the blue bastard? How? (dives into Metroid fan boys)

Metroid fan boys: (drooling)

Eggman: Ummm…how do I kill Sonic?

Random Metroid fan boy: Put on this! (gives Eggman a Samus outfit)

Eggman: Ummm…okay!

Jack: Oh no! (throws up) I think we all know what's going to happen next…

Eggman: AHHHHH! (learns what sadism is)

Tails: 3 chapters? Oh boy…(heads into closet with Cosmo) WHOA!

Rouge: Hey! We're still in here!

Knuckles: Yeah, you're supposed to barge in on Shadow!

Cosmo: Oh yeah…whoops!

Cream: (grabs makeup, lipstick) Another dress-up! Sweet!

Silver: (gets makeover, looks in mirror) I…am horrified!

Borat: Now the town rapist would REALLY like you!

Jack: And we're still only halfway through the chapter! (laughs evilly)

 _Looking through the reviews, I've noticed that some people (Darcey the demon hedgehog and TARDISreviewer) still want their Oc's in this story. I'm not sure Jack will let them in, but (pulls out sacrificial dagger) I have a use for them! (Drags off Falnic and Darcey)_  
 _Mephiles: Douse yourself in gasoline and start playing with a lighter. Lock yourself in the closet with Amy, Charmy, and Cream before doing this._  
 _Espio: You're a better fighter than Shadow, so apply for his job at GUN. (After his "pay raises", I'm sure they'll be more than happy to give the job to you)_  
 _Blaze: Go to rehab and get cured of your pyromania._  
 _Big: What are you doing out of the closet? I told you not to come out until you find the cure for cancer! Because of that, I want Vector to rip out your spine and beat you senseless with it until you die. After you're revived, get back in the closet and don't come out until you find the cure OR ELSE!_  
 _Vector: Play Russian Roulette with Charmy and Espio, but I want the gun loaded with two bullets so that only one can be left standing._  
 _Tikal: Learn how to actually fight and then beat Rouge to death in unarmed combat._  
 _Chaos: I want Tikal to throw you on an electric and Gamma: Have a bowling contest between the two of you. The loser will be taken apart by the atom scrambler I have given Tails. Use Sonic as the bowling ball._  
 _Tails: Sue the yaoi fan girls for forcing Sonic to impregnate you. Afterwards, throw Sonic off of the top of Mt. Everest._  
 _Cosmo: By the time it's your turn, I will have sacrificed Falnic and Darcey to summon a demon! I give full control of the demon to you and would like you to unleash it on Cream!_  
 _The suffering keeps mounting, and I am all too happy to contribute to it. (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jill: That review will make up the second half!

Mephiles: (grabs Amy, Charmy, and Cream) Stupid suicide pyromania…(goes into closet with them)

Amy: What now?

Mephiles: (douses self in gasoline) AHAHAHAHA!

Rouge and Knuckles: (run out of closet) OH (bleep)!

Tails: Ahh…that sex was great! Wait, what's going on? Cosmo and I are still kind of busy here…

Cream: DIE! (tackles Cosmo, starts fighting her)

Tails: I feel like doing something to calm down now for my afterglow…(grabs cigarette and lighter) Hmmm…(BOOM)

-Later-

Mephiles: (revived with all others killed) Damn it, Tails…You got us all killed! I was supposed to do that!

Tails: I have to admit, though…that smoke was totally worth it!

Everyone: (glares at Tails)

Tails: Ummm…(runs back into closet with Cosmo)

Espio: (gulps) I hope I am…there's a reason he still has more fan girls, though…(applies for job)

Blaze: AUGH! I don't have pyromania!

Jack: LIAR! Everyone knows you do!

Jill: Just calm down, Blaze…the first step is admitting you have a problem!

Blaze: (rolls eyes) Bastards…(heads to rehab center)

Big: Uhhh...I gave up on it!

Vector: There's no room for giving up on here! (does some very violent, crippling actions to Big)

Jack: (revives Big) Now go back in there!

Big: (goes back into closet, watches Tails and Cosmo's "Biology demonstration" while working on cure)

Espio: (comes back) I got Shadow's job!

Shadow: WHAT?! Son of a…(starts up an epic fight with Espio)

Espio: I'm too awesome to die! I WILL WIN!

Shadow: NO, for my awesomeness outdoes yours! (kicks Espio's ass)

-Later-

Shadow: (ties up Team Chaotix) As punishment, I'm making you all play Russian Roulette! Maybe that will teach you to not (bleep) with a government agent…especially not a BISHIE government agent!

-Meanwhile-

Blaze: But the fire is part of my powers!

Specialist: That means that your pyromania has gotten to REALLY bad levels! We're going to need a Code Red here…

Blaze: What? Come on…(gets dragged into electrode room) AHHHHHHH!

-Meanwhile-

Charmy: (shoots self)

Vector and Espio: (cheer until they realize one of them still has to die)

Espio: (puts up gun) Ha! My awesomeness will protect me-(BOOM)

Vector: Sweet…I survived!

Jill: And now I guess we have to do this…(injects Tikal with steroids)

Jack: Oh (bleep)…ROID RAGE!

Tikal: YAUGH! (tackles Rouge, crushes her with one punch)

Knuckles: Wow…remind me not to piss off Tikal!

Chaos: (gets in Tikal's way) RAWR! (gets thrown into fence and electrocuted)

-Many destructive hours later-

Jack: Wow…that was almost as bad as when Shadow started blowing up everything!

Omega: (grabs Sonic, rolls him into ball) Time to dominate. (throws Sonic into bowling pins, breaks every pin in half)

Sonic: Oww…jeez, that REALLY hurt! (gets picked up by Gamma) Damn it!

Gamma: (rolls Sonic toward newly built pins)

Sonic: (bounces off of pins without any falling)

Jack: THAT WAS A WEAK THROW!

Tails: (runs out of closet) I get to destroy something? Yay! (uses scrambler to break apart Gamma) Now it's time for court…

-At trial-

Blaze: (in fetal position on floor) Fire is bad…FIRE IS BAD!

Jill: Damn…we really messed her up!

Tails: Those yaoi fan girls caused my best friend to knock me up, not just in this fic but in many other fics out there!

Judge: The defense?

Yaoi fan girls: WE KNOW THEY'RE IN LOVE! THEY'RE LYING!

Sonic: (shudders) We're not!

Tails: Okay…listen to this proposal, judge! You give me 50K in this suit, and I won't blow this court to smithereens with my nukes! Got it?

Judge: The yaoi fan girls are guilty as charged! (bangs gavel, then runs for shelter)

Sonic: What do we do with the money?

Tails: We're taking a trip to Mt. Everest…

Cosmo: Some random demon? Cool! Go, boy! (decides to sic demon on Cream)

Cream: AHHHH! (faces million fires of hell)

-Meanwhile-

Sonic: Top of the world, huh? It's too bad we CAN'T SEE ANYTHING BECAUSE WE'RE ABOVE THE CLOUDS!

Tails: (mutters) You unappreciative bastard…

Sonic: What was that?

Tails: Hey! You wanna go sledding? (holds up log)

Sonic: YES! (jumps onto log, goes down Mt. Everest and crashes in a way that would make Johnny Knoxville ashamed)

Tails: Wow…that's going to be a popular video!

Remember, check out my other Sonic fic…and watch the stupidity unfold!


	54. Chaos on steroids!

Chaos on steroids!

Ski team's almost over…but I still have a (bleep)load of homework this term!

Jack: Hey Sonic! Guess what?

Sonic: Umm…what?

Jack: In light of the Superbowl…(draws out knife) I heard that hedgehogs can make really good footballs! (I have actually never heard this!)

Sonic: (runs off screaming)

Jack: Hehehe…I just love doing that to mess with him!

 _I love this fic you gotta make more! it was first fic i read and wat made me make an account! To celebrate, TORTURE FOR ALL!_  
 _Tikal: You and jill go into a cage match and jack makes you a great fighter. NO author powers jill._  
 _Chaos: Youve been gettin abused so u can now speak english and go on a killin rampage!(english for 2 chaps)_  
 _Now for a biggie: Sonic and knuckles get shrunk to the size of a quarter and put in a room with amy, rouge, blaze and jill if she can get through the steel plated doors. If sonic survives amy cat come within 50 feet for 2 chaps cept for dares and if knuckles survives he can marry rouge and she wont sleep with anyone but him for 2 chapters!_  
 _Big: You suck major so everytime you say Duh for 3 chapters you get thrown to the fangirls!_  
 _Ill be back!_  
 _-Bolt the Wolf_

Jill: It's nice to know that we've inspired people! Since then…we have now made another fic! And the second chapter has now been posted for it!

Jack: Damn it…(puts Tikal into the movie Rocky) That'll train her up good!

-Later-

Tikal: (exhausted) I think I'm ready…(heads into cage with Jill)

Janitor: (plays "Eye of the Tiger" in background)

Jill: You can't stop a fan girl!

Tikal: Watch me do so! (gets into epic fight, even manages to outdo a fan girl)

Jill: Ugh…(collapses)

Chaos: Killing spree? But…I don't like being violent unless I'm angry…(sobs(?))

Jack: Too bad! (injects Chaos with steroids, turns Chaos into Incredible Hulk)

Chaos: CHAOS SMASH! (kills Tikal, goes on a rampage that would make Godzilla ashamed)

Jill: Hey! That's another thing that Perfect Chaos ripped off! Alongside the Cloverfield monster…

Jack: We already did the third dare for Bolt earlier, so we don't need to do that now. This a message to all who decide to repeat the same thing due to impatience…we WILL get to your review eventually! It's just going to take us forever!

Big: (reads dare) Uhhhh…okay.

Jack: No! Say a "D" in front of it!

Big: Uh-huh! Duhh-AHHHHHHH! (gets thrown to fan girls)

Fan girls: (make Big into their next stuffed animal)

Jill: Due to time constraints, we'll only do one other review this chapter…

 _Tikal Get train by Mr. T How to fight then Fight Rouge and Jill for a Rematch and win Knuckals_  
 _Rouge Bite Tails turn him into a Vampire for Seveen Chaptures and Permentely too No Changing also_  
 _Tails since you a Vampire bite Sonic too and make him do anything you want also make Sonic as a Vampire too for seven Chaptures_  
 _Have the Sonic Heros Face the 0-5 Detroit Lions in a Football game_  
 _Shadow Help Yakko Wakko and Dot Blow up Baloney_  
 _Eggman Rape Fox From Skunk Fu and Let Rabbit and Skunk Beat up Eggman too._  
 _Chaos Drown Fry form Futuramia_  
 _Cosmo Be a Domimatrix to Cream and hump her with a Strap on and telling her who is tails lover_  
 _Charmy get rape by Raily form Metorids_  
 _Big have one of the Metroids thigs suck your head see if they can get any info out of you._  
 _Sliver yiff Amy and Blaze help Sliver yiff Amy by using a Strap on Amy too._  
 _Vector Yiff Vanilla and get her pregent too._  
 _Jet The Hawk Yiff Espio in a Dress_  
 _Nack since Sonic is bussy with Tails Rape Sally and get her pregent too_  
 _-Charles Roberts_

Jack: I guess the stereotype is right…Metroid fans are very horny!

Tikal: So now I have to learn from Mr. T as well? Damn it…(heads off to arena)

Mr. T: You what you look like? A-

Tikal: I know. A fool.

Mr. T: (glares) Don't interrupt me, foo! I might just send the A-Team after you if you're not careful…

-Meanwhile-

Rouge: (rolls eyes) More biting? (barges into closet, drags out Tails, then bites him)

Jill: We're not doing it permanently! Nor are we doing it for seven chapters…that would be too long! We'll do dares at five chapters AT MOST!

Jack: Five chapters it is then!

Tails: Damn it…(bites Sonic) Now go and hire me some hookers! Tonight's going to be a party…

Sonic: Yes, sir…(walks off)

Tikal: (gets into another fight) Now I'm a killing machine...yay?

Rouge: I'm hotter than you! I can win this! (loses)

Jack: Sweet! A football dare! And this is truly coincidental that the Superbowl is around the time we're doing this review…(sends everyone to Ford Field)

Knuckles: (does a kickoff that would make Charlie Brown feel proud of himself)

Everyone: (loses. What, did you honestly think they would win? THINK ABOUT IT! A group of big, hulking football players against the biggest group of idiots SEGA ever made? Yeah…)

-Back on stage-

Shadow: Don't ell me…they're annoying, aren't they?

Jill: Yes. Annoying as hell.

Jack: But hey…you get to at least blow up a parody of Barney the Dinosaur!

Shadow: I'M IN!

-Later-

Baloney: Will you be my special friend?

Shadow: (chucks grenades at Baloney) AUGH! DIE, YOU EVIL (bleep)(bleep)(bleep) with your (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep) and (bleep)(bleep)-

Jack: I don't think he's going to stop, is he?

Jill: Baloney's already dead, too….Shadow's just continually stabbing his dead body and swearing!

Jack: Hmmm…now if he met Tea from Yu-Gi-Oh: Abridged…

Jill: She wouldn't last a second! Her friendship speeches are no match for his emoness!

Yakko: SUGAR HIGH!

Wakko: SUGAR HIGH!

Dot: SUGAR HIGH!

Shadow: (looks up with a glare that would make Mike Tyson run home to his mommy)

Dot: (glomps Shadow) He's so cute!

Shadow: Get…the (bleep)…off of me!

-Later-

Eggman: (goes to show) Umm…hi! (grabs Fox) I have some things to do with this lady here…

Fox: (breaks free of grip, kicks Eggman's ass)

-Later-

Jack: Damn it! Why send Eggman to do that? Everyone know that he's incompetent…

-Later-

Jill: No excuses! You have to keep trying!

Eggman: AWWW! Fine…(heads off)

Jack: I love Futurama! (sends Chaos to Planet Express headquarters)

Fry: I wonder what's in this delivery package…(opens it up to find Chaos) Cool! I know what to do…I'll impulsively drink it! Yay!

Chaos: CHAOS SMASH! (grabs Fry, drowns him)

Professor: Not another dead body! SCRUFFY!

Scruffy: Fine…(mops up Fry's body, mumbles)

-Back on stage-

Jack: Actually, I feel an obligation to admit something now…I kind of based the Janitor off of Scruffy!

Jill: Really?

Jack: Yeah…except I made him a lot more pissed off!

Janitor: That explains it…(continues grumbling)

Jack: (summons yuri fan boys with strap-on) Time for the next dare…

Yuri fan boys: (grab Cream, take her into closet)

Cosmo: (in closet) AH! (gets hypnotized) I'M Tails' lover now!

Jack: (looks on computer) I'll assume he's talking about this Ridley fellow…HOLY (bleep), THAT'S A (bleep)ING DRAGON!

Charmy: What?! I have to be raped by a DRAGON?! (shudders)

Jill: Well, time to go! (sends Charmy to planet Metroid)

-Later-

Charmy: (comes back with a blank stare on face) I'd rather not talk about it…

Jack: (throws a Metroid to Big) Hey! Try out this new baseball cap! I think it'll look real good on you!

Big: (climbs out of fan girl pit) Uhhh…YAAAAAAY! (puts Metroid onto head)

Metroid: (instantly collapses from starvation)

Big: Duhh-YOW! (gets thrown to fan girls again)

Jill: (hypnotizes Blaze and Silver) Now get that crazy fan girl!

Amy: (gets dragged into closet) I hate threesomes…especially without Sonic!

Jack: (shoves Vector and Vanilla into closet) It's getting awfully crowded in there…

Jill: (gives Espio a dress) Put it on now!

Espio: What? I thought all of the cross-dressing was for Tails and Shadow…(grumbles while putting on dress)

Jill: (summons yaoi fan girls) More busywork…

Yaoi fan girls: (take a screaming Jet and Espio into closet)

Nack (or Fang): (pulls out guns) Awesome! My first dare is getting laid!

Jack: Wow…Shadow replaced you as the weapons addict!

Nack: I'm still packing heat, though! (grabs Sally, takes her to closet at gunpoint)

Sally: But I'm too rich to get kidnapped! (Futurama line)

-Later-

Jill: (sends Nack, Sally, Vector, and Vanilla to Double Juno) Why is there so much sex around the time of the Superbowl?

Jack: I don't know…I don't want to think about that!

Random comment! There seems to be a ton of action movies coming up this year in 2009…an unusually high amount! From Terminator 4 to that new Fast and Furious movie…there just seems to be a lot!


	55. Knuckles goes bulimic

Knuckles goes bulimic

Now I've just gone through the busiest weekend of my life…

Jack: Apparently we're not the most popular Sonic fic…some fic called Sonic Insanity that hasn't been updated in a very long time still has the crown…

Jill: And that has over 1200 reviews! I don't anyone could survive with that many in a fic…especially not this!

Jack: On the other side of news…people seem to love our parody! A couple of people even called me the king of Sonic comedy!

Tails: (reads parody, then gasps) How could you say I was on drugs?

Jack: Honestly? The thought came up completely randomly in my head. I was thinking of a way to tease you in the parody…and then BAM! The random thought of "Tails=druggie" appeared in my head!

Jill: Well, let's answer the question!

Jack: Oh yes! One of the reviewers of the parody asked if we were going to do a parody of Sonic Adventure 2!

Sonic: So what do you think?

Jack: Well…we do HAVE the game, so it wouldn't be completely impossible…(sighs) we're still thinking about it! We're doing our current parody because this site needs a good parody for Sonic Adventure, while there are already plenty of good SA2 parodies out there!

Jill: For now, let's just get to some reviews!

 _Make Knuckles vomit every time someone speaks._  
 _-Nobody_

Jack: (makes Knuckles drink lots of drain cleaner) Perfect!

Knuckles: (throws up) Oh boy…I feel like when the guys from Family Guy had that vomiting contest!

Jill: Oh yeah…to see who could hold off vomiting the longest! They all lost…

Knuckles: (continues emptying his stomach)

 _make Shadow watch an entire episode of barney, or another show that will make him suffer_  
 _-timmy102_

Shadow: I'm not watching that conformist (bleep)!

Jack: We don't care what you think! NOW WATCH BARNEY!

Shadow: (heads into TV room, watches things that would give him nightmares later)

Knuckles: (still throwing up) I guess I don't have to worry about losing weight…

 _What dares can I do today? How 'bout these for my 3 favorite characters:_  
 _Silver: Most everyone makes fun of you, so show them that your cooler than Shadow bu ripping out all of his fur with your psycic powers and Shadow can't do anything about it._  
 _Blaze: Get out of the pool and burn anyone you want to a crisp (don't tell the Jack this but that means him too)._  
 _Sonic: Once Silver has ripped out Shadow's fur, tell him that it's in the fangirl pit._  
 _-Burn the Dragon_

Shadow: (runs out of TV room) THE MADNESS! Someone save me from that purple monster!

Silver: (uses psychic powers to rip out Shadow's fur)

Shadow: AH! Baldness! I didn't know I was already middle-aged!

Blaze: But I'm not in the pool right now-AH! (gets pushed into pool by Jack) Oh, you son of a-(gets out of pool, starts throwing fireballs at him)

Jack: AUGH! The wrath of the psycho pyro! (runs off stage with Blaze chasing him)

Shadow: Alright, who stole my fur?

Silver: (grins) The fan girls have it now!

Shadow: (with a panicky look in face) What? But…DAMN IT! (jumps into fan girls pit) Now give me back my fur, or I'll never sign any of your autographs again!

Fan girls: (attack Shadow with outrage)

Shadow: AHHHHH! I guess it was a mistake to anger them…(gets dragged off)

Jack: (runs back on stage) So true…a riled up fan girl is always armed and dangerous!

 _make big belly flop into the fangirls. Then make vector give his precious metal to the poor. make him sad when he does that_  
 _-timmy102_

Jill: Hey Big! If you do your belly flop into the fan girls, I'll…give you free tickets to the aquarium!

Big: YAAAAAY! I can get more fishies!

Jack:…Yeah. Just do it already!

Big: (does a dive into pit of doom)

Fan girls: (get out of way, let him crash into ground)

Big: Uhhhh…why does my belly ache?

Fan girls: (avoid the monstrosity)

Vector: My precious metal? (shifts around eyes nervously) Ummm…I don't know what you're talking about!

Espio: (drags in safe) We're talking about this! (dumps out a huge amount of gold)

Knuckles: (still throwing up)

Safe: (still pouring out gold)

Vector: (sees everyone taking it) NOOOOOO! Who can I squander now?

Jill: Shut up, you rich jerk!

 _Make Tails and Charmy dress as girls and then make out in front of everyone, and they have to enjoy it._  
 _-noone_

Charmy: (takes dress) Not another yaoi fan girl…

Jill: (hypnotizes them both) Oh yeah…yaoi's getting stronger!

Sonic: (shudders) That can't be good for me…

Jack: You've gotten away from it for this chapter!

Tails: (starts making out with Charmy)

Cream, Cosmo, and Marine: (start burning Charmy plushies as practice)

Jack: Plushies…the new effigy to burn!

 _Make Rouge put on a strapon and screw Tails while Tails sucks off Big._  
 _-Anonymous_

Jill: That's really strange…(shoves Tails, Rouge, and Big into closet)

Knuckles: (making the Janitor encounter his hardest cleaning job ever)

Janitor: (bleep)ing kids…with your-HOLY (bleep)! That echidna is dead! (pulls out rifle, starts shooting at Knuckles)

Knuckles: (runs off screaming)

 _Cream: turn into a guy and screw Tails until he passes out._  
 _-M_

Jack: AUTHOR POWERS! (turns Cream into a guy) Dude…again, this is strange!

Cream: (sighs) Well, I guess the crossing genders wasn't just for the guys, after all…(bleep)!

Jill: What do we do about Rouge and Big?

Jack: I just remembered now! One of our reviewers wanted 2 more closet to be added to help deal with crowding, so…(creates 2 more closets, then sends Cream into one)

Jill: (takes Tails out of one closet, puts him in another)

Tails: AUGH! What the (bleep) is that thing?

Cream: That's it! I'm kicking your ass for insulting my looks!

Tails: OW! OW! This day has been horrible for me…

Jack: It's been almost as bad for Knuckles!

-Later-

Cream: (turns back to normal, drags Tails out of closet)

Blaze: (storms onto stage) Where is he?

Jack: Look at that! (uses laser pointer)

Blaze: THERE'S THAT (bleep)ING RED THING AGAIN! RAWR! (chases after dot)

 _Give Tails the mind of a seven year old schoolgirl_  
 _-Anon._

Jill: (hypnotizing Tails into believing he's a seven year old school girl)

Tails: Tee hee! You're all so funny looking!

Jack: Wow…this is actually creeping me out! For once, we're actually not getting threats from Tails about how we will all suffer at his hands!

Jill: It's just for these few minutes, though…

Knuckles: (so skinny, he makes Lindsay Lohan look like Jared Fogle…pre-Subway!) I think people can see through me now…

Jack: (looks around Knuckles) Man…you look a line! AWESOME!

Knuckles: (passes out)

Oh, and I have to say something here…From now on, please don't do too many dares that go for multiple chapters! Once in a while is fine, but if I get too many at once, it becomes hard to remember to do in later chapters…


	56. Valentines love triangles

Valentines love triangles

Today, we shall start on our many Valentine's Day reviews! But before that, let's enact a new torture on Sonic…

Sonic: What are you going to do to me?

Jack: I've been thinking of a new, creative way to exploit your fear of water…so we're sending you to the world's biggest waterpark!

Jill: What? But there's hundreds of water parks that claim to be the biggest in the world!

Jack: I know…so we're sending him to ALL OF THEM!

Sonic: NOOOOOO! (heads off stage to his "vacation")

-A couple of weeks later-

Sonic: (comes back shuddering) Let's just get to the torturing already…anything's better than THAT!

 _Woo-hoo! You got to my Halloween dare! Yay! ^^_  
 _Bella: Poor Blaze._  
 _Me: Ah, whadda you care? Anyway, more dares! Yay! (But please, save all these for Valentine's Day.):_  
 _Have Amy give Sonic a homemade valentine, then let him thank her for it then eat it without any second thoughts. Then let her go off crying, then she feels so angry that she kisses Eggman and forces him into the closet to make him jealous. (There. Ya happy, Egghead? You finally get to be in the closet. *shudders* What the hell have I done?)_  
 _Blaze: Burn a town in the shape of a heart and show it to Silver. Then proceed with making out with him. (Screw you, Sonaze, Shadaze, Silvamy fans!)_  
 _Vector: Prepare to be the lead in Juno alongside Vanilla! (That's a scarry thought...)_  
 _Jill: *motions towards Knuckles* For the rest of the chapter, he's all yours._  
 _Jet: You get some "alone-time" with Wave, if you catch my drift._  
 _Now for some love questions:_  
 _Sonic: Do you really love Amy? 'Cause I swear it's all just for show._  
 _Rouge: Knuckles or Shadow? (Pick or your head will explode.)_  
 _Chaos: Why couldn't you swallow Tikal in the Halloween apple-bobbing thing? Is it because you're in l-o-v-e?_  
 _Vector: I don't get it. You're a crocodile yet you have a crush on a rabbit? And not just any rabbit, but Cream's mother! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!_  
 _Tails: Cosmo or Cream? (Yes, you must pick, or else your head will explode, just like Rouge's.)_  
 _Froggy: Why would you want to have sex with Rouge?!_  
 _Knuckles: What do you see in Rouge? Seriously, couldn't you pick someone whose not a flirty **, like Tikal?_  
 _Wave: Is it true that you have a crush on... Falco Lombardi from Star Fox?_  
 _Amy: Are you a bisexual? It seems to me that you could pull it off._  
 _-Cartoonatic55_

Jack: (rolling on floor laughing) This review is funny!

Amy: (hands over Valentine) What do you say?

Sonic: (swallows chocolate, throws it away) Where's some more, damn it?

Amy: You heartless bastard! (runs off crying)

Jill: And now the OOCing gets really weird…

Amy: For payback, I'm having sex with the first guy I can! (drags Eggman into closet)

Jack: UGH…(shudders) I think Rule 34 applies here…(If you don't know what Rule 34 is…you don't want to know. I know that you'll look it up anyways, no matter what I say, but you'll regret knowing it once you do!)

Blaze: Destruction? I don't know…

Jack: Don't think about it, DO IT! (injects Blaze with steroids…extra-raged!)

Blaze: RAWR! BLAZE SMASH! (light town on fire, makes it into heart)

Jill: (sighs) How romantic…

Silver: You did this for me? Umm…

Blaze: (points at Silver) If you ever, EVER cheat on me, I swear I'll kill you before morning!

Jack: Oh (bleep), Silver! Blaze is now one of those crazy stalker chicks!

Silver: What do I do?

Jack: I don't know…even the tightest of restraining orders probably won't hold Blaze!

Silver: (sighs) I'm screwed…(gets grabbed by Blaze, forced into makeout session)

Vector: What? But she's not even pregnant!

Jack: You're doing the movie anyways! (sends them to Juno set)

Knuckles: (twirls around dreadlocks) What are we doing next?

Jill: (notices dreadlock-twirling) KAWAII! (that means "cute")

Knuckles: WHAT? I'm not "cute"!

Jill: (glomps Knuckles) YES YOU ARE!

Knuckles: (gasp) Stop...it…now!

Jet: Yes! I finally get to score…with a chick!

Wave: Like, let's totally get moving! I, like, am so excited! OH, MY GOSH!

Jack:…Yeah. Just shut up and do it already!

Jet: (heads into another closet with Wave)

Sonic: Mostly…I'm more scared than I am attracted to her! Have you seen how many times she's raped me in this?

Rouge: Well-

Fan girls: (screaming, fighting)

Rouge: Basically, I'll (bleep) whatever guy is closest to me at anytime! (head still explodes)

Jill: WHORE!

Jack: Interesting…(revives Rouge, notes to stay closer to Rouge from there on)

Chaos: No! I just thought she was more useful for protecting the Chao!

Jack: That's bullcrap!

Jill: Yeah!

Chaos: Shut up!

Vector: (comes back from set) Ummm…(sobs)

Jack: (pats Vector's back) There, there…I know, you can't resist her because she's a milf!

Vanilla: (gives Jack the finger)

Jack: Do that one more time and I'll consider using your foot as a good luck charm!

Vanilla: (silence)

Tails: Why should I choose one? I want BOTH! (head still explodes)

Cream and Cosmo: (start dueling with chainsaws)

Jack: Wow...this Tails/Cream and Tails/Cosmo thing is getting as violent as the rivalry between those two chicks from the visual novel School Days!

Froggy: Ribbit! (Umm…)

Rouge: Who wouldn't want to have sex with me?

Jill: Someone who didn't want to get an STD?

Rouge: (glares)

Jack: Ugh…let's get away from the Rule 34 mentality here…

Knuckles: It's obvious! SHE'S HOT!

Jack: One word: BOOBS!

Wave: (heads out of closet) That was, like, totally fun! I, like, really liked it! YAH!

Jack: (laughing at question) Answer it!

Wave: Oh, my gosh, like, that's totally not true! Who is this guy?

Jill: (holds up picture)

Wave: Ummm…ugh! He, like, has too many fashion problems! Like, that handsome, rugged face and totally hot body-OH MY GOSH I WANT HIM!

Jack: Let's just get to Amy's question…if I have to hear Wave talk again, my ears will probably die on me!

Amy: (heads out of closet) I don't need women! I can get plenty of guys!

Jack: (coughs) Yeah right!

Amy: Quiet, you!

 _WOOT!_  
 _Alrighty then! COME! CUPID MY SLAVE!_  
 _Shadow, you now love silver with a passion._  
 _Rouge, you now love Tikal with a passion._  
 _Sonic, you now love Amy with a passion._  
 _Amy, you now like it in the **._  
 _Knuckles, there's a hole in the Master Emerald. You're welcome._  
 _Chaotix: You must all fall in love with each other._  
 _Blaze... You get to fall in love with my slave, cupid!Cupid, you must let her do anything she wants to ya_  
 _Tails, you get Cosmo for the rest of the chapter and next._  
 _Cream: INCEST! you fall in mad love with Vanilla!_  
 _Cheese: You and chaos, closet time._  
 _God i love doing these things..._  
 _-IsaacGaretMia_

Jack: Where's Cupid at? (arrows start shooting at all in above review

Shadow: (hit) Oh, you mother-WHOA! (points at Silver) Who's that hot chick?

Silver: I'm not a girl!

Shadow: Bull(bleep)! (chases after a screaming Silver)

Rouge: (gets hit, then approaches Tikal grinning) For a guy, you look like a virgin! Can I help you with that?

Tikal: (runs off screaming)

Sonic: (carries Amy into closet romantically)

Amy: Let's try something else…

Jack: Eww…

Knuckles: (hugs Master Emerald) This is the best Valentine's Day present ever!

Jill: Ummm…I don't think there is such a thing as Valentine's Day pres-

Jack: Shh! The less he knows, the funnier it is!

Knuckles: (takes Emerald into another closet)

Jack: This chapter has been getting weirder yet funnier at the same time!

Espio: (hit) After this, I'm killing that bastard Cupid-OH BABY! (approaches Charmy and Vector)

Blaze: I'm so pissed right now…WHY AM I IN LOVE, DAMN IT?! (starts making out with Cupid)

Tails: (revived) Well, I've got to sleep with someone…(heads into another closet with Cosmo)

Vanilla: (starts running from Cream) My daughter's gone insane! Help!

Chaos: (kicks out Knuckles, heads in with Cheese)

-Later-

Jack: I'm going to need to see a therapist after seeing all of the insanity that just occurred!

Jill: Me too! (high-fives Jack)

 _Valentines day huh? Muhahahahaha! Lets do some evil stuff!_  
 _Sonic: Make out with Amy and Blaze, and while he is still in pleasure switch them with Big!_  
 _Silver: Watch Sonics dare, ALL of it._  
 _Mephilies: Make out with Elise, then turn into solarius and do it again!_  
 _Knuckles: Do it with Rouge and Jill in a 3some!_  
 _Tails: Make a mushy valentines card and put it where Cosmo and Cream can see it._  
 _Cosmo/Cream: Theres a valentines card from Tails, FIGHT TO THE DEATH! *Gives Cosmo axe and Cream a longsword*_  
 _Jack: What? you think i would skip you? Make out with Amy and Wave, If you go through it without author powers or Vomit, Rouge is your reward!_  
 _Who knew valentines day could be so cruel? I did! muhahahahahahaha!_  
 _-Bolt the Wolf_

Sonic: Aw yes! (starts makeout session)

Silver: Why does he get all of the girls? (starts crying)

Big: (gets switched in)

Silver: (starts laughing while Sonic throws up)

Mephiles: (grabs Elise) I'm going to regret this…(starts makeout session)

Everyone: (looks away from the horror)

Mephiles: (turns into Solaris)

Elise: How the hell am I supposed to makeout with that?

Jill: I don't know, you figure it out! (shoves her into parallel dimension with Solaris)

Knuckles: Yay! It'll be just like college…

Jack: You never went to college! At least, not outside of this fic…

Knuckles: Shut up! (grabs Rouge and Jill, runs off crying)

Tails: Hmmm…(starts writing) Whoever takes this, I think you're hot and I want you to take over the world with me…Yeah, that's a good message! (throws card in the middle)

Cream: (picks up axe) This is a downgrade from chainsaws…

Cosmo: (picks up sword) I don't care! (continues fight)

Jack: Damn! I can handle Wave if I wear earplugs, but Amy…

Jill: (comes back from three-some) You have to choose!

Jack: I…screw it all, I'll just sleep with Rouge later!

 _Okay, i haven't done a review in a while, espically not a truth or dare fiction but here goes:_  
 _Jet: lay an egg_  
 _Amy: (snickers.) in the archie comics you used a wishing stone to change from an 8 year old to a 12 year old... undue that wish_  
 _Jack:, truth:... what exactly have you done with all those babies the sonic crew have been having?_  
 _Jack, truth again: since Jill your OC and is a part of yourself does that mean your also knuckles fanboy then as well? sorry, i just had to ask._  
 _Shadow: dresses for your have been done to death so... wear a big frilly tutu while parading around gun headquaters_  
 _Charmy, vector and espio: relieve the scene from sonic hero's where you get chased by a giant alligator in white jungle. only this time they all fall in (weither or not vector is eaten is up to you, jack.)_  
 _silver: take a whizz on the sol emeralds_  
 _hmm... so you want valentine dares then, eh? i've got an idea for one._  
 _cream and cosmo: this fangirl war has been going on for long enough, but i'm not going to try and end, oh no. wouldn't work for one thing. let's make this a proper love triangle. you two are now in love with each other. and tails as well I guess. oh, and this can't be taken back by a reviewer or anything else. yay, i made a rabit and plant fall in love with each other._  
 _well, i guess that's enough from me for now._  
 _-Lightning Master_

Jet: (bleep) NO! I'm not a chicken!

Jack: If you don't, we'll make you into one…and sell you to a fast-food restaurant!

Fast-food restaurant CEOs: (walk onto stage like zombies) Profits….profits…. PROFITS!

Jet: (looks at CEOs, then gulps) Okay, fine! (lets yaoi fan girls take him)

Amy: Damn it…I like being 12!

Jack: Umm, actually…

-Before Chapter One-

Shadow: I hate this place! The show hasn't even started yet and it already bores me!

Jack: Too bad! When you signed your contract with SEGA, that meant you were automatically required to be on this show!

Jill: Besides, I don't think you'll find it boring after too long…

Shadow: (walks off grumbling) Stupid show…it probably won't last too long!

Sonic: So true! It'll definitely NEVER become a popular Sonic fic…

Amy: Hey, where's some snacks?

Charmy: Yeah, I'm hungry!

Jack: Here, take these! (hands them brownies)

Amy and Charmy: (walk off eating brownies0

Jill: What did you do with the brownies?

Jack: I loaded them with TONS of growth hormones!

-Out of flashback-

Jack: And that is how Sonic is bad at predicting the future…oh, and how Amy and Charmy got loaded with tons of growth hormones before the show!

Charmy: That would explain why I grew a mustache in one week…

Amy: So how old am I?

Jack: I'd say you've both been in your late teens this whole fic!

Jill: Well, let's just get to the dare! You shall be 8 for the rest of the chapter…which isn't that much!

Amy: But I like being a teen-

Jack: AUTHOR POWERS, you stupid fan girl!

Amy: (turns 8) You jerks!

Jack: To your first question…WATCH THE MOVIE JUNO! To the second question…there's no (bleep)ing way I'd be a fan boy of that idiot!

Knuckles: (sobs)

Jack: And Jill is based off of my girlfriend, who helps me write this fic! And the Knuckles fan girl part of her is based off of a girlfriend I had last fall, who was a Knuckles fan girl!

Jill: Wow…that was quite an explanation!

Shadow: (reads dare)…No!

Jack: Do it or else I'll cancel the next Linkin Park concert!

Shadow: (jaw gapes) YOU WOULDN'T! I WOULD DIE WITHOUT THEM!

Jill: (hands over tutu) You have to do this! Otherwise you won't be able to listen to your favorite emo band!

Shadow: (grumbles while putting on tutu) Bastards…how dare you threaten Linkin Park!

-At GUN headquarters-

Workers: (have the biggest laugh in their whole work experience)

Shadow: Stop taking pictures, damn it!

Rouge: (still taking pictures) Sorry, but I've got to let our field agents see this!

Shadow: (looks around at everyone laughing, then goes into fetal position) Maria!

Jill: (sends the Chaotix on a jungle expedition)

Espio: (sighs) Not this (bleep) again…

Alligator: (storms out, starts chasing them)

All 3: (fall in)

Vector: Charmy, this is all your fault!

Charmy: What did I do?

Espio: What DIDN'T you do?

Alligator: (eats all three)

-Back on stage-

Silver: (going on the Sol Emeralds)

Blaze: (gasps) WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Silver: Umm…just marking my territory?

Blaze: More like making a death wish! (tackles Silver, beats him up)

Cosmo and Cream: (have weapons at each other's necks)

Cream: I was part of the Sonic series long before you!

Cosmo: Well, at least I got to kiss him in the show!

Jill: Hey! Look over here! I'm holding the secret to winning Tails' heart!

Both: (look at Jill)

Jill: (hypnotizes them both)

Tails: Yes! Fox boy is getting it on tonight! (heads into closet with both)

Jack: Alright…now we can go through our tons of more Valentines reviews in upcoming chapters! I'm going to be gone all weekend, so we're trying to get as much done now as we can!

New recommendation! There's another Abridged Series I saw recently that I found really funny…it's called Zelda: The Abridged Series by adamwestslapdog! It teases Ocarina of Time, and it's definitely a Youtube classic! Watch it!


	57. Many allsomes

Many allsomes

Jack: Now for the continuation of Valentine's Day! But first, we noticed a really funny question presented on one of those list fics…if you choke Sonic, what color does he turn?

Jill: That is an interesting question…

Jack: (pulls out a rope) Well, there's only one way to find out…

Sonic: AHHHHHHHHH! (runs off screaming into the night)

Jill: Oh well…he'll be back!

 _Valenines...wow, so much reviews..._  
 _Time to disturb the minds of your loyal reviewers!_  
 _But first...Big, the Babylon Rouges, and Elise, nobody likes you, go die. Now. Until this review is done being enacted._  
 _Sonic- Your lucky pair is with...wait...better idea. I'll tourture you psychologically...you must remain totally still while Amy, Blaze, and screw it, anybody else teases you in such a way that you'll go insane. If you move, you'll be raped by Shadow and Tails._  
 _Tails- Cream, Cosmo, and lucky guest Marine, will all have fun with you at once. Yes this rewards you for being awesome. Let them all momentarily forget their inherent hatred of each other. Yes the fangirls will be seriously ticked._  
 _Knuckles- Jill, Rouge, and Tikal (of course) all go at you at once. Think fast! If you don't Chaos joins in and, well, we all know how that will turn out._  
 _Shadow- Rouge. And mabye a gun, for comedic effect._  
 _Charmy- Mwahahaha. You, just because I want you to be scared for life, are thrown (along with tails) into the Tails x Charmy fangirls. Also, you may not commit suicide or be killed. Because I made that mistake in Super Dragons fic._  
 _Cream and Cosmo- After you're done with Tails, you (wether you want to or not, this is why we have brainwashing) must go into the closet and have fun until you both squeal. Yes I said squeal. Tails will be listening (I won't even make him, I just know he will be)._  
 _Jack- You need a reward for all this hard work. I mean, you won't even get to this review for like 4 months! That's why I give you the gift of all of the girls. Choose any and all._  
 _Jill- Pst. After Rouge and Tikal are gone, you get Knuckles. Squee about it later._  
 _-Sonic on the Rocks_

Big: Uhhh…what do we do?

Jack: Just all of you stand in a line facing me…NOW SAY YOUR PRAYERS! (pulls out machine gun, makes even Tails cringe at the massacre that unfolds)

Sonic: (runs back on stage)

Jack: (wraps rope around Sonic's neck) Perfect timing!

Sonic: (choking) Tell Amy…that she creeps me out! Seriously…

Jill: Holy (bleep), he's turning red! And green! IT'S CHRISTMAS AGAIN! (starts celebrating)

Sonic: (dies)

Jack: (revives Sonic) Now the main character shall face more torture!

Jill: (hypnotizes Shadow and Tails) If you move at all, they'll see a naked Angelina Jolie in your place!

Sonic: (bleep)! Must…resist distractions!

Amy: Hey Sonic! I know you want me!

Sonic:…Now I'm less inclined to move!

Blaze: If you move, you'll get to see me topless!

Sonic: No thanks! They're…not that big!

Blaze: WELL, (bleep) YOU! (punches Sonic)

Sonic: (falls to ground, gets dragged into closet by Tails, Shadow, and a bunch of watching yaoi fan girls)

Tails: Again? But this time with Marine? SWEET! (heads into another closet)

Jack: A FOURSOME?! Wow…Tails is a true playa!

Knuckles: He's not the only one getting a foursome…(heads into another closet with Jill, Rouge, and Tikal)

Tikal: I'm not so sure about this…(gets dragged in by Knuckles)

-Later-

Shadow: I'll choose…Sammy! (grabs a random gun, heads into closet with Rouge)

Jack: Wait for it…wait for it…(a shot is heard)

Shadow: (runs out of closet) AHHHHH! SAMMY! HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME?!

Rouge: (rolls eyes) Maybe's Sammy cheating on you…

Shadow: (looks at gun with disbelief) ARE YOU?! (starts shaking gun) Tell me, you two-timing whore!

Jill: I think that more describes his other partner…

Rouge: (glares at Jill)

Tails: Who do I get laid with next?

Jack: Your former enemy! (throws Tails and Charmy into fan girls)

TailsCharmy fan girls: (fulfill their wet dreams)

Yuri fan boys: (take Cream and Cosmo into closet)

Tails: (climbs out of fan pit exhausted) Wow…even after all of this sex, I'm STILL horny! (heads to closet door)

Jill: Stop being a pervert, Tails!

Jack: Yeah! Now excuse me while I do ALL of the chicks…HOORAY FOR ALLSOMES!

Jill: WHILE I'M GETTING- (looks around suspiciously, then "disappears" with Knuckles into a closet)

Jack: Let's just go already, ladies…(goes into another closet, creates a party with the ladies)

-Even later-

Jill: I'm scared of the length of this next review…

 _You Sonic characters luck out this time. I'll be taking a brief break from hunting you all down... SO THAT I CAN FORCE YOU ALL TO DO VALENTINE'S DARES! TIME FOR SOME RIDICULOUS PAIRINGS!_  
 _Silver: Your valentine is... Nightmare Blaze! Do it now! No paper bag!_  
 _Blaze: I am your valentine! You must do it with me after you're no longer Nightmare Blaze! I'll never get tired of this!_  
 _Tails: Need I even say it? Get into the closet with Cosmo!_  
 _Cosmo: Sleep with Tails as much as you can for the rest of the chapter._  
 _Mephiles: You get no one because nobody likes you. I want you to go hang yourself in the front yard of whoever you wanted to be your valentine._  
 _Chaotix: You all get eachother since you're one big dysfunctional family! Go have fun in the closet!_  
 _Froggy: Make a valentine out to Big telling him you would like to be used as bait when he goes fishing for piranhas._  
 _Big: Obey whatever Froggy asks you to do on his valentine._  
 _Tikal: Since this is Valentine's day, you must be valentines with Rouge and Jill. Now play nicely in the closet you three._  
 _Omega: You get to be Gamma's valentine. Go into the closet with Gamma._  
 _Gamma: Um... Do it again!_  
 _Metal Sonic: It seems only fitting that you_  
 _Jet: Do it with Sonic and be his valentine. I want you to write a truly mushy poem for him and read it to everyone!_  
 _Wave: You also get no one because you're such a BITC H! Go kill yourself._  
 _Knuckles: You get to go on a date with the Master Emerald._  
 _Rouge: You get to be EVERYONE'S valentine! Go into the closet with each person, ladies included._  
 _Shadow: You can have your guns be your valentines! Go sleep with all of them! (Don't tell him that I loaded all his guns) (Excuse me while I flee to the border)_  
 _Sonic: You get to be Shadow's valentine! Go have fun in the closet!_  
 _Amy: You get... Gamma since you liked him so much in Sonic Adventure! Now sleep with him!_  
 _Chaos: You must sleep with Tikal and the ENTIRE ECHIDNA TRIBE!_  
 _Eggman: Since you're so fat, you must write out valentines to EVERYONE you know. You must also sign them "Love, **"._  
 _Jill: You get to be Knuckles' valentine! Of course, so does Tikal and Rouge... Oh well, you three work it out!_  
 _Jack: Congratulations, Rouge is your valentine for the entire chapter. Go have some fun with her. Alot. I'm not kidding. You two must do it more times than she's done in her LIFE! This could be a while._  
 _Everyone: Be valentines with your worst enemy and then do it in the closet with them!_  
 _Who says Valentine's Day can't be tortuous!? (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jack: That was a page and a half long on Microsoft Word! We would've done two other Valentines reviews this chapter…but this was too long! They'll be next chapter with a couple others!

Silver: NOOOOOO!(gets dragged into closet by a disfigured Blaze)

Jack: NO PAPER BAG?! That even makes me recoil…

Cosmo: (rolls eyes) Like I didn't see that coming…(heads into closet with Tails)

Mephiles: I don't have a valentine.

Jill: Shut up! We all know you're secretly in love with Iblis!

Mephiles: No I'm not! I'm his other half!

Jack: Even more proof! Now go hang yourself in the future! (creates time portal, sends Mephiles through)

Blaze: (heads out of closet looking normal) Those fan boys always want more…(heads to Super Dragon's fic)

Silver: (fetal position in closet) Must…wipe…from…memory…

Espio: (sighs) Why does everyone pair me up with those idiots?

Vector: HEY!

Yaoi fan girls: (take the Chaotix into another closet)

Froggy: (writing Valentine) Ribbit! (Translation: This is insane!)

Big: (pick up Valentine) Really, Froggy? YAAAAAY! Valentine's fishing trip time! (drags off Froggy)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: (screams that should never be heard by mankind))

Jill: RAWR! (starts up another fight cloud with Rouge and Jill)

Omega and Gamma: (head into closet)

Gamma: What do we do.

Omega: Cannot calculate.

Jack: (turns to Eggman) You forgot to program them with sex!

Eggman: Of course not! They aren't sex bots!

Jill: (gets out of fight cloud) Well, that dare didn't work…and it's all Eggman's fault!

Jack: And since we can't tell what the review wants Metal Sonic to do, we'll just do what we think Super Dragon would've wanted…(shoots Metal Sonic)

Jill: (points to Jet) Get him, yaoi fan girls!

Yaoi fan girls: (force Jet to write poem at gunpoint, then drag him into closet with Sonic)

-Yet even later-

Jet: (reading poem) I…(looks nervously at yaoi fan girls with guns) love Sonic because he is…sexy and…I CAN'T DO IT! (gets shot)

Wave: Like, he totally cheated on me! Oh, my gosh! I'm ending this! (stabs self)

Knuckles: Dating? Alright…(heads out to a nearby café with Master Emerald in hand)

Rouge: (ends fighting) Everyone? Wow…my dream's come true!

Jill: COME ON! I'm tired of this sex with her!

Jack: Let's get to Shadow's first…

Shadow: Who do I take first? Hmm…Delilah! (grabs one gun, takes it into closet)(BAM) AHHHH! You're cheating on me, too?

Jack:…That's going to take a while! While Shadow tries each gun in his closet, Rouge will do everyone in another!

-Yet even more later-

Sonic: His valentine? Oh no…

Yaoi fan girls: YAY! (grab Sonic, take him into Shadow's closet)

Shadow: Ow…the guns have already hurt me enough! DON'T MAKE ME SLEEP WITH HIM TOO! AH!

Amy: I have to do someone now?

Jill: A robot! (injects Amy with hormones, throws her and Gamma into another closet)

Amy: I…need…SOMETHING!

Gamma: What are you doing. Stop. Oh no.

Jack:…That's the most dull voice I've ever heard for sex!

Jill: How is she even having sex with him?…You know what, I don't even want to know!

Chaos: I'm a pimp now also? Great…(heads to echidna tribe with Tikal, causes a sex holiday from then on due to the events of that day)

Eggman: (hands out valentines)

Jack: I'm not even going to read it…except for the signature! (laughs)

Jill: GAH! I'm his valentine, Rouge is his valentine, all three are his valentine…every review seems to be conflicting each other in this!

Jack: (eyes widen)

Jill: Jack…are you okay?

Jack: I'm simultaneously feeling infinite joy and infinite fear inside!

Sonic: (runs out of closet) Calm down, man…

Jack: Well, I guess I have to…(sighs) My legs are never going to feel the same again! How many times have you had sex?

Rouge: Ugh…does that include the 69ing, the experiments, the date rapes, etc.?

Jack: Ummm…I guess.

Rouge:…We're going to be in there a LONG time!

Jack: Well, I guess we have to start sometime…(heads into closet)

Jill: (reads next dare) Wow…Eggman's going to get very lucky!

Eggman: ME?! HAHA! Now the might and ego of the Eggman Empire can show itself…with me having sex with everyone!

Yaoi fan girls: (take Eggman into a closet after kicking out Gamma and Amy, start taking in everyone)

-Yet even much more later-

Jill: (takes a cold shower, burns clothing and changes clothes) Well, everyone's done Eggman! But Jack's still in a closet with Rouge…WHAT A SLUT!

Now I'm going to be gone for the weekend…it's going to suck!


	58. Romance movie ripoffs!

Romance movie ripoffs!

Now that I've done a ton of stuff, I think I might as well update…

Jack: (finally heads out of closet) Ow, my groin…ow, my groin…

Jill: (sets Jack down on a chair) How are you feeling?

Jack: I can't believe I don't feel like having sex this chapter! I didn't know I ever had a limit! Today…we're going through the rest of the Valentine's reviews submitted back when we requested. The rest shall be done in the next couple of chapters!

Jill: Don't worry…this will get funnier as it goes along!

 _have Sonic fall in love with falls in love with Sonic and is cured of fangirlness_  
 _Tails and Cosmo do the same as Sonic and Amy_  
 _Knuckles and Rouge same as Sonic and Amy_  
 _Shadow and Cream same as above_  
 _Tikal and Chaos see above_  
 _Jack and Jill see above Jill is cured of fangirlness for is cured of fanboyness for Rouge_  
 _this will continue until the end of this chapter_  
 _Happy Vallentines Day!_  
 _-Jess the Cheetah_

Jack: COME ON! Where's some comedy? (gets hypnotized by Jill) Awww…so cute!

Shadow: (gasps) Did I just hear him say the word cute? The world is surely ending!

Jill: This is going to take a lot of hypnosis to do…

Amy: I don't NEED to be hypnotized for going after Sonic!

Sonic: That's what scares me the most about you…(gets hypnotized into going in the movie The Notebook with her)

Jack: What romance movie should we rip-off next for Tails and Cosmo?

Jill: (sends Tails and Cosmo into Love Actually)

Jack: Creative! I have an idea for what love story to do next…(sends Knuckles and Rouge into the movie Titanic)

Jill: WHAT?! Why are you sending them into that movie?

Jack: The main characters fall in love, don't they?

Jill: BUT IT ENDS TRAGICALLY!

Jack: Oh…(switches them out of Titanic, into Breakfast at Tiffany's)

Jill: Don't put them in THERE either! We'll lose our entire Asian audience from Mickey Rooney's performance in there!

Jack: Damn, I forgot about that! (sends Rouge and Knuckles into The Crying Game)

Jill: (sighs) You're making Rouge into a secret transsexual?

Jack: (does a face palm) (bleep), I suck at this…fine, YOU choose it!

Jill: (sends Rouge and Knuckles into Forrest Gump)

Jack: THAT"S GENIUS! Those roles fit perfectly for them! (laughs)

Shadow: There's no way that I'm doing some stupid romance movie!

Cream: Yeah! I don't like that emo!

Jill: SILENCE, FOOLS! (hypnotizes them both into going into The Princess Bride)

Tikal: I'm not going out with Chaos! That's sick!

Jill: (sighs, then hypnotizes them into doing Sleepless in Seattle)

Jack: But…as long as I'm addicted to her boobs, how am I supposed to be cured of my fanboyness?

Jill: You do realize that my Knuckie and your whore are in love right now?

Jack:…Let's get back at those bastards! (heads into movie Casablanca with Jill)

-Many romance movie rip-offs later-

Rouge: (laughs) Knuckles did his role perfectly!

Knuckles: Urgh…

Jack: Let's get to some funnier stuff…

 _Hello its li'l ol' me again!_  
 _Rouge: make a valentines card for tails saying "I wuv you tails! you're so cute!"_  
 _Blaze: Tails has stolen the sol emerlalds! Get them back before its too late!_  
 _TAILS: RUN! BLAZE IS AFTER YA!_  
 _CREAM: Kill charmy THEN CLOSET TIME WITH TAILS!_  
 _-Matt the fox_

Rouge: (starts making card) I can't believe I have to write it like that…normally, my valentines would just say "You're hot. Let's do it!"

Jill: Why am I not surprised?

Tails: (receives valentine) Meh. I've got plenty of chicks already! (points to a fight cloud of Cream, Cosmo, and Marine nearby)

Blaze: Before it's too late? (shoots streams of flames in Tails' direction) Mario can kiss my ass!

Tails: (gets his tails lit on fire) AH! You shall pay, imbecile! (runs to grab weapons)

Blaze: (pursues Tails, blows his armory up with her fireballs)

Tails: NOOOO! MY WORLD DESTRUCTION PLANS! (realizes he's still on fire) AHHHHHH!

-Meanwhile-

Cream: I still have one of Tails' weapons left…(shoots Charmy with an AK-47) That makes me feel better!

Tails: (runs onto stage) HELP!

Cream: Oh, I'll help alright…(grabs Tails, takes him into closet)

-Later-

Cream: HA! TailsCream is still strong! (rejoins fight cloud)

 _Valentine's day reviews! OK, these people in the closet, one at a time, and they can't come out 'till they make love._  
 _Sonic/Amy_  
 _Jill/Knuckles_  
 _Jack/Rouge_  
 _Shadow/Metal Sonic_  
 _Cosmo/Big_  
 _Tails/Charmy_  
 _Espio/Vector_  
 _Cream/Cheese_  
 _Omega/Gamma_  
 _Tikal/Chaos_  
 _Froggy/Eggman_  
 _Super Silver/Burning Blaze_  
 _That should do it. Happy Valentine's day!_  
 _P.S:Most of this stuff I think up off the back of my head. Useless trivia._  
 _P.S.S: No offense, but Valentine's day, makes me want to vomit._  
 _P.S.S.S: VOMIT!_  
 _-Gunslinger 117_

Amy, Jack, and Jill: (instantly regain fan craziness, drag objects of desire into separate closets)

Shadow: Well, that wasn't too hard…(reads dare) I…YOU (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep)…

-Hours later-

Shadow:…with a side of (bleep)!

Jill: (summons yaoi fan girls) You'll have to anyways!

Jack: And to make things worse for you…(hands Metal Sonic a can of oil)

Metal Sonic: What is this for.

Jill:…You'll find out very soon!

Yaoi fan girls: (drag Metal Sonic and Shadow into a closet)

Jill: Hey Big…you notice how Cosmo is green? Maybe she's related to Froggy!

Big: REALLY?! A female Froggy? YAY! (grabs Cosmo, drags her into closet)

Cosmo: (shudders) I'm going to need a LOT of soap after this…

-Wow, this has been a very sex-filled Valentine's Day so far-

Yaoi fan girls: (go after Tails, Charmy, Vector, and Espio for their next targets)

Vector: AUGH! Why does everyone always think Team Chaotix is gay?

Random yaoi fan girl: It seems to be the only sensible reason as to why Espio would stay around with you two losers for so long!

Charmy: (sobs, gets taken into closet with Tails)

Tails: Damn…I thought I could get away with only doing chicks this Valentines!

Espio and Vector: (gets dragged into closet, avoid each other from then on)

Cream: Why would I do my own Chao?

Jack: Because you're a rabbit! They're supposed to breed like CRAZY! (injects Cream with tons of rabbit hormones, shoves Cream and Cheese into closet)

Omega: Our dare does not compute.

Gamma: Only remember brief time with fan girl. (explodes)

Jill: (bleep)! This doesn't seen to work…

-After the closets have emptied out, causing the Janitor to clean a HUGE mess-

Tikal: This is definitely going to make my father want to destroy everything AGAIN…(heads into closet with Chaos worried)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: You're (bleep)ing kidding me. I have to do him!)

Eggman: (throwing up) I don't even think there's a yaoi fan base for that…

Jill: Oh, trust me…NOTHING gets past Rule 34!

Eggman/Froggy fan girls(all two of them): (take Eggman and Froggy at gunpoint into closet)

Silver: More super form sex? AWESOME!

Blaze: But I still have to get the Sol Emeralds back!

Jack: Oh…hehe! (drops "mysterious package" next to Blaze)

Blaze: OMG! I'm not as bad of a guard as Knuckles, after all!

Knuckles: (glares)

Silver: (goes into closet with Blaze, gets some action that would make XXX porn fans gape their jaws in amazement)

We would've posted this earlier tonight…but we were too busy watching this year's The Soup Awards! The Soup is a HILARIOUS show…I never thought I would ever like a TV show on the E! channel!


	59. The trip to Camp Crystal Lake

The Trip to Camp Crystal Lake

YES! The site is finally running again! I've been waiting a couple of days to get this chapter up…

Sonic: (drinks so much that he's breathing fire) Are we still on this (hic) Valentine's (bleep)?

Jill: Yes…we've got a long ways to go before we get through all of those!

Jack: Yeah, but at least making Sonic drunk for this chapter is going to make things even funnier!

 _Valentines dares_  
 _I dare Chris to give Helen a valentine and go on a date with her_  
 _I dare Eggman to give every girl a valentine_  
 _After Eggman give the valentines to every girl he and Tails have to build a love robot that able to make people fall in love with them_  
 _I dare Sonic to do Amy then Amy do Elise then Elise do Sonic_  
 _I want Chip to give heart shaped Chololate to everyone_  
 _-Porky2_

Chris: (hands over a box of chocolates) Umm…let's go dating again!

Helen: (shrugs) Sure. (heads to diner with Chris)

Chris: And while we're there, we can talk more about Sonic!

Helen: (rolls eyes) Not again…

Eggman: I shall now introduce my newest creation…the Egg Valentine Maker!

Jack: (laughs) Your inventions are getting crappier and crappier by the day!

Eggman: I'm still better than Tails at inventing!

Tails: Yeah, just keep telling yourself that. (drives off on a pimped-out Segway)

Jill: (shoots tires off) Not yet! You have to make a robot version of Cupid!

Tails: (grins) With everyone loving us, we can take over the world!

Eggman: OH JOY! Let's get to work…

Sonic: I get a (hic) threesome? (wipes away tears) This is the (hic) happiest day of my life!

Amy: I'M NOT SHARING HIM WITH THAT-(gets shot with tranquilizer dart)

Shadow: (puts away gun) You're welcome!

Sonic: Why are you being so (hic) nice to me? Hmmm…OH WELL, LET'S JUST DO IT! (grabs Amy and Elise, takes them into closet) Hey…Amy's waking up…AHHHHH! What are you doing, Amy?! WHO PUT COCAINE INTO THAT DART?!

Shadow: Hehehe…

Jack: Nice job, Shadster!

Shadow: (glares) Don't call me that!

Jack: How about Shaddy?

Shadow:…No.

Jill: (grins) I have an idea! What about…Shadalicious!

Everyone: (laughing)

Shadow: (goes red in face)

Jack: (gets up from floor still laughing) That was genius! We're totally going to use that!

Shadow: Do it and die!

Jill: (shoots Shadow) We don't care what your opinion is, Shadalicious!

Chip: (uses magic to make chocolate) Umm…here you go, everyone!

Jack: PARTY TIME! (swallows chocolate instantly) What?

-After the partying-

Tails: Our invention is complete!

Eggman: Now, all we have to do is head to the next G8 meeting and-

Jack: Wait until AFTER the chapter to make your world domination plans!

Tails:…I've got dibs on Australia!

Eggman: NO! I want Australia!

Tails: There's no way I'm letting you have those awesome beaches!

Eggman: Then I'll just take over the world myself!

Tails: (laughs) How many times have you tried that now? I'M taking over the world this time! (gets into a fight with Eggman over machine, winds up destroying it)

Eggman: You fool! Now none of us are taking over the world!

Jack: (sighs) Evil geniuses just can't get along…

 _Valentines dares? What a fun and unique way to inflict pain and suffering!_  
 _Sonic: Get a fatal attraction to Amy. This will last for about 5 minutes, and then you will end up confused in the closet with Amy! (I think)_  
 _Amy: After the first dare, you like Tails now._  
 _Tails: You like Amy now. Forget Cream and Cosmo for a while._  
 _Cream: Your new love is Knuckles._  
 _Rouge: Jump into an open volcano! Woohoo for pain! After, you're Jack's._  
 _Shadow: Obviously, you get Maria. I haven't been very nice to you for quite a while, so you two can have your own closet._  
 _Cosmo: Your new love is charmy._  
 _Froggy: Your new love is Big._  
 _Now for some normal dares..._  
 _Jack: Unleash a Tails Doll on the Sonic characters! After a while, take its powers(without telling it) and throw it into the fangirl crowd!_  
 _Tails:(This is obviously after the Valentine dare.) You must be nice for 3 hours.(By "nice", I mean like in the games, as in innocent, kind, etc.) Afterwards, if you've complied, you get quintuple closet time w/your choice._  
 _Amy: You must throw Sonic to the Metriod fanboys!_  
 _-otakutails777_

Sonic: (hic) Hey, baby…(approaches Amy)

Jack: Let's look away, for the sake of our eyes…

-Later-

Sonic: (wakes up to his horror) YAHHHHHH! (runs out of closet, throws Tails into closet)

Amy: (still semiconscious) THERE you are, Sonic!

Tails: No, wait Amy! I'm not-AUGH! SOMEONE SAVE ME!

Amy: Just keep screaming like that, Sonic!

Tails: (chooses to inject self with heroin) That'll make all the bad things go away…OH YEAH! Keep going, Jennifer Aniston!

Cream: That horny son of a bitch! As long as he keeps cheating on me, I'll keep cheating on him! (kisses Knuckles)

Knuckles: (runs off screaming) I would do you normally, but I don't want to be killed in my sleep by foxboy!

Rouge: Do I have to? It's not a lot like Valentine's day…

Jill: HELL YES! (pushes Rouge into random volcano that conveniently shows up on stage)

Rouge: YOW! Stupid lava…

Shadow: Well…I guess I could use a cheer-up! (heads into a new closet with Maria)

Cosmo: Who can I do to get back at Tails? Hmmm…

Charmy: (storms onto stage) WE'RE DOING SOME MORE VALENTINE'S DAY REVIEWS?! Nobody told me…I want to get laid!

Cosmo: I've found you! (grabs Charmy, takes him into another closet)

Froggy: (gets hypnotized) Ribbit! (Translation: Big, I now honestly am fine with you using me for fishing! I won't scream this time…)

Big: REALLY?! Thanks, Froggy! Time for more fishing, then! (takes off a happy Froggy)

-Later-

Froggy: (with bite marks all over)

Charmy: (not complaining about anything anymore)

Tails: (shudders) The heroin's effects ended prematurely…WHAT'S THIS ABOUT BEING NICE?!

Jill: You have to not try taking over the world or sleeping with chicks for 3 hours.

Tails: Hmmm…I'm not doing that! With all of the sex dares so far received, I'll probably get more than quintuple closet sessions in the next 3 hours!

Jack: I guess now we should explain our policy on the Tails Doll. We know that the thing about it sucking souls is just a popular myth, and not actually pushed by SEGA…but we don't care! It's a funny rumor, and it's general knowledge amongst the Sonic fan base, so we'll use it! (throws Tails Doll at Sonic characters, runs)

Everyone: (causes the mass chaos it desires)

-Later-

Jack: (approaches Tails Doll)

Tails Doll: Yes. Another new servant. (tries sucking soul, but fails)

Jack: (grabs Tails Doll) Look, all of you fan girls, IT'S TAILS! (throws Tails Doll to fan girls)

Fan girls: CHIBI! (ignore his metallic taste)

Amy: We're throwing characters to fans now? Sweet! THIS IS FOR MAKING ME SLEEP WITH TAILS! (throws Sonic into Metroid fan boys)

Sonic: Please…NOT THE SAMUS SUIT…AUGH!

Jack: (turns away) This is almost as bad as looking directly into the sun…

 _I'm feeling brutal today..._  
 _VALENTINE BRUTALLITY_  
 _All but Eggman and Big:Naked 4 all of Valentines_  
 _Tails: closet with Cosmo_  
 _Cream: closet with Tails Doll_  
 _Shadow:closet Maria_  
 _Sonic:closet Amy_  
 _Knuckles:closet with Rouge_  
 _Silver:closet Blaze_  
 _Jet:closet with Wave_  
 _Eggman:closet with Big_  
 _Omega: closet with Gamma and Metal Sonic_  
 _Chaos:closet with Tikal and Cheese_  
 _Jack, please bring in Shade. She likes Knuckles. I know she does. (not returned, though)_  
 _See ya soon, meatbags.(insert menacing music)_  
 _-Snow Cone Klyde_

Fanboys: (cheering)

Sonic: That's right! Since all of us Sonic guys are already naked, it's the Sonic chicks that have to strip down!

Tikal: Umm…no way!

Jack: (sighs) I guess they won't take it off willingly! Let's get to the next dares automatically…

Fanboys: (booing)

Jack: (winks at fan boys, whispers to Sonic guys, then speaks up again) Now, get into the closets, all of you couples mentioned above!

Cream: I'm not going in with a robot!

Tails Doll: (takes out her soul) Obey me.

Cream: Okay…(heads into closet with Tails Doll)

Jill: Let's send in some more couples…(sends all other above-mentioned couples into other closets)

Eggman: (gets dragged with Big into a closet with yaoi fan girls) WHAT?! How do we have a yaoi fan base? AAAAAAUGH!

Jack: (shoves robots into a closet, ducks as explosions occur) I don't want to know what they're doing in there…

Jill: Wait! I thought you said the robots were incapable of sex!

Jack: True…now I'm REALLY wondering what they're doing in there!

Shade: (enters stage) I'm here now! So, this is that show that SEGA's requiring us to do?

Jack: Yes. For now, just clean up a bit by heading over to the showers!

Shade: Umm…I just showered before coming here!

Jack: (mutters) Damn. (speaks up) Just shower anyways!

Shade: O…K. (heads off) 

-Later-

Guys: (run out of closet after sex, throws girls' clothes into a nearby incinerator)

Jill: So that was your plan!

Fan boys: (praise Jack again)

Shade's voice from a distance: WHO STOLE MY (bleep)ING CLOTHES AND TOWEL?!

Jack: Hehe…(throws Shade's clothes and towel into incinerator)

Amy's voice from a closet: We're not coming out until we get our clothes back!

Jack: That won't work with us! (teleports all Sonic girls onto center of stage)

Fan boys: (taking pictures, memorizing the day)

Wave: This, like, feels totally uncomfortable!

Shade: Now I see why everyone fears this show…

Jack: Quiet, everyone! Let's continue with another review…

 _I am irritated that you didn't include Friday the 13th on this chapter, so turn back time to Friday the Thirteenth!_  
 _All: Get slaughtered by Jason (with the help of Tails Doll) *you knew this was coming*_  
 _Sonic: Your birthday is on Friday the Thirteenth! You get immense bad luck! (He shall be hit with 20 ton anvil, and still be alive, torture him in the worst way you know how)_  
 _Amy: Have dreams that every boy is married and has 20 kids. (And you're still single.)_  
 _Rouge: Get caught by the police (when they're not wearing clothes...you get the idea)_  
 _Knuckles: YOU SHALL NOT PASS! (Make Knuckles fall down the never ending pit like they did in 300)_  
 _Shadow: Dream that you had no guns, Maria cheated on you, Rouge *obviously* cheated on you, and even SAMMY cheated on you!_  
 _-Dragonlord Pwns All_

Jack: First, the quote "You shall not pass" is from Lord of the Rings! Second, getting a Friday the Thirteenth chapter in didn't seem that necessary…besides, there's another one next month!

Jill: Oh well…(uses Time-Turner from Harry Potter, sends everyone back a day)

-At Camp Crystal Lake-

Jack: Cosmo, use Sleep Powder on Shadow and Amy!

Cosmo: (glares) Just because a fanfic said I look like a Pokemon doesn't mean I can be ordered to do things like that! (suddenly sprays Shadow and Amy with Sleep Powder) DON'T SAY ANYTHING!

Amy: (pouting in sleep) I'm too hot to be single…

Shadow: (suddenly sleepwalks) FINE! If you're cheating on me, then I'll cheat on you! (starts humping a nearby tree)

Jack: (throws up) And the killings haven't even started yet!

Sonic: What killings?

Jill: Forget what he said…WHERE'S KNUCKIE?!

-Meanwhile-

Knuckles: (walks by the never-ending pit (Camp Crystal Lake's most popular attraction!)) I FEEL GREAT! After all, when has splitting up from the group ever killed anyone?

Jason: (steps out from woods)

Knuckles: Hi, Mr. Crazy Guy! Do you want to be my friend-AH! (gets shoved into pit)

-Meanwhile-

Sonic: Okay, we need to stick together!

Tails: I'm going to look for a party! (runs off)

Rouge: I'm going to find some treasure! (flies off)

Tails Doll: I am going to…go off and definitely not betray all of you. (disappears)

Espio:…All of you annoy me. (walks off)

Everyone else: (makes up similar excuses, runs off)

Sonic: AW, COME ON! (gets suddenly hit by an anvil from above) Owww…

Jack: Damn! There was nothing to damage in that head! (grabs Sonic) Oh well…at least I can torture you still!

-Later-

Rouge: (goes to side of road) Damn…maybe there isn't any treasure here! (police lights suddenly flash)

Policeman 1: Looks like we have some naked woman out here…WHOA!

Policeman 2: Wow…that chick is hot!

Policeman 1: Do you think that maybe we can "bargain" with her so she doesn't get arrested?

Policeman 2: That sounds kind of corrupt…but then again, SHE'S HOT! (approaches Rouge with Policeman 1)

Policeman 1: (handcuffs Rouge) Now, if you don't want to spend tonight in jail-

Rouge: I already know the deal! Do you honestly think this is the first time I've slept with someone to get out of being arrested?

Policeman 2: SUCCESS!

-Meanwhile-

Jason: (easily slays Shadow and Amy while they're still sleeping)

Espio: (runs onto scene) HA! I thought this was going to turn into a horror movie! (pulls out tons of weapons) That's why I'm prepared! (suddenly gets stabbed from behind)

Tails Doll: (withdraws knife from Espio) Sucker.

-Meanwhile-

Jack: (out in middle of lake on a boat, with Sonic as the motor) Swim faster, you idiot! (pulls on rope around Sonic's neck)

Sonic: (tries to swim, but sinks again) GAH!

Jack: (whips Sonic) Keep going! I want you to keep swimming us around and around on the lake! WHEE!

-Meanwhile-

Marine: Oy, can ya wait a sec! I've got an idea!

Tails: Umm…what?

Marine: Ya see…I hate being alone and naked in the woods like this! Le's have hot sex in that cabin ova there!

Tails: Hmmm…well, I guess this is in NO WAY teasing the Crystal Lake Camp Counselors that can't hold off for a few seconds without having sex! 9heads into cabin with Marine)

-After a steamy few minutes that pisses off many TailsCream and TailsCosmo fans-

Marine: Crikey! When did ya decide to wear that hockey mask?

Tails: Umm...I'm not wearing a hockey mask!

Both: (scream as they are killed)

-On the road-

Jason: (approaches police car, which is very steamed up from inside) Mmmph! (opens car door)

Rouge: Hey…do you wanna join?

Policeman 1: A foursome? COOL! (high-fives Policeman 2)

Jason: Mmph! (kills all three)

-On the lake, many deaths later-

Jack: Is that Jill I see on the beach? Crying for…kelp? Melp? What the hell is melp? Is she saying…lelp?

Jill: (gets stabbed from behind)

Jack: OH! She was saying HELP! Yay, I figured it out…oh wait! (bleep)! Get moving, Sonic!

Sonic: (floating dead)

Jack: Stupid hedgehogs…you suck at pulling! I'm never using you as a horse again!

Jason: (leaps out of water onto boat)

Jack: AUGH!…I mean, OH BOY! Jason, my number 1 idol! (bowing at Jason's feet, sweating profusely)

Jason: Mmph?

Tails Doll: No. I will not let you steal my spot. (gets into an epic battle with Jack)

Jack: Ha! You are no match for my Author Powers!

Tails Doll: (points to beach) Look. Naked Rouge.

Jack: (turns around) BOOBIES-(gets stabbed)

Tails Doll: They are all so easy to kill. (gets thrown by Jason into water) So am I. (causes giant electric shock, dies)

Jason: (heads back underwater, happy about the finished job)

Jack: (gets up) Ha! That shockwave revived me!

Sonic: Me too!

Jack: Quiet, you!

-Back on stage, after a massive revival-

Jill: I can't believe it…only three more Valentine's reviews left to do!

Shadow: (still in fetal position) There's no ladies for me…NONE!

Jack: Wow, that dream thing actually worked! (points to Amy, who's also in fetal position)

Amy: No place…for a fan girl!

Jack: This was a fun chapter!

To all Sonic fans…spread that new vocabulary word around: Shadalicious! I came up with this out of my head while thinking of names to taunt Shadow with! And my other announcement is…please review for Chapter 5 of my parody! I'm sure I would've gotten more reviews for it if FanFiction hadn't had that crash in the past couple of days…and I really want to know what jokes stuck out more than others in that chapter!


	60. Many pop culture references ahead

Many pop culture references ahead

This is the final Valentines chapter! I can't believe we finally finished that!

Sonic: Guess what? I just received my first (bleep)job!

Jack: (pats Sonic's back) Nice, man!

Sonic:…From Shadow!

Everyone: (laughing)

Shadow: Grrr…(beats the crap out of Sonic)

Sonic: OW! Alright! Fine, I admit I didn't get a (bleep)job! OW! You can stop beating me up now!

Jack: Hmmm…(writing in a notebook)

Tails: What's that?

Jack: Oh, just my Death Note.

Jill: WHAT?! How did you get one?

Jack: I don't mean an actual Death Note…I just call it that because what I write down there will eventually torture the Sonic characters in my fics…and it's also a black notebook! You see, this used to be my history notebook…but then I learned that my history class didn't require a lot of notes, so I instead use this to write down ideas for this fic and my parody!

Jill: So you basically use it to remember jokes! Nice…

Sonic: (gulps) What did you just write down?

Jack: Just an idea to get Shadow to suffer some more…

Shadow: (glares)

 _Hey, it's me again with anouther valentines review as it's still saturday._  
 _Cream/Cosmo/tails: uhh... while I did only just do this last review I realized I forgot to add something else so here we go again. you are in love with each other permanently for the rest of this story and no reviewer or the author can take that away... hopefully._  
 _now onto the real reasons that I reviewed... this is going to be good:_  
 _Shadow: (hands him a cape) for the rest of this chapter you shall be called Stuperman! watch out for flying lawsuits and superman; he won't like it as not only are you stealing his name but calling him stupid as well._  
 _knuckles: (also hands him cape... and a packet of condoms.)... from now on you are STD man! you are to go around teaching people about the diseases you can get through sex... good luck with that. you are to to have the 'talk' with the following people:_  
 _rouge_  
 _gamma_  
 _eggman_  
 _charmy_  
 _tails_  
 _Oh, and as for the condoms... put them on your dreadlocks._  
 _now a dare for you jack: read the truth or dare story by TCFleaderRSA. your story seems kind of tame compared to this one. here's the link:/s/4218051/1/Truth_or_Dare_  
 _The sonic cast: what are your reactions to this story? do you feel more grateful towards jack and Jill now or less?_  
 _-Lightning Master_

Jill: Sorry…but we can't do permanent dares! Otherwise, we'd get reviews that conflict each other! One would say that Tails loves Cosmo permanently, while another would say that he loves Cream permanently, and we wouldn't know what the (bleep) to do! Therefore, we can't do permanent dares!

Jack: We can, however, do Shadow's dare for the rest of the chapter! (gives Shadow a cape)

Shadow: (sighs as he puts on cape) Time for Stuperman to save the day!

Fan girls: (cheer)

Superman: (breaks through wall) Do I hear a copyright infringement?

Shadow: Ummm…I have more fan girls than you!

Superman: TIME TO DIE, STUPID BISHIE! (punches Shadow into wall, picks him up, and throws him to fan girls)

Fan girls: (grab Shadow)

Shadow: Wait…what are you doing with those jumper cables? AUGH! NOT MY NIPPLES! (gets electrocuted)

Jack: Whoa…I totally did not see the fan girls doing that!

Jill: (checking Sonic Death Note) You have it written down right here!

Jack: (glares)

Knuckles: (puts on a cape and condoms) Captain Condom to the rescue!

Jack: (rolling on floor laughing)

-First conversation-

Knuckles: Well, then there's herpes-

Rouge: Got it!

Knuckles: What about gonorrhea-

Rouge: Got it!

Knuckles: Ummm…Chlamydia?

Rouge: Got it!

Knuckles: (sighs, then heads over to Gamma)

Gamma: Why would I have these diseases. They are carbon, while I am iron and silicon based.

Knuckles: (sighs) Are you sure there aren't any that could make you…like, rust or something?

Gamma: Negative.

-Next conversation-

Eggman: Do I look like someone who's getting a lot of sex?

Knuckles:…Touche! (heads over to Charmy)

Charmy: (actually learns something) STDs mean Sexually Transmitted Diseases!

Knuckles: VICTORY! That's one for…four! (sighs) Well, let's see how well I do

with Tails…

-Next conversation-

Tails: Just curiously…what sex positions get you the most diseases?

Knuckles: Ummm…I don't know if I can answer that! What do you mean?

Tails: Like, one time I went in with a chick and (bleep(bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep) her (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep) and (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep)…

-Hours later-

Tails:…so, after you (bleep)(bleep)(bleep), would that put you at risk of a disease?

Knuckles: (done throwing up) Ummm…MAN, you're a horny fox! Well…I have to try that before I can find out! ROUGE! (runs off)

Jack: (reads fic) Wow…this guy can cause a lot of suffering!

Shadow: (comes back onto stage shuddering) There's NOTHING that fic could do that would be worse than what this fic has just done to me…

Sonic: (shudders) I don't know…that was a pretty bad outfit for me on there, but I've had to wear some ridiculous outfits on here as well! But at least I know not to let Tails go to a sex shop now…

Tails: (glares) Both fics have made me (bleep) Knuckles at some point…but at least on there I was drunk, and not being forced into it by yaoi fan girls!

Knuckles: So THAT"S where the condoms idea came from…

Rouge: Meh. I've done worse in front of everyone!

Cream: Well, I disagree with all of you! I definitely can't see myself being addicted to sex toys! (shifts away from Rouge)

 _OMG, V-day(Valentines day) Reviews! I'm not to late, am I? Well O' well._  
 _Sonic: I hope this gives you a very bad dream, you must say that you and Amy are going some were very nice for V-day, but I would like to see her face when it's rely McDonels (I know it's not spelled right)_  
 _Tails: You rock! and you and Cream can go some were nice for V-day, but you have to say to Cosmo 'Who would want to be with someone (who is green)(add that if you wish) like you! go to hell!'_  
 _Cosmo: No one loves you for V-day! so let you self go and become fat (if thats can happen)!_  
 _Shadow: No one liks emos on v-day! Become a happy prson and say 'I love you' to enyone and evyone you see! or elces, you will be a new character on Dragon Tails!thats all (and I know I can't spell). later!_  
 _-Shadows-Girl95_

Sonic: Oh (bleep). Ummm…I guess I have to do this date!

Amy: OMG! I'll totally go on a date with you! It'll be like Twinkle Park all over again…except this time, I'm naked!

Sonic: Please. I'm trying to permanently wipe that from my memory!

Jill: Which one, Twinkle Park or naked Amy?

Sonic: Both.

Jack: (writing in Sonic Death Note) And I know why he's trying to forget Twinkle Park…but that's not for a long time in the parody!

Tikal: Speaking of the parody…(slaps Jack) How could you say I'm a hippie in there?

Jack: Ummm…(suddenly points to Tikal) Look! A naked hippie! IT'S WOODSTOCK!

Tikal: (gets dragged off by horny fan boys)

Sonic: (heads off with Amy to date, grabs Red Bull to prepare for having to run for his life)

Tails: Don't worry! I'm going to head to the coolest placei n town for a pimp!

Cream: Sweet! Money train, here I come!

Cosmo: Why can't I join?

Tails: Who would want to be with someone who is green like you?

Cosmo: Umm…me so horny, me love you long time?

Tails: Go to hell! (heads off with Cream)

Cosmo: Damn it! What do I do now?

Jack: (hands her some candy) Here! This is fresh from Willy Wonika's factory!

Cosmo: (swallows some gum, swells up to the size of a giant blueberry)

Oompah Loompahs: (head onto stage singing) Oompah loompah loompity-(BAM)

Jack: (goes on a shooting rampage) Their heads will look GREAT on my mantelpiece!

Shadow: (jaw gapes) DRAGON TAILS? But…that'll kill me! But so would acting happy…(sighs) I guess we all have to make sacrifices, even Stuperman…(makes Mr. Rogers look like Gene Simmons)

Jill: Emo bishies can do the most amazing things…

Jack: Keep it up, Shadalicious!

Shadow: (restrains self)

 _Valentines special!_  
 _Jill and Amy-Why do you love Knuckles/Sonic so a real and proper answer or you get fed to the Sarlaac_  
 _Rouge-Why are you a **.Answer properly or get crabs,herpes,gonorreah and all those other STDs_  
 _Jack-Have buttsex with Rouge. It's something new_  
 _Shadow-You're gonna be busy!Closet with Sally Acorn,Bunnie Rabbot,Dulcy,Amy,Elise,Sonia,Tikal,Blaze,Marine,Cream,Cosmo,Mina,Rouge,Elias Acorn,Fiona Fox,Shade,Wave,Vanilla,Merlina,Lara-Su,Julie-Su,Sharah,Rosy and Maria{that is EVERY female character in the Sonic franchise}_  
 _Tails-Closet with all the men,women,robots and other characters of the Sonic franchise_  
 _Big-Are you gay?_  
 _Everyon-Write a poem to your love_  
 _-Jlate_

Jill: Where to begin…he's cute, he's fuzzy, he has sexy hair, he…

Amy: Sonic's hot, he's always rescuing me, he makes a great hero…

-Many hours later-

Everyone: (sleeping)

Jill: HEY!

Amy: YEAH! How dare you sleep while I talk about my Sonikku!

Jack: (wakes up) Wha-oh yeah! Let's get to Rouge's question! Though I wouldn't be too surprised if she already has all of those diseases…

Rouge: (glares) Isn't it obvious? I LIKE SEX! What, is that so hard to believe?

Jill: (coughs) Whore!

Rouge: Shut it!

Jack: It looks like the real whores are going to be Shadow and Tails! Look at those dares!

Shadow: Well, as long as it isn't more of those fan girls…WHOO-HOO!

Jill: Did I just hear Shadow say "Whoo-hoo!"?

Jack: That's blasphemy! Now get in the closet, you jigolo! (shoves Shadow into closet with every Sonic chick)

Tails: What's Shadow doing with being the pimp? I'M supposed to be the pimp around here!

Jill: Oh, you'll be pimping yourself out, all right…

Big: Uhhh…what's gay?

Everyone: (falls down anime-style)

Jack: (points to Silver) That is the definition of gay!

Silver: HEY! For the last time, I'm not gay! (gets tomatoes thrown at him) OW!

Jill: (walks up to Big) Do you love guys or girls?

Big: Uhhh…what's love?

Everyone: (falls down anime-style again)

Jack: Damn…I guess his brain is too small to have developed the brain cells that carry out the emotional signals of love!

Jill: So…he's not anything!

Shadow: (stumbles out of closet panting) Wow…I haven't felt this hot since I went to that Clay Aiken concert in Iran!

Janitor: (hits drums)

Jack: ZING! Anyways…(summons MANY yaoi and het fan girls, has them drag all Sonic characters into closet with Tails)

-Many romps later, including Jack's "something new" romp with Rouge that causes him to shudder from there on-

Tails: (walks out of closet with steam coming off of his body) H-h-how am I still alive? (collapses)

Jack: (writing poem) Hmmm…I could do one of those Shakespearean poems, and say how my lover makes the glare with envy, and how her radiance glows to a point that the moon hides its face, and how she smells like the great flowers of golden mountains…or I could sum it all up in a few words with the message those poems are really just saying all along: You're hot, let's do it!

Jill: I think I know which one you're writing…

Sonic: Hey! I wrote that one too!

Shadow: (rolls eyes) Why am I not surprised?

Jack: Look who's talking! We all know that you're just writing some more of your emo poetry!

Shadow: Not necessarily-

Jack: Let me guess! You're writing about how your lover shines like your blood after you've slit your wrists with a razor!

Shadow: (glares)

Jack: HE DIDN'T SAY NO! (high-fives Sonic, cheers over victory)

Shadow: If I had Sammy the Pistol or Delilah the AK-47 with me right now…

Thank goodness that I was extremely hyper near the beginning and ending of this chapter! HAHAHA!


	61. How to Make Silver Horny

How to Make Silver Horny

Good news, everyone! This fic is on over 100 favorite story lists!

Jack: Hehehe…it's almost on!

Sonic: What are you talking about?

Jack: You see…remember how you and Amy had tons of sex during the Valentines reviews?

Sonic: (shudders) Ummm…yes?

Jill: Well…we installed a camera and recorded everything!

Amy: WHAT?!

Sonic: Where are the tapes?

Jack: We sent them to…Animal Planet!

Sonic: Not those pornographers! They're always barging in on animals like me getting busy…

Shadow: This sounds hilarious! (turns on TV, switches to Animal Planet)

TV: And now, for our special on Hedgehog Mating Patterns!

Everyone but Sonic and Amy: (watches for a few seconds, then falls over laughing)

Amy: But…THAT'S US!

Sonic: (buries head in hands) Oh no…

Shadow: LOOK AT THAT CRAPPY POSITION! I knew that you suck at sex, faker!

Jack: (laughs so hard that he dies, then laughs so hard that he revives, then laughs so hard that he dies again, and then laughs so hard that he revives yet again) Wow…that was a cool experience!

TV: The male seems to be struggling to get away, but the female puts a tight grip on him! Whether this is part of their mating ritual is unknown…

-A few minutes later-

TV: Now that they are finished, the female seems to be strangling the male for some reason!

Amy: THAT'S BECAUSE HE YELLED "Oh Sally! Oh Blaze!" DURING THE CLIMAX!

Sonic: (gulps) Oh yeah…(runs away from a re-angered Amy)

Jill: But enough of Animal Planet's pornography, let's get to the reviews!  
this is really nice would like to see more

 _anyway onto my dares, please use the first part suggestions at the beginning:_  
 _PART 1_  
 _Chaos: talk RIGHT_  
 _Big: get AUTHOR POWERS from Jack and Jill until when i say..._  
 _Jill: do you know who Black Doom is? Get him into the character list_  
 _Tails: eat Cosmo and Cream for dinner_  
 _Amy: eat Sonic for dinner_  
 _-Jon010_

Jill: We already did the first dare!

Jack: Oh no…the universe is dead!

Big: (through mysterious circumstances and many time-space rips, suddenly gets Author Powers) Uhhhh…(summons legions of fish from out of the sea, starts eating them)

Jill: I guess that's all he wants right now…and yes, we shall bring in Black Doom!

Doom: (teleports onto stage) Greetings, mortal fools!

Shadow: (glomps Black Doom) DADDY!

Doom: Shadow…calm down! What's going on here?

Jack: Well, I decided to OOC Shadow for this scene…because you two need to spend some quality father/son time together!

Doom: WHAT?!

Jill: (gives Black Doom a baseball, some baseball gloves) Why don't play catch? And then go watch a baseball game?

Doom: I REFUSE TO DO THIS MOCKERY OF MY STATUS AS-

Shadow: (sniffs) Daddy?

Doom: (sighs) Oh, fine…(heads off with Shadow)

-At the baseball game-

Doom: (yelling at a random guy) No, you move aside and let my boy sit here!

Random guy: No, I came here first and saved this for myself!

Doom: Fool…(summons minions, has them tear random guy to shreds)

Shadow: YAAAAAY! Kill him again, Daddy! Kill him again!

Doom: (sighs) Alright…(has minions piece together random guy, only to tear him apart again)

Shadow: YAAAAAAY! Can I kill him too?

Doom: Sure, my boy! (pats Shadow's back)

-Back on stage-

Sonic, Cream, and Cosmo: ("disappear" while everyone sees what Black Doom and Shadow are doing)

Jack: Here, want some dinner to watch the massacre? (hands out food to everyone)

Amy: For some reason, my meat tastes familiar…

Tails: (shovels down everything)

Jill: This is too much like the Texas Chainsaw massacre…

Amy: (finishes meal) What are you talking about?

Jack: (whispers in Amy and Tails' ears, causing them both to scream)

Amy: THIS ISN'T HOW I WANTED IT TO END! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO END IN A STAND-OFF WITH POLICE WHERE I HELD SONIC AS A HOSTAGE AND…(sobs)

Jill: Wait…didn't she want to kill Sonic when we last saw her?

Jack: (shrugs)

Tails: Man…eating out a chick just took a whole new meaning to me!

Doom: (heads onto stage with Shadow) Feasting on organs, huh? What a delightful meal!

Shadow: THAT TRIP WAS FUN! Especially when Daddy put the umpire's head on a pike for that close call!

 _Time for more suffering! Tails, I'm going to need your mechanical abilities for some of these._  
 _Vector: How the heck did you even get to Cuba in under an hour in chapter 25?_  
 _Jack: How dare you call tails the show's prison (Bleep) back in chapter 25! I want everyone (Yes, even you) except Tails to cross dress and remain that way for the rest of this chapter and the next one._  
 _Froggy: Jack, turn Mephiles into a bug near Froggy. Froggy, eat Mephiles._  
 _Jet: I want Tails to roast you and serve you for dinner to all the characters. (Tastes like chicken)_  
 _Eggman: Send all of your robots after Chuck Norris. If he destroys them all, then he gets to have his way with you. (I hear Chuck Norris has been running out of women again)_  
 _Sonic: You're not allowed to run at all for the rest of this chapter. In fact, you're not even allowed to walk fast. Tails, please set up a machine that will clock Sonic's speed at any given time. If you move any faster than one mile per hour, (That is very slow) I want blocks cemented onto your feet so that it becomes impossible to move. Then, I want you thrown to the fan girls and fan boys._  
 _Charmy: Drink an OCTUPLE ESPRESSO while beating on Rouge with drum sticks._  
 _Knuckles: Have a fight to the death against yourself. The loser, after being revived, must be killed by rabid fan boys for being such a loser. (I don't think he's intelligent enough to figure out that he can't win)_  
 _Amy: You can sleep with Sonic! (Give Sonic every STD known to man before he sleeps with Amy without telling her)_  
 _Rouge: (Jack, slip her fatty foods without her knowing until she looks like she is obese and watch her reaction)_  
 _Shadow: Kill Vector and make me the leader of the facist government that he established back in chapter 25. Because he tried to become an evil tyrant without including me, I still want him to brutally murder Sonic and throw himself to the Sonic fan girls and fan boys. Afterwards, he must throw himself to them every time he recieves a truth or dare for the next four chapters._  
 _Cream: List as many ways as to why Cosmo is superior to you and deserves Tails more as you can. If I find the length of the list to be unsatisfactory, I shall unleash all of the Tails and Cosmo fan girls on you! (No matter how long she goes on, unleash the fan girls anyway after she is done)_  
 _Silver: What did you and Blaze do for fun in the future when there was no one around except monsters? Regardless, I want you to be killed every time you even THINK about sex for this chapter and the next one. (Have Tails create a machine that will display whatever he's thinking for everyone to see)_  
 _Metal Sonic: Kill Sonic within one second of reading this. If you fail, I will rally the Cubans against you, Sonic, Charmy, Amy, Eggman, Cream, and Rouge!_  
 _Thanks for the help, Tails! All of you shall suffer next time, though! (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jack: There's so many dares in here involving eating…I suspect Super Dragon was hungry when he wrote this!

Vector: I have my methods…(drops a Chaos Emerald) Whoops!

Jill: YOU CHEATER!

Jack: Of course Tails was this show's prison bitch! Did you SEE how many cross-dressing dares he's done in this fic?

Tails: That's no excuse! I'm too manly to be a prison bitch!

Jack: (rolls eyes) Yes…as being voiced by a chick is SO manly!

Tails: (glares) Well, you all still have to cross-dress!

Everyone else: (puts on opposite gender clothing while grumbling)

Jack: I like this next dare! AUTHOR POWERS!

Mephiles: (turns into a fly)

Froggy: (eats the fly immediately) Ribbit! (Translation: Ugh…not my taste!)

Tails: (grabs Jet, throws him into grease fire) Normally I would just leave the body at that…but then I wouldn't get revenge for having to eat my ladies!

Eggman: Attack, my army! Bring back Chuck Norris' head!

Chuck Norris: (kills all of the robots with a flick of his wrist)

Jack: Dude…Eggman's going to totally be a prison bitch! HA!

Eggman: But…I'm too evil to be a prison bitch!

Chuck Norris: (grabs Eggman, then takes him into a closet, where he does what Borat had planned to do to Pamela Anderson)

Sonic: No running? But, why?

Jack: Because you're annoying!

Tails: Haven't you looked at a car? That's already been invented! It's called a speedometer! (puts one on Sonic)

Sonic: This clock is heavy…(falls over)

Jack: HA! Gravity is faster than one mile per hour! Therefore…(pulls the Mafia move on Sonic, except this time on a bridge over the fans)

Sonic: Please don't push me down! I'd rather be sleeping with the fishes than the fans!

Tails: To let you go…wouldn't be funny enough! DIE! (pushes Sonic off of bridge)

Sonic: AHHH! (gets stuck sleeping with every fan girl)

Charmy: OCTUPLE?! Wait…what's an espresso? (takes drink)

Espio: (gulps, then prays to his…ninja gods)

Charmy: LLAMAS! LOL! MUDKIPS! (grabs drumsticks, beats on Rouge until the drumsticks immediately break) FIRE! WAFFLES!

Rouge: Owww…my boobs aren't drums!

Jill: They're drum-sized!

Jack: Hey Knuckles, guess who stole the Master Emerald now?

Knuckles: Who did it this time? GIVE ME SOME ANSWERS!

Jack: Knuckles stole it!

Knuckles: That bastard! I knew I couldn't trust him…(punches self)

Tails: Second Dinner is ready! (serves Jet to everyone) We can eat while watching Knuckles kill himself!

Jack: (slips a Big Mac into Rouge's chicken…I don't know how this can be accomplished!)

Knuckles: (fighting over gun with self) Man, this guy is strong! (finally shoots self) Why does winning hurt so much?

Fan boys: (drag off Knuckles as he gets revived)

Knuckles: Are you taking me to a party? Those knives look like an interesting addition-AUGH!

Sonic: (climbs onto stage) Stupid cement…how was I supposed to know it was so hard?

Amy: YOU ESCAPED! Oh, you're sooo brave…(drags Sonic into closet)

Sonic: (gulps) I don't think I'm brave enough to face this…

Rouge: (checking on scale) Why am I still gaining weight? (bends down to look at scale)

Jack: (looks at Rouge from behind, then grins)

-In Jack's mind-

Song playing in his head: I like big butts and I can not lie, you other brothers can't deny! That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist…(Note: Malcolm in the Middle fans should be laughing their asses off right now…if you know what episode I'm talking about!)

-Back on stage-

Shadow: What's the effort in that? Fine…(does the karate chop thing from Shadow the Hedgehog)

Vector: AH! (gets killed in the same weird way that Eggman was in some of the game endings)

Shadow: (steals Cuba charter, sends it to Super Dragon's fic)

Amy: (drags Sonic out) You didn't tell me those fans gave you AIDS!

Sonic: That's not the only thing they gave me…(shudders)

Vector: (revived) We must stop him from spreading more diseases! (shoots Sonic in a fashion like Old Yeller)

Sonic fans: (meet Vector out back for a "talk")

Cream: Well…she can do a lot of…planty things! And she actually kissed Tails on the show…oh, and she's an alien! That's all I can think about at the moment…

TailsCosmo fan girls: (boo Cream, charge onto stage)

Cream: (gets dragged off, has ears chopped off so fans can take them for luck)

Silver: Well, we mostly just talked and foraged for food.

Everyone else: WHAT?!

Silver: What's the problem with that?

Jack: Wait…you were all alone, with a hot chick, and you WEREN'T banging her? And you WONDER why people think you're gay?

Silver: What? Of course not! Why would I have sex with her?

Everyone else: (falls down anime-style)

Jill: What, did you think that the planet was going to repopulate ITSELF?

Jack: Yeah, way to go on helping the future out!

Silver: (pouts)

Jack: As for his dare…let's take him to a strip club! The new floor color will be red after his visit! (drags Silver off with machine)

Metal Sonic: But Sonic is already dead-(gets assassinated by a Cuban sniper)

Rouge: Man…all of that candy that Jack gave me really went to the belly! (makes scale explode when standing on it)

Eggman: It does that to me all the time!

Rouge: Are you saying…I'M AT EGGMAN'S WEIGHT?! (shoots self)

Eggman: That doesn't help my self-esteem at all…

Jack: (runs onto stage) Then that's a good thing!

 _PART 2 (these are the big ones, use them in the middle of the chap)_  
 _Jack: get a reviewer the Sonic characters despise onto the set for 2 chappys_  
 _Everyone: eat too much sugar and get sugar rush for the rest of the chap. It must be so powerful that all the fan girls and boys can't defend themselves if the characters find themselves killing them. Also during this they can kill anyone they like. If it happens to be the hosts replace them with the reviewer on-stage (who happens to be on immunity btw)_  
 _Sonic: VS Mario in a real Brawl. Loser suffers a slow and painful death from the characters and cannot be revived for the rest of the chapter unless there is a dare._  
 _Big: be smarter than Tails and Eggman combined for the rest of the chapter_  
 _-Jon010_

Jack: Who do you guys despise?

All Sonic characters: YOU!

Jack: Obviously! But who else?

Cream: I hate Super Dragon.

Cosmo: I hate Aretsukusu.

Shadow: I hate every (bleep)ing one of them…

Jill: Even the fan girls that adore you?

Shadow: Those are some of the scariest! They're the ones always trying to rape me!

Jack: Since everyone is still waiting for Super Dragon to update his truth or dare fic, we shall bring him out here!

Kyle: (holds up Cuban flag) All hail the Cubans!

Jill: You're just in time to watch Sonic get his ass kicked by Mario! While we all eat tons of candy!

Sonic: HEY! I'm not that bad in Brawl!

Jack: Mario can still totally kick your ass! (sends Sonic to Super Smash Bros. Brawl)

Sonic: This is going to be easy! (rolls up and charges at Mario)

Mario: Time to rip-off magicians everywhere! (uses cape)

Sonic: (immediately flies off-screen) WHAT THE (bleep)? The cape doesn't do that much damage!

Jill: It does NOW, bitch! It looks like some hackers got in there!

Sonic: Then that shouldn't count! (suddenly gets turned into puddle) Those stupid hackers…FINE! I'LL LET IT COUNT! (gets turned back to normal)

Jack: I know the perfect execution for this! (ties each of Sonic's extremities to a horse)

Jill: Why are there six horses?

Jack: I decided to make it more painful by tying one rope around his neck and another around his…um…"what Silver doesn't use"!

Silver: (glares after revival) HEY! (gets killed by a random flying gun blade)

Jack: I could get used to this…(revives Silver)

Jill: (puts some of the Sonic characters onto the horses)

Sonic: Wow…maybe I should have let those hackers keep me as a puddle, after all!

Jack: (fires shotgun in air, puts on 5 sets of earmuffs to cover up Sonic's screams)

Jill: We already did Big's dare…oh well! Time for another miracle!

Jack: (watches Sonic die) AHAHAHAHAHA! This sugar high is getting to me!

Tails: ALL OF US ARE FEELING IT!

Shadow: LET'S BLOW THE (bleep) OUT OF EACH OTHER! (starts firing grenades everywhere)

Big: (gets hit in the head by a grenade) And that is how you can use a derivative to solve for the velocity and acceleration in objects!

Jill: Shouldn't brain damage make him dumber?

Jack: I guess he was so stupid, brain damage could only make his brain better!

 _hi bye is me necrophillia_  
 _goodbyebye_  
 _blaze drink cup of ice cold water then drink coffee then (dont tell her this but have her teeth blow up) kiss sonic_  
 _sonic get chili dogs then (jack poor coke on them the drug) eat hundreds of them_  
 _tails ur so awesome so kill shadow then take chaos power and go out with tikal (make it to wheres tikal gets prenget with his child but cant get rid of it) allso hands u pimp cane and clothes u are now a pimp go crazy_  
 _-revan blackheart_

Jack: Time for some taste-testing! (gives two cups to Blaze) Try the clear liquid first, then the black liquid!

Blaze: I don't like the suspicious tone implied here! (drinks water, then drinks coffee) AUGH! My teeth! What the hell happened?

Jack: You have to kiss Sonic with those ugly teeth!

Sonic: You can't make me! Those teeth might kill me if I tried frenching!

Blaze: (pounces onto Sonic) I need a kiss from SOMEONE, damn it!

Jack: Besides, we all know that Silver isn't going to do anything to her!

Silver: (grumbles as he gets shot)

Jill: (revives Silver) You keep bringing the subject of sex back to him purposely!

Jack: DUH! We wouldn't be killing him if I wasn't!

Sonic: (runs away from Blaze after kiss) My tongue will never feel the same again! The pain…

Jack: Eating some special chili dogs will take the pain away!

Sonic: Special chili dogs?

Jill: Yeah! Shadow probably has some…if not, at least Charmy will!

-Later-

Sonic: These chili dogs…I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THEM! (starts snorting whole chili dogs) Ahhh…that's the stuff!

Tails: (approaches Shadow) Black Doom wants you to go hang yourself!

Shadow: R-really? I'LL DO IT, DADDY! (grabs razor, heads out back)

Tails: (shrugs) That didn't take much effort at all! (takes cane and clothes) HELL YEAH! My dream is accomplished! Now, where's my hos?

Fan girls: (create world's longest line)

Tails: YES! I'm the biggest pimp in the world!

Knuckles: (pouts)

Tails: How do I make Knuckles feel worse? Sleeping with Rouge wouldn't make much of an impact, as EVERYONE sleeps with her! Hmmm…I'll do Tikal!

Knuckles: (makes Shadow look like Mr. Rogers in comparison)

-Later-

Tikal: Man, my dad's going to be pissed…he'll want to know how I got knocked up by the world's biggest pimp!

Tails: Why am I always the guy who either gets the most chicks pregnant or the guy who IS the most often pregnant? (shudders at the thought of those mpreg fics)

Tikal: No Juno? Damn!

-A few hours later-

Tikal: (has baby at hospital)

TailsCosmo and TailsCream fan girls: (unite and take baby)

Jill: Wow…that was a lot to happen in just a few lines!

Jack: This chapter's been taking too long to write! AUGH!

 _OOH! ToD FANFIC!_  
 _Amy: Thwack sonic with a hammer..._  
 _And give him pepper pie._  
 _Shadow: Gimme guns. *ships them to Ivalice, Spira* NOW YUNA HAS MORE GUNS! YAY!_  
 _Sonic: Kick Charmy_  
 _eggman: Go and race Bowser in the olympics_  
 _author: I LUV LoZ! RANDOMNESS ENSUES! ZELDA MINI MADNESS SHALL NOT END!_  
 _-Senom299_

Sonic: (finishes last chili dog) WHERE"S SOME MORE? I'm going to go crazy if I don't get some!

Amy: Stop focusing on those chili dogs and focus on me! (hits Sonic with hammer)

Sonic: Owww…I'm still not quitting!

Amy: (hands him the pie) This'll get you off…

-Many sneezes and choking incidents later-

Sonic: (panting) What the hell, Amy?! That was a jerk move…

Amy: Hehe…but I succeeded in sobering you!

Sonic: URGH! I need to vent out my anger on someone…as that's obviously such a healthy behavior! (kicks Charmy in the head)

Charmy: (flies off) SONIC'S GONE INSANE!

Shadow: (revived) You're going to need a LOT of crates to carry those guns…especially all the way to the realm of Final Fantasy! (loses guns anyways) NO! (sniffs) I need Daddy to comfort me…

Doom: (rolls eyes) Not again! (walks up to Shadow) Don't worry…there'll be plenty of blood to spill later in our glorious conquest!

Shadow: YAY! That cheered me up!

Eggman: (starts whining) Noooo…those bastards at SEGA already made me do that last summer!

Jill: You're going anyways! How many meters do you think he'll make it to?

Jack: More like how many centimeters…

-At race-

Bowser: (just jumps, causing the ground to shake)

Eggman: (falls flat on his ass) I CAN'T GET UP! I knew I shouldn't have eaten that bowl of ice cream beforehand!

Jill: Don't you mean bowls?

Bowser: (snickers and walks to finish)

Jack: (shrugs) Let's just leave Eggman there!

-Back on stage-

Jill: What are we doing now? The review's over!

Jack: I just want to do something relating to the recent event of Heath Ledger's posthumous Oscar!

Sonic: What are you planning?

Jack: (grabs Mephiles) I find it creepy that you don't have a mouth…(pulls out a knife) SO LET'S PUT A SMILE ON THAT FACE!

Mephiles: (gets dragged offstage screaming for help)

-Meanwhile, that night-

Eggman: (yelling) Is anyone out there? Hello? I could use some McDonalds right now…just 50 Big Macs will do! Honestly!

Wow…there was a lot of teasing the villains this chapter! This is definitely the longest chapter we've done in a while!


	62. Big faces Oprah!

Big faces Oprah!

Let's fire up another chapter! That last chapter was one of my favorites to type!

Jack: (sharpens bloody knife) That was fun, wasn't it Mephy?

Mephiles: (in fetal position with a smile carved onto his face)

Jack: Exactly…

Knuckles: (turns off laptop) Hey! I'm going to be the bearer of good news this time!

Jill: What happened now?

Knuckles: The prince of Nigeria just e-mailed me, saying how he needed MY help! He promised to reward me with his kingdom if I sent some cash to an overseas bank account!

Jack: (rolls eyes) Let me guess…you sent it!

Knuckles: Yep! I shall be known as…Prince Knuckles!

Jack: Well, we all know how that's going to turn out…

 _Well. Here I go!_  
 _Sonic: You have to spend the whole chapter with pure caffine being injected into you._  
 _Shadow: You have to say 'Sonic is better than me' before and after every sentence you say, and loud enough so everyone can here you._  
 _Silver: You know what, I torture you enough in my stories, you get the day off. No one can force you to do anything the whole chapter. And you're invincible and can do whatever you want._  
 _Tails: You have to do as many photo shoots with playgirlas the fangirls want._  
 _Amy: Be naked the whole chapter. If you see any boys drooling or something like that you can kill them._  
 _Cream and Cosmo: You have to get along for the whole chapter and be BFFs. The fangirls must follow suit._  
 _Rouge: You are excused for this chapter because you have a mission to (try to) kill Chuck Norris!_  
 _Knuckles: You must go have a picnic with Chaos and Tikal for the chapter, and the only thing you can eat is Chao!_  
 _Blaze: You must give Big the talk (dun dun duh), then have sex with him._  
 _Big: After you have sex with Blaze she's going to burn you to a crisp and froggy will eat you._  
 _Froggy: You must eat Big after he's burnt to a crisp and you can't wash it down with anything._  
 _Metal Sonic: You have to have a fight to the death with Mephiles._  
 _Mephiles: See above._  
 _Myself: Even though I'm not on the show anymore every time Shadow does something emo for the rest of the story lightning will crash down upon him like there's no tomorrow._  
 _MWAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _-Spark The Hedgehog123_

Sonic: This sounds like fun! (takes ONE SIP of Red Bull) PARTY TIME! (turns from Sonic the Hedgehog into Sonic the Blur)

Shadow: Fine…Sonic is better than me! (contemplates suicide, but then gets hit by lightning bolt) Damn! There's just no escape from this! (tries sulking into a corner when he is suddenly hit by lightning again) NOOOOOO! (sighs) I need Linkin Park to help me-(BOOM) STUPID (bleep)ING LIGHTNING!

Silver: (grabs invincibility icon) Cool! I feel like Neo from The Matrix! (heads over to SEGA headquarters in hopes of actually making a "Silver the Hedgehog" game)

Jill: I never thought Silver would be as egotistical as Sonic!

Sonic: WHADDYASAY?! TURTLES! (zooms off)

Tails: (jaw gapes at dare) At their request? It'll never end!

Jill: That's part of the point! (sends Tails to Playgirl headquarters)

Fan girls: (enact many, MANY fantasies on Tails that would scar anyone watching for life)

Tails: (fetal position) I'm going to be the centerfold for the next five years…

Amy: I'm not taking my clothes off!

Jack: Then the fan boys will get to have their way with you!

Fan boys: (drooling)

Amy: (gulps) Oh, fine! (takes off clothes)

Fan boys: (still drooling)

Amy: I have to kill ALL OF THEM?

Jill: Apparently.

Amy: Die, perverts! (draws her hammer out of Hammerspace, starts up a fight with the fan boys similar to the fight against hundreds of Smith clones in the Matrix: Reloaded)

Jack: Cool! She's using her hammer in place of the streetlamp Neo used!

Cream: (shakes Cosmo's hand while restraining self)

Cosmo: (grumbles) This dare pisses me off…

Jack: Get the fan girls to be friends? That's impossible!

Jill: Actually, not so…(points to fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (too distracted by Tails' Playgirl stunts to fight)

Jack: We might have just stumbled upon the cure to war…THE SEX DRIVE!

Jill: Isn't that what caused a war in The Iliad?

Jack: Damn! So true…

Jill: HA! Rouge won't succeed with her dare! Chuck Norris doesn't have doors, he just breaks through the walls of his home!

Rouge: Kill the almighty one? This sucks. (heads to Chuck Norris' almighty dojo)

Chuck Norris: What are you doing here? Especially in that clothing?

Rouge; You don't like my choice of dress? I guess I'll just have to…take it off!

Chuck Norris: (gets message, immediately prepares bed)

-Back on stage-

Knuckles: (cooks up Chao burgers) This is going to be a fun day! (heads out on picnic)

Tikal: Why do these burgers taste so familiar?

-After picnic-

Tikal: (fetal position) Those poor…Chao!

Knuckles: (looks at Tikal) We had a great time! Now it's time for me to find out what's happened with the prince of Nigeria! (heads off)

Jack: (rolls eyes) I'm sure he'll get GREAT news out of there!

Rouge: (walks back onto stage) Chuck Norris is gone!

Jack: Impossible! How?

Rouge: Well, I slept iwth him...and he got an STD!

Jill: (mutters) That's crazy...

Blaze: (eyes widen in horror at dare) You've got be kidding me.

Jack: Wow…I have to admit, that sucks for you! (shoves Big and Blaze into a closet, then shudders) What have I done?

Metal Sonic: More murders is fine with me.

Mephiles: More murders? You've never killed Sonic ONCE in the games!

Metal Sonic: At least I didn't kill him with a sissy beam from behind.

Mephiles: Why you…I'LL SHOW YOU "SISSY BEAMS"! (starts up fight with Metal Sonic)

Jill: This is only made funnier by the fact that Mephy still has that smile on his face!

Blaze: (heads out of closet holding a bunch of ashes) I finished the dare. Now if you excuse me, I'm heading off to contemplate suicide. (walks off shuddering)

Froggy: (eats the ashes) Ribbit! (Translation: AUGH! These are horrible! I feel like Eric Cartman from South Park for some reason…)

Mephiles: (blows up Metal Sonic with a beam) HA! Now fear my beam!

Jack: Beware of…Mephiles: The Sissy Killer!

Mephiles: (gives Jack the finger)

 _Bella: Hahaha! Looks like he's not gonna do your dare!_  
 _Me: Well, I wanted to make som adjustments to some of it anyway._  
 _Bella: What?_  
 _Me: About Rouge's dare._  
 _Bella: *sigh* Oh no..._  
 _Rouge: Remember when I said to be apart of the movie "The Great Mouse Detctive"? Well, I wasn't specific enough. I want you to go back, team up with Ratigan so that he wins and Basil dies and you somehow become Queen of Mosedom. (Note: Don't kill anyone on your side or else when you come back you'll have to be put in the closet with Eggman.)_  
 _Amy: Good news: You get more closet time with Sonic! Bad News: Mr. Egghead's gotta watch._  
 _Big: Go on a diet, for gosh's sakes. Get Oprah to help you if you must._  
 _Cosmo: You and Cream get to have sex in front of everyone, just like Blaze and Silver did. And no complaining._  
 _Vector: You get to sing the song "Crocodile Rock", but with Charmy as your backup singer. Oh yeah, and he's on a sugar high._  
 _Charmy: After the song, start annoying Metal Sonic so much that he is forced to kill himself._  
 _Omochao: Get raped by Omega._  
 _-Cartoonatic55_

Jack: We did your dare eventually! (rolls eyes) We need more patience…(sends Rouge to movie again)

Amy: Um…yay?

Sonic: I don't which is worse…when the entire Animal Planet audience watched us or Eggman!

Eggman: Stop complaining and just get in there! By knowing how you have sex, I'll be better able to plan how to kill you!

Sonic: How?

Eggman:…I haven't figured out that part yet! (heads into closet with them)

Big: (revived) A diet? What's that?

Jill: It's where you cut down on eating.

Big: Uhhhh…no way!

Kyle: Do it, fool! You shall suffer for sleeping with Blaze!

Jack: I think the most torturous way would be to send him to Oprah…after all, what better way is there to get a bunch of middle-aged women pissed off at him?

-On Oprah-

Oprah: Today, we have a giant cat from the Sonic games who can't stop eating! Let's bring him out!

Big: (walks in) Uhhhh…where's some fish?

Oprah: We're not here to talk about fish, we're here to talk about your eating problems!

Big: Uhhh…why?

Oprah: (glares) Because you've got a weight problem!

Big: Uhhh…what weight problem? Like yours?

Oprah: (jaw gapes) How dare you! I have a thyroid problem!

Big: Uhhhh…what's that? (points to a McDonalds meal nearby)

Oprah: (hides meal) Ummm…nothing! (walks up to audience) Now ladies…if you look under your seats, you will find some AK-47s with plenty of ammo! LET'S GET THIS BASTARD!

Oprah fans: (look under seats, pull out weapons and start shooting at Big)

Big: AHHHHHH! Help me, Froggy! (runs off with the army of middle-aged women chasing after him)

-Back on stage-

Big: (loses lots of weight from running away from that army)

Jack: Cartoonatic was right…going on Oprah DID work!

Rouge: (returns from movie with a crown on her head) HA! This chapter's been awesome for me!

Jill: I don't think you'll be saying that soon…Ratigan's dead!

Rouge: How is that my fault?

Jill: He got an STD.

Rouge:…(bleep)!

Eggman: (heads out of closet) High five, everyone! (gets no response) Awww…

Rouge: Well, I guess I have to do this…and then repeatedly bash my head against a wall until I forget it! (heads into closet with Eggman)

Tails: (runs onto stage) While they're busy doing horrible things, I'll entertain you guys!

Jill: What do you plan to do?

Tails: Well…I kind of figured out how to do hypnosis! Watch! (hypnotizes Cream and Cosmo) Now give us a show by becoming friends…WITH BENEFITS!

Cream and Cosmo: (start taking off clothes)

Jack: I don't know how to feel about this…in the wild, Cream would be eating Cosmo for FOOD, not in that way!

Tails: (drooling)

Jill: Hey! Get back to Playgirl! Your fan girls are getting impatient!

Tails: Damn…(heads off)

-Later-

Cream: (wakes up) AUGH! (puts clothes back on) Why am I with…HER?!

Jill: Your BFF?

Cream: (glares)

Cosmo: (puts clothes back on) This is horrifying-I mean…surprising.

Jack: Come on, everyone! Vector's been getting impatient for his song!

Vector: (starts singing) I remember when rock was young, me and Suzie had so much fun-

Charmy: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Vector: Shut up, Charmy! (continues singing) Holding hands and skimming stones…

-Later-

Charmy: I NEED MORE SUGAR!

Jill: We already gave you a 50-gallon drum of sugar!

Charmy: (bleep) YOU! WHERE'S MY FIX?!

Jack: Ummm…Metal Sonic has it! (revives Metal Sonic)

Metal Sonic: Do not put me into this, you-

Charmy: Where'ssomesugar?Where'ssomesugar?Where'ssomesugar?Wh…

Metal Sonic: Please keep me dead this time. (jumps into pool and dies)

Jack: Sorry! No promises!

Omochao: Ummm…who has to rape me?

Jill: A fellow robot! (throws Omochao into a closet) Omega, that tiny robot is working for Eggman!

Omochao: What? I'm not-AHHH!

Jill: No, don't beat him up! I've got another way you can make him suffer! (whispers in Omega's ear/soundbox/whatever Omega uses to hear)

Omega: Will comply! (heads into closet)

Jack: (throws up) I don't even know how THAT works, either!

 _WHERE IS MY REVEIW!_  
 _MORE DARES! YAYNESS!_  
 _cream: ok this is't a dare it just a favor can you hold Reveira for me? *gives chao* Thaks._  
 _eggman: another GAY BOOK dare. Write the gayest book ever on how Vaati is cooler the u_  
 _Oops! Forgot some dares!_  
 _Shadow: Guns. Now._  
 _*ships them away*_  
 _And Lastly... ME! I dare myself to join. But first... *drags in Navi* *gets out earplugs*_  
 _Navi:HEYLOOKHELLOLISTEN__  
 _*shoves her out* Now I'm ready. DARE ME PPL! DARE ME.._  
 _-Senom299_

Cream: Another Chao? (takes it)

Jack: No OCs, damn it! (kicks the Chao away)

Cream: (pouts)

Eggman: Vaati? From Zelda? Well…I have to admit, he has more fan girls!

Jill: Stop talking about it and start writing!

Shadow: (shuddering nervously after guns get taken again)

Jill: What's up, Shadalicious?

Shadow: A horrible fate has come onto me! I've been THREE WHOLE HOURS without playing Grand Theft Auto! HOURS! (hands do subconscious trigger motions) Must…kill…

Jack: And THAT is why you don't want to piss off Shadow!

Jill: Wait a sec…he didn't say Sonic is better than him! (shoots Shadow between his legs) NOW SAY IT!

Shadow: Ow! Sonic is better than me!

Jack: Sorry, but we just said we're not accepting OCs! But…(gulps) Navi, on the other hand, is an actual Zelda character!

Jill: WE'RE DEAD! (grabs a truckload of earplugs)

Navi: HEY! LISTEN!

Espio: (covering ears) How can Nintendo ever have let something this annoying exist?

Navi: LOOK! WATCH OUT! HEY!

Sonic: SHUT UP! Shut the (bleep) up!

Navi: HEY! LOOK!

Jack: If you don't shut up right now, I'm going to stop using you in my Sonic Adventure parody! And we all know you've been out of work since Ocarina of Time!

Navi: (silence)

Jack: That's better!

 _I have a little bit of things:_  
 _Jack: Bring Tails doll, Weegee, and some Klonoa characters in here. (your choice of course)_  
 _Sonic: Try to kill Weegee._  
 _Tails: Look at Tails doll face to face without freaking out for as long as Jill wishes._  
 _Tails doll: You have some limitations. You can't take anybody's soul, but you can kill and terrify them in brutal ways._  
 _Weegee: You can't steal people's souls either, but you can do what the Tails doll can do for now. Also, you can talk for as long as you want._  
 _Good day._  
 _-JOSH_

Jack: Alright…and I'm assuming that by Weegee, you mean the Luigi rip-off used on 4chan that can rupture souls and devour minds with his gaze! (summons Weegee onto stage)

Sonic: Is that Mario's brother? (grins) He won't like it too much when I send his head to Peach's Castle! (approaches Weegee)

Weegee: (gazes at Sonic)

Sonic: Gzlssdajoipaw! (starts having a seizure)

Jack: HA! It said Weegee couldn't steal souls, but he could still destroy minds!

Jill: (puts on blindfold) Then we'd better be careful!

Jack: Oh, and as to Klonoa…from what we've Wiki'd about it, none of the characters seem that funny! So…I guess we won't bring any of those on!

Tails Doll: I can't steal souls. But…I like stealing souls.

Jill: Too bad. The reviewer's preventing you from doing so!

Tails Doll cultists: (start writing death threats to JOSH)

Weegee: Thanks for letting me talk, at least!

Tails: (wanders back in from Playgirl) Those (bleep)ing fan girls STILL aren't done with me! What do I have to do now?

Jill: A staring contest with the Tails Doll!

Tails: (rolls eyes) Well, nothing can't be worse than what I've just had to do over at Playgirl! (starts staring contest)

Tails Doll: Fool. I shall crush you like…a crushing-thing.

Tails: A CRUSHING THING?! AUGH! (runs around screaming)

Jill: Damn it, Tails! Why did you have to freak out?

Tails: After what I just experienced at Playgirl, anything can freak me out!

Jack: Which is exactly why you have to go back there again!

Tails: (walks off regrettably)

Jill: Hey…where's Knuckie been this whole time?

Knuckles: (crashes through the stage wall wearing a cape, riding an elephant, and with an army behind him carrying tons of treasure)

Jack: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! And where did you get all that stuff?

Knuckles: I already told you! I'm the Prince of Nigeria!

Jack: (jaw gapes) You mean…you were contacted by the ACTUAL Prince of Nigeria?

Knuckles: Of course! Now I'm Prince Knuckles!

Jack: I'm…just shocked!

Sonic: (walks up to Knuckles) Hey! Could I use some of that money? I need to pay off my bar tab-

Knuckles: SILENCE! Get him, guards!

Guards: (grab Sonic, execute him)

Jill: YAY! I'm a fan girl to a prince!

I'm sure none of you saw THAT ending coming…


	63. McSonic

McSonic

There have been a lot of really funny reviews sent in recently…it's too bad that it's going to take us forever to get to them! I promise I'll get to everyone's reviews someday…it just takes me absolutely forever!

Janitor: (starts cleaning graffiti off of a wall) Damn kids…WHO DID THIS?!

Jack: What does it say on there? Maybe we can figure out the culprit through the message!

Jill: (steps up, reads message) It says "Linkin Park=The Best Band Ever".

Shadow: (shifts eyes around nervously) Ummm…it TOTALLY wasn't me!

Sonic: Damn it, Shadow! Way to go with ruining the stage's walls-

Jill: There's another message written by someone else on here! It says "Chili Dogs FTW"!

Sonic: (disappears in a blue flash)

Jack: (rolls eyes) How much longer will the stupidity continue? Let's get reviewing…

 _Ha! The suffering gets funnier and funnier! Time to contribute some more!_  
 _Mephiles: Where was the necrophilia in chapter 26!? I said have it for 25 and 26! I want you to become Big's slave until you complete a total of three dares the RIGHT WAY, not counting this one. (The truth/dare must specifically have your name as a part of it, or it doesn't count)_  
 _Espio: Become a pirate and kill ninjas!_  
 _Blaze: You're obviously a pyro. You're not allowed to use anything fire related for the next two chapters._  
 _Big: You're extremely fat, but I want you to chow down on McDonald's until your size triples. (You might need to revive him a couple times) After that, I want you to roll over the Sonic characters!_  
 _Vector: Go shoplifting in Saudi Arabia. (They cut off your hands for shoplifting there)_  
 _Tikal: Beat down Rouge with a sledgehammer for using people to steal for her back in chapter 26 after her rehab session. Afterwards duct-tape her mouth shut for two chapters not counting this one to prevent her from ordering anyone else to steal._  
 _Chaos: Kill all of Tikal's family. (Basically, the whole echidna tribe)_  
 _Omega and Gamma: Go help out with the war in Iraq since you're robots._  
 _Tails: I give you the power to control Chuck Norris. How I was able to control Chuck Norris is a secret. You may sick him on anyone you see fit for this chapter, but he must kill Cream._  
 _Tails: Why the (Beep) would you have been jealous of Shadow sleeping with Cream back in chapter 26!? Nobody likes her and Cosmo is better!_  
 _Cosmo: Here, you can use the Deportation Cannon I had in my fic to get rid of any unwanted people. However, I need it back after the chapter's over._  
 _Eggman: Everyone has been talking about how you need a career change, so I think it's time I did something about it! Since everyone knows you're a bond villain ripoff, go to Hollywood and actually become a bond villain._  
 _Jack: How does the fan girl war cause suffering for the Sonic characters when they're not the ones down there fighting? It seems to me that allowing one side to win (CoughCosmoCough) would cause more suffering because it would be very depressing for the losing side. (CoughCreamCough)_  
 _Have fun with the suffering everyone! (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Mephiles: Well…nobody really DIED in that chapter!

Jill: Then you should've killed someone! Well, you now have to do what Big says!

Jack: Hey Big! Meet your new friend, Mephiles!

Big: Uhhhh…Hi!

Mephiles: (sighs) Well, there could be worse characters to serve…

Big: I love fishing! Where's Froggy? (heads off on search of Froggy)

Mephiles: Wow. I got off easy.

Espio: But….I'll be breaking my code of honor!

Jill: Do it or else you'll become the host of "Ask a Ninja"! And trust me…it's pretty humiliating.

Espio: (sighs) I thought we were done with these (bleep)ing pirates in Chapter 48...(puts on bandanna, eye patch) Now for some….um…treasure! Yeah, that's it! (heads off)

-In Naruto's world-

Naruto: BELIEVE IT!

Sasuke: Just…shut up already. Both of you.

Sakura: But why me? I didn't say anything!

Sasuke: You just did. Besides, you're a useless whore. (heads off to emo corner)

Espio: (crashes into room) Arrr! Time for our ultimate brawl of coolness!

Naruto: I'll fight you and win! BELIEVE IT!

Sakura: Sasuke, we need your help! What do you expect me to do, fight? (notices that Sasuke has slit his wrists) Oh…

Naruto: I'm going to pound you, then I'm going to crush you, then I'm going to-(gets his head cut off by a sword)

Sakura: Damn it! Am I going to die now?

Espio: Ummm…I guess not. You seem to hurt the ninjas more than help them, so the smarter move would be to keep you alive! (runs out)

-Back on stage-

Blaze: No fire? (pouts) But I like the flames…(pulls out lighter)

Jill: (grabs lighter) Bad cat! (uses a spray bottle on Blaze)

Blaze: (hisses)

Jack: (reads Big' dare) Yeah…that's going to require a LOT of revivals!

Big: Uhhh…how much do I have to eat?

Jill: Just what Eggman eats in ONE DAY!

Jack: But…how can someone eat that much? Besides Fatty McFattington!

Eggman: (glares)

Jill: (teleports a McDonald's onto stage) Dinner is ready, Big!

Big: YAAAY! (starts eating)

-Many heart attacks later-

Clerk: We need more food! WE'RE RUNNING OUT!

Jack: (shoves the rest of the Sonic characters into McDonald's) Here's some more sources of meat!

Sonic characters: AAAAAAAAAHHHH!

-After Big finally finishes-

Jill: (revives everyone) How was the food?

Big: Uhhhh…It was good. I really liked those chicken nuggets!

Jet: (gives the finger to Big)

Big: That wasn't nice! (rolls over)

Sonic characters: AAAAAAHHH! (get crushed)

Jack: (revives everyone) Cool! In just one dare, we killed everyone TWICE!

Vector: What should I shoplift?

Jill: Just…get some of the best Arabian music…or whatever!

Vector: Well, I'll check to see if they have any rock! (heads to Saudi Arabia)

Tikal: (grabs sledgehammer) I'm going to make the sledgehammer scene in Misery look merciful compared to THIS! (beats down on Rouge)

Rouge: OW! That hurt, you-(gets duct tape over mouth) Mmph!

Jack: (heads over to Chaos) Tikal's looking dangerous…she might hurt the Chao!

Chaos: No! I must kill her-

Jack: Killing her won't work! You'll have to kill everyone in her tribe if you want the Chao to be safe!

Chaos: That's easy! I already did that in the first Sonic Adventure game! (grabs Chaos Emeralds, heads off)

Vector: (comes back on stage with his hands missing) Nobody told me about Saudi laws!

Jill: Ha! That's your fault for not paying attention in civics class!

Vector: (pouts)

Jill: We'll use this ahead of time…(grabs Deportation Cannon, shoots Gamma and Omega into Iraq)

Tails: Chuck Norris? Sweet! Attack, my pet! Kill Charmy!

Charmy: Why me? Haven't I been killed enough? (gets strangled) Well, I get to meet Death again…(dies)

Tails: ANY chick sleeping with ANY other guy makes me jealous!

Jill: You're becoming so egotistical…

Tails: Silence! Now Chuck, make Cream suffer for sleeping with Shadow!

Cream: Mr. Norris, please don't-AUGH! (gets punched deep into the ground, then gets…the dreaded roundhouse kick to the face!)

Cosmo: Well, Cream's dead…so I can't think of any other uses for the cannon! Unless…(grins, then whispers into Tails' ear)

Tails: Kinky…

Jack: Let's continue on! Eggman, you need to finally become the role you've always attempted!

Eggman: Yes! Daniel Craig is about to die…(heads to Hollywood)

Chaos: (comes back onto stage) The Chao are safe!

Tikal: Are you sure? How?

Chaos: The echidna tribe's dead…again!

Tikal: NOOOOOOO! (sobs)

-At Hollywood-

Producer: What are your credentials?

Eggman: Let's see here…I'm a mad scientist, I always make others fight for me, and I'm Russian!

Producer: YOU'RE IN!

-Back on stage-

Eggman: Meet the new head of QUANTUM! (Note to future readers: I know they'll probably have a guy for the head of QUANTUM by your time…but let's just say that Eggman made him "disappear"!)

Jack: Oh joy! Now you get to copy SPECTRE in every way!

Eggman: (glares)

Jack: Hmmm…you're right about what you're saying! But I've got an idea that would cause them even more suffering! (gives all Sonic characters some battle gear) All of you are ENTERING the fan girl war!

Sonic: (mutters) Stupid Tails…not deciding who he likes!

Jill: GET GOING, SCUMBAGS! (sends everyone into battlefield)

Jack: Wait…where did Tails and Cosmo go?

Janitor: (looks in Deportation Cannon's barrel) AUGH! YOU (bleep)ING KIDS! Is there anywhere you won't have sex?

Tails: Honestly? No.

Cosmo: (heads out of cannon putting on her dress) That was fun!

Jack: Super Dragon's not going to like the condition we returned his cannon in…or maybe he will! Who knows?

-One giant battle later-

Jill: (revives everyone) Let's get to the last of the reviews for Chapter 26!

 _The one with tails doll and weegee is mine_  
 _I forgot some things:_  
 _Charmy I don't see why everybody hates you so much so:_  
 _Charmy gets to shoot anybody anywhere anytime with an acid gun whenever he wants (hands acid gun to Charmy) and you all can't do squat,_  
 _Charmy gets to do 10 things of his choosing with no consequences and can keep the acid gun for 6 chapters_  
 _-JOSH_

Charmy: (gets revived, then grabs acid gun) HAHAHA! Time for some vengeance!

Knuckles: So? That gun can't be nearly as good as my gun show! (kisses biceps)

Jack: Stop acting like Dwight Schrute from The Office and DUCK! (gets onto ground)

Knuckles: I'll just sic my army on him! GO, NIGERIANS!

Charmy: (shoots down entire army with acid gun)

Knuckles: (jaw gapes) I didn't think that the Nigerian army would suck! Awww...

Charmy: (commits a massacre on the fan girl battlefield by spraying acid everywhere) Now for my 10 demands…sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, and caffeine!

Jill: Tails! We need your skills as a drug mule to get the sugar that Charmy needs!

Tails: (rolls eyes) Fine! (heads to Columbia)

Jack: Why are you going to Columbia for sugar? Can't you just go to the nearest grocery store?

Tails: Don't question my methods! (runs to grocery store)

-One giant sugar delivery later-

Charmy: (makes Sonic look like a turtle in comparison) HIGUYSBYEGUYS! (zooms off)

 _(bleep) awesome its me necrophillia kill sonic have silver cvheat on blaze and have sex with amy get her prengent_  
 _-revan blackheart_

Silver: Sex with Amy? That's a horrifying thought…

Jill: (dumps blue paint on Silver) But not impossible! You'd better run, Sonic!

Silver: But I'm not Sonic-AUGH! (gets dragged into closet by Amy)  
Amy: OMG, Sonic! You let your hair grow! For that sexy new move, I'm going to make this night EXTRA SPECIAL!

Silver: NOOOOOOOOO!

Amy: Ahhh…you're screaming just like usual!

-Later-

Amy: (slaps Jack) You should've told me that was Silver before I let him knock me up!

Jill: Just go to Juno with him already!

Amy: (walks off pouting)

Jack: Silver's such a crybaby, he'll do horribly at that role! Just you wait and see…

 _I dare Shadow to marry Big._  
 _-Pokelad_

Shadow: (eyes widen) You never know when the yaoi fan base will come for you…

Blaze: At least you only have to MARRY him! (shudders at memories)

Yaoi fan girls: (run onto stage, take Shadow and Big to a wedding chapel)

Big: Uhhh…is Froggy here?

Shadow: (sighs) You idiot!

Mephiles: At least you're not stuck being his slave!

Shadow: (grins) Oh yeah…then this isn't so bad!

Mephiles: (gives Shadow the finger)

-One wedding later-

Jill: What are we doing for the post-review part of the chapter now?

Jack: Well, I thought we should show everyone here a piece of Sonic history!

Jill: What thing?

Jack: How that "Sonic Sez" thing from "The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" was created!

Jill: From the fiery depths of hell?

Jack: Yes, that too, but I've got a video here explaining everything! (puts in video)

-On the video (Note: Imagine this being in black-and-white with a narrator like the ones you hear in those old 1950s educational videos)-

Narrator: Today's lesson is :The Creation of Sonic Sez! It was the 1990s. On the show, they were running an episode of "The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" while one of the writers backstage was writing a love letter to his wife. He had ended it with this message:

Writer: P.S. Don't touch someone else's balls!

Narrator: He then got up and put the letter into what he thought was the mail slot. What he didn't realize was that he had put it in the slot NEXT to the mail slot, which created the background images for the show. Why this was set up in that way is a wonder to all of us.

Big: Uhhh…I was in charge of the slot placement!

Narrator: Oh…never mind! Suddenly, the background was changed as Sonic was wrapping up.

Sonic: And so that's the end of our episod-(turns around) WHAT?!

Narrator: The bottom part of the letter, warning against touching balls, filled up the entire screen behind Sonic. Sonic had to think quickly, or the show would be cancelled for good. So he said:

Sonic: Ummm…Remember kids: Don't touch someone else's balls!

Narrator: After the show, Sonic felt so disgraced from sending the show to a new bottom that he tried killing himself.

Sonic: (sits on a chair on stage, pulls out a gun) How could I have let such a horrible thing occur on this show? Well, this is the end…

Narrator: Just then, Sonic was interrupted by a voice.

Knuckles: STOP!

Sonic: Knuckles, you're not going to convince me out of killing myself.

Knuckles: That's not what I'm trying to do. I'm just wondering…when you're gone, can I take over the show?

Sonic: No, Tails is going to take it over.

Knuckles: WHAT?! I can't let that fox boy have control over this show! (tackles Sonic, starts struggling with him)

Narrator: In the struggle, Knuckles grabbed Sonic's hand that was holding the gun, and started breaking all of his fingers.

Sonic: AAAAAHHH! (cracking sounds continue)

Narrator: Meanwhile, backstage, Sonic's yell of "Aaaaahhhh" was mistranslated as "Open the curtain". How this happened is a mystery-

Big: Uhhh…I also had control of the curtains!

Narrator: Mystery solved! So the curtains were opened with Sonic still having a gun in his mouth, and Knuckles holding him back.

Knuckles: (looks out at audience) Oh! Um…Remember, kids, don't commit suicide!

Narrator: Sonic was trying with all of his willpower to pull the trigger, but his fingers were unfortunately broken. After that showing, Sonic Sez became a new part of the show! Wait…what stopped Sonic from killing himself after this?

Knuckles: (holds up a pill bottle of Prozac)

Narrator: Ohhhh…that makes sense!

Sonic: I feel so…blissful! I could teach morals to kids all day!

Narrator: And THAT…is how Sonic Sez was made! Balls, attempted suicide, and drugs!

-End of film-

Jack: That was a good look at it! And now for some bad news...I'm going away on vacation for a week!

Sonic characters: (celebrating)

Jack: This means that we won't be able to do St. Patrick's Day this year...so we'll just do the stuff most of those reviews would have made us do anyways!

Jill: Like what?

Jack: First...(chops off Cream's foot) Second...(shoves Cosmo into a weed shredder, cuts her up into four-leaf clovers) Last...(forces Tails into a leprechaun outfit)

Jill: St. Patrick's Day is complete!

Jack: (packs up) Just you wait, Sonic characters...I'll be back in a week!

The idea for the "Sonic Sez" film literally came to me in a dream! I'm actually not kidding! Anyways…as I already said, I'm going to be gone for a week on the aforementioned vacation! But once I get back from vacation, I promise I'll start typing again! Peace out, everyone…


	64. Goodbye

Goodbye

If you are reading this, I am posting the final chapter of Sonic: Truth or Dare. Within 48 hours of the time this is posted, I will delete this fic. I have been reported by a user called "The Ninth Layer" and have decided that I might as well delete the fic rather than risk getting my entire account deleted, which would mean an end to the Sonic Adventure parody. From the very beginning, I knew that what we were doing was illegal on FanFiction…but I did it anyways! This is because I think there is much better comedy in combining many minds together rather than using just one mind for a fic. Also, I was too busy in my life to not write in script format…this fic probably wouldn't be even up to 30 chapters by now if I had chosen to write it in the normal style! Well…here's the last scene!

-At a graveyard-

Everyone: (surrounding a grave, crying)

Janitor: (plays "Amazing Grace" on bagpipes in the background)

Jack: Brothers and sisters, we gather here today to remember a great fanfiction. There were many great moments, and the impact of this fic has reached all over the Sonic fandom. It will be missed.

Jill: (lowers coffin into ground while tearing up)

Sonic: I…I can't believe it's over!

-On tombstone-

 _R.I.P._  
 _Sonic: Truth or Dare_  
 _"All good things must come to an end"_

Shadow: (shudders from memories) I wouldn't call it so good…

Tails: Shut up, Shadow! My pimping days on this fic are over…and so are yours!

Shadow: (fetal position) Maria!

Jill: (glomps Knuckles) THIS CAN'T BE! I'll never let you go, Knuckie, never!

Knuckles: (pushes Jill off) I'm sorry…

-After funeral-

Jack: Well…that's it!

Jill: I'm still shocked…we've gone through so much, only for it to end now!

Jack: I don't know what will happen now…I mean, did we do the right thing? What was the point of this fic? Maybe it was all a waste…

Jill: Don't say that. We've inspired hundreds, perhaps thousands of people around the world! The Sonic part of FanFiction will never be the same, thanks to us! Now EVERYONE is torturing the Sonic characters in their own fics!

Jack: (looks at all other Sonic: Truth or Dare fan fictions, then grins) Maybe tomorrow will be a good day after all.

That's all, folks! Unless you decide to save this somewhere on your computer (like a Word document or something), this could be the last time you see this fic with your own eyes. We might repost this fic and work on it again someday…but it depends on many factors! If we ever do start this up again, we do promise that we will get to the hundreds of reviews that we couldn't get to during the writing of this fic. It's been a great six months…and I thank everyone who's contributed to this! This great achievement would not be around without all of your help! This fic managed to get into 2 C2s, 58 Story Alerts, 111 favorite story lists, over 38000 hits, and 790 reviews…all in just the span of six months! I am grateful for all of you that have enjoyed this, as this fic is truly the greatest thing I have ever written! Goodbye, everyone!

Yours,

jackattack555


	65. We're Back?

We're Back?

Just one hour before I would've deleted this fic…I read the reviews you guys had sent! Is it true that the FFNet people don't care? I'm kind of surprised by that. But if so…WE'RE BACK, BABY!

Jack: (packing up stuff) Hey! We got a PM from Trauts!

Jill: Really? What does it say?

 _I know your probably getting a flood of E-mail and PM's anyway, but I hope togod you read this!_  
 _Listen, I can ASSURE you that low-lifes have been reporting this story forMONTHS now! The reason why it hasn't already been deleted is PURELY becausethe officials. Don't. Care! This is a great story on this website, and they'renot going to do a thing about it! I can PROMISE you! And the LAST thingthey'll do is shut down your entire account when they coul simply just stopthe story!_  
 _Listen to reason! YOU save this on a WORD document just in case, but leave iton and it WILL NOT be shut down!_  
 _I still hope you get this, and I hope you listen to my advice!_

Jack: Also, we've got these messages…

 _Damn... and I thought that you would live on! If you want to do this, then doit but I'll tell you one thing... WHO REALLY GIVES A ** ABOUT THE RULES! I'mnot trying to say this just to keep you doing your Truth or Dare fic, I'mtrying to tell you that what I had just said implies to the people that rulethis, too! I'll put it this way... Truth or Dare fanfics are what mostlyattract peoples' attention in the Humor category. More attention means morereviewers. More reviewers means more money and fame! So in short, why wouldyou disallow anything that makes you rich and famous? They must be bonkers! Ijust think that it's a pretty USELESS rule! But if they ARE not payingattention to these things, it makes sense because of how long your storylasted! I think that the administrators don't really care about this, to behonest! So unless if you received a threatening letter from FFNet themselves,I think you have little to worry about. But hey, it's your decision... this isjust my opinion! I will miss your story... great inspiration!_  
 _-JSandders_

 _I agree with the reviewer below me(JSandders). Unless FFnet has sent you a letterthemselves, there is no prove you're actually going to be banned or have youraccount deleted. Maybe give some time and this'll just blow over..._  
 _-Pokelad_

 _me again, a have to that i agree with kernalsanders a.k.a jsanders_  
 _-Chintara_

Jill: Well, we haven't received any letters…so they don't care! We thought we were gone…and then we've suddenly been brought back!

Jack: Now we just have to get the Sonic characters back…

-On Coney Island-

Announcer: And now, the winner of the Nathan's Hot Dog Contest is…Sonic the Hedgehog!

Sonic: YES!

Announcer: Oh wait, that's the runner-up! Whoops! The winner is the usual, "that-one-Japanese-guy"

Sonic: But I'm Japanese!

Takeru Kobayashi: (takes prize) But not as much as I am! HA!

Sonic: (pouts)

Shadow: (takes picture grinning) I am SO glad I came here! (notices Jack arriving) AUGH! Never mind!

Sonic: Could this day get any worse?

Jack: Yes it could. We're starting again. You know the deal! (holds up contract)

Sonic: Damn. So much for my plans to piss on the grave…I MEAN, decorate it with flowers!

-Later-

Rouge: (wakes up) Damn it! This is my third van kidnapping in a week! (rolls eyes) Let's just get to the questions already. How many times do you want to have sex with me and how much money do you want G.U.N. to give this time for ransom-JACK?!

Jack: Yes. Apparently the FanFiction authorities don't care about this.

Rouge: (sighs) Well, that sucks for me. Can you at least stop looking down my shirt?

Jack: (looks away) I wasn't looking down your shirt! I was looking at some…um…(runs off)

-On stage-

Janitor: (cleans up stage) Those damn kids! Thinking they're done for and then finding out that they're not…MAKE UP YOUR (bleep)ING MINDS!

Jill: Oh, we have. TIME TO TORTURE SOME SONIC CHARACTERS!

Again, thanks to all of you who reviewed (not just the ones I showed)…you saved this fic from being wiped out! And as usual, all of you reading this can always review for this fic! It'll take several months to get to it…but reviewing one day will get it up here quicker than reviewing the next(with the exception being events)! Well, time to continue from the apparent non-setback…


	66. Excuse me Princess!

Excuse me, Princess!

Let's get typing!

Jack: (looks through recent reviews, then blinks) My Author Powers are sexy?

Jill: Hell yes!

Jack: I'm so happy, I could kill Amy! (shoots Amy) Oh wait, I did!

 _I promised a special dare for you in my fic, Jack. So I've got it here, along with the suffering of everyone else!_  
 _Jack: You can sleep with Rouge whenever and however often you want for the rest of this chapter. I wouldn't mind having Blaze to myself, though. (Puppy dog eyes (yes, I'm a Blaze fan boy))_  
 _Jet: Your friends Wave and Storm have ratted you out and told the police where you are. You'd better start running. (Don't tell them, but I called the cops)_  
 _Sonic: (Fill some chilidogs with ALOT of pesticides and feed them to him)_  
 _Charmy: Go meet death and give him a hug._  
 _Knuckles: You're an idiot and would be completely useless were it not for the fact that you are strong. Have a contest of strength against the strongest man in the world. (Make sure Knuckles loses)_  
 _Amy: (Give Amy a large injection of steroids and see what happens)_  
 _Rouge: Sleep with ALL the guys in plain view of everyone so that they can post videos of it everywhere!_  
 _Shadow: (Give Shadow a large injection of Estrogen and see what happens)_  
 _Cream: (Convince Cream that she doesn't have a snowball's chance in heck of ever getting with Tails)_  
 _Metal Sonic: Go on who wants to be a millionaire and win. Then give the money to Tails so that he can afford to make more stuff._  
 _Froggy: Send Froggy off to a pet store as a chew toy._  
 _Tails: You really seemed to like your meat back in chapter 27. Go ahead and eat EVERYONE this time around! (Except Cosmo because she's a plant, but eat the robots)_  
 _Silver: Go to the past and MAKE ELISE CRY!_  
 _Have fun suffering, everyone! (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jack: That makes a warm welcome from vacation!

Jill: You're always so horny!

Jack: (glares) Well, EXCUSE ME, PRINCESS!

Jill: (tackles Jack, starts punching him) Never say that horrible line from the Zelda series ever again!

Jack: OW! I'm sorry! (takes Rouge into closet)

Jet: (reads message) What?! Those bastards! (runs from sirens)

Jill:…What did he do?

Wave: (scoffs) AH! You think, like, I know? Geez-uh!

Storm: If I say anytin' about dis, da boss'll make me sleep wid da fishes!

Jill: (glares) Stop ripping off Mafia henchmen everywhere! Oh, and Sonic…(hands over chili dogs)

Sonic: (swallows chili dogs, collapses) I'm…a pest?

Jack: (runs out of closet) By the technical definition, yes! Hedgehogs are pests to yards!

Sonic: Damn it! (dies)

-Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…or inches, whichever is more believable-

Jet: (getting handcuffed by a police car) What have you guys got on me?

Officer: Public disturbance!

Jet: PUBLIC DISURBANCE?! What do you mean by public disturbance-

Officer: (covering ears) AUGH! That voice is so annoying! Somebody, PLEASE put some duct tape over that mouth!

Everyone: (running from Jet's voice)

Jet: I can't control how my voice is-Mmph! (gets a gag put into mouth)

Officer: Phew! I saved the public from this menace!

-Back on stage-

Charmy: Cool! He's always fun to chat with! (approaches Death and glomps him) Howdy! (turns into a skeleton)

Knuckles: Yes! I get to show off my guns again!

Pudzianowski: (lifts entire stage)

Knuckles: (gulps, then looks around nervously) I…need to go…wash my…corn…(runs off)

Jack: What the (bleep)? Knuckles is starting to sound more and more like Homer Simpson…

Pudzianowski: HA! I win! Now I have to go do my normal weightlifting! (puts two 18-wheeler trucks on the ends of a bar, starts lifting)

Jill: Wow…this guy might actually gain a fraction of Chuck Norris' strength!

Jack: (injects Amy with steroids) Excuse me while I move off the planet! (runs off)

Amy: (muscles burst forward) RAUGH! (grabs a revived Sonic)

Sonic: AHHHHH! You broke my arm! (gets dragged into closet)

-Later-

Amy: (drags a facedown Sonic out of closet)

Jill: Um…why isn't he moving?

Amy: I think I might've broken every bone in his body during our sex.

Jack: (runs onto stage) Cool! We have a new fur rug! (jumps onto Sonic)

Sonic: (vows for vengeance)

Rouge: (rolls eyes) Like I haven't been in enough porn already…

Guys: (pounce onto Rouge)

Jack: (throws Sonic into crowd, then watches from a distance) Wow...those guys are really going at it!

Jill: How could Knuckie join that? I hate this!

-Later-

Shadow: (smoking) Ahhh…these carcinogens make me feel so good…

Jack: (injects Shadow with estrogen) I'm both intrigued and scared as to what will happen!

Shadow: (clutches chest) This doesn't feel good…

Jack: (backs off) I think he's turning into a chick!

Jill: You'd better go and get some surgery before you start looking like Garrison from South Park!

Shadow: (runs off)

Jack: Now to convince Cream…and I know just the group that can do it! FANGIRLS! (takes Cream to a TailsCosmo teach-in)

-On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire-

Vieira: Our next guess is one of SEGA's most famous Terminator rip-offs, Metal Sonic!

Metal Sonic: Hello. Let us start this game. Fist question: A. Second question: C. Third question: A. Fourth ques-

Vieira: WAIT! How do you know what the answers are when we haven't even read the questions yet?

Metal Sonic: I'm chatting with the answer computer right now. Aw yeah, baby…let's keep sharing electrodes.

Vieira: I don't even want to know what they're doing…

-Later-

Vieira: HA! We just changed the million dollar question so that the computer doesn't know the answer!

Metal Sonic: Damn. I guess I'll have to answer it…

Vieira: Now, for a million dollars…WHAT, is the average flight speed of a sparrow?

Metal Sonic: African or European.

Vieira: Well, I don't know that-AHHHHHH! (chairs dumps over, sends her down a fiery pit of doom)

Metal Sonic: Um…I guess I win a million dollars.

-Back on stage-

Cream: (fetal position) Cosmo…is better…(gets up) Hey Shadow, can I use one of your guns for a second?

Shadow: Sure, you can use Bridget! (hands over gun) Just be careful…the inside of her barrel is still is a little wet from last night when she and I-

Jack: WHOA! Too much information, Mr. Trigger-Happy!

Shadow: (glares)

Cream: (shoots self)

Metal Sonic: (hands money over to Tails)

Tails: What do you mean "make more stuff"? Can't I use the money for pimping?

Jill: Nope.

Tails: Damn! Well, I guess I'll just have to outdo Bill Gates and Steve Jobs in computer-building again…(heads off)

Jack: (grins) I like this dare for Froggy! It's perfectly evil…(shoves Froggy into a box, sends him to PETCO)

-At PETCO-

Little kid: (throws Froggy to dog) Fetch, boy!

Froggy: (gets bitten by dog) Ribbit! (Translation: THE PAIN! Why must I always suffer at the hands of idiotic animals?)

Little kid: Cool! That toy's blood looks so real! Mommy, Daddy, I WANT IT!

-Back on stage-

Jack: Speaking of doggies…(throws beef jerky at Tails) Fetch, boy!

Tails: (barks, grab beef and eats it) RAWR!

Jack: (moves off of planet with Jill)

Tails: (makes Hannibal the Cannibal seem like a vegetarian)

-Many revivals later-

Silver: But….how do I do that? The only way to do that is kill Sonic, which is what I was trying to do pretty much the entire time!

Jill: Well, then find another way!

-In the year of the Sonicpocalypse(2006)-

Elise: (in psychologist's office) Well, my problem is that I seem to have trouble resisting spiky-haired things!

Psychologist: Really? When did this start?

Elise: I think it started back in my childhood. You see, I knew this one boy named Sora and this other boy named Riku and we grew up together on an island until some black creatures came and-

Psychologist: get to the part about spiky hair.

Elise: Oh! Well, Sora had spiky hair, and apparently I was supposed to act completely useless and let him save me so that we could fall in love! And I was a princess in that kingdom too!

Psychologist: (scribbling) So…you think that your attraction to Sora caused you to later have this attraction to anything with spiky hair?

Elise: I guess.

Silver: (barges in) STOP RIGHT THERE!

Psychologist: Who the hell are you?

Elise: And what's that thing growing out of your head? Are you a unicorn?

Silver: NO! That's just my hairstyle! (pouts)

Jack: (in future) Elise made HIM cry? This is going to be trouble…

Silver: (sniffs) Well…you're a creepy rip-off! And you use horrible makeup!

Elise: (gasps) How dare you say that about my makeup!

Silver: And that dress? SO fifty minutes ago! (snaps fingers)

Jack: (in future) Anyone still think that Silver isn't gay?

Everyone: (silence)

Elise: Stop insulting my looks!

Silver: What? So you can continue to annoy us all?

Elise: (sobs, releases Iblis)

Silver: Not you again-AUGH!

-Back on stage-

Jill: That took us a long time…a VERY long time!

 _Hey guys Tylerboy593 is here for a little more torture,_  
 _Sonic: Have the Boogeyman put worms in your mouth._  
 _Shadow: go join the U.S. Marines and let them push you around_  
 _Silver: I will let you off the hook, i feel you deserve a break, Plus everyone feels bad for you._  
 _Amy: Ask Knuckles if he wants to do it with you then put a video camera in the closet so Jill can watch._  
 _Knuckles: Go get killed by Jill, then get kicked in the balls!_  
 _Tails: Beat Whoever is World Heavyweight Champion in WWE and become that champion._  
 _Blaze: Go in the closet with Silver and have sex, I feel bad for him, not you!_  
 _I have a question for Cream & Tails: _  
_What would you guys say that you are one of my favorite Sonic X characters?_  
 _-Tylerboy593_

Sonic: Where's the Boogeyman at?

Jill: The closet, of course!

Sonic: Oh boy…(opens a closet door) AHHH! (sees Boogeyman) Oh, phew! For a second, I thought Amy might be in there!

Boogeyman: (grabs Sonic, then shoves a fistful of worms into his mouth)

Sonic: Mmph! (throws up) I feel like a contestant on Fear Factor…

Shadow: (back from surgery) The Marines? What are they like?

Jack: It's the opportunity to use a lot of even bigger guns…legally!

Shadow: Really? Awesome! (heads to boot camp)

Silver: Yay! Thanks for the break!

Jack: Didn't you realize that he also insulted you in that sentence?

Silver: What? But I…(pouts)

Amy: With Knuckles? But…Sonic will be mad!

Jack: I don't think he'd be as upset as you would think…

Amy: Still, I don't like him! And I don't think he wants to have sex with me!

Jack: (hypnotizes Amy)

Amy: Hey Knuckles, do you want to do it?

Knuckles: Um…hmm…

Shoulder angel: Don't do it, Knuckles! She's a crazed fan girl!

Shoulder devil: Do it, man! Jill's also a crazed fan girl, but that doesn't stop you two from having sex!

Shoulder angel: But Jill will murder you when she finds out!

Shoulder devil: Or maybe…you could convince them to get in a threesome with you!

Knuckles: (grins) I like this guy's idea! (flicks angel off of shoulder) Let's go, Amy! (heads into closet)

Jill: (looks at video footage) How could he? HE'S DEAD! (charges into closet)

Knuckles: Yes, Jill's here! Now we can have a hot, steamy threeso-AUGH! Last I remember, sex doesn't involve kicking and punching me! OWWWWW! Or stabbing me!

-At boot camp-

Commander: Private Shadow, show off your skill by going through this obstacle course!

Shadow: (uses Chaos Control to get across)

Commander: Wow! Also, when did you get so good at fighting?

Shadow: I already did this stuff while training for G.U.N!

Commander: Really? What's the best move that you can do?

Shadow: Chaos…Blast!

-Back on stage-

Shadow: And THAT'S how I killed my whole squadron and got kicked out of the Marines!

Jill: Who's the Heavyweight Champion right now?

Jack: Let's check here…it's Edge! No, now it's Batista! No, now it's Triple H! Now it's Edge again! GAH, this keeps changing!

Edge: (walks onto sage) What's the script?

Jill: Tails wins.

Tails: (sets up arena) Let's go!

Edge: (climbs up onto arena)

Tails: (pokes Edge)

Edge: (falls over) I lost!

Blaze: Well, I've got to start having more sex…though Super Dragon's probably going to kill Silver!

Silver: Sex with Blaze? Why do you pity me? (heads into a closet with Blaze pouting)

Cream: (revived) That's pretty cool!

Tails: I'm the favorite of almost every fan girl in existence!

Shadow: No, I am!

Tails: No, I am! (continues arguing with Shadow)

 _1) Make shadow go to the closet with Amy_  
 _2) Make Soinc listen to a never ending loop of "feel good inc" by the gorillaz until his eaar explodes and he dies! (note: he cant be revived until end of chapter!)_  
 _3) Make Tails decide who he likes more out of Cream and Cosmo, whoever he doeesnt choose gets their head blown off by a shotgun by Tails!_  
 _P.S: THIS STORY ROX!_  
 _-Disciple98_

Shadow: Aw (bleep)! I get stuck with the fan girl…

Jack: (grabs Shadow, throws him into the closet Amy was in) Here's Sonic for you!

Amy: YAAAAAAY!

Shadow: AHHHHHHH!

Amy: Oh Sonic, you're screaming just as usual! How romantic!

Sonic: (puts on headphones) Hmmm…sounds a bit emo…maybe Shadow would like this! Though the maniacal laughing in this song is kind of annoying…

Jill: Well, you have to keep listening to that until your ear explodes!

Sonic: What? I'm more likely to kill myself because of this song before having my ear explode from it!

Jack: Well, that's what the dare says!

Sonic: (sighs) This is going to take awhile…

Tails: Hmmm...I've got too many fans supporting either side! But since I already killed Cosmo, I guess I'll see what killing Cream is like!

Cream: (gets shot by Tails)

Jill: Sweet! Could this get any more violent?

Sonic: (ear suddenly explodes)

Jill: YAY!

-Later-

Shadow: (runs out of closet) Stupid…(bleep)ing…fan girls!

Jack: Back to the subject of Cosmo…I've got my own dare for her!

Cosmo: For me? What is it?

Jack: Since you're an alien…I'VE CALLED THE MEN IN BLACK ON YOUR LEAFY ASS!

Cosmo: (bleep)!

Jack: They should be here right about…NOW! (MIB agents arrive)

K: Where's the disturbance?

J: (points to Cosmo) Right there! Where's your ID?

Cosmo: Um…I don't have one.

K: You're not registered? Then we'll have to take you into custody! (grabs Cosmo)

J: (faces everyone) Now if you all will just look at this-HEY! Where did my Neuralyzer go?

K: I'll take care of this! (puts hand in pocket) Mine's gone too!

Jack: (holds up both Neuralyzers) Suckers! (flashes one into Shadow's face)

Shadow: (blinks) WHO ARE ALL OF YOU? Where's Maria? And how did I get outside of the ARK?!

Jack: Awesome! (tinkers around with Neuralyzer, then uses it again on Shadow)

Shadow: (fetal position) Maria!

Jack: Cool! I can take away and give back memories with these!

K: The Neuralyzer is not a toy.

Jack: It is NOW! (start using the Neuralyzers on all of the Sonic characters)

-Later-

All Sonic characters: (confused, arguing with each other)

Jill: How can you be sure that you can bring all of their memories of this fic back?

Jack: (uses Neuralyzers on all Sonic characters again)

All Sonic characters: (cowering in fetal position)

Jack: By the looks of it, they've definitely got their memories of this fic back! Sweet!

We were going to do another review this chapter, but then we noticed that this chapter was dragging on too long!


	67. A bad chapter for Sonic

A bad chapter for Sonic

Damn ACT test! All of this studying just to get into college…

Chip: (bloodshot eyes) Must…get…CHOCOLATE!

Jill: Keeping him away from chocolate for a few weeks was a genius idea!

Jack: I'm not sure if I want to run away from him or shoot him first! (shoots Chip) It's decided!

 _wow thats alot of hits. but on to the reviews_  
 _Amy: still be a yaoi fan and take shads and sonic for a spin_  
 _Shads: take on of Rouge sexist outfits and wear it for the next 4 ch_  
 _Sonic: go to the sega producers and ask to be redawn (into a anamal crossing pink cat)_  
 _Tails: kill Amy, Cream, and Blaze, for anything they have done to you_  
 _Knuckles: Be Amy's slave and no sex for this entire ch_  
 _Eggman: hang over a lave pit filled with sharks_  
 _Rouge: get super glued to eggman_  
 _Cosmo: beat up tails for what he did to you_  
 _Silver: be Jack's slave_  
 _Omega and Gamma: kill the fan girls_  
 _Froggy: act like link for this entire ch_  
 _chaos: battle blaze_  
 _Blaze: through froggy into the fan girls_  
 _Tikal: become a cheerleader for football_  
 _Jill: form the fangirls into 2 groups (litary) and make them have a war against each other_  
 _Jack: don't kill any one for this entire ch but you can do any thing else to them_  
 _O and Congartulation!_  
 _-XxSpiritWolfxX_

Jack: That was congratulating me for 10000 hits…and now this fic is over 40000 hits!

Amy: (grabs both Sonic and Shadow by the tail) It's time for some FUN with you two! (drags them into closet)

Sonic: Not again!

Shadow: (from inside closet) No…I'm not putting that on!

Amy: Then I'll force it on you!

Shadow: AHHHHHHH!

Yaoi fan girls: (start to like Amy)

-Later-

Amy: (kicks Shadow and Sonic out of closet)

Everyone: (laughs at Shadow's new outfit)

Shadow: (looks down at outfit) This is horrible…(fetal position) Maria!

Sonic: Redrawn? But…my original self made them huge!

Jack; You have to do it, man! Besides, that reminds me…I've got a little question for Yuji Naka that I'll ask at the end of this chapter!

Sonic: (walks off depressed)

Tails: Well, I guess we could all use a murderous rampage or two…(pulls out a machine gun, fires at Amy, Cream, and Blaze)

Amy: (gets shot, then is revived) Owww! That hurt…

Jack: Apparently you get a slave…

Knuckles: (pouts) First I get killed for having sex with her, now this?

Amy: First of all…get me every Sonic plushie you can find! Then, we can start discussing how to decorate my Sonic shrine…

Knuckles: (walks off with a giant to do list)

Jill: That list is almost as big as the list of reviews we still have to go through! Almost…

Jack: And now Rouge has to use the super glue!

Rouge: (rolls eyes) What do I have to be stuck to?

Jill: Eggman! (paints Eggman's front with super glue, then shoves Rouge onto him)

Eggman: Well, at least this is better than when I was stuck to Amy…

Jill: And now I get to kill both of you! (drags Rouge and Eggman to a volcano)

Jack: Lava sharks? How the (bleep) do we get those? Even regular sharks are a problem to get, with the whole endangered species thing and so on…

Chuck Norris: No law can stop me, not even the laws of physics!

Jack: Phew! NOW we have someone to get us some lava sharks!

Chuck Norris: (throws some lava sharks into volcano)

-In volcano-

Eggman: (hanging onto a rope) Stupid everybody…making me suffer like this!

Rouge: I'm suffering from this more than you are…AND STOP LOOKING DOWN MY SHIRT!

Eggman: (looks away) Umm…well, we're going to die anyways!

Rouge: (slaps Eggman, causing him to let go)

-Back on stage-

Jack: I'm surprised he held on for that long!

Cosmo: For which thing?

Jill: Probably all of the times that he's had sex with Cream!

Cosmo: Okay. (pulls out a spiked glove, punches Tails in his "sensitive part")

Tails: (falls onto ground) OWWW! (sniffs) But expecting me not to have sex is like expecting Shadow not to smoke, or Eggman not to eat, or-

Shadow: HEY! Don't drag me into this! (burns a cigarette in Tails' eye)

Tails: AHHHHH!

Silver: His slave? For what?

Jack: Aw man! I don't want SILVER for a slave! He sucks at everything he does! Whether it's trying to kill Sonic, or trying to save the world, or trying to run!

Silver: (pouts)

Jack: See what I mean? (grins) Although…Silver, why don't you go get me some drugs?

Silver: Why?

Jack: Mostly, I just want to see how horrible you are at being a drug mule! Now go!

Silver: (walks off)

Omega: (charges up gun) Ready to kill more annoyances. (starts firing upon fan girl crowd)

Gamma: (also firing) This will do a good service to the world.

Fan girls: (make a British soccer riot seem passive)

Froggy: (puts on a green hat) Ribbit! (Translation: A lot of grunting)

Jill: Hey! Link didn't do a lot of grunting in chapter 29!

Jack: (rolls eyes) You really think this story is trying to be consistent? (laughs)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Where's Ganondorf?)

Jill: (glomps Froggy) He looks so cute!

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: AUGH! A powerful boss!)

Blaze: (revived) Fight, fight, and fight! Is that all we're doing now?

Jack: Just get into the battle!

Blaze: (throws a fireball at Chaos)

Chaos: (grabs Blaze with one hand, start beating the crap out of her)

Jack: Aaaaaand…STOP! Now, time for Froggy to suffer!

Blaze: (kicks Froggy into the fan girls crowd)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: NO! Not the fan girls! I'd fight any monster before the fan girls!)

Silver: (comes back shuddering) Tijuana…is not a fun place! I had to shove a certain something in somewhere that never should be used for that purpose!

Jill: Did it burst?

Silver: (nods, then shudders)

Jack: (rolls around laughing)

Sonic: (comes in as a pink cat)

Jack: (laughs even harder) I'm…(gasp)…dying over here! HAHAHA!

Sonic: Just shut up already. All of you. (heads off to corner to find some blue paint)

Tikal: (holds up cheerleader outfit) I have to wear this?

Jack: Of course! It makes you look hot!

Tikal: (puts on outfit) What else do I have to do?

Jill: Act completely preppy! Just ask Amy for advice!

Amy: (glares)

Jack: Finally…you have to really put out for guys! A lot!

Tikal: (jaw gapes)

Jill: Have a fun time! (sends Tikal to the nearest football team)

Knuckles: (tows in many plushies) Here you go, your craziness!

Amy: (jumps into pile of plushies) YAY!

Knuckles: Hey Shadow, can you teach me how to smoke? I'm gonna need it this chapter…

Shadow: Sure. (heads off stage with Knuckles)

Jill: And as to the next dare…(looks at the war between TailsCosmo and TailsCream fans) I think we've already done that very well!

Jack: NO KILLING? But what will I do with all of the rocket launchers I found? (pouts)

Jill: There, there…you'll have later chapters to commit horrible atrocities on the Sonic characters!

Jack: (sniffs) Really? Thanks!

 _Wow, this fic is awesome! Anyway, I got some dares and questions, but let's start with the dares..._  
 _Shadow, I dare you to make out with Amy and see how Sonic will react._  
 _Rouge, I dare you to kiss Knuckles and see how Shadow will react._  
 _Amy, I dare you to take Sonic to your hidden Dominatrix room and "have a good time with him"._  
 _Tails and Charmy, I dare you two to do a Dragon Ball Z brawl! The winner gets to sleep with Cream (or Cosmo)!_  
 _Questions:_  
 _Sonic, can you run fast without your shoes?_  
 _Knuckles, if you could change your fur color, what color would it be?_  
 _Shadow, will you ever smile like a good boy?_  
 _Eggman, why are you so ugly?_  
 _And that's it. See you next time when I have more suffering for everyone!_  
 _MUHAHAHAHAHA!-From anime2videogames. Thanks ^^_

Shadow: (downs some whisky) I'm going to need a lot of alcohol after this dare! (grabs Amy, makes out with her)

Sonic: (comes back as himself) Damn it!

Jack: I thought you would be happy to get away from that crazed fan girl!

Sonic: I normally would, but…he's doing too good at kissing! I don't want my fan base to be completely taken away by him!

Jill: Too late. That happened a LONG time ago!

Sonic: (pouts)

Rouge: If he gets pissed off, this'll be hilarious! (kisses Knuckles)

Shadow: (continues drinking more whiskey)

Rouge: (bleep)! No fighting over me? (storms off angrily)

Amy: Oh, Sonic…I'm sorry for making out with Shadow there! But I know how to make up for it! (shoves some chloroform into Sonic's face)

Sonic: Uhhhn…not again! This is the fifth time this week you've done this-(falls unconscious)

Amy: (drags off Sonic)

Jill: I don't think she even read the dare.

Charmy: A DBZ brawl? Wow…and this happens to be just before that live-action movie comes out!

Tails: We all know it's going to do terribly!

Charmy: No it won't!

Tails: Yes it will!

Charmy: NO WAY! (flies up in the air)

Tails: (also flies up in the air) It's happened to all other TV shows! Dragonball won't escape that fate!

Janitor: (plays DBZ theme in the background)

Charmy: (punches Tails) The guy playing Goku looks awesome!

Tails: (punches Charmy) No he doesn't! That hairstyle is too weird on an actual person!

Charmy: YOU WILL DIE FOR INSULTING HIM! (goes into a flurry of punches and kicks)

Tails: It's you who's about to die! (also goes into a flurry of punches and kicks)

Jill: While they're busy fighting, let's answer the questions!

Rouge: But…Sonic's still not here!

Jack: Damn it! Well, let's get to the other questions first then!

Knuckles: Ummm...I guess black! That would probably get me more fan girls…

Jill: (glomps Knuckles) You've got all the fan girls you need with ME!

Shadow: No.

Jack: You grumpy old man!

Shadow: (glares)

Eggman: What?! I'm not ugly…at least, my mommy says so!

Jack: (fights back urge to burst with laughter) Really?

Eggman: Yes! I call her all of the time! And she tells me about how I always look so handsome to all of the girls…

Jill: If by "handsome" you mean "revolting", then yes!

Eggman: (pouts)

Jack: Isn't it obvious why he's so ugly? All of that fat…who knows what's been stuck in there over the years?

Charmy: (smashes into the ground) Owww…

Tails: Ha! I knew using a shotgun would end the fight! Since Cosmo just beat me up, I'll go with Cream this time! (heads into closet with a revived cream)

Jill: Ummm…Sonic's still not here!

Jack: DAMN IT, AMY! (storms off, then drags them both back)

Sonic: Of course! My body is made for speed!

Jack: Not to mention all of the steroids you take!

Sonic: That too-HEY!

Jack: Hehehe…

 _i demand scariface tails kill sonic the hedgehog and have tails eat his heart (yum)_  
 _then silver get sonic pregnet_  
 _amy ** ur self_  
 _cream get thrown towards fan boys have their way with u_  
 _blaze drink acid and die horrbile death_  
 _-revan blackheart_

Tails: (grabs a knife) Umm…this sounds really weird! I like the killing part, but the other part…(stabs Sonic)

Sonic: Oww...first I get raped by Amy, and now this? (dies)

Tails: Umm…is there any way I could eat this without feeling completely digusted

Jill: I don't think so!

-One organ-feasting scene later-

Jack: (revives Sonic) And now for the yaoi fan girls!

Sonic: (gets dragged by yaoi fan girls into closet along with Silver) THIS CHAPTER SUCKS!

Jill: For you!

Amy: So…what do I do?

Jack: That thing we all know you do when no one's around and you're thinking of Sonic!

Amy: OH! All right! (heads into a closet, kicks out Tails and Cream)

Cream: That was fun!

Jill: But Tails isn't the only guy you're sleeping with tonight! (throws Cream into fan boys)

Blaze: Why does this person hate me?

Jack: (pulls out vial) I don't know, just do the dare!

Blaze: (grabs vial) This is horrible…(starts drinking)

Jack: CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG-

Blaze: (dies)

Jack:-CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG-

Jill: She's already dead!

Jack: Oh…

-One Yaoi Juno later-

Yuji Naka: Well, I'm here like you asked. What do you want?

Jack: Alright, here's the big question…how high were you when you came up with the idea for Sonic the Hedgehog? SERIOUSLY!

Naka: Umm…what do you mean?

Jack: On a scale of 1-10!

Naka: With the numbers meaning…?

Jack: One would be about as high as Shadow on a daily basis.

Shadow: (gives Jack the finger)

Jack: Five would be as high as Cheech and Chong, and a ten would be as high as… (shudders) the writers of Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo!

Jill: NOT THAT SHOW!

Jack: I remember when I saw it several years ago…(shudders)

Naka: Don't worry, I wasn't that high! I'd probably say around…a seven!

Jill: Wow…higher than Cheech and Chong!

Jack: I'm not too surprised. When you think about how high you would have to be to think of a blue anthromorphic hedgehog that runs at fast speeds and collects rings…that would take a (bleep)load of LSD!

Sonic: You mean I'm just some guy's LSD vision? (pouts)

Oh, and if you're wondering why it took me a while to update this…I just discovered a really funny website in the past few days! It's called Uncyclopedia, and it's basically a parody of Wikipedia! It's surprisingly funny…


	68. That 70s Sonic

That 70s Sonic

I'm soon going to be dealing with that yearly struggle known only as Prom! So if you wonder why I'm busy…there's the answer!

Jack: Well, let's get to something new I have planned! I wanted to see what it would be like if we set some of the Sonic characters into a That 70s Show circle. Here's the results…

-In Eric Forman's basement-

Shadow: Whoa…this is some good stuff!

Tails: I know! (grabs out into the air) I'm seeing purple dragons all over the place!

Knuckles: (guffawing) Hey…I just realized something! Yogurt comes from milk!

Tails: (rolls eyes) Good observation…

Silver: Now I have an urge to get some candy…

Shadow: It's known as the munchies. It's when you get hungry after getting high.

Knuckles: (smiles) Well, then I guess I must've been high when I was licking up your girlfriend last night!

Shadow: Shut up, Kelso-I mean, Knuckles! I don't even have a girlfriend.

Knuckles: Oh…I forgot. Well, at least I've got a couple of them! BURN!

Tails: Damn it, guys! Let's get talking about serious problems here. Like, I have to deal with two girls fighting over me, and an army of fans on either side that will kill me if I choose the other!

Shadow: (rolls eyes) Oh wow. I feel so sorry for you. Don't I sound like it?

Silver: Yeah, I'm not getting any girls!

Knuckles: (holds up a taser) These things are cool! Watch! (shocks self)

Tails: Knuckles' stupidity aside, I don't know how to get out of this without getting killed!

Shadow: Listen here, Forman-I mean, fox boy! You've got to try getting both of them at once! If you do well at convincing them, you'll have two girlfriends.

Tails: And if I do badly?

Shadow: I'll get to laugh my ass off at seeing you get beat up!

Silver: Maybe some pornos would help me get over my lack of women…

Knuckles: (gets up from the ground) Se what I mean? Now let's try it at a HIGHER level! (turns up taser, shocks himself again)

-Back on stage-

Silver: Why did I have to be Fez? I'm not a foreigner!

Jack: Wrong! Since you're from the future, you ARE a foreigner! I learned that from South Park!

Jill: Well, this will cheer up Silver…

 _This is too funny XD_  
 _How about this for a dare?_  
 _Amy and Silver...Soulja Boy Time!(pftt..somethin' random)_  
 _Then Silver can go out with Blaze :3_  
 _Swimmin' time for Sonic...and Shadow_  
 _Insanity and chaos, Sonic, Silver and Shadow go on a rampage on yaoi fangrils._  
 _Glomp time for Amy. 8D_  
 _-Erioco_

Amy and Silver: (start randomly dancing to Soulja Boy)

Silver: YOU crank dat Soulja boy, now watch me YOU, crank dat Soulja boy…

Amy: Shut up, Silver. You and rap music should never be mixed!

Silver: (pouts in a whiny voice) Blaaaaaaze! I need you!

Blaze: Umm…okay…(heads to a restaurant with him)

Sonic: Silver's so pathetic!

Shadow: That's what you're going to be after this dare! (pushes Sonic into pool, jumps in)

Sonic: AHHHHHH! H2O molecules! My immortal enemy! (drowns)

Shadow: (swims across) This is why I get so many fan girls!

Jack: Including them! (points to yaoi fan girls)

Yaoi fan girls: (holding up naughty posters of Shadow, Sonic, and Silver)

Shadow: THAT'S IT! CHAOS SPEAR! (starts attacking yaoi fan girls)

Sonic: (revived) I'm helping him too-AUGH! (gets glomped by Amy) Amy, stop it! I have to get rid of those yaoi fan girls!

Amy: NO! I need my bishie!

Silver: (comes back from date) Well, I guess I'll have to help then!

Jack: Actually, Shadow's probably better off without you fighting alongside him.

Silver: What?!

Sonic: Yeah…you DO tend to get in the way! (gets dragged off by Amy)

Silver: Awwww…

Yaoi fan girls: (overpower Shadow)

Jill: See? Now, imagine if you had been in there with him at that time!

Silver: (jaw gapes) Wow…that would've been bad!

 _Espio is a ninja right, make him fight naruto, big Fight Choji, Shodaw fight sasuke,and finally Amy fight Sakura._  
 _-timmy102_

Jack: I also noticed that those Sonic characters and Naruto characters were copies!

Jill: I'll rescue Shadow! (jumps into fan girl pit)

Jack: (sighs) Then I guess I have to get Amy…

-Later-

Jill: It's been a while since Jack left…

Jack: (arrives on stage with Amy in hand) Here I am-(throws up)

Shadow: What happened?

Jack: Um…well, I accidentally burst in on Amy while she was doing…unspeakable things to Sonic. (throws up again) It was horrifying!

Tails: Where's Sonic?

Jack: Trust me, you won't want to see him right now…

Espio: Let's just get to the fight!

-In a nearby arena-

Naruto: I'm going to kick your ass for killing me! Believe it!

Espio: Just…shut up, alright?

Naruto: (charges at Espio)

Espio: (turns invisible, kills Naruto with a throwing star)

Big: Uhhh…who are you?

Choji: Your competitor!

Big: Uhhh…wow! You're almost my size!

Choji: DID YOU JUST CALL ME FAT? (butchers Big)

Sasuke: Who do I kill this time?

Shadow: A bishie! And I don't care what you have to say…(starts smoking)

Sasuke: Whoa…this guy might be more emo than me!

Shadow: I could blow up everything and everyone here with my Chaos Blast in one second if I wanted to…but then it wouldn't be bloody enough!

Sasuke: Okay, I give up! This guy is way out of my league!

Shadow: CHAOS CONTROL! (kicks Sasuke from behind)

Sasuke: Ow…(runs off)

Amy: So…I have to kill you, right?

Sakura: I guess. If Sasuke weren't so useless, this wouldn't be as hard!

Amy: Totally! All men are like that!

Sakura: Exactly! They go around like they're real awesome, and then they fight and stuff, and I don't want to do stuff like fighting, so I'm useless to them!

Amy: I know! Also, my bishie is always complaining to me whenever I sneak into his room in the middle of the night! What the hell is his problem? I'm only trying to rape him!

Sakura: How have I not met you before?

Amy: Let's compare dresses!

Sakura: I know a great place for shopping nearby! Let's go! (heads off with Amy)

-Back on stage-

Jack: (does a facepalm) Why are you such idiots?

Amy: Hey! I like this new pink dress!

Jill: It looks the exact same as your old one!

Amy: Quiet, you!

 _okay some truths this time..._  
 _Blaze:You'd better answer me when I ask...who is sexier shadow sonic or silver?answer wisely cuz I'll be back to see if you chose correctly_  
 _Shadow:same as blaze except replace guys names with amy blaze and tikal_  
 _Silver:are you gay?_  
 _Sonic:do you like rouge?_  
 _amy:if you somehow got over sonic who would you move on to?_  
 _HA! You thought you got off easy this time didnt you?_  
 _Blaze:makeout with shadow NO ONE CAN INTERFERE!_  
 _Shadow:try and get blaze's number_  
 _Silver:YOU CANT INTERFERE AT ALL!_  
 _Sonic:kill...amy_  
 _I'll be BACK!_  
 _-PS Shadaze rocks!_  
 _Bye!_  
 _-Safarithecat_

Blaze: Hmmm…I like Silver's personality, but this is talking about sexiness! That would be a tough one between Sonic and Shadow…but Sonic probably doesn't look too sexy after what Amy did to him, so I would say Shadow!

Shadow: Hmm…so I have to choose between a fan girl, a hot chick, and a ghost? In terms of sexiness, I'd go with Blaze!

Silver: Damn it…I'm not gay!

Jack: (laughs) That's a good one!

Silver: (glares)

-Many plastic surgeries on Sonic later-

Jill: I can't believe it…the doctors somehow got him back to normal-looking!

Sonic: They said it was a medical miracle!

Jack: Now for celebration, answer the question!

Sonic: It depends on what you mean by "like". If you mean, "would I like to have sex with her", then yes! I would say that about almost any of the chicks here!

Amy: (glares) And for my question…w-what do you mean by that statement?

Jack: If you got over Sonic, who would you go for?

Amy: Those words…they sound so foreign to me!

Jill: If you dumped Sonic, what would you do?

Amy: Me? Dump Sonic? NEVER!

Jack: It's just asking hypothetically-

Amy: NEVER!

Jack: Umm…I guess a scenario like that is too far outside of the bounds of her imagination!

Blaze: More making out? Jeez…(starts makeout session with Shadow)

Shadow: Mmph! (digs through Blaze's purse from behind her, grabs phone and looks at number)

Silver: Must…destroy…

Jill: Stop right there…or else we'll have Amy mistake you for Sonic again! Do you want to end up with Sonic's injuries?

Silver: (gulps) I guess not…

Sonic: That reminds me…HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME, AMY?

Amy: I was showing my love to you-AH! (gets stabbed by Sonic)

Jack: It's over…that crazy monster is dead!

 _Knuckles, do you like Rouge_  
 _Tails, can you tie your tail in a knot? (If you can't, don't try! I don't want you hurt!)_  
 _Sonic, I dare you to be Knuckles slave for a week_  
 _P.S Knuckles and Tails, I adore you both!_  
 _-Tailsfan007_

Knuckles: HELL YES!

Jill: Those clips of him looking down Rouge's shirt pretty much says it all!

Knuckles: The fans noticed that? Damn!

Tails: Umm…I guess!

Jack: I did that to him during the Christmas special, so it's possible!

Sonic: (sighs) More slavery…what do you want this time, Knux man?

Knuckles: Get me some candy! Yeah, that'll be good!

Sonic: (walks off grumbling) That should be my candy…

 _Hooray!_  
 _Rouge and Tails-You must go to a master psychologist to find out the root of your whoriness_  
 _Shadow-In the spirit of Easter,go back in time and watch Jesus get crucified!{since he's immortal,he has to wait in the past until time passes and he's in the present}_  
 _Sonic-Switch minds with Jesus_  
 _Eggman-Switch minds with Caiaphas_  
 _Jack-You get to be Pontius Pilate_  
 _Amy-Mary Magdelene_  
 _Knuckles-John_  
 _Silver-Peter_  
 _Eggman Nega-The criminal_  
 _Metal Sonic-Satan_  
 _Jill-The Virgin Mary_  
 _Everyone else-Get crucified_  
 _-Jlate_

-At psychologist's office-

Psychologist: What's the problem this time?

Rouge: Well, I still can't stop having sex!

Tails: Neither can I!

Psychologist: Well, when did it start?

Tails: For me, it wasn't until those reviewers started telling me to have sex…and I liked it!

Rouge: For me…it goes quite farther back! You see…my parents were what all of you here would call Amish, and we lived in an Amish community together.

Psychologist: So you grew up with no technology?

Rouge: Nope. Nor did I know anything about sex.

Psychologist: Then what happened?

Rouge: When I turned sixteen, I left the community for Rumspringa. It was supposed to be temporary, but then I learned about this thing called "sex". I had to try it, and so I went out to nightclubs and started taking drinks from strangers. (grins) This, as you can imagine, got me laid a lot. Upon liking it, I immediately broke away from the Amish faith!

Tails: Wait…your parents are AMISH?! But you didn't mention that when you went to them in chapter 28!

Rouge: I didn't need to! Would you?

Tails:…True.

Psychologist: So…years of pent-up sexual frustration caused you to start having sex! And these reviewers caused Tails to start having sex!

-Back on stage-

Jack: Sweet! Now I have a source of Amish jokes!

Sonic: (walks in, hands Knuckles some candy) Won't those jokes offend anyone who's Amish?

Jack: Normally, yes…OH WAIT, THEY CAN'T READ THIS WITHOUT TECHNOLOGY! Awesome!

Jill: This next dare…I don't know what to say about it. We'll just add in one condition: Instead of switching minds, we'll have them switch places! That way we can create some more humor.

Jack: Normally, I'd feel pretty bad about crucifying someone…but it's SONIC who I'm crucifying! I've got to remember that…

-2 millenniums ago-

Eggman: Now we've got to charge Sonic for being rebellious to the Eggman Empire!

Sonic: In my defense…who wouldn't? Look at him! (points to Eggman) Doesn't his ugly face just make you want to rebel against him?

Eggman: I'm a judge here!

Sonic: Your mom's a judge!

Jack: Sonic's got a good point there…

Eggman: (shrieks)

-Later-

Random Villager: (points to Silver) Hey, you're a Sonic character, right?

Silver: (looks around nervously) Umm…no, that guy's an idiot!

Random Villager: I don't know…I'm pretty sure I saw you with him!

Silver: Nuh-uh! That was…like…Mario! Yeah! That guy!

Random Villager: Then what are you?

Silver: I'm…a Pokemon! There!

Random Villager: Really? I've got this Pokeball right here and-

Silver: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (runs off screaming)

-Later-

Sonic: (on cross) Could this get any worse?

Jill: Amy, what do you have there?

Amy: (takes a picture with camera phone)

Sonic: NO! Now my fan girls will get to see me in captivity!

Nega: (on cross next to him) Well, you know what they say…(starts singing) Always look on the bright side of life!

Everyone else: (whistling)

Nega: (singing) Always look on the bright side of life…

-Back on stage-

Jack: You look crappy in horns, Metal Sonic!

Metal Sonic: (would pout if it could)

Shadow: (walks onto stage) You guys suck for ditching me there! But at least-(pulls out tons of gold) I'M NOW RICH, BITCH!

Jack: But now you're more than 2000 years old! HA!

Shadow: (glares)

Jill: Anyways…besides the past dare, we decided to not do Easter this year!

Jack: The reason why is that we've got an idea that will get us a LOT more reviews…maybe even past 1000!

Sonic: (rolls eyes) What have we got this time?

Jill: Don't worry, it doesn't concern you! You see, we noticed that people are starting to get impatient with how long it takes to get to their reviews…it may even take a hundred chapters from now to get to the most recently sent ones!

Jack: (chains up Shadow, Blaze, Tails, and Rouge to separate wooden posts) So I've chained up the two most popular guys and the two most popular chicks for…The Glomping Contest!

Shadow: (eyes widen) What do you mean? Who's glomping us?

Jack: Isn't it obvious? The reviewers! Anyone who glomps any one of these four characters via review right now…will get that review shown next chapter! That's right, you can glomp any one of these four you want, then do whatever else you want to them!

Jill: You're using our readers' sex drive for reviews?…Genius.  
Jack: Here's an example of what we could expect…(chains up Knuckles to a post)

Jill: OMG! KNUCKIE! (glomps Knuckles) KNUCKLES, I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO MARRY YOU AND LET YOU HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME! (rips Knuckles off of post, drags him off)

Jack: Uh-oh…gotta go! (runs after Jill)

I really liked the beginning of this chapter with That 70s Show…and I'm not kidding about the Glomping Contest! In fact, the reaction that we deem the craziest will be shown first!


	69. Glomping!

Glomping!

Wow…I was right! Exploiting peoples' sex drives really DOES bring in the reviews!

Blaze: What does the situation look like so far?

Jill: (looks at Blaze) Let's just say that you won't have to worry about not getting laid this chapter…

Blaze: But…I thought you didn't allow any Ocs in this fic!

Jill: We still are…with the exception of this chapter!

Jack: And now, for the reaction that we have deemed the craziest!

 _Okay, I obviously want to glomp Blaze, now how to make this more interesting...Actually, with something like that, there's no way in the world I won't be able to stop. I'm just going to bring my new Shuriken and lightning gun and kidnap Blaze at gunpoint and strap a bomb onto Rouge, Sonic, Eggman, Metal Sonic, Charmy, Amy, and Silver. Everyone else except Tails will taste the awesomeness of shurikens and lightning. (Sorry, but torturing them is in my nature, I can't be up there and NOT torture them). Blaze and I will of course flee and go on a killing spree (Whether she wants to or not) to put GTA to shame and garner more wanted stars than that game could ever hope. Then I can finally have some fun with Blaze afterwards. This'll be fun. (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jill: WE HAVE A WINNER!

Jack: And it's not just because we're good friends with Super Dragon…we genuinely do think that this is the craziest reaction of all!

Kyle: (storms in with lightning gun) THERE YOU ARE! (grabs Blaze, rips her off of post) Now for some gifts! (goes at lightning speed, straps bombs onto aforementioned individuals)

Sonic: (looks down at attached bomb) Damn it! I thought I had been promised to be not involved in this!

Jack: Yeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh…we lied!

Kyle: (starts shooting shruikens and lightning in a fashion that would put Neo from The Matrix to shame) Goodbye, fools! (drives off with Blaze)

Charmy: (gets zapped, stabbed, and blown up at the same time)(It's as weird of an experience as it sounds!)

Amy: (see above)

Silver: (falls down) OW! He hit me with a shruiken right in the-(BOOM)(gets blown up)

Eggman: (faces Metal Sonic)Well, I think this is it for us-(gets electrocuted to death by touching Metal Sonic at the same time as the zapper hits)

Sonic: Hey! There's a chili dog attached to my bomb-(BOOM)(You know what happened)

Rouge: Why is a bomb attached to me?

Jack: Wait a minute…it's on your bra! (grins) That means we have to take it off!  
Rouge: Jack, I-

Jack: (puts hand over her mouth) Hush. Call me "Bomb Squad member"! (starts "defusing bomb")

-Meanwhile-

Kyle: (fires lightning out of his car window) DIE, DONUT-EATING PIGGIES! (octuple evil laughter)

Blaze: Are we going to have sex yet or not?

Kyle: (causes a nuclear explosion behind them) Now we're ready!

-Back on stage-

Jack: Well…Kyle managed to succeed in creating George Carlin's theoretical scenario where someone does something so bad, they immediately get to 1 on the FBI's Top Ten Most Wanted List!

Jill: The former 10 on the list is going to be really pissed at Kyle for knocking him off the list! (revives everyone)

Blaze: (walks onto stage) So…much…adrenaline!

Jack: (chains up Blaze again) Now all of you are ready for the second-craziest reaction!

 _*Murmuring to self* I suppose I can, while I have the chance...although beating the insanity of MaceKiwi may be difficult..._  
 _*Voice loudens*_  
 _Trauts: *Cough, cough* Excuse me, Jack. (Taps Jack on his shoulder)_  
 _Jack: Yes?_  
 _Trauts: I would like permission to "glomp" Tails please._  
 _Jack: ...Did you not get the ending note!? That's not crazy at all!_  
 _Trauts: Oh really...well...CHUCK NORRIS! (Points behind Jack)_  
 _Jack: (Turns around) What the-_  
 _Trauts: (While Jack is distracted, glomps Tails)_  
 _Jack: (Notices) Hey! Not even mentioning Chuck Norris counts you as crazy, get out of here!_  
 _Trauts: MINE! *Hisses, a serpent's forked tongue erupting from my mouth*NO-ONE will take him away from me! (Handcuffs self to Tails, before pulling out a handgun threateningly)_  
 _Jack: Still doesn't count, now unlock those handcuffs and get outta here, before I have to use my Author Powers!_  
 _Trauts: *Eye's look around unfocusedely, voice suddenly turns to the high-pitched sound of a madman* (Points handgun at Tails' head) I'll do it! Don't think to stop me, I swear I'll do it! (Shoot's Shadow for no apparent reason besides to prove my point)_  
 _Tails: ...(BLEEP)._  
 _Shadow: *Is lying, still attached to the wodden post, lifeless with blood spewing from his forehead*_  
 _Trauts: Now Tails, allow me to tell you my tragically dark life-story, including some events which have scarred me forever..._  
 _Tails: ...(BLEEP)ing (BLEEP)! Get me out of here!_  
 _-Trauts_

Jack: I just want to say something here…the contest for second place was an extremely close one! The decision between this and what I chose for third-craziest still keeps me up at night…

Trauts: (runs onto stage, acts crazy through killing security and glomping Tails)

Tails: Mmph! (gets handcuffed) Ummm…you're creeping me out!

Trauts: (pulls out gun, holds Tails as a hostage) I'll do it, man! (shoots Shadow)

Shadow: (dies instantly, causing many angry fan girls)

Jack: (shrugs) Why would I give a (bleep) what happens to Tails?

Tails: YOU (bleep)ING (bleep)(bleep)…(starts to hear story)

-One dark story later-

Tails: (fetal position) I haven't been scarred in a long time…

Jill: (sets up everything) Good job, Trauts! Let's get to the one that was almost second place…

 _I get a review used?_  
 _Rouge: (Starts covering her in honey and puts on condom getting ready to "glomp" her)_  
 _Blaze: (Puts on gasoline all over her and tells Knuckles trying to (bleep) her is completely safe)._  
 _Shadow: (Reviewer puts on spiked boots and starts kicking him in the crotch over and over and over and over and over..., then uses enough steroids to look like the Hulk crossed with Chick Norris, and hugs shadow to death)._  
 _Tails: (Gives him a condom, a magic pill that makes his "little friend" the size of the "little friend" of blue whale and points out that Rouge is still tied up)._  
 _Thank's for giving an optrotunity to have my review see the light of day before I turn fifty._  
 _-Not G. Ivingname_

NGI: (walks onto stage, puts honey and gasoline on Rouge and Blaze)

Rouge: (covered in honey) I think I've done this before…are you sure this is glomping-OH! (moans, then eyes widen) OH YEAH!

Blaze: (covered in gasoline) NO! But…I'm going to blow up any second!

Knuckles: Is it true that I can do her right now?

Jack: Um…I guess.

Knuckles: ALRIGHT! (walks up to Blaze) SEXYTIME, HERE I COME-(BOOM)

Jack: How ironic…first Rouge gets explosives and Blaze gets laid, and now it's the exact opposite!

-One "Rouge sexytime" later-

Rouge: We…have a problem!

Jill: What happened this time?

NGI: I hate to say this, but…I'm stuck!

Rouge: I think the honey stuck us together.

Jack: Damn it! This requires help from the Almighty! (summons Chuck Norris)

Chuck Norris: (rips NGI out of Rouge)

NGI: (puts on spiked shoe, kicks Shadow in the crotch)

Shadow: (keels over) OW! What did I do to deserve this? OW!

-Many kicks and steroids later-

Shadow: Mmph! (gets glomped to death)

Jill: Wow! Getting hugged to death is definitely not the way that anyone would think Shadow would die!

Jack: Normally, trying to hug him would be the cause of death for that person!

Tails: (gets released, takes pill and condom) Score!

Jill: Everyone get out of the way of Tails' (bleep)! AHHHHH! (runs off)

Tails: (approaches Rouge)

Rouge: (eyes widen) That's…HUGE! You're crazy if you think we can possibly-WHOA!

-Later-

Chuck Norris: (after much effort, pulls Tails out of Rouge)

Rouge: I don't know if I can ever have sex again…(fetal position)

Jack: Time to wash down that honey so no more guys get stuck to you! (sprays Rouge with a hose) YES! I gave her a wet t-shirt!

Jill: (revives everyone, chains up the four) Now for the next craziest…

 _YES! I HUGS SHADESY!_  
 _Sonic: You are haunted by someone of your past... the crab from episode 16 of the anime!_  
 _Knuckles: Go to Taiwan. No questions._  
 _Jill: Knuckles is gone, so you must have... KNUCKIE PLUSH!_  
 _Oh, you wanted crazy? I'LL GIVE YA CRAZAY!(Is put in front of Shadow) "OMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGGOMGOMGOMGOM! SHADOW! YUR_  
 _MINES! (Hugs at decapitation force) YES! (Kisses Soul Mate) M... He's SHADALISIOUS! Oh, this is even better than sitting in my closet, hugging and talking to my Plushie Shads! C'mon Shadow! Why don't we go through this convenietly place tunnel of love?! (grabs hottie and prepares for 3 mile long tunnel... that moves at 0.5 mph)" Oh, I would SO love that! Six hours of Me & Bishie!_  
 _-MaceKiwi_

Shadow: Oh no…(sees MaceKiwi charging at him) AHHHHHHHH! (gets the fan girl glomp of doom)

Sonic: Not…the crab! (pulls out lighter fluid, matches) WHERE IS HE?

Crab: (scuttles on)

Sonic: (suddenly develops Mortal Kombat "Finish him" voice) **DIE!** (burns the crab down)

Knuckles: Vacation? YES! Time for some hookers…and drugs…and hookers…and hookers!

Jack: (rolls eyes) Yes, as I'm sure they'll appreciate your lack of intelligence!

-In Taiwan-

Knuckles: (heads over to Taiwanese Parliament building) Sweet! They've got the fighting bets already set up! I'm placing my money on Senator Chang winning the next brawl…

-Back on stage-

Jill: You just completely mocked the brawls that go on in the Taiwanese congress!

Jack: And your point is?

Jill: (notices plushie) Hooray! Something to treasure forever and ever and ever…(makes the plushie her new "precious") It belongs to me…yes, it does! PRECIOUS!

Jack: (backs away) But this isn't nearly as creepy as what's about to happen to Shadow…

Shadow: Y-your soul mate? AUGH!(gets dragged by MaceKiwi into ride) I HATE BEING A BISHIE!

MaceKiwi: Oh, you won't after I'm done with you! (starts up ride with a screaming Shadow)

-Much, much later-

Shadow: (unconscious)

Jill: (chains up Shadow again) Linkin Park!

Shadow: (suddenly wakes up) WHERE?…Oh.

Jack: I don't even want to talk about what might've happened in there…but I can say that his (bleep) will probably never feel the same again!

 _Glomping contest?_  
 _*Goes over, dumps water on Blaze, lights Tails on fire, stabs Rouge and shoots Shadow*_  
 _Guess it's over!_  
 _Just 5 dares. +1 for you._  
 _1\. Silver, go 10,0 years in the past, freeze yourself, then come back to the future, still frozen, and get pushed into a volcano._  
 _2\. Blaze, jump in an ocean of liquid nitrogen._  
 _3\. Sonic, run the length of the Pacific Ocean. The catch? I'll trip you midway (and I mean actually run right over the water)._  
 _4\. Shadow, go back to the moment time existed, then sit at the center of the universe 'till time ends._  
 _5\. Everyone else, torture Shadow 'till time ends. He cannot do ANYTHING._  
 _And for you..._  
 _I had submitted an epic 50 truths and dares quite some time back. Do them thechapter after this one. I mean it._  
 _-Metrolan_

Metrolan: (enters stage with weapons) SUFFER! (throws water on Blaze)

Blaze: (emits steam) Damn you…

Rouge: (stabbed) Oof! This is the 10th time I've been stabbed this week…but the first this week not done by a pimp!

Jill: Why am I not surprised?

Shadow: (clutches shoulder from shot wound) OW! If I had my rocket launcher here right now…

Tails: AHHHHHHHH! I'm on fire! And Metrolan started it!

Jack: (singing) We didn't start the fire, it was always burning, since the world was turning…

-One stop, drop, and roll later-

Jack: Wait…ACTUAL dares for this chapter? This wasn't part of the plan…

Jill: We wanted just to see the reactions, damn it! Oh well…

Silver: 100? Can't I do ten? Or five?

Jack: Nope, 100!

Silver: (goes through time portal) Time to visit the Arctic!

-100 years later-

Jill: Look what I found in the grocery store's icebox! (holds up frozen Silver)

Jack: Cool! Just like Montgomery Burns' teddy bear on The Simpsons!

Jill: (glomps Silver) He's so cuddly…LET'S THROW HIM IN A VOLCANO! (drags Silver off)

Jack: (fills pool with liquid nitrogen) I feel just like Jason in one of those Friday the Thirteenth movies…

Blaze: (bleep)! Why have the last two been trying to kill me? (dives in and freezes)

Sonic: (heads to shore of Pacific Ocean) WHAT?! That's huge! How can I run over it? It's not like I'm some ninja or Jesus or Neo! I can't do it!

Amy: (appears behind him) HI SONIKKU!

Sonic: AUGH! (starts running over water) Cool, I-(gets tripped by Metrolan) Oof! (drowns in the depths of the sea)

Shadow: The beginning of time…But that would be the Big Bang! How am I supposed to survive it?

Jack: That's for you to figure out! (shoves Shadow through a portal)

-Billions of years ago-

Shadow: (bleep) this! How are they supposed to torture me? Can't I just prevent them from ever being born?

Jill: Not if we show up to menace you!

Shadow: What's that giant list you have there?

Jack: It's all of the dares we have done, are doing, and will do in the future! And all of them will now be directed at you!

Shadow: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

-One universal time cycle later-

Shadow: (fetal position)

Knuckles: He's not even saying "Maria" anymore!

Jill: Oh, that's because we ripped out his vocal cords!

Jack: His screaming just got too annoying…

Jill: Let's address the last dare!

Jack: Yeah. We can't do that because…if we did, everyone else would start asking us to do theirs on the next chapter! And the chapter after that! And the chapter after that! And then we'd never get any of the old reviews done! So sorry…

Jill: (revives everyone and sets up chains again) Now for the next-craziest!

 _We!_  
 _Now, down to finding links for ideas in this crazy business ,...'business?''Bus'iness? BUS!_  
 _Sonic Truth or Dare,...Sonic Humor...Sonic 'Joke's ...Sonic 'Joker'...'Joker!'_  
 _Sonic ...Gaming Mascots ... Mario ...Mario 'Brother's ...Luigi ...Mama Luigi!_  
 _And... one more thing ...m... (GASP (yes, that's right, I gasped in capitals (yes, that is also right, I placed a set of brackets inside another (yes, that is right, I did it again (yes, that is right, I am very annoying (yes, that may also be correct, but I am very, very sexy (grow!) (right number of brackets too) Anyways... one more thing...(Gasp!) I've got it! Thing ...Thing! Like in 'The Addams' Family!_  
 _So, Jack, I've got it. You and I will meet behind the scences after takes, and in that time we will go to Gothem City. We will meet with the Dark Knight's Joker (Heath Ledger (great actor, sad he passed away)) and we will negotiate with him on camera about buying one of his many, stolen school buses._  
 _After that is done, just for fun, you and I will sing the entrance to the 'Super Mario Brothers' Super Show.' We will then kidnap Mama Luigi on another Mario show whilst firin' our LAZAS!_  
 _After we convince him to learn how to drive a bus, we will force him to drive the aforementioned one._  
 _Next, I will have the 'Thing' (the servered hand that is) teach me, suductive dancing moves._  
 _Soon after, I will rescue Blaze from a horrible fate, and we will get away in our Ex-Joker owned, Mama Luigi driven school bus. I will then perform those said seductive moves to get close to her...and BAM! (bam She'll be*glomped* longer than the length (poor choice of words, perhaps?) of time Tails has sex in a year._  
 _Infact, what's that I hear her say out of her sheer lust for me? "Oh! James! Give me more!" Don't worry baby, I will..._  
 _(GASP!)! Maybe a little too much detail..._  
 _Oh yes, and the Thing should be doing the can-can with his fingers on the dashboard while we make sweet, beautiful love, oh yeah._  
 _THEN! (you thought I was done, didn't you?) Jack will let Tails go and the three of us will gang-glomp (or gang rape, rather) Amy. Sex with a fan-girl? Huzza! (oh yeah, bring it on!) Sex with Amy? Double Huzza! (oh yeah, BRING IT ON!)_  
 _Anyways, after that glomp-fest (hah! You thought I was done again didn't you! Well... I am) we can all sit down in bed and relax... together! Hello, every lady from the Sonic series and ESPECIALLY Kazooie! (even though they share no relation what so ever) Get ready to experience glomping taken to the next level!_  
 _Anyways, I'm done here (in more ways than one) and I wish everyone a happy,late Easter! (oh and you can call me James, the Kazooie fan-boy from downunder, who really gets down under!)_  
 _Jack? Why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face... - Joker_  
 _-Glomping Makes Us Feel Good!_

Jack: If I assume that your entire initial reaction to the glomping is this Mama Luigi/Bus/Blaze stunt…then it's crazy enough to be up here! (heads to Gotham City)

-At Gotham-

Joker: Stupid studio…why can't I show up in another movie? Every time I ask, the people there just get all sad and won't stop crying! It's almost like someone important died or something!

Jack: (looks around nervously) Ummm…

Joker: See? There's that look again! Who died?

GMUFG: Trust me…it's better that you don't know!

Joker: Well, then I'm just not selling this bus until you do!

Jack: (sighs) Fine…this is going to be weird! (whispers in the Joker's ear)

Joker: What? So, some actor died! Though for some reason his name sounds familiar…

GMUFG: Don't you get it? He was playing as you!

Joker: (jaw gapes) What? I…this can't be! But…how…(goes into corner to contemplate meaning of existence)

Jack: Screw this, let's just steal the bus!

-At Mushroom Kingdom-

GMUFG: (randomly singing the song with Jack on bus)

Mario: (laughing at Luigi) Mama? Mama Luigi?

YouTube Poopers: (lean in for epic line)

Luigi: That's MAMA LUIGI to you! (bus suddenly crashes through the trees) What the-?

Jack: WOOT! This is some good practice for college frat parties! (grabs Mama Luigi)

GMUFG: Now drive, damn it! (takes Thing into back of bus)

-Back on stage-

Jill: What's taking so long? We need out initial reaction from this reviewer!

Blaze fan boys: (get closer and closer to Blaze)

Blaze: (struggles with chains) Help! They'll kill me and each other!

Jill: (shrugs) Why bother to help? Watching you get raped and killed would be some entertainment!

Blaze: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Luigi: (crashes bus through stage wall) Is THIS crazy enough for you guys?

GMUFG: (grabs Blaze) This is perfect! (has Luigi drive off)

Jack: (brushes off dust) Well, that was fun!

-On bus-

Blaze: What are all of these candles and Barry White music CDs for?

GMUFG: You'll find out…(starts making out with Blaze)

Thing: (randomly does the can-can on the dashboard)

-One love party later-

Jill: (releases Tails) What the hell? Where's the torture in releasing Tails?

GMUFG: You'll see. Hey Amy, do you know about that back alley a couple of blocks down from here?

Amy: Mmm-hm?

GMUFG: Well, I heard that Sonic is in there right now.

Amy: (gasps) I COULD CORNER HIM IN THERE AND RAPE HIM! (runs off)

Sonic: (comes out of hiding) Now I know I can survive for another day…

-One moment of karma on Amy later-

GMUFG: (prepares bedroom) Now head in, all of you women! I am officially the horniest reviewer this fic has had!

Jack: The Banjo-Kazooie chicks aren't THAT hot…oh well! (teleports them in)

Jill: (chains up Blaze) Let's just do the next couple of reviews while waiting for him…

 _*eyes widen* A glomping contest? WOW! Well, in that case...*glumps Shadow* OMG! SHADOW! YOU'RE THE BEST HEDGEHOG IN THE GAME! DEATH TO THE STUPID FAKER AND USELESS GAY HEDGEHOG!_  
 _-CleverPhoenix_

CleverPhoenix: (walks onto stage) OMG! IT'S THE BISHIE!

Shadow: (receives CleverPhoenix's glomp) Umm…thanks for the statement!

Sonic and Silver: (walk off depressed)

CleverPhoenix: OMG, SHADOW YOU'RE SOOOO HOT! I WUV YOU!

Shadow: (choking) Fan girl glomp…killing me!

CleverPhoenix: (gets dragged out by security) I'll see you again, bishie!

Shadow: (gulps)

Jack: Can you feel the insanity? This next review is great for that as well…

 _wow... a lota people... but i must have Blaze... time to go Fight Club on some asses! *starts throwing punches and kicks at random people* HAHAHA! die damn you die! oops... sorry Sonic... oh wait... no i'm not. *rips Blaze off of post and tosses a smoke bomb* damnit! it didn't explode...*walks off*._  
 _Knuckles: Pie Curse! (speak more than four words at a time and you get a pie in the face.)_  
 _Rouge: Be Jack's slave for a "while" *wink wink*_  
 _Sonic: Fight Shadow in the Ultimate Super form fight! Your Excalibur Sonic and Shadow is... Super Shadow (naturally)_  
 _Shadow: if Sonic wins the above fight...*Tosses him a gears of war sniper rifle* have a ball._  
 _Silver: levitate over the Fan Girls to get to the other side of the stage.(beware the action Gauge!)_  
 _Cream: turn evil and start burnanating people!_  
 _Tails: you're seduced by Evil Cream... party time._  
 _and now for something completely different._  
 _Everyone(exept for Blaze): Congratulations! you get to star in the real life version of Nazi Zombies (from CoD world at war)! you have to survive to round 350... if you fail you have to start over from round 1! (the final zombie on round 350 is Chuck Norris!)_  
 _you're not getting Blaze back for a while... a LONG while (if you catch my drift... nudge nudge.) have fun!_  
 _-Dark Leader Omega_

GMUFG: (finally leaves being very satisfied)

Jack: (sets up everything again) This sounds like a good fight!

DLO: (enters stage) Who wants a can of whoop-ass? (starts punching and kicking crazily)

Sonic: (gets kicked in the head, neck snaps)

Jill: Yay! We've already killed a hedgehog in this review!

DLO: (rips Blaze off of post, throws smoke bomb)

Eggman: (points to smoke bomb) HEY! That's what I did in Sonic Adventure!

Jill: But this time, it didn't work! (notices MADE IN KOREA label) Oh…

DLO: (runs off with Blaze anyways)

Knuckles: The Pie Curse? What-(SPLAT)

Jack: The Pie Curse is from Mecha Scorpion's Sonic Insanity fic…the only Sonic fanfic to ever do better than this one!

Knuckles: So I get a-(SPLAT) every time that I-(SPLAT) Damn it!

Jack: Yes! (rips Rouge off of chains, drags her off)

Sonic: (draws out Excalibur)

Jill: How do YOU get to have Excalibur?

Sonic: Because I'm just that awesome! And since Sonic and The Black Knight was my own written story, I also had Author Powers in that game, too!

Jill: But now WE have the Author Powers for this fic! MWAHAHA!

Shadow: (grabs Chaos Emeralds) Now for my fan girls to cheer-

Sonic: (slices Shadow in half)

Shadow: Damn…(gets revived, then grabs sniper rifle)

Sonic: What is THAT?!

Shadow: The reason that knights aren't around today…GUNS! (shoots Sonic)

Sonic: Ugh…I feel just like anyone who got assassinated by a sniper rifle would feel! (dies)

Silver: But the Action Gauge will never make it!

Jill: That's the point! (shoves Silver over edge of stage)

Silver: (levitates for a few seconds, then falls) CURSE YOU, GAME PRODUCERS!

Fan girls: (pick apart Silver hair by hair)

Cream: How do I turn evil?

Jack: I know how! (grabs some Dark Eco from Jak II, shoves it down Cream's throat)

Cream: (eyes turn red, does an evil grin) Burn! Burn it all down to the ground!

Yami Yugi: (bursts onto stage) Hey! That's my line from Yugioh: Abridged-AHHHHHH!

Cream: (starts setting everything on fire)

Tails: Crap! I can't get out of these chains!

Cream: (turns around, faces Tails)

Tails: (eyes widen) Oh (bleep)! Normally, I'd like this…but that look in her eyes is scary!

Cream: RAUGH! (grabs Tails) May the flesh-raping and mind-raping begin!

-Later-

Tails: (fetal position, drooling)

Janitor: (cleaning up stage) Damn kids…with their evil selves burning things and raping each other…

-In Call of Duty: World at War-

Jack: Nazi Zombies? Just one question…what the hell were the makers of this game smoking?

Jill: (cocks rocket launcher) I don't know…but maybe we should've watched Shaun of the Dead before doing this!

Jack: I'll be fine…I've just got to imagine that all of those zombies are clones of Amy!

Zombies: (enter field)

Jack: DEATH TO THAT CRAZED FAN GIRL! (charges)

Sonic: I'm…staying out of this! I think he'll kill anyone who's within 50 meters of him!

Jill: But then this wouldn't be fun! (shoves Sonic into crowd)

Sonic: (butchered more times than Amy could ever have done)

-349 rounds later-

Shadow: There he is…the Chuck Norris zombie!

Jack: Well, we know that Chuck Norris has only one weakness…Chuck Norris! (summons another Chuck Norris)

Chuck Norris: (instigates the great battle of our time)

-Later, back on stage-

DLO: NO! I'm not giving Blaze back yet!

Jack: You have to…or else you'll get killed by the millions of other fan boys that want her!

DLO: Damn it! (hands Blaze over while grumbling)

Jill: (sets up chains again) Let's continue down the list of craziness…

 _make Razor come in to do it with Blaze and Rouge without taking them off the posts then he gives Shadow a Shadow rifle after ripping him off the post_  
 _-Razor Da Hedgehog_

Razor: (runs onto stage) HOTTIES! (shoves Rouge and Blaze's posts together, then starts having sex)

Jill: Wow…he's going through the wet dreams of many fan boys!

-One Manage de trois later-

Razor: (rips Shadow off of post, gives him a Shadow rifle)

Shadow: More killing for me? YAY! (starts shooting anyone that smiles)

-One massacre later-

Jill: (sets up chains again) Wow, I love these time units we're using!

 _JSandders here, I'm taking a different spin at my reviews and this time, I'll let Joey do the talking instead of Reggie!_  
 _Joey: Hey, loser, long time no kick-in-the-groin! I've got to say: HOLY(BLEEPENSTEIN) and WTF! Everybody wants to do the Pyromaniac Pussycat! I guess it's no mystery, really, considering the fact that Blaze actually IS hotter than Rouge, even though she's flat-chested and Rouge is full-breasted!_  
 _Rouge: Hey! Was that an insult or was it a compliment?_  
 _Joey: Your one-track, **-ified mind will never know, Rouge! All I know isthat you'll die later in my fanfic (and Jack can't do a thing about it! Boohoo for you, JackASS)! I think this review is turning me into a Blaze fan boy! I CURSE THIS FANFIC AND IT'S DAMNED AUTHOR TO HELL! Even though I love my Ana to_  
 _death, I will have to glomp Blaze in order for my name to be mentioned EARLY in this stupid story so... *goes to Blaze, jumps on her, squeezes her so tightly that she turns into Michael Jackson* HOLY HOLY HOLY! I did not expect that! Okay, I'm officially NOT a Blaze fan boy anymore! *shoots her where it hurts... where do girls hurt?* Phew, glad that's over! Onto the tortures!_  
 _DARES:_  
 _-Sonic: Run... run as fast as you can... don't stop... until you hitsomething unimportant (coughCREAMtheRABBITcough), skid for 927km on the drypavement, fall off a cliff, hit a random flying squirrel (or Ray from theSonic comics, I don't really give a rat's (BLEEP)), and crash into a burninggrocery store playing any song by the gay quintet, *NSYNC!_  
 _-Miles: Fly... fly as high as you can... don't stop... until you hit threerandom birds (coughBABYLONROGUEScough), go outside of the ozone layer, run outof oxygen, get hit by a meteor storm, land on a distant planet called theMushroom Kingdom, get killed by a random red plumber (and if Cosmo wants, arandom green plumber will join the red one), fall back to wherever the stageis, and have a giant avocado fall on your stupid face!_  
 _-Silver: Um... move stuff... move stuff as long, fast, whatever as you can...don't stop... until you just plain DIE! Or, for Jack's amusement, do whateverJack wants you to do with a toothpick, a scarf, a pair of tweezers, aball-peen hammer, and a 56 yrs. old bottle of scotch!_  
 _-Shadow: If you ARE the Ultimate Life Form, I want to see if you can survivethe pain of being confronted with the ever-dreaded, ever-powerful,ever-monotonous, ever-efficient, BANANA PEEL! How you confront it is up to Bigthe Cat!_  
 _-Ivo: Test out this one theory of mine: If you eat a certain amount of dietfood, will you gain weight? I chose you just because you're FAT, plain andsimple!_  
 _-Knuckles: IDK... punch yourself in the face until a random lawnmower runsover the Vector x Vanilla fans, I guess. After that, Jill can do stuff to youand, when she's done, throw you into a black hole!_  
 _-Charmy: Convince Amy to buy you a bunch of adult toys and Barbie dolls sothat you can show Tails Doll what the TRUE meaning of life is!_  
 _Joey: That's all for now because this review is getting cramped and bulkylike my "package"!_  
 _Ana: Bowchikawowow!_  
 _Joey: Anyways, I shall await for these dares soon, my rival! Until then!_  
 _*disappears in a cloud of smoke coming from a bong that Joey smashes intoMarine the Raccoon's face*_  
 _How do you like that RANDOMNESS! JSandders here, over and out!_

Jack: Rouge is going to die in your fic? (shrugs) Meh. I already did it with her today, so I'm good!

Jill: You're cursing our fanfic for temporarily turning you into a fan boy? YES!

Sonic: Cursing it to hell? This fic already IS a hell for us!

Jack: (glares at Sonic)

Joey: (walks up to Blaze, prepares for glomping her)

Blaze: (randomly turns into Michael Jackson)

Jack: Dude…that was definitely crazy!

Joey: (pulls out assault rifle) Where should I shoot her so it hurts?

Jack: I tend to go for the head! It works very efficiently! (shoots Wave in the head) See what I mean?

Joey: (shoots off MJ's head)

Jill: Now for Sonic's dare!

Sonic: Running? Easy stuff! (starts running off)

Jack: Run, Forrest, run! (gets the finger from Sonic)

Sonic: (zooms along until he runs into Cream)

Cream: Die, mortal fool-AH! (gets smashed into)

Sonic: (skids until all of his fur is off, then falls off of cliff)

Cream: MWAHAHA!

Sonic: (crashes into random squirrel, then falls right into burning grocery store playing "Bye Bye Bye") AHHHHHHHHHHH! Every nerve cell that can send a pain signal is doing so!

Tails: (flies over scene) That was awesome! (crashes into Jet and Storm)

Jet: (falling) It's all your fault, Storm! You should've told me not to have us fly today!

Storm: (also falling) Uhhh…okay, boss! YAH! (hit's a tree)

Random squirrel from before: (kills them both instantly)

-Meanwhile, in space-

Tails: (gasps for air) Tell my fan girls…that they really need to tone down on the stalking! It's kind of creepy-OW! (smashes into an asteroid)

-Back on stage-

Silver: That's a weird assortment of items! First, what do I do with the scotch!

Jack: (grabs bottle) I'll be taking that! (starts chugging bottle)

Silver: And what do I do with the rest of the stuff?

Jack: Use the hammer to nail the toothpick up your ass, use the tweezers to pluck your eyes out, then choke yourself to death with the scarf!

Silver: Awww…(does all of the above)

Big: (throws banana peel onto Shadow's face)

Shadow: AHHHHHH! I can't see! What do I do?

Jill: (grins) Umm…I think you've gone blind!

Shadow: NO! Damn it! Goodbye, cruel world! (slits self with a razor)

Jack: Whoa…the banana peel totally pwned Shadow!

Eggman: To your theory, I would probably say yes! Any type of food, when eaten in a huge quantity, will increase one's weight!

Jill: Then prove it by going on the Atkins diet and sizing up the daily portions by ten!

Eggman: (grumbles) Fine…

Knuckles: Man, that lawnmower had better come soon...(starts punching self)  
Jack: (looks out at crowd) Ummm…I don't think the lawn mower is coming!

Jill: Then I'll make it mow over the crowd! (runs off)

-In the Mushroom Kingdom-

Mario: Look Luigi! We found a fox for dinner!

Luigi: Yes! Something for the meatballs in our spaghetti!

Tails: (wakes up) AUGH!

-Back on stage-

Knuckles: (still punching self)

Charmy: Why should I ask Amy?

Jack: So then the cashiers will think she's a pervert when she's buying Barbie dolls and sex toys!

Charmy: Oh…well, that sounds good! (heads over to Amy) Amy…can you go shopping for me? And don't come back until you get all of the items on the list! (hands her the list)

Amy: (runs off without even looking at list) Okay! I'll look when I get to the mall!

Jack: (grins) That bee might not be so bad after all…

Charmy: (bounces around) NOW WHERE"S MY SUGAR?!

Jack: Scratch that.

Jill: (drives power mower over Vector/Vanilla fans) Now I can do Knuckie!

Knuckles: (stops punching, grins with all of his teeth gone)

Jack: (looks away) Ugh…

-One toothless sexy time later-  
Amy: (hands Charmy a grocery bag) Here's what you asked for! That cashier was looking at me weirdly for some reason. (scratches head in confusion)

Charmy: Hey, Tails Doll! I've got to teach you a new skill! (drags Tails Doll offstage) Now, have you ever wondered how your victims are made?…

Jill: (throws Knuckles into a black hole) Goodbye, Mr. Bishie!

Joey: (disappears in a cloud of smoke)

Marine: (gets hit by bong) OW! I'll get ya, ya bugga!

Jack: Don't tempt him, Marine. (revives everyone, sets up chains)

Tails: (gets an avocado to land on his face)

 _Bleach:WO! TAILS IS ON A POST! *Sits down in front of him and starts drawing him* I've got to get the detail on his chest fur just right. Quit moving your tails around! You're messing up the shading! Where's my inking pen? Should I color this? I'm gonna post this on DA! His expression is timeless!_  
 _I got questions and dares that I've already asked, but I'm desperate to know the answer._  
 _Q:(Foreveryone) Does anybody like the following styles of music. Trance? Happy Hardcore? Dream House? Speed Rave?_  
 _Dare:REGARDLESS if they do or not, they must listen to an hour-long mix of Happy Hardcore songs played by me, DJ BLEACH. I know OCs aren't allowed in the story, so I'll just send ya the CD! Have fun! I still have all the chapters copied from this story!_  
 _-DJ Bleach_

Bleach: (walks onto stage, sits down and starts drawing) What did I say? Stop moving those tails!

Tails: (glares) What are you drawing me for?

Bleach: (grins) Deviant Art.

Tails: (jaw gapes) NO! That means my fan girls will get to see me in chains!

Sonic: Now you know how I felt last chapter!

Jack: Trance music sounds great for listening to during sex! As to Happy Hardcore music…it sounds perfect for someone on cocaine! Meanwhile, Speed Rave seems to go well with ecstasy!

Jill: Is Dream House music from Jamaica? A lot of that type of music sounds like Jamaican techno…

Jack: And as for the Sonic characters…I have absolutely no (bleep)ing idea how they'd like it! So let's just get to the dare…

Janitor: (plays some random Happy Hardcore music)

Jack: Charmy! Where's your cocaine stash, quickly!

Charmy: (returns with the traumatized Tails Doll) Sorry…I already used it all!

Jack: DAMN IT! (revives everyone, sets up chains)

Jill: Well, I guess we have to do the next review with this playing in the background.

 _{tackles Blaze and starts making out with her and...other things}_  
 _Please excuse Blaze for a while...I'm busy_  
 _Silver: You can have her when I'm done_  
 _Rouge: Be Eggman's "special" slave_  
 _Jack: Create...SHADESPIONIROTHUCKAILSNORRIS{Shadow-Espio-Sonic-Sephiroth-Tails-Knuckles}then throw him to the fangirls, then sit back and watch the show_  
 _Jill: Since Knuckles is in SHADESPIONIROTHUCKAILS...well...you know what to do_  
 _-MUST DO BLAZE!_

Jack: (falls over laughing) The moment I saw the name of this reviewer…HAHAHA!

MDB: (charges onto stage, tackles Blaze and starts up the romance)

Silver: (grumbles)

Rouge: (horrified) This is why I hate chains…

Eggman: I get a sex slave? Whoopee! (drags Rouge off)

Jack: Now we get to use the Fusionator again! (fuses Shadow, Espio, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and-) Wait a second, SEPHIROTH?!

Sephiroth: (flies in) MWAHAHA! My army of fans is greater than any of yours!

Jack: Then increase it! (fuses Sephiroth with the rest)

Fan girls: (collapse upon sight of the new ultimate bishie)

Jack: (throws the new creation to the fan girls)

Shadespionirothuckails: (gets taken, causes the greatest fan girl civil war in all of world history)

Jill: Wow, they really want him…AND I WANT HIM TOO! (charges into fan girl crowd)

Jack: This is getting crazy…I'd better flee before they destroy everything in sight!

-One epic fan girl squabble later-

Jack: (defuses everyone, sets up chains again)

Sephiroth: (fetal position) They wanted us…so badly!

Jill: Interesting…fan girls are his only weakness besides Cloud!

Sephiroth: Cloud isn't my weakness, I'm his weakness! (flies off angrily)

Jack: He didn't deny that fan girls were a weakness! Score!

 _Its not crazy, but i wont get an opportunity like this again!(drags off Blaze AND Rouge) Aw yeah. (Many things i cant write here later)And now that thats over with... (pulls out spartan laser, kills all four) NO EVIDENCE! (stuffs bodies with nitrogliceren and lights a match)_  
 _Pick any of my reviews, ive already sent a bunch!_  
 _-Bolt the Wolf_

Jack: What are you talking about, "not crazy"? That's PLENTY crazy!

Jill: Compared to what we've seen earlier, not so much!

Jack:…True.

Bolt: (walks onto stage, then grins) Alright! (grabs Blaze and Rouge)

Blaze: Yep…everyone still wants to have sex with me! (gets dragged off with Rouge)

-Much later-

Blaze: (gets dragged back onto stage) Can't…feel my legs!

Bolt: (shoots all four in chains) The Halo games rock! And now no one can prove ANYTHING! (blows up all of the bodies)

Jack: Nitroglycerin…what a fun substance!

Jill: Sorry…but we're too busy to work on one of your other reviews! We've been overloaded with dares from other reviewers already!

 _Hooray for glomping!_  
 _(glomps Blaze with the Fire Ability from Kirby and our combined heat creates a massive inferno that incinerates Iblis and saves Crisis City in '06)_  
 _Well that was my good deed for the day, as for dares I'll just wait like a good boy until you can eventually find them and get to them. Keep up the goodwork!_  
 _-Kid Anime_

Kid: Yes! (runs across stage, creates ultimate glomp with Blaze)

Janitor: (holds up fire extinguisher) This isn't going to end well…

Blaze: (creates giant inferno)

-In Crisis City-

Silver: Don't do it, Blaze!

Blaze: I must! (absorbs Iblis) SEAL ME BEFORE I DIE, DAMN IT!

Silver: (pouts) Noooooo…now those pictures of you will be my only companion!

Blaze: Wait, what?

Silver: (blushes) Oh…well, you see…

Blaze: (confused) I don't remember you ever taking any pictures of me!

Silver: Well, you didn't exactly notice…I mean, you didn't think of looking up while showering or anything-

Blaze: YOU TOOK PICTURES OF ME IN THE SHOWER?! If I wasn't dying right now, I would kick your ass!

Silver: You're threatening me now, huh? Well, maybe I just won't seal you! How would you like that?

Blaze: (starts dissolving into thin air) Now I'm going to die, and it's all your fault!

Fan boys: (vow vengeance on Silver)

Blaze: (suddenly get hit by far away inferno) AHHHHH!

Iblis: (gets decimated, causing flowers and sunshine to appear everywhere)

Blaze: I'm…alive?

Silver: We just changed the ending of the game!

Blaze: AWESOME! But…how did it happen?

Silver: It was all me, obviously!

Blaze: Really? (smiles) You know, saving my life right now is turning me on…

Silver: (becomes a very lucky guy)

-Back on stage-

Jack: Thanks! By cutting down the dares, it gave us more time to get into more detail with these reviews!

 _Omg..._  
 _BLAZE! (immediately runs over and glomps as hard as he can)_  
 _Alrighty then, from my precarious perch right here next to Blaze, i shall now torture Shadow and Rouge. Tails is too awesome._  
 _Shadow: You are now Kenny from southpark at the end of episode 1301: The Ring._  
 _Shadow: Tails must now exectute you once for every single weapon there is in the Halo series, WITH all of the weapons from the halo series. (including repeats!)_  
 _Shadow: Become an alcoholic, and have all of these beers. It might interest you to know that that burning sensation inside your mouth IS INDEED acid, and you MUST finish all of your beer, you alcoholic hedgehog._  
 _Rouge: Your chains aren't torturous enough for me. CRUCIFY HER! (Did you know that if they ACTUALLY sent a nail through one of their victim's leg bones, it would split it in half, crippling the victim for the rest of their lives? Well, NOW YOU KNOW!)_  
 _Rouge: You must have every STD known to anthropomorphic-kind... Why aren't you dead yet? I demand that you die in the most painful way possible from all of your STDs._  
 _Rouge... Take one of Shadow's pistols, violate yourself with it, and pull the trigger while it is still inside you. In your will, i demand that you leave all of your jewels to Jack and Jill, and for everyone else..._  
 _... A boot to the head._  
 _Rouge: I'm about to hypnotise you... You now believe you are a Ditto in the Day Care of Pokemon Emerald. Act like it. (Make a crapload of EGGs... After doing so, make a BAD Egg by making one with Eggman. XD) When the BAD Egg hatches, Rouge will die from so many glitches in her body. XD(To make the bad egg, you can hack her to give her huge protrusions...That'll make a Bad Egg!)_  
 _Shadow: Nope. Not done with you yet. Super Dragon has a new weapon, but unfortunately he can't show it to you because i had to take Blaze off of it, and it broke in the process. Kill yourself with anxiety and anticipation over the new weapon. XD (ask Super Dragon what the weapon is and the story behind it if you don't know.)_  
 _Shadow: You now have a Romeo-like attraction to every female on the cast list. (Including, but not limited to: Amy, Tikal, Marine, Fiona, Sally, Bunny, Wave, Elise, et cetera.) Jack, kill each and every single one of these girls in front of him. You can't kill Rouge because she's... occupied... at the moment._  
 _And Finally: Shadow and Rouge... You shall now be treated to the horror that is known as the Saw Killer. Have the Saw Killer abduct each of them, and have them play one of his little "games"... Have it end up with Shadow killing Rouge, but as soon as he leaves he dies from some part of the game that Rouge knew about but didn't tell him. XD_  
 _By the way... THANKS SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS!_  
 _-Solis Knight_

SK: (glomps Blaze)

Jack: The review as a whole is pretty crazy…but the initial reaction wasn't as crazy as we had hoped!

Shadow: Kenny? Oh no…how does he die in that episode?

Jill: I'm not telling you…it's too good! (sends him to South Park)

-One (bleep)job later-

Cartman: Today, we host the funeral of our friend Kenny. THIS is why you shouldn't have oral sex! Everyone know all of the STDs that lie in people's mouths…

Fan girls: (create a universal day of mourning for Shadow)

-Back on stage-

Random fan girl 1: What will we do with our Shadow plushies now? (sobs)

Random fan girl 2: From now on…ESPIO is the top Sonic bishie!

Espio: (gets dragged off stage screaming)

Shadow: (revived) Good! Now that the fan girls are distracted with ninja boy, I'll take my next dares!

Tails: (bursts out of chains) Your next dare is…a firing squad! By one man! (shoots Shadow)

-Many executions later-

Jack: As to the next dare…I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't ALREADY alcoholic!

Shadow: (scrapes off singed fur) Oww…I hated that! Especially the laser sword-thing!

Jill: This beer will cool you down! (hands over acid)

Shadow: (drinks, then stars vomiting to death)

Jack: KEGGER TIME! (holds up a keg of acid)

Shadow: (bleep)!

-After Shadow becomes a puddle-

Rouge: Why me?

Jack: You're a nymphomaniac! A BIG crime back then!

Jill: I've been thinking about the leg-breaking trick this whole time!

Jack:…Creepy.

Jill: (nails up Rouge) DIE!

Jack: I want to look away…a fan girl's wrath is never fun to watch!

-One crucifixion later-

Rouge: Isn't it obvious? All of my STDs are too busy fighting each other!

Jack: It's the same reason that the doctors gave to Monty Burns as to why he's still alive on the Simpsons! All of his diseases were crammed with trying to get him, and wound up fighting each other instead of his immune system! Or lack of…

Rouge: I don't know how I can get all of them to focus on killing me! But I guess I can do the pistol dare…but how?

Jill: I'm sure Shadow would be able to help if he were around…but he's not!

Rouge: (heads off with pistol) This is crazy. Though if emo boy can (bleep) a pistol, I guess I can!

-One accidental suicide later-

Jack: (holds up jewels, starts singing) Money, money, money, money….MONEY! Money, money, money ,money…MONEY!

Jill: (also holding up jewels) Why don't we do the Drawn Together parody of that song? (starts singing) Cash, cash, cash, cash…CASH!

Jack: (reads rest of will) Sweet! That's one of my favorite Monty Python jokes! (gives everyone else a boot to the head)

-Back on stage-

Rouge: (revived) Another dare for me? Where do we start? (suddenly becomes blurry, then reforms) What happened? I-(looks down) AUGH! My breasts are bigger than ever! STUPID HACKERS!

Jack: Be grateful to the hackers…they could've done much worse!

Rouge: (grumbles)

Jill: (hypnotizes Rouge) You are now a Ditto. This means that you can breed with anyone!

Rouge: MUST…BREED! (starts taking any guy to the closet)

Jill: You know, I don't see any difference!

Jack: Neither do I! She's just the same as always!

-Many eggs later-

Eggman: (head out of closet triumphantly as it suddenly explodes behind him) Whoa…what happened?

Jill: She blew up from all of the glitches! Duh! (revives Shadow)

Shadow: (wags tail) What's the weapon? What's the weapon? (drools) Oops…

Jack: Sorry…we can't tell you!

Shadow: IT"S BROKEN?! Awww…(shoots self)

Jill: (revives Shadow) NOW FACE CUPID!

Cupid: (fires millions of arrows into Shadow)

Shadow: This feeling…it doesn't go well with me!

Jack: An emo in love? Perfect! (lines up girls, then assassinates them all with one shot by having the bullet go through each of them)

Shadow: (collapses) NOOOOOO! My hopes for my pimping days are over! (sobs)

Jill: It'll all go away if you sniff this! (hands Shadow some chloroform)

Shadow: (sniffs chloroform, falls unconscious)

-Later, at Saw's place-

Shadow: (wakes up) This is a cool place…I like all of the weapons here!

Saw: (over loudspeakers) Greetings, Shadow!

Shadow: DADDY?! YAY!

Saw: NO! I am not your dad!

Shadow: Awww…

Rouge: (tied up) Sweet! Am I going to have torture sex?

Saw: NO!

Rouge: Aw, come on! Not even a little bit?

Saw: NO!

Rouge: (pouts)

Saw: Now you must kill her to escape, Shadow!

Shadow: Hmmm…this is so hard to decide-(shoots Rouge immediately)

-Later-

Shadow: Why do I feel so weird down there? AUGH! The pain burns!

Saw: (laughs) You were injected earlier with syphilis! Rouge would've known how to cure it…but now it's over for you!

Shadow: Damn…you…(dies of an SD…again)

-Back on stage-

Jack: (revives both, chains them up) You're welcome! But more Shadow torture is still to come…

 _Woot Woot! I pick Shadow as my bishie =D'' (takes Shadow home for some "quality time" X) yeah in truth i'm a shadow fangirl X3. but i still enjoy his pain XD so make shadow be a character on the following shows:wow wow wubbzy, wonder pets, teletubbies and just to make him happy southpark and family guy=) oh and he can't die for this chapter nor cry out "Maria!" ( Take it like man shadow!)_  
 _-joelle XD_

Joelle: Come to me, bishie! (rips Shadow off of post, takes off with him)

Shadow: (screams for the police as he gets dragged into her house)

Jill: Wow…to think that Shadow would want the police to help!

-After the "quality time"-

Jack: (looking up shows online) Shadow's going to die….a horrible, horrible, horrible death!

Jill: He can't die! He's not allowed to!

Jack: But how are we supposed to prevent him from dying? These shows would kill ANYONE!

Jill: Then just simply make him invincible!

Jack: (grins) I like that idea! And then we can combine all three of those shows into one! May the learning begin…

-On Wonder Wubbzy Tubbies-

Shadow: What are these flowers doing here? They should be punished for their brightness!

Wubbzy: YAY! A new friend!

Shadow: (glares) I'm…not…A FRIEND!

Tinky-Winky: Of course you are!

Shadow: I have to get out of here now! (stabs self) What? WHY ISN"T THIS WORKING?!

Lala: Let's play!

Shadow: That's strange…normally I'd be going into the fetal position by now! Who gave me my pills?

Linny: Let's do arts and crafts!

Shadow: Let's do killing and maiming! I'LL GO FIRST!

-One mass loss of innocence for toddlers watching T.V. later-

Shadow: (heads into Family Guy) Now THIS is more like it!

Brian: Umm…hi.

Stewie: Who are you? Are you one of those government agents?

Shadow: Technically, I am but-(BAM)(gets blown up by Stewie's laser gun)

Brian: (back off slowly)

Lois: STEWIE! What have I told you about vaporizing government agents that enter our house? Now go to your room! (cleans up mess)

Stewie: I shall get my vengeance someday, woman…

-In South Park-

Shadow: (teleports in front of bus stop) Why is it so cold up here?

Cartman: Hey! Who the hell are you?

Stan: It's one of those Japanese things…like the Chinpokomon!

Kyle: Oh yeah! We still have to kick their ass for trying to make us bomb Pearl harbor!

Shadow: I don't want you to do that!…Although that WOULD be pretty sweet! (gets kicked in the crotch by Kenny) OW!

Cartman: (starts beating Shadow with a stick) Respect my authoritah, lower creature!

Stan: (pulls out some matches) This is going to be fun!

Shadow: AHHHHHHH!

-Back on stage-

Jack: Even in his favorite shows, he winds up suffering! (chains up a traumatized Shadow)

 _Hey, it's me again, I think I'd better hurry up writing this review before I have to wait even longer to get it written up. Nice idea though; it's definitely going to get you over 10 review's, though since your 50 away that isn't that much... Anyway, I'll take Rouge as I don't really know that much about Blaze... craziest reaction, eh? (Squeezes her so hard she turns red...then purple.. then green. ) ...Heh, didn't expect that._  
 _sonic, shadow, knuckles and omega: you guys have to dance the can-can! (in case you have no clue what this is I've got a link on you tube for it./watch?v=5aggqYZgQ8U &feature=related Believe me, once you get an idea of what this is you'll laugh like crazy. I almost did at the idea of Omega in a dress doing that.)_  
 _Shadow: I feel like a continuation of my last review is needed, but instead your name will be Emo man! Gives him a bright yellow cape, pink bodysuit and yellow underwear... which is to be put on your head. Also, you theme tune is the emo song. Now, go try to turn time back like Superman did in the first movie by flying around the world a few times. Note the word try._  
 _Black doom: while Jack has already deemed you as Shadow's father, I think youare actually his mother when compared to Gerald Robotnik. After all, he is made out from your blood. either way, I want you to like wear a big pink dress and act like a women. And motherly to shadow as well._  
 _Tails: so you think your a pimp, eh? Well, pimp these girls! (Throws Tails into a crowd of lesbian feminist fan girls.) Oh and throw Amy and Eggman in their as well._  
 _Knuckles: like shadow, I feel that you must continue with my last review, but you get to keep the name captain condoms. I've also got a new costume for you.(Hands him a bright pink cape, yellow bodysuit... and a packet of condoms.) I think you know what to do with the condoms. Put them on your dreadlocks. However, I'm also giving you a partner in crime now._  
 _Tikal: from now on you'll be known as... hooker girl! (Gives her a hookers outfit. Hey, it was bound to happen some time.) … and a packet of condoms. Do what knuckles does with them, put them on your dreadlocks. Now, I want you to to work together and teach the following people about the dangers of sex:_  
 _Black doom_  
 _Shadow_  
 _Eggman (yes, I know I've done him already but who cares)_  
 _metal sonic_  
 _gun commander_  
 _Rouge: I've decided to use irony on you this dare. Go have sex with Tikal but you have to pay her. Actually, better yet, every time you have sex you have to pay the other person for the next three chapters._  
 _-Lightning Master_

Rouge: (gets squeezed by LM, starts changing colors)

Jack: Cool! This is like that time we choked Sonic!

Sonic: (glares) I still remember that…

Jack: Don't worry…I know what the can-can is!

Sonic: (starts up the dance) This is easy!

Knuckles: Totally! (stumbles)

Shadow: This…is way too preppy for me!

Jill: You still have to do it!

Shadow: (sighs, then dances)

Fan girls: (swoon as usual)

Jack: Look! Omega's pwning all of them at the dance!

Omega: Of course. The doctor programmed into me many human functions, including dance.

Shadow: Let's just get this over with already…(puts on outfit) NOT THAT SONG!

Jill: Oh yeah…the one with the emo kid being a closet gay!

Shadow: I hate it like (bleep)ing (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)!

Jack: Dude…you've really got to cut down on the swearing!

Shadow: (bleep) you! (starts attempting to fly around the world)

-One world trip later-

Shadow: (panting) This is getting rough…

Jill: COME ON! Captain Hero pulled it off in a wheelchair!

Shadow: (continues)

Doom: What? This is an insult to my entire race!

Jack: That's why we do it!

Doom: (puts on dress) Shadow, honey! Time for dinner!

Shadow: (running back onto stage) What is it, Daddy?

Doom: Hurry up! Your blood of the innocent is getting cold!

Shadow: (rolls eyes) Fiiiiiine!

Doom: Don't you put up that tone with me, mister!

Shadow: (gives Doom the finger)

Doom: (runs off crying)

LM: Hey tails! I've got the perfect women for you! (throws Tails, Amy, and Eggman to feminist fan girls)

Feminist fan girls: (destroy Amy and Eggman)

Jack: Woohoo! I like this!

Tails: What are all of you going to do to me?

Feminist fan girl 1: Must…destroy…pimp…must…resist…fan girl urges!

Tails: Umm…how about a deal? I'm looking for some ladies for sex, and-(gets the crap beaten out of him)

Jill: Hehehe…karma keeps on working!

Jack: (gives Knuckles and Tikal their costumes)

Tikal: HOOKER GIRL?!

Jill: As the reviewer said, it was inevitable!

Tikal: (puts on outfit, causing many cheers from the entire male gender)

Knuckles: (puts on outfit) Weird…I look both ridiculous and awesome!

Jack: More like ridiculous.

Tikal: I have to put them on my dreadlocks? Mother(bleep)er!

-At Black Doom's talk-

Doom: Yes, I understand about the dangers of sex…but is there any dangers with slaying the innocent?

Knuckles: Umm…I don't think so.

Doom: Good. That's all I need to know!

-Shadow's talk-

Knuckles:-And so sex must be taken with caution, as-HEY! What are you doing?

Shadow: (stops having sex with Tikal) Oh. Sorry!

Tikal: (puts clothes back on) Heh…

Knuckles: Damn it! Did you listen to a thing I said?

Shadow: Um…no.

Knuckles: (pouts)

-Eggman's talk-

Eggman: I KNOW THIS ALREADY!

Knuckles: (scoffs) Well, I'll have you know that there are millions of people with STDs, and-

Eggman: Do I look like the type of person who's getting sex regularly?

Tikal:…True. He's got us there!

-Metal Sonic's talk-

Metal Sonic: I still do not get it. What is this mating process you are talking about.

Knuckles: (rolls eyes) What else can I say? The (bleep) goes in the (bleep)!

Metal Sonic:…Cannot compute.

Tikal: What, do we have to show you?

Metal Sonic: Show what.

Knuckles: (grins) I guess we'll have to show him! Score!

Tikal: (rolls eyes) Damn it!

-One fun hour for Knuckles later-

G.U.N. commander: What is this insolence? Do you know how many women I have had sex with in foreign countries?

Knuckles: But that makes it more dangerous! Other countries could become plagued by your diseases!

Tikal: Besides, what smart woman would sleep with you?

G.U.N. commander: (goes red in the face) Get out of here right now before I have you executed!

-Back on stage-

Rouge: Me…paying for something? But…that makes no sense! I'm supposed to be the one getting the money during my fun times!

Tikal: Well, things are different for you now!

Yuri fan boys: (storm onto stage, take Tikal and Rouge into closet)

-One double hooker bang later-

Rouge: (paying Tikal) Karma's REALLY at work today…

 _"Glomps Tails for pure insanity"_  
 _Japanese Songs karoake Contest! All the Losers will get thrown to the fans,while the winner gets immunity to all dares for four chapters, unless the winners wishes to do the dare._  
 _Sonic:Mune ga doki doki by the High-Lows_  
 _Amy:Nazo by Miho Komatsu_  
 _Blaze: Unmei no Roulette mawashite by ZARD_  
 _Tikal:Truth ~Great Detective of Love~ by Two-Mix_  
 _Knuckles:Giri Giri Chop by B'Z_  
 _Rouge: Koi wa Thrill, Shock,Suspence by Rina Aiuchi_  
 _Elise: START by Rina Aiuchi_  
 _Shade:Growing of My Heart by Mai Kuraki_  
 _Sonia:Glorius Mind by ZARD_  
 _Silver:Mysterious by Naifu_  
 _Sally:Revive by Mai Kuraki_  
 _Espio:Everlasting Luv by BREAKERZ_  
 _Jill:Koori no ue ni Tatsu You ni by Miho Komatsu_  
 _Cream:Still For Your Love by Rumania Montevideo_  
 _Dr. Robotnik: Free Magic by WAG_  
 _Cosmo:Secret of My Heart by Mai Kuraki_  
 _Shadow: Koigokoro Kagayaki Nagara by Naifu_  
 _Tails: One by B'Z_  
 _Maria:Anata ga Iru Kara by Miho Komatatsu_  
 _Mephiles: Always by Mai Kuraki_  
 _Vector: Everlasting by B'Z_  
 _Charmy:Time After Time -Hana Mau Machi de- by Mai Kuraki_  
 _Manic:DreamXDream by Rina Aiuchi_  
 _Everybody not including on the list:Step by Step by ZIGGY_  
 _Every Girl:Nanatsu no Umi wo Wataru Kaze no You ni by Rina Aiuchi & U-ka Saegusa_  
 _Every Boy:PUZZLE by Mai Kuraki_  
 _Evrybody on Stage:Break by Two-Mix_  
 _Evrybody including the fans:Boku ga Iru by Iori_  
 _Evrybody including the fans:Kimi ga Ireba by Iori_  
 _(Note: I would like Nanatsu no Umi wo Wataru Kaze no You ni,PUZZLE,Break,Boku ga Iru, and Kimi ga ireba in detail. If not then at least have Kimi ga Ireba in detail.)_  
 _Now for the dares!_  
 _Sonic:Eat Big alive._  
 _Omega & Shadow:Help the doctor in commiting suicide...again._  
 _Jack:Make love in the closet with Jill._  
 _Now for... THE MARRIAGES! 8dun dun dun!)_  
 _Use that Cupid guy if necessary.I would like these couples to get married:_  
 _Sonic/Amy_  
 _Tails/Cosmo_  
 _Shadow/Tikal (You guys are so similar!)_  
 _Knuckles/Rouge_  
 _Silver/Blaze_  
 _Charmy/Cream_  
 _Espio/Shade_  
 _Jack/Jill_  
 _Vector/Vannila_  
 _(Note:When done, make a celebrattion buy getting all the married couples toget really drunk and make love with each other and get the girl pregnant.)_  
 _That's it for now. Phew, I'm exhausted._  
 _-VortexHavenPrower_

Tails: (gets glomped by VHP) Mmph! Not more insanity!

Jack: (takes TONS of voice enhancers) Now I'm ready! (starts singing Step by Step in fluent Japanese)

-Later-

Everyone else: (pouts)

Sonic: That's totally cheating!

Jack: That's the power of being an Author! Now, due to this being THE LONGEST CHAPTER I HAVE EVER WRITTEN, I shall skip over the rest of the songs as we can assume everyone else lost due to my cheating! But we will do the one song you wanted in detail…

Everyone: (starts singing Kimi ga Ireba) _utsumuku sono senaka ni itai ame wa tsukisasaru inoru omoide mite ita kono yo ni moshimo kasa ga tatta hitotsu da to shite mo sagashite KIMI ni watasu yo nanimo dekinai kedo KIMI no kawari nureru kurai wake mo nai sa onegai sono nayami wo douka watashi ni uchiakete kanarazu asa wa kuru sa owaranai ame mo nai ne dakara jibun wo shinjite tsuki to taiyou nara watashi wa tsuki KIMI ga ireba kagayakeru yo hitori de seowanaide kizuite watashi ga iru koto mou sugu sono kokoro ni kirei na niji ga kakaru kara mou sugu sono kokoro ni kirei na niji ga kakaru kar_

Jill: Hooray for copying-and-pasting of online song lyrics!

Sonic: That's…not going to be a fun dare for me!

Jill: (hypnotizes Sonic into thinking Big is a giant chili dog…and you know the rest)

Shadow: I remember that from my game…good times!

Omega: Then let us create them again.

Eggman: (gulps) Please, Shadow! Don't do this like before!

Shadow: Goodbye, fool! (does karate chop and causes everything to go dark)

Jack: YAY! Every Anti-Eggman fan is cheering!

Jill: Um…apparently we have to "celebrate" Eggman's death!

Jack: Oh boy…well, let's get going then! (heads into closet)

-Later-

Jill: That was quick!

Jack: We've still got a lot to do!

Cupid: (sharpens arrows) I'm ready anytime! (fires a volley at the crowd of Sonic characters)

Jill: (covers eyes) This isn't going to end well…

-Many marriages/pregnancies later-

Blaze: Hey! Apparently I was already pregnant before!

Fan boys: (panic)

Blaze: Don't worry, it wasn't one of you guys. It was Silver!

Silver: What? But…when did we have sex recently besides just now?

Blaze: Yeah…remember when you saved my life from Iblis there? And I "rewarded" you?

Silver: But…that was a few years in the past! Well, in the future! Well, I guess you could say the future of the past!

Jill: Or the past of the future!

Jack: But, how can it be in the past if it's in the future? But then again, how can it be in the future if it's in the past? Those questions keep me up at night…

Blaze: Whatever time frame it's in, I'm still knocked up with everyone else in these marriages!

Jill: Well…this means the biggest Juno ever!

-After the biggest Juno ever-

Jack: (panting) One…more…review!

 _Sup Jack!(gets stabbed, real DoomWraith walks in) What is with this stupid cloning machine anyways_  
 _*glomps Blaze accidentally crushes her due to being the size of a collusous*_  
 _Blaze you and Shadow go in the closet_  
 _Silver you must say you are gay then be thrown to the gay fanguys_  
 _Shadow here is an eclipse cannon targeter aim for the fangirls and the two fakers, also(activates powers to creat a barrier around him to protect from fangirls)_  
 _Hey Jack I will give you a copy of my brothers sword and you shall go insane on Tails_  
 _Tails you are no longer a pimp you shall now act like a little 5 year old and be good_  
 _Rouge you will be Jacks slave_  
 _Jet will be thrown in the time rift I created_  
 _the immpossible must happen Knuckles shall learn Math I think the Earth will explode_  
 _Mephiles you sewage waste (Dark Gaia is summoned to attack him) perish you sissy_  
 _-DoomWraith_

DoomWraith: (kills clone, then approaches Blaze)

Blaze: (jaw drops) He's so big-AH! (gets crushed)

Jack: What? You didn't scream or anything! That's not crazy! That's just being gigantic!

DoomWraith: Oops…

Jill: (revives Blaze) Now get in the closet with Shadow again!

Shadow: Hehe…I'm getting more and more rewarded! (heads into closet with Blaze)

Jack: So Silver, are you gay?

Silver: NO!

Jill: What if we meant by gay as happy?

Silver: STILL NO! Shadow's doing my girl in the closet!

Jack: (grumbles) Stupid unhappy Silver…

Jill: (hypnotizes Silver) You are gay…

Silver: I am gay…(jumps into crowds, makes some very happy gay fan boys)

Shadow: (heads out of closet, grabs targeter) Finally! I've been waiting for something like this for a long time! Now the pay raises will be coming a-plenty! (heads to G.U.N. headquarters)

Jack: (grabs sword) Going insane? That's never very hard to do on this fic! (charges at Tails)

Tails: What's happening, mister? Do you have some toy blocks?

Jack: (stops) Damn it! I can't do it! By being 5, he's still too young to become what we would call an idiot! And I don't feel like torturing him if he's not idiotic!

Jill: What now, then?

Jack: Meh. I don't need more sex this chapter!

Jet: What time rift?

Jack: Look! A time rift! (points in random direction)

Jet: (looks in random direction) What? Where?

Jack: (pushes Jet into real time rift) There!

Jill: I don't know why, but the stage just suddenly feels slightly less annoying!

Knuckles: Math? But…the doctor advised me not to go anywhere near numbers!

Jack: Really? (grins) 64! 77! Eleventeen!

Knuckles: (runs around screaming)

Jack: (laughs) Eleventeen's not even a real number!

Knuckles: Really? Hey…now I learned something!

Earth: (starts exploding)

Jack: Crap! I really did it this time!

-One world destruction and rebuilding later-

Mephiles: I'm NOT sewage waste!

Jill: I don't know…you look like it in your liquid form!

Mephiles: (glares)

Dark Gaia: (rises out of Earth)

Jack: Not again! Destroying the Earth must have pissed him off!

Dark Gaia: ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!

Jill: Ummm…(points to Mephiles) He did it! I saw him do it! He caused Knuckles to learn something and destroy the Earth!

Mephiles: No, I-

Dark Gaia: (wipes out Mephiles in a torrent of flames)

-One re-sealing of Dark Gaia later-

Jack: We did it! Now everyone has been able to see the craziness that this fic can do!

Jill: This took up 45 pages on Microsoft Word!

Jack: Whoa…the longest English essay I've ever had to write was 15 pages long!

Jill: That means…this is the biggest thing you've ever written!

Jack: AWESOME! Remember…only you, the reader, can determine how this fic goes through your reviews! Even if it's just commenting on the fic as a whole instead of truths or dares, it helps a lot!

We are EXTREMELY close to our 1000th review! Whoever gets that review made will have theirs shown at the beginning of the first chapter after that review is made! May the competition for the 1000th review begin! (Remember, you can review for multiple chapters…so if you just review for enough chapters, the review count will hit 1000 with one of those reviews!)

Jill: I hate to interrupt, but we'll probably hit the 1000th review in a few seconds, now that you've told our readers that!

Well, duh! It'll be fun to watch…


	70. The dangers of YouTube Poop

The dangers of YouTube Poop

Welcome to a fanfic that has hit the fourth digit in reviews!

Jill: Knuckie looks so cute in a helmet!

Knuckles: Oh, you mean for that one game?

Sonic; You already forgot it?

Knuckles: Ummm…maybe.

Jack: But I agree with SEGA's idea to give Knuckles a helmet for Sonic and the Black Knight. In fact, I personally think Knuckles should ALWAYS have to wear a helmet! If you know what I mean…

Knuckles: (puts head down)

Sonic: I feel…less tortured than usual! What's been taking you a while to update in recent chapters?

Jill: Well, it's mostly because he's been watching way too much YouTube Poop for his own health or sanity!

Jack: (fetal position) Dinner…toasters…spaghetti…squadillah!

Sonic: But that's just from the Mario and Zelda teases! What about the Sonic teases?

Jack: (stands up) They're all pretty much the same…turning your PSA against getting touched by others into an endorsement for getting touched by others! It gets boring quickly…but I will say that the one called "Sonic sez smoke weed" is a funny one!

Sonic: Yay! I have a funny YouTube Poop!

Jack: Yes. One…

Jill: Well, let's do the one-thousandth review…

 _YAY I GET THE THOUSANDTH REVIEW!_  
 _I hope the numbering is right!_  
 _Anyway, i'll make it fast and hope i'm the first one._  
 _Shadow: Do what you were born to do, and become a kamikaze for Sonic._  
 _Amy: Attack Sonic! Shadow will blow you both up._  
 _Sonic: Have a bath.. in acid!_  
 _Rouge: Suck on anything and EVERYTHING that looks like it can be sucked on this chapter._  
 _Tails: Surgically split your tails until you have ten, then go to Japan and freak everyone out._  
 _Big: Sit on Tikal._  
 _Tikal: sit on big._  
 _Dark Gaia: be unleashed due to the paradox._  
 _I'll be back! I just hope this really IS the thousandth review!_  
 _-Solis Knight_

Shadow: (eyes widen) DAMN IT!

Sonic: (laughs) I'll think of something. Until then…(heads off)

Amy: But why would I attack my bishie?

Jill: Once you look over there, you'll see! (points in Sonic's direction)

Sonic: (making out with Sally)

Amy: You won't like me when I'm angry…(turns into the Incredible Fan girl)

Shadow: (sets up bomb) Stupid dares…(blows up Amy)

Sonic: YAY!

Jill: Time for a celebration bath! (shoves Sonic into acid bath)

Sonic: YAH! (dissolves)

Rouge: (bleep)! This is so annoying…(starts sucking on the floor)

Guys: (cheering)

Tails: But who can do this surgery?

Jill: A mad doctor, of course! (points to Eggman)

Eggman: Tee hee…I get to experiment!

Tails: (gulps)

-Later, in Japan-

Tails: (heads onto street with ten tails) Time for the embarrassment…(nothing happens) What's going on?

Random bystander 1: You only have ten tails? HA! Here in Japan, we have the craziest looks!

Random bystander 2: Just look at our hair!

Random bystander 1: Or our styles of clothing!

Tails: Really? COOL!

-Back on stage-

Big: (crushes Tikal)

Tikal: Can't…get up…

Jack: Hey Big, can you move over a bit?

Big: Uhhhhh…(moves over)

Tikal: (climbs on Big a bit)

Dark Gaia: (rises up from the ground again, crashes through stage) ROAR!

Jack: (bleep)! Look what you did to our stage!

Dark Gaia: ROAR!

Janitor: You're cleaning up for this! (hands Dark Gaia a mop and bucket)

Jill: What? Can't we be absolutely ridiculous once in a while?

Jack: (revives Sonic and Amy) Let's head back to some reviews for chapter 29...

 _WOOT!Thanx for using my dares!_  
 _Okay this is for torture reasons only!_  
 _Silver:Okay To prove that your gay MAKEOUT with SONIC!_  
 _Eggman:get your butt kicked by cheese the chao while wearing a dress_  
 _Amy:Get eaten in the slowest most painful way by anyone or anything_  
 _Rouge:MORTAL KOMBAT! With all the girls that like knuckles_  
 _Sonic:You. now_  
 _Knuckles:Cut off the spikes on your fists and try to climb a wall...While holding a boulder AND with Jill chasing you!_  
 _KK thats all I'm out!_  
 _-Safarithecat_

Silver: Awww…more gay dares?

Yaoi fan girls: (grab Silver and Sonic)

Sonic: AH! Get that ugly thing off me!

Silver: (cries)

Jack: HEY! They're only supposed to be MAKING OUT! (hits yaoi fan girls with a broom) Back! Back!

Eggman: (puts on dress) This is humiliating…

Cheese: (takes steroids, develops huge muscles) Chao! (punches Eggman through a wall)

Jack: (throws Amy to Dark Gaia) It's feeding time!

Dark Gaia: (swallows Amy)

Amy: Oooooh…what's all of that glowy stuff-AHHHH! IT"S STOMACH ACID!

Jack: MWAHAHA! Burn, you crazy fan girl!

Rouge: (gets out of crowd of guys) Sweet! I'm good at that game!

Jill: Really? How do you win it?

Rouge: I distract my opponents with my cleavage!

Tikal:…Of course.

Jill: (stores up enrgy) FOR THE BISHIE! (causes an explosion)

Rouge and Tikal: (knocked off of their feet)

Creepy Mortal Kombat voice: FINISH THEM!

Jill: (wipes the floor with them both…literally)

Sonic: But…I just escaped those yaoi fan girls!

Jack: That's why you get to meet them again!

Yaoi fan girls: (drag in Mario, take him and Sonic into closet)

-Later-

Knuckles: (takes knife) I love my spikeys…(cuts them off) Oooh! The knife hurt me!

Jill: Time for my reward! (charges at Knuckles)

Knuckles: (tries to grab on random boulder, falls)

Jill: (drags Knuckles into another closet)

Jack: And the sex has only started in this chapter…

 _I love this fic! 10/10_  
 _Sonic: Now for something diffrent, do it with Tikal!_  
 _Cream and Tails: Turn Cream into a female two tailed mobian fox, and then do it. Then tell us what you think is better, Cream as a rabbit, or Cream as a two tailed mobian fox?_  
 _Shadow: Be turned into a Sonic look alike, and then walk in frount of Amy to see what happens._  
 _Blaze: Say TailsXCream rules in frount of all the TailsXCosmo fangirls. (All the Blaze fangirls have to be there to see it)_  
 _Cosmo:... Aren't you soppost to be dead?_  
 _Eggman: Go through the whole Green Hills zone to see what it's like to be Sonic._  
 _Silver: I'm starting to think your more emo the Shadow... So I dare you to smile the whole chapter._  
 _Knuckles: OMG! I JUST SAW THE MASTER EMERALD FALL INTO THAT PIT! *Points to pit full of Knuckle fangirls*_  
 _Charmy: *Hands him keys to a UFO and a bag of suger* Knock your self out._  
 _Omega: You have to start every sentace with Meetbag for this chapter._  
 _That should be enough for now. *Prays this gets into the next chapter soon*_  
 _-Toko the Pikmin master_

Sonic: (runs out of closet crying) Those fan girls touched me in a bad place!

Jack: Get used to it! You get to do the chief's daughter! (cough) Virgin! (cough)

Tikal: (glares, then heads into a closet with Sonic)

Jack: Well, we'd better get the species changing going! AUTHOR POWERS! (turns Cream into a fox)

Tails: (back from Japan) Sweet! If I could describe this day in words, I would-

Jack: Don't push your luck. If you're not careful, I'll set the dog catcher on you!

Tails: (gulps, then heads into closet with Cream)

Jack: And I've got just what we need for Shadow's dare! (picks up one of Sonic's hairs off the ground, puts it in a Polyjuice Potion)

Shadow: (chugs potion) Damn Harry Potter fans…(turns into Sonic)

Amy: (revived) I need some comfort! (glomps Shadow) You'll have to do, my fuzzy wuzzy nuzzy!

Shadow: Shut…up…you-AUGH! (gets taken into another closet)

ShadAmy fans: (chant victory)

Blaze: More fan girl wars? (rolls eyes) Like we need it…TAILSCREAM FOR THE WIN!

TailsCosmo fan girls: (bring out the hoses on Blaze)

Blaze fan girls: (get vengeance in the style only fan girls can do)

Cosmo: Yes, but you (glares at Jack) had to bring me back to life for this thing!

Jack: How else can you be tortured for your stupidity?

Eggman: That should be easy! I designed the place myself! The robots there all obey me!

Jack: (starts hacking) Not anymore…

-In Green Hill Zone-

Eggman: (crawls to end of stage badly scorched) What now?

Game Eggman: (flies in on swinging ball machine) Wait…where's Sonic?

Eggman: What?! Is that you, me?

Game Eggman: What are you doing here?

Eggman: I have to go through this stupid level for a dare!

Game Eggman: (scratches head) A dare?

Eggman: Yes…now excuse me, I have a world to try taking over again!

Game Eggman: Hey, that's my job!

Eggman: No! It's mine!

Game Eggman: I shall dominate over the Eggman Empire, and be one of the most feared video game villains of all time!

Eggman: Oh boy…you've got a lot to learn!

Jack: (teleports in) NO! Don't tell him his future! It's funnier that way! (teleports Eggman out)

Game Eggman: (scratches head again) That was really confusing.

-Back on stage-

Silver: I'm not emo! It's just that everyone here is really mean! (goes to corner to cry)

Jill: (runs out of closet, puts duct tape over the corners of Silver's mouth) You have to smile!

Silver: (bleep)!

Jack: (laughs) That's just like those YouTube Poops where they have Link say "Great!", followed by "Great!", and then finally "(bleep)!"

Knuckles: Again? Why are they always taking it?

Jack: Have you ever heard of the term "gullible"?

Knuckles: No, I'm not a fish! (jumps into crowd)

Jack: (scratches head)

Charmy: (takes bag) More of the white stuff? Yes! (swallows bag whole, then has pupils dilate)

-One UFO crash later-

Charmy: WOOT! I can feel the adrenaline pumping!

Cosmo: (slaps Charmy) You totally wrecked my ship! And just after I got my UFO pilot's license, too! My parents are going to kill me for this…

Charmy: (pats Cosmo on the back) Don't worry about your mistake. Admit it: You (bleep)ed up! You trusted me! (By far, one of the funniest moments in the movie Animal House!)

Tails: (heads out of closet with Cream)

Jill: So, who did you like more?

Tails: The fox, I guess. (shrugs)

Omega: Meatbag, will do.

Jill: If you want him to be more like Bender from Futurama, wouldn't it make more sense to have Omega say Meatbag after a sentence?

Jack: Well, whatever…

 _Sonic Face Danny Phantom in a Battle_  
 _Sliver Face Slowpoke Rogezese Speedy Gonzaules Cousin_  
 _Shadow Get Rape by Godzilla_  
 _Charmy Go to JP and get Rape by Raptors_  
 _Chaos Rape Tails and Pregent him_  
 _Cosmo Get mad at Chaos for Raping and Impregent Tails by Sucking the Water form him_  
 _Chessee Hump Cream_  
 _Amy Make out with Rouge and get pregent too._  
 _Blaze Face Bowser and Beat him up_  
 _Big Face Homer Simpson in a Pie Eating contest_  
 _Eggman Rape Aleena (From Sonic Underground) and let sonic Beat you up for that_  
 _Metal Sonic Rape Vector_  
 _Espio Make out with Vanilla_  
 _Omega Face the Droids from Star Wars Clone wars in a battle_  
 _Jet get Rape by Zon form Secrete Saturdays and let Wave be Angry with you_  
 _Wave Get Jet back by Making out with Sonic and Tails_  
 _Knuckals Face Storm in a wrestling match with Froggy as the specal gust Ref_  
 _-Charles Roberts_

Sonic: (heads out of closet) Who the (bleep) is that?

Phantom: I am! (lifts Sonic in the air with powers, then blows him up)

Jill: It's official: Sonic sucks at fighting!

Silver: Oh boy! I get to finally prove my fast skills!

Rodriguez: (walks onto stage) Let's go, Holmes…though I'm a little tired. (yawns)

Silver: (runs…or walks, in comparison to Sonic or Shadow) Hey…I'm winning this thing!

Rodriguez: (panting) You go ahead…I've got to rest a bit, hombre!

Jack: (laughs) You horrible, horrible Mexican stereotype…

Silver: I won!

Jill: Just…shut up already! You sound like Link at the end of Link: The Faces of Evil!  
Jack: But now we have some free vacations! Shadow gets to go to Japan, Charmy gets to visit a classified island in the Pacific, and Blaze gets to go to the Mushroom Kingdom!

-In Japan-

Shadow: Tails was right! This place is awesome! (notices everyone running away) What's going on?

Godzilla: ROAR!

Shadow: Cool! I get to kill something here as well! (uses Chaos Emeralds to teleport on top of Godzilla, starts fighting)

Godzilla: ROAR! (knocks Shadow down)

Shadow: A tough fighter, huh? I like this challenge! (kicks Godzilla in the face)

Godzilla: (blushes)

Shadow: What the (bleep)? What are you blushing for? I'm kicking your ass!

Random bystander 1: (gasps) Godzilla must like you! Anyone who can outdo it in a fight will win over it's heart!

Shadow: (eyes widen) But that means-AUGH! (gets grabbed by Godzilla, dragged off)

-In Jurassic Park-

Raptors: (shriek)

Charmy: Who are you creatures? Will you be friends with me? I-YAH!

-Back on stage-

Yaoi fan girls: (decide to experiment with Chaos and Tails)

Yuri fan boys: (grab Amy and Rouge in revenge)

Jack: (injects Cheese with hormones)

Cheese: (starts humping everything in sight)

Jill: That's…a scary thought!

Jack: Wait…now Cheese has both steroids AND hormones? Uh-oh…

Cream: AHHHHHH! My leg's broken!

-In the Mushroom Kingdom-

Bowser: (does his infamous Hotel Mario laugh)

Blaze: You realize that it makes you sound like the voice from Mortal Kombat, right?

Bowser: (continues his evil laugh)

Blaze: You know what? After a while, this laugh is kind of getting annoying! DIE! (roasts Bowser over a fire)

-Back on stage-

Tails: Curse those Yaoi fan girl powers…knocking me up again!

Cosmo: Hey! Nobody rapes my man and survives for long! (absorbs Chaos)

Tails: (heads to Juno alone)

Homer: (walks onto stage) Where's the free donuts?

Jill: Umm...we had to replace it with pie! (points to pie-eating stand)

Homer: Awww…Whoo-hoo! Awww…Whoo-hoo!

Big: Uhhhh…what do I do with these pies?

Jack: What you always do every time you see a pie!

Big: Okay. (starts eating)

Homer: Hey! Those are my delicious pies! (also starts eating)

Jill: How long do you think this will go on?

Jack: Until one of them succumbs to a stroke. Definitely!

Eggman: More raping? Umm…this isn't what I usually do!

Jill: You aren't usually tortured either, but this fic made an exception!

Jill: Who's Aleena?

Jack: (looks on computer, then starts laughing) Sonic's mom!

Scourge: (rolls over laughing)

Eggman: Well, I guess I had better go…(starts the long search for her)

Jack: Man…now we have a GREAT source of "your mom" jokes for chapters and chapters to come!

Jill: But how do we get Metal Sonic to do his dare-(notices yaoi fan girls dragging off Metal Sonic and Vector) Oh.

-Much later-

Sonic: (revived) What's happened?

Eggman: I totally did it with your mom!

Sonic: WHAT?!

Eggman: Yes. She seems to be a dumb whore who-AUGH! (gets beaten up by Sonic)

Big: (collapses from eating too much)

Homer: Yes! I'm the best!

Jack: And five hours late for your work shift.

Homer: D'oh! (runs off)

Amy: Now I'm pregnant again! Why does everyone think I'm a lesbian?

Jack: That doesn't matter. You have a film to do! (sends her to Juno with Rouge)

Espio: Hmm…sure. (grabs Vanilla, starts a fierce makeout session)

Vanilla: Mmph! Damn!

Espio: (throws off Vanilla) There, happy?

Jill: Damn it! Vector should've been here to see this! Oh well…

Omega; Meatbag, those droids shall regret facing me.

Droids: (head onto stage)

Omega: Meatbag, die. (shoots at them)

Droids: (hold up shields, block bullets)

Omega: Meatbag, what. Impossible.

Droids: (fire back, blow Omega to pieces)

Jet: Zon? Who's that? (disappears in a swoosh) AHHHHHH!

Wave: Like, where'd my hottie go? Ugh, this is, like, NOT my day!

Jill: You'll have to do with Sonic and Tails!

Wave: Those losers? (scoffs) Oh, my gosh!

Tails: I hate her! Do I have to?

Jack: I had to earlier in this fic…you must suffer too!

Sonic: (grins) This'll piss off Jet so much!

Wave: Like, let's just totally get this over with! I have to, like, apply my makeup and stuff! (starts double makeout)

Knuckles: Wrestling? I still don't like the results of the last time I had to…

Jill: It's just Storm this time!

Knuckles: I'M READY!

-At match-

Storm: Whaddya say, huh? Is da boss gonna like dis or what?

Knuckles: Like what?

Storm: When I destroy ya!

Jack: Like how he destroys the English language.

Storm: (glares, then starts fight)

Froggy: (stands ready with whistle)

Knuckles: This is easy! I'll just-(looks at hands) NO! My spikes are still gone! (gets pulverized)

Froggy: (blows whistle) Ribbit! (Translation: What's-his-face defeats so-and-so!)

Knuckles: (dizzy) Maybe I do need a helmet, after all!

Your reviews are the fuel that keeps the fire of this fic going!


	71. The Oops Chapter

The Oops Chapter

Apparently we forgot two of the glomping reviews that had been sent for Chapter 68…whoops! Here, we'll get to them now!

 _Sonic: gets to go to the Olympic games pool race (dont tell him he forgot hisfloaty thing)_  
 _Silver: Payback for being the one pick on! Make a fool out of Sonic andShadow the best you can!_  
 _Shadow: Sorry about that last dare! Here's a new gun! Try it out on thattarget board (don't tell him its Maria till the bullet hits)_  
 _Knuckles: Admit that you still play with Legos! (its on your shoes anywaysLOL!)_  
 _Jill: Call Knuckles, Lego Man for the rest of the chapter!_  
 _Amy: Love potion for Sonic (trip her so it spills on Blaze)_  
 _Cream and Cosmo: You're in a room with the TailsXMarine fans! Better run!_  
 _P.S. Oh Shadie-kun! I'm sorry about the dares! *glomps him although dued tothe human size of her, she suffocates him* oh! Shadow I'm sorry again! i'llmake it up to you by letting you marry me, and for me to have yourbabies!*carries body to closet*_  
 _-Tecky-Tessa_

Jack: Again, we're sorry. My eyes suck at noticing things sometimes…but let's get to it, then! (chains up Shadow)

Sonic: (bleep)! (heads to Olympic race) Um…wow…that's a big pool!

Jack: Just swim in it already!

Sonic: I have to comment on how the pool is so huge, and that-AUGH! (gets shoved into water)

Shadow: (laughs)

Silver: (holds up video) You won't be laughing for long. THIS is some footage of you and Sonic during the last time that the yaoi fan girls dragged you two into the closet!

Shadow: (gulps) I WAS FORCED TO!

Silver: Let's let everyone else decide that…(posts it on YouTube)

Shadow: (gets desire to rip Silver into pieces)

Jill: Here, you'll get shooting practice! (hands Shadow a gun)

Shadow: YES! (fires at Silver, then shoots at target board)

Maria: I say, what's this target board for-YAH! (gets shot)

Shadow: (attempts fetal position, but is still stuck in chains)

Knuckles: No I don't!

Jack: (opens a trapdoor) Whoa! Knuckles, you really put a lot of Legos in here!

Knuckles: Damn it! How did you know?

Jack: (points to a sign saying "Leggows down heyere") Great spelling, by the way!

Knuckles: Thank you!

Jill: Fine…as long as he's still at least a bishie, I'm fine with calling him Lego Man!

Amy: (does an evil witch laugh) HAHAHAHA! (grabs broom, then flies around)

Jack: I knew it! Amy's an evil witch! When she gets back here, we'll burn her at the stake!

Amy: (comes back to the stage carrying a goblet) I've now combined the flowers, unicorn hairs, and tarts to create…my ultimate love potion! (runs to Sonic)

Blaze: (runs across stage) Where's Silver? I heard of the video he posted and-(bumps into Amy) AH! (gets potion spilled on her)

Amy: NOOOOOO! You shall die, bitch! (starts strangling Blaze)

Blaze: (blushing) So we're playing like that now, huh?

Amy: (stops strangling) What?

Blaze: Wow…this is hot!

Amy: Get away from me! (slaps Blaze, then runs)

Jack: (summons torch-wielding mob, points to Amy) There she is! BURN THE WITCH!

Bedevere: (grabs Amy) We shall test this. Remember…if she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood and therefore is a witch!

Jack: She's a hedgehog! Of course she'll weigh the same!

Bedevere: Oh, alright then. Burn away.

Mob: YAAAAAAAAY! (burns the witch)

Jill: I know where Tails is hiding…(points to a random room)

Cream: Really? Well, let's confront him!

Cosmo: Yes! It's time for us to meet up…(heads into room with Cream)

TailsMarine fans: THE ENEMIES! (sounds of fighting occur)

TT: (runs onto stage, glomps Shadow to death) Well, you know what they say…you break it, you buy it! (drags Shadow into closet)

Jack: That poor bastard…

-One wedding/family later-

Shadow: It took many burnings and pillaging…but I finally made it back!

 _Zathos:*busts in on the apocalyptic horse of doom*_  
 _Jack: what the hell? who are you? No OC's allowed! Guards, seize him! (creates guards with author powers)_  
 _Zathos: (annihilates guards with whips of shadow fire) Back off bi**hes! Shadows mine and mine alone!_  
 _Rouge: Why shadow? I'm cuter!_  
 _Zathos: My interest is in Shadow..._  
 _Shadow: !? Aren't you a guy?_  
 _Zathos: maybe..._  
 _Shadow: Oh God!_  
 _Zathos: God can't help you now..*chains shadow up and drags him away to his (my) secret layer...*_  
 _(deep in the dark depths of my room)_  
 _Zathos: you belong to my master now..._  
 _Shadow (gulp)_  
 _Laurexine: Yezz... all mine.. (grins and shows rows of pointed teeth...)*GLOMPS SHADOW*_  
 _-laurexine flight_

Jack: Don't worry...the glomping contest is an exception!

Zathos: (charges on stage, starts a destruction rampage)

Jack: (pouts) What did you have to kill my guards for?

Zathos: I need Shadow. (grabs Shadow, takes off)

-One glomping later-

Jill: Well, it looks like Shadow isn't coming back for a while…

Jack: But we've fixed the errors! Now, let's get back to the 20s in chapters!

 _Give Tails boobs and make him breast feed the entire cast._  
 _-Nobody_

Jill: I know you're going to hate me for this, Tails…AUTHORESS POWERS!

Tails: (develops things that guys should never have to develop, covers up) Not another yaoi fan girl!

Jack: It looks like one.

Sonic: This is gross! I'm not taking it!

Shadow: (miraculously returns) Neither am I.

All guys: (agree)

Jill: Well…(hypnotizes every guy into thinking Tails is Rouge) NO! Stop raping him-I mean her! Just suck on the boobs a bit…(face palm) Damn it!

-A few minutes of Tails torture later-

Jack: (turns Tails back, revives Amy) Wow…that has caused a lot of guys to be very pissed off!

 _Some more ideas, Mostly fights_  
 _Sonic: Go on a relaxing cruise with one other character in the next chapter you deserve a break._  
 _Tails: Let's see how well you can fly in a battle with Zapdos. If you actually win you can take one girl of your choice to the closet. No using the Tornado._  
 _Espio: Fight the "Ask a Ninja" ninja._  
 _Charmy: Fight Bee Mario._  
 _Banjo & Kazooie: Come and show what real VG characters are made of._  
 _Amy: Get revenge for Sonic '06 when Elise kissed Sonic. Not only do you get to beat up Elise, but you also get to beat up the people who made the game._  
 _That's all for now. As you can see I love bringing in characters from other games._  
 _Had one more idea_  
 _Janitor: Three words. Get your revenge._  
 _-Samari45_

Sonic: Hmm…I'm trying to think of someone who won't kill me!

Amy: I won't!

Jack: We know you will. In fact, you're the one most likely to kill him!

Sonic: Umm…what about Vector? He'll be too busy listening ot music to annoy me!

Vector: Yes! I'm less annoying! (heads onto cruise)

Tails: That Legendary Pokemon? I'm (bleep)ed!

Zapdos: (flies in through a storm)

Tails: (flies up, starts firing bazooka at Zapdos)

Jill: It seems that Tails is getting addicted to weapons as well!

Zapdos: (dodges)

Jack: AUGH! It always did that whenever I played Pokemon as a kid! That pissed me off so much!

Zapdos: (shocks Tails with a crapload of electricity)

Espio: Who's the "Ask A Ninja" guy?

Ninja: (jumps onto stage) I am! (does random hand gestures)

Espio: (prepares for fight) You talk pretty loud for a ninja!

Ninja: (does more random hand gestures) Of course! I've been telling the world about our great lives! Fighting dragons, collecting weapons, and fighting those stupid pirates!

Espio: Hey…no one should know about that!

Ninja: Well, then I look forward to killing you soon! (does more random hand gestures)

Espio: (uses throwing stars on him)

Ninja: (jumps up, punches Espio with random hand gestures)

Espio: OW! Stop it! I quit!

Charmy: (flies up) Sweet!

Mario: (grabs Bee Mushroom, starts flying) Time to die!

Charmy: Not if I use my ultimate weapon…(pulls out a liter of soda, chugs it)

Mario: Mama mia! (bleep)! (gets killed by the explosive blur that Charmy becomes)

Banjo: (runs onto stage with Kazooie) Who the hell are these idiots?

Sonic: (comes back from cruise) We're the video game characters that became more popular than you!

Kazooie: Oh, really?

Shadow: Of course! We've had tons of games, while you've only released how many games in your entire career? Like, five?

Banjo: (gets angry) Our games are much better!

Sonic: The only reason your games are so popular is because they break the fourth wall a million times and they gave your main villain big boobs for a few seconds!

-One big fight later-

Sonic: (kicks out Banjo and Kazooie) Take that, Sony!

Amy: Princess killing? Yes!

Elise: But…I thought we were kind of friends in that one scene!

Amy: That was before you made out with my bishie in front of the entire world! (develops Ganon's voice) **YOU MUST DIE!** (shoots lightning bolts at Elise, flies off to SEGA headquarters)

Jack: I just realized something…in this chapter, we already have compared Amy to being both a witch and Ganon!

Janitor: (reads dare, then does the evil Bowser laugh from Hotel Mario)

Jack: Ah, I love that laugh!

Jill: You do realize that we're probably included in the revenge, right?

Jack: Oh…(bravely runs away)

Janitor: (causes the tides to flood, the darkness to arrive, the prophecies to be fulfilled…and, for once, making Eggman the one who suffers the least)

-Later-

Janitor: All of those years…that I've had to put up with this!

Jill: Actually, it's only been several months!

Janitor: (glares) You damn kids shall die! With your hula hoops and rock-and-roll and iPods and polka dancing and sanitary conditions…

-One old man rant later-

Janitor: -and finally, those thing that look like a TV, but you type and click on them!

Jill: You mean a computer?

Janitor: A what-now?

Jill: Here, I'll show you! (hands him a laptop)

Janitor: Oh! Ummm…(gets quickly addicted to the Internet)

Jack: (runs back onto stage) Problem solved!

 _I dare that everyone has to use Amy's mouth as the toilet for the rest of the chapter and Amy pees and poops out all the other charecters pee and poop, Vactor has to have sex with Roughe where everone can see_  
 _-Bart the Car Part_

Amy: (arrives back) I've burned SEGA headquarters down!

Shadow: So what? I did that three times last week!

Sonic: They need a better fire code over at that place…

Jill: Um…this dare is pretty weird…(whispers into Amy's ear)

Amy: (throws up)

Jack: Just head to the bathroom already!

Amy: (runs into bathroom crying)

Rouge: (sighs) And I still have to pay him, too?

Jill: Yeah…that one dare is still going on!

Vector: Wait a second…(sets headphones to rap music) There we go…

-One strange coupling later-

Jack: Now, we shall get to what may be our most random dare yet…

 _If I die, Im an idiot. If I live, Im awesomer. (grabs chainsaw, then goes head-first into the fangirls) GIVE ME KIROKI BACK, YOU **!_  
 _-Newt_

Jill: I am just as confused as everyone else is about this!

Jack: (looks offstage) It looks like a lot of blood is coming out of the fan girl crowd, though!

Jill: Oh, and we apparently just got a holiday dare!

 _Jack, apparantly you didn't understand the true purpose of Knuckles in Taiwan. The Taiwaneese were originally the people that ruled China until the Communists drove them out into Taiwan. So, by combining the seemingly useless info from my Social Studies teacher, and the part of your parody where Knuckles is claimed a communist, to create ... Knuckles the Communist in Little China! Okay, you don't have to tell the readers about the last three sentances, just make him get in trouble with the Anti-Communists peoples. Now, the dares!_  
 _1) Tails: Everyone wants you to be a ** or sometin'. So, you must now act as if you were Pax! And everyone must call you that too (Pax is the Roman God of Peace)_  
 _2) Shadow: Sorry. My therepist said I should stay away from you. . Next!_  
 _3) Amy: Turn Goth or Emo (whichever you choose), dye your hair black (You may have purple, sky blue, or poison green highlyghts), and re-name yourself Amelia (It just sounds dark)_  
 _4) Sonic: Well, Knuckles is in the Taiwan Court (He better be, Jack!). You must be part of the jury. And just remember all of the times he started needlessly fighting you on the plane ride there._  
 _5) Silver: Hmm, I can't have Shadesy, and Sonic's in Taiwan... *EPIC FANGIRL GLOMP* Silvesy! You are mine 'til the therepist says I can have Shadesy again!_  
 _6) Metal Sonic: I DARE YOU TOO- Oh, wait you're boring. MOVING ON._  
 _7) Chip: Go on a press confrence and tell everyone, quote, "You should all watch a Brittany Spears music video. Her voice is better than mine."_  
 _8) Jill: This is just something random. Go ride Millenium Force in Cerdar Point (Go Ohio! Woot!)_  
 _9)Metal Sonic: Eh, you're lame. NEXT!_  
 _10) Jack: Good Jack, you did mine, and now, as I promised I would do, here is your Rouge Plushie! (She has interchangeable clothes, feel free to 'play'!)_  
 _11) Knuckles: Sorry I got you in trouble with Taiwan. Here, I got you a present! It's in there! *points at dark house with lightning in the background, despite the fact that it's sunny everywhere else_  
 _12)Everyone (minus hosts, fangirls and guys, and janitor): April is national Grass Month! To celebrate you must be chopped up by 2 riding lawn mowers, driven by Jack and Janitor._  
 _13)Metal Sonic: Okay I decided to finally get to you. And you're 13! Get triskadecaphobia!_  
 _14)Jill: You must admit whom you love, Jack or someone else (And you can't say "Knuckie!"). If you say someone else, you must specify who._  
 _Mace: BythewayJill,BradyisinlAGG! *gets tackled by co-host*_  
 _Brady: DON'T TELL ANYONE!_  
 _Mace: Tell anyone what?_  
 _Brady: Ya know, that I like- OH NO, I'm not fallin' for that!_  
 _Mace: Ah well. *quietly* If I can't tell Jack & Jill, maybe I can tell Ana and Joe- *tackled again*_  
 _Brady: NO ONE!_  
 _-MaceKiwi_

Jack: (facepalm) Oh…I knew that fact about Taiwan before, but I didn't put two and two together!

Knuckles: I have to go to Taiwan again? Cool! I won a lot of money from the betting ring last time…

-In the Taiwanese court-

Sonic: We rule the defendant guilty of being a communist!

Knuckles: But, why?

Sonic: Isn't it obvious? You're all red…and you have a sickle on you! COMMIE!

Knuckles: Awww…

Sonic: We shall sentence you to five minutes in jail!

Knuckles: Really?

Sonic: Then another five minutes, then another five minutes, then another five minutes…

-After the Joseph McCarthey-esque trial-

Tails: A god of peace? Um…can I still at least have sex with whoever?

Jill: Well…I guess.

Tails: Phew!

Shadow: (sighs with relief) I need to find this therapist…this person is my best hope for keeping the fan girls away!

Amy: (heads out of bathroom) Why are you guys always insulting me so much?

Jill: Hmmm…if we insult her enough, she'll turn goth!

Jack: (rushes towards Amy) I'VE GOT THIS! Now Amy…you're a dumb, crazy whore who is completely obsessed and paranoid over Sonic, plus everyone hates you, and-

-Many, MANY insults later-

Amelia: (dyes hair purple, starts smoking) I think I was like this in an earlier chapter…but who cares?

Silver: (receives glomp) Mmph! That stupid therapist had better hurry up!

Shadow: (points gun at Silver) If you go anywhere near that therapist, I'll make sure to stop you!

Silver: DAMN IT!

Metal Sonic: (puts head down with sadness)

Chip: My voice isn't that bad!

Jack: Shut up, male Navi!

-At the press conference-

Chip: Yes, I know that this music video endorsement seems rather strange…but it's true. Her voice is better than mine!

Sonic: (laughing) This is justice for all of his annoying shouting that I had to put up with!

-In Ohio-

Jill: Umm…so this is Millenium Force, huh? (looks around nervously) Wow…that's…quite a…tall rollercoaster!

Random bystander: You aren't chicken, are you?

Jill: No, I just…you know what? There's a drink stand over there! I'll go get us some drinks!

Random bystander: Aw, come on!

Jill: FINE! (storms into line angrily)

-Back on stage-

Metal Sonic: (gets even more depressed)

Jack: (takes plushie) Meh. I'm probably going to mostly use this as fan boy bait so I can capture and experiment on the deadly creature known as the fan boy!

Sonic: But…you're a fan boy!

Jack: I know! I can't figure out myself!

Sonic: (scratches head)

Knuckles: (runs onto stage) I busted out! But I don't think I can go back to Taiwan again without getting executed…

Sonic: Curses! I'll get you next time…

Knuckles: A present? (looks at house) Wow…the real estate deals on that place must be GREAT! (runs inside) Now where are you, sexy bikini model orgy?

Jack:…I don't think we're going to see him again this chapter! (hops onto lawn mower)

Janitor: (sniffs as he climbs onto lawn mower) This is the greatest holiday dare ever! I get to do my job while teaching those (bleep)ing kids a lesson! (starts "the scouring")

Cosmo: (gets swallowed up first) Why does everyone try doing that to me? It gets annoying after a while…

Jack: Look on the bright side…you don't have to worry about getting a haircut! (chops up Charmy) You'll just have to worry about bleeding to death!

Amelia: (holds out wrists) Come on, baby…

Shadow: HEY! If anyone's going to let the mowers kill them for an escape from life, it's going to be ME! (shoves Amelia into Janitor's mower)

Metal Sonic: Fear of Number 13. But I am Number 13.

Jack: Yes, so the logical thing to do would be to kill Number 13! (throws a gun to Metal Sonic, then razes down Eggman) This is the most fun I've had in a dare EVER! (starts razing down Chip)

Metal Sonic: (shoots self)

-One super-fun massacre later-

Jill: (still dizzy) WHOA…so…fast!

Jack: You missed a massacre!

Jill: Damn it! I should've been there!

Jack: Now for the question…

Jill: No Knuckie? Well…I guess Jack, then. He's my real life boyfriend for a reason! (giggles) Does someone have a secret crush on me?

Jack: Now back to what we were talking about earlier…why did you miss the massacre?

Jill: I was on that rollercoaster!

Jack: You went on a rollercoaster? Cool!

Jill: (rolls eyes) It was the dare.

Jack: You didn't have fun?

Jill: No I didn't!

Jack: Oh, you want to bring it against rollercoasters?

Jill: Yeah, I want to bring it! (puts up fighting stance)

Jack: Let's go! (puts up fighting stance)

Jill: YEAH, LET'S DO THIS! Where do you want to take it?

Jack:…Should we get some ice cream?

Jill:…Sure. (heads off with Jack)

Yay! We fixed those mistakes…finally.


	72. A Plot?

A Plot?

Keep studying…(looks up) Oh. I've got three AP tests to do…just read, damn it! (scoots away)

 _I love this gameshow!_  
 _(Hugs Eggman)_  
 _Okay, dares._  
 _(1) no one can hurt Eggie(Eggman)in this chapter_  
 _(2) Shadow: Tell Rouge that Black Doom is sexier than her_  
 _(3) Rouge: Kiss Big_  
 _Muhahahaha_  
 _-ArcanineOod xX_

Eggman: Mmph! What the deuce?

Jack: Somebody likes Eggman?…Whoa. Just, whoa!

Shadow: (approaches Rouge) Ummm…my dad's apparently sexier than you, or something.

Rouge: What?! That's bullcrap! I have many more fans than Black Doom could hope for!

Jill: That's not saving you from the next dare!

Rouge: (scoffs) Ugh! Well, I can't say I haven't kissed uglier men…(kisses Big, then throws up)

Big: Uhhh…why does my mouth feel wet?

 _I dare Sonic and Shadow to sing Disturbia. Fun right?_  
 _-Shadows-Girl95_

Jack: What song is that?

Jill: COOL! I know about that song! You've heard it before, Jack!

Jack: Really? (listens) Oh yeah…that one song.

Jill: I love this song! Now sing, you two! (points pistol at Sonic and Shadow)

Sonic: (bleep)! I'm always singing songs from chicks!

Shadow: Well, it could've been worse…

Sonic: (gulps then starts singing) Bum bum be-dum bum…be-dum bum! Bum bum be-dum bum…

Jack: Hehehe…nice choice! They sound horrible at singing it!

Shadow: (gives Jack the finger, then continues singing)

-One mass teenage girl swoon later-

Shadow: (acquires urge to destroy Rihanna)

Sonic: Why does everyone make me sing chick songs? Silver would be the best at that!

Silver: (gives Sonic the finger)

 _Ready for more?_  
 _Jack & Jill: Play out Jack & Jill the nursery rhyme costumes and all. You cannot cancel this dare with Author Powers. Oh and recite the rhyme while you play it out._  
 _Charmy, Eggman, Mephiles, Cream: Get sucked into Pac-Man where you take the place of the ghosts. All the dots become Power dots. Jack plays Pac-Man._  
 _Omega: Battle Rahu 3 from Custom Robo._  
 _Amy: In the closet with any character (except sonic) from any video game._  
 _And as a special prize at the end of the chapter one random character will win a pass to cancel out any one dare they recieve. (small print that noone reads: using this pass will make your worst nightmares come true.)_  
 _-Samari45_

Jack: What costumes? The rhyme never said any specific type of clothing…

Jill: (starts climbing up random hill) Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water…

Jack: (walks back down) Then Jack fell down and (gulps, then drops) broke his crown-SEIZURE TIME! (starts having a seizure)

-One messed up rhyme later-

Jack: (still shuddering) That hurt…but I thank you for the next dare! (heads into Pac-Man)

Eggman: Ha! I can't be hurt!

Jack: THEN YOU'D BETTER RUN!

Eggman: (flees off screen)

Jack: Ha! The dare said nothing against scaring Eggman!

Charmy: Please! If you have mercy on me, I will-AUGH! (gets swallowed)

Mephiles: But I'm a half-god! Even as a 2D ghost, I can still defeat any of you foolish mortals-OW! (gets swallowed)

Cream: Ummm….I'm not as annoying as those two!

Jack: I know, but I still have to win! (swallows Cream)

Omega: Who is Rahu.

Jill: The final boss…you're (bleep)ed!

-In Custom Robo-

Rahu: (charges up weapons)

Omega: (shoots at Rahu, bullets bounce off) What. Stupid half-robot-(BOOM)(becomes a pile of wreckage)

-Back on stage-  
Amy: (thinking) Who do I want? Cloud, Link, Riku, Star Fox, Marth…there's a lot of bishies to choose from! Hmmm…I'll try Falco Lombardi! He's the only one I can think of that's blue…

Falco: (walks onto stage) Stupid Nintendo contract….AH, NOT ANOTHER FAN GIRL! (gets dragged into closet by Amy)

-One traumatizing event for Falco later-

Amy: (runs out of closet) That's good for now!

Jack: (revives Omega) And now we have a really strange holiday review…

 _Hi. This Chrono reviewing, since bro Vortex is out for a visit to Earth. I think he was extremely angry at you,Metal Sonic, for some reason._  
 _Also, since I'm not as violent or evil as big bro, I instead have presents, since children's day on May 5 is coming soon. However, since it is CHILDRENS Day, I want everyone to be turned under at least 13, if you would please._  
 _Now for the presents._  
 _Sonic:You get a visit to Glitzville in Mario World, which, if I remember correctly, has some tasty chili dogs._  
 _Tails:A Super Emerald for you to experiment on, since you already did Chaos Emeralds._  
 _Knuckles:You get to be the pimp for this chapter._  
 _Shadow:A giant stack of weapons._  
 _Rouge:A pool full of jewels._  
 _Amy:A Life-sized Sonic plushie._  
 _E-102:Weapon upgrades._  
 _E-123:You also get weapon upgrades._  
 _:You get to dip Sonic in a horde of fan girls._  
 _Silver:You get to have super speed for the rest of the chapter._  
 _Blaze:You get...50 dollars to buy yourself something._  
 _Jack &Jill:Since you probably get stuff you want already, you can just have your studio upgraded. It now has:a sport stadium, a virtual training room, an arcade, twenty closets, a VERY big pool,a hotel,ten resturants,a mueseum,and another stage for minor stuff added._  
 _G-merl:You get special access to a part of the training room, where all of the fighting data is can now copy data easily._  
 _mephiles:You get to combine with Iblis for a short time._  
 _Metal Sonic:You get to transform to Metal Overlord for a shot time._  
 _Omega:You get first access to the training room. Have fun destroying Eggman's robots._  
 _Cream:You get to have any male of choice for the rest of the chapter._  
 _Cosmo:You also get 50 dollars to buy something of your choice._  
 _Nack:You also get a stack of items._  
 _Bean:You get to appear in the story._  
 _Bark:You get to also appear in this story._  
 _NiGHTS:Dispite the fact that your not a Sonic character,you will at the very least get to be in this chapter._  
 _AoStH Eggman:Appear in the story for a short time. (Everyone, prepare for mass humor.)_  
 _Super Mario Bros. Z Mecha Sonic:You get to appear in this story._  
 _Chaos:You get s very,very huge temple that will definately keep you and the chao safe._  
 _Tikal:You get special access to the Temple of Chaos. Only the authors and you are allowed to visit this temple._  
 _Big:You get a visit to the Ocean, where you can fish again._  
 _Froggy:You get a visit to Brazil for a week, so you wouldn7t have to spend time with Big._  
 _Scratch and Grounder:Once again, get into the story to provide a lot of humor._  
 _Chris &Helen:Go for a date again, except this time don't talk about Sonic._  
 _As for everyone not included except Tails Doll:You get 10 dollars to amuse your selves with. Have fun.(Don't worry Tails Doll, big bro said he'll get you the present on his own dare. He said it was labeled "The Revenge of The Tails Doll".)_  
 _Now for the dares:_  
 _Tails:Beat up Beat. he's a mega Man character._  
 _Amy, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles,Shadow:Form a band with Amy as vocal, Sonic as lead guitar, Tails as bass, Knuckles as drums, and Shadow as keyboard. Then pick straws, and the person who gets the long straw gets to play their favorite song._  
 _Jack &Jill:Get a PLOT. You can do the dares along the way. But just get a plot. Even if it's the kind that last for only two chapters._  
 _Bye then. Hope everyone enjoys their presents!_  
 _Signing out, Chronus Mystery Prower_  
 _-VortexHavenPrower_

Jill: So we're doing a review about a holiday that absolutely no one has heard about or gives a (bleep) about?…LET'S DO IT!

Jack: But…I thought it was Cinco de Mayo!

Jill: Nope, it's apparently this holiday!

Jack: (puts away fiesta hats grumbling) Fine. We'll turn everyone else 12 for this review. Author Powers…(turns the Sonic characters into 12-year-olds) I like all of these gifts, though!

Sonic: YES! My favorite city in Paper Mario! (heads to Glitzville, eats hot dogs) Now, what fighters should I gamble my life savings of rings away on first?

Tails: (takes emerald) Sweet! Hmmm…I think some electricity experiments will go well with this!

Jack: (shocks Tails and the emerald with a taser) You mean like this?

Knuckles: Thanks! (puts on sunglasses) All of you can call me "Knuck-G" now!

Everyone: (ignores Knuckles)

Shadow: YAY! (clutches pile of guns) I now have a good choice for a summer love!

Everyone: (scoots away from Shadow)

Rouge: (dives into pool) OW! The shinys poked me! (sobs)

Amy: (glomps the plushie) This feels so cuddly, just like a bishie!

Gamma and Omega: (attach bazokas onto their arms)

Jill: This is turning more and more into the weapons storage for Halo!

Sonic: (returns from Glitzville) I can still kick their ass!

Gamma and Omega: (blow up Sonic)

-One revival later-

Sonic: NO! GET THOSE FAN GIRLS AWAY FROM ME!

Eggman: Mwahaha! I knew it! I knew that someday, I could use these fan girl creatures to wipe out Sonic!

Silver: How do I do that?

Cheech and Chong: (run onto stage)

Cheech: I know what can make you go really fast!

Chong: Yeah, we got this from aliens, man…or something.

Cheech: (hands over space coke to Silver)

-One super-high Silver later-

Blaze: What can I get for 50 bucks? How many rings is that?

Jill: I honestly don't know!

Blaze: (buys some fireworks)

Jack: Why fireworks?

Blaze: So I could do THIS! (lights fireworks, controls their flight in the sky)

Jill: Cool…

Jack: Dude, is that making a star? And now a circle? THAT'S BORING! Make a nuclear explosion out of the fireworks!

-One demonstration later-

Jill: Oh…my gosh! YESSSSSSS!

Jack: I like this idea of a virtual training room…I can just have any Sonic characters wake up in there and think that they're in an apocalyptic hellscape!

Gemerl: Yes. But…I'm happy now.

Jack: (facepalm) Damn it, Tails! Why did you fix him up to be nice?

Tails: Well, he tried to kill everyone and so on-

Jack: Silence!

Mephiles: (looks offstage) Is that…Iblis?

Iblis: ROAR!

Mephiles: (runs up to Iblis happily, with "Chariots of Fire" playing in the background) Iblis…

Iblis: ROAR!

Mephiles: IBLIS…

Iblis: ROAR!

Jill: Aw, so charming…

Jack: Now we get to watch them break space-time! (watches them combine)

Metal Sonic: Must destroy all…(turns into Metal Overlord)

Jill: Hooray! The blue Slifer the Sky Dragon!

Jack: Or Slifer the Executive Producer!

Metal Overlord: (speaks in a voice like Sinistar) I HUNGER!

Jack: Yep, definitely the Executive Producer!

Metal Overlord: RUN, COWARD!

Omega: (spins around guns, then loads them) Let us do this. (heads into training room, which gets followed by many explosions)

Cream: You're mine! (hugs Tails, receives electric shock)

Jack: HA! The taser's effects still are working on him!

Cosmo: Can I buy some weapons to kill Cream?

Jill: Sure!

Cosmo: (runs off grinning)

Nack: (rolls eyes) Oh boy…items. Whoopee. Not guns, but items!

Shadow: (sticks tongue out at Nack)

Nack: (shoots Shadow)

Bean: Um…sweet?

Jack: (loads shotgun) I like this! Just in time for duck hunting season!

Bean: QUACK! (flies off, lobs bombs as a distraction)

Jack:…Cool.

Bark: Yeah, really?

Jill: That's boring! He's just the old version of Storm!

Jack: Yeah, like what do you actually do? Besides just smash some heads?

Bark: Ummm…well, I-

Jack: TIME'S UP! I'm sending you over to be Eskimo food! (throws Bark to a bunch of random Eskimos)

NiGHTS: (enters stage) No! I've heard terrible things about what this story has done to the Sonic characters! I don't want any part of it!

Jack: This is the perfect time for a Yugioh: Abridged line! I spy with my eyes something that rhymes with "gay clown"!

NiGHTS: (glares)

Jill: And as to the next request…the Eggman we have here is just like that!

Eggman: I'm not that stupid! I shouldn't be receiving all of this stomping, as we can all-

Jack: Stop right there. Did you just say PINGAS?

Eggman: No, let's get back to my point. Compared to this fic, if we were all in hell we would consider it to be a nice trip for camping, as we would at least get-

Jill: Oh my gosh, he said PINGAS! (glomps Eggman)

Eggman: AUGH! Stop glomping, as I'm very sensitive-

Jack: HE SAID IT AGAIN! WOOT!

Eggman: (glares)

Mecha Sonic: (walks onto stage)

Jack: Will you kill everyone again?

Mecha Sonic: Sorry. No. Those days are over.

Jack: DAMN IT!

Chaos and Tikal: (head to new temple)

Big: (sniffs) Really? Uhhh…yay! (grabs rod, heads off)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Anywhere away from Big is fine!)

Scratch and Grounder: (rollerskate onto stage) WE'RE HERE-(BOOM)

Jack: (reloads shotgun after killing them) Janitor, get rid of those rollerskating idiots! And burn the bodies!

Janitor: Damn robots…being completely useless! (sweeps bodies off stage)

Chris: No Sonic? But…how?

Helen: What did you talk about before you met Sonic?

Chris: (silent) I can't remember.

Jill: Stupid crazed fan boys…just don't talk about Sonic or we'll kill you!

Chris: (gulps) Well, I guess they're serious…(heads off on date)

Everyone but Tails Doll: (continues betting on Taiwanese parliament fights)

Tails Doll: Those fools…

Tails: I have to kill another bird?

Jill: Another? When did you kill one before?

Tails: Umm…nothing! (hides dead chickens)

Jack: Stupid foxes, with their predatory instincts…just go kill Beat already!

Tails: (pulls out sniper rifle, fires shot) Done and done!

Band: (starts drawing straws)

Knuckles: I wonder what song we'll get…

Shadow: (crosses fingers) Not Amy's, not Amy's, not Amy's…

Amy: YAY! I got the long straw!

Shadow: (bleep)!

Amy: We're singing "Barbie Girl"!

-One very angrily played song later-

Jill: A plot? For this? (laughs) What would we even do?

Sonic: Get rich?

Shadow: Find love?

Jack: How about…we go on a quest?

Tails: For what?

Jack: A certain item that's been talked about in YouTube Poop legend. Mario mentioned it once, but didn't breach the subject again. It has shown up only a few times, but many have sought it. I am talking about…the enclosed instruction book!

Sonic: That's it?

Jill: Oh, and I guess we can get you a girl while we're at it!

Sonic: Yes!

Amy: (pouts) I'll use Samari45's dare pass, then!

Jack: (grins) Okay!

Amy: AHHHHHHHHH!

Will we find the enclosed instruction book? Find out in the next chapter…


	73. That's What Rouge Said!

That's What Rouge Said!

I kicked the ass out of two tests…one to go!

Jill: Let's start up the quest! That enclosed instruction book has to be somewhere around here on Youtube…Jack?

Jack: (fetal position) They suspended adamwestslapdog…HOW COULD THEY?!

Jill: Look, I know you're sad about Zelda: The Abridged Series…but the suspension was only for 10 hours!

Jack: (gets up) Phew. If that had been longer…

Jill: I know what'll cheer you up! Amy's still suffering!

Amy: (fetal position)

Jack: You know…that DOES cheer me up!

Jill: Let's just head to the Mushroom Kingdom and do a couple of dares on the way!

Jack: But what about the journey? How hard is it going to get by the end?

Jill: That's what she said.

Jack: (laughs) More like that's what Rouge said!

Rouge: (glares)

Jill: That's a cool new joke! I'm going to try that more often!

-In Mushroom Kingdom-

Jill: Nice of the enclosed instruction book to invite us over for a picnic, ay Jack?

Jack: Did you just call me gay?

Jill: No, I meant that-

Bowser: (laughing behind ledge)

Jack: You do realize that we can see you, right?

Bowser: (stops laughing) Oh…

Jack: (shoots Bowser) Cool! We don't even have to do the Hotel Mario plot now!

Jill: Then…what does the ransom note say instead?

Jack: (takes note from the nearby shed) Oh! It's a review!

 _Hey, hey, hey! It's fat Albert!_  
 _Now, as most of most of you are aware, the second Sunday of May is Mothers'Day! (note the correctly placed apostrophie, as it is the day belonging to themany mothers) You all know what this means right? Holiday special! But insteadof thanking the mothers (the only one I can think of non-Archie being Vanilla)we shall be making mothers! Mwahahahaha!_  
 _Oh, yes, considering that we would actually like to experience theselove-children in the fic, we shall make like 3rd Rock From the Sun and havethe children in less then one minute (: (and no Juno-ing!) (Also, thesechildren will grow up at 2,0 times the normal rate, YAY!)_  
 _Amy: Have a love-child with Eggman_  
 _Jack: Take your relationship to the next level with Jill and have alove-child. (though I like Jill, so she feels no pain during birth ) Silver: Since you can obviously not decided if you are gay, hetero or bi,have a love-child with yourself._  
 _Sonic: I hate you, I really do. You're so full of yourself, so that's whyyou'll be having your mother's baby! (as in, you actually give birth to it,see the analogy?) (I'm sick, I know)_  
 _Shadow: You'll be having a kid with Yoda, period._  
 _Cosmo: Have a baby with Hugh Grant. except, you both have to swap genderswhilst doing so._  
 _Tails: You are a pimp, and so am I (by these year 11's at my school who hangout with us and call me a pimp, seriously!) So, I, knowing your situation,shall make you have a child with every girl standing within a 2,0,0,0 mileradius of you. (everyone) Your gonna have a very long day..._  
 _And finally, Vanilla: Have a love-child with Vector, I would love to see theend result_  
 _Like the limp leading the blind...LOL HOUSE ZOMG!_  
 _-Creatively Common_

Jill: Man, this is going to be hard to swallow!

Jack: That's what Rouge said!

Eggman: (reads dare) Ewwww…

Jack: (blinks) Indeed.

Eggman: (looks at Amy) Well, she's still not moving much…

Amy: (fetal position) No Sonic….

Jill: Ummm…(points to Eggman) There's Sonic!

Amy: REALLY?! (gets up, drags a screaming Eggman off)

Jack: (shudders) That is going to be very horrible child made from them…

Silver: How do I do that?

Jill: How does ANYTHING on this show work out? You just randomly stretch your imagination to the point where all concept of reality is basically gone!

Silver: (closes eyes, then suddenly clutches stomach) AH! I think I'm…

Shadow: (laughs) Pregnant? He didn't even (bleep) off! This is hilarious!

Sonic: Not more of those yaoi fan girls!

Jack: Yep, it looks like they're going to be needed for this one!

Jill: (summons yaoi fan girls and yuri fan boys)

Sonic: But...this is incest!

Jack: Hey, don't blame me! Just because mom is a fat slut who is, on the rarest of occasions, seen NOT on her back!

Sonic: (about to punch jack, but then gets dragged off by fans)

Shadow: (also getting dragged off) HEY! Let go of me!

Jack: Oh yeah...you've got a yaoi dare!

Yoda: (gets dragged in by yaoi fans) Bad, this is. Have vengeance, will I.

Shadow: If you don't shut up right now, I'm going to kill you when they're done!

Yoda: (silence)

-In the U.K.-

Grant: (looks out door0 YAH! Not more of those fan girls!

Fans: (burst in dragging Cosmo)

Grant: Umm…what the (bleep)?

Cosmo: I don't get it either. Fans are unpredictable!

-Back in the Mushroom Kingdom-

Tails: Well….at least there's not too many girls in this place!

Jack: Wrong. (points to fan girls)

Tails: (bleep)! I'm going to have trouble surviving today…

Vector: Ummm…where do we go?

Jill: (shoves Vector and Vanilla into shed) Perfect!

Jack: But then where do we go?

Jill: (points to the hotels)

Jack: Sweet! Let's go to the power outage one! I want to face those infamous toasters!

-One lesson of how all toasters toast toast later-

Jack: (putting babies into UPS boxes, sending them to fans) That was…a lot of work!

Jill: Look! (points to a nearby castle) Could it be….the temple of the enclosed instruction book?

Jack: I think it is…it says "YouTube Poop " on the front of it!

-In the castle-

Jill: Well, we've gone through all the trials, except for one last challenge we have to complete!

Jack: What is that?

Jill: (holds up paper) Another review!

 _Alright! Great dares so far! By the way, great torture methods! Alright, here are my dares:_  
 _Shadow-I'm feeling evil at the moment and you're my fav so you get any weapon in the world and can kill any character in the story INCLUDING JACK AND JILL then take anyone of your choosing into the closet with you._  
 _Amy, Charmy, Big and Eggman-You're my least favourite characters so every character (including the Janitor) can torture you etc and you can't complain otherwise Shadow gets another gun to shot you with._  
 _Sonic-Your dare is to throw up enough to get the Janitor to come after you AND THEN be thrown into the fangirls crowd IN A DRESS._  
 _Knuckles and Rouge-Rouge has to lure Knuckles into a school and lock him in. (Don't tell him the school is full of fangirls and his teacher is Jill!) Then Rouge gets all her jewels back._  
 _Silver and Blaze-Fight over Blaze's confessions about loving Shadow._  
 _Everyone else-Torture Eggman._  
 _Have Fun!_  
 _-CleverPhoenix_  
 _P.S. Don't blame me Eggman, you're a pathetic villain!_

Eggman: (pouts) Pathetic?

Jack: Another torture fest! Yay! (grabs a nearby sword) Let's start by stabbing those four!

Shadow: Not ye! (receives a bazooka) Perfect…(fires a shot at the fan girls, then goes into closet with bazooka) Oh yeah, baby!

Jill: (blinks) Well…I guess that worked!

Jack: (stabs Eggman) Back to where we were before!

Rouge: (heads up to Knuckles) Ummm…apparently, there's a nearby school!

Knuckles; So?

Rouge: Well, don't you want to learn?

Knuckles: (scratches head) No.

Rouge: I can guarantee you'll find me there! And they give out free passes to the girls' locker room for guys!

Knuckles: I'M IN!

-Back on stage-

Sonic: (grumbling) They're all jerks…leaving me behind while they do their quest!

Janitor: You still haven't found a girl yet, huh? I'll ell you some good secrets for the bedroom that you can use them! Like for instance…(whispers into Sonic's ear)

Sonic: (throws up)

Janitor: DAMN IT! You're going to pay! (drags off a screaming Sonic)

-At the school-

Knuckles: Please don't hurt me!

Fan girl 1: Hurt you? We'll glomp you!

Knuckles: (receives a group hug)

Jill: Stop it! Knuckles, you're being a bad bishie! (pulls out a ruler) You need to be spanked!

Knuckles: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

-In the castle-

Everyone: (wipes hands, walks away from the four dead bodies)

Jack: Who's next?

Tails: (looks out window, points to fan girl crowd) Is that…Sonic in there?

Sonic: HELLLLLLLP! (gets dragged off, forced into a dress)

Jack: This day just keeps on improving!

Silver: (suddenly remembers Chapter 30, then pouts)

Blaze: Look, he's hotter! I wanted to (bleep) him!

Silver: But I wanted to (bleep) you!

Blaze: Really? Cool!

Silver: Oh, now you like me!

Jack: Stop being a whiny bitch and do her!

Silver: (glares) I'm being romantic!

Jack: And if you don't shut up, I'm going to have you and Sonic re-enact Brokeback Mountain!

Silver: (gulps)

Tails: Look! The enclosed instruction book!

Jack: (grabs book, looks through it) What? It's just talking about how to play Hotel Mario…THIS IS BULLCRAP!

Blaze: It WAS just an instruction book!

Jack: Quiet, you! (pouts) Who would've thought that an enclosed instruction book would be…an enclosed instruction book?

-Much later, with the return to the stage-

Sonic: Hey! I still didn't find a chick!

Jack: Oh, I nearly forgot! I was searching online, and I found a certain commercial for Spontex…

Sonic: What happened?

Jack: Well, this commercial proved that hedgehogs love (bleep)ing Spontex sponges more than any other brands! (Note: This is an ACTUAL COMMERCIAL!)

Jill: (drags in a giant Spontex sponge) Here's your new lover! (plays "Let's Get It On" in background)

Sonic: (approaches sponge, smiles) My dream has finally come true!

Sponge: (unresponsive)

Sonic: (drags sponge into closet)

Janitor: (grumbling)

Jill: What pissed you off while we were gone?

Janitor: I had to clean up all of your rooms…oh yeah, I still have to clean up the emo's room!

Everyone: (rushes into Shadow's room)

Shadow: Hey! Get out of there! You're messing with my stuff!

Jack: Look! There's some magazines under his bed!

Jill: (holds up magazines) These are…weapons catalogues? But what's this sticky stuff on the pages-OH MY GOSH! (throws up, tosses magazines) EW!

Shadow: What? What's the problem?

Jack: Shadow, that's what a Playboy magazine is for! Though I guess to you, there's not much of a difference between the two…

Jill: I think we're going to end the chapter right now, as I'm about to beat the crap out of Shadow in a bloody, gory manner which would not be T-rated!

Wow, quite a chapter! It wasn't as long as what would normally please me…that's what Rouge said!


	74. Shadow Hugging?

Shadow hugging?

In Russia, Sonic characters dare YOU!

Jill: Hey, where's Chip?

Jack: (looks around nervously) Oh…I have absolutely no idea!

-Earlier-

Jack: Hey Chip, do you want some chocolate?

Chip: (perks up) SURE! What do you have? Gimme gimme!

Jack: (holds out a platter of brownies) These are imported right from Tijuana! Try it!

-Now-

Chip: (eyes spinning around) Wow…those were some good brownies!

Jill: Damn it! Did you give him some special brownies?

Jack: Ummm…maybe!

Chip: I shall destroy all pink koala bears!

Jill: (sighs) Let's just get to review from chapter 31 already…

 _This isnt a halloween dare._  
 _Knuckles: Rouge and Jill can do whatever they like to you and you cant complain._  
 _Rouge: Have sx with Sonic and Shadow at the same time._  
 _-from me_  
 _Rouge: Really? I've got some ideas-_  
 _Jill: (puts on a demonic voice) Back off bitch, he's mine!_  
 _Rouge: (gulps, backs away) Umm…I guess I'll try it on Sonic and Shadow! (heads to closet with them)_  
 _Jill: Now…(puts a leash on Knuckles) You're going to be good boy tonight! (drags off a screaming Knuckles)_  
 _Tails and Cosmo go to the closet_  
 _Cream and Cosmo become friends and don't care who gets Tails as long as both are happy (this will torture fangirls!)_  
 _SonicAmy,TailsCosmo,SilverBlaze,KnucklesRouge and ShadowCream have too say sappy stuff like "did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?" to each other for the rest of the chapter_  
 _Big:Sleep with froggy_  
 _Froggy:see above_  
 _Tikal:jump through Chaos and have Chaos like it!_  
 _Knuckles:sleep with the master emerald (Rouge will never know)_  
 _Charmy:die the most miserable death_  
 _Vector:annoy Espio with "find the computer room!"_  
 _Jack:destroy Eggman!_  
 _Eggman:DIE EGGIE DIE!_  
 _Omega:hug everybody and like it!_  
 _Shadow:do the same as Omega_  
 _-TailsXCosmo Fangirl_

Tails: Well, as long as I get to do someone! (heads into closet with Cosmo)

-Much later-

Cream: There's no way I'm acting friendly towards that chibi-stealing bitch!

Cosmo: You're going to pay for saying that! (tackles Cream, starts fighting her)

Jill: Ugh…how do we do this?

Jack: There's only one person who I can think of that can successfully brainwash them into friendship! (summons Tea from Yugioh: Abridged) Now Tea, why don't you tell them why they should be friends? (shoves Tea, Cosmo and Cream into a room)

-Many screams later-

Jill: (gets rid of Tea) How do you feel?

Cream: Must…be friends…

Cosmo: Yes….friendship…good…

Jack: That's extremely scary, but it works!

Fangirls: (burning posters of both Cosmo and Cream)

Sonic: Ummm….I'm not exactly the type for romance…

Caliburn: Quiet, knave!

Sonic: Stop calling me knave, damn it!

Caliburn: Knavey knavey knave!

Jack: (singing and dancing) In the Navy…you can sail the seven seas! In the Navy…

Everyone: (Awkward silence)

Jack: (stops) Oh…

Amy: (to Sonic) You're so cute!

Cosmo: (to Tails) You rock!

Blaze: (to Silver) You make me feel god about myself…

Knuckles: (to Rouge) Ummm…I like your boobs!

Cream: (to Shadow) You kick ass!

Jack: (sobs) But…sappy romance stuff isn't funny!

Yaoi fan girls: (drag Big and Froggy into a closet)

Jack: Now THAT'S funny!

Tikal: But…Chaos is all slimy and stuff!

Jill: (shoves Tikal into Chaos) Drown, bitch!

Tikal: (crashes into Chaos' voice box, drowns inside Chaos)

Chaos: RAWR!

Jack: I personally think that Chaos would like the death and destruction!

Knuckles: (looks at Master Emerald) Umm…(runs off with his precious) Yes!

Jack: Hmmm…I'm trying to think of a good way to kill Charmy!

Charmy: I can boost your imagination! Annoyingness…ACTIVATE! YAYAYAYA-

Jill: Has it worked yet?

Jack: (shuddering) I'm thinking of…horrible things…very horrible things!

Charmy: I think I pulled it off.

Jack: (grabs Charmy) I've got it! I shall have Charmy be blamed for making the Zelda: Cd-i games and Hotel Mario!

Jill: THAT'S INSANE! He'll get killed by every Mario and Zelda fan out there!

Jack: That's why it's such a miserable fate! (crosses out Philips logo, writes "Charmy" on it)

Charmy: (pummeled by the masses, executed in many horrendous fashions)

Vector: You know what, I suddenly want to find the computer room again…(grabs Espio) WHERE IS IT?!

Espio: I'm not telling you!

Vector: I need to find the computer room!

Espio: No!

Vector: Yes! Where is it?

Espio: Stop it, please!

Vector: WHERE'S THE MOTHER(bleep)ING COMPUTER ROOM?!

Espio: It's…on the space colony ARK!

Vector: Show me it!

Espio: I never thought that a ninja could pick up a samurai tradition, but…(commits hara-kiri)

Jill: Vector's interrogations make Jack Bauer's look soft!

Eggman: But…my name's not Eggie!

Jill: Yes it is! Just like how Knuckles' name is Knuckie!

Jack: (rains lightning upon the fat one)

Eggman: I'm not the fat one-AUGH! (dies)

Tails: (hacks Omega) Now hug, boy!

Omega: Arf arf. (hugs everyone)

Shadow: (gets hugged)What is this madness? I would never hug another creature! Especially not these mortals!

Jill: (hypnotizes Shadow into seeing everyone as a gun)

Shadow: YAY! MY FRIENDS! (starts the hugging spree)

Jack: (shoves off Shadow) Ew! The reviewer said HUGGING, not humping!

Shadow: Oh…thanks, Mr. Shooty! (continues hugging everyone)

 _Did you realize that your halloween chapter is chapter 31?! Creepy. anyways._  
 _Shadow: put Sonic on a leash and say he's your slave. Tell Sonic he has to go on a date with Tails._  
 _Sonic: Don't complain. Do everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, Shadow says._  
 _Charmy: Find a way to kiss Cream without getting killed by Tails._  
 _Tails: I think you rock! But, i want Yaoi fangirls to come on stage and make you do it with every guy except Shadow, Jack, and Sonic. I want to spare them.(not really)_  
 _Shadow: you must do it with Sonic for one hour where everyone can see. If you don't or if you throw up I will come up there personally and beat the crap out of you._  
 _I hope this is enough torture for your story._  
 _Oh I got another one for sonic._  
 _Sonic sing and dance to My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard. I may be back_  
 _-Yaoi Lover_

Jill: (turns Shadow back to normal, revives Eggman)

Shadow: (reads his first dare) Well, at least Sonic's the one stuck doing the yaoi, and not me! (reads his second dare) Aw (bleep)!

Sonic: (puts on leash) Stupid fan girls…

Shadow: Apparently you have to date Tails…

Tails: (throws up) No!

Jill: Then I guess the yaoi fan girls are going after you!

Yaoi fan girls: (grab the chibi, start going after every guy)

Jack: Goodbye! (warps away)

Charmy: (revived) Well, now is probably my best chance…(kisses Cream, then gets grabbed by yaoi fan girls)

-Later-

Tails: I feel woozy…and sick!

Yaoi fan girls: (hold Sonic and Shadow at gunpoint)

Shadow: I'm not doing him!

Sonic: Neither am I!

Yaoi fan girls: (beat them up…badly)

-Much spilt blood later-

Sonic: (bleep)! That song doesn't work with me at all!

Jill: Well, you have to sing it anyways!

Sonic: (starts singing) My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours, damn right…

Everyone: (laughing)

Sonic: (pouts)

 _Tails doll: You are my favorite character, so you get to do any thing you want to anyone, except Jack, then you must go to the fan girl pit and fan boy pit with your axe and see how many people you can kill._  
 _Jack: You can't get rid of Tails doll only if there is a dare requesting so. You must also not forget to give him speech at least 3 times every chapter. The sentences must be 5 words or more._  
 _Eggman: You are my third favorite character, so can do any thing you want 6 times._  
 _Charmy: You can do whatever you want 6 times too, since your name and Eggman's have 6 letters and everyone is mean to you._  
 _-JOSH_

Chip: Uhhhhnn…

Jill: Wow…he's still got those brownies in his system!

Tails Doll: Yes. I shall think about this.

Jack: I can't do that for every chapter, but I will do it for this chapter! But I want to make a temporary voice change…(shoves a voice box down the Tails Doll's throat)

Tails Doll: (in a demonic voice) What is this? Why am I speaking like this?

Jack: I got this idea from Metared! You now sound exactly like Rebecca's teddy bear on Yugioh: Abridged! It's just for the chapter, but it'll be fun!

Tails Doll: You shall all feel the wrath of the great darkness! (starts the soul-reaping)

Jack: This thing is scaring me…like Sonic's mom!

Sonic: Stop with the "your mom" jokes! My mother isn't a slut!

Tails Doll: Your mother collects rocks in hell!

Sonic: She does not! (pouts) And stop calling the Chaos Emeralds a bunch of rocks!

Jack: I'm just identifying them for what they are!

-Many lost souls later-

Tails Doll: All shall hail the inevitable doom! (grabs axe, charges into fans)

Fan boys: (get chopped up trying to run away)

Fan girls: (glomp the Tails Doll) He's just like the chibi!

Tails Doll: AHHHHHH! Lord Satan will not be pleased!

Fan girls: (drag off the Tails Doll)

Eggman: (revived) Everyone, follow me to witness World Domination 101! (runs off)

Charmy: Thanks! (heads to Vegas) Time to win millions!

Jill:…Charmy gambles?

Jack: (shrugs) I'm not thinking too clearly right now!

Tails Doll: Beelzebub will make your death a long, painful one!

Jill: Okay, now he's getting annoying! (shoots the Tails Doll)

Jack: I guess it's only funny when something cute like Rebecca's teddy bear does it!

 _KK I can wait_  
 _but I have a few you could do after the halloween dares_  
 _Blaze:keep your improved boob size and...well...(points at shadow then at the closet)_  
 _Everyone:NO ONE CAN BARGE IN ON THEM AT ALL!(author powers can not change this)_  
 _Shadow:After your fun time with blaze KILL ALL THE FANGIRLS!_  
 _Silver and Sonic:You cant beat up Shadow for doing it with Blaze(besides you had your fun with her already)_  
 _Amy:DIE YOU PREPPY RETARD!_  
 _Jet:um... makeout with EVERY guy there[except Shadow or the author YOU GUYS ROCK! (not a fangirl)]_  
 _thats all for now...but i'll be back_  
 _MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _SHADAZE ROX MY SOX!_  
 _-Safarithecat_

Blaze: Wow, that was quite a long time ago! (chest starts growing) WHOA!

Fan boys: (cheering)

Shadow: I get time with Boobs-I mean, Blaze? Sweet! (goes into closet)

Jack: (writes in his Sonic Death Note) Fan girl…must…die!

Amy: (instant heart attack)

Jet: What?! Awww…

Tails: (shudders) At least you only have to makeout with them…

Jill: (hypnotizes Jet) Umm...look at all of those riding boards!

Jet: Oh yeah, baby! (starts kissing every guy)

Jack: (eyes widen) Jet just became a lot weirder in my eyes!

Blaze: (walks out of closet) We've got a problem…Shadow's dead!

Jill: What happened?

Blaze: I think he suffocated while smothering my breasts!

Jack: DAMN IT, BLAZE! This is all your fault! (revives Shadow)

Shadow: (charges laser guns) This should quickly kill some fan girls! THIS IS FOR ALL OF THAT YAOI!(charges into crowd, starts massacring)

Chip: (eyes still spinning) Maaaaan…when will we stop off at Neptune? (dies)

Jill: I think he's overdosed!

Jack: Hooray!

Busy days and busy nights! But maybe things will eventually calm down…


	75. How many ways can Sonic suffer?

How many ways can Sonic suffer?

Today, I shall give Knuckles one of the hardest tasks ever to be accomplished for him…changing a light bulb!

Knuckles: What? But…that's impossible!

Jack: (points to ceiling lamp) You have to do it!

Knuckles: (grabs ladder, climbs up) Now where does this light bulb go? It couldn't be the light bulb socket…

Jill: Hey…where did Tails go?

-Meanwhile-

Tails: (glomps his plane) Oh Tornado…no one can ever know of our forbidden love!

-Back on stage-

Jack: Craziness aside, let's get to some Chapter 32 reviews!

 _Oh, Sonic? Remember when you slept with Cosmo back in chapter 29? You're going to die for that._  
 _Tails: Remeber all those times Sonic stole the spotlight from you? Make sure that he never gets the spotlight again._  
 _Cosmo: Use the wheel that was used back in Chapter 29 to dtermine what ROBOT Sonic will sleep with!_  
 _Mephiles: Get revenge on Sonic. Do whatever you want to him. Just make sure it's painful._  
 _Espio: See how many times you can stealthily kill Sonic this chapter and the next one._  
 _Vector: Play some awful music on your headphones, and force Sonic to listen to it._  
 _Silver: Use your telekinetic powers to tear out Sonic's organs!_  
 _Froggy: Tell Big that Sonic was hurting you._  
 _Big: How much do you weigh? Use Sonic as a scale._  
 _Chaos: OMG! Sonic just hit a chao! Don't let him get away with that!_  
 _Tikal: Tell your father that it is Sonic, not Chaos, who must be destroyed._  
 _Omega: Your new target to kill is Sonic._  
 _Gamma: Tear off Sonic's leg and beat him with it over and over until he finally dies._  
 _Blaze: What's the hottest temperature you can create with your pyrokinetic abilities? Try it out on Sonic._  
 _Metal Sonic: Have an "accidental" hot oil spill on Sonic's face._  
 _Jet: Kick that poser's (Sonic's) **!_  
 _Wave: Remeber when you blew up Sonic's board in Sonic Riders? Do it again, but use a much more potent explosive this time._  
 _Eggman: Play a metal song and dance to it while Sonic is forced to watch your awful dancing until his eyes literally melt from watching you._  
 _Charmy: (Jack, give Sonic a hearing aid so that he hears everything twice as loud as normal. Then, put him in a room with Charmy while Charmy's pumped up on an octuple espresso)_  
 _Knuckles: Use the Master Emerald to bash Sonic over the head with it._  
 _Amy: Crush Sonic with your hammer!_  
 _Rouge: Offer yourself to Sonic as a hooker. After you're done, charge Sonic an outrageous price for it._  
 _Shadow: Use every gun you own to kill Sonic (One death for each gun)_  
 _Jill: Let everyone have a closet orgy with the character of their choice except Sonic. Nobody is allowed to sleep with him._  
 _Jack: This is my second review dedicated to the suffering of one person. Because of this, I've decided to do one for EVERY CHARACTER! Make sure everyone knows that it's Sonic's fault that I'll be submitting reviews for each one of them._  
 _Sonic: Enter the Pain Olympics and win. (The Pain Olympics are where you do the most painful things you possibly can do to yourself without dying)_  
 _You're going to suffer even more when I have the time Sonic! (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jack: Wow…a page and a half of Sonic torture!

Everyone: (glares at Sonic, prepares their vengeance)

Tails: (runs back onto stage) Sweet! I'm the hero now!

Sonic: But…I couldn't choose who I slept with! That wheel was random!

Jill: So is the next spin of the wheel!

Cosmo: (spins wheel) Oh my gosh…it's Metal Sonic!

Metal Sonic: Illogical. Sleep with one I am trying to kill.

Yaoi fan girls: (have their way with Sonic and Metal Sonic in the closet)

Jack: Ummm…how the (bleep) is that going to work?

Jill: The yaoi fan girls will find a way…(shudders) They always do!

Mephiles: Revenge for what? I already killed him!

Jack: But he helped in stopping Solaris!

Mephiles:…True. BURN!

Sonic: (more screams suddenly emitting from the closet, besides the ones from what else is going on in there…)

Espio: Can I kill him first? Can I?

Jack: (pats Espio's back) Sure!

Espio: (runs into closet, starts throwing stars)

-One revival later-

Vector: (puts in some polka music) Check out this new rock album!

Sonic: (puts on headphones) Mother(bleep)er!

Silver: (rips out Sonic piece by piece) I feel just like Magneto in X-Men 2!

Big: (suddenly tackles Sonic) How could you hurt my pally? Uhhh…what did you do again?

Jill: (facepalm) Look, just sit on him, alright?

Big: (crushes Sonic with his weight that would make an elephant jealous)

Jack: (checking) Big weighs…about three pools of blood right now! At least, that's what is coming out of Sonic right now!

Chaos: RAWR! (turns into a puddle, mixes with Sonic's blood to become red)

Sonic: (shoves Big off) Hey, Chaos! Why are you all red today-AUGH! (those were the last words before he drowns)

Tikal: Hey father! Sonic's got the Chaos Emeralds! (impulsive destruction time!)

-Another revival later-

Gamma: (rips off Sonic's leg) New weapon acquired. Must use it or lose it. (beats on Sonic)

Omega: (shoots at Sonic)

-Another revival later-

Blaze: Hmmm…probably a volcano's temperature! (lights Sonic on fire)

Sonic: I look like a demon-AUGH!

Jill: We're having burnt hedgehog tonight? Sweet!

Metal Sonic: I will add the grease. (dumps oil onto Sonic)

Sonic: IT BURNS!

Jet: Not as much as when I'm done with you! (tackles Sonic, starts beating him up)

Wave: Like, I totally remember that! It was, like, the awesomest thing ever!

Jill: There's no such word as awesomest-(sighs) Never mind.

Wave: (creates a new board) Like, here's the totally good present! Oh my gosh, you're going to love this! (throws board at Sonic)

Sonic: Ooooooh! What does this button do-(BOOM)

-Another revival later-

Eggman: (starts the most horrifying attack ever imagined…his dancing)

Sonic: NO! This is horrifying! (eyes instantly melt)

Eggman: (pouts) My dancing is that bad?

-One eye restructuring later-

Jill: That's enough torture for your eyes, let's torture your ears! (locks Sonic into room with Charmy)

Sonic: I like this new hearing-NOOOOOOOOOOO!

-Two damaged eardrums later-

Knuckles: My voice gives me super strength! (smashes the Master Emerald onto Sonic's head) But this jewel helps too!

Amy: But…I can't hurt my bishie!

Jill: Maybe if you hit him over the head, he'll have a concussion and finally want to have sex with you!

Amy: Really? (brings on the pain)

Sonic: Ow! This is taking forever…

Rouge: Don't worry, I'll give you some cheer-up sex!

-After Sonic gets lucky-

Sonic: (runs out of closet) 50000 RINGS?! Your boobs can't be worth that much!

Rouge: They are for you!

Sonic: And if I don't have the money?

Shadow: I'm ordered to kill any non-paying clients! Many times!

-Many shots later-

Sonic: (watches everyone else heading into closets) Well, I've already had enough sex from Rouge for today!

Jack: That's why you're heading to the Pain Olympics!

-At said event-

Announcer: Ooooh! And Sonic has just circumcised himself! But he'll have to do a lot more than that if he wants to win-WHOA! Self-castrating! A common technique! Hey…he's moved it onto self-neutering! And now it's self-spaying! And now he's just turned himself into a paraplegic! Make that a quadriplegic! No more limbs….WE HAVE A WINNER!

-Back on stage-

 _Hehehe! This is so funny!_  
 _My dares:~Once again, no hurting/killing/torturing Eggie. Also, no hurting/killing/torturing Amy._  
 _~Tie Silver, Jet, Omochao, Charmy, Cosmo, Mephiles and possibly Elise & Sally to a big pole in the middle of the stage. Then give everyone a blaster (like the ones in star wars) and let then kill everyone who's tied up!_  
 _~Cream, give Shadow a hug. He needs it. Shadow cannot complain, or Big will sit on him._  
 _~Rouge, dress up like Harley from pokemon. Ha._  
 _Fwaahaahaahaa!_  
 _-ArcanineOod xX_

Jill: That doesn't stop us from insulting them!

Jack: (glares at Eggman) Yeah, fatty! (ties up said characters)

Jill: Cool! I get to see some more deaths! (hands out laser guns)

Everyone: (shooting gallery time!)

Omochao: OW! But I was being helpful!

Jack: Yeah, about as helpful as Navi was! (shoots Omochao's head off)

Cream: (rapidly fires at Cosmo)

Jill: (backs away from Cream) Wow…she's really overdoing it! And you know that's bad when I'm saying she's overdoing a kill!

Tails: At least I got to kill Charmy!

Jack: If you think Cream is overdoing her killing…(points to Amy)

Amy: (fires so fast at Elise and Sally, it looks like a machine gun)

-Many deaths not involving Sonic later-

Cream: (glomps Shadow)

Shadow: I do not…need…a hug! (gets crushed by Big)

Jack: Awww…I wanted to crush him using the giant foot from Monty Python's Flying Circus!

Rouge: Who the (bleep) is Harley?

Jack: I don't know…(looking on computer) Oh! Some gay cross-dresser! That would sound like a dare that Silver should have!

Rouge: (puts on dress) Okay. Done.

Jill: Hey…Tails disappeared again! And so did the Tornado! What happened?

Jack: Trust me…you don't want to know! (hears Tails shouting "I've found you, love!" in background)

Knuckles: Yay...I finished changing the light bulb! (light bulb shatters in background)

What a shocker…I found the time to update!


	76. Sonic Characters on a Stage

Sonic Characters on a Stage

I'm tired of these mother(bleep)ing Sonic characters on this mother(bleep)ing stage! As you can tell, I watched Snakes on a Plane recently!

Jack: (cowering in a corner)

Sonic: What's wrong?

Jack: Well, I think I gave Charmy some sugar…and then he went over to the nearby bottling factory!

Sonic: What?! But with all of that sugar, that means…

Charmy: (flies onto stage) I…AM CORNHOLIO!

Everyone: (start the panicking)

-One destroyed stage later-

Jill: Let's get reviewing already! The Sonic characters aren't going to torture themselves!

 _Muhhahaha! Cant wait to see them evil! Now while im here..._  
 _Sonic: You are now the size of a peanut! Run its Amy! (to bad he's in the closet with nowhere to go and no cracks to slip under)_  
 _Knuckles:I feel like giving you a break THIS TIME. Go merry Rouge(gives knuckles a large dimond ring)_  
 _Tails: After youre done being evil, you have to spend an evening with cosmo and cream fighting over you!_  
 _Silver: Go physoctic in jail, break out, and go on a killing rampage!_  
 _Blaze: Silvers Physco! Kill him quick!(Silver stops being nuts just before she kills him)_  
 _Rouge: Just to torture you, No divorce till 2 chapters!_  
 _Jill: You have to attend the wedding but u cant kill anyone in or harm the wedding at all or anybody attending._  
 _Everyone else: Attend the wedding (He he i slipped arsnic in there drinks!)_  
 _Thats all, happy torturing!_  
 _-Bolt the Wolf_

Jack: We indeed shall have a happy torturing! (randomly draws out a corn scythe, then grins psychotically) It's harvesting season!

Jill: (throws Sonic and Amy into closet) AUTHORESS POWERS, bitch!

Sonic: Curse you fan girls!

Amy: Thanks! Now you'll never run away from me again!

Knuckles: Marry her? Didn't I already do that a million chapters ago?

Jack: Whatever! We don't bother to keep track of things like that!

Knuckles: For a fan boy, you don't seem too bothered.

Jack: Everyone knows that marriage only means LESS sex for you!

Knuckles: (cuddles ring) Oh, you cute little jewelly thing..

Jack: Um, that's for Rouge.

Knuckles: (hisses) It's mine! (runs off with diamond ring)

Rouge: Give me that rock, you son of a bitch! (runs after Knuckles)

Cream: That's it! We're getting married, Tails!

Cosmo: No, I'm going to marry him again!

Tails: Ladies, didn't we already go over this? We could head to Utah, and have polygamy!

Jill: But isn't polygamy also illegal in Utah?

Tails: Yeah, but their jails are too overcrowded to put in all of the polygamist couples there. That means that you can have polygamy there without being arrested! (It's true.)

Cosmo: Well, I want him for myself! (grabs one of his tails)

Cream: And I want him for myself! (grabs the other tail)

Tails: AHHHH!

-One sadistic tug-of-war later-

Tails: (missing his tails, arms, legs, ears, and baby makers) Owww! Please stop!

Both: NEVER!

Silver: But I'm not in jail right now!

Jack: (ends call with the DEA) You are now, pothead!

-One drug arrest later-

Silver: (in a dress) Stop raping me!

Inmate: You hear that, boys? The Belle of the Ball wants another spin!

Silver: You won't like me when I'm angry…RAUGH! (uses powers to cause the whole building to collapse) Suck on it, Jean Grey! My powers can kill more than you and Magneto combined! (flies off laughing like a maniac)

-On stage-

Silver: HAHAHA! DIE, YOU FOOLS! (smashey smashey)

Blaze: There's only one way to defeat him…I'll have to completely rip-off the ending of X-Men: The Last Stand!

Jack: Wait, that means one thing…WE'LL GET TO SEE A TOPLESS BLAZE!

Fan boys: (commence the celebratory riots)

Blaze: (runs up to Silver) Stop this chaos!

Silver: (rips off Blaze's top as she runs up to him)

Blaze: Well, here I am…

Silver: (looks at Blaze's chest) Hey! These are a little…smaller…than what 'd like. You know what, (bleep) all of this! I'm tired of this killing and crushing and acting insane!

Blaze: (gasps) You said that I'm…SMALL? TIME TO DIE! (burns Silver to death)

-At the wedding-

Jack: (looking at a drink) Ah, one of my favorite kinds of poison to use!

Everyone else: (falls over dead)

-One mass revival later-

 _Jack: I dare you to dress as Amy and get screwed by all the entire male cast._  
 _-Anonymous_

Jack: You…I…damn it! (puts on dress) Let's just get this (bleep) over with already!

Yaoi fan girls: (take Jack and all guys into closet)

Jack: OW! That really hurts! Honestly, can you go a little light-OW!

-Many emotional scars later-

 _Heck yeah! Now for a GOOD set of dares! *aims cannon at EM*_  
 _Sonic: Make out with the accursed one..._  
 _Staples: That__  
 _Me: NO!_  
 _Staples:Was-_  
 _All:?_  
 _Staples: Easy._  
 _Me: YOU FREAKING SUCK STAPLES! AND DOOPLISS rules!_  
 _LOL sorry. Couldn't resist. Bye Bye! LOL WAIT Big and Knux vs me, SEPERATELY, me with swords. I (heart) SWORDS._  
 _Bye Bye_  
 _-Senom299_

Sonic: The accursed one?

Jack: EM? Do you mean Eggman?

Sonic: What?! I'm making out with Egman?

Jill: Genius!

Eggman: Well, if I'm held at the point of a cannon, I guess I have no choice…

-Much vomiting from the two rivals later-

Jack: Doopliss? Do you mean the Paper Mario villain?

Jill: (shoves Big and Knuckles off stage) They're probably going to be next seen floating down a river…in many different parts of it at once!

 _IDEAS_  
 _everyone: watch Funniest Sonic the Hedgehog 2! + Tails Dollon youtube_  
 _shadow: protect the chaos from the tails doll_  
 _sonic: go join orgnazation 13_  
 _Amy: meet your new boyfriend, a bonewalker from Morrowind_  
 _Eggman: become a new pokemon, even more useless than magickarp_  
 _Tails: get revinge on silver_  
 _Cosmo/Cream: go into the closet together_  
 _Tailsdoll: be Jacks fanboy_  
 _knuckles: act like puss and boots_  
 _Rouge: fight over amy's new boyfriend_  
 _all robots: act like your gay_  
 _blaze: kill your self_  
 _Jack: let the Tails doll to do the killing_  
 _sudmit this review in the next 5 ch or else!_  
 _-XxSpiritWolfxX_

Jill: Or else? We don't take to threats, especially misspelled ones!

Jack: I typed that name in the Youtube search box, but couldn't find what video you were talking about! Sorry…but if you send us a link for it, we'll look it up and go over it the next chapter!

Shadow: Why would the Tails Doll want their souls? They're annoying as hell!

Cream and Tikal: (give Shadow the finger)

Shadow: Besides, why would I give a (bleep) about them?

Jill: Because you have to!

Shadow: Fine! But the Tails Doll isn't going to attack them! I'll just sit around and be bored to death!

Jack: And that would be funny!

Shadow: Damn!

Jill: (laughs at Sonic's dare) This is going to be great…

-At the Castle That Never Was-

Sonic: Hello! Any evil heart-using people around here?

Xigbar: What is it that you want? Wait…what the (bleep) are you?

Sonic: I'm Sonic the Hedgehog.

Luxord: (snickers) He looks like Axel.

Xaldin: No, he looks more like Saix!

Saix: (goes berserk) That's it, you're dead! YAH-(gets tackled by Zexion)

Sonic: Umm…hello?

Vexen: What do you want?

Sonic: I have to join you.

Demyx: Ha! Like that will happen.

Axel: He's probably more qualified than you will ever be!

Demyx: (starts fighting Axel)

Sonic: Umm…you guys seem kind of violent…

Larxene: (grabs Sonic) Let's just take him to the Superior already!

-Later-

Xemnas: Really? Hmm…I guess we could use another member!

Zexion: What? But there is supposed to be 13 in this organization!

Marluxia: If you haven't noticed, Square Enix already hasn't been exactly listening to that, as we can see by her! (points to Xion)

Xion: (blushes, shuffles away)

Xemnas: Then I guess you're in!

Sonic: Sweet! So, where do I start?

Xemnas: Well, we first just simply have to carve out your heart and feed it to the darkness.

Sonic: Wait, wha-AHHHHHHHH!

-Back on stage-

Amy: What's a bone walker?

Jill: A zombie from the Elders Scrolls 3!

Jack: (puts a tuxedo on a bonewalker) There we go, now you look all handsome!

Bonewalker: Uhhhhh…

Jack: That's right! It looks GREAT on you!

Amy: (notices bonewalker) Oh, he's so dreamy…

Rouge: Hey! I want that gentleman in the tuxedo! He might have a wallet on him for me to steal!

Jill: I don't think so…

Rouge: (fights Amy anyways)

Jack: He ALREADY is more useless than a Magicarp!

Jill: (chucks a Poke Ball at Eggman)

Eggman: Ow! That kind of hurt! (gets sucked in)

Jill: I caught a fat, lazy bastard! (throws the Poke Ball into a river)

Tails: For what?

Jill: I guess for that time he raped you in chapter 33!

Silver: I couldn't control myself! I was hypnotized!

Tails: I'm still seeing my psychologist because of that! (shoots Silver)

Yuri fan boys: (take Cream and Cosmo to closet)

Cream: I'm tired of these mother(bleep)ing yuri fan boys bringing us to this mother(bleep)ing closet!

Tails Doll: How do I become one.

Jack: Just read my fics.

Tails Doll: (starts reading)

Knuckles: Which one? The real one, or the one from Shrek?

Jack: I guess either would be fine.

Knuckles: (draws out a sword) Oh yeah…I'm so charming! And how are all of you ladies and gentlemen today? Aye, this handsomeness is hard to counter, is it not?

Jill: (glomps Knuckles) OH MY GOSH! He's even cuter when acting like this!

Knuckles: Ah! I'm being defeated by this fan girl!

Gamma: Hello, everyone. Who wants to shop.

Omega: (puts on a pink shirt) I do. (heads off with Gamma)

Jill: That was boring. Who are they basing themselves off of?

Jack: Silver.

Jill: Oh…that explains it!

Blaze: But…if he's gay…then I'm lonely! (jumps into a river, drowns with Eggman)

Tails Doll: (flies over to Jack) Is it…really you.

Jack: Yes!

Tails Doll: You are so funny. Like, oh my gosh you are funny. I am at your service.

Jack: (evil grin) Hmm…I haven't seen enough murders yet this chapter! You know what to do.

Tails Doll: (draws out a purse) For the funny man. (beats all Sonic characters to death with a purse)

-One mass revival later-

Charmy: What's left?

Jack: Just one more thing…I still need you to suffer for what you did at the beginning of this chapter! Therefore…(grabs Charmy's hand and a knife) I shall play Mumblypeg again! And trust me, my aim is horrible!

Charmy: (screams)

I've got a lot to do for the next chapter…so it'll take a while!


	77. Let's Kick Some Ice!

Let's Kick Some Ice!

Who will die next? You never can guess on this show!

Shadow: I'm so excited!

Jill: What's up?

Shadow: Today, I managed to get really high…so now I'm going to get high…and then I'm going to get high…and then I'm going to get high…

Jack: I think he's been smoking too much crack.

Sonic: How can we tell?

Jack: I know how! (gives Shadow a spoon)

Shadow: (lights a lighter underneath it, starts freebasing)

Jill: But…there's no drugs in the spoon!

Sonic: I guess he must be freebasing the air!

Jack: Well…who's up for some torture?

Everyone: (silence)

Jack: Too bad!

 _every time someone goas in the closet for the next 5 chapters put a camera in the closet (in other words, describe it) or put a tape recorder in there so we can here it!_

Jill: Who wrote this review?

Jack: There's no name on it. It's just blank.

Jill: Well…we can't describe it! This is a T-rated fic!

Jack: (puts a tape-recorder in the closet) I guess we'll be using that, then!

 _Got the dares_  
 _Tails get Rape, Soul suck and control by the Tails Doll_  
 _Shadow Yiff Cream in the closet_  
 _Vanilla use your spike dilio to yiff shadow since he yiff your daughter_  
 _Big jump off a clift_  
 _Sliver get hump by a Dog and tie too and get pregent too_  
 _Amy Chase Sonic Around the world in 80 Days_  
 _Blaze use your cat instinct to Rape and Eat Jet the Hawk_  
 _Tails Rape Wave and tell her your Teck is better than hers_  
 _Eggman turn Espio into a Female and Rape her_  
 _Vector since Charmy getting on your nerves turn him into a female then dump Her into the Fan Boy Pit_  
 _Knuckals: OH no Detroit Lions using the Master Emerald as a Football agents Jacksonville Jaguars_  
 _Big Coach USC Trojans cause them to lose then let them beat you up_  
 _Froggy coach Michigan Wolverines Football team and lead them to the National Championship_  
 _Rouge Face Kuromaru, if Kuromaru wins then he will rape you but if you win then get any reving on him but this fight is a yiff fight too. (Oh Kueomaru is a Mugan Charture Not a OC)_  
 _Eggman go and face Cincinnati Cursaders in Blitz the Legue II (don't tell him Blitz the LEgue II is a Hard Hitting Football game Injureys will hapen and they got Unlimted Rush means more hurting)_  
 _-Charles Roberts_

Tails Doll: Why rape. I just like souls.

Jack: I don't know! (throws the two love birds in yaoi fan girl-filled closet)

Tails: I SHALL MAKE YOU ALL SUFFER UNDER THE HANDS OF MY PIMP EMPIRE-AH!

Cream: Ew…emo!

Shadow: Ew…annoying!

Jill: You're both going to compromise, damn it! (shoves both into a closet)

Jack: (points to a random cliff) Hey Big, Froggy's down there!

Big: Uhhh…Yay! (drops Froggy out of his hands, jumps off of cliff)

Silver: How's a dog supposed to impregnate me?

Jill: No idea. Yaoi fan girls are impossible to predict! (ties up Silver, throws him to Yaoi fan girls)

Jack: (throws up) They can do that with a dog?

Vanilla: Hey…where's Cream?

Jack: (points to closet)

Vanilla: (listening) OH MY GOSH!

Jill: If you want her man to suffer, use this! (hands Vanilla the spiked sex toy)

Vanilla: (eyes widen) But…I'm not into that stuff!

Jill: (hypnotizes her) Now you are!

Vanilla: (runs into closet, followed almost immediately by Shadow's screams)

Sonic: Which version of that?

Jill: The horrible remake, of course!

Sonic: (jumps onto hot air balloon) HAHAHA! (gives the finger to everyone) You can't do anything about me-AHHH!

Amy: (pounces up from behind him) BISHIE!

Jack: (shoots Amy out of balloon) You're supposed to not get him for 80 days!

Amy: No way!

Jill: Don't worry…afterwards, we'll let you do the deepest, darkest things you ever imagined doing with him…

Amy: (drools) Really? YES! (runs off)

Jack: And that's the last we'll see of Sonic alive!

Blaze: Raping? I understand eating, but raping?

Jill: But everyone knows that Jet needs to get laid! (offers a catnip bribe)

Blaze: (rolls eyes) Fine. (drags Jet into closet)

Wave: Like, yah! Why would he sleep with her? Oh my gosh, that's so gross! Ew!

Tails: This suspicious-looking drink will calm you down! (hands drink to Wave)

Wave: (out)

Eggman: How do I turn them into females?

Jack: Only one creature has the capacity to turn guys into chicks…a fan girl!

Eggman: (throws Espio to the fan girls) Now what? I'm not sure I'd want to rape a transsexual…

Jack: It's probably the only action you'll get for many chapters to come!

Eggman:…True. (takes Espio into closet after the fan girls are done with him/her)

Vector: Charmy? Remember that time when you asked me for that pay raise? And wouldn't shut up until I gave you one?

Charmy: Oh yeah! You still haven't given me that yet-AHHHHHH! (gets thrown to fan girls)

Fan girls: (take female Charmy to his/her doom…fan boys!)

Knuckles: Fun! I always like using the Master Emerald as a football, though it spins a lot-THEY'RE DOING WHAT?! (runs off) I shall rescue you, darling!

Eggman: (runs out of closet) Espio tried to kill me! Hwy would he be angry at me? I only brutally raped him or her!

Jack: (sighs) What is it with all of the (bleep)ing football teams? (sends Big, Froggy, and Eggman to their teams)

Rouge: Who's Kuromaru?

Jill: I think it's a Naruto character…

Rouge: A sex fight? How does that work?

Jack: Do you think I know? If anyone know, it's you!

Rouge: (glares, then heads off)

-In Florida-

Announcer: And now for the kick that will determine the game-WHOA! Some red dog-looking thing ran onto the field and grabbed the football! The two teams are chasing him-OOF! They've got him! Now they're beating him senseless…and there goes his spine!

-In a Michigan vs. South Carolina game-

Big: Uhhh…where's some fish?

Michigan Players: (grumble, head out onto field)

Froggy: (hops in front of team) Ribbit! (Translation: Do everything perfect! No mistakes! Remember…I will shoot a puppy if you don't win!

USC Players: NOT A PUPPY! (charge at other team)

Big: (sees Froggy) There you are, pally! (runs up, glomps Froggy)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Dying…no air…AHHH!)(dies)

Referee: Disqualification! Murdering the other coach is right up there with selling tickets without our permission!

Michigan Players: (face Big, put fists together)

Big: Uhhh…why's that smile not there-NOOOOOO!

USC Players: We shall win, for the coach! (take the championship by storm)

-In Blitz: The League II-

Eggman: An entire football team? (bleep)!

Coach: I'll give you guys more drugs tonight if you take this bastard down!

Eggman: (demolished)

-Back on stage-

Amy: Hi guys!

Jill: Amy…where did you put Sonic?

Amy: I'm not telling you!

Jack: (rolls eyes) Not again!

Rouge: (comes back from fight) I won! I then did the audience!

Jill: Ew…

 _Okay, this time the unlucky character shall be... AMY!_  
 _Tails: Scramble Amy's atoms so that she explodes in a shower of body parts._  
 _Cosmo: Beat Amy down with her hammer._  
 _Mephiles: Tear out Amy's intestines and hit her with them until she dies. Each time you hit her, you must say, "You've been gut slapped!"._  
 _Espio: Use a poisonous dart and blowgun to kill Amy._  
 _Vector: While Amy is binde, play ALL your rap for her even after her ears are bleeding!_  
 _Silver: Use your telekinetic powers to tear off Amy's limbs and swap them. (Put her arms where her legs go and her legs where her arms go)_  
 _Froggy: Use the ninja moves you learned in my fic to kill Amy._  
 _Big: Tackle Amy as hard as you can._  
 _Tikal: Torture Amy while she is bound and gagged for an hour._  
 _Omega: Go out hunting animals with Amy. Make sure she has an "accident"._  
 _Gamma: Go out hunting with Amy. Your target? Pink hedgehogs._  
 _Blaze: Have a contest with Jhonny from the Fantastic Four to see who can burn Amy at the hottest temperature._  
 _Metal Sonic: Tear out Amy's heart._  
 _Jet: Ride your extreme gear and cut Amy in half with it while going really fast._  
 _Wave: Cut off Amy's head and run around waving it to everyone._  
 _Eggman: Why the (Beep) haven't you killed off Amy whenever you capture her? I demand that you do so now!_  
 _Charmy: Lace your stinger with the deadliest poison known in the world and sting Amy._  
 _Knuckles: So you can dig through the ground pretty well, huh? Let's see how fast you can dig THROUGH Amy._  
 _Rouge: Since you're a vampire, suck Amy dry!_  
 _Shadow: Impale Amy with a Chaos Spear and then hang her up as a trophy._  
 _Sonic: Yell and scream at Amy that you hate her until she commits suicide._  
 _Jill: (Jack, hypnotize Jill into thinking that Amy is Rouge and let her go crazy)_  
 _Jack: Skin Amy alive and bathe everyone in her blood._  
 _Amy: Do a TNT jump. Jump from the stage while holding a lit box of TNT._  
 _Chaos: (Jack, dress Amy up as a chao and give her to Chaos. I'm sure Chaos is so protective of them that he won't let her leave to go chase after Sonic)_  
 _I can't wait until next time, when the next unlucky victim is chosen! (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Tails: (blank stare)

Jack: Put his soul back, damn it!

Tails Doll: (rolls eyes) Fine. (shoves Tails' soul back into him)

Tails: (pulls out portable atom scrambler) Goodbye, crazy chick! (causes Amy to spread apart)

Cosmo: (grabs hammer, starts beating on each body part of Amy's)

-One revival later-

Mephiles: (rips out intestines) MUHAHA! I get to kill her while using a cliché! I am such an original villain right now! (starts beating on Amy) You've been gut-slapped!

Espio: (back to normal) Why can't I use the ninja moves? (fires blowgun, kills Amy)

-Another revival later-

Vector: (ties up Amy) This won't end well…(sets headphones, puts them on Amy)

Amy: Hey! This isn't the normal crap I listen to! AH!

-Two dead eardrums later-

Silver: (starts the replacing) Cool! I feel like Dr. Nick from the Simpsons!

Froggy: (pins Amy against the wall with ninja stars)

Amy: Ooooh…Pointy! (accidentally cuts off head with a ninja star)

-Another revival later-

Big: (tackles Amy) Uhh…now where's my fish?

Jack: (throws fish to Big) Good boy!

Jill: (ties up Amy) Now make the fan girl suffer!

Tikal: What?! (sees shotgun in her face) Fine.

-One hour of suffering later-

Omega and Gamma: (take Amy on a happy hunting)

Gamma: (starts shooting at Amy) Prey found. Prey killed.

Omega: Hehehe. I love your ruthlessness.

-Back on stage-

Blaze: Burn it all! (stats the roasting)

Johnny: I can beat this, easily! (adds more fire)

Amy: Oh no! I'm all burny!

Metal Sonic: (rips out her heart)

Amy: And all dieey! (dies)

Jet: (chops through her burning body with board) Best. Stunt. Ever!

Wave: (grabs a corn scythe, chops off Amy's head) Like, ew! She's like, dead and stuff!

Jill: Just wave around her head a bit!

Wave: (gasps) Ew! This is so not my day! (parades around with Amy's head)

-One Amy revival later-

Eggman: But…she's useful as a hostage against Sonic! I almost killed him in Sonic Adventure 2 when I used Amy as a hostage!

Jack: Emphasis on "almost"!

Eggman: (glares) Fine. (uses entire arsenal to wipe out the fan girl)

-Another Amy revival later-

Charmy: (injects some poison into himself)

Espio: Hey! Where did my poison go?

Charmy: Into her! (stings Amy)

Knuckles: Through her? Then I can be a surgeon!

Jack: And a very horrible one at that!

Knuckles: (digs through a dying Amy)

Rouge: (starts sucking blood) Mmm…this is like that blood from-(dies)

Jack: Damn it, she's still dying of poison!

-After reviving both-

Shadow: (impales Amy, hangs her up) A fan girl trophy? Now that's a scary thought…

Sonic: (brought back) But…why would I do that?

Jack: Remember what she did to you after she caught you at the end of the 80 days?

Sonic: (fetal position) That fan girl must be stopped! (walks up to Amy) I hate you! I hate what you did, and I absolutely hate you!

Amy: Oh….now I'm all emoey! (rips out the Chaos Spear, stabs self)

-One revived fan girl later-

Jill: (eyes start burning with anger)

Jack: Let's kill her together!

Jill: (rips Amy apart) Go, teamwork!

Jack: (spreads around her blood to everyone) HAHAHA!

Tails: Dude…this is getting creepy.

Jack: Indeed it is!

-Another revival later-

Janitor: Damn it! I wanted to kill the fan girl for leaving all of this blood here!

Jill: You still can!

Janitor: (gives Amy a lit box of TNT, tells her about the "cool new jump")

Amy: (jumps off stage) I'm cool now-(BOOM)

-After one more revival-

Amy: (puts on Chao outfit) This doesn't go well with me!

Jill: (shoves Amy over to Chaos)

Sonic: Is-is it over?

Jack: (notices a certain Chao being blocked by Chaos) Yep. She's gone for now!

Jill: Then let's get to a new idea!

Jack: Oh yeah! You see, we looked at some clips from the infamous Batman and Robin movie…and we decided that there were some horrible puns that should totally become Internet memes!

Jill: There's one in particular…when Mr. Freeze says "Let's kick some ice!"

Jack: Therefore…we shall now randomly do a crappy game show clip for this!

-At the show-

Jack: Welcome, to another episode of…

Audience: (shouts) LET'S…KICK…SOME…ICE!

Jack: Exactly! Now, we have with us a mad scientist from far away. Please welcome Dr. Robotnik!

Eggman: (comes onto stage with audience cheering)

Jack: Now Doctor, are you prepared to…kick some ice?

Eggman: Yes! Yes I am! Oh boy!

Jill: (drags out a frozen Amy)

Jack: (points to a target on the wall) All you have to do is kick this ice block into the target on the wall! If you hit the spike in the middle of the target, you win!

Eggman: I'm so excited…this is my big chance! (kicks the ice right into the target)

Amy: (gets impaled by spike)

Jack: (rings bell) You win! Congratulations, Doctor! You get a free trip to Honolulu!

Eggman: YES! I rock! (runs off the stage cheering)

Jack: And that concludes another episode of…

Audience: (shouts) LET'S…KICK…SOME ICE!

-Back on stage-

Jack: If any horrible movie catchphrase deserves to become the next Internet meme, it's that one!

From now on, if you ever want to know how far I am on finishing a chapter, just check out the status part of my profile!


	78. Sonic against Chuck Norris!

Sonic against Chuck Norris!

Wow…this took longer to do than we thought! That's mostly because my computer chose a convenient time to have its Internet service not work!

Jack: (puts sign over his head saying "Warning: Anyone within a 10-foot radius of me has an increased probability of receiving falling anvils, lightning strikes, mountain lion attacks, etc.") As you can tell, I have bad luck!

Jill: Hey…we made it to some reviews for chapter 34!

 _i dare tails to become an evil genius and make a plan to rule the world (and throw charmy to the fangirls while ya at it)_  
 _-lordlyhour_

Tails: Success! (throws Charmy to the deranged creatures known as fan girls) World domination? Hmm…will it get me laid?

Jack: Probably. You could become pimp of the world!

Tails: Then I'm in! (starts setting up plan)

Silver: (comes back from Juno) At least you didn't have to do Juno with a dog! (runs off crying)

 _haHA! I've got one! Throw Sonic, Shadow, Tails, Silver and Knuckles to the Fanboys..._  
 _And not the jealous fanboys...The YAOI fanboys!_  
 _(dun dun dun)hehehehe, have fun boys!_  
 _-Trauts_

Jill: Get back here! (drags Silver back on stage)

Tails: But…I just figured out how to hack those nuclear weapons!

Jack: Well, you'll just have to hack their programs later!

Jill: (shoves four of them off stage) I-I can't do this to you, Knuckie!

Jack: But I can! (shoves Knuckles to fan boys)

Yaoi fan boys: (make those characters their bitches)

Silver: (crying while being dragged off) Why am I the popular bitch?

Tails: (also being dragged off) You're the popular bitch!? Yeah right! I'm getting raped way more than you are-AUGH!

Knuckles: OW! Stop doing that to my dreadlocks! It hurts!

-Much later-

 _hi again i dare sonic and shadow to turn into female versions of themselves and then makeout_  
 _-lordlyhour_

Sonic: (returns on stage, looks down) AHHHH! What did those yaoi fan boys do to me?

Shadow: (grumbles) The same thing that they did to me!

Jill: Here's a good philosophical question for you! Since you're both guys turned into chicks…is it yuri or yaoi?

Jack: (summons a strange collection of both yuri and yaoi fans) We'll just put on both types of fans and see what happens!

Shadow: NO! I don't want to make out with that idiot!

Sonic: I think they're going to kill us if we don't…

Both: (makeout and throw up)

 _Big: go on a killing spree._  
 _Charmy: sting yourself to death._  
 _-Nobody_

Big: (sharpens the end of his fishing rod)

Jack: Froggy wants you to kill! Kill, kill, and kill!

Big: Alright, Froggy! (starts beating everyone to death with a fishing rod)

Vector: GET OFF ME! NOOOOO!

Charmy: AAAH! If he's going, then I'm going! (stings self) Maaan, hara-kiri feels good…(plops over dead)

-One awkward killing spree later-

Big: (gunned down by feds outside an Arizona motel in a tease of many, many action movie endings)

Jill: A fishing pole? He really thought he could kill us all with a fishing pole? (laughs)

 _Cream: grow a **, dress Tails as a baby, then make him suck you off._  
 _Shadow: eat a cactus._  
 _Sonic: beat Chuck Norris in a race._  
 _-Anon._

Cream: (eyes widen) Gross!

Jack: Wow…that kind of makes me want to throw up too!

Jill: Ummm…Authoress Powers, I guess…(makes Cream switch genders)

Tails: (puts on baby outfit) Because of this, you shall be among the first to die! (heads to closet with Cream)

Shadow: (looks at cactus) You guys aren't the only ones who have to vomit…

Jill: This fic is quickly making the TV show Jackass look tame!

Shadow: (starts eating the plant, then coughing) OW! This mother(bleep)ing cactus! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

Black Doom: Time to put in a horrible cliché to help a character! Believe in yourself, Shadow!

Shadow: I will, Daddy! (finishes cactus)

-At the race-

Sonic: But…he's going to kick my ass afterwards! Besides, are you sure I can outrun him?

Jack: Don't worry, I have a plan!

Jill: (fires gun) Begin!

Amy: (pops up behind Sonic) HI BISHIE!

Sonic: AUGH! IT'S THE MONSTER! (runs past Chuck Norris, wins race almost instantly) Ha! I knew I could outdo old Chuckie!

Norris: That still doesn't prevent me from kicking your ass!

Sonic: Oh, right…

-Back on stage-

Jack: I can still hear Sonic's screams of pain from all the way over here!

 _-tails doll fanatic_  
 _(aka lordlyhour) set the tails doll on everyone!_

Jill: (bleep)! Well, we've already had practice for this with Big…

Tails Doll: (flies above everyone) Who shall I take from first. (starts the ending of lives)

Jill: Let's do this massacre in the form of a Mastercard commercial! Hiring a Janitor for a stage: 20 bucks an hour.

Jack: Convincing SEGA to let you torture the Sonic characters on stage: An all-night coke orgy with the executive and Rouge.

Tails Doll: (steals more souls) Watching everyone flee as you steal their souls: Priceless.

Jack: There's some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's the Tails Doll to kill you!

Jill: I think we just gave the whole audience nightmares for years to come!

Jack: And now we're almost to the top! Let's get those reviews pouring in…by holding another contest!

Jill: You see, we remembered when LittleKuriboh did a special for Yugioh: Abridged detailing the search for Seto Kaiba's real father!

Jack: It was hilarious!

Jill: Indeed. And so we decided to do our own variation of that…

Jack: By searching for Eggman's real father! We all know how Gerald Robotnik is his grandfather, and how Maria is his cousin…but who's his father?

Jill: And what better way to decide then by having everyone vote on it?

Jack: So all you have to do is send in a vote via review for who you think Eggman's father is from the list of pop culture icons we've assembled below…or vote for an idea of your own! That is, if you can think of anyone better than all of these!

Jill: Though that's probably not happening…this is a good list!

Jack: Let's show it! Here's what you can choose from…

-Josef Stalin  
-King Dedede  
-Dr. Frankenstein (or his grandson)  
-Santa  
-Stephen Hawking  
-Bill Nye  
-Mario  
-Wario  
-Fat Albert  
-Invader Zim  
-A red M&M (got this idea from some fic…can't remember which!)  
-The Guy on the Pringles Cartons (also got this from some fic I can't remember!)  
-Tails

Tails: (interrupts) What?! But he's older than me!

Jack:…It's still possible! (continues list)

-Ronald McDonald  
-Yakov Smirnoff (In Russia, Eggman's father find YOU!  
-Dr. Evil  
-Fat Bastard  
-Peter Griffin  
-The Giant Kool-Aid pitcher (Oh yeah!)  
-The Nutty Professor  
-Rubeus Hagrid  
-Uncle Vernon  
-Chef Boyardee  
-Colonel Klink  
-Sergeant Schultz  
-Gerald Robotnik (Incest!)  
-Wilford Brimley (The "Dia-beet-us" guy…You have to see the ad to get it!)  
-Ernst Stavro Blofeld  
-Swedish Chef (Bork, indeed!)  
-King Harkinian of Hyrule  
-The Joker  
-Jabba the Hut  
-jackattack555

There you have it…vote! Add to that review count! We'll show the results (meaning everyone's votes) next chapter!


	79. Eggman's father

Eggman's father

Ummm…it doesn't look like much has happened since we updated…at least, not much besides this becoming the most popular Sonic fic ever!

Janitor: (drops down balloons, plays "We Are The Champions" in background)

Jill: Holy (bleep) on a (bleep) sandwich!

Jack: If someone had told me a year ago that I would write the most popular Sonic fic within a year, I would have accused that person of being crazy and ran off screaming!

Sonic: So…people like my suffering?

Jill: YES! (shoves Sonic's face into a boiling hot pan)

Sonic: (screams, then runs off)

Jack: Before we get to everyone else's votes, let's add in our own!

Jill: My vote would definitely have to be Chef Boyardee! HE ROCKS!

Jack: That's precisely why I think he's not Eggman's father! I'm putting my vote in for King Harkinian from the Zelda: Cd-i games! Despotic? Fat with a mustache? Wondering what's for dinner? That sounds EXACTLY like Eggman!

Eggman: Just get on with it!

Jill: Fine! Let's get to the first vote in the dramatic order we've set up…

 _ZIM for Eggman father_  
 _also put Shadow on catus juice_  
 _-XxSpiritWolfxX_

Eggman: Invader Zim? But…he's an alien!

Jill: That would mean that you and Cosmo have a lot in common!

Cosmo: (screams) NO! I refuse to believe that he could be one of us!

Jack: We shall see…

Shadow: (grabs the tiny cactus) This doesn't look like a drink…(takes it) Whoa…

Jill: As you just found out, cactus juice is another name for peyote!

Shadow: (stumbles) Trippy…(bleep)ing trippy, man!

Sonic: Cool! (kicks Shadow)

Shadow: Get off of me, Cthulhu!

Jack: You see Cthulhu in your peyote visions?

Shadow: AHHHH! The chickens are at it again! (runs off)

 _Let's see...Koo-Aid guy sounds possible, I mean, he likes to go on killing sprees, but I'm having trouble figuring out how this could be ma- NEVER MIND!_  
 _Okay, I think I've got it!_  
 _First, King Dedede and Chef Boyardee were together, and broke up. Meanwhile,Yakov Smirnoff and Kernal Mustard broke up. Eventually, it ended up with two different relationships: DededeXMustard and BoyardeeXSmirnoff. Eggman is the child of Smirnoff and Boyardee, hence his russianess. But then, that would mean Eggman has a half-brother removed- the son of Dedede and Kernal Mustard. You figure out the rest I'm just too tired. It was my last day of school today, and we had a "dance", -or as close to a dance as the 7th grade councilcan get- and I danced a 40-minute conga line (Aric talked me into it, so don't ask), the Casper Slide V2, AND the Electric Slide!_  
 _Dares!_  
 _Amy: OMG have you seen yourself for Mario & Sonic at the Winter Olympics?YOU'RE WEARING A PARKA and in THAT POSE?! Instead of that, hows' 'bout that little pink-and-yellow bikini from the anime? (fanboys WILL drool)_  
 _Charmy The Anoyan- I mean, ur, BEE: Quote:"In the Last Story, Charmy inadvertently saves Earth when ramming his stinger into a computer aboard the Space Colony ARK while helping Espio and Vector hack in. By doing this, Charmy activates a videotape that allows Shadow to break free of Black Doom's mind control." Wow... well, that was then! (throws Jack an AK-47) Now go make a bloody smothie with the insect!_  
 _Jet: In the begining of Sonic Riders, you said your father gave you the conrtol box. Who WAS your father?_  
 _Rouge: In Riders, why did your outfit have Hawaiian print?_  
 _Silver: I can't do anything bad to you right now. Have a cookie._  
 _Tikal: Just look at your artwork on Sonic Channel. You'll never feel good about yourself again!_  
 _"I just got Dawn of the Dragon! BLISS!"_  
 _-MaceKiwi_

Jack: Damn it! Colonel Mustard was a good idea! How did we not see that?

Jill: But then…who would be the father between Smirnoff and Boyardee?

Jack: I don't know who would be on top in that relationship…

Jill: GO BOYARDEE!

Jack: (rolls eyes) Fine. We'll count that as a vote for Chef Boyardee!

Jill: Forty minutes?! (bleep)!

Jack: (reads Amy's dare) OH MY GODS! They're making that game?

Jill: (looks on computer) Apparently.

Jack: That's almost as bad of an idea as doing another Sonic kart racing game!

Jill: They're doing that too!

Jack: (vomits) I feel sick…and not just from the thought of Amy in a bikini!

Amy: (glares) Stop calling me ugly! (changes into bikini)

Fan boys: (the usual horniness)

Charmy: I saved the world? COOL!

Jack: Damn it, you should've died in a sacrifice to save the world! EVERYONE would be happy then! (paints the walls with the bullets and Charmy's blood)

Jet: My father? Well, he-

Jill: We're searching for Eggman's father, not Jet's father!

Jack: We'll just say it's probably a bird! And I probably had it for Thanksgiving!

Jet: I'm not a turkey, I'm a hawk!

Jill: Shut up, you turkey!

Rouge: What Hawaiian print?

Jill: The Hawaiian print on your legs! With the exception of that, you look like Tifa in Kingdom Hearts II!

Rouge: So I've been to Hawaii a few times! Big deal!

Jack: There's hookers in Hawaii? YES!

Rouge: (glares)

Silver: Yay! (takes the cookie)

Janitor: No more bakery treats! Do you know how many crumbs that's going to leave behind? (starts beating Silver with a broom)

Tikal: (looks at artwork) Why am I pulling my own dreadlock?

Wave: Like, you look so wrong in that! So, like, you've got the position all wrong, you know? And, like, OH MY GOSH! Look at that dress! Yah, you have to fix that!

Tikal: (scoots away) Wave's scaring me…

Jill: Do you mean that Spyro game? Dragon…the Other White Meat!

 _last choice jackattack555._  
 _*bursts into hysterical laughter that causes myself to die over 9000 times simultaneously._  
 _-HolyMage Mouto_

Jack: Wow…that's a lot of deaths!

Jill: Poor Vegeta…that stupid quote of his has spread EVERYWHERE!

-Meanwhile-

Vegeta: (crying) Why couldn't I have just said 9001? WHY?!

-Back on stage-

Jack: Me?

Sonic: I guess you could be…

Jack: But my plans actually WORK at making you guys suffer! His never do!

Eggman: Stop insulting me!

Jill: Now you're encouraging us to insult you more!

 _My vote goes to the zeldi cdi versian of King Harkinian of Hyrule_  
 _-Not G. Ivingname_

Jack: Yes! Someone agrees with me! I doubt that Link is the only person Harkinian has ever referred to as "Mah boi!"

Eggman: Wait…does that mean I could inherit the kingdom of Hyrule?

Jill: Yes! Which would also mean that you would constantly get deposed by Ganon almost every week!

Eggman: Ohhh….now I don't want this kingdom anymore!

 _I say he's Dr Evil's kid!After all,they're supposed to be Bond villain ,I realize since all the characters have killed,raped,ect,they're all going to hell one day!That means you get to watch them be tortured while being tortured yourself in hell Jack!_  
 _Jack-What do you fear most of all?Also,you will become both a pervert fanboy and a obssesive Jill-esque fanboy!For a couple chapters_  
 _Jill-Switch personalities with 're the idiot puncher person and Knuckles is a crazed Jill fanboy_  
 _Time for DC MADNESS!_  
 _onic-You're Superman!_  
 _Tails-You're Superboy!_  
 _Knuckles-You're the Martian Manhunter!_  
 _Shadow-You're Batman!_  
 _Rouge and Omega-You're Robin_  
 _Eggman-You're Lex Luthor!_  
 _Black Doom-You're the Joker!_  
 _Metal Sonic-You're Bizarro!_  
 _GUN Commander-You're Two-Face!_  
 _Silver-You're the Green Lantern!_  
 _Amy-Wonder Woman!_  
 _Others-Jack chooses_  
 _-Jlate_

Jack: He obviously looks like an optimist for our future! I fear…not getting laid in college!

Jill: Obesessivus Pervertus! (hypnotizes Jack) I like ripping off Harry Potter spells!

Jack: Can't…stop…thinking…about boobs!

Knuckles: (glomps Jill) YAY! I knew that you'd be here!

Jill: NO! This is almost as bad as my math tests!…Why does it hurt when I think?

Knuckles: Oh, you'll get used to that pain sensation after a while!

Jack: This superhero dare sounds interesting…I would personally have Silver be Aquaman for (coughs) various reasons, but I guess it's your decision for him to be the Green Lantern!

-At the Justice League meeting-

Sonic: Alright everyone, let's talk about-

Tails: If I'm technically supposed to be the past version of you, how are we in the same room?

Sonic: I don't know-

Shadow: Why can't I head this league?

Sonic: Because I'm more popular!

Shadow: (laughs) In the 1980s! Didn't you see how successful The Dark Knight was?

Black Doom: Yeah! I won a (bleep)ing Oscar!

Sonic: Wait…what are you doing here?

Black Doom:…Isn't this the villains' meeting?

Shadow: If this was, why would I be here?

Black Doom: I don't know, okay? Isn't this room 15 of the second floor?

Sonic: No, this is Room 16! Room 15 is across the hall!

Black Doom: Oh…thanks. (walks out)

Sonic: (glares at Shadow) And to answer your question, I actually HAVE powers! You just wave around a bunch of gadgets and have lots of money!

Shadow: What?!

Knuckles: I have more powers than you do!

Sonic: Yeah, but no one cares about you!

Knuckles: OH, THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOUR ASS!

Shadow: Not before I do it!

Rouge: (holds Shadow back) Great gullping gulligers, Batman! Hold back for a second!

Shadow: Great gulliping gulligers? What the (bleep) does that mean? Seriously, why did I hire you?

Rouge: Because I can help you and-

Shadow: No you don't! Every movie I've ever done with you has done horribly! Meanwhile, every movie I've done without you has done great!

Knuckles: Yeah, the only purpose you serve is being Batman's bitch!

Rouge: (gets into a fight with Knuckles)

Sonic: Settle down, everyone! Now let's talk for a second-

Knuckles: I DON'T NEED TALKING!

Shadow: This meeting is getting stupider by the second…

Silver: (looking at his ring) This is so shiny…

Amy: (looking out window) When will this end? I want to go home soon-

Sonic: EVERYONE, JUST SHUT THE (bleep) UP!

Everyone: (silence)

Amy: (sighs) This group works about as well together as the crew from Sealab 2021...

-Meanwhile-

Eggman: Welcome to my Evil Council of Doom!

Commander: Didn't Marik Ishtar already do something like this?

Metal Sonic: Yes, we should try to keep an original title-

Eggman: Quiet, you!

Black Doom: This meeting seems to be faring worse than the other meeting that I just saw!

Eggman; What "other meeting"?

Black Doom: The one across from here! They had free donuts and everything!

Commander: Really? I could use some donuts right now-

Eggman: SILENCE! This is going to be our meeting!

Metal Sonic: But if you don't have any free donuts, then we're not going to be motivated.

Eggman: (pounds on table) Damn it, the point of this meeting is not for free donuts!

Commander: It isn't?! But, I thought-

Eggman: NO!

Commander: (silence)

Black Doom: I'm bored! Let's go see what those DC superheroes are up to in that meeting!

Eggman: Wait, who's in that meeting?

Black Doom: Oh yeah…the whole "sworn enemies" thing and so on. I forgot about it for a second there!

Eggman: GET THEM!

-One huge fight later-

Sonic: (getting punched) We outnumber them 2 to 1...so we're obviously getting our asses kicked by them!

Eggman: Yes! Now my dad can be proud of me!

 _i cant decide between Kool-aid and Jabba the Hut, i'm just gonna go with the fatter HAHA I SAID FATTER IT WAS LATTER WITH AN F TO MAKE FATTER hehe anyway i_  
 _choose Jabba_  
 _-Razor Da Hedgehog_

Jack: (does King Harkinian's infamously long laugh at the pun) Latter…fatter…

Eggman: Jabba the Hut? Another alien?

Cosmo: I'm going to be so angry if he turns out to be an alien…

Black Doom: So will I! He would be a disgrace to all of us aliens!

Eggman: (pouts)

 _Bill Nye!_  
 _-Dynomite 8_

Jack: Could Eggman become the next science guy?

Jill: But…he's not cool enough to be Bill Nye's son!

Eggman: (pouts)

Jack: Don't worry. I can imagine somebody singing "Ivo the Science Guy"! Though I can also imagine that show's ratings plummeting down an endless cliff…

 _Well... It's between these four._  
 _Jackattack_  
 _Fatbastard_  
 _Jabba the hutt_  
 _and the red M &M_  
 _I choose... Jabba the hutt!_  
 _-Chintara_

Eggman: (grumbles) I hate these fat jokes…

Jack: Then maybe you should lose weight!

Eggman: NEVER!

 _I vote for jackattack555 just because that would be an awesome plot twist(despite the fact that there is no actual plot). Anyway, heres some quick dares._  
 _Sonic: Make Eggman give you a (bleep) while he's tied up to a chair in the closet._  
 _Rouge: You've lost your touch with everyone (both figuratively and literally)so regain your honor by doing it non-stop with the biggest pimp in the universe... Tails._  
 _Knuckles: Go to prison. (Come up with any reason that, and I repeat, DOES NOT, involve the master emerald. And don't tell him that Jill is at the same prison, I smell a soap dropping)_  
 _Tails: Your a new superhero... PIMP MAN. To the pimp mobile! (Insert ** type verson of the Batman theme here)_  
 _Well i'll be back for more carnage._  
 _-makoncrayley_

Jack: But…he's older than me!

Tails: That didn't stop you from putting me on the list!

Jack: Shut up, Tails!

Sonic: Ewww…

Eggman: At least you're not the one who has to give it! (throws up at thought)

Sonic: (takes Eggman, chair, and rope into closet) I'm going to have to take a long shower after this!

Tails: (brings out pimpmobile) Get in, bitches!

Rouge: Non-stop? He'd better pay a lot for this…(heads into car as it drives off)

Knuckles: I shall stalk you to the end of days!

Jill: (punches Knuckles) Get away from me!

Cops: That's assault! You're both going to jail!

-One rape involving soap later-

Jack: More carnage is always fun!

 _Ronald McDonald sounds like it!_  
 _Dares:_  
 _Silver Sonic and Shadow: Shadow and Silver must be painted blue, and all 3 must be chained by the leg together, while Amy tries to get all of them!_  
 _Sonic: So…why'd you put you're arm around the lady of the lake in Sonic and the Black knight hmm! Was it because you missed Amy secretly?_  
 _Caliburn: Let's see who's more powerful. You get to battle Shadow (he uses his guns only)!_  
 _Sonic: Oh no! The Pokemon Shaymin is bragging about being the best video game hedgehog in the world in the anti Sonic fan crowd! Go over there and teach him/her a lesson! (tell him it's the Metal Sonic fans, because we all know he's not as gullible as Knuckles!)_  
 _Knuckles: vs. Sir Gawian from Black Knight_  
 _Iblis and Dark Gaia: Battle to the death_  
 _-Tecky-Tessi_

Jack: HA! Eggman's dad might be a clown!

Jill: But…he's not funny!

Eggman: (walks off depressed)

Jill: (dumps blue paint on Silver and Shadow)

Shadow: NO! That damn fan girl's already got enough troubles distinguishing us without us being the same color!

Jack: (chains the Three Stooges-I mean hedgehogs together)

Jill: They ARE like the Three Stooges! Shadow is Moe, Silver is Larry, and Sonic is Curly!

Sonic: I'm not Curly! Nyeck-nyeck-nyeck!

Amy: YAY! But…which one is my bishie?

Jack: That's for you to figure out!

Amy: Aw (bleep) it! I'll just take all three in to guarantee I get Sonic! (drags the three screaming hedgehogs into a closet)

-Later-

Sonic: (fetal position) She figured out who I was…

Shadow: (laughing) It was because he had the smallest (bleep)!

Jack: I wouldn't be laughing if I were you. Just think about how close you were to being raped by Amy!

Shadow: (gulps)

Sonic: (jumps up) NO! You think I'd miss that? (points to closet and Amy)

Jill: Then why did you put your arm around her!

Jack: I got it! Maybe Sonic secretly LIKES getting raped!

Sonic: WHAT?!

Jill: (grins) Yeah! Let's spread that around the fan base so everyone will try raping him!

Sonic: NOOOOOOO!

Caliburn: Fine. He'd better be more impressive than the knave!

Shadow: (pulls out a gun on each finger) Let's get him, girls!

Caliburn:…Oh my!

Shadow: You first, Katie! (shoots Caliburn)

Caliburn: AH! Those bullets are denting my steel!

Shadow: Good! Now Jennie can have fun with you! (shoots Caliburn with another gun)

Jack: Man, this is almost as bad as the insults Shaymin has been shouting at Sonic!

Sonic: What insults?

Jill: Not much…just that he's a better video game hedgehog!

Sonic: WHAT?! That green bastard is dead!

Scourge: A green hedgehog? But…I'm green!

Sonic: I'll kill you after him!

Jack: Well, Shaymin's bragging about his abilities to the Metal Sonic fan crowd right now!

Sonic: (follows his stupid, egotistical instincts)

Jill: Wow…there goes Sonic's arm!

Jack: I think I see his head being thrown around…WHOA! They're skull(bleep)ing him!

Knuckles: I get to fight a knight?

Jack: Yes…yourself! (hands Knuckles a sword)

Knuckles: Die, villainous cur! (stabs self) For the kingdom…(dies)

-A couple of revivals later-

Jill: (shouts) GODFIGHT! Place your bets!

Mephiles: (randomly punches Elise)

Elise: Owww…(cries out Iblis)

Dark Gaia: (rises out of ground)

Janitor: Damn kids…with their ultimate battles between deities! (plays "Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny" in background)

Jack: YES! The perfect song for this fight!

Iblis: (shoots fire at Dark Gaia)

Dark Gaia: (creates an earthquake, sinks Iblis into the ground)

Mephiles: NOOO!

Chip: Ha! My other half can beat your other half!

Mephiles: And that is why I hate you!

 _Eggman's dad? i think the Giant Kool-Aid Pitcher, I was going to say King Radical from Dr. McNinja, but Eggman is not radical. King Radical is the most radical man in the radical land (look up Dr. McNinja on Google). Anyway some dares._  
 _Silver: who is you mom and dad?_  
 _Amy: Tell sonic you hate him, if you don't (or dont do it right to jack's happiness) you have to go in the closet with eggman! ha ha!_  
 _Sonic: become emo!_  
 _Shadow: Become a happy person! no being mad! at all!_  
 _Big: Why are you so stupid?_  
 _Black Doom: How did you get you name? it is so lame!_  
 _Jack: how are you so funny?!_  
 _Thats all!_  
 _PS This is my favorite FanFic! Thanks ^^!_  
 _-Shadows-Girl95_

Jack: I like that vote! Eggman does have a tendency to destroy other people's property!

Silver: I don't know! I've spent pretty much all of my life that I can remember with Blaze!

Jack: Who, may I mention, you DIDN'T do it with!

Jill: Yeah, Silver!

Silver: (walks of depressed)

Jack: The discussion of Silver's parents can be a discussion for another day, with another fic! I'm thinking Xandir from Drawn Together!

Amy: Sonic, I-I hate you! There, I said it!

Jack: Normally, I'd send her to the closet with Eggman anyways to make her suffer…but that would just make Eggman happy! Damn it!

Jill: AUTHORESS POWERS! (has Sonic and Shadow switch personalities)

Sonic: Dman it, where did the razor blades go?

Jack: Oh…I was planning to butcher you guys with them, but I guess you can use it to butcher yourself!

Sonic: (takes blades) Thanks!

Shadow: Remember, everyone: Just smile!

Jill: (shoots Shadow) Stop using that annoying catchphrase from Sonic 06!

Big: Uhhh…when did I…uhhh…

Jack: Mental retardation usually occurs as a result of certain genes mixing together as a baby is formed! I can't say it any less medically then that…

Black Doom: How dare you allege that it's lame! I am so not lame!

Jill: But your name's a giant (bleep)ing cliché!

Jack: Most villains actually have genuine motives for their destructive behaviors, and don't like to think of themselves as evil! But you just parade it around!

Black Doom: I'll have you know that I'm completely original!

Jill: Tell that to the Star Wars fans, Lord Vader!

Black Doom: Shut up! I was born with this name and guise!

Jack: I like that last question! I honestly don't think of myself as too funny, but a lot of people seem to like this fic! The biggest reason why I've done so well is probably because I just exposed myself to tons of comedy throughout my life! I watch funny TV shows and movies, I read funny books, and I look at funny things online (such as humor fics or abridged series')! After seeing enough comedy, I've learned how to apply the jokes I've encountered to new scenarios!

Jill: And the new scenarios would include using them on the Sonic cast!

Jack: Wow…this is really your favorite?

 _I vote for fat bastard._  
 _-L_

Jill: OMG! L himself?

Jack: I doubt it. He died-

Jill: DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT! (runs off screaming)

Jack: Damn fangirlness…

Eggman: Fat bastard? So I could be Scottish?

Jack: Aye, laddy! And you would like to eat small people!

-After Jill gets her senses back-

Jill: Fine…let's…move on!

 _i think the pilsbery dough boy_  
 _-h_

Jack: That's an okay new suggestion!

Jill: But…he's not really evil!

Jack: What are you talking about?! He's completely evil! We all know that he just secretly hides his evil desires…

Jill: OH! So in that sense, he's just like the Teletubbies or Elmo!

Jack: Precisely!

 _YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I'D COME HERE! Well, people keep saying my anonymous reviews don't count, so I'm gonna have to go back to all the ones I reviewewed anonymously. Here goes nothing! Plus, I'm gonna go with Jabba the Hut as Eggman's father. I don't know why, though..._  
 _Sonic:Run around the planet in the opposite direction it's spinning, therefore making the rotation stop and time freeze momentarily. Then, do what you want. If you fail, YOU WILL DIE!_  
 _Silver:Did anyone know that this guy was origionally supposed to be ORANGE?! Silver, you have to make your white-gray fur orange for four chapters. You shall be called Orange until they are over._  
 _Rouge:I don't really like you, so I want your orst enemy to kill you five times in the most painful way possible for the current chapter. DIE!_  
 _Blaze:I actually have a question for you. If you could swim in the olympic games, how come you can't swim anymore? Did you mutate?_  
 _Umm...I guess that's all! Now, to find more of these! I read like, all of the ones I come across. I actually have yet to find Super Dragon's fic...TIME TO GO! Keep on writing!_  
 _-somepersonoutthere_

Jill: Jabba's in the lead so far!

Sonic: Me? Being Superman? Again in this chapter? (zooms off)

-One time paradox later-

Sonic: (knocking over frozen people) Cool! This is just like that one Simpsons Halloween special…and just like in there, everyone wants to kill me too! Now…I shall finally outdo Tails in becoming the World's Greatest Pimp!

-Later-

Tails: (looks around) Where did my hos go?

Silver: (puts orange paint on himself) Why do I feel like…I'm home?

Fan girls: (burn their Silver plushies, start buying Orange plushies)

Jill: (starts killing Rouge) Bat…the Other White Meat!

Blaze: I did NOT mutate!

Jack: We just tortured her so much, that she went back to her instincts and became afraid of water! We could probably force her to learn swimming again!

Blaze: (scoots away from Jack)

Jill: Super Dragon really does need to update…

 _Its so Dedede_  
 _And I have one HUGE dare; HUGE enough to require a new fanfiction!_  
 _Everyone: put on...MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL_  
 _You can choose the cast...but Tails has to play Galahad, the Pure{as in, no sex...EVAH[sorry Tails, no sex here!]}!_  
 _-Arctic Butcher_

Eggman: If my dad is Dedede…will I get to kill Kirby?

Jack: Sure! That would actually be funny to watch!

Jill: Especially when Kirby pukes upon swallowing Eggman!

Eggman: (pouts again)

Jack: YES! What a great movie!

Tails: NOOOOOO! First I lose all of my hos, now this?

Jill: Damn! We have too many time constraints to do the whole movie…but people can just watch it for themselves!

Jack: We'll just do the Galahad story, since we want Tails to suffer!

-At Castle Anthrax-

Tails: (charges through the front doors) I must find this cup! It's almost as exciting as finding rocks!

Sonic: (shouts in background) The Chaos Emeralds aren't a bunch of rocks, damn it! (gets shot by Jack)

Cream: Sorry, but I'm afraid your grail is in another castle. (I knew I could fit a Mario reference in there!)

Tails: Aw man! This sucks for me!

Cosmo: We should be spanked for holding that fake grail image on top of our castle!

Cream: Please, stay at our chambers for a while!

Cosmo: Yes, you must punish us in a way that satisfies you!

Tails: Hooray! Now, where do we start-

Shadow: (barges in, drags off Tails) You fool! You nearly got some!

Tails: But…what if I wanna?

Shadow: Too bad! You just got (bleep)blocked…knight style!

-After the movie-

 _a chance to actually get a review in for the next chapter? I've got to use this... Wow, those are some good choices you got their, it was almost hard to choose. Lol, the idea of Ronald McDonald or king dedede sent me into a laughing fit. I also liked the red M &M as well. Still, I think that doctor evil is Eggman's father; for one thing both of them are rip of bond villains and it would be so hilarious how he has to deal with Scott... _  
_Oh, and while I'm here i think I'll add a few dares as this might be the only chance i get for a while. I won't add to many though, your going to have your going to be busy with everyone else's reviews. you might have to actually do this in two chapters if there to much..._  
 _Shadow; I have decided that I want to try torturing someone so your going to be thrown into the PBS studio with all the charactes like teletubies and dora the explora. Oh, and here the catch; you can't hurt them, kill yourself or die, go insane or anything that you usually would do. And you have to help them as well. for the next 100 years. have fun._  
 _Vector: marry that crocodile from the swamp in sonic heroes, the white jungle._  
 _Chaotix: since your team attack was your bad music you have to do that to the fangirls around the stage. You might actually get enough money to pay the bills for once if you succeed._  
 _tails: you remember those feminist fangirls that I set on you last time? well, now you have to pretend to be one of them._  
 _rouge: go out and get break the guineas world record for the most prostitutes having sex. on stage, in front of everyone. You have to pay them. Also, after this from now you'll have to pay the people you have sex with from now for the rest of this story._  
 _and finally... sonic shall be crushed by the giant foot from Monty python._  
 _-Lightning Master_

Jack: This person's right…Scott would be Eggman's brother!

Jill: How do we stop Shadow from going insane in there?

Jack: Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of pills! (sends a whole pharmacy into the PBS studio)

-Many pills later-

Shadow: Welcome, everyone! This is Shadow's Super Happy Fun Hour! (takes a pill) Today, we're going to teach you how to use numbers around you (takes another pill) and how to pronounce letters correctly! Plus, we'll (takes another pill) have a jam with our fun music session! Lastly, we'll head (takes another pill) over to the arts and crafts table and build mini houses (takes three more pills) out of toothpicks! (takes a bucket full of pills)

-Back on stage-

Jack: That show is so educational! Especially when Shadow teaches them how to count the number of pills he's taking!

Vector: (heads out to the jungle) Here, crocky crocky…I'm ready for us to go out on a dinner!

Croc: (jumps out of water, roars)

Vector: So you want ME for dinner, huh? Well, if you want me so much, why don't you just marry me?

Croc: (drags off Vector, marries its dinner)

Jack: Now you don't have to wonder what's for dinner!

Eggman: For the last time, my dad's not King Harkinian!

Jill: We'll see about that…

Espio: I know just how to create music that will scare everyone! (puts a microphone in front of Charmy's mouth)

Jill: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! That'll kill us all!

Charmy: Umm…hi everyone!

Jack: (rolls over on ground) AHHHHH! The music is horrifying! Make it stop!

Charmy: Do you guys like sugar? I love sugar! I can eat it, and then fly around, and-

Fan girls: (disappear)

Jill: Charmy's voice is the most horrifying music heard on this planet!

Tails: But everyone knows I'm a guy!

Jack: So you have to do what you usually do…cross-dress!

Tails: (puts on dress and makeup) This is a pile of crap! Can't they just kill me?

Jill: Nope. But you shouldn't have too much of a problem cross-dressing…after all, you already did it on one of the old TV shows! (shoves Tails into fan girls)

Rouge: Well, that's a pretty specific record to break…but it'll be easy! (summons her whorehouse-I mean, nightclub) LET'S GO!

Jack: We can't have her pay throughout the entire story, but we can do that for this chapter!

Fan boys: (horniness reaching dangerous levels)

Sonic: This day is awesome! If I continue to be lucky, maybe I'll-(gets crushed by the almighty foot)

Jill: Yeah…never mind about his luck!

 _Who Eggman's father is? M...its a tie between the giant kool-aid pitcher and jackattack555. Haha, just joking about it being jackattack555, it was funny at the moment. Time for dares._  
 _Sonic: tell the fan girls that you will never settle on a girl and if you did it wouldn't be their sueish recolors. Watch them tear sonic to peices!_  
 _Jack: I demand to see unused characters, like Honey, Tiara, Ray, Mighty, and the like, in this fanfic. ...Well, its not a demand, its a dare..._  
 _Amy: i think that you could have been a good character if they hadn't made you an obsessive fangirl, and perhaps simply devolped your original design. For that, you will be your sonic CD form for the rest of the chapter._  
 _Cream: you are hypnotized into thinking you are still six. Cosmo and Marine want to be your friends, so go make them be your friends...or whatever...after you suceed, or die trying, you are no longer hypnotized and get to do what you wish with tails/whoever you want._  
 _Cosmo: didnt you turn into a tree at the end of sonic X? you are in that form now._  
 _Blaze: Look! A tree(cosmo) to pratice your aim! shoot fireballs at the tree till it goes up in smoke. then go to the closet with silver._  
 _Amy: Sonic(who should be revived by now) said that he dosent like you! smash him with your hammer, then get payback by sleeping with knuckles._  
 _I guess thats it..._  
 _-Im bored_

Jill: So…I guess that's a vote for the Kool-Aid man!

Sonic: (gets up, then walks in front of the stage with a microphone) Let's do a Seinfeld-like rant! You know those romance fics with those OCs that are apparently perfect in every way? Yeah, I think they're called Mary-Sues. Anyways, I want fan girls out there to get this straight: I DO NOT LIKE THOSE CHARACTERS! They're too unrealistic, and I'm not going to like someone who's completely fake! (dodges tomatoes) Hey, stop throwing things! (dodges wrenches) Okay, now you're getting scary! (dodges atomic bombs)

Jill: You can't dodge an atomic bomb!

Sonic: Oh. AHHHHH! (gets blown up)

-One typical clean-up later-

Jack: Fine, they can be dared!

Jill: But…Tiara never became a real character, and Honey is only in that Sonic the Fighters as a result of two different people choosing the same character!

Jack: Whatever…(looks on computer, then laughs) Are you serious? Tiara's last name is Boobowski? What the (bleep) was SEGA on when they thought of this?

Amy: (suddenly gets electrified) AH! It's those damn hackers again! (turns into her Sonic CD form) Why is my hair so spiky?

Jill: Who knows? It still doesn't stop you from being annoying! (hypnotizes Cream) Think like Tea from Yugioh: Abridged…

Cream: (walks up trance-like to Cosmo and Marine) Friendship…must make friends…

Marine: OY! She's become one a' them zombies!

Cosmo: Let's kill her together! (shoots Cream)

-One revival later-

Cream: Where did he go? (notices the fan girl crowd beating him mercilessly) Oh…

Cosmo: (get turned into her mini tree form by hackers)

Blaze: But…I don't like burning things too much!

Jack: Quiet, you stupid pyro!

Blaze: (prepares fireballs) I…AM NOT…A PYRO! (blasts Cosmo to bits)

Jill: (back away from Blaze) Whoa.

Blaze: Let's go, Silver! (drags Silver into closet)

Amy: But…why would he say that!

Jack: Because of what you said about him earlier!

Amy: How dare he feel bad about my abusing him! I shall solve this problem by abusing him more! (hits Sonic right in the face, then approaches Knuckles) I found the Master Emerald inside the closet!

Knuckles: Really? I knew I had lost it somewhere during my jail time…(runs into closet)

Amy: (slams door behind Knuckles, begins the horror)

Sonic: Man, that poor echidna…

 _the dad is...jackattack555! -starts dying laughing- I couldn't resist!_  
 _Shadow: teach Silver how to be a popular bishie_  
 _Blaze: make out with the new and improved Silver_  
 _Sonic: get jealous of Silver for making out with Blaze_  
 _Amy: become an anti-fangirl AKA a normal non-obbsesive girl. refuse...and you have to make out with Mephy._  
 _Mephiles: your new name for this chapter is Philly Cheese Steak! or Philly for short._  
 _Silver: use your new skills to defeat Tails in an all out pimp battle! Winner gets to be the new "Pimp of the Stage"!_  
 _Rouge: Read this and pronounce it correctly: fsdhajoitoignogineaoigel...u will get tossed to the jealous fangirls every time u miss pronounce it! HA!_  
 _Espio: Use your ninja moves to kill Philly._  
 _Eggman: get ur butt kicked by the Mario bros_  
 _Cream: go hang out with team Star Fox for the chapter_  
 _Cosmo: go hang out with team Star Wolf_  
 _Cream & Cosmo: Fight to the death in space!_  
 _Knuckles: Vaporize both of them with the canon on Space Colony ARK_  
 _Tails: after u loose to Silver stupidly, go back to being a normal, non-speaking fox. except, be a carnivore._  
 _I think that's all for now...See Ya! fyi...you're on ch.78 now_  
 _-Starla the Hedgehog_

Jack: Damn it…

Shadow: I think I can do that…

-At training grounds-

Orange: Where do we start?

Shadow: First, you need to learn how to actually fight! Then we can work on that voice and haircut…

Orange: HEY! I like this haircut!

Shadow: Then you like not being a bishie?

Orange: (sighs) Fine. Teach me well!

Shadow: Good! We shall do that through a song training montage! (starts singing a version of "Make A Man Out Of You") Let's get down to business! To control…the fan girls!

Orange: But I don't think they like me!

Shadow: They think…you're gay! You're the saddest runt I ever met! But you can bet, before we're through…Orange, I'll…make a bishie…out of you!

-One Mulan rip-off later-

Orange: Hey, everyone!

Jill: Whoa…his hair is slicked down! And his voice deepened!

Jack: It's like he somehow hit puberty!

Orange: Now who should I make out with first?

Fan girls: (swarm over Orange)

Blaze: (incinerates fan girl crowd) I want the new bishie! (makes out with him)

Sonic: Why would I be jealous?…Oh wait, she's the chick with the hot legs! DAMN!

Amy: (heads out of closet) I'll never give up Sonic!

Jill: You know what to do, Mephy!

Mephiles: STOP CALLING ME MEPHY!

Jack: Fine, Philly!

Mephiles: (growls, then makes out with Amy)

Orange: Chaos Control! (kicks Tails from behind)

Jack: Cool! Just like Sonic 06!

Tails: (grumbles) I escaped those fan girls for this? (gets hacked into being a normal fox)

Jill: Wow…those hackers are really active today!

Tails: ROAR! (runs off to find the nearest butcher shop)

Rouge: Easy! (pronounces it perfectly)

Jill: WHAT?! That's bull! How can you pronounce that perfectly?

Rouge: I'm good at pronunciation! I had to learn a lot of languages as a spy!

Espio: (comparing weapons) Hmm…which should I use?

Jack: Wow…you have almost as many weapons as Shadow!

Espio: I know! I'll just use that poison from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon! (fires at Philly)

Philly: (falls over)

-In the Mushroom Kingdom-

Mario: Who is that?

Luigi: I don't know, but he looks like you!

Eggman: Are you my daddy?

Mario:…NO! What are you talking about?

Eggman: Are you sure? Because I'm trying to find him!

Mario: This guy's annoying me! What do you say we kick his ass?

Luigi: (grabs Eggman) You get him first! Then we'll go out and eat lotsa spaghetti!

Mario: (starts punching Eggman)

-In space-

Fox: We've already got Peppy! Why do we need another rabbit?

Falco: I don't know! I don't like this at all…

Cream: I'm useful! I can kill people with my screaming!

Fox: We'll let you know when we need that-(the ship gets hit) WHAT?!

-On Wolf's ship-

Cosmo: THAT BITCH SHALL DIE! I killed her as a zombie, and now I shall destroy her again! (continues firing at Fox's ship)

Wolf: (sighs) Just let her continue…there's no stopping her now!

-On Fox's ship-

Falco: It's no use. We can't move the ship now!

Fox: (notices Wolf's ship attaching to theirs) Then we'll just have to fight! (grabs gun and runs off)

-Later-

Cosmo: (heading down a hallway) Now where is she?

Cream: (approaches Cosmo with a drawn lightsaber) I've been waiting for you,

Cosmo! We meet again at last! The circle is now complete! When I left you, I was but a zombie who you shot the head off of! Now I am the head-remover!

Cosmo: Only a head-remover of evil, Cream! (starts the epic Star Wars fight)

-One Cosmo head-chopping later-

Cream: I WIN! I'm the best at getting Tails-(BOOM)

-On the Space Colony ARK-

Knuckles: (looks at the wreckage of the two ships) So that's what that button does! Cool!

-Back on stage-

 _you watched the austin powers movies . nice . anyways i vote for fat bastard_  
 _-the rocker shad_

Jack: Oh yeah! The Austin Powers movies rock!

Jill: I'm excited for that fourth one…though it's mostly going to be about Doctor Evil!

Jack: Are you kidding me?! Doctor Evil is my favorite character on there! I'm REALLY excited because of that!

Jill: Well, I guess that movie could do well…

Eggman: Fat Bastard again? But…I'm not Scottish!

Jack: How do you know? I could definitely see you wearing a kilt…

 _Hello! My first reveiw on this fic... even though i've read it all._  
 _I think... The red M &M! Wouldn't that be silly?_  
 _If Shadow or Espio agrees, throw them to the fangirls where a 13-year-old chameleon who happens to have turned the same color as Shadow, gets them._  
 _-Shadowgirl2.0_

Eggman: I'm descended from candy? Awesome!

Shadow: That would be hilarious! (faces fan girls)

Espio: That would make my day! (also faces fan girls)

Jill: But now that you say it, Eggman does look like a candymaker!

 _damn... tis a tossup. It's between Fat Bastard, Dedede, and Kool-aid Man...and there isn't a freakin three sided coin! Time to flip a Bishie! *grabs Sonic and hurls him in the air. Lands Face down in a fan girl forest* I think its tails... no wait a minute... it's face. That means the Father is Dedede!_  
 _-dark leader omega_

Jack: Three bishies tossed to the fan girls in a few seconds? Cool!

Sonic: AHHHHH! (also faces fan girls)

Eggman: If I have to, I can live with using a hammer and trying to get that Kirby!

 _shadow is the ultimate life form and will be given an infinite amount of guns to crazy whith also im giving his own persoenal army of shadow clones to destroy you all and shadow you now have unlimited power at his disposal so have fun THIS IS SPARTA and i vote jabba the hutt mwa hahahahaha (shoots sonic constantly whith a halo gun)_  
 _-chaos master_

Jill: Another one for Jabba!

Shadow: (takes weapons) This sounds worthy of a Tenacious D song! (starts fighting everyone while singing) With karate I'll kick your ass, from here to Tiananmen Square…

-One gigantic fight scene later-

Shadow: (still singing) You mother(bleep)a…you mother(bleep)a…

Everyone: (massacred, then revived)

Sonic: Stop shooting us, all right? (gets filled with laser holes from a halo gun)

Jack: Cool! He looks like Swiss cheese!

 _Wilford Brimley._  
 _Dares:_  
 _Sonic: Join the Taliban._  
 _Tails: Join the IRA._  
 _Both: Reenact the IRA vs Taliban episode of Deadliest Warrior (Tails and Sonic being the last 2 left at the end)_  
 _Knuckles: Attempt to type on a keyboard._  
 _Yaoi fanpeople: Suffer at the hands of Tails' pimp empire._  
 _Shadow: Paint yourself pink and purple._  
 _Eggman: Every time you speak, everyone yells "SHUT UP,FATTY-FAT-FATTY-FAT-FATS"_  
 _Amy: Paint herself blue, and look in the mirror._  
 _Cream: Inhale EVEN MORE helium._  
 _-Death_

Eggman: But, that would mean…

Jill: Yes. You could be at risk for dia-beet-us!

Eggman: NOOOOOO!

-In a nearby parking lot-

Tails: (back to normal) Aw, come on! Why are my guys doing so bad?

Sonic: (roasts one with a flamethrower) They're easy to burn!

Tails: (dodges a rocket, runs) HA! One of your guys just blew up another!

Sonic: (bleep)! Why are my guys suddenly becoming idiots?

Tails: (stabs second-to-last guy) Time for that awesome final showdown…

Sonic: (chases Tails onto a parked bus) Why are you heading out the other door? This feels like Benny Hill-(gets killed by a bomb)

-Back on stage-

Knuckles: Cool! Can I type this fic?

Jill: Sure, my bishie! (glomps him)

Jack: We're all doomed…

sO Tayles sehnt owT hiz arhmee oF hoze aNd thay atackd thuh yowee phan grLs-

Jack: (grabs keyboard) Oh, stop it!

Knuckles: (walks off pouting)

Tails: (watches the carnage and laughs)

Jill: (gives the paint to Shadow and Amy) Now let's begin the creative project of body painting!

Shadow: I know how to do it perfectly! (dumps the blue paint over Amy's head)

Amy: (looks at mirror) Whoa…I like this!

Jack: How dare you make her happy! You shall suffer, Shadow! (puts the pink and purple on Shadow)

Shadow: You (bleep)ing hosts…I like pissing others off!

Jill: And that's what we want you to do more often!

Shadow: AUGH! I look ridiculous!

Jack: I never thought I'd say this, but it seems that Orange has more fan girls than Shadow at this exact moment!

Cream: (swallows a giant balloon) Are you sure this is safe?

Jill: No. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's extremely harmful!

Cream: (starts floating) Guys…um, I think I'm going to burst-(POP)

Jack: Oh no! We have to cut down on the randomness…or else risk accidentally becoming an episode of Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo!

 _The answer is clear. Eggman's father is obviously... Gerald Robotnik's SON!_  
 _I vote for Gerald Robotnik's son!_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Jill: Logically, that makes perfect sense!

Jack: Now the question is…who is Gerald Robotnik's son?

 _I vote..._  
 _King Dedede!_  
 _-(Insert Name Here)_

Eggman: Someday…I can control an army of Waddle Dees! Or robots! Or maybe Robot Waddle Dees!

Jill: SHUT UP, FATTY-FAT-FATTY-FAT-FATS! I wouldn't like that to be my father…

Eggman: Why not?

Jack: SHUT UP, FATTY-FAT-FATTY-FAT-FATS! Think about it! He's a (bleep)ing penguin!

 _Alright Jack its time for me to think of someone better... hm... Aha! Nappa from DBZ abridged! Perfect!1!1!_  
 _-GrapeSodaToday_

Jack: Nice! I love Dragonball Z: Abridged! It's tied with Yugioh: Abridged as my favorite of all!

Jill: Well, Nappa's definitely evil enough…and he's got the baldness with the mustache! Not to mention the annoying voice! The only flaw is his stupidity…

Eggman: But…he's dead, isn't he?

Jack: SHUT UP, FATTY-FAT-FATTY-FAT-FATS! Haven't you heard of Ghost Nappa? He just showed up recently in that abridged series!

Jill: (hears the Ghostbusters theme) That guy's showing up everywhere!

Jack: GHOST NAPPA!

Jill: And now we shall get to some really interesting theories about Eggman's father!

 _I've got it! It's...himself! He had "relations" with his mother in the past! And you know what that means...TIME PARADOX! Sonic! Shadow! Silver! It's all up to you to stop it from destroying the fabric of reality as we know it! And if you win you can a "Get Out" pass that works on any dare but only once so choose carefully..._  
 _(P.S. I got the idea from a Futurama episode, guess which one and win a prize!)_  
 _(P.S.S. Cookies for all! Yays! And now to await for my other dares to finally arrive...back to my Sonic Adventure 3 fic I go!)_  
 _Your friend,_  
 _Kid Anime_

Jill: I know that! It's the Roswell episode! (takes cookies and runs)

Eggman: EW! Why would I sleep with my mother?

Jack: SHUT UP, FATTY-FAT-FATTY-FAT-FATS! I can't imagine anyone else putting out for you!

Sonic: Time paradoxes always know how to piss me off!

Jack: Just go and try to resolve it! (sends the three bishies to the past)

-In the past-

Orange: Are you sure I can do this?

Sonic: Of course! You've had practice with this whole Terminator rip-off thing before in Sonic 06! I still hate you for that!

Shadow: There he is! (stabs Eggman with a Chaos Spear)

Sonic: That was…easy! (fabric of universe still rips) WHAT?!

Jack: Damn it, we made another paradox by resolving that! By stopping Eggman from being born, there's no reason for you to go to the past! But if you don't go to the past,

Eggman is born! And so an additional paradox is made…

Jill: SHUT UP, FATTY-FAT-FATTY-FAT-FATS!(repairs everything) Man, you guys suck!

 _this doesent have dares in it but it does have a suggestion for eggmans father... dr ivo robotnik from the adventures of sonic the headghog! ( boy are I smart =D)_  
 _-shadowwraith10_

Eggman: But…that's me!

Jack: SHUT UP, FATTY-FAT-FATTY-FAT-FATS! We already just went over that in the last review!

Jill: Besides, I don't think Eggman would want to remember the days of his horrible acting in that series-OH WAIT, that's still going on today!

 _*holds up fusion gun* ALL OF THEM!_  
 _-Bolt the Wolf_

All of the potential fathers: (start combining)

Jill: Run everyone! This mixture is probably going to be very deadly! All of those villains…

Mixture: Hello, fools! Now I shall be your most stereotypical villain by trying to kill you all! (crashes through a wall) Whoops! Kool-Aid man's still fighting in there!

Jill: BORING!

Mixture: Shut the bork up!

Sonic: Dude…we could seriously kick your ass right now and have lots of fun with it!

Mixture: (gets angry) COLONEL HOGAN-I mean, Sonic!

Eggman: You can't be my father…you just can't!

Mixture: SHUT UP, FATTY-FAT-FATTY-FAT-FATS! I dominate over all! Though for some reason I have a craving for strudel…

Jill: That's the Sergeant Schultz in you! (splits them back up)

Jack: I hated that fusion! I never imagined myself becoming fat for a few seconds!

 _lol great story_  
 _i vote that jackattack555 is the dad._  
 _now for my dare_  
 _amy: (inserts cruxis crystal in her hand) make her go though each stage of becoming an angel from tails of symphonia in the most painful way you can imagine (and make each stage happen imedeatly after the last stage is done torchering her)_

Jack: Wow…I'm getting up there in votes!

Amy: (looks at crystal in hand) Shiny…AHHHHH!

Jack: Sweet! We get to deprive her of sleep, then starve her, then make her not speak, and then she has to give up her heart and memories!

Amy: What?! So…no Sonic?

Jill: Yep! No more bishies for you!

Amy: (pouts)

-Many trials later-

Amy: (gives a blank stare around the stage)

Jill: She's succeeded at becoming an angel…but she looks really dull!

Jack: It's almost like looking at Keanu Reeves' acting in the Matrix!

Jill: What are you talking about?

Jack: Haven't you SEEN some of that acting! In Trinity's death scene, (whoops! A little late for a spoiler alert…)he doesn't even cry or show any emotion that would be identified as grieving sadness!

Amy: What is this stage for? (flies around)

Eggman: But if she's not annoying…that would make me the most annoying character! (shoots Amy) Go back to your low ranking!

Everyone: SHUT UP, FATTY-FAT-FATTY-FAT-FATS!

Amy: (revived and back to normal) I'll never leave you again, bishie! (super-glomps Sonic)

Jill: Let's look at the next couple of votes…

 _I vote for jackattack555! XD_  
 _-Pokelad_

 _I'd say you._  
 _-TARDISreviewer_

Jack: NOOO! Those votes put me in the lead!

 _woo i got 3 reviews in one chapter. anyway i vote that jackattack555 is robotnicks father also, jack you are going to hate me for this but i dare you to makeout with charmy. while he has a sugar high. and is on at LEAST 3 different hallucianogens. and you arent allowed to author power you way out of it. and you have to ENJOY it._  
 _oh and chip and charmy have to mate and produce offspring. which you cant get rid of for a chapter._  
 _and tell big that the tailsdoll killed froggy and watch the fight to the death. and while im at it switch knuckles and rouges gender for a chapter. and vector and vanilla's. and blaze and silver's(silver will enjoy tht)and make sonic eat chaos so he grows all those bits of chaos like froggy did in sonic adventure. and make eggman crossdress. and then have metal sonic and omega mate and produce offspring (and i dont mean BUILD it either (make metal sonic the mummy) sorry about the disjopinted state of this review but i kept thinking of betterways to make people suffer. speaking of which: jill it was either you or the original jill that believed in the tailsdoll but i care not either way. you are to be the father of the tails doll's demon plushie offspring (thats right the FATHER *flys off to the song of storms (the song for ocarina of time/majoras mask)which causes jack to bestruck by lightning aswell as everyone esle in a ten foot radius*_  
 _-Lordlyhour_

Jack:…Damn it! Just hypnotize me already so I can escape thinking about this…

Jill: (hypnotizes Jack) Now bring all of the drugs you can, Shadow!

Tails: But I've got plenty right here! (hands over enough drugs to fill many Miami warehouses for years to come)

Charmy: (takes said drugs) Birdies! Hot chicks! Fires! Rap! Desk!

Jill: Just go already, you two lovebirds…(throws Charmy to Jack)

Chip: (rolling over on the floor) Why does my stomach not feel good every time I eat too much chocolate?

Jill: You've just learned about food poisoning! (summons yaoi fan girls)

Yaoi fan girls: (grab Charmy out of his makeout session, drag him and Chip into closet)

Jack: What an abomination of annoyance!

Jill: Sorry, but we'll just give the kids to the fan girls…we're not taking those OCs, and I don't think we would want to anyways!

Jack: Especially because of who the parents are!

Big: (charges at Tails Doll) Uhhh…You look as cuddly as Froggy! You'll have to replace him!

Tails Doll: Move another step and your soul shall face the burning pain of being turned inside out.

Big: (glomps the Tails Doll) NEW FROGGY!

Tails Doll: (draws out a grim reaper scythe, stabs Big)

Big: Uhhh…that tickles!

Tails Doll: Curses.

Jill: (uses powers to begin the gender switching)

Knuckles: (looks down at self) How can I be a chick? If I don't have a bunch of raging, uncontrolled testosterone, what do I have?

Jack: He's kind of right on that one…

Vector: (looking down at self) This…is a bad situation for Team Chaotix!

Vanilla: I'll fix it up! (takes Vector to closet)

Blaze: Stop screwing around with my gender!

Rouge: I've already faced this about a million times!

Orange: I don't enjoy that! Though these nipples do kind of feel good…WHOA, THAT'S NICE!

Jack: Now let's (bleep) around with biology! (cuts off Chaos' tail, shoves it into Sonic's mouth)

Sonic: (instantly grows a huge tail)

Orange: And there goes my nipples…(a line from perhaps the funniest episode of Sealab 2021 ever made!(the one where they talk about becoming robots))

Eggman: (puts on a dress) I'm tired of this cross-gender stuff!

Jack: SHUT UP, FATTY-FAT-FATTY-FAT-FATS! Just one more of those left! (sends a mixture of yuri and yaoi fans to drag Jill and the Tails Doll into another closet)

-One Juno and turning everyone back to normal later-

Jill: That was pretty bad! Especially when the Tails Doll's offspring started ripping out the souls of the doctors!

Jack: (hit by lightning) Oww…those stupid electrons with their stupid amps of current!

 _I vote jackattack 555!_  
 _...Cause I'm crazy!_  
 _-GameM_

Jack: Crazy, indeed! It looks like I'm the dad, though I'm a third his age! But…at least I can take all of his possessions, especially that empire! I know how to use those resources CORRECTLY for killing Sonic!

Eggman: I'll never accept you being my father!

Jill: But everyone voted for it!

Eggman: Too bad! (burns the ballot box)

Everyone: SHUT UP, FATTY-FAT-FATTY-FAT-FATS! (beats the crap out of Eggman)

Jack: Though Eggman sabotaged the results and made almost everyone's vote worthless, I still have one review left!

 _Hello, rival! I've finished one of my English projects and Science project and have submitted them today so I have more time to send in some stupid tortures for stupid anthros! Here's Joey for all the turmoil I've been causing my readers to give you my stuffs. And since it's Joey, you know that randomness is afoot:_  
 _Codename: Joseph Sandders_  
 _Wazzup, idiot! I see you're holding one of your ** contests again and this time it's for Eggman's dad! I laugh! Who really gives a damn who his dad is, anyways?! HAHAHAHAHA! But anyways, I noticed that most reviewers want YOU as the dad and I think they're AS LAME AS SONIC'S NEW GAMES ARE! If I were to make a decision on who this father might be, I'd have to obviously say a giant chicken, DUH! It's pretty obvious isn't it! This is the whole, "What came first? The egg or the chicken?" thing all over again! You're a moron! Anyways, here's a bunch of malevolent tortures for the gang of retards (try to guess which is which! I'm guessing the names are pretty obvious and some of the names are given in the dares themselves):_  
 _-Blue Rat on Steroids: You shall become the target of Shadow's new shooting gallery until he runs out of guns! During the process, you shall be dancing like a faGOAT with a gas mask on your face as you slowly die like the incompetent boob you really are!_  
 _-Emo Gun-Screwer: Keep shooting Sonic non-stop until you die from being hit by a meteor made out of butcher knives!_  
 _-Helicopter Butt: Have a fist-fight with a grizzly bear while you try to find a solution on how to nuke Jack's stage to kill off the author of this fic! The code to hack the Pentagon is "1-2-3-4-5" if you need to know!_  
 _-Dumb Red Dog: Have a monster truck fall on your face while you shave your chest in a blender!_  
 _-Flamingo Stalker: Shove that Piko Piko Hammer of yours up your rear end while it's covered in spikes, staples, nails, thorns, and maple syrup! While you're doing it, eat a donkey!_  
 _-Miles's Ho's: Since rabbits eat plants and Cream's names is Cream, I want irony to occur here. Have Cosmo eat Cream alive as you cook her in a boiling pot of whipped cream!_  
 _-Fat Bald Loser: Since you're dad IMO is a giant chicken, I order you to spend the day with Ernie the Giant Chicken (the giant chicken in Family Guy that Peter fights every once in a while) and get "accidentally" caught in between one of his fights with Peter!_  
 _-Batslut: Lock yourself inside a 1x1x1 meter glass cage and insert the key somewhere where guys would love to grab at. Jack will then shoot you out of a cannon into the middle of your fans until a random explosion happens with your body parts flying 37 thousand kilometers away from where they should be!_  
 _-Gay Marijuana-head: Be shoved into Blaze's mouth until she becomes fat and craps out seven tennis balls that you will have to shove into your eye sockets until you admit that your want to have sex with a pig!_  
 _-Blaze: After that episode, you shall vomit a whole apple to duct tape "under your tail" where an arrow will come and pierce it and go on through one hole and out another!_  
 _-Pathetic Detectives: Go to Sugar Island while on a Sugar Ship while riding over the Sugar Sea to find the lost Sugar of Captain Sugarbeard while you use a Sugar Map and come back to the stage and let Charmy loose on the people!_  
 _That will be all for now because I'm being selfish on you and not reviewing other peoples when I really should after all this time! I shall return, you dunderhead! Oh yeah, make Jill scream in Knuckles's ear until his brain starts flying out... wait a minute... What am I saying?! I forgot that HE HAS NONE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _Joseph Sandders /_  
 _That'll be all. Good luck on getting the most reviews in the Sonic category! You've already reached 1200 and you only need a few dares left! Congratulations, rival! Cheers to you and have at you this cup of poison to drink once your reach 1213 reviews (one short of the big one!) so that you can die and I can heckle! Peace!_  
 _JSandders, out..._

Jack: I like it! That vote makes perfect sense!

Jill: Since he's a giant egg, he would come from a giant chicken!

Eggman: So…I'm from a giant chicken? (bleep)!

Everyone: SHUT UP, FATTY-FAT-FATTY-FAT-FATS!

Sonic: (puts on gas mask) I'm not incompetent!

Shadow: Then why do you have to always wind up having to turn into your super form to save the day? (shoots at Sonic with glee)

Sonic: OW! This is almost as bad as that laser gun earlier..(dies)

Shadow: My ultimate hotness rules yet again-(gets crushed)

Tails: Just like the code from Spaceballs! (gets tackled by grizzly bear) How dare you get in my way of destroying stuff! Let's do an epic fight! (re-enacts every "Peter vs. Ernie" fight from Family Guy)

Jill: Hey! We're not using that gag yet in the review!

Tails: (punches the bear) Too bad!

Knuckles: Well, at least I'm getting a fresh shave! (turns on blender, get skull crushed by the truck)

Jack: (pimps out Amy's hammer with the pointy objects) Now push it up!

Amy: (takes hammer, then does the deed wincing) A donkey?

Jill: Wow…that's going to be a lot!

-One cooked donkey later-

Amy: (looks at self) NOOOO! Now I've gained three pounds! Man, am I fat!

Cream: (shoves Cosmo into pot)

Cosmo: (grabs Cream, starts the feasting)

Cream: Oh, so now you're going to act like a zombie! (starts cooking Cosmo alive)

Eggman: (heads over to Quahog) So, what do you both like to do?

Ernie: Well, my wife and I both like fine dining! You know, there's this fine restaurant around here that-THERE'S THAT SON OF A BITCH!

Peter: (glares at Ernie)

Ernie: (glares at Peter, then tackles him)

Peter: This is for that expired coupon! (beats Ernie with a golf club)

Ernie: And this is for paying for that check! (strangles Peter with a jellyfish tentacle)

-One fight more epic than the Sephiroth/Cloud fight later-

Rouge: Teasing guys is always fun! (goes into glass cage, hides key in cleavage)

Jack: Fire the hottie! (shoots Rouge out of a cannon)

Fan boys: (do what they do best…blowing crap up!)

Blaze: I have to eat Orange?

Jill: Cats can eat hedgehogs!

Silver: (tied up) No, no, no, no, NOOOOOO! (eaten alive)

-One weird bowel release later-

Silver: (with tennis balls in place of eyes) I don't want a pig! I don't!

Jack: Liar!

Blaze: (vomits apple) Why is this getting so weird? (uses duct tape with apple)

Jill: Who fires the arrow?

Blaze: I don't know, it doesn't say-(a random arrow flies through her) Wow…that was a strange sensation!

Vector: (looks at quest, then at Charmy) I think we're all going to die…

-One week later-

Jill: (looks out at the Sugar sea) Is that a…ship made out of sugar coming back?

Ship: (crashes into port)

Jack: (goes on board with Jill) It doesn't look like anyone was controlling it…

Jill: AHHHH! Look! (points in the captains' cabin)

Jack: (looks inside to find Vector and Espio's dead bodies) Oh my gosh! What could have killed them in such a barbaric way?

Charmy: (breaks through the cargo hold) ROAR!

Jill: We need to run! NOW!

Jack: (grabs Jill's hand, jumps off the boat into the sea with her)

Charmy: (goes off of boat, goes on a rampage through the nearest city)

Jack: Remember Jurassic Park 2? Where the T-Rex went on a rampage through the city? Yeah…this is going to wind up EXACTLY like that!

Jill: But that means…we need sugar to distract him back onto the ship!

Jack: Let's go! (hops into a car made out of sugar)

-One epic chase scene and capture later-

Sonic: You saved us all!

Jack: Regrettably…

Jill: That was awesome! (hugs Jack)

-Meanwhile-

Peter: (punches Ernie into a giant whirlpool) Yes! I drowned him! (leaves)

Ernie: (raises a talon out of the water)

-Back on stage-

Jack: I have to admit…this chapter had a lot of good jokes and good songs! I liked this!

I'm still amazed that I somehow finished this chapter! It took a lot of drinking cola and listening to Bon Jovi's song "Living On A Prayer" in the background, but I pulled it off!


	80. Amy and Sally Mudfight!

Amy and Sally Mudfight!

Recently, I've become addicted to watching the Nostalgia critic and Angry Video Game Nerd!

Sonic: Hey! Didn't that Nostalgia Critic do a segment on me?

Jack: Yeah, on your first two shows! And he said that you had to be high to watch the first one!

Jill: Though the second show did a miracle not seen since…they somehow made Eggman scary!

Eggman: YES! I knew there was hope for me yet!

Amy: (looks at Nostalgia Critic's review, then gasps)

Jack: What shocked you?

Amy: (approaches Sonic) YOU KISSED THAT SQUIRREL BITCH?!

Sonic: Now Amy, back off for a second here! There's no need to kill me right now-

Amy: I'LL DO MUCH MORE THAN KILL YOU!

Sally: (tackles Amy) Get off my man!

Amy: You! YOU…SHALL…SUFFER! (starts fighting Sally)

Shadow: CATFIGHT! (starts taking bets)

Jack: (dumps some buckets of mud on the two fighters) Let's make it a mud fight!

Every male on stage: (rejoices)

Jill: Umm…let's just get to a missed review! Apparently it didn't show up on Jack's e-mail during the contest for some reason…

 _I'm honestly stuck between Jack and Fat bastard..._  
 _I'm gunna go with Jack, because i SO want him to win the contest._  
 _And of course i can't leave a review without a dare, so..._  
 _SEX WAR ONCE AGAIN!_  
 _Except this time we're gunna do it right!_  
 _-Rouge, start off by having sex with knuckles._  
 _-Jill, make Tikal run in and beat the ** outta her._  
 _-Shadow, run in and try to beat back Tikal for a chance at Rouge._  
 _-Tikal, start sucking Shadow off mid-fight to get back at Rouge._  
 _-Rouge, now you need to go have sex with Jack so he'll get people to kill Tikal._  
 _-Jack, now you get to have some fun. At the end, hire Tails to kill Tikal._  
 _-Tails, your payment for killing Tikal will be Cosmo._  
 _-Cream, take Tails and throw him to the fangirls for this treachery._  
 _-Cosmo, for taking the life of your soulmate, i hereby allow you to hereby sentence Cream to insta-death._  
 _-Vanilla, get really ** off at Cosmo, and rush in to kill her._  
 _-Vector, now's your chance! Take off those headphones and start making mad lovez!_  
 _-Espio, you should be getting jealous right about now cuz Vector's getting all of the rewards from this job. Get Charmy and go kidnap Blaze for your pleasure._  
 _-Charmy, hold Blaze down while Espio goes all Chameleon on her **..._  
 _-Silver! They just took Blaze! Aw screw it, go take Amy for revenge... she seemed to like you moderately in Sonic 06._  
 _-Sonic! You have just been freed from Amy once and for all! Go defy the wishes of every sonic fan in history by making love to Elise for the first time!_  
 _-Amy, go kill sonic for this betrayal._  
 _-Eggman, now that you are finally rid of Sonic once and for all, what's the first thing that you will do? Make a robot to have sex with? ew, but all right. Modify Gamma and Omega to have some fun with ya._  
 _-Shadow, kick the crap out of Eggman for modifying your good buddy like this._  
 _-Rouge, sleep with Shadow as a victory trophy._  
 _-Shadow, encase Rouge in gold so she may exemplify the true meaning of the phrase "trophy wife"._  
 _-Knuckles, you just lost Rouge! And practically every girl on stage as well... What are ya gunna DO?!_  
 _-Jill, now that all of the competition is gone, you may claim Knuckles as your own, and so WIN THE WAR!_  
 _-Jack, steal Rouge's statue so you can create the world shown in Southpark's parody of Heavy Metal._  
 _EVERYONE WINS, RIGHT?! (crickets chirp because most of the cast is dead.)_  
 _-Solis Knight_

Jack: Damn it, not again! We've already decided on the chicken, and we're sticking with it!

Rouge: A sex war? I can't believe I haven't tried one before…(goes to closet with Knuckles)

Jill: Go, Tikal! Kill that slut!

Tikal: (runs into closet, causes a butchery)

Shadow: Do I have to? I like watching chicks fight! (gets shoved into closet)

Rouge: (runs out of closet) Well, I've done this with pretty much all mob leaders in Station Square…

Jack: Sex bribes? Hmmm…contact me when I'm horny!

Rouge: (injects Jack with testosterone)

Jack: COUNT ME IN! (takes Rouge into another closet)

-Much later-

Tails: Seriously? A hot night with her? Well, I guess I could use the thrill…(goes into closet with an AK-47)

Shadow: AHHHH! You guys are still barging in on me during sex? (gunshots are heard)

Cosmo: Sounds like a successful job! (runs into closet)

-Some action later-

Cream: (throws Tails into fan girls like a wrestler, then glares at Cosmo)

Cosmo: (pulls out an alien laser gun, disintegrates Cream) Wow…we keep doing these battles to the death, like, almost every chapter!

Vanilla: Honey! NOOOO! Somehow I never minded her being killed until now! (goes Rambo on Cosmo with a flamethrower)

Vector: I don't know if she's in the mood to have sex…but I'll try! (takes Vanilla into closet)

Espio: While he's gone, I'll head the Chaotix! Our first new mission…get me laid!

Charmy: With Blaze? This is going to be tough…(sprays Blaze with a hose) But we can do it!

Blaze: AH! What did you do that for? If I wasn't wet, I'd roast all of your asses right now!

Chamry: (grabs Blaze from behind) That's the point! No powers for you means lotsa sexy time for us! (takes a screaming Blaze into another closet)

Silver: Amy?! That's a bad deal for losing Blaze!

Jill: It's either sex with Amy or sex with no one!

Silver: (lifts Amy with his powers, takes her into another closet)

Sonic: I'm not doing that crazy chick! She keeps hugging me and calling me Sora!

Elise: (walks zombie-like to Sonic) Sora…Sora…

Jill: Shut up, Kairi-I mean, Elise!

Elise: (grabs Sonic) Now you won't have to leave me again, Sora! (takes a screaming Sonic into another closet)

-Much, much later-

Amy: (beats Sonic with her hammer until he loses every limb, then beats his neck until it breaks)

Eggman: I shall conquer the world, of course!…A sex bot? I won't need any if I'm ruling the world! I'll have all the courtesans I want!

Jill: How do you know the sex bots aren't better?

Eggman: (instantly begins changing Gamma and Omega)

Shadow: (stabs Eggman with the tip of a Chaos Emerald)

Jack: Cool killing method! I can't believe I didn't think of that until now!

Shadow: But I don't want to encase her in gold, I just want to have sex with her!

Jill: (shoves Shadow, Rouge, and a pot of liquid gold into a closet) Just think in the style of Goldfinger!

Knuckles: I-I'm going to g-get drunk (hic) Oh-oh wait! I al-already did that! (hic)

Jill: Thanks! (takes Knuckles into another closet)

Jack: (dragging out statue) That's going to be hard to re-create!

Tails: Let's start by laying waste to everything in an area! (plays "eenie-meeni-miney-mo" with his nuke control pad, launches nukes into a random area)

Jack: And everything else goes right into place! (takes the statue to said area)

-Back on stage-

Jill: Now, let's finally get to some more Chapter 33 reviews!

 _Who shall it be this time... how about... EGGMAN!_  
 _Tails: Let Eggman have a ride in one of your inventions that you don't use anymore. Detonate once he's a safe distance away from all of you._  
 _Cosmo: Soak up a lot of water and strangle Eggman._  
 _Mephiles: Hit Eggman with your sissy beam like you di to Sonic in Sonic '06._  
 _Espio: Slit Eggman's throat while invisible._  
 _Vector: Send Eggman off to meet some of your toonophile friends from chapter 32._  
 _Silver: Use your powers to tear out his eyes and shove them up his nostrils._  
 _Froggy: Plant a landmine near Eggman and get him to walk on it._  
 _Big: Jump off of the top of the stage and land on Eggman._  
 _Tikal: Force Eggman at gunpoint to eat until his stomach literally explodes._  
 _Omega: Create a bunch of clones of yourself and let them all kill Eggman at least once each._  
 _Gamma: You must be reprogrammed to hate Eggman and kill him._  
 _Blaze: Burn Eggman at the stake, like people used to do with witches!_  
 _Metal Sonic: You must strangle Eggman._  
 _Jet: Eggman made you go through all the trouble in Sonic Riders for a carpet! Get revenge!_  
 _Wave: Peck out Eggman's eyes!_  
 _Charmy: Try to break your record and see how fast you can annoy Eggman to death!_  
 _Knuckles: Tear out one of Eggman's bones and stick it in his eye._  
 _Rouge: Call GUN about the illegal activities on this show and make sure they get Eggman this time._  
 _Shadow: Decapitate Eggman annd use her head to play volleyball._  
 _Sonic: Why haven't you ever killed Eggman? Get it over with and cut that loser into little pieces right now._  
 _Jill: Cannibalize Eggman. He shoul last a while._  
 _Jack: Recreate the Texas Chainsaw Massacre by using Eggman as ALL the victims._  
 _Amy: Get revenge on Eggman for always kidnapping you._  
 _Chaos: Use the seven Chaos Emeralds to become Perfect Chaos and destroy all of Eggman's creations. Then, kill him._  
 _Eggman: Go get some liposuction. (I'm sure the bill will be even more than Bill Gates could afford)_  
 _That'll teach you to be such a loser, Eggman! Until next time! (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Tails: (walks up to Eggman) Want to be in a movie?

Eggman: Sure! What do I do!

Tails: (points to a giant, cloth covered cylinder) Just sit on that!

Eggman: (sits on cylinder) What movie is this?

Tails: (unveils cloth to reveal that it's a nuke, fires the missile with Eggman on it) Dr. Strangelove!

Eggman: AHHHHH! (re-enacts the Dr. Strangelove ending)

Jill: Use Absorb, Cosmo!

Cosmo: For the last time, I'm not a (bleep)ing Pokemon!

Jack: Nappa from DBZ: Abridged would disagree!

Cosmo: (sucks up water, then starts strangling a revived Eggman)

Eggman: (choking) This is exactly like when I had that Whopper burger yesterday!

Mephiles: (fires the beam)

Jack: Stop calling it a beam! We all know it's a LAZOR!

Mephiles: No, it's a beam!

Jill: Stop lying! Only something from Shoop Da Whoop would be powerful enough to kill Sonic!

Espio: (deals the final blow on Eggman's throat)

Vector: Friends?! They raped me just for ringing their doorbell!

Jack: That's why they'll get along great with Eggman!

Vector: (takes a revived Eggman to his doom)

-One raping later-

Eggman: (crying in a corner)

Silver: Yeah…fan girls can do that to you! But we can do worse! (rips out Eggman's eyes, puts them up his nostrils)

Froggy: (puts landmine in front of Eggman)

Eggman: Where do I go?

Jack: Just walk forward! It's the best thing for you to do right now!

Eggman: (hits the landmine)

Big: Uhhh….cowasomething! (lands on Eggman's body)

Tikal: (looking at gun) But…these are meant for destruction! I'm not good with these!

Jill: You don't have to be! Just point it at his head!

Eggman: Why do you need to point a gun at me? I can eat for a long time!

Jack: This might be longer than normal for you…

-One stomach explosion later-

Omega clones and Gamma: (start shooting at Eggman)

Jill: Wow…talk about gangbanging!

-Later-

Blaze: (ties up Eggman) Well, now we can warm up!

Jack: Shut it, you teenage Hello kitty!

Blaze: I AM NOT A TEENAGE HELLO KITTY! (burns Eggman in fury)

Metal Sonic: Kill fat people. Now. (strangles Eggman)

Jet: It was a magic carpet!

Jack: It was still a (bleep)ing carpet!

Jet:…True. (kicks Eggman in the crotch)

Eggman: Gack…as long as I can see, I'm fine-AHHHH!(gets eyes pecked out by Wave)

Wave: Like, these eyes are SO disgusting! Oh my gosh, I need to get that taste out! It's, like, EWWW! Like, why would eyes be so squishy and stuff?

Jack: (points at Wave) Amy…look at your future!

Charmy: Hey Doctor! How did you get to be a doctor? What are you good in? Have you ever played Doctor? Are you Doctorlicious? Can-

-Many annoying statements later-

Eggman: (drooling)

Jack: I think he's brain-dead! (revives Eggman)

Knuckles: (rips out a bone) Bones are always fun toys!

Jill: No, he meant one of Eggman's bones!

Knuckles: Oh…(puts bone back in his leg, rips out one of Eggman's bones)

Eggman: Not my eyes again-AH, MY EYE!

Rouge: (hangs up phone) Hehehe…

GUN forces: (drag off a screaming Eggman)

-At GUN headquarters-

Shadow: Listen, punk! That show has caused more damage than we can calculate, and has made a VERY deep impact on the Sonic fan base! There's only one punishment worth your stature now…DEATH! (cuts off Eggman's head, kicks it around)

-Back on stage-

Sonic: (grabs Caliburn) Now you get to do something I actually would like you to do! (chops up our villain)

Jill: This is disgusting…I'm going to need a lot of alcohol to get over this! (starts the worst feast in her life)

Everyone: (looks away)

-Much vomiting later-

Janitor: Damn kids…cannibalizing the fat ones for survival!

Jack: I get to be Leatherface? Sweet! (grabs chainsaw and mask) Suck it, Jason! (throws Eggman into a nearby house that will soon be notorious for crimes of inhumanity)

-Many of said crimes later-

Amy: (beating constantly on Eggman with her hammer) This is for keeping me away from my bishie!

Chaos: (turns into Perfect Chaos, begins the usual destruction rampages)

Janitor: (brings out mop) You (bleep)ing kids, with your destruction rampages destroying everything…

Eggman: NO! My stuff! I can't live without it!

Jack: Good. Then you won't! (watches Chaos drown Eggman)

-Later-

Eggman: Maybe then, girls will like me! (heads to the plastic surgery department) OVER 9000 RINGS?! What's going on? My bill's going even higher than that?

-At operating table-

Surgeon 1: It's too much for the liposuction machine! It's about to blow! 9jumps out a nearby window)

Surgeon 2: Damn it! Well…I guess we will have to go without the patient! (also jumps out a window just as an explosion occurs)

-Back on stage-

Jack: That…took…FOREVER!

 _yeah hi again i have to dare for you one is for jack and it is: bring in manick (sonic's brother)and sonia(sonic's sister(these are nOT oc's either they were part of the tv series) and the sencond one (cause i am a HUGE fan of creamxtails) swap there genders and get tails pregnant with an un-juno-able baby that he isn'y aloowed to have abborted (he should stay pregnant for about forty days if you take the average pregnancy of a fox and rabbit)(oh oh oh him and cream should stay gender swapped for the entire time too.. remember thyat you can't junofy them either)_  
 _-lordlyhour_

Jack: Already done.

Jill: Who the (bleep) would give him siblings? What, he wasn't already stupid enough?

Sonic: (pouts)

Jill: (swaps Tails and Cream's genders)

Tails: FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M NOT A CHICK!

Jack: The dare says you are! (shoves them both into a closet)

-One pregnancy later-

Tails: (throws baby to fan girls) This was bullcrap!

Jill: At least you're done for the chapter!

 _shadow-dare to put on a banana suit and sing peanut butter jelly time_  
 _sonic/jack- go in closet with yaoi fangirls jack have triplets named cain,kade,jill_  
 _charmy- kill who ever u want_  
 _-noi_

Shadow: (puts on banana suit) How did this ever become popular? (starts singing) It's peanut butter jelly time! It's peanut butter jelly time…

-One demonstration of awesome dance skills later-

Jack: What…but…I…

Yaoi fan girls: (take Jack and Sonic into closet)

Sonic: (sobbing) If it makes you feel any better, I hate this as much as you do!

Jack: AHHHHH! That helped a little!

-One yaoi Juno with triplets later-

Charmy: (draws out a knife as the theme song to "The Omen" plays in the background) I want to kill Eggman again! (slices open the fattest Sonic character)

Jack: (bleep) this, I'm going to party some more! I still haven't finished celebrating my making of the Most Popular Sonic fic! (starts singing) You're the best…around! Nothing's ever going to keep you down!

Sorry, I just watched The Karate Kid again recently!


	81. Disturbing amounts of sex

Disturbing amounts of sex

First, there's pain. Then, there's torture. Then, there's Sonic: Truth or Dare!

Silver: Hey, I'm not longer Orange!

Jack: Yeah…it kind of got boring for me after a while!

Jill: (looks on computer) We missed another contestant for Eggman's father?

Jack: Yep! Apparently our e-mail service is giant piece of (bleep)ing (bleep) that (bleep)(bleep)(bleep), and I would like to (bleep)(bleep) its (bleep)(bleep) until it (bleep) (bleep)(bleep)(bleep) out its (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)! (bleep)!

 _I know who Eggman's father is!_  
 _Honestly, it's quite obvious:_  
 _Jaime Hyneman from Mythbusters!_  
 _Ok, now for some dares:_  
 _Froggy: After watching Big kill everyone, don't you feel it's your turn for some killing? Kill Big 20 times throughout the chapter._  
 _Tails Doll: Fight to the death with Weegee!_  
 _Cosmo: Into the closet with... (spins wheel-o-random)... Nazo! (The Nazo Unleashed portrayal, too)_  
 _Sonic: Closet with Super Sonic, Dark Sonic, Fleetway Super Sonic, Darkspine Sonic, Hyper Sonic, and Werehog Sonic._  
 _Jack: (Hands over Wheel-O-Random) Send Eggman in the closet with someone, and use this wheel to figure out who!_  
 _Fangirls: Overrun the stage and grab your bishies!_  
 _Shadow: Closet with Samus._  
 _Sonic: Closet with a Metroid._  
 _Silver: Closet with Metroid Prime. (No, not the game. The final boss)_  
 _Shadow: Explain to Sonic exactly WHY it is that YOU are the faker, and make it clear how sorry you are for calling him faker all this time._  
 _Maria: Didn't you come back as a cat or something? Come back, and go into the closet with Blaze._  
 _Janitor: Kill Jack and Jill, James Bond style!That's all for now, see ya!_  
 _-Gadoink_

Jill: Good idea…only problem is, he's not evil enough!

Jack: But he's definitely got the genius/stupidity complex, not to mention the balding head!

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Destroy the one that has ruined my life? Yes!)

Big: Hi, Froggy-OW! Why did you shoot me-OW! (dies, gets dragged off to 19 more deaths)

Jack: A soul-stealing battle? EPIC!

Tails Doll: (charges at Weegee)

Weegee: (jumps up) Your soul is mine!

Tails Doll: I have no soul.

Weegee: Curses! (sword fights with the Tails Doll)

Tails Doll: You make me want to puke.

Weegee: You make me think someone already did!

Tails Doll: I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down.

Weegee: Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?

Tails Doll: My hankerchief will wipe up your blood.

Weegee: So you got that job as a janitor, after all.

Tails Doll: You fight like a dairy farmer.

Weegee: How appropriate. You fight like a cow! (blows up the Tails Doll)

Jill: I love the Monkey Island fights…

Cosmo: Nazo?

Jack: We only have one (bleep)ing image to base off of him? COME ON!

Nazo: (flies in) What is this? I hate these SEGA contracts…

Jill: Shiiiiiinyyyyyy…

Nazo: Quiet, you! (heads into closet with Cosmo)

Sonic: With myself?

Jack: Of course! (gives Sonic the Chaos Emeralds and a guide on masturbation)

Jill: (shoves Sonic into a closet) Have fun!

Jack: Wait…who's Fleetway SuperSonic?

Jill: (looks online) He's Super Sonic, but evil!

Jack: WHOA! This Fleetway Comic has a backstory to Sonic, and he-(gasps, then points to Eggman) HE WORKED FOR YOU?!

Jill: Yeah…Sonic also set up the accident that made him evil!

Jack: But that means…every problem that we've ever faced in a Sonic game has been Sonic's fault! Also, Eggman accidentally turned him blue, and-WAIT A SECOND, SONIC USED TO BE BROWN?!

Jill: Everything that I've thought about these games has been completely changed…Holy (bleep)!

Jack: When he gets out there, I'm going to kill him for creating the worst video game villain ever!

Jill: I've got an even better idea…(sends Amy into closet)

Sonic: (starts screaming)

Jack: (grins, then spins wheel) And the winner is…Tails!

Tails: You've got to be (bleep)ing kidding me! (gets seized by yaoi fan girls, taken into closet with his nemesis)

Jack: Hey…those fan girls aren't stopping! RUN! (flees in escape pod)

Bishies: (taken into the dark depths of the fan girl crowd)

-Many horrors that would make H.P. Lovecraft shudder later-

Samus: (swings in on her whip) Alright, where are those aliens?

Jill: (points to Cosmo and Black Doom)

Cosmo: Hey! Just because we're aliens doesn't mean we-(BOOM)

Shadow: Whoa! Is that a BF-40 model laser blaster?

Samus: Yeah! It can blow (bleep) up from very far away!

Shadow: I have three of those! Plus the strengthener add-on!

Samus: Really? Oh my gosh! That reminds me of when I blew up this one crowd with a TG-72 model-

Shadow: You mean with the grenades attached?

Samus: YES!

Shadow: How did you get that?

Samus: Black market deals rock! Especially from the one on the planet Zeta-5200!

Shadow: My personal favorite gun from there would have to be-

Both: The DR-500 bazooka!

Jill: Wow…they have a lot in common!

Shadow: (takes Samus to closet) You're blond?! Awesome!

Jack: (shoves Sonic and a Metroid into a closet)

Sonic: Hey! How am I supposed to-AUGH! It's sucking my head! HELP! I'm losing brain fluid-pghpahwuepaauihap! (thud)

Silver: If that killed him…what will the Metroid Prime do to me?

Jill: Well, it looks like some giant spider thing…so you're (bleep)ed!

Silver: (screams, gets dragged into closet by Metroid Prime)

-One brutal killing later-

Shadow: (sighs) I'm…the faker, since you were around before me in the games! (grumbles) I'm sorry…

Jack: That was, like, for one chapter. Wasn't it?

Jill: Yeah, I think so. She's human right now!

Yuri fan boys: (take Maria and Blaze into closet)

Jack:…Disturbing.

Janitor: Remember when you kept me back on Labor Day? (shoots Jack and Jill) Payback, you (bleep)ing kids!

-One double revival later-

 _Rape! Yay!_  
 _Sonic: Rape Amy_  
 _Knuckles: Rape Jill_  
 _Shadow: Rape Cream_  
 _Silver: Rape Cosmo_  
 _Jack: Rape Rouge_  
 _Tails: Rape Wave the Swallow_  
 _Also, Super Silver and Burning Blaze will go into the closet._  
 _Also, Jack gets CHOCOLATE SODA!_  
 _-Gunslinger 117_

Jack: I don't know how we're going to do the first two! It's usually done the other way around…

Shadow: (distributes out pills to the above guys)

Tails: Well…I guess date rape could work!

-One night of bars and partying later-

Amy: (wakes up) Oh, Sonic! Man, this situation feels like Soviet Russia…

-Back on stage-

Silver and Blaze: (grab emeralds, turn to super forms)

Silver: We're doing this again? Whoa!

Blaze: (flies into closet with Silver)

Jack: This sugar will cheer me up! (chugs soda)

Chip: (sobbing)

 _He he he its Bolts time to Torture!_  
 _Kyle(superdragon): So your good with an axe eh? Face my glaive! The blade on mine is WAY bigger than on wikipedia!_  
 _Sonic: Go deep sea diving,(dont tell him its shark infested waters)_  
 _Amy: Make out with Silver! (no hypnosis i prefer shotgun threats)_  
 _Silver: After you and amy are done, go on a killing rampage with your physic powers and an uzi_  
 _Blaze: Silvers nuts! Kill him kill him! (silver stops being nuts just before she kills him)_  
 _Eggman: Everybody goes super and gets to kill you in whatever way they want!_  
 _Charmy: Man your annoying, but heres some highly explosive and dangerous chinese fireworks to play with!_  
 _Tails: Supe up the fireworks and stick charmy into a pile of them (3 2 1 BOOM!)_  
 _Tikal: Hope you and shadow have a good time in the closet if you dont wanna go, i have a glaive with your name on it._  
 _Jill: You are now twice as rabid a Knuckles fan! RUN KNUCKLES RUN!_  
 _Knuckles: When and IF you survive, marry rouge (hands him a ring with the purple chaos emerald in it)_  
 _Now suffer you charecters suffer! Bolt the Wolf_

Jill: While Super Dragon and Bolt the Wolf are apparently busy in their epic fight, we shall get to the dares!

Sonic: No way! I hate water!

Jack: (holds up a fluorescent light tube) Do it or we'll smash this over your head!

Sonic: (gulps) Fine.

Jack: (smashes the tube over Sonic's head anyways)

Sonic: OW! (heads to his greatest fear)

Jill: (puts shotgun at Amy's face) I know Jack would like me to just pull the trigger…but you need to do this dare!

Amy: (grabs Silver out of closet, closes eyes) I'm holding Sonic…I'm holding Sonic…BISHIE! (gives Silver a super makeout)

Silver: Mmph! (throws up on ground) Yuck! I tasted some fan girl in that! (grabs an Uzi) Well, I guess now's better than any time for me to snap!

Jack: I knew you could do it, Silver! Unlike you doing Blaze in the future-

Silver: YAAAAAH! (fires the Uzi everywhere, then uses his powers to line up the bullets and send them flying in rows at everyone)

Blaze: I think I already did this…(shoots a beam of fire at Silver)

Silver: (shoots a beam of energy at Blaze, causing the beams to collide in an explosion)

Jack: Are any of you able to stop yourselves from ripping off Dragonball Z?

Blaze: Does it matter? I kicked his ass!

Jack: Let's just kill the stuffed turkey already!

Eggman: I am not a stuffed turkey-(BOOM)

-Many super overkill deaths later-

Charmy: Fire? FIRE?! Burny burn burn!

Tails: Don't worry! You'll get to burn them plenty! (shoves Charmy into fireworks, sets off the fireworks)

Jack: It looks so pretty to see Charmy's guts get blown everywhere!

Shadow: I get laid AGAIN? Good times! (heads to closet with Tikal)

Knuckles: More rabid? How is that possible?

Jill: (rams a tank through the stage while foaming at the mouth) Bishie….YOU'RE MINE!

Knuckles: Oh…(bleep)! (dodges the plushies being fired out of the tank barrel) Goodbye, everyone…hello, Jamaica! (runs far away in a chase that will inevitably fail)

Tails: Why is the ocean water red?

Jack: Wow…Sonic couldn't last a few more minutes, could he?

-Many revivals later-

 _hey jack i already did one to kyles fic if yu get mad i git some thing thatll cheer yu up TORTURE_  
 _Metal sonic: have tails make It THAT big travel to the island of sodor and rape every single train_  
 _amy: ask sonic to be your boyfriend until his head explodes_  
 _Sonic: just before your head explodes blow your self away with a shotgun_  
 _Miles: solve this question with out a calculator or any thing thatll help you ok 582,458,743,224,515,924,349,629,768+458,366,695,533,698,556,699,345_  
 _meatballman: go into a cannon and shoot yourself into japan and face the greatest sumo wrestler in the world_  
 _silver: for the next 10 chapters paint yourself gold and have everyone call you goldie_  
 _cosmo: up cream in front of kyle_  
 _cream: while cosmo is upping yu up your mom while she ups tails_  
 _omega and gamma: every time you talk have everyone shoot you with the most destructive weapon ever_  
 _thats it for now_  
 _ILL Be BACK_  
 _-commandertorture_

Tails: Ummm…how? Robots can't-

Jack: That's what you're supposed to figure out!

-One weird fixation later-

Tails: Well, I sent him off…I don't think anyone wants to see that!

Jack: Island of Sodor? More like Island of SODOMY!

Janitor: (hits drums) DA-DA-CHING!

Jill: He'll be riding those trains, all right…

Janitor: (hits drums) DA-DA-CHING!

Jack: Those trains are about to get a fuel injection….

Janitor: (silence)

Jack: Aw, come on! (walks away grumbling)

Amy: Yes! Please be my boyfriend!

Sonic: No!

Amy: Please, please, please, please, please…

Jack: (covers ears) She's worse than Kelly from The Office!

Amy:…Please, please, please, please-(BAM) Oh no…why did you use that shotgun on yourself? Now will you date me?

Sonic: (dead)

Amy: Is that a yes? Why won't you listen to me? (runs off crying)

Tails: Living calculator…GO! 583000000000000000000000000! You said nothing about rounding!

Eggman: Sumo wrestling? I remember when I watched one match and-AHHH! (fired out of canon without knowing it)

-In Japan-

Eggman: Fat Bastard? What are you doing here?

Fat Bastard: Ach! You look like a baby! GET IN MY BELLY! (crushes Eggman)

-Back on stage-

Silver: (dumps himself in gold paint) Ten chapters?

Jack: I'll just have you do it until I'm bored! (punches Goldie) Which might not be for a while!

Cream: That's…very weird!

Jack: (sends those four to Super Dragon's fic) Whatever…

Shadow: The most destructive weapon? Do you mean…the Eclipse Cannon?

Jack: (runs far away) Sure!

Omega: It's-(BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM)

Jill: Cool! Just like the "It's" guy from Monty Python!

 _Knuckles: Learn the Falcon Punch. kill EVERYONE with it._  
 _(then run from Captain Falcon before he hits you with it, hehe)_  
 _-TARDISreviewer_

Jack: Oh gods, not again! It's like giving a 2-year old a nuclear bomb!

Knuckles: (plays Super Smash Bros.) Okay…I think I've got it! FALCON…PAWNCH! (sends out a blaze of fire, killing all Sonic characters)

Captain Falcon: What? Who's using my attack?

Jack: The stupid one!

Knuckles: (flees the wrath of ultimate power)

Now that a certain computer virus is gone, I'm back to writing!


	82. A Late Forth of July

A Late Fourth of July

Alright, let's get to these plenty of holiday dares…

Jack: It's been a while since the Fourth of July! So what better way to celebrate it than by blowing (bleep) up?

Jill: We promise that we're going to do enough explosions to put Michael Bay movies to shame!

Janitor: (grumbles) Great…more gunpowder to clean up!

 _Fourth of July dares:_  
 _Sonic, Charmy, Dr. Eggman, Mephiles the Dark, Omochao, Vector, Scourage, Bark the Bear, Bean, Nack, all of the Omochao fans, Dark Gaia, Sally Acorn:be strapped to some Chinese fireworks._  
 _Tails &Shadow:Have the pleasure of sending the Chinese fireworks into the sky, and watch them blow up._  
 _Knuckles:Learn the reason why Fourth of July is a holiday by Shadow &Tails. Every minute you don't learn something, you get shot in the crotch._  
 _Sonic, Mephiles, Omochao, Scourage, Amy, Metal Sonic, G.U.N. Commander, Jill, Big:Get locked inside a metal prison cell._  
 _Team Chaotix: The people inside the metal prison cell want to listen to your *coughhorriblecough* music. Have a twenty-four hour consert with them. (Note:Don't tell them that after they're done, they will be thrown inside the prison cell as well and they will have to listen to a twenty-four hour marathon of Barney.)_  
 _-Black Fate/VortexHaven Prower and Chronus Mystery Prower_

Jack: (brings out tons of duct tape) People are going to be watching the skies tonight, all right…(tapes all of those idiots to fireworks)

Shadow: Pyromania explosania insania! (starts lighting his enemies on fire)

Tails: Ummm…we're supposed to just light the fireworks!

Shadow: Oh…(sets them off)

-One mass revival later-

Knuckles: Cool! What are all those light thingies?

Tails: They're called fireworks!

Knuckles: And why do we use them?

Shadow: To shoot British people.

Knuckles: What? That makes no sense!

Tails: It's because the British Empire lost some colonies, marking the beginning of a new worldwide wave of democratic political system countries that had not been seen for the past one thousand years!

Knuckles: (blinks)

Tails: (sighs) A bunch of people got pissed and fought some British people!

Knuckles: Oh.

Tails: (sets off a nuke)

Jack: That's not a firework!

Tails: Haven't you ever watched that one Addams Family movie? These are clearly Siberian firecrackers! (sirens start blaring) Damn it! I'm not going to jail again! (flees)

GUN Commander: Umm…how about we just arrest a bunch of people randomly?

Troops: Hooray! (begin the mass arrest)

-In Jail-

GUN Commander: (grumbling) Stupid troops…arresting their own leader!

Scourge: Yeah, life sucks like that.

Jill: (awkward silence) So…how's the weather?

Mephiles: Dark. Always dark.

Sonic: We weren't asking for your opinion, you piece of-

Amy: SONIKKU! You're here, too? (glomps him)

Sonic: (screaming)

Mephiles: (covers ears) This is getting annoying. Can I kill him again?

Big: Uhhh…

Scourge: Nobody asked for your opinion!

Omochao: Don't be so mean to him! He's just-(gets shot, blown up, and sliced in half simultaneously)

Mephiles: (turns to Metal Sonic) You know, you're not too bad-Oh! You're just that copy!

Metal Sonic: (punches Mephiles into a wall)

GUN Commander: Hey! We're getting company!

Chaotix: (walk in door with instruments)

Jill: Are you guys here to bust us out?

Vector: Better….we're here to cheer you up!

Charmy: (starts emitting sound waves that would make Joe Rogan from Fear Factor retch)

-48 hours of agony later-

Jill: Barney…is evil! I don't know which is worse between him and Charmy!

 _We were wrong? King of Hyrule is not the father?_  
 _You know what they say Mah boi, This vote is what all true authors strive for!_  
 _I could of put dares? Oh (bleep). I guess I will do this instead, Forth of July Dares! (I don't know if I already did a list for this, but screw it, just use this one instead)._  
 _Pyro (aka Blaze): Dress up like the pyro from tf2 and gain his inability to speak. Then set up the fireworks._  
 _Santa the communist (aka eggman): Meet the most patriotic american of them all, the Soldier from Tf2! (You know... The guy with the rocket launcher)._  
 _Blue rat on crack, brainless red vermain, and gayest white mouse ever (aka Sonic, Knuckles, and Silver): Have your bodies ripped to shreads to be made into a grand american flag fro us all to look up to!_  
 _Cream: Make a good old fashion american apple pie... made out of Cosmo. Then put on a red blooded american barbque... made out of Shadow. Then eat it...and like it!_  
 _Brainless red vermain: Learn the presidents from the Warner brothers (who will be visiting from my fic) using their presidents song, get tazed every five minutes you don't learn them all._  
 _Jack: Have some good all american father and son time... and the gun range... with a bazooka... with Eggman as the target._  
 _Flying squirrel (aka Tails): Make a time machine, go to the signing of the constitution and "edit" it to make your self the king of america!_  
 _Chramy, Chip, Sonic's siblings, Eggman, Amy, and who ever comes up with the ideas for the new sonic games: Be tied to the fireworks and die in the biggest and most awsome display of pyrotechinics EVER!_  
 _Great Chapter Jack, just make sure it is clear next time that one can put in dares._  
 _-Not G. Ivingname_

Jack: (does King Harkinian's laugh)

Blaze: (puts on gas mask, then uses a flamethrower on a pile of fireworks)

Eggman: You! With the helmet! What are you doing here?

Soldier: I'm looking over this place…in America!

Jack: (does a face palm) Of all the soldiers we could've gotten, why did we receive Bandit Keith from Yugioh: Abridged?

Soldier: Ask my leader…in America!

Eggman: Stop pointing that launcher at me!

Soldier: I've heard that you've tried taking over the world! Therefore, I shall do a scene from Saving Private Ryan…in America! (blows up Eggman)

Jill: Can you just go?

Soldier: I shall leave…in-

Jack: Don't say it again. Ever!

Jill: (pulls out a rusty needle) This next dare sounds like fun!

Jack: (shoves Sonic, Knuckles, and Silver into a woodchipper) Suck on it, Fargo!

Cream: I'm fine with the first part of my dare…the second, not so much! (torches Shadow and Cosmo, begins the cooking)

Jack: (raises up the bloody flag) Ew…an intestine just dropped on me!

-One cookout later ad mass revival-

Jill: (throws up) That apple pie made me sick!

Jack: (punches Cream) What were you thinking? Cosmo obviously had some pretty bad alien diseases!

Knuckles: What's a president?

Yakko: (storms onto stage with siblings) Good question!

Wakko: And one that can be resolved through song!

Yakko: (starts singing) Heigh ho, do you know, the names of the US residents, who then became the presidents…

-One song later-

Dot: So…what did you learn?

Knuckles: Was that a song?…YEAH, that was a song!

Jack: We're going to need a huge battery charger for this taser…

Sonic: I'll do it! I'm still pissed at him for unexplained reasons!

Jack: Alright! (grabs bazooka, gives Eggman a gift that he deserved a long time ago)

Tails: I'm not a flying squirrel!

Jill: Shut up, Rocky! Now either take over the US or go back to Frostbite Falls!

Tails: (glares) Well, this will definitely make pimping easier…(builds time machine, goes into it)

Janitor: (plays the song "Time Warp" as Tails enters)

Tails: (yells) Damn it, this isn't the Rocky Horror Picture Show either! (goes to the past)

-In 1776-

Tails: (breaks into Independence Hall) WOOT! PARTY!

Constitution signers: (look up confused)

Tails: I'm looking for Madison…you know, the party college in Wisconsin?

Constitution signers: (confused)

Adams: Do you mean…James Madison?

Tails: (face palm) Damn it! Well, can I see him? (takes him out back for a "chat")

-Later-

Tails: (puts on sunglasses, does the stereotypical dictator hand gestures to a cheering crowd) Gracias, gracias…

Jack: (starts tying up the causes of bad Sonic games) BURN! BURN, YOU EVIL CREATURES, BURN!

Jill: (fires the great evils into space) Wow, talk about killer displays…

 _I just realized that it's going to be the 4th of July soon and i have haven't done any dares for it yet. For starters, the Robotniks are going to have a family reunion to celebrate! But it's going to be a bit unusual; it's a costume one. Black doom will wear the girlest dress ever made; Gerald will wear a clown costume; eggman as a sumo wrestler; maria will go as erm, ah... arnold schwarzenegger! Oh, and shadow has to go dressed up as a baby in a diaper (I know he's worn dresses before, but am I the first to force in him into a diaper?) Finally, sonic has to go dressed up as a giant shoe. I'm including him because there is a sonic comic that shows him on ark when it was attacked by GUN; guess that means your shadow's brother, huh? what do you say to that?_  
 _Shadow: I'm not quite finished with you yet; you have to watch every single episode of that cartoon series you made when you were drugged on chapter_  
 _Knuckles:... You have to be replace the studio bathroom's condom dispenser for the next couple of chapters. if you don't get what that means then youhave to hang condoms from you dreadlocks so that people can use them._  
 _Tikal: become rouge's pimp. (I'm curious to see what happens.)_  
 _Jack: you have to spend the rest of the day with a very horny shadow who also a gun magazine._  
 _Big: you get to marry both eggman and froggy at once._  
 _Tails: you must learn the ways of the warrior from chuck norris... then you must beat chuck norris!_  
 _Silver: since you ripped off terminator try to rip of the original predator as well. Now, go into that jungle and try to stop that invisible, flesh eating alien from eating you._  
 _Oh, and I suppose you'll need this to help celebrate as well (gives jack the largest box of fireworks ever made... before firing a number of them at the sonic cast.) let's see you try to hide from that._  
 _-Lightning Master_

Jack: Have haven't? Does that make sense?

Sonic: I'm not that (bleep)ing emo's brother! I refuse to believe it!

Sonadow yaoi fan girls: (start worrying that they've been peddling incest)

Jill: Maybe you're not. After all, you've already had about a million bull(bleep) time-traveling plots before! Maybe you went back in time yet AGAIN for some reason!

Sonic: Hooray for crappy, recycled plot devices!

Jack: You still have to join the costume party!

Sonic: (puts on giant shoe) Curses…

Jill: I think you are the first to force him into a diaper!

Shadow: (grumbles) This…will ruin me! (sees guns pointed at him, then puts on diaper)

Sonic: (rolls over laughing) WOW! I'm going to die laughing right here!

Shadow: (stabs Sonic with a Chaos Spear) Take that, "brother"!

Gerald: (puts on clown costume) At least it's not as bad as the others…(notices Black Doom crying in a corner with a pink dress on)

Jack: I don't know why, but Black Doom is starting to seem more and more like Captain Hero from Drawn Together!

Jill: AUGH! It's horrifying! MY EYES! (sees Eggman, runs)

Jack: (runs off to comfort her) It's okay…it'll be over soon…it'll be over!

Maria: (punches through the wall, enters the party)

Shadow: MARIA!

Jack: What happened to the fetal position?

Shadow: I bought some crack from the homeless guy down the street!

Maria: JAMIE! (glomps Shadow, crushes him to death)

Jill: Why did she call him Jamie?

Jack: You've never heard of the movie Jingle All the Way, have you?

Jill: Nope.

Jack: Good! Oh, and Shadow's show was in Chapter 79!

Shadow: (revived in the usual scenario of being tied up in front of the TV) AHHH! I wet myself!

Jack: (laughs) It's a good thing we had that diaper!

Shadow: (continues watching) And now I've emptied out the other way…

Jill: Too much information! (closes door)

-One TV season of suffering later-

Shadow: (a cold, dead corpse of the bishie we once knew)

Knuckles: (puts condoms on dreadlocks again) Will it get me laid more?

Jack: Probably not.

Knuckles: DAMN IT!

Tikal: Well, if you say so…(wins the bidding war for Rouge's contract) WOW, that was expensive!

Rouge: I'm a hot item! In more than one way…so what do you want me to do?

Tikal: Well…what do you usually do?

Rouge: That! (points to a gigantic line of fan boys)

Tikal: Hmm…let's have you try out some echidnas! Yeah! We'll go to my tribe, gain money from your prostitution there, and buy out the tribe from my dad! Then he can't take the Chaos Emeralds again!

Rouge: Let's save the world! HOOKER…POWER!

Jack: (revives Shadow) I get to spend a day learning the ways of the emo? Interesting…

Jill: (injects hormones into Shadow) You won't like him today!

-On the drive out-

Jack: (looks at backseat) Where should we go first-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Shadow: Sorry, I've got urges!

Jack: (confiscates magazine, continues driving) I want no more of that, you hear-STOP HUMPING THE SEAT!

Shadow: But I need getting laid! I don't know why today!

Jack: Well, I don't know how to do that!

Shadow: Take a left here, then go three blocks until you reach that old warehouse! It's the best women in town right there, I guarantee it!

Jack: Really? AWESOME! Maybe this day won't be so bad after all…

-Back on stage-

Jill: (summons the yaoi fan girls) Polygamy time!

Yaoi fan girls: (drag Froggy, Big, and Eggman to a wedding chapel…somehow)

Tails: (flies to heaven) Since you learned from Bruce Lee and beat him, I shall do the same!

Norris: (laughs) Really? We shall see…(begins a training montage forbidden for anyone to see)

Silver: (puts on army suit) Hooray for corruption of third-world countries! (heads to Latin America)

-In the rainforest-

Predator: (scans area, finds a certain idiot wandering through) RAWR!

Silver: What made that sound? Hmm…I'd better check my surroundings! Rock, tree, tree, leaves that are distorted in front by wavy lines that look like a predatory alien that could kill me, rock, insect-WAIT! AUGH!

-Many blown up Sonic characters later-

Tails: (pulls off a perfect roundhouse kick)

Norris: You have done well, grasshopper!

Tails: Don't rip off the show Kung Fu! (kicks Chuck Norris in the face) I must kick your ass, for it is what I do best!

Norris: (gets up) It's time for me to go Texas Ranger on you-AH! (receives another punch) You're going to be tougher than Bruce Lee!

-One epic fight that kills any trace of physics later-

Tails: (does an ultimate roundhouse kick to the face, wiping out the great one) I WON!

Jill: (shouts) Stop sounding like Link from Zelda: Cd-i and get back here!

Tails: (flies back down) That ends the (bleep) I have to do this chapter!

 _any chance that we should turn in 4th of july dares now?_  
 _either way I'M gonna do mine now. just in case_  
 _Sonic and Shadow: strap knuckie to a rocket_  
 _Vector: go to mexico and buy some candles and light them.(dont tell him ther'e roman candles!)_  
 _Sonic: chili dog contest! (against a big and dr. eggman team)_  
 _winner gets to barbeque whomever they wish._  
 _Mephiles: make a picnik of chao and invite lots of chao. then tell chaos what you did._  
 _Amy: you must stand next to the biggest display of fireworks ever!_  
 _Knuckles: you must go back in time and sign the decleration of independence first (given you can write your name)_  
 _-laurexine flight_

Sonic: But Shadow's not here yet! (notices a car crash into the stage wall) WHOA!

Jack: (rolls out of the car laughing while smoke pours out of the car)

Shadow: (also rolls out laughing from the passenger seat while "Born to Be Wild" plays on the car stereo)

Jack: You were right, man…those chicks were great! (stumbles to everyone else)

Shadow: Yeah, and I told you that the diner had the best stuff! (continues laughing) THAT WAS AWESOME!

Jack: I know, man! This was an excellent time!

Jill: Have you been drinking?

Jack: (stumbles while laughing) And a lot of other stuff, too! All thanks to this awesome dude! (pats Shadow's back)

Jill: Wait a minute…are you and Shadow FRIENDS?!

Jack: Hell if I know! But I can say that we had a good time! WOOT!

Sonic: (rolls eyes) Whatever. Let's make Knuckles suffer just for the hell of it!

Knuckles: (gets tied to a giant bottle rocket) Am I going to be a Spaceman?

Shadow:...Sure.

Knuckles: Suck it, Soviets! (gets launched)

Vector: What?! Some (bleep)ing candles? That's all I'm buying in Mexico?

Jack: There's some other stuff in Mexico that would be fun to buy…but I guess he can't get that! (sends Vector to Mexico)

Jill: (returns the "happy couple" to the stage)

Eggman: (throws up) I hate fan girls! If only I had never met them…

Jack: Where did Froggy go?

Jill:…You don't want to know.

Sonic: Why would they give me something so easy?

Jack: It's against the fatties!

Sonic: Why would they give me something so hard?

-At the contest-

Eggman and Big: (starts wolfing down their platters)

Sonic: (also wolfing down) Oh no….they're getting ahead!

Jack: Just think, Sonic…these fat people at Hot Dog Eating Contests have one weakness!

Jill: High blood pressure?

Jack: Besides that! This weakness is…small Japanese guys!

Sonic: He's right. I CAN DO THIS! (shoves the whole plate down, winning the contest)

Jill: You didn't tell him that Kobayashi lost the last three contests in a row, right?

Jack: Nope.

Sonic: I'm going to cook our Duke Devlin rip-off! (throws Shadow onto the grill)

Jack: We had some good times, man…some good times!

Mephiles: (grumbles) Who holds a PICNIC on the Fourth of July?

-At picnic-

Mephiles: And so then I poked out the man's eyes, followed by playing with his intestines and (bleep)ing his skull!

Chao: (silent)

Mephiles: Are you all traumatized already? Because Uncle Mephy has a lot more stories to tell…

-Back on stage-

Jack: NEXT to it? Why isn't she standing in it?

Jill: It still looks deadly for her.

Jack: But she might survive! (watches the display) Oooooh…pretty!

Jill: Yep…it looks like she's not surviving that!

Jack: (covers eyes at a flash) She's definitely not surviving that!

Knuckles: (heads to time machine) Don't you dare play "Time Warp" on me!

Janitor: (grumbles, walks away with instruments) Damn kids these days…all they can think of is time travel without music!

-In 1776-

Jefferson: Hey! Someone's already written on this parchment!

Washington: It says "K.N. Dawg" on it! What could this mean?

-Back on stage-

Jack: (high-fives a revived Shadow) We did some crazy stuff with that bong!

Shadow: Not to mention those eggs!

Jack: Dude, that was an excellent moment!

Jill: Stop being Bill and Ted!

Disappointed that Silver-I mean Goldie didn't show up this chapter? I've got some good plans for him next chapter…


	83. This One Time, At Band Camp

This One Time, At Band Camp

Mystery Science Theater 3000 rocks!

Shadow: Wow…it's getting hot this time of year!

Sonic: Don't you guys have a fan?

Jack: I've got a better idea to cool us down…WATER BALLOON FIGHT!

Sonic: What?! No, don't hit me with that-AH! (goes into fetal position)

Jill: This looks serious…so let's pelt him with some more!

Everyone: YAY! (throws water balloons at Sonic)

Rouge: This reminds me of this one time, at band camp, when I-

Jill: That's enough from you!

Sonic: (starts sucking thumb)

Goldie: I thought you were supposed to torture me!

Jack: Shut up, Silver, or else you'll tempt me to change my mind again!

Goldie: (silence)

Jack: Speaking of gold…(turns gold) Cool! I just had my Golden Birthday recently, so I'm golden for a chapter!

Jill: Tee hee! You look like an Oscar in a suit!

Jack: (glares) Shut up…

 _Okay I Have Some Dares_  
 _Knuckles-Make out with Tikal Rouge and Jill can't do anything about it_  
 _Blaze-Burn all SonicxBlaze Fangirls_  
 _Amy-Smash Rouges head_  
 _Cream-Get a Shotgun from Shadow and blow off Blazes and Cosmoes Head Then feed them to rats_  
 _Eggman-Hit yourself with screwdriver until you die_  
 _Big-Eat Froggy_  
 _Tikal-Get a Sniper and shoot a RougexKnuckles Fangirl_  
 _Keep up the get work_  
 _-Black in' Blue_

Knuckles: Woo hoo! I feel like Tails!

Tails: Dude…you'll never get to my level of scoring!

Knuckles: (pouts, then heads over to the double makeout)

Jill: Not even chainsaw massacres?

Jack: Not even chainsaw massacres!

Jill: Awww…

Blaze: Ummm…I don't know what to say about this.

Jill: Just imagine that they're the fans that pair you up with Eggman!

Blaze: (in a demonic voice) **DIE!** (creates a fire that could be seen for many miles)

Mephiles: I like the tone of that scream!

Jack: (looks online) Wait…this can't be! You're voiced by Dan Green?

Mephiles: Yes, I am!

Jack: That's awesome, Mephiles…or should I say Mephistopheles?

Jill: Who?

Jack: You've never heard of Faust? Mephistopheles is the devil's name in Faust! He also shape-shifts, just like Mephiles!

Mephiles: (sighs) Did SEGA ever think of any original characters for Sonic 06? Nope!

Amy: Here's my impression of the ending of Zelda: The Windwaker! (jumps up in the air, cleaves through Rouge's head with her hammer)

-One revival later-

Shadow: Weapons sales to minors? Hmm…

Cream: (bribes Shadow) I really want that plant bitch dead!

Cosmo: How many more times are you going to kill me before I get to kill you? (ducks behind Blaze)

Jill: You'll see in the next review…(watches Cream shoot through Blaze into Cosmo)

Jack: On a lighter tone, I like the next dare! (gives Eggman the screwdriver) For sure, the deadliest weapon of all! (grabs Eggman's hand, stabs the screwdriver into Eggman's face repeatedly) Stop killing yourself! Stop killing yourself! Stop killing yourself! Stop killing yourself…

Eggman: OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!…

Rouge: That reminds me of this one time, at band camp, when I-

Jill: Stop with the American Pie references!

-One "suicide" later-

Big: (with frog legs sticking out of his mouth) Hmm?

Jill: I knew I shouldn't have covered Froggy in that fish paste…

Tikal: Just one? Damn it! (bribes Shadow for a sniper rifle, prepares the shot) Hmm…I should do this very carefully-Aw screw it! I'll just shoot into the crowd randomly! (one fan girl down)

 _GET READY FOR THIS!_  
 _EVERYONE IN THE AMORPHOUS+ VIDEO GAME W00t_  
 _Cosmo: same as Tails first dare_  
 _Amy: You and Blaze: HUG MUHAHAHAHAHA_  
 _Shadow: GET YOUR FAT HEAD STUCK IN A TOILET_  
 _Sonic: Declare UNDYING LOVE FOR A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER_  
 _Amy: EAT SONIC AGAIN_  
 _JAck: I DEMAND THAT P.B. JELLYFISH IS PUT IN HERE_  
 _P.B.: You grab an Apache helicopter and kill everyone off with your electricity in the most painful way!_  
 _Tails: Revenge time! Hit Cream with the galaxy Gun from starwars!Cream: You have been convicted of liking Tails. The TailsxCosmo fangirls will put you to death on the pendulum! I DONT GIVE A FLYING ** IF MACHINE OF MALICE SAYS IT DONT WORK! -reviewer powers- NOW IT DOES ROFLMAO_  
 _Shadow: Neuter uself over and over again_  
 _All: Bind and gag Tikal and throw her to a Malawi terror beast!_  
 _-turns knuckles into microscopic and throws him into spore cell stage- XD LOL_  
 _-throws jill i after him- 9passes out from laughter at the very thought of it_  
 _All have a pit match with infinite acklays!_  
 _-throws pokemon in the show- DIE_  
 _Amy: get your head stuck in blazes butt_  
 _Blaze: ditto_  
 _Froggy: Get rabies and begin an epidemic!_  
 _-Alterer_

Jack: Look at the length of that one!

Cosmo: I don't get that. By "everyone" you would naturally assume that Tails and I would be included!

Jack: (sends the Sonic characters to the magical land of blob things)

Sonic: What's that giant red thing over there-OH NO, IT'S THE QUEEN!

Shadow: This is sounding more and more like the plot of "Aliens"…

-One blob butchering later-

Amy: Sure! (hugs Blaze) Because you're not after Sonic anymore, right?

Blaze: Well, I could still see myself possibly going out with him in the future-(stabbed by a certain fan girl)

Shadow: My head isn't fat!

Jill: Only one way to find out! (shoves Shadow into a toilet)

Jack: Catch ya later, Shadow dude!

Jill: What did I say about you two acting like Bill and Ted?

Jack:…Sorry. (watches Shadow drown)

Rouge: And THAT reminds me of this one time, at band camp, when I-

Jill: NOT AGAIN!

Rouge: (silence)

Jill: (hypnotizes Sonic) Look! Your soul mate!

Sonic: (grabs the roll of toilet paper, starts singing a sonnet to it)

Jack: Whoa…okay, Sonic singing opera is just wrong!

Amy: If I can't have you love me, I'll make you a part of me! (stabs Sonic repeatedly)

Jill: (gives Amy a plate) Make the bishie a part of you!

Amy: I didn't mean that-mmph! (gets Sonic stuffed into her mouth)

Jill: She looks like she's choking to death…

Jack: Excellent! (does an air guitar with music in the background)

Jill: (facepalm) Whatever…

Jack: (looks on computer) Wow…this is a pretty obscure Sonic character! But he is

one, nonetheless…(sends for P.B. Jellyfish)

Jill: (sighs) P.B. Jellyfish…will SEGA ever run out of puns to name their characters?

P.B.: (flies in on a helicopter) I'm firing up my amps! (starts shooting electricity in more directions than thought possible)

-One mass killing later-

Jack: (revives everyone) What's the Galaxy Gun?

Jill: It looks like a completely pointless weapon! Why didn't they just build another Death Star like they usually do?

Cream: How do you kill someone on a pendulum?

Jack: I honestly don't know!

Tails: (hops into the Tornado, flies up into space) Why should I blow her up? Well, I guess pointless destruction is better than no destruction! (blows up Cream)

Shadow: How do I lose my babymakers again and again?

Jill: The vets will find a way! (drags Shadow off to his new trauma)

Tikal: A Malawi terror beast?

Jack: Some rabid hyena with deformed hind legs! (ships Tikal off to Africa)

Jill: Umm…how are we going to do the next one?

Tails: (flies back down) That's where science comes in! (starts building a shrinking machine)

Jack:…How did you ever lose your virginity?

Tails: (glares, then finishes machine)

Jill: (drags Knuckles into it) YAY!

-One shrinking later-

Jack: Wow…that cell is dominating! It's already lined up Knuckles badly!

Tails: I'm learning a lot more about cells than I ever wanted to know!

Sonic: I think we're all mentally scarred again!

-One multi-cell reproduction later-

Jack: Acklays? Like from Star Wars?

Jill: It looks like a miniature version of the Cloverfield monster!

Jack: Wow…so we can say, for once, ACCEPTED Cloverfield monster design! (teleports those stupid Sonic characters into the pit match)

Jill: (shouts) Release the monsters!

Janitor: (opens the doors, causing acklays and Pokemon to swarm in)

Rouge: This situation reminds me of that time in band camp when I-

Everyone: (shouts) We don't want to know!

Espio: Hey, I was kind of interested in hearing-(silenced by an enemy)

Sonic: AH! (holds up Silver as a shield) Kill him before me!

Silver: What?! You've got to be kidding me-(killed by a Hyper Beam)

Shadow: (using his skills to kill all in sight) Wait…did you say infinite? Damn…(gives up)

Knuckles: My voice gives me super strength! (does a couple of punches)

Sonic: I knew it…you're the Tristan of our group!

-One Pokemassacre later-

Jack: Why do we get the weird dares? (creates the weird thing out of Blaze and Amy)

Jill: I like the last one, though! (injects Froggy with rabies)

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Must…kill…must…KILL!) (hops off to the nearby pet shelter)

Jack: How charming! He's going to create an army of rabid pets and kill us all!

Jill: Hooray!

 _lolz!ok i dare big to go into a empty room jam a bullet in his head with a an empty never used have a gunblade_  
 _-Oblivion Sage_

Jack: I guess Big might as well kill himself before the army comes his way!

Jill: (hands Big the bullet and hammer)

Big: Uhhhh…what do I have to do this time?

Jill: Die! (shoves Big into a nearby room)

Big: Uhhhh…how do I do that?

Jill: (sighs) You've got to be kidding me!

Jack: You've been on this fic for a long time, and you still don't know how to die?

Big: Uhhhh….Oh yeah! I remember now! (starts the severe self-beating)

Rouge: Wow…this is just like that time in band camp when I-

Jill: How many sexual experiences did you have at that one band camp?

Rouge: Trust me, you don't want to know!

Jack: American Pie references aside, let's get to Shadow's gift!

Shadow: (takes the gunblade) Sweet! I'm just like Squall from Final Fantasy! Except…it doesn't look receptive to love!

Jack: Not unless you want to be neutered yet again!

Shadow: (starts tearing up) How could you betray me like this, new love that I just met 5 seconds ago? (throws the gun blade into a nearby weapons pile)

Jack: And now, I might as well mention another discovery of what some Sonic characters relate to in pop culture! I'm talking about Team Chaotix!

Jill: What did SEGA steal from for those personalities?

Jack: The personalities of Team Chaotix rip-off the Aqua Teen Hunger Force! Think about it…Espio is Master Shake, Vector is Frylock, and Charmy is Meatwad! It's so obvious!

Charmy: But Meatwad's voice is annoying!

Everyone: (awkward silence)

Charmy: (grumbles)

Jack: So you guys are basically the Aqua Teen Sonic Force!

Jill: If someone makes a fic out of that, it would be awesome!

Jack: I know! Someone totally should! If someone does make one, and makes it funny, I shall give them tons of applause!

Yet another new idea spread to the Sonic fanbase! What connection shall I figure out next? One can never know…


	84. Many ultimate powers at play

Many ultimate powers at play

Let's all do a stereotypical evil laugh for no reason! MUHAHAHAHA!

Jack: Wow…I'm getting so popular! I'm feeling more and more like Light Yagami from Death Note!

Jill: (rolls eyes) And we all know how that turned out…

 _Here's one for Mephiles:_  
 _Tell him that the only reason he exists as he does is because he sent Shadow into the future, and by doing so set forward the chain of events that led to Shadow trapping him in the Scepter ten years ago..._  
 _In other words... Mephiles tried to destroy the reason he's a bad guy! How's that for a mind blower?_  
 _-Rae Logan_

Mephiles: What?! But…

Jill: It all comes down to the debate of whether Mephiles was evil before the Scepter or not until after the Scepter!

Jack: But even if Mephiles was evil before the Scepter, then by sending Shadow to the future he allowed Shadow to get the Chaos Emerald that Shadow needed to go back in time and put Mephiles in the Scepter in the first place!

Jill: So either way, Mephiles is an idiot!

Jack: Precisely.

Mephiles: (grumbles) Those fools shall suffer...at the fate of some long, delayed plan that takes forever to execute and only requires a small move!

 _Sonic and Tails: dress as schoolgirls and have Amy spank you._  
 _Cream: make Sonic, Tails, and Shadow make out_  
 _Cosmo: perform brain surgery on Charmy_  
 _Rouge: Take a ** and screw Jack._  
 _Blaze: Fight Chuck Norris to the death_  
 _-Nobody_

Sonic: Aw (bleep)!

Amy: Ummm…why not just the bishie?

Jill: Because it's more humiliating!

Tails: (puts on dress)

Sonic: (also puts on a dress) It's more of a problem for me! He's used to it!

Tails: (gives the finger to Sonic)

Jack: Sonic's right, you know!

Amy: (grabs the paddle) Who wants to get creepy? (starts the punishment)

Shadow: I'm not jumping in with those two. No (bleep)ing way.

Cream: (puts up a gun) make out! This sounds funny!

Shadow: (walks to the cross-dressers while fan girls start cheering)

Sonic: I've already had enough of this! A makeout session?

Tails: We'd best get this over with!

Shadow: (grins) Yeah, Sonic. Listen to the one who's had plenty of experience making out with guys!

Tails: (gives the finger to Shadow)

-One forced makeout later-

Jill: This next dare sounds like fun! Let's put Charmy under anesthesia and get ready!

Jack: (knocks out Charmy with a crowbar) What anesthesia?

Cosmo: But…I'm not a brain surgeon! We can build complex spaceships that transcend the speed of light using efficient, renewable energy…but that's rocket science, not brain surgery!

Jack: All I'm hearing is "The patient is ready, doctor"! (shoves Cosmo into operating room) Oh, and try to make him less annoying if you can!

Cosmo: AUGH!

Rouge: (accepts "gift") Hey jack…it looks like its Soviet Russia!

Jack: (rolls eyes) Damn. In Soviet Russia, Rouge screw you! (gets taken into closet)

Blaze: Why does this person want me to die?

Jill: I don't know, just fight!

Norris: (descends from the clouds, kicks Blaze out of this world)

Sonic: That was short.

Jill: What did you expect? It was (bleep)ing Chuck Norris!

 _Congratulations Jack! And don't worry we don't care that you have less time to update. This fic is too awesome to care._  
 _Just one_  
 _Me(Taylor): Wreak havoc with my power over water, fire, earth, air, light, and shadow_  
 _-Samari45_

Jack: Thanks!

Jill: AH! Oh…For a second there, I thought you were re-enacting Captain Planet!

Jack: AH! (hides) Oh…it's not that show! There's no annoying "heart" power that's mostly useless when compared to the others! Phew…

Jill: Though for some reason, those powers remind me of what you have to collect in Zelda: Ocarina of Time!

-One moment of everything being destroyed later-

Jack: Holy (bleep)…we actually made it to some reviews for Chapter 35!

 _1337 dare time!1!1! okay 1 have everyone get really fat and blow up! 2 have Rouge preform every sexual act ever made! 3 everyone have a orgy with eachother while they're fat from dare 1! sorry for the short dare/review but im writing on my PSP._  
 _-toastwolf117_

Jill:…And it starts off really creepy!

Jack: (sets up a table) Now feed, you Sonic characters! Feed until there is no food left! (makes the food keep reappearing)

-Much later-

Jill: (covering eyes) Those Sonic characters are so gross to look at!

Jack: Don't worry…it'll be over soon! Then they'll pop like balloons!

Janitor: (uses a forklift to take each one into a GIANT closet)

Jack: Let's…get out of here! We might lose our hearing from all the popping!

-One mass killing of heart attacks/popping during sex later-

Jill: Are they…normal again?

Jack: (revives the Sonic characters) Yep.

Rouge: So you want a combo number 45?

Jill: You actually HAVE that on your hooker listing?

Rouge: Of course! What better way to please than every way?

Jill:…You really disturb everyone. A lot.

Rouge: (starts taking her "clients" into the closet)

Jack: Look at this list of what she needs for it! Barbed wire, tasers, nuclear weapons…man, some crazy stuff is going on in there!

 _QUESTIONS *lightning strikes in the background*_  
 _Jack: what part of the fic did you enjoy the most?_  
 _Sonic: do you hate there being way too many hedgehog OCs?_  
 _Tails: did you enjoy being evil?_  
 _Knuckles: ever thought about learning the Falcon Punch? (if yes, Falnic or Captain Falcon comes and teaches him)_  
 _Shadow: do you think this fic needs MOAR CHAOS BLAST?_  
 _Dares:everyone not answering a question: decipher this_  
 _1337 H4_  
 _-TARDISreviewer_

Jack: Hmm…that's a good question! Every now and then in this fic, I wind up typing some extremely funny chapter. I don't know why this happens every now and then, but it does. Whether it's something sparking in my brain during that time, or if I'm just watching good comedy at the time, or if I just got some good questions and dares to answer in that chapter, I can't tell. Some of these "miracle chapters" include Chapter 11, Chapter 13, Chapter 21, Chapter 25, Chapter 34, Chapter 36, Chapter 37...

Jill: At least, those are the miracle chapters within the first half of this fic! There's several in the second half of this fic as well!

Sonic: HELL YES! Whenever it's a guy, it becomes a hot bishie that can compete with me! And whenever it's a girl, they stalk me almost as much as Amy!

Amy: (glomps Sonic) Emphasis on "almost"!

Tails: What do you mean "did"? I love being the pimp of the world!

Jack: And we did the Knuckles one already…

Shadow: Yes! Chaos Blast! (blows up the stage again, to the Janitor's dismay) Also, it needs more cowbell! (coolness level escalates)

Espio: Hmm…what could this strange code mean?

Vector: This looks harder to decipher than any of those temples ruins I've been to!

Eggman: Some combination of numbers and letters? WHAT?! How could anyone ever work with numbers AND letters?

Jill: Basic algebra?

Eggman: (glares) I still can't figure this code…maybe if I sent alien signals to it, we would find a response!

Jack: (stifling laughter) Go ahead, Doctor!

-Many epic Eggman failures later-

Eggman: (tearing up a piece of paper angrily) What could this mean? It's impossible to solve!

Jack: It says "Leet, Ha"!

Espio: What is this "Leet" you speak of?

Jill: (shoves Espio in front of a computer) After a few hours, you will know!

While Espio is busy learning the secrets of the internet (no, I don't mean porn), we shall conclude the chapter.


	85. Blaze's secret

Blaze's secret

Next week, I'm going to be at Scout camp, so no updates then…

 _MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _Dares:_  
 _Shadow: You hate light colors, right? Well...Jack! Grab the paint buckets! Everyone, grab a paintbrush! Have fun!_  
 _Sonic: Everyone is being mean to you! Time for payback! Attack Amy!_  
 _Blaze: You can only say the truth for the rest of the chapter if anyone or ANYTHING asks you a question!_  
 _Silver: Everyone keeps saying your slow. Go train yourself to be faster than Shadow! (Shadow Sonic) Then race Sonic and whip him! Throw him to the fans! (boys or girls)_  
 _Mephiles: You suck! And you scare me...Silver! Shadow! Kill Him!_  
 _Amy: Stop chasing Sonic! Go after Mephiles...(HA!)_  
 _Knuckles: Jill! Closet! Now! Or else..._  
 _Tails: If Knuckles doesn't go in the closet with Jill, grab a paint ball gun, and color him in girly colors. Also, kill the Silver fans who are raising to the stage. Don't let them hurt him! Or else you'll get thrown in the fan pit!_  
 _Cosmo: Help Tails_  
 _Cream: Help Tails and switch personalities with Shadow afterward._  
 _Jet: Be a good birdie XD (Jack, throw him into the fangirls!)_  
 _Tikal: Attack the fangirls! Good luck surviving!Espio: Attack someone for no reason!_  
 _Charmy: Annoy Jill till she swats at you._  
 _Vector: Learn how to sing, and play good_  
 _Metal Sonic: I hate you too. Have Shadow kill you._  
 _Rouge: Sing Skater Boi! Then attack Jill!_  
 _Everyone else: Fight each other, losers go to the fans._  
 _I'm done, but I'll be back MWAHAHAHA!_  
 _P.S. If you can guess who my fav character is, you get a free non-toxic cookie.(Silver) However, guess wrong and you get a poison cookie (unless Silver guesses wrong, he gets a good cookie always ^_^). Everyone has to guess, so choose well...and Jack, don't tell them which they got, but if you give them the wrong cookies, I will use my FANGIRL powers on you and your fans._  
 _MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_  
 _-Starla the Hedgehog_

Shadow: Damn it! Why is everyone going after the top bishie?

Everyone: (expresses their artistic dreams on Shadow)

-Much later-

Jill: He looks like a rainbow!

Jack: Or an LSD tip!

Shadow: (looks at himself) HEY! Who painted my (bleep) pink?

Everyone: (laughing)

Sonic: I can…kill a fan girl?

Jack: You mean you honestly never thought of doing that?

Sonic: No…but it makes so much sense! (does a jump attack at Amy)

Amy: Ooooh! A blue volleyball! Let me catch it-AH! (gets beaten to death by Sonic's jump attack)

Jack: (shoves a truth serum down Blaze's throat)  
Blaze: What the hell was that for?

Jack: Did you score with Silver in Sonic 06?

Blaze: No! I tried advancing on him, but he wouldn't respond to my advances! (covers up mouth in horror)

Jack: The VG Cat look-alike speaks!

Blaze: I am not a VG Cat!

Jill: But it's your ambition to join them, isn't it?

Blaze: Yes! (covers up mouth again) Damn it! They know my secret…

Jack: Since we now know that Silver is slow at getting it on, we might as well prepare him for being fast at running!

Sonic: That's going to take a long time for him to beat me…

Jill: Nope. I think Silver's ready right now! (fires the starting gun)

Silver: WHAT?!

Sonic: (starts running)

Silver: How do I win against him-(gets hypnotized into seeing the Cloverfield monster behind him) AHHHHHH! (zooms past Sonic)

-One ass-whooping later-

Sonic: (being pulled away by the hands of fan girls from the darkness) NO! They'll make me do things…terrible things!

Mephiles: I'm supposed to scare you! I'm the (bleep)ing devil!

Amy: I don't want that uggo!

Mephiles: I am not an uggo!

Amy: You are too!

Mephiles: (starts crying)

Shadow: I don't want to kill someone that's crying. It's more fun when they're fighting me!

Silver: (starts crying also)

Shadow: Why are you crying? We have to kill him!

Silver: I don't know! (continues crying)

Shadow: (rolls eyes) (bleep) this! Chaos Blast! (blows up Mephy)

Mephiles: For the last time, my name's not Mephy-(dies)

Knuckles: (grunts) Fine. Just cut down on the raping a bit, all right?

Jill: Anything for you, Knuckie! (takes Knuckles into a closet)

Fan girls: (start heading toward Silver)

Tails: Help someone? Or the fan girls take me? Hmm…that actually sounds kind of sexy to me-(notices what they're doing to Sonic) Never mind! (starts shooting at the fan girls closing in on Silver)

Fan girls: (still overpower Silver)

Tails: They're eating him…and then they're going to eat me…OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOODS! (Haven't you heard about Troll 2?)

Jack: They're not eating him! They're just doing horrible, traumatic things to him!

Cream: (dives into the crowd, rescues Silver) I need some backup to get out of here!

Jack: Cosmo, use Vine Whip!

Cosmo: Oh, not again-(shoots a vine that pulls Silver and Cream out of the crowd)

Cream: (fetal position) Those fan girls…how can I live now?

Jill: (head out of closet) It looks like we got Cream to act like Shadow…now how do we get Shadow to act like Cream?

Jack: I've got the idea! (heads over to Shadow, holds up a "mystery bag")

-One That 70s Show circle later-

Shadow: Dude…the world is freaking me out, man!

Jack: (laughing) Totally! Look at all those colors…(reaches out into the air)

Shadow: It's all so pretty…and stuff!

Jill: Well…I guess that's good enough!

Jet: Are you guys taking drugs? Right on the stage?

Jack: AH! What's causing that sound?

Shadow: (covering ears) Get rid of it, man, get rid of it!

Jack: (pushes Jet off the stage) I think it's gone, man!

Tikal: But-(mutilated by fan girls)

Jack: She didn't even get a full word out? Scary…

Espio: Impulsive killing? I can do that! (chops off Knuckles' head with a throwing star)

Charmy: ANNOYANCE…POWER! HiJillwhat'supyouwannahangoutand-

Jill: (beats Charmy with a swatter at each word) SHUT-THE-(bleep)-UP!

Vector: How do I learn this magical thing you call "good singing"?

Jill: Just listen to your music about a million times! You'll be so horrified, you'll start singing good!

Vector: (puts on his headphones with fear)

Shadow: I'm sensing a disturbance, man…

Jack: (looks up with fear) Where?

Shadow: That robot's creeping me out! (points to Metal Sonic)

Jack: WHOA! It almost looks like Sonic!

Shadow: That's why it creeps me out! (turns off Metal Sonic's power switch) There…that's better!

Jack: Excellent! (does an air guitar)

Rouge: (shrugs) Sure. (starts singing) He was a boy, she was a girl…

-One round of Avril Lavigne later-

Vector: I can sing now! (starts playing background instruments)

Jill: (slices Rouge's throat before Rouge can have a chance to attack) You're not singing, Vector!

Vector: (shrugs) Whatever.

Jack: Yeah, I want to watch the bloodbath!

Jill: (rolls eyes) Fine! We'll get to the fighting! (throws the unmentioned into an arena)

Eggman: Go, my robot army!

Omega: (shoots Eggman)

Big: Uhhhh…YAAAAY! (gets shot by Gamma)

Storm: (stand in front of Wave) Boss says I godda protect ya, Wave!

Scourge: (blows up Storm with a grenade)

Wave: Like, NOOOOOOOOO! This blood is going to totally ruin my outfit! Couldn't you have, like, waited until TOMORROW to blow up? Like, oh my gosh!

Sally: I'll kill the annoyance for us all! (approaches Wave)

Wave: Going naked is, like, so last week! Not to even mention-(gets strangled by Sally)

-One epic bloodbath later-

Fans: (take the bodies of the losers)

Jill: They didn't have to fight to the death!

Jack: Of course not! They just chose to die rather than face the fans alive!

Jill: Oh…

-One HUGE revival later-

Jill: Who is Starla's favorite?

Big: Uhhh…Froggy?

Knuckles: I know it! It's…um…Shadow! Yeah!

Everyone else: (in a monotone voice) Silver.

Big and Knuckles: (keel over from the poison cookies)

Jack: Let's get going…that took forever to do!

 _I've got some truths for everyone!_  
 _Rouge:Why are you such a **? I don't mean to brag..._  
 _Tails:Why don't you support a soccer team for once?_  
 _Shadow:Are you emo?_  
 _Marine:Is tails your REAL love or are you cheating on him?_  
 _-ALEX 88 THE BAT_

Rouge: The answer is…sex feels good! I like it!

Jill: But do you have to take it in such high amounts?

Rouge: (glares)

Tails: A soccer team? Why?

Jill: Because you can then crawl up the ranks of the world's most popular sport…until you take it over, controlling a major part of the world!

Tails: Genius! (runs off)

Shadow: (sighs) Depends on what you define as emo. (grumbles)

Jack:…Sounds pretty emo to me.

Marine: Crikey! How would I benefit from cheating on my little bugga? Stone the flaming crows, I like him!

Jack: (shoots the stereotype)

 _I have but one dare for you_  
 _Rouge, Blaze: Closet, now._  
 _Thank you for honoring this request._  
 _-Worm the hedgehog_

Guys: WOOOOT!

Shadow: Those bodacious babes…together? Excellent!

Jack: (does an air guitar with Shadow)

Jill: You're never going to end the Bill and Ted thing, are you?

Jack: Not until I'm bored with it!

Yuri fan boys: (take the bodacious babes into a closet)

Espio: So hot…to think about! (has a heart attack)

-Some revivals later-

 _Alright, with Valentine's day out of the way, it's time for more suffering! The unlucky person this time is... BLAZE! Hm... Actually, I have a better idea!_  
 _Blaze: I will not torture you, but only if you sleep with me the rest of this chapter and the next one without stopping! You can stop for dares and truths, but that's it! Otherwise, I've got a bunch of dares for you._  
 _Unfortunately for the rest of you Sonic characters, you will not be exempt from my reviews! Just remember that it's all Sonic's fault! Kill him! (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Blaze: (heads out of closet) Is my part of this chapter over yet?

Jack: Far from it! (shows the dare to Blaze)

Blaze: Torture…or sex? Torture, or sex?

Rouge: You could do torture sex!

Everyone: (back away from Rouge)

Blaze: I guess I'll go with sex…(heads to Super Dragon's fic)

Sonic: That was a long time ago! Can't we all just forget it and get along now? (killed by everyone)

 _Tails: I dare YOU to shoot shadow and steal his chaos emerald then chaos blast blaze and steal the sol emeralds AND go to san andreas and give the emeralds to the rival gangs as a bribe to join Grove Street and when you return give silver a cup of coffee (MAKE SURE YOU SPIKE IT OR ELSE YOU [bleep]!)_  
 _Everyone: I dare you to lure tails onto the stage and ambush him and keep on stabbing him to death in front of the Tails fangirls_  
 _Tails again: I dare you to play air guitar and when you're done play on the playstation game DESTRUCTION DERBY and don't stop until you complete every mode. (p.s your sound!)_  
 _-Matt the fox_

Tails: (comes back from sports domination) Blam! (shoots Shadow)

Shadow: (falls over) OW! Did you have to shoot me? I would've just given them to you…

Tails: And how would that be fun?

Shadow:…True.

Tails: (takes the Chaos Emeralds, then teleports to Super Dragon's fic)

-At the fic that updates less often than VG Cats-

Tails: (bursts into closet) Where are you-AUGH!

Blaze: Tails?! What the (bleep) are you doing in here? We're kind of busy, if you don't see-

Tails: CHAOS BLAST!

-In San Andreas-

Tails: You guys wear GREEN?

Carl: Hey! We're the most powerful gang in the three cities!

Tails: (sighs) Fine. (hands over emeralds) I could've gotten a lot more for them on eBay…

-Back on stage-

Tails: What was so important that I had to be called back here?

Jill: Remember, guys…Tails has a huge fortune! Whoever kills him now can get it!

Tails: What? I don't have-(pounced on, stabbed)

Tails fan girls: (start rioting)

Jack: (bleep)!

Silver: (notices the coffee in Tails' hands) Cool! What better thing for me to do than impulsively drink this? (chugs the coffee, then pupils start dilating) Where am I…

Jill: STOP! (revives Tails)

Fan girls: (quiet down)

Tails: Ummm…sure. (does an air guitar motion)

Fan girls: (cheering)

Tails: (starts playing Destruction Derby) Die, you evil cars, DIE!

Jill: But Tails' situation goes down from here…

 _Tails: get screwed by a group of huge dogs_  
 _-Anonymous_

Jill: (sprays female-in-heat perfume on Tails)

Tails: (coughing) What the (bleep) is that? And why does it turn me on?

Dogs: (pounce on Tails)

Tails: AHHHHH! This is messed up!

Jill: HEY! You've stopped playing Destruction Derby!

Tails: I'm kind of busy right now, if haven't noticed!

Jill: Being raped is no excuse for not playing the game! Now play!

Tails: (grumbles) Fine…(continues playing while his torture continues)

Jack: That was a very weird moment, so let's distract our readers with something else!

Espio: Ha…ha…

Jill: What happened?

Jack: He was on the internet for too long! Now he's addicted to the Angry Video Game Nerd!

Espio: Ha…Dr. Jekyll and Hyde…sucks…

Jack: Just wait until ten years from now, when he starts reviewing YOUR games!

Espio: (gulps) The 3D Sonic games aren't THAT crappy!

Jill: That I would disagree with!

Espio: (starts crying)

Jill: So, what have we learned this chapter?

Jack: That Blaze wants to be one of the VG Cats…and that's about it!

There are many distractions preventing me from updating this fic more often…


	86. A Truly Evil, Annoying Creature!

A Truly Evil, Annoying Creature!

Sonic: Truth or Dare…Doctors recommend taking it with a glass of water 3 times a day!

Jill: Let's finish the reviews for Chapter 35 and head into Chapter 36's reviews!…But first, we've got a holiday!

 _Happy One Year Anniversary in Fanfiction (at this day)_  
 _As for a random dare, dress Tails up in a cheerleader outfit and make him do a show infront of the fangirls (with Cream and Cosmo front and center)_  
 _Also, let Shadow munch on Chili Dogs in front of Sonic's face without Sonic doing a thing._  
 _-Pikfan_

Jack: Pikfan is right…I've been a user on this site for a year now! Though I initially made my account just for reviewing fics, not writing them!

Jill: How so much has changed…

Tails: Aw, no! (puts on the outfit) I never should have cross-dressed…EVER!

Fan girls: (starts cheering for the chibi)

Tails: (re-enacts the dance from "American Beaut" exactly)

Jack: (blinks) I wasn't expecting that!

Jill: AUTHORESS POWERS! (paralyzes Sonic)

Shadow: (grabs chili dogs, then grins) This will make my day better! (starts eating slowly in front of Sonic) Man, these taste so good…it's too bad there's no one to share them with!

Sonic: (turning purple in the face)

Shadow: Getting angry already? This is going to be fun…

Jack: Now that we're done with the holiday…we shall combine three reviews from the same person into one review in a random order!

 _i dare you to fuse charmy with tingle and navi to create the ultament annoying lifeform. (Evil laughter that shakes the world before earth cracks open) oh son of a - falls in -_  
 _I dare sonic to make out with blaze in front of silver and amy and to throw all four of them into the fangirls. I also dare you to let sonic face two million shadows and sonics each._  
 _holy * that chapter was funny dude you and pyro and keybladeboy are the ausomest guys here. and also next time throw them all in at once with fanboys for the girls_  
 _-hero of creation_

Jill: (gasps) YOU WOULDN'T!

Jack: (sighs) We have no choice…the world is doomed!

Tingle: (flies onto stage) Where is that fairy? Are any of you fairies?

Everyone: (points to Silver)

Tingle: I MUST CATCH YOU! (chases after a screaming Silver)

Silver: HELP! Some 35-year-old loser is trying to molest me!

Navi: (flies in) HEY! Will any of you listen to my advice? LISTEN!

Tingle: (starts going after Navi)

Navi: WATCH OUT! (notices Jack with the Fusionator) LOOK!

Jack: (fuses the three together into a great monstrosity)

Monster: HEY! I like sugar! Do you want a map? (causes an earthquake)

Jill: Kill it! NOW!

Jack: Fine! (uses a giant swatter to crush it) Phew…

Blaze: (walks onto stage) Did I hear the world nearly ending again?

Jill: Yep, but we saved the day!

Sonic: Amy, get away from me!

Amy: But I was scared, Sonic! I want to be with you forever!

Sonic: I can't! I'm…um…(randomly makes out with Blaze)

Amy: (develops a demonic voice) **YOU MUST DIE!** (starts fighting Blaze)

Silver: (starts crying nearby)

Jill: (shrugs, then kicks the four into the fan girls)

Fan girls: (fight over who they should kill first)

Sonic: (pulls himself back onto the stage) Yes! I survived so I could-(notices the army of clones)-fight two million clones of myself and my rival? (finished)

-A few revivals later-

Wave: Fan boys? Like, no way!

Jack: (teleports the guys out) You will go into that pit, NOW! (creates a wall, slides it across to push everyone still on the stage into the fan boys below)

Guys: (head back onto stage)

Shadow: Look at what the fan boys are doing…

Jack: Totally crazy stuff! But it looks like karma is showing up in this next review…

 _make every boy have sex with every girl including fan girls and make them all marry eachohter and have 100 baibes. thanks oh and make every one naked for 5 chapters thats all but i will be back_  
 _-super dragon_

Jack: I doubt this is the Super Dragon we know…this review was posted anonymously! Also, his reviews are usually a LOT bigger!

Sonic: WHAT?! Are you seriously sending us into there?

Jack: Of course! (creates a wall, does the same as before)

Fan girls: (putting the fan boys to shame with their actions)

-Many marriages and babies later-

Everyone: (heads back onto stage in their Birthday Suits)

Blaze: 5 chapters? These dares are pissing me off! (heads back to Super Dragon's fic quickly)

Jack: Yes, and I'm also going to be gone for a whole week!

Sonic: No clothes for a week? Nice!

Jack: Even longer than that, since 5 chapters aren't quick to write! Also, I might start working more on the parody again during this time…

Jill: (walks up to Jack and slaps him) You didn't have to push ME into the fan boys!

Jack: (face palm) I knew I was forgetting someone!

Jill: Well, give me my clothes back!

Jack: I can't. The reviewers have too much power!

Jill: Well, why do you still have clothes?

Jack: I've got a strong storage of Author Powers on me…so don't even think of trying to get them off!

Everyone: (charges at Jack)

Jack: (blasts them all back) See what I mean? I'm not going to lose my clothes this chapter! Now, let's get to the next review-

Rouge: (stands between Jack and the fan girl crowd, starts shaking) Here, boy!

Jack: BOOBIES! (runs toward Rouge)

Rouge: (steps aside, trips Jack into the fan girl crowd)

-Much, much later-

Jack: (walks onto stage missing his clothes) Stupid fan girls…

 _now im happy see (points to face this is my happy face (eyes are full of insanity this is what happens to people whos mother is a freakin ** and a dad that is evil and partily insane)) but wat to do wat to do ohh have knuckles tell tikal that he loves her they go to the closet then kill her (yay death) also-_  
 _men in white suit wat are u doing out of ur room necros (pulls out syringe) come quietly and nobody gets hurt._  
 _necro: ** you ima never going back (runs off only to get shot in back by a tazer)_  
 _doctor lets get him back to his room (puts straghit jacket on him)_  
 _necros hey mind the wings and ow not my tails let me GO hears scream in background_  
 _-revan blackheart_

Knuckles: So if I say I love her..she'll put out?

Jack: Indeed!

Knuckles: Success! Tikal, I love you!

Tikal: (closeting time)

Jill:…Is that second part requiring us to do anything?

Jack: I don't think so. Let's ignore it!

 _Falls over lauging, I love monty python!_  
 _Sonic: Here eat this chilidog(dont tell him its made of uranium)_  
 _Amy:See how long it takes somebody to kill you after i give you chipmunk pitched voice!_  
 _Knuckles: Marry Rouge! Have a nice honeymoon._  
 _Rouge: After honeymoon and a week of marrige rob him blind and divorce him._  
 _Metal Sonic: Go fight omega and gamma in a daethmatch._  
 _Cosmo: Send Cream into the woods then use your nature powers to kill her._  
 _Tikal: You, Shadow, Closet now!_  
 _Chaos: Fight Iblis!_  
 _Shadow: You, James Bond, Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, and Mister T. All in one room. Lets see who is the last one standing._  
 _Tails: Go into the video "The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny" And fight! Blood! more Blood!_  
 _Big: Go into a black hole._  
 _Froggy: Push him in and then do whatever youve always wanted to do besides that._  
 _Espio: Go find a girlfriend, you really need one._  
 _Vector: Your still married to Vannila so go bond with Cream when she goes in the woods!_  
 _Charmy: Heres a full nuclear arsenal, Go nuts!_  
 _Jack: After charmy launches the nukes, send him wherever the most were sent._  
 _Blaze: You now love Knuckles!_  
 _Jill: How dare she like knuckles! Kill her! Humiliate her! Just do something utterly horrible!_  
 _Blood! More Blood! Muhahahaha!_  
 _-Bolt the Wolf_

Jack: That review…was a whole page long!

Sonic: (takes the chilidog) Yummy! (bites into it, causing his teeth to break) Ow…that hurt! Oh well! (continues trying to eat it)

Amy: (in a voice that makes a new level of annoying) What? How did this happen? Will I still have my bishie and-(not lasting a second longer)

Knuckles: (heads out of closet) Again? I've done this what, fifty times now?

Rouge: Anywhere away from here is fine with me! (heads off with Knuckles)

Shadow: Does that mean Tikal is still in the closet? Awesome! (goes into closet)

Metal Sonic: (arms turn into guns) Put down your weapons.

Omega: Oh no, a Robocop reference. What next.

Gamma: (points guns at both) Hasta la vista, ba-

Omega: Don't you dare do a Terminator reference. (fires away)

Cosmo: You know, Cream…there's a carrot farm down in the woods nearby!

Cream: Really? Food? (runs off)

Vector: (rolls eyes) You've got to be kidding me! Stupid families…always caring about each other! (walks off grumbling)

Cosmo: (sneaks off after them with dark plans)

Chaos: RA-(crushed by one of Iblis' arms)

Jill: But…he's made of water! How can Chaos be destroyed by Iblis?

Jack: Iblis is too big, I guess!

Jill: (throws Shadow into said room, closes door as the explosions start) How can we get a winner out of that fight?

Jack: It'll be whatever happens when an unstoppable force hits an immovable object! (notices a black hole forming) Damn it!

Jill: That helps with another dare!

Froggy: Ribbit! (Translation: Oh yeah!) (shoves Big into the black hole)

Jack: I guess being free of Big is all Froggy's ever really wanted!

Tails: We haven't had enough blood yet? Alright…(heads to Tokyo)

Chuck Norris: (heads out of the room after kicking ass) We're doing the Ultimate Showdown AGAIN? Man, these ultimate fights are making my schedule really busy…(teleports to Tokyo after Tails)

Espio: Why do I need a girlfriend?

Jill: Look at the losers you hang out with!

Jack: You need to get laid, man!

Espio: Fine…I'll date whoever will put out with me!

Girls: (ignore him)

Espio: (turns invisible) Giggity giggity goo! Time to select a random chick…

Vanilla: (suddenly lifted into air by "invisible force", taken into closet)

Charmy: (takes the remote to Tails' arsenal) Hmm…what does this button do?

Everyone: (ducking) AHHH!

Jack: Oh. That's just to turn on your radio.

Charmy: Cool! And what about this button?

Jack: That button causes the complete annihilation of every living thing in sight!

Charmy: Oh, okay. Well, I'll just listen to some rock for now! (pushes a button, causing nukes to start flying) Damn it! I forgot it was the other button!

Jack: (teleports him to the San Andreas Fault) Hey…Tails had it set to rip-off the plot of the first Superman movie!

Jill: He can't even destroy the world in an original way, can he? Tsk tsk…

Blaze: (heads back onto stage) You said that the VG Cats were hiring a new member?

Jack: No, I lied. (hypnotizes Blaze)

Blaze: (looks at Knuckles) HOT! (pounces on Knuckles, starts doing…naughty things to him)

Knuckles: I don't know if I should hate this or love this-WHOA, THAT FELT GOOD! I love this…

Jill: (grabs an Australian knife, charges at Blaze) For this, you're going to become a dish at a restaurant in China! (starts the hacking and the slashing and the brutal maiming…)

-In the forest-

Cream: Where's those damn carrots?

Vector: (gets his throat slashed by a vine)

Cream: If I could just have that tasty food…(glares at Vector's body) See? You never listen to me! It's just like a stepdad to-(also gets killed by a vine)

-In Tokyo-

Mr. Rogers: (pulls himself on top of a pile of bodies, screams loudly)

Tails: So…it's just the two of us left!

Mr. Rogers: I guess a bit more blood can go onto this sweater…it's a fine day to kill! (draws out a machete)

Tails: (draws out a Hattori Hanzo sword) Ha! I was smart enough to sneak onto the set of Kill Bill before doing this!

Mr. Rogers: Curses! You shall die! (charges at Tails)

Tails: (sidesteps and slices down Mr. Rogers)

-Back on stage-

Rouge: (dives into a pile of money)

Jack: How? How did Tails win that?

Tails: I kept my distance, and when the time was right I struck!

Jill: Hmm…good use of strategy!

Sonic: But…you lasted longer than I did!

Tails: Exactly! You were just some stupid background character nobody cares about!

Sonic: It can't be happening…this is like a Russian Reversal!

Jack: In Soviet Russia, Tails beats Sonic!

Jill: (ships Blaze's body to China) I wonder how many restaurants she will get served in…

And now is when I say goodbye for a week!


	87. Sonic under control

Sonic under control

Apparently, camp has been cancelled early! So an update has come sooner than thought…

Jack: (rolling on the ground in laughter)

Sonic: What's up with him?

Jill: He was watching the "AskThatGuy" videos…all of them!

Jack: Those questions…and those answers! HA!

 _Sonic: You must be shot repeatedly by me because OC's aren't allowed and Kiroki wants me too 'cause she hates you and she could pwn you except for damn RULES..._  
 _Jill: You must be thrown to fanboys._  
 _Shadow and Amy: The closet, now. You guys haven't done it yet and my ** is burning from sitting too long(yes, it can do that)and i'm pretty damn **._  
 _Shadow and Amy: To make up for it, you are both immortal and get to go on a killing spree, NEWTANESIAN STYLE!( gives them both chainsaws with stun guns attached) I'M COMIN' TOO, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHA!_  
 _I'm insane, deal with it._  
 _-NewtGirl_

Sonic: More shooting? I've dodged plenty of bullets before!

Jack: Yeah, when they're fired at you by Eggman's robots, which are horrible shots!

Eggman: (starts pouting)

Sonic: (glares) I can still dodge any bullets-(sniped in the head, then sniped in every part of his body)

Jill: Not more Russian Reversals! (jumps into fan boys while upset)

Espio: Whoa…she's butchering them!

Jack: FLEE! Flee while you still can!

Fan boys: (run)

Shadow: Not another (bleep)ing round with her!

ShadAmy fan girls: (drag them into a closet)

-One "action sequence" later-

Shadow: (bursts out of closet) Now I'm going to get the action I like! (starts firing his stun gun like a machine gun)

Amy: Should I really do this?

Jack: Umm…everyone said that Sonic was too ugly to be a bishie!

Amy: (goes Rambo)

-Much insanity later-

Jack: (revives everyone) Why did that reviewer have to set our most insane male and most insane female on everyone?

 _i dare erazor djinn to go into the closet with all the girls just to get the crap beaten out of him and then to throw him to the fangirls and the horrorous fanboys before you set all the guns to fire at him when he says the word I. oh, and you have to kill sonic and steal the seven rings and chaos emeralds._  
 _-hero of creation_

Sonic: He gets to closet with all of them? Lucky bastard…

Jack: Hey…at least he was smart enough to call you a rat! (summons the lamp from the Foundry, breaks it)

Erazor: (appears in a cloud of smoke) MUHAHA! Who's freed me?

Jack: Where should I start? Should I start by talking about how you rip-off Jafar from Aladdin, or should I start with how you rip-off Majin-Buu from Dragonball: Z, or should I start by saying how your voice rips off that of Agent Smith from The Matrix?

Jill: He's probably their secret threesome lovechild from a million yaoi fics!

Erazor: (glares) Stop teasing about my lack of originality! (starts crying)

Jack: (shoves Erazor into a closet) HEY! He said that…umm…Twilight is the worst book series ever made! Yeah, that'll work…

Females: (storm into closet, make Erazor wish he never signed on with SEGA)

Erazor: AHHH! Stop with the fists! OWWW! Okay, stop with the kicks! AHHH! (gets thrown to fans)

Jill: He's now at their mercy!

Jack: What is this "mercy" you claim that the fans have?

-Lots of "mercy" later-

Jill: Why would he say "I"?

Jack: I don't know! Let's just try? (points to Erazor) Who are you?

Erazor: Me?

Jill: What do you want?

Erazor: Simply, I want-(overkilled more than Chef on South Park)

-One revival later-

Erazor: Finally! I get to do that stupid sacrifice I've been trying all along! Goodbye, Mr. Anderson-I mean, Sonic! (blows up Sonic in a giant fireball)

-One more world domination later-

Tails: Are you a pimp?

Erazor: No.

Tails: Then you'll never own the world!

Erazor: (sighs) Damn it…

 _I dare Blaze to lick the hair off Eggmans back then make a hairball & force Sonic to eat it._  
 _-SoujaGurl_

Blaze: (vomits)

Jack: Ew…I feel your pain!

-One gross act later-

Sonic: (strangles on the hairball)

Jill: Why did you go through that so quickly?

Jack: Would you want to go through covering that dare for too long?

Jill:...True.

 _Have everyone go into battle against the Space Marines from Warhammer 40K, BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!_  
 _-MasterChieflololol_

Jill: This sounds like fun!

Jack: The blood god shall indeed be paid!

Shadow: (gulps) How tough are these guys?

Jack: I've never played Warhammer, but these guys look tough and bulky from what I'm seeing about them!

Tails: So we're basically (bleep)ed.

Jill: You're right on!

Space Marines: (start firing their lasers)

Jack: Shoop da whoop lasers?

Jill: No, lasers as in laser guns!

Jack: Oh…(watches the Sonic characters get massacred) Wow…that blood god might be getting more paid than he thought!

 _Okay, I have some fun dares for you guys..._  
 _Sonic: You shall be injected with a drug that makes you extremely susceptible to the power of suggestion. Everyone, especially Amy, will then take turns suggesting that you do extremely dangerous and/or humiliating things._  
 _Tails: Use a time machine to go back in time and attempt to explain the "facts of life" to your eight-year-old self._  
 _Amy: Work out at a gym until you can run as fast as Sonic. This will allow you to stalk him even more than you already do. You will then follow him literally everywhere he goes. Yes, everywhere. But watch out for the cops, because I called them to tell them that there was a stalker on the loose._  
 _Shadow: I have resurrected and kidnapped Maria. She is now in the extensive dungeon complex beneath my secret fortress. If you do not kill yourself once every twelve lines for the next three chapters, I shall repeatedly kill and resurrect her. The killing shall be done in a most unpleasant manner._  
 _Chris: I'm surprised you're not on this show yet. You shall be now, though. Chris, I absolutely hate you. Go drown yourself in a toilet. Then Jack shall resurrect you and you shall die again and again in whatever creative ways Jack and Jill come up with._  
 _Cosmo: You will suddenly fall madly in love with your arch-enemy, Cream, and spend the next five chapters hitting on her._  
 _Cream: Every time you speak, random words shall be censored, regardless of whether or not they are offensive. This is also true if you try to write something out, and also if you use sign language or any other form of communication whatsoever._  
 _Blaze: Take a bath in ice cream again!_  
 _Silver: Boil your head. Literally._  
 _Knuckles: Go in the closet with the Master Emerald._  
 _Rouge: You are extremely hot. Instead of daring you, I shall ask you for a very important truth: Are those real?_  
 _Charmy: You can have some revenge on Tails. When he gets back from his time trip, you may kill him as many times as you like. However, unfortunately, for every time you injure Tails in some way, you too will be injured in a rather horrid manner of Jack's choice._  
 _Espio: Eat Silver's boiled head._  
 _Vector: Go in the closet with Vanilla._  
 _Vanilla: Go in the closet with Vector, but insert some kind of painful spiked trap into your nether regions before hand and neglect to tell him about it. It must be very, very_  
 _Mephiles: Unlike many people, I happen to like you somewhat. Borrow Shadow's gun collection and kill many, many fangirls. Unfortunately, at the end of the chapter, Jack will torture you to death._  
 _Robotnik/Eggman: Bring your two minions Scratch and Grounder onto the stage and have them try to capture the drugged Sonic. Easy, right? Right. However, you have a handicap. You see, every other noun that you utter will be replaced with the word "pingas"._  
 _At the end of the chapter, everyone who isn't dead will get to go in the closet with a person of their choice._  
 _-myskyisdarkerthanthine_

Jill: (revives everyone)

Sonic: (swallows the drugged chili dog) Awesome…what kind of suggestions?

Jack: Anything! Now get me a sandwich! (receives sandwich) Fun!

Amy: (grins) You see that S&M gear in the closet? You know what to do…(takes Sonic to closet)

Tails: (heads into time machine) Why do I feel so horrible about this?

Amy: (heads out of closet) But I can already catch him with his last dare!

Jack: But he still thinks you're fat!

Amy: (runs off to gym crying)

Shadow: (fetal position) MARIA!

Jack:…I don't think he's going to do anything.

Jill: Hey! That's just copping out of covering the many suicides!

Jack: Well, yeah…when I get a review this big, I'm going to go over the dares as little as possible!

Chris: But…why does everyone hate me?

Jack: Hmm…the annoying addiction to Sonic you have, most likely! (shoves Chris into toilet)(drown, drown, drown)

Cosmo: (hypnotized) Must go…lesbo. Hey, baby! (winks at Cream)

Cream: (chops up Cosmo into the next day's veggies) We'll eat Cosmo (bleep) sunrise tomorrow (bleep) we will…HEY! (bleep) were "at" and "and" censored? (bleep) "why"?

Jill: This is actually fun!

Jack: (drags out ice cream tub)

Blaze: (jumps in) So cold…yet so delicious…yet so cold…

Silver: How can I do that to myself?

Jack: Easy! (chops off Silver's head, throws it on a frying pan)

Knuckles: (looks at Master Emerald, then looks at closet) Well…now better than never, I guess! (runs into closet)

-Later-

Amy: (Imagine a pink Arnold Schwarzenegger) Bishie, you're mine!

Sonic: I'm…yours?

Amy: (punches Sonic into a wall) You will do what I say! Again! (takes him into a closet)

Police: (ambush Amy in that closet, causing a fight similar to the police station shootout in The Terminator)

Knuckles: (heads out of his closet crying) It wouldn't put out with me!

Jack: It's a rock.

Rouge: (blinks) Do you really think these would grow naturally? Of course not!

Espio: I'm not eating that.

Jill: (forces Espio's mouth open) Here comes the choo-choo train…or the boiled head! (shoves Silver's head down Espio's throat)

Tails: (heads back…to the future!) I feel so empty inside…

Charmy: (cracks Tails' head open with a baseball bat)

Jack: (throws Charmy into the frying pan) Burn, insect, burn!

Vector: (heads into a closet with Vanilla, then starts screaming)

Jack: I have to admit, that dare was pretty genius…

Mephiles: (summons the weapons)

Yaoi fan girls: YAY! He and Shadow are borrowing guns!

Mephiles: (starts open firing) I do not like Shadow!

Eggman: (summons his most annoying minions ever) You! Capture PINGAS! Now!

Scratch:…What do you mean by that?

Grounder: Do we have to get raped? Ew…

Eggman: What?! I said capture PINGAS!

Scratch: Yeah, we heard that.

Eggman: Damn you both…why can't PINGAS get Sonic?

Grounder: I don't think Sonic's gay, if that's what you're implying!

Eggman: (shrieks)

Jack: And that right there is a summary of every episode of that show!

Jill: (notices Mephiles still on a shooting rampage) I don't think that's going to be a lot of people left for sex…

Jack: (grabs Mephiles) Hmmm…I shall make you face your worst enemy! (throws him to the Mephadow yaoi fan girls)

-Many happy closetings later-

Jack: Those last few dares were pretty good!

Sonic: (fetal position)

Jill: I think he's been bossed around too much…

Erazor Djinn seriously does sound like Agent Smith…just listen to his voice!


	88. The New Top Sonic bishie!

The New Top Sonic bishie!

I've got some interesting news that I've just learned…

Sonic: (cheering)

Shadow: (pouting)

Jill: What…what's going on?

Jack: I just learned some interesting news, as I just said in the intro! Sonic has become the most popular Sonic character again!

Shadow: (grumbles) It was a good one year…I thought I could keep the spot!

Sonic: But I kicked your ass this year! Finally, vengeance for you winning it last year!

Tails: But I bumped up to third! So it's good news for me as well!

Shadow: NO! I'll never let you take my spot at second! Next year, I'll make sure to get back to first place, taking out this faker once and for all!

Espio: (also crying) Why? Why did I drop from being second most popular to being less popular than Knuckles and Amy?

Jack: I think you can blame Naruto for that.

Espio: HE SHALL DIE! (charges off stage)

Jack: Though the news has some bad elements…WHY IS AMY POPULAR?! (grabs onto Amy, shakes her) Why are you in fifth place? You should be in the thousandth place!

Jill: The ten-thousandth place, with all of the Sonic characters that SEGA keeps adding on!

Jack: Exactly!

 _hey dude you "bleep"ing rule._  
 _anyway these are my dares and questions._  
 _Chaos: how do you have a organ in you when you are made of water and don't have it at first. my dare is to send him to the chao. (Dont tell him that their really fangirls in duisguise by a cloaking device)_  
 _sonic: why do you act so stupid. dare is to be thrown up off of mount everest by catapult and land in a pile of swords pointing straight up with amy watching. the ultimant torture._  
 _my other dare is the same as one I posted before but with more detail. fuse charmy with navi, tingle, elmo, and worst of all (death scream) BARNEY. oh and also (hands Death Note to janitor) knock yourself out._  
 _-hero of creation_

Jack: Thanks!

Jill: It's called tentacle rape. Japan is really obsessed with it for some reason.

Jack: (brings up the "Chao") They need your help!

Chaos: RAWR! (pushes Jack out of the way, smothers Chao)

"Chao": (pounce back on Chaos, take him off)

Sonic: Why? Umm...how can I be stupid?

Jack: Hey Sonic! You know what you should do now that you're the most popular Sonic bishie again? Climb Mount Everest in you symbolic triumph!

Sonic: Awesome! (goes up in a few seconds)

Jack: (pushes button, watches a certain blue object falling off the mountain)

Jill: The swords are ready!

-One "Hedgehog on a stick" later-

Amy: (crying) Nooooo…(starts eating Sonic) You'll be with me forever…(starts crying again) Nooooo…(starts eating him again) You'll be with me forever…

Jill: I think the reason Sonic is so stupid is that he lets his ego get in the way!

Jack: I personally think it's because he hits his head too much while spin dashing! But we can agree that he's an idiot!

-Back on stage-

Jack: You mean...the great purple one? (shudders) It shall be a dark time for us all…

Elmo: (heads onto stage) Awright, everyone! Elmo's little fwiend here (indicates to pistol) will not like it if you don't listen to Elmo!

Navi: HEY! LISTEN!

Barney: (tackles Elmo) A new friend! Let's hug!

Elmo: (being glomped to death) AHHH! Elmo no like!

Jack: (sighs, then fuses them) This is going to be worse than before…

Thing: HEY! (hugs Shadow) Do you like me? Let's have some sugar, makes some maps, and visit my world!

Shadow: Your world is but a world of monsters! I shall banish you, evil creature! (pulls out machine gun, starts pouring lead onto the Thing)

Thing: That tickles!

Shadow: Then you'll love this! CHAOS CONTROL! (sends the Thing to Disneyworld) It's their problem now…

Jill: Hopefully, the prison at Disneyworld can hold that thing…but for how long?

Jack: (revives Sonic) For some reason, you remind me of Mickey Mouse…

Sonic: Shut up! (goes to pout)

Janitor: (takes Death Note) Who do I start deleting?

Shadow: Don't rip-off Mikami's catchphrase-(heart attack)

Janitor: Good. Now then….(continues writing)

Charmy: (ground up into a fine powder by a truck constantly rolling over him)

Tails: (forced at gunpoint to snort it, dies of poison)

Knuckles: (gets strangled by his own dreadlocks)

Sonic: (heart attack)

Janitor: That's good enough for now…maybe those kids will finally learn a lesson! And the next time that those kids step on my lawn…(holds up Death Note grinning)

 _Jack: I dare you to use this review!_  
 _Jill: For the next two chapters unless you get a dare otherwise, you are now a Sonic fangirl twice as rabid as Amy!_  
 _Sonic: Your out of the carbonite, to bad jill and Amy's there._  
 _Knuckles: You must do Jack's homework for a week!_  
 _Rouge: You have to help him!_  
 _Tikal: Go eat sand. Here wash it down with this,*hands jar of acid*_  
 _Shadow: Watch Maria dieing 100 times,then cry about it. (Dont tell him everyone is watching, he cant kill them either)_  
 _Amy: Here, i cloned Sonic's shoes go put them on._  
 _Chaos: Shoot him into mercury while its facing the sun._  
 _Big:Eat froggy_  
 _Froggy: Rip him open like an alien from AvP_  
 _All robots: KILL ALL BISHIES! KILL ALL BISHIES!_  
 _All bishies: Run for your mother F'ing lives!_  
 _-Bolt the Wolf_

Jack: (revives characters, hypnotizes Jill) He's already out of the carbonite from chapter 37! (freezes him again anyways)

Jill: I'll get you out, top bishie! (uses flamethrower)

Amy: (also uses flamethrower) Sonikku will be saved by me!

Sonic: (breaks out) Man, I'm glad that's over-(sees the two fighting fan girls) Damn it!

Amy: I'm horny, damn it! And Sonikku loves me!

Jill: No, he's scared of you! (starts slashing Amy everywhere)

Amy: (strangles Jill with her hammer, then bleeds to death)

Sonic: Umm…can you please not revive them?

Jack: Sorry, but there's dares for them!

Knuckles: But…it's summer!

Jack: (gets buried in the next year's homework) Oh…I guess that's how this will work!

-In the study room-

Knuckles: What's this?

Jack: (sighs) AP Calculus!

Knuckles: What's calculus?

Jack: The mathematical system that Isaac Newton devised to help explain some of the laws of physics he had found!

Knuckles:…What's AP?

Jack: A program that helps you get into college by giving you training for a big test that can award you college credit if you do well enough on it!

Knuckles:…What's A?

Jack: (sighs) Umm…just doodle on it, alright?

Knuckles: Will do!

Rouge: Don't worry…I think I can help him!

Knuckles: (with a blank stare on his face)

Rouge: Umm…Knuckles? Are you okay?

Knuckles: (still with a blank stare on his face)

Rouge: (realizes he's looking at her chest) Damn it! Why do guys always get distracted from tasks when I'm around? From the librarian who fell of the bookshelf ladder when I bent down, to that construction worker that dropped a crate on his co-worker when I walked by! (leaves)

Knuckles: (snaps out of it) What-what happened?

-Back on stage-

Tikal: (swallows a small pile of sand) Hmm…a suspicious looking jar? Why not? (swallows the acid) AHHHHH! IT BURNS!

Jack: That means it's working!

Tikal: Oh…okay! (sits down)

Shadow: (goes into a room, turns on TV) MARIA! (goes into fetal position while crying)

Sonic: And that is why I'm the top bishie!

Amy: (revives) Of course you are! (pounces on him)

Sonic: Umm...why do you have shoes like mine?

Amy: This is one of those dares where it's set up so you can't run away from me!

Sonic: NOT AGAIN! (Yes, yet again he gets a fan girl rape)

Shadow: My eyes! AUGH! That combination of pink and blue is disturbing me!

Jack: To distract everyone…another Chaos evaporation dare! (fires Chaos out of the giant cannon from Zelda: Twilight Princess)

Chaos: (enters the cold loneliness of space)

Jack: (shoves Froggy down Big's throat)

Big: Uhhh…why does Froggy want to be inside me?

Jack: So you can be killed, silly!

Big: Oh…okay!

Froggy: (unleashes the carnage out of Big's stomach)

Robots: (instantly reprogrammed)

Shadow: Every hot guy for themselves! (dives into fan girl crowd)

Fan girls: (receive him warmly…if you know what I mean)

Sonic: You can't hurt me! I'm the new top Sonic bishie!

Gamma: That means we should shoot him first.

Omega: Indeed. (blows Sonic to pieces)

-One bishiecide later-

Jack: (revives everyone)

 _Safarithecat613: Yes Blaze more shadaze. It is my absolute favorite couple EVER! I am part of the few fangirls of that couple. SHADAZE FOREVER! SILVAZE MUST DIE! Sonaze too. And other couples with blaze that are not shadaze. By the way I am the same Safarithecat from those other reviews_  
 _dracosangel337: I think you should get on with it... T.T_  
 _Safarithecat: Okay dares!_  
 _Blaze: MORE Shadaze! WOOT! You and Shadow orgy in front of everyone!_  
 _Shadow: If you get dared to do anything with a girl that is not Blaze you must kill them afterwards and makeout with Blaze every 5 minutes for at least 2 chapters. SHADAZE WOOT! ^^_  
 _Silver: Stay away from Blaze or I'll get out of shadaze fangirl area and kick the (bleep) out of you. (yes I am in the crowd)_  
 _EggmanNega: You suck! Your just a lame recolor of the worst villian EVER! You die at the hands of Charmy._  
 _Espio: Your cool here's some pizza. (gives him pizza)_  
 _Safarithecat613: Those are my dares, Jack you rock! Update soon! SHADAZE FOR-EV-ER! ^^_  
 _-Safarithecat613_

Blaze: (blinks) Wow…she really wants that?

Jack: What's the point of you not wearing anything unless you're doing it?

Blaze: (sighs) Fine.

Shadow: (escapes the fan girls) But…I'm tired from what the fan girls just did to me-Oh, never mind!

Silver: (pouting as he watches them) How come I never thought of that sex move?

Jack: We can't have that Shadow dare forever! We'll just have it for this chapter and the next!

Nega: (also sobbing) Why can't people like me more? I'm at least smarter than my counterpart!

Jack: Yeah, but that's like saying that Knuckles is smarter than Big! Besides, you lost to Silver in Sonic Rivals! Honestly, how could you lose to Silver? Charmy, use your Sting Attack!

Charmy: I'm not a Pokemon either! (stings Nega, causing both to die)

Espio: Pizza? What, do you think that just because I'm a ninja I like pizza? Those stupid Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

Jack: No., you're getting pizza because you're awesome!

Espio:…Oh. Alright! (starts eating joyfully)

Blaze: (gets off of Shadow) Okay, is my sex over with for this chapter?

Jack: Apparently not! (revives everyone)

 _This story is still awesome & i got some dares_  
 _Eggman: act like Eric Cartman from South Park for 3 chapters (Voice, actions, everything)_  
 _Rouge: idk have Jack knock you up then give me your jewels and I mean everyone of them or face a horrible death by horny fanboys_  
 _Shadow & Knuckles: throw them in the fangirl pit then throw Shadow in the Knuxouge pile and Knuckles in the Shadouge pile_  
 _Tails & Espio: I'll leave you two alone for now, get any type of gun you want and kill Amy and Charmy brutally_  
 _Sonic: Unfreeze him, make him hurt a chao, & then let Chaos kill him_  
 _Jill: Here's a Knuckles Chao ^^_  
 _Silver: Have Omega shoot him in the nuts then knock up Blaze_  
 _Cream: Give Cosmo Cheese_  
 _Cosmo: After you get Cheese kill him in front of Cream and laugh evilly while she cries_  
 _Blaze: Have a threesome with Espio and Shadow ^^_  
 _Amy: Do the Tails Doll curse from Sonic R and if it doesnit work then have Gamma kill her again_  
 _And a question for Metal: You're certainly the best villain & robot in the series, why did you let Eggman make you his slave again?_  
 _Havew fun killing ^^_  
 _-Shad'sGirl12_

Eggman: Hey, I kind of like that! (changes voice) What son of a bitch thinks they're cooler than me, huh? Now, where's mom? I need the cheesy poofs, damn it! (waddles off)

Jack: (snickering) That is surprisingly funnier than it should be!

Rouge: I have to get knocked up again?

Jack: Well…I guess the beginning part will be fun! Let's do doggy style! (jumps onto Rouge)

Jill: (blinks) I don't know how to feel when I'm looking at this…

-One Juno later-

Rouge: Fan boys or jewels…hmm…I guess I'll take the fan boys! Maybe they'll stop being less of perverts later if I let them at me now!

Jill:…Trust me, they won't!

Rouge: Are you sure? Oh no…(sees the fan boy army) Well, goodbye! (taken off)

Jack: (sends Knuckles to the Shadouge fans) And now we get to witness that creature get buried with punches!

Jill: If you'll hurt Knuckie, then I'll hurt your acquaintance! (kicks Shadow into the Knuxouge fans)

Jack: (watches Shadow get torn quill from quill) Catch you later, Shadow dude! (does an air guitar)

Tails: I'll get Charmy, you get Amy! Cool?

Espio: Awesome! (scopes out Amy with a sniper, shoots) Wow…that's a lot of red to mix with that pink!

Tails: (uses Jack Sparrow's pistol) One bullet should kill any annoyance! (shoots Charmy) And it did!

Sonic: Why would I hurt a Chao?

Jack: Because they voted for Shadow as the most popular Sonic bishie!

Sonic: (goes on a Chao-kicking frenzy)

Chaos: (grabs Sonic's neck from behind, breaks it)

Jill: Cool! Chaos would make a great mob henchman! (sees the red Chao) Aww…adorable!

Jack: (reading dare) Shoot Silver…What nuts?

Omega: We shall find out. (shoots Silver in the crotch…with a rocket launcher)

Silver: (on the floor crying while clutching between his legs) Don't you think that was a little…extreme?

Jack: Extreme? The next part of Omega's dare doesn't even make any sense!

Jill: I think only the fans will have enough power to overcome this obstacle of having a robot knock up someone!

Horny fans: (charge onto stage, pull Blaze and Omega into the crowd)

-One robot Juno later-

Cream: Fine…Cheese has been annoying me recently! (kicks Cheese to Cosmo)

Cosmo: (strangles Cheese)

Cream: (crying) NO! My lifelong friend! Why would I-oh yeah, Cheese was getting annoying!

Blaze: Haven't I had enough sex today?

Espio: I'm getting laid today? Sweet!

Shadow: (sighs) Well, let's get his over with before I burn myself…

-One busy threesome later-

Fans: (cheering wildly)

Jack: Espio…how did you do that second move?

Espio: You don't want to know how I learned that.

Amy: (gets handed the backwards lyrics) Just sing this? Um…fine with me! (starts the ritual)

Tails Doll: (appears in a cloud of smoke behind her)

Amy: (turns around) Hi, Mr. Friendly Doll-(soul taken) Hello New Master. Will kill the innocent…(heads off with a knife)

Metal Sonic: I didn't let him, he built me like that.

Eggman: That's right! You shall bow down to me!

Metal Sonic: (rolls eyes) But maybe I will try to break free…

Killing the top Sonic bishie this chapter was especially fun!


	89. Many, many fan girls

Many, many fan girls

Welcome to this re-enactment of Woodstock! No, it's just Sonic: Truth or Dare…

Wave: (on her cell phone) And so I was saying, like, oh my gosh! That guy is so CUTE! And I totally, like, needed that new dress! I KNOW! Mine is, like, three weeks old now!

Jack: Must…kill…

Jill: (changes Wave's voice into that of the Robot Chicken version of Lindsay Lohan)

Wave: Like, why ah ya doin this? You shouldn't insult I, Lindsay Loon…Lawn…Loan… whatever!

Jack: That's perfect for Wave! That voice on Robot Chicken is the pure embodiment of stupidity! (If you don't believe me, just check on Youtube for Robot Chicken's tease of the show "Living Lohan")

 _Have Shadow open a plushie stand with 100 plushies of each character(each plushie has a large bomb in it, only Shadow and Jack knows)after he has sold them all(try to get Jill and Amy to take one)set off the bombs. Jack, I dare you to start the greatest war of all between the Shadow/Maria, Shadow/Rouge, Shadow/Amy, Shadow/Sonic, Sonic/Amy, Sonic/Rouge, Sonic/Blaze, Silver/Blaze, Knuckles/Blaze, and Knuckles/Rouge fangirls(you can add a few more groups if you want to). I want all the characters to bungie jump above the fangirl pit of doom and let some of the lines snap(except Shadow's). Toss all of the chaos emeralds into the pit and see who goes in first. Jack, I'm feelin a bit lonely, can I get some "alone time" with Shadow in the closet._  
 _Behold and watch the chaos unfold.(Crazy, evil laughter)_  
 _-Empress Ryu_

Shadow: What?! I mean…seriously? (bleep)ing plushies?

Jack: (tells Shadow the secret)

-At a random fair-

Shadow: Come here to buy your death-I mean, plushies!

Fan girls: (overrun the stand)

Sonic: (pouting) How do you get so many?

Shadow: I'm just that good-looking…and a smooth talker!

Sonic: Says the guy who was at one point a fifty-year old virgin!

Shadow: I shall choose to ignore that comment…(secretly Chaos Controls a plushie to Sonic's house)

-Many sales later-

Jill: Why did you use that old fifty-year old virgin joke again?

Jack: It's popular amongst the fans now! (runs from Jill, pushes button)

-Many explosions later that would put V (from V for Vendetta) to shame-

Janitor: (cleaning up the tons of gunpowder) Kids these days…with their plushies and their bombs and their plushie bombs!

Fan girls: (start fighting over who caused the explosions)

Jack: (revives the dead) I'm not going to name crowds…I'll let everyone fight everyone! (puts the Sonic characters on the bungie cords) Good idea! Hehehe…this will make the fan girls fight more!

Amy: But I don't want to fight more-AUGH! (sent down first)

Jack: (throws Chaos Emeralds into pit, causing some early dives from Knuckles, Rouge, Big, and Vector)

Sonic: Hey! Their bungie cords snapped! I don't trust these cords anymore-NO! (sent down with everyone else)

Fan girls: (make the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny look like Sesame Street)

Shadow: I'm saved! But why? (gets pulled up to stage) Thanks, Ja-(notices he's being pulled up by a group of fan girls) DAMN!

Fan girls: (drag Shadow to a closet to "resolve their issues")

Jill: I hope that reviewer likes it…whichever one of those fan girls she is!  
No comment.

 _Tails and Eggman: I dare you two to team up and try to grasp the true form of Giygas' attack. (After that, have their minds brutally assaulted and corrupted by Giygas.)_  
 _I... feel... G...O...O...D..._  
 _-HSOJ_

Tails: (climbs onto stage looking very, VERY maimed)

Eggman: (climbs onto stage looking unharmed)

Jill: What is Eggman's secret?

Jack: It's called ugliness!

Jill: Giygas? Do you mean from the game Earthbound?

Jack: (watches the Giygas fight) Oh…I get it now! Wow…that's a trippy boss fight! (sends Tails and Eggman to Giygas)

Tails: Whoa! Is that a…what the (bleep) is that?

Eggman: Hmm…some kind of repeating pattern, with-AH! (receives Giygas' attack) What was that?

Tails: I…really don't know! This makes no sense!

Giygas: I…feel…h…a…p…p…y…

Eggman: What the (bleep)?! This is making even less sense! (gets taken control of) AHAHA! This makes no sense…but that's GREAT!

Tails: Eggman, are you okay?

Eggman: Giygas shall destroy all!

Tails: Umm…did you take too many drugs or-WHOA! (also gets taken over) Giygas…go…destroy…

-One universe crushing later-

Jill: (patching up everything) Why does everything on this show seem like something you'd find on a drug trip?

 _hey dude. Hero of creation again. just had thought of some more dares. take all the boys superforms and hyperforms before sending them to fight the fangirls with rubber chickens. and I still have plenty more death notes. (gives ten to the janitor) same as last time._  
 _bring tails memory back and (to jill secretly handing her a hypnotizing ray) all I ask in return is to throw jack to the fangirls with sonic and the others after taking his author powers._  
 _I almost died from laughing. what are you trying to do to me. but seriously this is some funny *. anyway to dares._  
 _I dare Sonic to run from ten trillion amy's when they have duplicates of his shoes on. I dare amy to watch sonic die from falling off mount everest and into millions of swords with her eyes kept open. -however means nessesary. evil laughter-_  
 _I dare eggman to take over the world with food. I also dare shadow to be gay, and if not -all guns pointed at shadow including shadows own guns before giving jack a button- you know what to do. And Jill -hands hypnotizing ray- same as before. -evil laughter again until swallowing a bug- cough cough, now I know how my dad felt. I have one more dare. fuse charmy with elmo, navi, tatl, barney, tingle, omochao, and worst of all (deathly scream as the person walks in) the one and only annoying maniac, who is also the spawn of both zant and navi. zavi._  
 _-hero of creation_

Guys: (escape the fan girls with the Chaos Emeralds)

Sonic: What?! No….we have to go BACK?

Jack: Well, yeah!

-Some super-de-duper transformations later-

Jill: (hands out the rubber chickens) Make them suffer!

Hyper Shadow: But…I'm not experienced enough at this! I'm not from Monty Python!

Jill: That's your problem! (sends them to the army of doom)

Janitor: (takes the Death Notes, grins like a child getting a Christmas present) For me, this shall be a celebration! (starts writing)

Super Sonic: (ripped into confetti by fan girls)

Hyper Shadow: (gets blood taken out and used for lava lamps)

Super Silver: (shoved into a light bulb, gets electrified to light up the bulb)

Jack: It looks so pretty for a party…

Janitor: (grins) Finally, some appreciation…

Jill: Bring Tails' memory back? When did we take it away?

Jack: (shrugs) I don't remember…(jumps into fan girls ahead of time)

Jill: (takes ray gun) Umm…thanks?

Sonic: (revived) Is…my suffering over yet? (sees the army of Amys) I guess not…

Amy: (overruns Sonic with her army)

Eggman: (revived) With food? How?

Jill: The same way that the guys are fighting the fan girls with rubber chickens!

Eggman: (goes to Hyrule)

Jack: What's he planning now? And how did I get out of the fan girls?

Eggman: (comes back with a giant gun) And now, for the ultimate YouTube Poop weapon…the dinner blaster! (storms off to take over the world…as usual)

Shadow: But…how do I just "be" gay?

Jack: Model yourself after Silver, I guess!

Shadow: Hell no! I already spent fifty years not getting laid, I'm not going to spend the next 100 years without it!

Jack: (receives button) No, I don't know what to do. Is this button supposed to set off the guns, or what?

Shadow: What guns? (sees his gun pile pointed at him) Oh. (blown to pieces)

Jill: (uses hypnotizing ray again, causing Jack to jump in again) No…you cant be serious! Zavi? How could such an evil creature be thought of?

Zavi: (charges onto stage, starts stabbing random objects) Hey! You shall die!

Tatl: (flies in) Why am I here? I'm not nearly as annoying as that bitch over there! (points to Navi)

Navi: Hey! There's that bitch that took my role in Majora's Mask! THIS IS FOR PUTTING ME OUT OF A JOB! (starts fighting Tatl)

Jill: (regrettably uses the Fusionator)

Pure Evil: (goes on a rampage, destroys the universe)

Jill: (patching up things) Not again! First Giygas, now that beast?

 _Ok, It's Fred in the house! I dare Jill to shrink Shadow and have all the female Sonic characters uncluding Jill to crush shadow barefoot, and sorry to say this Jack but you have to revive him after every crush. Ha lol._  
 _-Fennerd_

Shadow: (revived with everyone else) Oh no…

Jill: Well, I guess we could do that…AUTHORESS POWERS!

Shadow: (bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)!

Jill: Die! (crushes Shadow)

-Many revivals/crushings later-

Shadow: (hides under a leaf)

Jack: This is getting boring. (returns Shadow to normal)

 _For my next review, taking chapter 36 into account, I choose... ESPIO... No wait, I mean VECTOR... Er, maybe ESPIO... AW FORGET IT! YOU BOTH DIE!_  
 _Espio: I shall kill you as many times as I possibly can this chapter for insulting Cosmo._  
 _Vector: I shall also kill you as many times as I possibly can this chapter whil I'm killing Espio since you refuse to work for me. I'll continue on into other chapters as well until you agree to work for me. After this, I shall now take 95% of your pay for disobeying me!_  
 _This'll teach you two to go against me! (OCTUPLE EVIL LAUGHTER)_  
 _-Super Dragon_

Espio: But the chapter's nearly over! (impaled by a million Chaos Spears) Oh, that's how you're going to do it…(falls over dead)

Vector: I'd rather die than work for you! (poked by a needle) Okay, I'll work for you!

Jill: How's that for a good pay?

Vector: (grumbling) I'd better get laid by some chicks for this…

Jack: And now, for my next plan to kill all of you! AUTHOR POWERS! (puts black hooded cloaks onto all of the Sonic characters)

Sonic: What are these cloaks for?

Jill: (summons the Order of the Pheonix from Harry Potter) Look! Death Eaters!

All from the Order: (use Abra Kadabra-I mean, Avada Kedavra to kill the Sonic characters)

Oh, and something cool just happened! Look in the reviews for this fic, and you'll notice that someone recently made a picture of Hank Hill out of symbols and letters…it's pretty awesome! Check it out!


	90. Eggman's new name

Eggman's new name

Wow…we've got a lot of dares to get through this chapter! Hold on for the ride!

Jack: Oh boy! I've found a new way to kill all of the Sonic characters!

Jill: Let's show it! (turns on a nearby conveyor belt with all of the Sonic characters strapped onto it)

Jack: (holds up a knife, stabs each Sonic character as they pass by) I'm just like a robot!

-One very bloody conveyor belt later-

Jack: (revives everyone) Now let's let everyone else kill you all for the chapter!

 _Funny, and mean.. AND dirty... but you guys ROCK! OK, I got some dares:_  
 _1\. I want Espio, Silver, and Shadow to have ULTIMATE POWER and be able to do whatever they want._  
 _2\. But before that, I want Espio and Shadow to answer who they WANT ( you know what I mean), Sonic ARCHIE characters included._  
 _3\. I want Mighty to appear in your fanfic with same dares as I've given to Espio, Silver and Shadow._  
 _4\. And since I hate Big's guts, I want every character to do a HORRIBLE dare to him, and if they don't, they get shocked with 100,0,0,0,0,0 volts of electricity! Oh yes, I be evil..._  
 _Thanks! I LOVE YOU, ESPIO, SILVER, SHADOW, AND MIGHTY!_  
 _P.S. Kill Storm._  
 _-Samantha the Fox_

Jill: We rock? Yay!

Espio: Who'd I do? Hmm…(starts comparing the chicks) Well, I've already banged Vanilla and Blaze recently, plus I probably banged Rouge whenever was the last time we got drunk, so…I guess I could try that Sally chick! Or that Shade chick! Or-

Jill: That's enough. What about you, Shadow?

Shadow: I've already done it enough times with those same women, so I guess the same answer as Espio!

Jack: Fine, I'll let them have some…(gives Silver, Mighty, Espio, and Shadow some Author Powers)

Shadow: Sweet! Now I can get even better chicks! (heads off to get laid again)

Espio: (hangs Sonic) That's for taking the top bishie spot back!

Silver: I…well, I really like candy! (gets plenty of sugar rained upon him) Yes! Bring me some tastiness!

Mighty: (relaxing)

Jack: That's all you're doing with your power? Really?

Mighty: Mmm-hmm.

Jack: Wow…you're like the male version of Tikal!

Jill: (ties up Big to a pole) Here we go, everyone…choose your horrible torment!

Storm: Can I go first?

Jack: (shoots Storm) Everyone has to wait for their turn, all right? Now you won't have a turn!

Shadow: (sharpens a knife)

Tails: (charges his laser gun)

Rouge: (sharpens the end of a jewel)

Jill: Wow…this is going to take a long time!

Jack: This reminds me of that huge line of people to slap the panicking woman in the movie Airplane!

-Many "slaps" later-

Big: Uhhh…why does everyone like tickling me?

 _I just thought that it would be fun to tourcher the sonic charecters so here are my dares_  
 _Charmy: piolet the minilleum falcon while he is on a sugur rush and Roughe and Shadow are in the back of it tied up_  
 _Sonic: have man sex with Knuckles_  
 _Big: stick an atomic bomb up his butt and he can't take it out or Jill gets to put him in a cage and lay 1,0,0,0 atomic bombs on him_  
 _Espio: have sex with Amy in the open_  
 _Blaze: set Espios and Amy's butts on fire for the rest of the chapter_  
 _Silver: watch Barney for all of the chapter._  
 _after Charmy is done flying the minillium falcon he gets a Star Wars rocket launcher and gets to go wild with it and go into the crowd of fangirls and shoot all of them._  
 _Vector: have a showdown with Omega with star wars weapons_  
 _That's all MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA_  
 _Everone including Jack: suck Roughe's boobs_  
 _Blaze: have sex with sonic for the chapter in the open_  
 _Espio: make Roughe pregnet_  
 _Amy: nurse Sonic_  
 _Charmy: throw himself into a shreder_  
 _Knuckles: Showdown with Omega and Shadow_  
 _Cream and Cosmo: go naked for the rest of the Chapter_  
 _Tails: give him a bag of golf clubs and a bucket of golf balls co wild in the fangirl crowd._  
 _Make Hannah Montana randomly come in and everone gets star wars weapons ATACK HER!_  
 _Every boy: if you swear at all in the rest chapter you have go into a small room with Charmy while he is on a sugur rush and he won't stop untill you confess you love Hannah Montana and Barney_  
 _Make the war stop between Cosmo and Cream for Tails I'm getting tired of it._  
 _Switch Sonic and Shadow's body's but don't tell anybody._  
 _Jack tell Silver and Blaze that if they go into the tourcher chamber that you will give them 1,9,9,9,9,9,9,9 dollers but when they're done give them Monopoly money_  
 _Amy: kiss Espio 10 times_  
 _Espio: kill Blaze as many times as you want_  
 _Silver: tear off Roughes boobs and eat them_  
 _Sonic: eat Tails throw him up eat him agin ect. 10 times_  
 _Everybody: attack Tikal with star wars weapons_  
 _-Bart the Car Part_

Jack: (summons the Millenium Falcon)

Jill: You just summoned it? But…what happened to those who needed it?

-Meanwhile-

Han: Force damn it! I go away for three drinks, and my ship disappears!

Chewbacca: RAWR!

Han: You said it, Chewie…maybe I should go to Alcoholic Aliens Anonymous!

-Back on stage-

Charmy: (chugging Mountain Dew) The fuel is ready!

Rouge: Another tie up? (sighs) I've been tied up five times the past week!

-One boarding later-

Charmy: Let's go fight the first plane we see! (runs into an Air Force training camp) Awesome!

Shadow: (rolls eyes) We're so going to get fired for this…

-A one-sided battle later-

Charmy: (crashes the Millenium Falcon into the stage) Hyper speed…GO!

Sonic: Knuckles? Seriously, I have to do dum-dum?

Knuckles: You called?

Yaoi fan girls: (grab Sonic and Knuckles)

Big: (still tied up) When will this pole get off of me?

Tails: (brings in nuke launcher) After one more dare…(fires at Big, sending it in the darkest of places)

Espio: Another chick? Cool!…Oh wait, it's Amy!

Amy: But…how would Sonic feel?

Jack: I think he could care less, considering where he is now…(points to yaoi fan girls)

Espio: Well, action with Amy is better than no action! (hops onto Amy for the ride)

Blaze: But why would I care what they're doing?

Jill: Their dare probably inspired the reviewer to put in your next dare with Sonic…

Blaze: They'll pay! (sets Espio and Amy on fire) Hey…they're only increasing the amount of sex!

Jack: I guess they like it hot!

Silver: Well, I guess I could survive a couple of episodes.

Jill: But you'll definitely be traumatized! (sets Silver in front of a TV)

Charmy: (takes rocket launcher) So I get this if I shoot some fan girls? That sounds like a good deal! (jumps down, starts firing rockets at a machine gun speed)

Vector: Why would I fight Omega?

Jack: Um…didn't you hear? Omega totally banged Vanilla last night!

Vector: (grabs lightsaber)

Omega: Threat approaching. Time for Stormtrooper rip-off sequence. (starts firing many shots at Vector)

Vector: (blocks the shots with his lightsaber, slices through Omega)

Rouge: That's…weird.

Jill: No kidding!

Jack: Why can't we just bang her?

Jill: Espio gets to later.

Jack: Oh…okay.

-Some strange positions and actions later-

Blaze: (grumbling) A (bleep)ing whole chapter…

Sonic: (gets out of yaoi fan girls) At least you didn't have to do your first rival!

Blaze: Let's just get this fanservice over with…

Sonic: (starts doing something that creates a loud fan boy cheer)

Espio: (stops with Amy) Another chick? Man, this is my lucky day!

Rouge: I only have one question…what position?

-Some "interactions" and a Juno later-

Sonic: But…I'm still kindo f busy with blaze!

Amy: That doesn't stop you from being my favorite bishie! Naughty Nurse Amy is here to see you…(drags Sonic to a closet)

Sonic: (in closet) That is NOT what you do with a rectal thermometer!

Jack: (throws some sugar cubes down a shredder) Fetch, boy!

Charmy: (hops in)

Knuckles: Showdown? But…I don't need to do this!

Shadow: You don't have the brain capacity to fight us!

Knuckles: I'll show you a lack of brain capacity-

Omega; Yes. Indeed he will. (shoots Knuckles)

Shadow: So this is it, buddy…just remember, we've had a lot of good memories together through the years, leading to-(blown up)

Omega: Foolish carbon-based life forms and their emotions.

Cream; We already ARE doing that!

Tails: (grabs golf set) FORE-no never mind! Let the golf balls hit them! (starts swinging)

Fan girls: (start whole battles over each golf ball)

-Some decent scores later-

Jill: Whoa…a celebrity!

Hannah Montana: (heads onto stage, is instantly blown up, shot, decapitated, and dragged through the fan crowd)

Jack: Wow…I guess we have a lot of Anti-Hannah Montana fans here!

Producer: (talking to her in the studio) And we'll also have THAT happen alongside the Robot Chicken sketch about your death if you get knocked up like that Zoey 101 whore!

Hannah Montana: (crying) Okay, okay…

-Back on stage-

Jack: Man…that reviewer's method of censorship is genius!

Jill: We can't stop the war! If we tried, our reviewers on both sides would just bring it back!

Jack: We can do the next dare, though! AUTHOR POWERS! (switches their bodies)

Shadow: Sweet! Now I can get all the fan girls! But wait…DAMN IT! I'm not the Top Sonic bishie now!

Sonic: YES! I'm back to the spot of Top Sonic bishie after being dethroned for only a couple of chapters!

Jill: Um…it's only temporary! Once this dare ends, Sonic's still going to be the Top Sonic bishie for the rest of the year!

Sonic: Urgh…(starts smoking)

Shadow: HEY! I don't want lung cancer when I get back into that body!

Sonic: Well, too bad! (starts slitting wrists)

Shadow: (starts poking his own eyes)

Sonic: It's a fight you want, huh? (pours gasoline on self, sets self on fire)

Shadow: (grabs knife, starts castrating self)

Sonic: You wouldn't DARE!

Shadow: If it ensures you'll never get laid again…

Sonic: (also grabs knife) If one of us is going out of the gene pool, then the other will go as well! (also starts castrating self)

Jack: (tells Silver and Blaze of the GREAT new offer!)

Blaze: Wow, that sounds like a deal!

Silver: This certainly doesn't sound like a scam to me! (heads into torture chamber with Blaze)

Jack: Who's supposed to torture them? Do I have to torture them, or is this some sort of S&M thing between them?

Jill: I think you have to torture them.

Jack: Oh. (hurries into torture room after them)

-Much later-

Blaze: (burns the Monopoly money in anger)

Amy: We're demoted from sex to kissing? (starts the make out)

Espio: Why would I kill Blaze? I don't remember her pissing me off too recently.

Jill: Just kill her for the hell of it. Without any clothes on, she's making our fan boys too horny!

Espio: (throws shooting star, then takes a calm rest)

Silver and Sonic: (throw up)

Silver: Why would I…that doesn't make any…EW!

Sonic: Yours isn't nearly as bad as mine!

-Some rather extreme dares later-

Rouge: (goes for more surgery)

Tikal: Why does this reviewer hate me?

Jack: Does violence always have to have an explanation? ATTACK!

-Much lightsaber impaling later-

Sonic: Man…I'm so woozy…

Jill: Vomiting will do that to you! But now you get to keep doing Blaze again!

 _I'm pretty *ed because of high school so I'm going to let it out on you idiots, not you Jack, or you Jill._  
 _Everyone besides Jack and Jill: go into a closet with the fusion of elmo, navi, tingle, charmy, barney and tatl._  
 _Sonic: Jump off mount everest and land in a million blades._  
 _Amy: watch while tied up and eyes kept open._  
 _Charmy: listen to yourself on this recording I made until your head explodes. -hands tape to jack-_  
 _Jill: I'll give you this so you can have fun with knuckles as your personal slave -hands hypnotizing ray to her- all I ask is for you to throw Jack to the fangirls._  
 _Cream and Cosmo: kill tails and then commit suicide out of sadness. (the darkest laughter in the universe) and that's about it._  
 _-hero of creation_

Jack: (uses powers to shove all Sonic characters into a closet)

Amy: What are we in here for?

Shadow: I think we-

Monster: Greetings. Who wants friendly help from me first?

All Sonic characters: AHHHHHHH!

-One happy mass murder later-

Jill: We did Sonic's dare already!

Jack: Besides, he and Blaze are still busy!

Charmy: (takes recording) This could be interesting…(heads into a nearby room, plays the abominable sound waves) AUGH! How could I do this? I-(an explosion is heard)

Janitor: I'm not going in there for a long time…

Jill: Knuckles as my slave? You mean it? YAY! (kicks Jack into fan girls again)

Knuckles: Are you sure that now is a good time? I mean-(hypnotized into going in a closet with her)

Cosmo: But…how could I kill him?

Cream: We'll shoot him, I guess! The cheating, lying pimp…

Tails: Ladies, we can resolve this! I'll do Cream on odd days and Cosmo on even days…no, I need some time for the hookers! Also, Marine-(shot)

Cosmo: But without a lover, what is life worth?

Cream: THAT is the path of thinking for a murder/suicide! (shoots self)

Cosmo: All right…(also shoots self)

Jack: (climbs onto stage) We still have another review...and as usual, it's way too big!

 _400th review!_  
 _Jack: Knock up Jill._  
 _Jill: Kick Jack in the balls._  
 _Eggman: Your name is now Fatas$. Keep it for at least five chapters, unless dared to drop it._  
 _Fatas$ and Cream: Reenact the famous scene from Star Wars where Luke finds out that Vader is his father. Cream is Luke, Fatas$ is Vader._  
 _Cream: After finding out that Fatas$ is your father, take out your anger on Cosmo. Since she's a plant, salt should kill her fairly quickly._  
 _Shadow, Fatas$, Charmy, and Amy: Here's the arsenal of the US Army and all of Shadow's weapons. Go get revenge on Super Dragon._  
 _Girls (not including Fatas$ and Silver): Go naked for the next two chapters._  
 _Froggy: Eat all of the Emeralds. That means the Chaos Emeralds, the Sol Emeralds, the Master Emerald, and any others._  
 _Big: Eat Froggy._  
 _Froggy: Relieve yourself of the Emeralds inside of Big._  
 _Big: Relieve yourself on Charmy._  
 _Charmy: Here's a bottle of milk! Drink up! (Don't tell him it's super glue)_  
 _Everyone except Tails and Cream: LOOK OUT FOR THAT ARMY OF HIPPIES, FANGIRLS, FANBOYS, FANBOTS, HORNY SUGAR-HIGH CHARMYS, POWER RANGERS, AND MARIO CHARACTERS! (Everyone gets saved at the last minute by an army of dragons)_  
 _Tails and Cream: During the attack, just have sex in the middle of the stage. When you're done, you get command of the dragon army._  
 _Sonic: For the next two chapters, anytime anyone is dared to have sex, trade places with the guy. The only exception is TailsCream._  
 _Scourge: GET IN HERE, YOU LAZY B*STARD!_  
 _Jack: Let me come in and explain to everyone that it's FIONA, not FONIA! Call me Lewis._  
 _Keep up the excellent work!_  
 _-Beta-ReaderADV, Master of Dragons_

Jill: (heads out of closet) We're still over 1000 reviews behind? Wow…

Jack: Another coital act? I never thought you'd say so!

Jill: But…are you sure we should do this in front of everyone?

Everyone: (points guns at them)

Jack: I guess they're curious to see us do it…

-One demonstration of human mating later-

Jill: (kicks Jack in the crotch) Now we have to go to Juno?

Jack: Ow…yes.

-One angry Juno later-

Fatass: I...don't know what to say!

Jack: (laughing) This name change could be interesting…

Cream and Fatass: (head to Cloud City)

-In Cloud City-

Fatass: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Cream: Obi-Wan? What the (bleep) are you talking about? Oh…I mean, you killed my father! Yeah, that's right…

Fatass: No. I am your father.

Cream: (throws up) That's…highly unlikely. (shoots Cosmo with a salt bazooka)

Cosmo: Why are you taking your anger out on me? (dissolves)

-Back on stage-

Shadow: As long as I get to stand by my guns!

Fatass: Fine. There's more torturous hosts than him, but I shall comply…

Amy: Oh yeah! I nearly forgot that he hates me!

Charmy: That's right! He hates me too!

The Chosen Four: (hack some weapons out of the army, head to Super Dragon's fic)

-One mega shootout later-

Blaze: Another couple of chapters? This is annoying me!

Jack: (putting clothes on) We get to mock you all some more!

Silver: (sobbing) I'm not a chick…though I might act like one!

-One food chain later-

Charmy: (cleaning self off) Big, that was disgusting! (takes the white bottle) Mmph!

Jill: (praises the reviewer) That's a good one for Charmy! Super glue…that's genius!

Jack: (screams at the army) The Power Rangers, too? They look like walking, talking M&Ms!

Mario: Aha! Here's the problem…too many Sonic characters! (holds up some toasters) You know what they say…all toasters toast Sonic characters! (starts throwing the toasters on the stage)

Luigi: (holds up a blender) I hope they make lotsa spaghetti!

Peach: Why am I voiced by a guy in Hotel Mario? Why? (starts pouting)

Bowser: (keeps randomly laughing)

Jack: (looks at army) There's only one way out of this…(starts swallowing pills)

Janitor: (plays Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit" in the background)

Jack: Ah yeah…(turns ten feet tall)

Red Ranger: Oh no! This one's already turned into the giant monster form!

Blue Ranger: But…we didn't even get the pointless 5-on-1 fight that we usually get!

Pink Ranger: Screw this all, let's just transform already! (begins combining with the others into the giant robot thing)

Black Ranger: Is this plot formula ever going to die?

Yellow Ranger: No.

Jack: (looks up at the robot) Damn it!

Luigi: (swallows a bagel, becomes Mama Luigi)

Jill:…We're (bleep)ed!

Tails: (a little busy getting laid) I'm the only one that's actually getting (bleep)ed!

Jack: We need Gandalf with the eagles! Or Han Solo with the Millenium Falcon! Or any other last-second Deus Ex Machinas to save us that we can think of! (watches the dragons incinerate everything) That's cool…

-One end of a battle later-

Tails: (still doing Cream) Done? A true pimp's never done!

Sonic: For the next two chapters? Woo-hoo!

Guys: (grumbles angrily)

Scourge: I am here! Jeez!

Jack: Don't worry, I get it now! Thanks, Lewis.

Jill: (spits on Mama Luigi's dead body) There! Where's your magic balloon now?

Jack: (also spits on him) It's a STONE, Luigi! You didn't make it!

Hey, at least I update faster than VG Cats…barely.


	91. Delayed by Woodstock!

Delayed by Woodstock!

Man, it's been a while since the last chapter!

Jill: What took you so long to update this time?

Jack: Don't you remember? All of the partying and memories and so on?

Sonic: Oh yeah! That celebrating the Woodstock thing!

Shadow: Woodstock's anniversary? Aw hell yes!

-In a flashback to said anniversary-

Janitor: (plays "Purple Haze" in the background)

Jack: (inhales something, then sighs with relief before passing it on to Shadow)

Shadow: (inhales the same thing, then sighs with relief before passing it on to Tails)

Tails: (inhales the same thing, then sighs with relief before passing it on to Sonic)

Sonic: Why are we all huffing a pogo stick?

Everyone: (blinks)

Shadow: Damn it! You know, like…I-I knew I was going to lose that joint! I just knew it, man!

Sonic: You mistook a pogo stick for a joint? How high were you?

Shadow:…Y-you really don't want to know, man!

Jack: Wait…you thought that was a joint? I thought it was a giant chocolate bar!

Jill: Then why were you inhaling it?

Jack: So I could breathe the taste! You know, like how I could hear red? Or see music? You know what I'm saying?

Jill: No, I don't.

Jack: (lowers shoulders) Never mind.

Tails: I thought it was a pair of granny panties!

Everyone: (turns toward Tails with their jaws gaping)

Tails: What? I miss those vending machines from Japan!

Jack: Well, we can all say at least that we're having fun!

Tikal: Can you at least stop doing it with me right now?

Jack: (gets off Tikal) But it's Hippie Christmas!

Tikal: (gives Jack the finger)

-In the present-

Jack: Have a happy late Hippie Christmas, everyone!

 _time for some emo torture for shadow! along with some torture for some of the other charecters_  
 _shadow:force him to listen to the song do you like waffles on an infinate loop for the entire chapter if you dont know what it is type in the name on youtube._  
 _charmy:youve had it pretty hard so you get to kill everyone with any weapon of your choice._  
 _knuckles:tie him up and let jill do whatever she wants to him_  
 _big:kill froggy_  
 _froggy:when you come back get revenge by getting a human form for the chapter and killing big alot_  
 _silver:your voice sucks have shadow rip ou your vocal chords_  
 _shadow:afterwords eat his vocal chords_  
 _blaze sit in ice water completely naked for the chapter_  
 _rouge:you have to go in the closet with jack_  
 _shadow:everytime you talk you have to slit your wrist and say your emo_  
 _everyone:get elise and beat her to a bloody pulp you to sonic you have a right since she mouth raped your dead corpse in sonic 2006_  
 _amy:you cant look or talk to or have any contact with sonic_  
 _well these are my dares have fun (evil lughter)._  
 _-anonymous_

Jack: Oh, I know that song! (shoves Shadow into the music room)

Shadow: Why…is this so loud? Augh!

Charmy: (grabs a flamethrower) This will do!

Jill: Well, we're (bleep)ed! (massacred)

-Another Charmy massacre later-

Knuckles: (tied up)

Jill: Do you know how I got my last bishie? My previous bishie was…a hottie. And tied up in my basement. And one night, he goes crazier than usual. And so I stab him with a knife, saying "Why so bishie?" before I stab him again, this time to death. So we get to today. And…why so bishie?

Knuckles: (faints)

Jill: (drags off Knuckles)

Big: But…my friend is-

Jack: He's gotten away! He's in that pond! (throws Froggy into a pond) Use this as bait! (hands Big some dynamite)

Big: I'll get you Froggy!

-One explosive round of fishing later-  
Froggy: A (bleep)ing human? Well, at least I get to kill him! (stabs Big repeatedly)

Jack: (laughing) You look like Slippy Toad!

Froggy: Shut up.

Jack: Hey Silver! I think Shadow could use your singing to drown out the music of the Waffle song!

Silver: Really? I thought my singing was bad-

Jack: Oh no, it's GREAT! (shoves Silver into the music room)

Shadow: (becomes the cause of Silver's screaming)

Blaze: (dives into ice water) Well, at least guys will stop ogling me for a chapter!

Rouge: But the ogling's just begun for me! (heads into closet with Jack)

-Several minutes later-

Shadow: (silent)

Sonic: You're so stubborn! Jeez!

Shadow: (gives the finger to Sonic)

Sonic: Oh, that's it! (tackles Shadow, starts beating him up)

Jill: How can Sonic stand that music?

Jack: It must be one of his favorite songs!

Sonic: (gets up from Shadow) Elise did WHAT?!

Jack: Um…you know that time where you were dead in a game, giving the whole fan base some temporary happiness from not having to deal with your annoyingness?

Sonic: Uh-huh?

Jack: Yeah, Elise thought it would be a good idea to make out with your dead body right then.

Sonic: (throwing up) That's something I'd expect AMY to do! Not Elise!

Elise: (put up for the slaughtering)

Amy: (busy sobbing in a corner) None..

Sonic: Really? Sweet! One stalker is dead, another can't contact me, and I can do it with any chick in sex dares!

 _Amy: Sing "Ugly Girl" by Weird Al Yankovitch. You're Barbie._  
 _Sonic: Sing "Ugly Girl" by Weird Al Yankovitch with Amy. You're Ken._  
 _Cream and Tails: Every time someone gets a sex dare, you two go to a bedroom and have some fun. *builds bedroom*_  
 _I declare these next two dares immune to my dare to Sonic last chapter._  
 _Cosmo and Scourge: Closet!_  
 _Blaze and Cream: Closet!_  
 _Sonic and Scourge: Closet!_  
 _Jack: Post videos of the last three dares on youtube._  
 _Keep up the excellent work!_  
 _-Beta-ReaderADV, Master of Dragons_

Jill: But…how do we do that with the dare from the last review?

Jack: (listens to song) This sounds more torturous for her…let's do it!

Sonic: Want to go for a ride?

Amy: Sure, Ken!

Sonic: Well, forget it! (drives off)

Amy: (singing) I'm an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl…

-One song later-

Amy: Ooh, let's go out and have some fun!

Sonic: I'm sorry, but you're too damn ugly!

Amy: Screw you, Ken!

Jill: (laughing) That was a good one!

Tails: Yay! As if I wasn't getting laid enough…

Jill: It's just for the chapter, all right?

Cream: (heads into bedroom with Tails)

Scourge: Umm…why Cosmo? Because we're green?

Jack: I have no idea. Maybe!

Cosmo: You'd better get to a pimp's level of horniness…(drags Scourge into a closet)

Yuri fan boys: (barge into bedroom, take Cream into another closet with Blaze)

Tails: What? But then how am I getting laid if she's part of the sex dare?

Sonic: But…he's busy getting laid by Cosmo! Stop contradicting yourself, reviewer!

Yaoi fan girls: (take a screaming Sonic into Scourge's closet)

Cosmo: What the hell? But I thought I was supposed to get laid-(killed by the yaoi fan girls)

-Several more minutes later-

Jack: (posting up the videos) I'm so going to get killed for this…

 _Rouge: you luv tails don't ya and NO lying!_  
 _-Matt the fox_

Rouge: No. I don't. It was just one kiss.

Tails: No rides with the pimp tonight? (pouts)

 _HOMEWORK HOMEWORK GO AWAY! I USE HOMEWORK PASS ON YOUZ! YAY!_  
 _Anyone notice TwilightJackieCullen posted a story I'm writing on a message board here? Yah. I DARE YOU ALL TO READ AND REVEIW IT BECAUSE IT'S A ToD NOW! YAY!_  
 _Charmy: Dress up as Midna from TP._  
 _AND NOW TWILIGHT STUFF YAY!_  
 _Sonic: Dress up as Edward._  
 _Amy:Dress up as Isabella._  
 _Knuckles: Dress up as Esme' LOL OMG!_  
 _Rouge: Dress up as... RIKKU FROM FFX! LOL!_  
 _Charmy (again): Dress up as Navi and drink 7 cups of coffee!_  
 _All others: let him go insane. Make a haunted house (I KNOW HALLOWEEN OVER!) and lock him inside. xD LOLa HAHA! THAT'S MY TORTURE FOR SOMEONE!_  
 _-Senom299_

Charmy: (puts on the weird mask-thingy) Hehe…I see dead people!

Sonic: (shapes hair into dreadlocks) This is against everything I stand for…

Amy: (puts on black dress) Man, this is uncomfortable…

Jill: Maybe you'd like it if you weren't so fat!

Amy: (runs off crying)

Knuckles: A chick? Man, I get the worst ones…(puts on dress grumbling)

Jack: Knuckles in a dress? I haven't seen that since that one time he got really drunk!

Rouge: (looks at outfit) Not much different from what I usually wear…(puts on outfit)

Jack: No, you haven't worn anything that revealing before! Unless you count when you were wearing nothing!

Charmy: (starts glowing) Cool!

Jill: (holds up the coffee) What am I doing?

Charmy: (takes the coffee, chugs it and starts vibrating)

Jack: Quick! Into the haunted house! (shoves Charmy inside)

Sonic: Wow…that's a lot of noise coming from inside there!

Jill: Until today, I was never too scared of haunted houses…

 _YES! Totally awsome fanfiction reading! Okay, since that star wars dare was so awsome, I got another!_  
 _Give Sonic and Shadow jedi powers, give them lightsabers (Sonic's green and Shadow's red) and have them battle to the death! In addition, dress the Sonamy fangirls/boys as Clone Troopers and the Shadamy fangirls/boys as Droids, give them all blasters, and have them fight while Sonic and Shadow fight. The fans cannot stop until the duel is over. If Sonic loses, all the Sonamy fans must shoot themselves in the head. Vise-versa if Shadow loses._  
 _-XXTheCakeIsALieXX-_

Jack: (throws the lightsabers) Catch!

Sonic: (gets hit in the head) Ow!

Shadow: (immediately slices Sonic in half with his lightsaber)

Random fan: (angry) Aw, come on! No fights?

Shadow: I'm just that good!

Sonamy fans: (start swallowing "candy" from their gun barrels)

 _Here are some things I have_  
 _Since I hate Knuckles so much I have decided to make him do an incredible great dare that Jill will love._  
 _I dare Knuckles to go into the closet with Jill until Jill says that they can come out._  
 _Since I haven't seen Fang the Sniper (Nack the Weasel) in this yet I have decided to make him do a couple of dares and questions_  
 _Dare: I dare you to give away your air bike and then do all your arrends on foot_  
 _Truth: Is Knuckles a better treasure hunter than you and is Rouge better at stealing items then you are at being mischief_  
 _I have some dares for mighty the armadilio_  
 _Sence you hate violence so much I dare you to try to defeat Knuckles at boxing_  
 _I have some dares and truths for the Babylon Rouges_  
 _Jet: Do you like Wave? And I dare you to go into the closet with Wave_  
 _Wave: Do you like Jet? And I dare you to fly around town flying on some extreme gear of Tails's choice naked_  
 _Storm: If you weren't strong would you be part of the Babylon Rouges? I dare you to eat the grosses food in the world without using your hands_  
 _Why isn't anybody doing anything to Chaos, well I will_  
 _I dare Chaos to go into polluted water and then come out looking all brown and stay that way until everybody else says so_  
 _I think Omochao is the most annoying character there so I want to do the worst dare to him I can think of._  
 _I dare Omochao to let Amy smash him into tons of scrap pieces and let Silver puke on Omochao and then just for fun make Shadow clean you up and make him rebuild you_  
 _This is to Froggy_  
 _If you could go anywhere else in the world where would it be and I dare you to eat your least favorite food_  
 _-The Daily Dude_

Jill: (revives everyone)

Sonic: But that means…I get to replace Knuckles!

Jill: Me? With Sonic? Strange…(heads into closet with Sonic)

Tails: (bedroom with Cream)

Fang: My air bike? You mean from Sonic Drift 2? Ugh…

Shadow: (hops on the air bike) Grand Theft Auto, here I come! (drives off)

Fang: Hell no! Knuckles only goes after one jewel, and Rouge only got 4 Chaos Emeralds in Sonic Adventure 2...while I got 5 Chaos Emeralds in Sonic Triple Trouble!

Rouge: But I got 6 Chaos Emeralds in Sonic Rivals 2! HA!

Fang: Damn it! I guess she's better…

Mighty: (eyes widen) WHAT?

Knuckles: (jumps into the ring, starts talking like Sylvester Stallone) Jpahlph! Baifho!

Jill: (heads out of closet) What was that?

Jack: I couldn't get that either.

Mighty: (heads into ring) I'll keep my punches light, as long as you-(gets his face pummeled)

-A one-sided knockout later-

Knuckles: (cheering from his victory) Ythapnu! Keowna ahgget!

Mighty fan girls: (rise up, angrily drag off a screaming Knuckles)

Jack: I kind of liked that dare…

Jet: Sure, I'll do it with her!

Sonic: (charges out of closet) Nuh-uh! I get to do it with any chicks in sex dares, remember?

Wave: Like, whatever! Just get me laid already! Jeez! (heads into closet with Sonic)

Jet: (sobbing)

Jack: Man, they're banging on that closet door loudly…

Jet: (sobbing even more)

-Some banging later-

Wave: Yah! Well, as long as he can keep up with my tons of standards…

Jack: And now for the dare!

Wave: Well, I'm already not wearing anything! Oh my gosh, what's the point of this?

Jack: You're going around town on it!

Tails: (heads out of bedroom) Well, she's definitely gohng on one!of the boards…

Jill: But that'll just rip-off the Simpson3 Movie!

Tails: So? (sends Vate off on heR own board)

-One public disturbance arrest later

Storm: Um…woulda still have dis job, boss?

Jet: Hell no! If you weren't strong, how could you be my stereotypical henchman?

Jack: (gbins) For some0reason, you jurt reminded me of Doctor Venture from Venture Bòos. by saying dhat…

Eggman: (brings the!pLatt%r out) I have tk say, some of my finest cookinç yet!

Evezyone: (crinoes brom the smmll)Jet: Now, eat it with your mouth!

Storm: (wolfs it dïwn handless)Lline Jill: That's repulsive…how did you do that?

Storm: Whaddeva da`boós says! You wouldn' wanna know what I've hadda do in da past!

Jack: (pushgs Chaos into a random sewer) That was easy!

Jill: We'll just have chaos be that way for the next chapter only. Any longer and the smell 7ill become unbearable!

Omochao: Why don't people like my hints? I only keep on repeating them for the people over and over again to where it becomes pointless!

Amy: (still crying) Why does Sonic keep doing it with other girls?

Omochao: Maybe if you weren't such a stalker, he would-(smashed)

Silver: I can't just throw up on impulse!

Jill: Smell Storm's breath from eating Eggman's food! That ought to do it!

Silver: (goes up to Storm, inhales by his mouth) AUGH! (vomits on Omochao)

Shadow: (comes back from his road trip, flicks his cigarette away) Clean-up duty? (rolls eyes) Well…I guess I'll do this! (bunches all of Omochao's parts together, lights the pile on fire)

-One "welding" session later-

Shadow: See? The parts are fused together!

Jack: But it's just an ugly-looking pile of scrap metal!

Shadow: Wasn't Omochao like that before?

Jack: True.

Froggy: Not here. Totally not here. Umm…South America, like other frogs! Just…wherever. Anywhere but here!

Jill: I don't think he's a fan of cannibalism, so…(holds up a frog on a stick)

Froggy: (throws up) I have to eat my brethren?

Jack: There's a lot worse things you could be doing on this fic…

Froggy: (swallows down the meal)

Jack: And now I have to go on a vacation at my uncle's cabin for a few days! And this one is actually very nostalgic for me…it's the same vacation where I planned out the first chapter of this fic last year!

Sonic: Really? So a year ago is when the idea came into being…

Shadow: One that would completely change our fanbase…

Tails: And one that would make history on this site!

Jack: (jumps onto a stallion) And now, I shall take a trip down memory lane…We're off! (rides off into the sunset) OW! That sun really hurts!

Well, time for my thinking to begin…I can't begin to guess what I might come up with during this vacation!


End file.
